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Isak has soulmarks. Lots of them.
He also has freckles, so at least usually people can't tell from a glance, but everyone who comes into slightly closer contact with him can see the subtle difference, the way the soulmarks are just a bit darker, their edges just a bit cleaner. Most of them are on his upper chest and back, his shoulders. And thank fuck for that. But a fair few are spattered over his neck and face. Concealer hides them a little, but only so long as they don't glow too brightly.
Isak still remembers the first time they glowed and the way the other kids had taunted him for them. You'd think a decade later the looks and laughter would have stopped bothering him so much, but no amount of thick skin seems to help the sting of shame everytime someone recognises his weakness.
His mum had always tried to comfort him, but all her reassurances that one day they would light up far brighter for a pretty girl than they do for Jonas really didn't do anything for Isak. Not anything good, at least.
His marks won't ever glow for a girl, he knows that. He also knows the glow for Jonas is a platonic one, now. Most soulmate pairs are platonic, statistically. Isak isn't sure if that's because the glow makes people stick things out or feel pressured to at least try and stay friends, or because you're just more likely to find a platonic soulmate.
Science says the marks glow around people who your immune system recognises as the least harmful, but the studies on it are weak, not least of all because soulmarks have become a lot less common over the last 200 years, and a lot of the earlier “research” on it is tangled up in religious ideas of divine guidance.
Still. Isak has soulmarks, and around Jonas he glows like a very muted disco ball. The worst part about that is of course that Isak likes being around Jonas, and so he's constantly broadcasting his affection to anyone with eyes.
The second-worst part is that once upon a time (like, half a year ago) Isak thought the glow wasn't platonic at all. Eva's two marks on her wrist don't glow much brighter for Jonas than Isak's do, after all. The more intense the glow, the more intense the relationship, supposedly, so you can't really fault Isak for misinterpreting it. He's pretty sure Eva only forgave him the bullshit he put her through in the midst of his confusion and jealousy because their marks glow around each other too. It does make any anger you feel towards someone your body says will be important to you for your entire life feel so… insignificant. (It doesn't make Isak's guilt any smaller.)
Either way, that was that, and this is now.
And now sees Isak sitting in the school cafeteria with his friends, trying and failing to muster up any amount of interest in their conversation about hooking up and the party they all went to on the weekend.
“Okay, but has anyone else noticed that Isak's marks have been brighter since school started back up again?” Magnus says then, pulling Isak out of his thoughts.
“What?” he asks. “No, they haven't.”
Isak doesn't get how Magnus, probably the least religious one out of them, ended up being the one the most invested in soulmarks. It's nice that he doesn't buy into the whole “soulmarks mean you're an idiot” thing, but Isak could do without the “Isak's going to find a romantic soulmate any day now” thing.
“I haven't really paid attention,” Mahdi says with an amused look.
“No, but, when you were hooking up with that Natalie Portman chick they totally glowed real bright,” Magnus insists.
Isak really fucking doubts that.
“Jonas was there, you dolt,” he says with a roll of his eyes.
“Yeah, man, I was there,” Jonas says with a grin, his smugness over Isak's glow around him still as reassuring to Isak as it's ever been.
“No, but they glow more now, I swear! Maybe that chick's your soulmate, Isak,” Magnus suggests. “Your real soulmate.”
“Pretty sure I'm real,” Jonas drawls.
“You know what I mean. Someone Isak can actually fuck,” Magnus says.
Isak rolls his eyes again.
“You should really concern yourself more with your own sex life, Mags, I still get way more action than you do, marks or no,” he says, which makes Mahdi and Jonas laugh and Magnus break into a story about a girl with a cat tongue he hooked up with once.
Isak tunes him out again, only looking up from tearing pieces off the bun he's not really tasting when a laugh carries over the general chatter of the cafeteria.
His eyes snag on a blond guy on the other side of the cafeteria, long legs propped up on a table – rude – and tapping a pen against a small green notebook in his lap as he's smiling up at Vilde, Eva, and Sana. Isak blinks, and then he blinks again, and then the guy looks over, straight at him like he could tell that Isak was staring, so he ducks his head and bites his lip, heart thundering in his chest.
