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It was hard to take his eyes off of Jaebum, his presence was so loud. He could be standing there, silent, but every eye in the room would turn straight to him, Jinyoung included. The group was doing photos for some magazine, honestly Jinyoung lost track years ago of when they were doing what, which included both group photos and individual. Jinyoung had already went, so he was standing behind the several cameras, watching as Jaebum posed for the camera. Every so often when they would fix part of his outfit, his hair, or even his makeup, he would shoot a glance that made Jinyoung shift and bite down on his lip.
He wanted to devour him right then and there, but he knew he couldn't, so he opted to just be very impatient instead as he wished that they were back at the apartment already. As soon as they got back, he was planning on shoving Jaebum into a room and kissing the hell out of him.
Not that Jaebum didn't help anything, because he knew, he was well aware of what he did to Jinyoung, and he would subtly tease Jinyoung. It would be simple glances, or patting his shoulder while walking by or in the middle of a conversation. When he walked passed he would pat his shoulder, and let his hand run down his back as it fell, and with one final smirk it was like Jinyoung was about to melt into a pool on the ground.
The car ride back saw Jaebum sitting next to Jinyoung, and he was sure that it was some kind of karma for something (probably for lying about the shirt being clean that he gave to Mark last night). It was like torture to have Jaebum so close to him, thighs pressed against each other, but he couldn't reach out and hold his hand.
By the time they had got to the apartment, Jinyoung was practically hopping out to get inside already, because after the day he was feeling rather pent up. He went to Jaebum's room, and seconds after, Jaebum walked in, cocky and a smirk on his face.
"Jaebum," Jinyoung crowed him by the wall right by the door, his hands trapping Jaebum's head in.
They were practically the same height, barely centimeters of a difference, so Jaebum was eye height and matched Jinyoung's gaze, "Yeah?"
"You," he started as he let his eyes flick down to Jaebum's lips, and let his hand curl around the back of Jaebum's neck, and Jaebum's arms slipped around his waist to tug him closer. "Are absolutely insufferable."
Not saying another word, Jaebum pulled him in for a kiss that was fast and hot. Relaxing into the touch, Jinyoung let his fingers stretch up into Jaebum's hair to give it a light tug, knowing just how much he loves it. With a small moan, Jaebum gave the exact response Jinyoung was hoping for.
With still locked lips Jinyoung moved his hand to the front of Jaebum's pants and pressed his palm flat against Jaebum's dick. He was only half hard, but Jinyoung knew that it really didn't take much to get Jaebum hard. Letting his fingers do the work, he unbuttoned the jeans, and zipped them down, allowing his hand to fit down the front of his jeans for better access.
Moaning again, Jaebum pulled away from the kiss, with a small pant as he leaned his head against the wall, pushing his hips into Jinyoung's hand. "Stop teasing," his voice was breathless, and his eyes dark.
If Jinyoung kept teasing, he knew that he would pay for it later, but that was something he was willing to do. With a smirk spread across his lips he leaned in, mouth right against the shell of Jaebum's ear, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Moving his palm he let his fingers stroke the underside of his clothed dick, and he could feel the way it made Jaebum twitch and how he spread his legs farther apart.
There was always two timed that Jinyoung felt utterly powerful. One was when he was performing on stage, it was a feeling that he couldn't even begin to describe if asked, it was like nothing else. The other time was in instances right now, when he was with Jaebum, when he was holding Jaebum, and making his dick go hard.
Hearing a growl, Jinyoung looked up to see Jaebum moved his head closer, and his hand was pulling Jinyoung's head closer and they were locking lips again.
Whenever they were together, there was always the risk of being caught, and there had been many times they had to break apart fast, but they had been yet to be caught, so maybe they were being a little bit reckless, they hadn't even locked the door.
The door opened with a bang, and it was like everything froze, and Jinyoung couldn't move, and he felt the way that Jaebum tensed right underneath of him. Breaking apart, he turned to see a frozen BamBam in the doorway, eyes wide and unmoving.
Seconds later, Yugyeom was running right into BamBam's back. "Bam-" he too stopped as his eyes fell upon the scene.
It was silent for no more than 30 seconds, and then, with their faces red, they were yelping and slamming the door shut with a loud bang, causing Mark to shout at them.
Looking back at Jaebum, Jinyoung pulled his hands away like he was scalding hot, but he didn't move away. It was deadly silent, and Jinyoung bit his lip as he watched Jaebum. Reluctantly, he rose his hand to place it on his shoulder, careful, "Jaebum..."
Hands were on his shoulders, pushing him back, and he stumbled away feeling utterly numb. Jaebum's hands went to grip into his hair and he turned away to look at the wall, "Fuck." he cursed.
His shoulders were moving up and down at a rapid pace, and he knew that Jaebum was breathing in and out at a fast rate. Jinyoung didn't know what to do or think. He gulped as he took a step closer to Jaebum, while still keeping a safe distance away, "It's going to be okay. You know that they aren't going to judge you, they aren't like that."
"They know Jinyoung!" his voice was pulled taut like a bowstring. "That isn't okay! Aren't you the least bit worried about it?"
"No, because I'm comfortable with who I am, and I know that those guys out there aren't big enough dicks to let the fact that I like men change anything Jaebum! Give them more credit."
"It isn't just about that though. I'm not you, I'm not proud about being a faggot."
Jinyoung blinked, and it was like those words knocked the wind out of him. He knew he should be angry, he wanted to be, but at the moment he couldn't. He felt like he was pleading now, for Jaebum to see reason. "It's okay, you know I'm with you always right?"
"No. I'm not going to let this ruin anything, and the boys are going to pretend like this never just happened. I'm not going to play this game."
"I'm not afraid. I don't care if they know. I would fucking hope by now that you know that I love you more, more than what other people think."
Those words made Jaebum's head whip around to face him again, "Don't say that. You can't. We are not doing this Jinyoung. This band, our career," he gestured to them before pointing to the wall that faced the living room, "Their career is more important."
The words rang in his head as he just stared at Jaebum, words unable to form. The tears that was gathering in his eyes was threatening to spill, and it was like the world had stopped. Our career, their career, is more important. It wasn't like he should be surprised, he had seen this coming for years now, he had known in the beginning that there would be a point where something like this would happen, and he would never be the one that Jaebum would chose.
"Okay," he finally said, cringing at the way his voice broke, and then he was turning around and walking out of the room.
Walking through the hallway, he saw the others staring at him, all with knowing looks, because they could also probably hear the fight. It wasn't often that Jinyoung felt ashamed, but right now he did. It was like it was burning through him, hot and ugly as he looked at the couch that they were all piled on.
He was about to cry again, and then he sped walk to his room so he could st least cry in peace, besides, he didn't want the maknaes to see him like this, to see him crying.
He was fucking furious, at everything. At the world for being what it was, for Korea for not accepting gays, for this fucking industry for never letting them come out, for being forced into a closet. Jaebum for being a total fucking idiot, and at himself for being a liar.
In truth, he was afraid, terrified at that. But he was sure that if he had Jaebum with him, it could be the two of them against the world, like it had been since the day they first met.
All Jinyoung wanted to was scream, or maybe go back to Jaebum's room and yell at him some more, but he didn't. He just sunk to his bed, and pulled his knees into his chest, and finally allowed himself to cry.