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Hi, I’m Federal Agent Samuel Clancy. You know, here at the FBI, we work hard every day to keep this country safe from threats both foreign and domestic; one of the ways we do this is the monitoring of web traffic and browsing habits. Now, I know what you might be thinking: “But Agent Clancy, isn’t that an invasion of privacy?”
Well not to worry, most of your searches we just ignore for the most part, unless it points to illegal activity. So yes we have seen that weird porn site you keep visiting, or that cringeworthy Sonic the Hedgehog artwork you continue to Google Image search, but we pay it no never mind because it’s not against the law.
This job is pretty straightforward: look at people’s computer screens and if it looks like they’re doing bad things, report it. However there is one element of the internet that I believe exists to deliberately throw us off and make us second-guess ourselves: fanfiction. Ah, fanfiction, I can’t tell you how often I’ve been made a fool of because of this fun and (yes, technically legal) hobby of many people worldwide. The nature of fanfiction requires its writers to look up some pretty…um, “questionable” things online, raising a lot of false flags for us at the Bureau. Since I have some spare time on my hands, I figured I’d share with you my past experiences with fanfiction authors and their misleading web activity!