Fuck.
Fuck.
“You know, maybe Mags is right,” Jonas says. “You are glowing a bit more brightly, Isak.”
Isak feels his whole body flush with heat at that, the image that blond guy makes still firm in his mind, and his voice somehow still audible even though he's sat all the way across the room. Isak can't make out what he's saying, but he can heart that he's saying something.
“That's what I'm saying!” Magnus says, enthusiastically, clapping Isak on the back excitedly. “Maybe your soulmate is a first year! It'd make sense! They're new, and they've been here all school year. Maybe it actually is that Natalie Portman chick! What was her name again?”
“Emma,” Isak says automatically, and then curses himself when it makes all three of the boys 'oooh' simultaneously. He doesn't think he's ever been as glad to see Vilde approaching them as he is now, and he's almost ready to sign up for her stupid kosegruppe out of sheer gratitude. That's not to say he minds Jonas turning her down on behalf of all of them.
At least until Magnus makes a squawking kind of noise watching Vilde, Eva, and Sana move on to the next group of people.
“Guys! Guys, Isak's soulmate is probably in this room, so what if she signed up for the kosegruppe?” he says.
Jonas' eyes widen, and Isak can see what's about to happen like it's slow motion, just before it does.
Jonas turns in his seat, raises his hand and calls, “Eva!”
When she turns around to raise her eyebrows at them, Jonas beams at her, while Magnus excitedly shakes Isak's shoulders and Isak is doing his best to wish hard enough that the ground will swallow him whole right fucking now.
“We're signing up after all! We'll be there Friday!”
“Don't lump me in with you,” Mahdi protests.
Isak's heart sinks all the way down to his knees.
In biology, Sana sits down next to him and tells him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn't make absolutely sure that all three of his idiot friends show up for the kosegruppe meeting on Friday and exhibit their best behaviour, she's going to flush his drugs down the toilet.
Isak's heart sinks to the bottom of his feet.
Boys
Sana has Mahdi's weed
If we don't play nice at KG on Friday she'll flush it
MD: WHAT
MF: omg it's f a t e
JV: Jesus, Isak
Hey, I only had it because you were all too scared to take it
I coudn't well have it on me when the cops showed up
I stashed it but Sana found it
MD: I hate you so much
On Friday, Isak finds himself sitting in the auditorium flanked by a grinning Jonas and a reluctantly amused Mahdi, Magnus sitting one step behind him, practically vibrating out of his skin with excitement. He's got both hands on Isak's shoulders and his eyes trained firmly on the entrance. He'd dragged them here early to scope out a place with a good view, and to make sure they wouldn't miss any newbies.
“You guys have to tell me when he starts glowing so we won't miss her,” Magnus says.
Isak really wishes he didn't need every single crown these days so he could just pay Mahdi back for the weed and get the fuck out of dodge.
“You really need to chill, Magnus, it's not your soulmate,” Jonas says, snorting a little laugh.
“Because I don't have any marks,” Magnus whines. “Don't you think it's a little bit romantic? The fact that they help you find the one person right for you?”
“Well, Isak's already found two,” Jonas points out.
“Yeah, Mags, you know platonic soulmates are by far the more common ones,” Mahdi adds. “Maybe Isak just glows more cause he's actually starting to like you.”
Magnus sputters his outrage, and Isak can't help laughing.
“Nah, it's probably Mahdi,” he adds, making Mahdi laugh too and hold his hand up for a high-five.
“Don't be such a dick,” Magnus whines. “I'm trying to help you find true love.”
“There's no such thing,” Isak says and rolls his yes again, but Magnus ignores him, gasping excitedly and shaking Isak's shoulders again. Even Mahdi and Jonas fall quiet next to him, staring him in the face with Isak feels his heart sink again.
Emma just walked in.
Isak's palms start to sweat, and he can swear he can feel tingles on the soles of his fucking feet, nerves making the back of his neck run hot, and his mouth run dry. His marks aren't going to glow for her, he knows that. Which means that either the boys will drop it, or, more likely, they'll continue to try and find whoever's been causing Isak to light up, if he really has. And knowing Isak's luck they'd find him too.
