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I.
Tadano swore up and down that he was just an average teacher at an average school. Whenever he was asked about how he earned the dozens of students’ handmade cards and crayon drawings of him that overflowed from his briefcase, he would say he just was lucky to teach the best kids in the world. They would invariably say that he thought all kids were the best kids in the world, and he would invariably reply that he was always right.
He ignored the rumors about his ‘sixth sense’. Anyone heading home for the day could have passed that empty classroom with the crying girl hiding inside. However, not everyone watched their students from their classroom’s window to make sure each student headed home safely, and not everyone had realized that one Shizuka Youki never left.
“Shizuka-san?”
Her head shot up like she’d been attacked, scooting back so far in her chair upon seeing him that she slammed into the wall. She wiped her face hard on her sleeves, as if trying to rub off her eyes and nose to hide that she’d been crying.
“Shizuka-san, it’s just me.” He gave a little wave and what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “I was just on my way home and heard something in here.”
Her eyes were simultaneously trained on him in terror and trying to avoid making eye contact at all costs. Being caught crying, especially by a teacher, must have been mortifying-- yet at the same time, he couldn’t just leave her. It felt to Tadano as if he had joined a game of chess halfway through with his pieces surrounded. He placed his briefcase in a cubby- that only seemed to make him scarier- and sat in a desk nearby. It leveled their dissonance in height and put him close enough to talk, but not so close she felt interrogated.
“There’s no need to feel ashamed of crying,” he said. “I cry sometimes, too.”
Truthfully, he’d cried less and less as he grew confidence as an adult, but she didn’t need to know that. It wasn’t of importance to this little girl that he still got misty-eyed from either stress or joy- or both- trying to decide when and how to propose to his girlfriend.
“It’s a beautiful day outside, isn’t it?” he said. The cherry blossoms outside were in bloom. The beginning of the school year always brought him new gifts. In the past, it had been Komi. Now, it was his kids.
Shizuka nodded faintly without looking out the window. The child still hugged herself tight, trying her hardest to pretend that she wasn’t here. The classic ‘I will say or do anything to get you to leave’ body language.
“Sometimes when I don’t feel good, I like to take deep breaths and look out at the cherry blossoms. It helps me feel better. Do you want to take some deep breaths with me?” he asked. When she nodded, he led her through the process a few times- inhale through the nose, hold, then exhale through the mouth. “Whenever we’re feeling sad or scared, we start to breathe really quick and really shallow from the top of our lungs. That can make us feel dizzy and nauseous.”
She continued to take deep breaths without his guidance. He offered small words of praise each time she did until she sat still in her chair, exhausted.
“Shizuka-san, are you feeling any better?” he asked, to which she nodded again. “That’s good. I’m glad. I know I’m your teacher, but if you ever want to talk to me about anything, you can approach me at any time.”
She froze. The girl still looked at him as if he were an alligator who only appeared to be resting before it attacked-- not a gawky teacher with rosy cheeks and a cowlick. She looked around for her school supplies only to reach out helplessly upon spotting them packed in the same cubby that held his briefcase.
Tadano didn’t have a sixth sense. It was just that her thoughts broadcast to anyone who would stop and listen: I can’t get up and walk over to get them; it’s awkward in the first place, and what if I walk weird or trip and he laughs at me?
And he might have been reading in too much, but Shizuka-san so far hadn’t once raised her hand in class and one time sat trembling for 20 minutes with a used tissue in her hand, eyeing the trash can all the way at the front of the room.
“I’m going to stand up for a moment,” he said, as to not startle her when he did just that. He walked up to the chalkboard and wrote on it: Shizuka-san, you can write on here to communicate with me if it would be more comfortable.
Her brows raised in surprise. She took an especially long time to stand up, as if silently chastising herself for every strange movement, and clasped her hands together so tightly while walking that her knuckles were white as the chalk she reached for. I am sorry, she wrote. I am bad at communicating with others.
She braced herself for a laugh that never came. When she looked up, he gave another reaffirming smile. There is someone dear to me who has the same issue. It is called a communication disorder.
The girl gawked. There was a name for it? There were other people like that?
I’ve never had a friend, she wrote. The words came to her so easily, as if it were a fact. As if it were as emotionless to her as saying ‘the sky is blue’. Not ever. My Mom did lots to try to get me to make friends. But every time I’m with someone, I get scared.
On the first day of class, the other children had formed bonds with one another the way magnets snapped together. Several of them had just walked up and said, “let’s play” or “wanna be friends?”. Shizuka had stayed at her desk, as if stranded in a foreign country, watching the locals communicate with one another in ways familiar but inexplicably alien.
Sometimes people talk to me. Or they play with me for a little while. But they always get bored and leave, Shizuka wrote. Her hand was flying now, writing characters so fast that they laced together. Once, someone wanted to be my friend and kept talking to me for days. I was up all night crying ‘cause I was so scared. I hid my phone so they couldn’t call me and walked a different way to school to avoid them. I’m too scared and too boring to have friends.
