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"Once again, I'm incredibly sorry for accusing you of being a druggie. I really hope that doesn't affect you wanting to shop here." Gavin joked, but he was genuinely upset for saying such a horrible thing to the older man.
"Don't be silly. Silly. This is my favorite store. Shop. This is my favorite store." Ryan replied with a playful smirk and Gavin waved as he saw Ray looking at them from his register curiously.
"It was nice having lunch with you, sir." Gavin offered his hand and Ryan shook it five times, an eyebrow quirked in amusement.
"Sir, huh? I like to think that you and I are on well enough terms for you to call me Ryan. Ryan, Ryan. I'm Ryan. Ryan." He said absolutely and Gavin laughed.
"I suppose that's true. I'll probably see you around then, Ryan." He offered as the older man began to walk away. Ryan looked over his shoulder, running fingers through his sandy blond hair.
"As long as you're working register five. Five, Five. Register five." He stated almost sadly before leaving in the same peculiar way he always did. As soon as he was out of sight, Ray was beside Gavin.
"So, how'd it go with the weirdo?" He asked conversationally, and Gavin couldn't help but cringe.
"He's not weird, Ray. He's just... special." Gavin defended.
"Like, 'needs to wear a helmet' special or...?" Ray teased and Gavin glared at him.
"No, I take that back. He's just a normal guy, okay? He was really nice."
"You two gonna bone or something?" Gavin's face flushed at that and he busied himself with fixing up his register.
"Don't be ridiculous, Ray. We aren't going to 'bone'. We just had a nice lunch and a pleasant conversation is all. God, Ray, two people can hang out without automatically having sex with one another."
"Yeah, I know that, but YOU can't." Ray laughed at the squawk of indignation he received from that.
"What're you bitches talking about?" Michael butted into the conversation, leaning over Gavin's counter obnoxiously.
"Gavin's got a boyfriend, and he's a total psycho." Ray cooed and Gavin crossed his arms indignantly, his face becoming redder.
"Little Gavvy's got a boyfriend, eh?" Michael squeaked in a mock-British accent, waggling his finger at the younger man.
"No! I simply had lunch with him, and that's it! Honestly, you two are unbelievable." Gavin rolled his eyes, scowling at the snickers the two men shared.
"How's he a psycho?" Michael asked, reverting to Ray's original statement.
"He's not!"
"He totally is, dude. I saw him the other day and he fucking acted like he was fucked up on crack or something. He kept repeating words and messing with Gavin's station. It was really weird." Ray whispered, leaning in conspiratorially.
"Oh? Gavin, I had no idea you were into that sorta thing!" Michael struck an offended pose, muttering a soft ow when Gavin smacked his shoulder.
"Both of you are bloody idiots. He's not on drugs."
"Whatever you say, dude." Ray mumbled in an unconvinced way, but the conversation shifted to other matters. However, Gavin's mind didn't, and he found himself thinking of his lunch with Ryan often, waiting for the older man to return.
He got his wish almost a week later. He had been waiting for the old lady at his register to get 'exact change' out of her apparently bottomless purse when Ryan walked in, their eyes catching one another's immediately. Ryan grinned at him before starting his usual ritual of backing up. However, this time there was someone else behind him and the older man stumbled into a guy that looked like he'd walked straight from the wrestling arena and into the humble store, his muscles straining against a shirt much too tight for him (and that's coming from Gavin).
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" The man bellowed in a deep voice, and Gavin knew there was trouble. He motioned for Ray to take his customer and scurried around his counter just as Ryan began mumbling a barrage of apologies, backing up in strides that matched how quickly the other was advancing on him. Gavin's lanky body slid between them easily, his back towards Ryan as he practically became a human shield.
"Excuse me sir, is there a problem?" Gavin kept his shoulders back, letting his voice stay calm.
"Yeah. This asshole here just fucking pushed back into me." The man growled and Gavin could see that his teeth were chipped and uneven.
"I'm sure it was an accident. Now please continue with your shopping, sir." They stared at one another for a while and Gavin was fairly sure the other man was sizing him up. The guy glanced over the Brit's shoulder to where Ryan stood, glaring at him before walking away with a grunt.
"Phew. That was bloody horrifying." Gavin went lax, letting out a relieved breath.
