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Todoroki woke slowly, eyes fluttering open for brief moments before heavy lids closed once again. At first, he wasn’t quite awake. He existed in another category, hovering between sleep and consciousness, only faintly aware of his surroundings. He began to drift off again until the face which was previously pressed into the crook of his neck, pulled away some in a jerky motion. Bone hit his shoulder causing him to blink away some sleep, now hazily aware of his surroundings. It was still dark. Todoroki’s eyes closed and opened once again slowly similar to the way his joints would creak and strain when he used his right side too long without using the heat his left.
Once again, a jerking movement away and this time the bed dipped some. Todoroki shifted slightly, eyes lazily trailing over to where Midoriya now was. His back arched forward. Todoroki barely caught the slight shudder as he let his eyes dip along the curve of his back from his current slumped over position. A trembling shake of his shoulders and a muffled noise, something choked and sounding like a wounded animal, tipped Todoroki off that something was.. Off.
Todoroki shifted back as he sat up, hands going behind himself to help prop him up. His movements were a bit sloppy and slow but that was to be expected seeing he still wasn’t really all there. Sleep still pulled at his bones with a force that threatened to let his body sink down through the floor. Midoriya froze, shoulders halting for a moment as the bed dipped and shifted again. Todoroki pawed at his eyes with his right palm, yawing a bit as he spoke.
“Izuku?” His voice was gruff and his throat felt a bit dry from the sleep and no doubt the shouting the previous day with the pretty big fight that went down. Midoriya sniffled, too loud in the quiet room, and muttered a quiet ‘shit’ at the noises he made.
“Uh, hey-.. Hey Shouto…” Midoriya glanced back at him, trying to press on a smile though it was weak and cracked and, Midoriya silently thought, a piss poor excuse of a smile. No one would feel secure in it. He seemed to physically wilt further at his own thoughts. Despite it all, he continued to force the wavering smile. “Sorry, did I wake you?”
Todoroki frowned. It was hard to make out his features in the dark, but Midoriya looked off. He sounded off. Everything was just.. Off kilter. “Yeah but-.. Izuku are-...” He sighed, trying to find the words in his hazy state. “Are you okay?” Todoroki receives a slight hum in response though, just like his smile, it quivers and falls flat as he turns away from Todoroki again. He quickly reaches up to wipe away his tears with his back turned.
Midoriya considers lying for a brief moment. To come up with a bullshit excuse for why he was crying. After a second of thought he decides that he won’t lie just-.. Omit the full truth. Give part of it and leave the rest for assumption. “It’s okay.. Just a bad dream,” he mumbled, still not facing Todoroki.
“Mhm..” Todoroki’s frown deepens, and he lets out a deep sigh. “What was it about?” He asks softly, scooting further back in bed. He tries to stifle and hold back his yawn after his question, hoping not to disturb it’s delicate place hanging in the air between them. In all honesty, Todoroki didn’t know how bad the situation really was. He didn’t know if it was simply a silly bad dream like Midoriya tended to get. He didn’t know if it was something worse. Something that sunk heavy in his chest like lead and poisoned his brain. Something like the nightmares Todoroki still got from his childhood that left him gasping for breath and crying. He didn’t know, and the truth was, he didn’t care. No no, he did care what it was if it bothered Midoriya, but the thing was.. He didn’t care if it was a dream about accidentally stepping on a bug that left him crying or a dream that Todoroki rather not entertain the thought of. If it left Midoriya like this, then it clearly was something that needed- deserved attention.
In the moments of silence after Todoroki’s question, Midoriya remained still, body only shuddering when he sniffled some. “U-Uhm… It-.. It was dumb.. It’s okay, Shouto.. I-I’ll be fine.. Just a silly dream, right?” Despite his claims, he remained curled up on himself, back to Todoroki. “Just a silly dream,” he mumbled, this time to himself.
Another sigh from Todoroki. “Hey.. Sit back with me, yeah?” He said softly. He leaned forward some to splay a warm palm against Midoriya’s back. The reaction was instantaneous, Midoriya leaned back into his touch though he didn’t turn to face him just yet. There was a beat before Midoriya hummed a bit in agreement and hesitantly scooted back so that he was more level with Todoroki. His hand still remained on Midoriya’s back, acting as a tether.
Todoroki didn’t push anything, instead remaining silent after that. His fingers worked their way across Midoriya’s back, leaving a trail of buzzing warmth in their wake. Midoriya seemed to follow like the ocean curved up to meet the moon before crashing back down. They continued like that, Midoriya leaning into his touch and Todoroki rubbing circles or drawing designs across his back. Finally, after what was probably only a handful of minutes, Midoriya spoke up again. He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged his legs close to himself.
“It-... It was a lot… The- the dream that is.. It’s always a lot.. Or- I mean- I guess like sometimes a lot? Sometimes it’s just-.. I-” He heaved a sigh, words not quite leaving his mouth in the same order they arrived. “It was-.. It was about Kacchan.” The childhood nickname felt like poison on his tongue. It burned his throat and seared the roof of his mouth. It left his lips tingling, no stinging in an unpleasant way. It wasn’t like the fizzy tingle he felt when him and Todoroki kissed. It felt like he had sipped on something too hot. Like his lips were raw or burning from pepper. He hated it.
Todoroki’s hand stilled for a moment before it continued, this time rubbing a slow figure eight into Midoriya’s back. Midoriya shuddered for a moment as he thought of what he was going to say next, or more accurately how he was going to articulate it. It wasn’t news to his friends that him and Bakugou had.. A sort of rocky past. It lasted into their time at Yuuei before, eventually, slowly dying out. It never quite ended. They were far from best friends, but Midoriya wasn’t treated as harshly as before. It was a rivalry more than anything where Bakugou seemed to treat him as an equal and less of a bug under his shoe. Still, no one fully got a grasp on how things used to be.. And Midoriya never fully got over that.