The chalk made the worst screeching sound as she dragged it down the board and collapsed to her knees, her small frame wracked with sobs too big for her body. Tadano could only kick himself for not reaching out to her sooner. It was all he could do now to squat down to her level and hold out a handkerchief. He didn’t want to push any boundaries by wiping her tears away.
She accepted it and wiped her eyes and then blew her nose. She held it to her face once she was done, as if trying to hide it.
“You must be so scared,” he said, and only continued when the girl met his eyes. “Being alone in a new school… everyone around you making friends… it must seem so effortless to them, right? You must think, ‘if they can do it, why not me?’”
A little nod signaled him to continue. “Sometimes, it must feel like no matter how much you will yourself, your voice won’t come out. But you still want to speak.” He noticed the kitty-face lunchbox stuffed in the cubby with her backpack. “You may have wanted to invite someone to eat lunch with you today.”
She nodded more vigorously. Now he was getting somewhere. The smell of chalk still could transport him back several years to when Komi-san spilled her heart out on the blackboard in front of him.
He had been more clueless about handling people, then. As she wrote what should I do?, the same question wracked his mind. Yet the words just came to him.
It wasn’t a ‘sixth sense’. It wasn’t special. He just cared.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. If you don’t remember anything else I say today, please keep that with you: there is nothing wrong with you. And you aren’t alone,” he said. Her words loomed above them on the chalkboard. Maybe it would be overwhelming to be given another lecture by her teacher, so he stood again and wrote the words next to her message: It will be okay. You aren’t alone.
Seeing that she’d followed him with her eyes, he continued. The person I mentioned, the one who is dear to me, still cannot speak well. She has struggled with communication for many years. When we met, her goal was to have 100 friends. Do you know how many she had when she graduated?
Shizuka managed to pull herself to her feet and wrote on the board: how many?
Tadano smiled as he circled the ‘100’. “That many,” he said. Her jaw dropped-- then it curled back up into a smile.
Really?
Really, he wrote.
Even if she has a comm-- she squinted at the characters he wrote. Even if she can’t talk well?
Yes. Even if she can’t talk well. His smile met his eyes. Having that many friends doesn’t have to be your goal, Shizuka-san. I only want you to know that you can have as many friends as you want, too. You can do it.
Storm clouds parted to reveal sunshine in her smile. Her pigtails bounced up with the weight of her grin, tongue poking through her missing baby teeth.
“Th--” she stuttered. “Th- th- tha-- thankyouTadano-sensei!” fired the words as if from a gatling gun. She bowed so deeply that she almost hit her head on the floor and then ran out of the room, only to return sheepishly to grab her backpack and lunchbox before running off again. Tadano stayed behind, rereading the words they’d written until through the window he saw her run out the school’s front door and toward the train station to get home.
He estimated that she’d be on the train before she realized that she still had his handkerchief, which would likely cause her to cry again, which would cause her to need it again-- a self-fulfilling prophecy. Tadano shook his head and erased the words on the board. All he could hope was that having the handkerchief would cause her to think over what they spoke about today. He would have to make sure he kept an eye out for her from now on. It might not have been in his job description as a teacher, but he couldn’t imagine wanting any students to feel as hopeless and alone as Komi had.
The eraser neared the words It will be okay. You aren’t alone. before he stopped. Thinking better of it, he put the eraser down and collected his briefcase, leaving the message in the empty classroom for the students to come.
II.
Komi-san crossed and uncrossed her legs again. She hadn’t been able to stop shivering since her boss called her into the office.
What would she tell her father if she was getting fired? He had used some leverage to get her the job in his company to begin with, since all her job interviews since leaving college had ended with the hiring manager fleeing in fear. And now, at her first job, she hadn’t been assigned any actual work in months and it was only a matter of time until someone noticed.
Her boss mopped sweat off his forehead with his sleeve. His deep-set eyes darted around-- out the window, at his certificates on the wall, anywhere but at the young woman seated across from his desk. “Komi-san. You must be wondering why I have summoned you into my office today.”
She didn’t respond. Her attempts to clench her jaw so that her teeth would stop chattering had the unintentional side-effect of shaping her eyes into a glare that would stop armies in their tracks. Her boss took a glance at her and gulped.
“Well, I… er, I…” He grabbed several tissues off his desk, knocking down the box in the process, and wiped down the criminal amount of cold sweat from his face. “I have been looking at… er, the performance reports from all of our new secretaries, and…”
Daggers dug into his neck fat from her glare. Turning around in his chair was no better; it made him feel as if he stood blindfolded on the gallows. But for what crime? Broaching the fact that all the superiors were intimidated by her? None of you show leadership, he pictured her saying. Being unsure whether to reward her for boosting office morale by existing or to reprimand her for not having done any actual work? None of you work, either, he could hear, unsure if it was his imagination or actually Komi herself.
As she most likely suspected, he spent most of his day in his office reading manga- a new series called Code Inuyasha Shippuden Fate Zero: Revengeance- and if she knew, then she was in a prime position to call out his hypocrisy and have him fired. How much did she know? Was her silence intended to leave him in suspenseful agony, waiting for him to pull the trigger on a blank only so she could draw her own rifle and shoot him dead?
