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“Someone stole your what?”
“My front porch!” Lance repeated, pacing furiously in front of his now-porch-less house and scowling at the empty gap in front of his door. Sure, he didn’t exactly live in the most pristine neighborhood, but what the actual hell.
“What.”
“Hunk, you've gotta help me!”
The phone was quiet for a moment. “You know I’d love to, man, but… I’m not sure what I could do in a situation like this. Did you call the police?”
“The operator wouldn’t stop laughing at me!” Lance stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.
“Did you at least—”
“Yeah, yeah, they’re on their way to investigate now.”
“Okay, so what do you want me to do about it?”
“It’s bro code, man! When one bro gets his front porch stolen, the other bro’s gotta be there for him! Everyone knows that!”
Hunk sighed. “Want me to take you for ice cream after the police get there?”
Lance nodded, sniffling a little.
“Hunk, that’s it!”
“What’s it?”
“That’s— Hunk, Hunk, pull over— that’s my porch! That guy is sitting on my porch!”
It had been a few weeks since the infamous porch incident, which Lance was still very much hung up over thank you very much, and he had all but given up ever seeing his beautiful front porch again.
But he’d recognize those faded bright blue mahogany steps anywhere.
Hunk’s yellow land rover screeched to halt on the side of the street and Lance swung the door open, completely ready to throw down. Sure, he may have arms with about the same consistency as wet noodles and a very low pain tolerance, but he also had Hunk to back him up when he inevitably got in over his head.
“That’s my porch!” Lance repeated, pointing an accusing finger at the villain who dared to lounge around on his front porch. Seriously, the nerve.
The villain in question turned to face him, effectively stopping Lance in his tracks. A brief flicker of surprise crossed the man’s face before he schooled it into something more challenging, quirking an eyebrow.
“Prove it.”
Now would be the time for Lance to say something intelligible, but all his brain supplied was oh no he’s hot.
But of course, he couldn’t say that to his newfound archenemy, so instead he settled for screeching “You have a mullet!” before running back to the safety of Hunk’s land rover.
Lance didn’t get his porch back.