Emma smiles at him, and Isak tries to smile back because he doesn't now what else to do. When Emma ducks her head and then walks over, Isak almost wishes he'd glared at her instead.
“Hi, Isak,” she says, shyly.
Jonas and Mahdi are looking at him, and Magnus isn't even trying to make it subtle, leaning around Isak to see the marks dusted over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Actually, Isak's pretty sure Emma's looking too.
“Oh,” Magnus says, clearly disappointed. “It's not her.”
Emma blushes bright red and hurries off, one of her friends putting an arm around her and glaring at them.
“What the fuck, dude,” Jonas scolds, turning back to swat Magnus on the back of his head. “That was fucking rude.”
“Sorry, I didn't mean it like that,” Magnus says, rubbing the back of his head. “Fuck, Isak, you didn't want to hook up with her, did you?”
“No, I was kind of getting weird vibes from her anyway,” Isak says. His heart's racing because he still doesn't know whether it's better for his friends to believe he's got the hots for some girl if it means they'll at least leave him alone about the fucking marks, or to hope that they might just drop both.
“Why didn't you just say so?” Magnus asks, eyes wide. “We wouldn't have had to come then!”
“Ex-fucking-cuse me, but we're here for my weed,” Mahdi says, making Magnus groan.
“Right, right. Shit, I forgot, I got so excited about Isak meeting his soulmate.”
“Honestly, Mags, you keep saying that like Eva and I are no one,” Jonas says.
Isak grins and reaches over to pat Jonas on the knee.
“You'll always be my og soulmate, no worries.”
Jonas laughs and bumps Isak's fist with his own when Isak lifts his hand off his leg again.
“Exactly. That's what I'm talking about,” he says.
“What's the point of all of these marks if they don't even help you get laid, though,” Magnus says with a pout.
Isak shakes his head and laughs, turning around to stare incredulously at Magnus.
“You don't need to find a fucking soulmate to get laid, Magnus, you just need to be less desperate,” he grins, making Mahdi and Jonas laugh, and Jonas pat him on the shoulder.
Magnus pouts at him for a few seconds, but then his eyes go wide and his jaw goes slack, letting his mouth fall open.
“Holy shit, Isak,” he says and looks up, staring at whoever must have just walked in.
Isak's not ready. He didn't want anyone to find out like this. He wanted – something that's not this. He's not ready.
But he can see the glow just at the lower edge of his field of vision, which must mean it's getting a lot brighter than it usually is.
“Oh,” Magnus says, tone full of surprise, and Isak squeezes his eyes shut and hunches his shoulders.
Isak doesn't really want to turn around, but he does it anyway, looks up over black sneakers and tan chinos, a denim jacket, and finally into the face of the handsome blond guy he saw in the cafeteria the other day. For a split second he thinks that at least his first/only romantic soulmate is really fucking hot. And he's staring back at Isak with surprise written all over his features, eyes fixed on where Isak's skin is lighting up, following the marks down over his neck to where they vanish under his clothes before looking up at his face again and right into Isak's eyes.
This guy's eyes are really blue.
Isak hears the blood rushing in his ears, feels his heart pumping fast, the embarrassed-nervous heat from earlier flooding his body again. He could probably really grow to like staring into those eyes some more, but then he realises that it's not just him, the entire room has actually fallen silent. You could probably hear a pin drop, and when Isak looks around for just a moment, he can tell that everyone's staring at him.
Isak wants to vanish.
The guy's still walking over, coming straight for Isak, and with every step he takes Isak probably glows more brightly.
“Fucking hell,” Magnus whispers behind Isak.
Isak shoots out of his seat, pulling away from his hands, and makes a beeline for the exit. He hears Jonas call after him but ignores him, keeps walking walking walking. The night air outside is chilly on his face, but he doesn't stop then either, breaks into a run to the nearest tramp stop, only stopping to catch his breath when he's there.