“You haven’t… er… regarding your performance…” The man wheezed. His clammy fingers pawed at his coat pocket for a cigarette. After several swipes, he withdrew one from the box. In the process of patting himself down for his lighter, he heard a click and saw the spark of a flame. Komi had picked up and ignited the lighter on his desk and was now holding it out expectantly.
“Ah, y-yes, thank you--” the man started, holding out his cigarette, attempting to light it on the empty air where it had been. In one move as smooth as a card trick, Komi had dropped it into the trash can near his desk. The clang of the metal against the bottom of the metal pail echoed for several long seconds throughout the office.
She means I’m a fool for thinking that I can break my own office’s rules and smoke inside, he thought. The fact that her hand was still extended, fist trembling, only confirmed it. She was so enraged at his being a pathetic excuse for a boss that she was barely restraining the urge to smack the cigarette out of his flabby hand. A smoker and a time waster, he heard, your superior will see to it that you never get a job again.
In the years after that moment, whenever asked to explain how she rose to the rank of CEO so quickly, Komi-san would give what appeared to be a humble shrug. Tadano was the only one who knew that she dropped the lighter into the trash because of nerves and her boss, completely misunderstanding her intentions, kneeled down in front of her and began apologizing.
“I’m sorry! I’m such a failure of a boss and a human being!” he said, sobbing into the carpet. “You were right all along! You don’t need to do any work! Please, grace us with your leadership instead! You’re too good for this company, so please don’t leave!”
Within the same afternoon, she sat at the other side of the desk, completely bewildered as her newfound subordinates removed boxes full of the old boss’s manga.
Within the same month, she was able to use leverage to give her father a small but long-awaited raise.
III.
To anyone else, the silence in the Komi household would be deafening. To the couple, it was just noisy enough.
Only they heard the melody that the individual sounds wove: Komi’s soft, almost imperceptible, closing of the front door and slipping off her shoes; the sizzling of the pan from the kitchen, a harmony to Tadano’s humming as he cooked; the staccato jingling of the toy that their black cat batted with one paw from under the kitchen table; the soft peck of her lips meeting his; the huff of acknowledgement as the cat rubbed itself against her leg.
Komi dutifully organized her work materials before going to change into more comfortable clothes. She slipped into a comfortable old sweater and pyjama pants and left her suit in a pile on the ground. Being a CEO- or keeping up the charade of one- was exhausting. As many times as she had tried to explain to Tadano that just his being there was all she needed when she came home, he still insisted on doing as many chores as he could, as if afraid that she wouldn’t settle for anything besides the perfect partner. It was hard to complain, but she still felt a touch guilty.
Komi had no idea that this would be the evening that he proposed.
She walked out of the bedroom and found that he had set the table and waited next to a chair for her. She tried to take the opposite one, but he signaled with his hand for her to sit in the one he had pulled out. When she did, he pushed her a little closer to properly seat her, as if she were a proper lady and not half-asleep in her jammies.
“Thank you for the food,” she said. It was one phrase that came somewhat easily to her, especially as Tadano had taken to preparing dinner almost every night. Even on nights when he got home later than she, a meal awaited her in the slow cooker or something was wrapped up in the fridge with a note on top.
“I made it the way you like it,” he said. “It’s just simple fish and rice, so it’s not anything great, but I did make umeboshi!” He gestured to a favorite side dish of hers: pickled plums.
Komi reached across the table and stroked his hand with a milky-white finger. “It is wonderful. I’m happy.”
Her words- as rare as lightning strikes, but just as breathtaking- still could transform him from a confident man to a sputtering teenager again. He shot her a thumbs up, instantly regretted the action, and instead began to stuff his face with food. “So, uh,” he began, as if he had something important to say.
Instead, he asked: “you had your first meeting as CEO today, right?”
She gave a faint nod, parting her lips to blow softly on a spoonful of miso soup. He stared at her coral-pink lips, as transfixed now as he was the first time he laid eyes on them. She looked up and nearly spilled the soup on herself.
He took a deep breath. Focus, Tadano. “That must have been intimidating,” he said. “There must have been a lot of people all looking at you.”
Just thinking about it caused her to shudder. Yet, she didn’t look unhappy-- a sign that it had went well. He smiled. “See? I told you that you would do great,” he said.
Her features flushed pink. She raised a brow, looking at him expectantly.
“Oh, my day?” Tadano asked. He scratched his chin. “It was good. Today, that student-- remember the one I told you about, who was just like you?” Komi nodded. “I saw her join a group of girls eating lunch! Isn’t that fantastic?”
Komi nodded so enthusiastically that her hair whipped up and down and the cat tried to bat at it like a toy. She kicked the cat’s toy across the kitchen so that it would give them some peace.