“Uhm..” He sniffled again and reached up to wipe away tears with the sleeve of his sweater, it was Todoroki’s but that made it better. “I don’t really remember it all, but-.. It was just.. Kinda.. Stuff from before I guess…? Like-.. When we were kids.. Before Yuuei.” His voice trailed off. Todoroki’s hand stilled again before continuing.
They have had many conversations in the past about their childhoods. Most often than not, it was Todoroki letting the words dribble from his lips as Midoriya held his shaking hands or carded fingers through his hair. Midoriya pressing soothing touches to his skin or speaking in a hushed tone to soothe the burning ache in his chest. To smother the fire that was once fear, turned to hatred and sorrow. He helped him slowly unlearn bad habits. Helped keep the smile on his face. Helped him realize all of the love around and within him. The scars were still there. The anger never really went away. Still Midoriya held his hands and kissed the corner of his mouth and managed to help him through it all.
This time, Todoroki was determined to do the same.
“..What did happen?” He asked slowly, almost cautiously. It wasn’t that he or anyone else they knew weren’t curious. Many called them childhood friends. From the way Bakugou would snear, and eventually get a regretful glint in his eyes, or the way Midoriya would flinch and offer a wavering smile, it was clear that childhood friends didn’t quite cover it.
Midoriya wrung his hands together for a moment, eventually letting his fingers trail along the scars there. It became a habit of his to trace along the gnarly scars as he mulled over something that conflicted him, just as muttering to himself as he thought out a plan was a habit. Finally after a moment he spoke up again, his gaze down at his hands and lap.
“Uhm.. It was a lot..? I guess we-.. We kinda started out as friends.. Or as much of a friend as two kids could be or whatever.. At least before his quirk manifested. It really just ended up being me following him around everywhere he went.. I-.. I always thought he was so cool.. I mean the other kids thought so too anyway. But- uhm.. But yeah then he got his quirk and he.. Just started bullying people. I still followed him around. I got-” He sucked in a breath and held it for a second. “I kinda was on the receiving end of it a lot.. Sometimes just because I would stand up for the other kids he’d pick on…” Midoriya leaves it at that for the moment, letting the words hang there.
Todoroki supposed it wasn’t really a surprise. Though Bakugou had improved greatly over the years, he was still brash and didn’t always know when to hold his tongue or how to speak words that weren’t explosive and burned. So, seeing him as a childhood bully, a tormentor, didn’t seem to be that far off kilter for his past. Todoroki’s hand dragged up to massage Midoriya’s tense neck for a moment causing him to relax some. He clearly wasn’t done with what he had to say.
“..But, ah, I got kinda beat up over shit.. And.. He said a lot of shit. I mean you know he does.. It’s just-.. Like, uhm… Before we went to apply to Yuuei, he.. He like cornered me after class with his buddies and threatened me to not sign up, y’know? I-I mean,” he forced a trembling laugh, “like he had to be the only one from our school to get it. Had to be number one.. And it’s just-.. It was always my dream, right? And-And then-” He froze for a second before shaking it off. “And he just told me to take a swan dive off the building,” he said, voice cold and distant. His body trembled some as he continued to stare off into space. Todoroki scowled some.
“Izu..” He said softly. Midoriya didn’t look over. He just clenched his fists and shut his eyes.
“It... Y’know it was fucking stupid, but it was.. It was kinda tempting? I mean I-I wouldn’t have done it, but-.. But I considered it,” he said quietly. He let the tears spill down his face and didn’t bother wiping them away.
Todoroki’s hand left Midoriya’s neck as he quickly moved so that he was now facing him. Midoriya tucked his chin down towards his chest so his messy mop of curls could hide his face some. He finally reached up to try and wipe away the stream of tears. Todoroki really wasn’t having any of that and, with his left hand, he tilted Midoriya’s chin up and helped swipe away tears with the other.
“S-Sorry.. This is-.. It’s stupid,” Midoriya choked out with a strangled laugh. Todoroki scowled further and gently rubbed his thumb under his eye to catch the tears that fell.
“It’s not though.. You know I still get nightmares over my past, and you say that that isn’t stupid.. So why are yours? Izuku, I-.. I really hate that you feel this way, but I’m glad you’re telling me.” He frowned trying to think of the right words. “I want to know if something upsets you. You’re perfectly normal in feeling like this,” he said, words mirroring something that Midoriya had told him in the past. “I love you and I want to help,” he said quietly. Finally Midoriya met his gaze as more tears welled up.
“Thanks,” he croaked out, tears spilling over his cheeks again. “I-I just- I don’t w-want it to bother me,” he said with a hiccup. “I’m supposed to be strong for- for everyone.” He squeezed his eyes shut, hands balling up the sheets in his fists.
“You’re already so strong, Izuku.. Let me be strong for you for once.” Todoroki leaned in press a kiss to his forehead as Midoriya’s hands dropped the sheets to instead fist Todoroki’s shirt.
They remained like that for a bit. Todoroki pulled him into his lap, wiping away tears and pressing kisses to his face and hairline. Midoriya allowed himself to cry, swallowing down the insecurity of being a hero and letting himself be so openly vulnerable like this. He let himself be cared for and shushed and allowed the words of reassurance. It didn’t stop the nagging that he had to put on a smile and be the strong one. It didn’t stop the fact that he still felt like his issues were so trivial in the scheme of things. Still he let it be.