He ignores the way his phone vibrates in his pocket and makes his way home, ignoring his roommates and burrowing straight under his duvet, trying not to think anything at all.
The following Monday morning, after a weekend spent ignoring the boys and only answering Jonas' text to tell him he was fine, he really doesn't want to go to school. Only this isn't something he can ignore until he goes away. That guy is going to be at school for the entire year, and Isak can't repeat a year just to avoid some guy.
Everyone will know though.
Every time Isak sees him in the halls or in the cafeteria or in the yard, everyone will know. Everyone will know that Isak is destined to have feelings for this guy, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. There's no avoiding this. He's sure rumours will have already spread. It was annoying enough having people snicker at him behind their hands when they passed him and Jonas walking in the corridors, but this? Fuck, Isak would give anything not to have to deal with this.
Still, he forces himself out of bed, puts on a hoodie, packs himself a Nutella sandwich with Nutella he stole from Eskild's shelf, sticks his earphones in and goes. He pulls the hood up too, when he gets closer to school, makes sure to cover as much of his marks as he can.
It's a little anticlimactic that he doesn't see the guy all day.
He doesn't see him the following day either, so maybe he's weirded out by being the soulmate of another guy and is actively trying to avoid Isak. That would honestly make Isak's life so much easier, even if he has no idea why a homophobic dick would be his soulmate.
And then, that Friday, a week after seeing the guy last, he's on Isak's tram home, popping up next to Isak suddenly with a wide grin.
“Hi,” he says. “I'm Even.”
Isak hears someone snort a laugh and ducks his head, cheeks flaming hot. At the next stop, he pushes his way through the crowd, stepping out onto the pavement and taking off down the street.
“Wait!” a deep voice calls behind him, but Isak picks up his pace.
He doesn't expect the guy to literally jog to keep up with him and hears the change in pace too late, so the next thing he knows someone's grabbing his arm to hold him still.
“Why are you running?” the guy asks, and Isak whirls around, tearing his arm out of his grip.
“Stay away from me,” Isak snaps. “I never asked for this, alright? I don't want any of this, so leave me the fuck alone!”
When he whirls around again and leaves, the guy doesn't try to stop him.
He does, however, try to talk to him several times at school, making Isak turn around every time he sees him in the corridor somewhere. He hates the way people whisper when he walks past, hates the way they stare, like they expect him to light up on command.
It's just not fair. It's not fair that Isak doesn't get a say in all this, that his body literally just projects his desires into the world for anyone to see.
That he knows his mother would probably ramble about the devil tempting him with a false light if she ever finds out. Or. Well. At least on one of her bad days, and for the past half year all she seems to have had are bad days.
On Wednesday after school, Jonas invites him for kebabs. Isak sighs, and goes. He has no intention of avoiding Jonas for the rest of his life, so he should probably get used to the fact that Jonas knows about him now.
“So,” Jonas says a good five minutes after they've sat down on a park bench, eating their kebabs silently. “Who's that guy then?”
Isak shrugs.
“I don't know. His name is Even.”
“What do you mean you don't know?”
Isak shrugs again.
“I mean I haven't talked to him. I don't fucking want to talk to him.”
Isak doesn't look over at Jonas, but from the way he sounds when he speaks again, Isak can still tell that Jonas is frowning.
“Why? He's a good-looking guy, though.”
The comment is so completely not what Isak was expecting that he looks up to stare at Jonas in open surprise.
Jonas laughs.
“What? I'm just saying. I have eyes,” he says with a shrug.
Isak laughs a little, some of the nerves that have been clinging to him like lichen ever since that kosegruppe meeting falling off him.
“I just… I never wanted it to happen like this,” he says.
“What to happen?” Jonas asks.
Isak pokes around in his kebab with his fork for a few moments to stall and shrugs.
“Coming out. I guess.”
Jonas makes an understanding noise.
“So you're… gay?” he asks.
Isak tries to swallow his rapidly beating heart back down his throat and nods.
“Yeah,” he says quietly. “I'm gay.”
“Yeah,” Jonas echoes. “That's not fair.”