“It’s great, Shouko,” he said-- and her heart skipped a beat hearing her name. “Just a short while ago, she spilled out her heart to me on the chalkboard about never having had a friend. But now she’s come to even communicate through Signed Japanese when she’s nonverbal! Another thing…”
Whenever Tadano discussed his students, he lost himself in a passion completely different than the one he had for her; he could talk for hours about hundreds of students, referring to each one by name. She listened to his flowing words about communication disorders and overcoming them, mesmerized equally by his words and watching him say them.
“... which would be a special place… maybe better than here. I- I’ll take your silence that you agree? That’s fine. It can wait. Right?” he was saying, as she focused again.
She tilted her head, too embarrassed to admit that she didn’t comprehend a word he just said.
“Ah, so you do want to go to our class reunion party? Yeah, it makes sense. A person as great as you would… want to talk about something important in an important setting,” Tadano said, quickly taking another bite of rice.
Komi froze. When had he asked about that? She stared down at her half-eaten food in shock, not daring to look up at him.
“It would be kind of a meaningful… place to go, right? Not for anything, just it would be!” he scrambled. “I mean, even Najimi is gonna be in town from her tour across Japan! And there are rumors that Yamai-san herself will be flying into the country for it! So I thought… maybe...”
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see them. They had all stayed in touch, more so than most high school friends did, even as they all walked different paths. Rather, Komi spent so much time in the public eye each day that her ideal way of relaxing was to spend an evening cuddling Tadano in a pile of blankets with a movie playing in the background-- not suddenly have to catch up with dozens and dozens of people at once.
“Oh, on top of the two of them being there, Manbagi-san will be repping her fashion line, so it might be kind of a huge event. Reporters are already covering it,” Tadano said, slurping down the last of his soup. Komi’s heart sank with every word. “But, well… it will be special, right? A-and it will just be the two of us, so it will be okay, right?”
A moment passed before she steeled herself took his hand, as if to say don’t let go of me the whole time.
He squeezed her hand, as if to reassure her that he wouldn’t dream of it.
IV.
The ring box weighed heavily in his pocket.
He carried it with him everywhere now, ever since he brought up ‘something important’ during dinner and was met with a blank stare. How stupid could he be? Trying to propose over a dinner of fish and rice? She was a CEO now, he had to remind himself, someone so high above his caliber that he was surprised when she snuggled into him as the little spoon each night.
Every time he took her out and thought about asking her, she simply gave him a look and he changed the subject. It would wait. The reunion was approaching fast. It would be like a fairy tale ending. He’d propose to her in the same place they fell in love.
Time crawled by. Tadano held a voluntary after-school tutoring session for his students. Komi stared down one of Japan’s most powerful CEOs during a business meeting until he began to wail like a baby. Such was life.
On the day of the reunion, they drove to their old high school. It wasn’t too far, and they could’ve easily taken a train like Tadano was accustomed to, but Komi had recently invested in a brand new, model-year luxury car. It was fast, silent, fuel-efficient, and she was too scared to drive it. People peered in the window expectantly at stop lights, disappointed to see some plain-faced teacher wearing an old polo shirt in the driver’s seat. They pulled up in the parking lot next to Yadano Makeru, driving the same car but a model year behind, and flinched as she suddenly slammed her forehead into the steering wheel out of frustration.
The setup was small, as expected of an average high school, with only- Tadano counted, as accurately as possible- a million reporters snapping as many photos as possible. A shoddily-painted ‘Welcome back’ banner hung above the front doors. Both inside the school and out sat dollar-store party decorations and folding tables that he assumed would eventually hold food or something. He didn’t know why he pictured it being a million-dollar gala event-- maybe just because he pictured Komi there. He put his hand in his pocket for the 50th time that hour to check that the ring box was still there.
Najimi completely overshadowed them all with their fancy cars, arriving in a pink limousine which stretched so far that Tadano couldn’t see both ends of it at the same time. After what seemed like an eternity, a valet sprinted down its length and opened a door for Japan’s fastest-rising idol (who couldn’t sing, or act, or dance), Najimi, who was also wearing an old polo shirt.
“Tadano-kun!” she said, immediately giving him a noogie. No matter how much she tried, his cowlick bent back to its original position. “It’s so great to see my childhood best friend again!”
“Who, me?” he said, as if she didn’t have him in a headlock.
“Yeah, dummy! Who else?”
“I thought everyone was your childhood best friend,” Tadano said, pulling himself free. “Although I guess you wore this shirt because you knew we’d match, right?”
“What? Oh, I always wear this,” Najimi said. As if she were a comet pulled in by another planet’s orbit, she circled Komi. “Komi-san! You look just the same!”
She looked over herself as if trying to discern if this were a compliment or not. “I think Shou-- Komi-san means to say you look well, too,” Tadano translated, tripping over her name.
“Heck yeah I do!” Najimi said-- humble as ever, Tadano thought. “They’re starting the Najimi Network soon! A whole channel just for me!” She gave a double thumbs up. “Can you believe the network TV executive dude was also a childhood bestie of mine?”
“What are you even famous for, again?” Tadano asked, point blank.
