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Alec stared at the spindly black words on the paper, usually his eyes ran across them smoothly, but today they snagged and clawed. After the fifth time of rereading the same sentence, he gave up, and shut the book with a sigh, and resisted the urge to look at Magnus who was sitting on the opposite side of the couch. The conversation from earlier that day was playing in his head in a permanent loop.
“I’m beginning to think that my immortality is becoming a third person in this relationship.”
“There shouldn’t be a third person.”
“Exactly.”
Alec shut his eyes, and tried to think about what Clary had told him about Jace and what it meant, but he was just met by an incredibly wave of hopelessness. In his mind he created a list of things that were wrong about his life: Jace, Magnus, Chamile, Mom, Dad…
He just felt so alone.
“Can’t focus?”
Alec looked up. Magnus was watching with an unreadable expression. Alec hunched his shoulders. He would never get used to being watched; every one’s, including his parent’s eyes seemed to slide over to Alec and focus on Jace or Isabelle, and Alec liked it that way. It was unnerving to have someone’s eyes linger on you, but at the same time, it felt nice to know that if you were to disappear, at least someone would notice.
“Alecander?” Magnus asked,
Alec blinked, “Yeah?”
“Are you feeling alright?”
Alec bit his lip and nodded, “I’m fine.”
Magnus looked deliberately at the book in Alec’s hand; his fingers were clenched around it, knucks white from squeezing it so hard.
“If I didn’t know any better I would say that either Harry Potter did something horrible to you, and now you hope to squeeze the life out of it, or your upset.” Magnus said,
“I’m fine.” Alec repeated, setting Harry Potter down on the coffee table, and shoved his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking.
“That doesn’t mean much.” Magnus said, “Considering that’s your default response to everything.”
“I really am.” Alec insisted, “I’m just… Tired.”Magnus’s expression softened and moved closer to Alec,
“You look it.” He ran his thumb over the dark circle beneath Alec’s eye, “You should go to bed.”
Alec involuntarily leaned into Magnus’s touch, letting his eyes flutter shut “I don’t want to.”
Magnus frowned, “Why?”
“I-” Alec thought about laying in Magnus’s king size bed alone, and shivered, “I want to stay here.” With you
Magnus chuckled and ruffled Aec’s hair, “Really? Because you look minutes away from passing out.”
Alec shook his head, “No, I can stay awake. I promise.”
“Is that so?” A smirk played at Magnus’s lips,
Alec didn’t bother to reply. He rested his head on Magnus’s lap, and let his eyes close. Magnus began to cord his hand though his hair, and Alec relaxed a little more every time he felt Magnus’s fingertips brush his scalp.
“Are you really okay?” Magnus asked softly, his cadence almost hypnotic
Alec’s eyelids were too heavy to open, so instead he burrowed his nose into Magnus’s thighs. “I just feel so lonely.” He murmured,
He felt Magnus stiffen, “You always have me, you know that right?”
“I love you.” Alec said, and felt the darkness consume him.
* * *
Magnus listened as Alec’s breathes evened out into soft snores. Alec looked so different in his sleep, when all the tension had bled out of his shoulder, making him look young and vulnerable.
He twisted a strand of Alec’s hair around his finger, the Shadow Hunter was breaking in front of him, and he couldn’t do anything.