"Thank you, Gavin. Thanks, Gavin. Gavin, Gavin. Thanks, Gavin." Ryan smiled in an embarrassed way and Gavin shrugged.
"It's my job, Ryan. What sort of employee would I be if I let a customer get his ass kicked by another? I can't just let you go around here beating up people, Ryan. It's not fair to us weaker folk." He joked and Ryan chuckled, flexing jokingly. "So, what brings you here today? Already out of milk?"
"Actually, I came here to see you. To talk to you. I came here to talk to you." Ryan was indeed following Gavin back to his register and the Brit's hazel eyes widened in surprise.
"Me? Why would you want to talk to me?" He asked, allowing Ryan to begin flicking his light on and off.
"Why wouldn't I?" He questioned sincerely and Gavin felt himself blush. "I was hoping we could go out for a drink or something. For a drink. For a movie. For dinner. Dinner?" He suggested and Gavin couldn't help but grin.
"That sounds top, Ryan. Let me just..." He pulled out a scrap piece of paper and scribbled his number onto it before handing it over to the older man. "I work Monday through Friday, but I'm off on the weekends."
"Does Saturday sound okay? Fine? Okay? Does Saturday sound fine?" Ryan questioned, fiddling with the little slip of paper.
"It sounds perfect." Gavin smiled softly at him, no longer minding his flushed face.
-
The knocking on his door was much too rapid and unorganized to be who Gavin hoped it would be, so he chose to ignore it. He didn't want to see or talk to anyone but the one man he COULDN'T do those things to. When the knocking persisted to a violent intensity, however, he finally pulled himself up from a pile of tear-soaked tissues and blankets to shuffle across the floor, being mindful of his injury. He was certain he looked a mess in sweatpants he'd been wearing far too long, puffy eyes, and hair immeasurably tangled.
He peeked out of the peephole and felt his heart skip a beat when Geoff stood there, a small bud of hope blooming; a bud that was immediately squished when he pulled open the door and immediately felt Geoff's fist connect to his face, aimed perfectly at his left eye.
Gavin fell back, stunned, and just looked at the fuming older man for a moment. He blinked. And blinked again. And burst into tears.
It was all too much: losing Ryan, his still-casted ankle, the broken hope, and his no doubt bruised eye was a pain he couldn't take and he began to cry, sitting there on the floor with an angry but startled Geoff towering above him.
"Stop fucking crying, I barely hit you." Geoff demanded, but he sounded unsure. Gavin sniffled up at him, hoping he didn't look as pathetic as he felt, and let out a low whine. "God dammit." Geoff sighed, holding out a hand to help Gavin up, hoisting him to his feet when he accepted it.
"I-it's not you. Well, that bloody hurt but it's not you." Gavin curled up onto his couch, collecting the tissues that surrounded him and balling them up into one central pile. Geoff stood beside him, still glaring.
"Well then maybe I should've hit harder. What the fuck did you do to Ryan?" Gavin's head snapped up at that, incredulous.
"What I did to Ryan? Nothing! He's the one that won't answer any of my calls, or ever text me, or s-speak to m-me again." His voice wobbled dangerously as another sob escaped him.
"Yeah, well, me neither. You had to of fucking done something." Geoff accused, frowning when Gavin wordlessly handed him a piece of paper before reaching for his box of tissues. Geoff's eyes skimmed over it and he sighed wearily. "Fuuuck. Um, I'm sorry I hit you." Gavin squeaked what sounded like an acceptance of his apology.
"H-he just left!" Gavin cried loudly, leaning against Geoff, and the older man's fatherly instincts kicked in. He patted Gavin's back gently, muttering words of comfort.
"I know, I know, but, um, we'll figure this out. He's just upset over this. Here, let's calm down for a second." Geoff reached over and grabbed the remote, flicking on the television; he sighed at what he saw, making a face at Gavin. "What the fuck is this?"
Gavin looked at the television where a movie was playing, a movie he'd been watching non-stop for the past week. "Love, Actually." He admitted quietly.
"Oh my fucking God. You've been sitting here crying over romantic comedies? You're such a fucking girl." Geoff griped, getting off of the couch to remove the DVD.
"It's a bloody good movie! And... Everyone gets a happy ending." He squeaked sadly, fresh tears welling up.