Najimi shrugged. “Uh, duh? I’m Osana Najimi? I’m famous!” she said, laughing, before skipping off to greet all of her other childhood best friends.
“What a character, huh-- Komi-san?” he asked, hesitating before choosing to be formal. She stood still as a statue. Whenever he tried to interpret what she must be thinking, he couldn’t see past the invisible wall that had erected between them.
Long nails like claws gripped into Komi’s shoulder. They weren’t sharp enough to break the skin, they left an impression. The hand had been sprayed in Crazy About Love perfume scent, the original of one Yamai Ren.
“Do you like this scent, Komi-san?” she said, without introduction. “None of the girls in my hostess clubs are as beautiful as you, but this scent that my scientists designed can almost elevate them to your level.”
“Hello to you too,” Tadano said.
“Hi!” Yamai said, injecting enough venom in her tone to kill a horse. “Have we met?”
He almost began to introduce himself again before realizing that she had already turned away from him. “It’s not important,” she said. Komi-san began to tremble under her touch. “Ah… I’m never going to wash this hand again… ahahaha…”
“Aren’t you married?” Tadano asked, flinching at the look she shot over Komi’s shoulder.
“Only kind of!” Yamai said. “I only see the old fart once every few years! It’s just a business relationship! I keep my body pure for you, Komi-sama! Aah--”
“You’re making a fool of yourself,” came another voice, “cease and desist at once.”
Tadano relaxed a little as Nakanaka approached-- this time without a murder of crows or the howling of a wolf, but with her editor in tow, a handsome otaku that Tadano thought he’d seen in class before.
Yamai’s eye twitched. “Or what? You’ll name a villain after me in your ecchi crap?”
“You imbecile. It’s called shounen and it’s art,” Nakanaka scoffed. Her editor nodded sagely. “While you waste your time with 3DPD, you Forbidden Vixen of the Lotus Wastes, I’ve surpassed 1000 volumes of my original series, Code Inuyasha Shippuden Fate Zero: Revengeance.”
Komi bowed slightly to Nakanaka, who also transformed from a successful adult mangaka to a blushing teenage chuunibyou. Nakanaka opened and closed her mouth like a fish, trying to communicate, instead backing up to appreciate her from afar.
“Can’t you just write it in, like, one or two books? Why the hell do you need that many?” Yamai asked, equally baffled as she was enraged. Komi pried herself free of her grip. The two other women had long since forgotten her.
“You understand nothing of storytelling! I bet your knowledge of narrative arcs is limited to your dirty imagination!” Nakanaka said, pointing like a lawyer in a famous video game. Yamai’s breath hitched-- got her.
“Hey, no fighting,” scolded Onemine. She walked hand-in-hand with Otori, in tow. Tadano still didn’t knew if they were dating or if they just lived together because Otori would get lost without her. “This is a reunion. Don’t act like brats.”
Nakanaka and Yamai looked at their feet in shame. Somewhere on the sidelines, Sukida Lily snapped a photo of the two to add to her irl_yuri subreddit. Onemine turned away from them all.
Komi flinched as someone began to acknowledge her like a human being again. “Yo, Komi-san. Hey, Tadano-kun,” she said, nodding at him as well. “I’m glad you both could make it!” she said. “You’re an item now, I hear?”
“Y-yeah, haha! Actually--” Tadano began, reaching into his pocket before being cut off.
“Ooooohhhhh? Kooooomiiii-ssaaaaan?” asked Otori. She looked at Onemine. “Who’s that again?”
“C’mon, you remember. The cat cafe?”
“Ooooooohhhh. I geeeeeet it.” Otori gave Komi an airy smile. “I have no ideeeaaaa who you aaaare~”
“W-well, regardless,” Tadano said, reaching again into his pocket. “Komi-san, I--”
Shrieking like a pack of velociraptors broke out. Manbagi arrived with an entire pack of ganguro models, all wearing several items of her fashion line each, and they couldn’t stop squealing seeing Komi-san who was so totally kyuut and omg, surrounding Komi like an animal in a zoo. Tadano made a move to rescue her but his voice was drowned out by Naruse standing up on the buffet table and announcing his presence, Komitani describing in detail each item of food that fell wasted on the ground, as Onigashima started yelling in rage that her roast chicken had dirt in it now.
In the confusion, two burly arms had grabbed Tadano around the chest from behind. “Don’t fuckin’ move.”
Tadano did better than that-- he stopped breathing completely, even his heartbeat nearly stopping, beads of cold sweat racing down his face. The man holding him spun him around and immediately began to shake him like a ragdoll. “Senpai! It’s me! I ran the whole way from my dojo!” Katai Makoto said. “I’ve strengthened both my muscles and my communication skills! I have a whole ‘nother friend now!”
“Th-that’s great,” Tadano said. Sure enough, Satou Amami ran up behind him wearing a martial arts uniform and a black belt. Tadano sputtered. “Satou-san?”
