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he really did try and get along with everyone but the one person that he looked up to most (apart from all might) hated him and to top it off his dorm room was shared with him, deku lost count of how many times he'd tried to help kacchan but got nowhere with it apart from almost getting burnt
deku always got up before kacchan as not to bug him when he finally rises from the dead so as normal he got up at 6:30 and got changed and had him teeth brushed within 10 minutes, he thought about getting breakfast but gave up on the idea when he hear kacchan start to wake up. Deku shot out of the door before kacchan even saw him, he wasn't scared OF kacchan himself but he was scared of disappointing him.
Deku thought about what he'd do after class but his mind trailed into other places as he walked to the library because an almost 2 hours earlier is just a bit too ambitious for even Deku. his mind kept thinking about why kacchan might hate him, the reason didn't matter too much as he didn't blame him because who would like him if he couldn't even like himself?
he sat down at a table tucked away and picked out a book to read, it was about all might. he looked up to all might but even with one for all he didn't feel good enough to be a hero, heros seemed so put together and happy and well not like him. all mights voice telling him to "quit crying so much kid" rang in his ears but they didn't hurt as bad as kacchan telling deku to kill himself, don't get him wrong all mights words hurt but he did think about what kacchan said a lot for the past few weeks when he's had to room with him.
he know kacchan knew that deku looked up to him but he had no idea about the whole true if he did deku would be killed on sight, he had a crush on kacchan which is other reason he wont be a good hero. he has way to many feelings and no way of letting them out apart from a bad habit, it started with just scratching and pinching himself but then he got a lighter and he started burning his soft skin until it was raw and he'd hurt himself in other ways like not eating for days at a time but that was mostly because he thought looked bad. Kacchan noticed a few things wrong with deku like not eating much and just how unhappy he seemed but deku didn't care if kacchan didn't care
back in the dorm Kacchan had gotten ready and started making some breakfast when it crossed his mind he hadn't seen deku eat anything in about 4 days and he was starting to look like he might pass out everytime he gets up so he makes scrambled egg on toast for himself and Deku
"Deku?!" kacchan yells but gets no reply "must be in the library..." he mutters to himself putting his and dekus food in containers along with a fork in each container (because who eats egg with a spoon? inside joke) and begines walking to the libaray. he spots deku alone in a dark aera, he feels kinda bad? for him. but none the less he walks other to deku who is too into reading or thinking to notice kacchan until he says his name
deku squecks "ah! sorry ka-kacchan i was lost in my book!" he looks scared?
"yeah, yeah, anyway i made you breakfast because you look like you're gonna die if you dont eat." kacchan rolled his eyes he wasnt mad at him maybe worried is the word for it?
"kacchan you really didnt need to do that..." deku sighed " and anyway I'm fine." it didnt sound at all true but he smile at kacchan anyway
"I hope you relise I'm not leaving until you at least eat half of it. I have no idea what's going on in your stupid little brain but I can guess and it's wrong deku." kacchan had a dead serious on his face and wait! does kacchan think deku has an-
"nononono! you have it wrong! its not like /that/..." if it really wasnt like how kacchan was making it seem then why did he feel worried about even thinging about eating in front of kacchan...? "I just dont l-like eating in front of people?" god he made it sound like a question!
"you really dont sound so sure about that." kacchan thought for a second "look I dont care about you but if you die the rest of our class will be upset so who has ever put /that/ idea into your head just dont listen. ok?"
how was he meant to say he was the one that put the idea into his own head? he put his head in his hands and huffed, why was it so hard!? and why was kacchan trying to help?! he wanted to run away or maybe hug or thank kacchan for trying
"by the way if its to impress someone, no girl would want to be with jack skellington." kacchan laughed at his own joke but izuku just muttered something too quiet for anyone to hear right "sorry what was that?" he stopped laughing to put focuse back on deku
"i-i said w-what if it-its n-not." the other half of the sentence was mumbled again and deku looked like he was about to panic or he was panicing
"look I know im a dick but people dont cry because i have no idea how to confort anyone so like calm down?" kacchan was being so calm and nice and well deku couldnt belive it. maybe it was just because they were alone but what he's just almost done was so stupid! he just almost came out to kacchan!
"I'm sorry..." deku looked down and tears started to fill his eyes as all mights words filled his ears 'quit the crying kid!'