"Not true. That one woman with the mentally ill brother doesn't get the guy, remember?" Geoff immediately regretted speaking as Gavin burst into another cry, hiccuping something about love being so unfair. "Fuck, um, okay. Um, shit. Listen, it's gonna be fine. I've known Ryan my whole life, and he thinks he's burdening you. I'm sure if you talk to him, it'll all be okay."
"I'm trying! He won't answer me!" Gavin yelped angrily and Geoff rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, I fucking know. You're not the only one he's abandoned, okay?" Geoff's voice cracked and he cleared his throat quickly. "But there's other ways to talk to someone. We're going to the fucking source."
-
"Open the fucking door, Ryan!" Geoff was absolutely pounding on the door so hard, Gavin was surprised it didn't shatter under his ferocity. The Brit was cowered behind the older man, waiting. "I know you're in there!"
"Go away, Geoff, Geoff! Geoff!" The muffled yell made Gavin's heart skip a beat.
"Open the motherfucking door or I will break. It. Down!" Geoff was causing quite a scene and Gavin smiled sheepishly and apologetically to neighboring people poking their heads out.
"Fine!" Gavin's heart was racing as he heard the muffled footsteps and finally the door creak open, revealing the beautiful man he'd fallen in love with looking more disheveled than he'd last seen him. Geoff muscled his way forward and held the door open, motioning Gavin in past a shocked-looking Ryan.
"There. Now get in there." Gavin stepped forward shyly as Ryan retreated angrily into his house, joining him when he sat on the couch he knew so well, in complete silence. Geoff hadn't followed him, closing the door behind them instead.
"You should go. Leave. You should leave." Ryan finally uttered, his blue eyes trained on his hands. Gavin kept his gaze down as well, his mind whirring as the silence stretched on. "Did you hear me?" Ryan questioned, but he made no move to force Gavin's departure.
"Y'know," Gavin finally began to speak, the two still avoiding eye contact. "When I was eleven, my mom had her first mental breakdown. Well, maybe not the first, but the first I was old enough to understand what was happening. Her hair fell out incredibly fast until she finally just shaved it, and she never stopped talking to herself. Sometimes she's just lash out at nothing, as if some invisible force was trying to restrain her, and she'd scream." Gavin took a deep, steadying breath.
"When we went out in public, people would stare and whisper, and the words that she may be an unfit mother got around. My father was gone, and my brother was... Well, he's pretty dumb, so I took over. I cooked, I cleaned, and I started working odd jobs around the neighborhood for money. We had welfare, luckily, and food stamps were a saviour. I did all the shopping to keep my mother out of public, and I even went as far as having to bathe her on particularly bad nights. They called her crazy. She... She wasn't crazy, she was just ill. She'd have months where she would lose it, like she was a completely different person, then wake up and be fine suddenly and without warning. I hated hearing people talk about her or seeing someone staring like she was some sort of... Some sort of freak. She wasn't. She was my mom." He blinked the tears from his eyes, hands shaking in his lap.
"She deserved better. You deserve better, too. Me? I deserve you. Not because I think I'm not worth it, but because you most definitely are. I don't see you for your illness, and I most definitely don't see you as a burden. You're an incredible, strong human being that has fought for everything you are and it's so admirable and incredible. I think you're amazing, Ryan, and I love you more than anything." He finally looked up, surprised to find Ryan's eyes on him, intense and bright and shining with tears.
"I can't... I can't protect you. Save you. Protect you." He choked, but his fingers twitched towards Gavin hopefully.
"You don't need to. I am a perfectly capable man, and I don't want you to think that you are responsible for making certain I'm always okay. Listen to me," he cautiously took Ryan's hand in his own, cracking a smile when the older man didn't pull away. "You are not a problem. You are not a hindrance. You do not embarrass me, you do not hold me back, and I certainly will not find someone better for me than you because there isn't anyone. You are not your disease, Ryan. You're the love of my life, nothing less." They were both crying but the smile they shared spoke volumes.
"I missed you so much." Ryan whispered before pulling Gavin to him and pressing their lips together. Gavin sobbed into the kiss, wrapping arms around the older man's neck and pushing himself closer because he needed to be touching Ryan everywhere and no, he would never get enough of this.
Because no matter how many times Ryan had to repeat a kiss, a touch, a step, every bit of it was perfect to Gavin.