“Yep,” she said, waving her hand. “I didn’t think mixed martial arts would be my thing, but I just couldn’t say no when he asked me to enroll in his dojo, and here I am!” To punctuate her sentence, she delivered a devastating kick to a tree, knocking loose a metric ton of cherry blossom petals.
Ohai Shuki made her way up to Satou. “Hey, Satou-san, I was wondering if yours got any bigger too--” and she paused.
“Oh? My what?” Satou asked. She stretched, highlighting her rock-solid calves and six pack abs visible through the white of the dojo outfit.
“N-nevermind,” the girl said, backing away. “I-it’s n-nothing.’
“Wow! You told me that this would help me build confidence, Katai-kun! And now… well, I don’t need it!” Satou said.
“Yeah!” Katai said. He turned back to Tadano. “Tadano-kun! I hear you’re living with maste-- er, Komi-san now! Congratulations!”
“Th-thanks,” Tadano said. He had given up trying to get a word in edgewise.
“I’m sorry… if I may be so bold! Senpai!” Katai tightened his grip from ‘tight’ to ‘about to eviscerate the other man’s shoulders.’ “May I be your best man?”
“What?! I-- I, er--” Tadano said. He didn’t think the ring box was that noticable. He’d thought of Najimi being his best man, but then again, he wasn't sure if she counted; Najimi changed her gender presentation at least once per week, which often graced idol magazine headlines. "I... I haven’t proposed… yet..." he mumbled.
"Oh," Katai said, deflating a little. "That's fine! You should take your time, Tadano-kun! Marriage is an important step!"
"It... it is," Tadano said. To him, it felt like more of a leap. Some idiot like him? Marrying Shou-- no, Komi-san? The ring box was only a constant reminder of how pathetic he was. "What about you? How are you doing?" he quickly asked. In retrospect, he wasn't fully sure if their rapid-fire conversation had even included a 'how are you?'.
"Well-- Doing well-- Weally well--” Katai coughed. "What’s it to ya?"
"That's good!" Tadano said, smiling-- which only, to his dismay, made Katai more nervous. "Satou-san made it sound like you have a dojo?"
"Y-yeah! I do!" Katai said. "My very own dojo! Except I run it with my older sister. And it's in her name."
"Ah." He smiled again, rubbing the back of his head. The bleach was finally beginning to wear out of Katai's hair, all these years later, leaving him with a mixed-color look not unlike tire marks atop his head-- but also as if the van that had run him over had exploded. "Well, that is fantastic! Congratulations!"
"And you, Tadano-kun? Are you a rock star? Or a superhero?"
"No, no, I'm just a teacher," he admitted. Just a teacher, while in attendance was a high-end designer, a CEO, a lower-ranked executive (Yadano screamed finding she was lower-ranked than Komi), and whatever the hell Najimi was.
"That's even better!" Katai shouted, and he didn't seem to know why he had begun to shout either. "Superheroes and rock stars are only heroes to people from far away! But teachers are personal heroes to their children!"
"That's... really profound, Katai-kun. Thank you."
Flattered, Katai did what he did best, which was ramble on because of nerves. "I mean, a teacher changed my life, too. I remember how much I struggled in high school. I stayed late one day in a teacher's class to try and prepare myself for the test he had upcoming. To this day, that teacher's words still ring in my ears." He closed his eyes, as if lost in the moment. "He said, 'what the hell are you doing in my classroom?'"
"That's... great."
He had gotten so used to the noise that the first quiet moment of the reunion overwhelmed him. Naruse had gotten off the table-- rather, had been whacked off by Inaka with a broom- and Agari had helped her set the tables with food. Tadano wanted to interrupt their planning and ask about Agari's food reviewing business- something to give Katai the chance to breathe- but felt that the second he did, she would drop all the plates she carried out of anxiety. He tried to spot Komi in the crowd but couldn’t see her any better than someone could spot a planet with their bare eyes from earth. After all, that’s how it had always been-- Komi excelling, meteoric, with him trying to just keep her in his vision.
"We all haven't been able to get together much, huh?" Katai said. "It's kinda weird, seeing everyone back together."
"Yeah, it is," Tadano said. "It almost feels like we never left high school, huh?"
"I suppose so," Katai said. The pair continued to observe the chaos. Manbagi eventually freed Komi from the crowd of her fans/friends and they ran from table to table, picking out macarons to sample. Najimi was near-simultaneously reading manga with Nakanaka, helping Inaka cut vegetables for a hot pot, and posing with Naruse. Agari had spotted Komi and immediately dropped every plate in her arms, as predicted, and then ripped her tights trying to collect all the food. "It's nice, but at the same time, I don't miss high school."
"No?" Tadano said. "Why not?"
"As great as it was, it sucked too,” he said, poetically. “Now I’ve stopped sucking as much and become my true self, who hardly sucks at all.”
"Also… profound," Tadano said. "I agree with you, for the most part. I do feel more satisfied than ever. However..."
"However?"
"High school was great, wasn't it?" he said. "Because in it, I got to meet all of you. Especially you, Katai-kun--" the taller man's blush ran deep scarlet, "--and Komi-san.” And then it faded.
