Chapter Text
2013
“Ranking in looks! Ranking in looks! Ranking by Jungkook!” Hoseok yells excitedly, the camera swinging towards him.
“Ooh yes, let’s go,” Jin says.
“I’m going to be first this time, I’m sure of it!” Jimin smiles at the camera, winking boldly.
Jungkook smiles bashfully, and starts to rank them, starting from the second. As always, as expected, there’s Jin and Jimin left for first and seventh place.
As always, as expected, Jungkook ranks Jin first. Jimin makes a sound of annoyance, laughing loudly, hitting Jungkook playfully. Jungkook does nothing but laugh at Jimin.
What all the other hyungs notice, and what Jungkook alone doesn’t, is the hurt in Jimin’s eyes; and how small, how very small he feels, despite his big personality. Jungkook is blinded by his own fear — of being disliked by the public, for his fans to find him boring, that he grabs onto his only certainty. He’s seen the way fans react when he teases Jimin; they find it funny. Not knowing what else to do, he holds onto that, uses it so often in front of cameras that reality melts into fiction, and the line between amusing and hurtful is blurred.
But with innocent childishness, he doesn’t realise.
2014
Jimin hasn’t changed. He’s still the same bubbly, muscular boy.
Jungkook hasn’t changed much either. He continues to tease Jimin about his height, about his appearance, and with still no clue that Jimin cares more than he lets on.
The fans give Jimin a nickname of ‘mochi’ and Jungkook thinks that fits with Jimin perfectly. Small, squishy and cute. Innocent.
He comes up behind Jimin one day, reaching up to poke his cheeks.
“Manggaeteeeeoookkk.” He says in a baby voice, smiling at Jimin.
“Ah, stop it,” Jimin says, a small smile on his face. He pushes Jungkook off and walks away.
Jungkook looks at his retreating back in amazement. Jimin had never pushed him off before. He pouts, sitting down and pulls his phone out to play a game on it.
It’s okay, Jimin will always come back, all smiles and laughter, rosy apple cheeks, reassuring Jungkook that it wasn’t a big deal.
2015
Jimin’s become smaller. Jungkook knows this; because whenever he hugs Jimin, both his arms can fold around his frame.
“Ah Jiminie, why are you so small now?” he teases.
“I’m your hyung,” Jimin says, laughing. “I’m not small.”
x x x
They get their first win with I Need U, and Jimin cries in the lift. Jungkook only finds out later; but when he tries to hug Jimin at the dorm, smiling widely, Jimin tells him, “It’s okay, Jungkook. You don’t need to pretend.”
Pretend?
2016
They’ve just returned from dance practice, and Jimin isn’t eating, although Jin hyung cooked really nice food.
“Jimin hyung, aren’t you going to eat?” he asks softly, looking at Jimin take only a small portion for himself.
“I… already ate,” Jimin says, flashing a bright smile at Jungkook.
“You didn’t.” Jungkook frowns.
Jin clears his throat. “Jungkook, leave Jimin alone. If he says he ate, that means he ate.” Jin gives Jungkook a look he doesn’t understand, and turns to Jimin with a smile. “If you’re hungry later, there’s food in the cupboard, okay, Jiminie? Managers bought the biscuits that you like.”
Jimin nods.
Jungkook looks away, shrugging. Okay.
He doesn’t see Jin’s hand curl around Jimin’s back to give him a tight, hidden hug. He doesn’t see the other members look at Jimin with nothing but sadness and worry in their eyes.
Jimin heads to the toilet to look at the mirror, again. He thinks about how Jungkook’s grown, how he’s really become a man, all sharp jawlines and cheekbones.
He looks at himself, cheeks all fat, nose flat, small, puffy eyes. He lifts up his shirt to look at his stomach, at the layer of fat that hides his muscles. He leans on the sink and sighs.
x x x
Jungkook isn’t completely clueless. He realises, a few weeks later that something’s going on. Jimin isn’t eating, he’s quieter, his confident aura has crumbled and disappeared.
He hesitates, but eventually confronts Jimin about it.
“Hyung…”
“Yes, Jungkookie?”
“Why haven’t you been eating?”
Jimin freezes and looks at Jungkook like that’s the last thing he expected to come out of Jungkook’s mouth.
“I’m dieting.” He says, voice monotone.
“That’s not a diet, hyung. You’re starving yourself.”
Jimin pauses, looking at Jungkook with too much emotion in his eyes, and yet, none at all.
“Maybe that’s what I need to do.” He says, voice less than a whisper.
Jungkook shakes his head. No, no, he doesn’t need to—
“Why do you care, Jungkook-ah?” Jimin asks, his eyes trained at the ground.
“Should I not care?” Jungkook’s confused. His hyung is hurting, and… it hurts him.
“Well, you never cared before.”
x x x
Jimin faints during dance practice.