Work Text:
Announcer: Final Stage!
[Master Hand floats into the stage giving his trademark laugh]
Fox: Hey uh, Master Hand? Can we talk for a second?
Master Hand: Huh? Oh uh... sure, what's up?
Fox: You see, I was thinking about this whole "Everyone is here" thing and uh...
Master Hand: Ha! I knew it! You love it!
Fox: Actually...
Master Hand: No seriously, you thought it was a great idea bringing back people we knew and love? like uh... Snake?
Fox: Well at least he's in good care now...
Master Hand: Or how about Daisy eh? I heard the fans wanted her so badly!
Fox: *sighs* She's just a clone or "echo fighter" as you call them...
Master Hand: Or uh...
Pichu: Pichu! Pichu!
[Master Hand flips him off, causing Pichu to flip him off back and leave]
Fox: What I'm saying is; why do this?! Why just throw everyone backin here like we can handle all of them?!
MAster Hand: Well you see, we do happen to have the budget to have them all, including the Ice Climbers - remember them? I don't - and instead of adding usless characters...
[2 hours later]
Master Hand: And maybe some new ways to screw up the online mode, remember how strict we were when people had to take a shit during a online match on the Wii U version?
[Fox is fast asleep]
Announcer: Uh... do you just wanna call it quits?
Master Hand: Wha- No! We can't do that! We got new characters to fill in!
Announcer: Well maybe we could add Waluigi?
Master Hand: Nope, too popular.
Announcer: Well then... Sora maybe?
Master Hand: Who?
Announcer: Shantae?
Master Hand: Uh...
Announcer: Maybe Goku? I heard he's be- [Master Hand pins him to the wall]
Master Hand: I swear I will Tingle to the roster if you say his name again, you understand me?!
Announcer: As... an unlockable joke character, or a starting joke character?
Master Hand: I said, d- Wait... joke character?
Announcer: Yeah, like uh... Dan hibiki?
Master Hand: Hmm...
Announcer: Or even Nav-
Master Hand: Wait a minute... I got it... [cue dark laughter]
[A challenger is approaching!]
Mario: Oh boy, a new character! I wonder who this ca-
Sara Osborne: [stares blankly] IMA CHRISTEN!! [proceeds to kick Mario's ass]
Master Hand: [laughing] I love this job...