Katai scratched his chin awkwardly. "Yeah... you're right, Tadano-kun. I’m glad I sucked so much."
“Er… me, too.”
The two parted after some more light conversation, Tadano finding himself drifting through the crowd. Every approach toward Komi-san ended in futility; Agari spilled food on him, Yamai ‘accidentally’ held a knife a little close to his path; the three normies (one still dressed as a ninja) knocked him down in their mad dash from their carpool, whining about having gotten out of the office late.
Watching the carpool drive off, he could only think that he could’ve been the fourth person to pile out of the car. He had applied to start an internship with some average office while he was still in an average college. It just felt like the right thing for an average person like him to do. But the day he was scheduled to go in for an interview, Komi-san all but shoved a newspaper ad in his face looking for 'empathetic individuals' who would be interested in becoming teachers. She had circled and highlighted 'empathetic' just in case he might miss it. And then underlined it.
In his classroom, he was a superstar. The center of attention. The hero that Katai had imagined. But outside of it, he was nobody. No matter how full his briefcase was with cards from his kids, his most defining attribute would be the guy who was dating Komi-san. And while he might have been fine with that, was she?
A pang of insecurity to him was a match to dry grass. It wasn't too late, was it? Would she think it awkward or unnecessary if he proposed? Would she even want to stay with him? At home, when he had pictured proposing to Komi in front of everyone, he pictured them all applauding-- them all finally recognizing that they were together. Now he would have felt like some desperate weirdo, even if he was her boyfriend.
He had drifted all but to the edge of the parking lot as the hot pot started. He didn't feel hungry anymore. While everyone else had left school and soared, he had just stayed behind with chalk dust on his hands.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder.
He nearly jumped out of his skin only to find a student, Shizuka, standing with her kitty-face lunchbox clutched to her chest. "Ah, Shizuka-san?" he said. "What are you doing all the way out here?"
The girl pulled out the notebook that Tadano had given her and wrote, I'm walking to the store for my mom.
"That's quite responsible of you,” Tadano said. The corner store was right nearby- Najimi’s old haunt, buying pocketfuls of snacks to smuggle into class and either eating them all herself or selling them during class at inflated prices- and her house must have been in the suburbs nearby. He pointed to the girl’s lunchbox. “Did you have fun at lunch the other day? When you ate with those other girls?”
Shizuka wrote so hard that her pencil almost tore the paper. I had a lot of fun. And it’s all thanks to you, Tadano-sensei.
He, for a brief moment, felt like the sun was a little brighter. “The strength was in you the whole time. I just showed it to you.”
The girl lingered, starting to write a message and then erasing it several times. Her brows knit in concentration. Tadano felt as if he were witnessing the birth of the next great novel. Finally, she revealed her masterpiece: how are you?
“Me? I’m fine," he lied.
She scratched at the paper a little more. Sometimes when I don’t feel good, I like taking deep breaths and looking at the cherry blossoms.
He chuckled. Was it that obvious? “Sure. Let’s take some deep breaths,” he said, then let her lead him through it this time. Afterward, the duo listened to the hum of cars drive by, a sharp contrast to the cacophony coming from the school. Shizuka cast several nervous glances at it before turning her eyes back to Tadano.
I haven’t had the chance to give you this, she wrote. She handed Tadano his laundered and folded handkerchief. Tadano-sensei, thank you again. I know now that I can live with a communication disorder.
She bowed to him before heading toward the store. He stared at the handkerchief- plain white- for a long time before slipping it into his pocket atop the ring box.
V.
He wasn't surprised when Komi clung to him like a koala when he returned to the festivities. Rather, he had become surprised at how much he counted on her doing just that, even holding his arms open for her.
Najimi had to leave first, claiming she was 'quadruple-booked' in several wildly different locations. Once Komi had stopped paying attention to her, Yamai had lost interest in the reunion as well. Onemine and Otori had gone off somewhere, perhaps to be by themselves-- or, more likely, Otori had gotten lost and Onemine had gone after her. And soon almost nobody was left to witness the proposal.
That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try. “Komi-san, I’ve been meaning to ask--”
"Tadano-kun! You gotta eat!" were the only words that he heard before Katai thrust a bowl full of hot pot delicacies into his hands. "You disappeared so suddenly! Did my words upset you?"
He smiled, only wavering when he realized that it was a serving bowl that was twice the size of anything he alone could eat. "No, the opposite. You've were right. I just needed to sit down and realize it," he said, as Komi picked out a bite of bok choy. "Thank you, Katai-kun."
“Really? A-aw, that’s… that’s great.” He grinned. “Let’s suck together, bro.”
Komi couldn’t stop giving him looks of confusion once he walked off.
---
The car ride home was the first intimidating silence they’d had in a long time.
Every time one of them broached conversation, the other silenced them without meaning to-- a misinterpreted breath, a sudden wave of the hand. They drove as Komi-san and Tadano-kun, not Shouko and Hitohito.