“Having these fucking marks was already bad enough,” Isak grumbles.
“Hey, you know that's all bullshit, right? Just because you have the marks doesn't mean you're incapable of making your own decisions, or evolutionarily backwards or any other of the shit people read out of those phony studies,” Jonas insists, staring at Isak intently.
Isak smiles a little.
“Yeah, I know,” he says. “But it's still shit knowing that people will think that when they look at me. And if I ever date a guy, whether it's that guy or any other, that's not going to get any easier.”
Jonas nods, corners of his mouth turned down morosely.
“Fuck, I'm so sorry I can't, like, do anything,” he says.
Isak laughs and leans over, bumping their shoulders together.
“You're doing something,” he says.
“Yeah?” Jonas asks.
“Yeah. You're being awesome,” Isak says.
Jonas beams at him and then bumps him back.
“Well, of course. We're glow buddies.”
Isak snorts out a laugh and then shakes his head.
“Fuck, that sounds so bad.”
“What, 'glow buddies'? You don't like it? That's what we are though,” Jonas teases.
Isak grins and shrugs sheepishly.
“Yeah,” he says.
Jonas smiles back at him and for a few moments they just go back to their kebabs in mutual silence.
“But, so, you don't want to know this guy? Even?” he asks when he's done.
Isak sighs and finishes his own kebab, balling up the paper thing and chucking it in the bin next to the bench.
“Maybe,” he says. “I don't know. Kind of? I don't want everyone to know about it.”
“Well, if you want to, like, meet him in private, then I can let him know, okay?” Jonas suggests.
Isak smiles to himself and then nods.
“See?” he says, turning to Jonas. “Awesome.”
In the end, Isak doesn't come to make a decision before the next time he sees Even again. Well, the next time he sees Even again somewhere he can't run away – his own flat.
Vilde had talked him into letting her host a kosegruppe pre-game there and, like a fool, Isak had forgotten that Even was part of said kosegruppe. In his defense, he hasn't thought about that stupid group since that first fateful meeting. As it stands, he plans on getting drunk and then hiding in his room when the party moves on to whatever party they're pre-gaming for. When Even walks in, a good hour into the party, Isak decides to skip ahead in his plan.
Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi turn to look at him when they spot Even, and Isak is pretty sure half the other party guests do the same, but Isak can't look away from Even. Even who's got the same denim jacket Isak keeps seeing him in with him, only this time he's not wearing it. He's in a white t-shirt that leaves next to nothing to the imagination and in keeping with the stupid neon theme that means Isak has a hot pink stripe painted on each cheek, he's got a yellow headband wrapped around his forehead in a way that would probably look stupid on anyone else.
The worst thing is that Even's staring right back at him, the same way he had that first time Isak saw him in the cafeteria.
He's so handsome, and Isak can't look away – from his pink, big lips, from the line of his jaw, from the way he always styles his hair up. From the girl wrapping her arms around one of his and leaning up to say something to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. It makes Even break his gaze, looking to her to smile at her, and it breaks the spell that's keeping Isak's feet rooted to the spot.
He whirls around and swallows heavily, trying to calm his thoughts.
“Isak--” Jonas says, and Isak makes the mistake of looking up and seeing the pity in all three of his friends' faces.
“No,” Isak says and slips through the crowd, down the hall, and into his room.
He closes the door behind himself and leans against it heavily, squeezing his eyes shut. Jonas knows that he needs his own space in these kinds of situations, so the boys probably won't come after him. But thinking about how at least ten other people must have seen what just happened, how Isak froze and stared, how he started to glow in the blacklight like he'd been splattered with neon paint, how Even brought his fucking girlfriend to Isak's flat, doesn't make swallowing down the tightness in his throat any easier. His eyes run hot with unshed tears and isn't this all just perfect.
“Isak?” he suddenly hears through the door, a tentative knock following.
It's got to be some sort of cosmic joke that Isak can already recognise Even's voice.
“I told you to fucking leave me alone,” Isak says, wiping hastily at his cheeks.
“Please, can you just talk to me?” Even asks.