"dont be. anyway what was you saying a minute ago? it seems improtent if its got you all messed up." kacchan crossed his arms on the table
he took a deep breath "what if it's a boy..." kacchan looked so confused like what was deku on about?
"i dont follow?"
"y-you said g-girls dont like skellingtons..." he was gonna hate himself for this and kacchan would hate him too! he started to sob into his hands
"woah, woah ,woah. ok you dont need to be crying, ok? and ok let me rephrase, people in genaraly dont want to date a walking skellington unless they think they can make them better or something. also if it make you feel better im not 100% on either team." kacchan was looking anywhere but at deku but he didnt miss the sobs turning to quiet sniffles. kacchan stood and held out a hand to deku "wanna go back to our dorm?" deuk nodded and followed right by his side
all deku could think about was that kacchan wasnt telling the truth and he'd tell everyone and he was also scared he'd tell all might. if he was honset he only wasnt running away because kacchan was there but if he wasnt deku would probably be on his bed with his lighter just burning or he'd try jumping out a window 'why dont you just kill yourself!' the words hurt and he knew kacchan ment them. dekus brain was starting too hurt and he couldnt think right, he didnt know if it was from crying or not eating for 5 days but it still hurt
when they got back to their dorm kacchan still couldnt get deku to eat anything so they both just went to class when the first bell rung, kacchan kept an eye on deuk the intier time but luckly the day passed soon enough and no one pointed out how spaced out deku was and kacchan had an training thing after the school day so deku was just in his dorm...alone
kacchan hadnt been with him for maybe an hour but he felt lost and right know he needed someone to talk the voice out of his head. all day kacchans words telling him to kill himself were there everytime he did or said the wrong thing and now he was alone and his dorm room was so high... and the window had such a pretty veiw.... the window was so big he could stand in it after a while he sat on the windowsill with his legs hanging out the window
"you should just kill yourself!"
his arms were pushing him father and father out the white frame until the door opened.shit.
"deku..." kacchan started trying to sound calm when he was about to freak out "if you come into the room now i wont tell a teacher..." he sounded like he was talking to a child but deku was listened and pulled his body backwards, he was still in the windowsill but his legs werent out the fucking window so 10 points to kacchan! "what ever is bugging you right now isnt forever " the open window was making him nervous
"but it is forever. it'll never go away!" deku snapped and started crying again
"maybe if you tell me I'll do anything i can to help, please can you close the window?" he only cried harder "I know you cant think right now but you can listen," he came closer and grabbed deku and pulled the sobbing boy into a hug "It's gonna be alright..." he ran his fingers through dekus hair "please talk to me."
"i like you!" he sobbed helplessly into kacchans chest
"i'd hope so since we share a dorm!" kacchan laughs but deku shakes his head
"no...i /like/ you..." kacchan froze then pulled deku even closer
"please for the love of all might /never/ try to hurt yourself over that dumb again! have you really been like his just because you have a crush on me?!" he wasnt making deku feel bad he was just scared
"im just so scared of disappointing you and all might and everyone and i couldnt do it anymore!"
"im not disappointed deku! i was just mean because i was worried about you being better than me..."
"that time you told me to k-kill myself has just stuck in my brain and i thought you really meant it..." the sobbed went down and luckly no teachers has come yet
"i am so sorry! but please just trust me next time, you can talk to me even if i seem like an asshole i really care, now no more secrets tell me everything thats gone on thats made you feel like this."
"i just didnt feel good enough and then my crush on you got worse and worse and i thought you'd hate me. i started bruning my arm to help the pain go away and i thought you'd be happy if i was dead..."
"deku i would /NEVER/ want you dead, also the burning needs to stop. also you are more then good enough for everyone deku, you try so hard in everything and dont give in!" he moved some one dekus hair out of his face and kissed his fourhead and held him tight "also you arent allowed to be alonw until i know you wont hurt yourself."
deku held onto kacchan like his life would end if he let got "you have one more thing to explain... why were you staving yourself?"
"i was listing are the reasons you might hate me and that just popped into my head and didnt want to leave..."
kacchan hummed in throught "you havent eaten in 5 days deku, you have to eat something once youve calmed down, ok?" he asked but more stated and deku shook his head
"i dont like people looking at me when i eat..."
"we could watch a show while we eat? its like way past dinner time anyway so you muct be hungry, i wont be staring at you. ok?" he heard a quiet "ok" back and hugged deku until he was calm