“Sh--” he shot himself down before she could. “I mean, Komi-san. I’m sorry.”
She glanced at him in confusion. The words flooded out, now. “I thought I was the one who wanted to go back and see all of our class,” Tadano said. “And it was fun! But… I guess I got spoiled and forgot I really am just an ordinary person.” His hands gripped the wheel tighter. “I let all these stupid feelings of insecurity get away from me and so I let go of your hand and even walked away. I’m truly a stupid and uncaring romantic partner, and--”
The car swerved suddenly, but on an empty road, so he was able to right himself from the shock of Komi suddenly putting her hand atop his. “It’s I who is at fault,” she said, words not like lightning but like a cold stream, washing over him but not overwhelming him. “I should have been able to tell you I was uncomfortable. However, once we arrived, I wound up feeling as if I had not grown since we left class."
"You too?" Tadano said.
She struggled for a minute, patting inside her purse for a notepad, but realized Tadano couldn't read while she was driving anyway. She faltered, as if trying to decide if it could wait the 30 minutes until they got home, before realizing they couldn’t and taking a deep breath. "It was strange. I had begun to take it for granted, the ability to be by your side," she said. "I feel as if my growth has been intertwined with your own."
"Am I dragging you down?”
“I feel as if I may be doing just that to you.”
He blinked in surprise. Another silence washed over them. The cherry blossoms that had looked so beautiful in the day now just polluted the road, covered pot holes that left them jolting inside the car. "I wish--” he stammered. What did he wish? “... I wish I didn't let go of your hand.”
"I do as well."
If only there was a way that they could avoid having to part, while not having to actually remain glued to one another's side. Something that he could give her as a constant reminder of himself, his quiet encouragement. Something that wouldn't have to envelope her whole hand, like a glove, but perhaps on a finger.
Whereas remembering the ring box always told him he wasn’t good enough, the handkerchief in his pocket said: It will be okay. You aren’t alone.
New proposal scenarios overwhelmed him. He could take Komi to a fancy restaurant-- no, she would have to pay. He could take her out to some nostalgic location-- but they had just been to school, and that hadn't gone well. And then he missed their turn home, careening up a hill instead.
"Hitohito," Komi said. He always knew how to get home.
"I'm sorry!" he said, now caught up in the fact that she had used his given name. "I was caught up thinking about where to propose is all!"
He settled back into the silence, admiring the stars above as the hill reached closer to a 90 degree angle. The road had tapered off from 'nicely paved' to 'more dirt than concrete' in a hurry, so staunch was the divide between the city and the countryside. For a moment he wondered if Inaka's farm was somewhere nearby and holy mother of god he just proposed to Komi in her car after a class reunion.
When he dared to steal a glance, she was blushing beet red. If she had been as calm and composed as a stream, all the water had suddenly evaporated from the overwhelming heat from her face.
He had just begun to think of a way to write it off as a joke when she said: "Pull over."
He did, car bumping as he pulled into a patch of grass. The stars twinkling above laughed at him. What in the world had he been thinking? How could he just say that? How unromantic could he be?
"Tadano-kun-- er." She managed to look him in the eye. "Hitohito."
"Sh-sh-shouko?"
"I have wanted you to propose to me for over a year."
The words hit him like a hammer to a gong, leaving his ears ringing. Every time she glanced into a wedding dress store or admired diamond rings in a magazine ad, he thought he was just having wishful thinking. It had only seemed like a matter of time until Komi realized that, while he had helped her launch like a rocket, she was now among the stars while he was stuck down in the dirt.
"I was..." she tried to collect herself. She hadn't said so many words consecutively in a long time. "It overwhelmed me to think about the scenario. Would you take me to a restaurant to propose? Or would you do it in front of a crowd?" she said. "I begun to feel anxious every date."
"I thought you were realizing that you didn't want to be with me," he admitted.
"I could never think anything of the sort!" Komi insisted. "Tadan-- Hito-- Hitohito!" her voice came out a squeak, cuter than anything Tadano had ever heard. "I'm just... I am so happy that you asked me to marry you here."
"Just in the car?" he chuckled. A boring proposal for a boring person.
"Yes-- and no. I am happy you asked me so naturally, as if loving me is something always on your mind," she said. "I am happy you asked me not during a huge display, but during the types of moments I want to have with you for the rest of my life, going into the future with you."
The rest of my life. The words played again and again like a looping melody in his mind.
"So... and I... I mean..." she said. While the words came naturally a moment ago, now they fought her every step of the way.
A sequence of events happened. Tadano almost forgot to put the car in park and it rolled backwards before he slammed the gear shift forward, causing them both to lurch. He fumbled with his seatbelt, trying to hit the button with shaking fingers. He pulled the ring box out of his pocket and opened it, the diamond catching the light of the stars.
He fumbled for a minute thinking of how to ‘officially’ ask before deciding, ultimately, that he didn’t need to. She held out her hand and he slipped the ring on her finger. And then he leaned over, cupping Komi's face with a hand, and kissed her in a way that said everything they possibly could.