Maybe he wants to tell Isak that he's sorry, really, but he doesn't feel for Isak what Isak's skin says he feels for him and that once the infatuation wears off for Isak they can still be friends. Platonic soulmates are by far more common, after all. Maybe this is why.
Isak supposes sooner or later he's going to have to listen to that speech. Might as well get it over with.
“Talk fast,” he says when he opens the door and steps aside to let Even in.
Even blinks into the dark of Isak's room, gaze hopping around as he tries to make Isak out.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to corner you,” he says, letting the door to Isak's room fall shut behind him again, the music abruptly quieter than just a moment ago, sounding like from much farther away than just a few meters. Isak feels the hair on his arms stand up when he thinks about how intimate it feels to have Even standing in his bedroom in the dark.
“If that's it, you can just leave,” he says, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“No, that's not it,” Even says and sighs a frustrated sigh. The light coming in from the streetlamps outside casts odd lines over his face, and Isak sees his eyes glitter, looking so much darker in here than he knows them to be.
“I just wanted to--” Even starts, but instead of finishing his sentence, he grabs the back of his t-shirt and pulls it up over his head.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Isak asks, voice going strangled and taking an involuntary step back as his cheeks flush with heat.
Even turns around, his back to Isak, and Isak freezes in his place.
“I just need to know if-- are they glowing?” he asks.
Even's back is dotted with a delicate spattering of soulmarks, right between his shoulderblades. Isak distantly recognises that Even asked him a question, but he can't find his voice, isn't even sure what the answer is. He can't look away from the delicate little spots, glowing a blue-ish white on Even's skin, like tiny stars sunken into his body.
“Isak?” Even prompts, craning his head back. It makes his back shift, the lights dancing along with it, and Isak looks up at him.
“What? Oh! Yes. Yes, they're glowing,” he says.
Even's eyes go wide and he sucks in a breath that he lets out in a heavy sigh.
“Wow,” he says.
“Wow,” Isak agrees. Even doesn't have as many marks as Isak does, but he has more than Eva, the only other person Isak has ever met who had any at all.
Even turns back around to face Isak and puts his shirt back on, blushing a little. For a few moments they just stand there in awkward silence. Then, Even holds out his hand.
“I'm Even,” he says.
Isak looks at him, at his hand, and then takes it.
“Isak,” he says.
Even smiles at him.
“I'd really like to get to know you,” he says.
Isak nods without thought and then frowns to himself.
“What about your girlfriend?”
“Sonja? We're not dating,” Even says.
“Oh,” Isak says, and pulls his hand back when he realises he hasn't yet.
Even doesn't say anything else, but his eyes slip down from Isak's face over his neck, following the line of his soulmarks.
“You have so many,” he says.
Isak shrugs awkwardly.
“I have more,” he says.
Even's eyes go wider.
“Really?”
Isak nods softly and shifts his weight on his feet before copying Even, grabbing the back of his shirt to pull it off. He looks down automatically, sees the bright light of his own marks scattered over his chest and shoulders, a few even trickling down his upper arms.
Even stares and reaches out a hesitant hand, pulling it back immediately like he didn't mean to.
“You can,” Isak says, and watches Even put his hand on his skin carefully, light shining out form between the gaps of his fingers. He bites his lip and doesn't say anything when Even traces careful fingertips over the lights.
“I can't feel them,” he says, slightly in awe. “I feel like I should be able to feel them. Like they should be warm.”
Isak smiles a little to himself.
“They're beautiful,” Even says then and looks back up at Isak. “You're beautiful.”
Isak blushes hotly and ducks his head away from Even's gaze. The lights on Even's back were breath-taking, but he can't even think of saying that out loud.
“I want to get to know you too,” however is something he can say, so he does.
Even beams at him.
“Would you like to go back out?” he asks, and Isak vehemently shakes his head.
“No. Not even a little bit.”
“Okay,” Even says, and then lets his hand drop down to Isak's hand, giving it a squeeze. “We'll stay here.”
“Okay,” Isak echoes. “That's chill.”
Even smiles again.
“That's chill.”
The End