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“Seongwu, it’s Minhyun!” he called out, too lazy to fumble through his own keys and oper the door his self. No one opens the door, which Minhyun found weird because Seongwu’s shoes were left outside, which usually signified he was home.
Minhyun was away for a week to visit his family. He made sure to leave all types of notes for Seongwu to do while he was away – throw the trash every morning, don’t leave dishes sitting in the sink for a long while, sweep away any crumbs you leave in the living room, and lastly – stay alive.
He opens the door and what he sees next leaves a shock in his face. The whole apartment was a mess. Leftover chips on one side, unwashed dishes, and the trash bin that seems to have been living there since forever. And there he sees Seongwu, albeit still alive – he was in his red pajama and white shirt, one bottle of beer on one hand and whole lot on the table, and seemingly have fallen asleep while watching the television. He jolts himself awake on the sound of the door opening and the smell of Minhyun’s distinct perfume smell. It was half past 3 PM and he was an unimaginable mess.
“Hey,” Seongwu says as he pushes his hair back, yawning.
“What are you?” Minhyun’s eyebrows were arched up, doing that judging-you-from-head-to-toe look. As gentle as he seems, he could be a judgmental ass sometimes.
“Huh?” he was asking, as if he wasn’t aware already of how much of a disarray he was.
“Jesus Christ, Seongwu, you’re a mess. What the fuck just happened while I was away?”
“You don’t need to remind me, Minhyun. I AM a mess.”
Minhyun immediately leaves his bag on the floor and the brown, large paper bag full of food he brought in the table. Sitting next to Seongwu, he was getting more worried and angrier every minute.
“What happened?” he looks intently into Seongwu and Seongwu could do nothing but stare back. Seongwu knew that look very well. They’ve been best friends ever since the first day of university. Minhyun, as gentle and as calm as he is, he was always someone you can rely on. And that look of Minhyun’s eyes – there was nothing else that could make Seongwu feel like it was okay to be fragile for a while. He hated that look so much.
He breaks down in front of him. It was not until a few minutes later that he was able to muster himself up and tell Minhyun what happened. But from the looks of it, he didn’t have to tell Minhyun because he already knew. It was about Daniel, his boyfriend of 2 years.
“Is this about Daniel?”
Seongwu nodded without saying a word nor looking up. “We’ve been together for 2 years. 2 years. I just.” he pauses, inhaling and exhaling deeply. “I just didn’t know it would end this way.”
“He said he needed some time to think. Think about what? Fuck it, that’s what. I don’t know what happened. How it happened. He can’t even tell me why. All he said was he needed some time to think.” He raises his still half full beer to his mouth to sip more but Minhyun quickly holds his hands and takes his drink away from him.
“You don’t have to talk about it. It’s okay.” He tucks Seongwu into his broad chest, caressing his back. Seongwu has been dealing with this for a week. The mere presence of his roommate was comforting. Somehow, Minhyun always knew what to say. It was only one of the very few reasons he was Seongwu’s favourite person (sometimes, even more than Daniel, and he hated to admit it.)
The two roommates met on the first day of university, where Minhyun, too compliant with his schedule and also too nervous, went to class an hour before it started - only to find out that he has been sitting on the wrong class until they started checking the attendance and his name wasn’t called. But before it all happened, there was Seongwu. Seemingly a cool guy with a very manly aura and perfectly sculpted visuals. He was the type to pass a class by doing little to no effort, all because he knew his way around pleasing teachers. Sure, it was the first time they met, and by ‘met’, it was only their first encounter. It wasn’t necessarily the first time they talked until a week later.
Seongwu and Minhyun were in different departments. Seongwu in Acting and Minhyun in Music – it meant having different classes, different rooms, and different schedules. But even then, Seongwu and Minhyun would often find time to eat lunch and spent vacant hours together if possible. This was one of those days.
They decided to meet at their all time go-to café near the campus. At times, this was their favourite café because it reminded them of how they met a week after crossing each other’s paths during the first day of university where Minhyun accidentally sat on the wrong class. For some days, it was because it felt like their second home in the city after living far from their parents and deciding to share apartments. After all, this was mostly where they shared memories of having to stay up all night to cram paper works; which is like, all the goddamn time.
“Hey!” Minhyun said when he finally spotted Seongwu who has already arrived at the place and allotted their favourite spot in the café – the one by the window.
“Woah, what’s with the smiling face? You seem so happy today?” Seongwu says.
“Guess what? I’ve got a date tonight,”
“With who? Don’t tell me it’s some—“
“Oh please, save it for yourself dumbfuck. One of my friend’s setting me up tonight,” Minhyun says giddily.
“A friend? Setting you up? And you’re letting some friend set you up and that friend is not me?”
“Oh, shut up. I’ve been nagging you to set me up with that cute girl from your department – and why am I still not dating her? Right. ‘Cause you never set me up,” he says, backfiring at Seongwu.
“Blame it all on me all you want. You know I’m a busy man.” He says, sipping on his coffee like an old man, staring at the sight offered by the window.
There was a reason this was their favourite spot in the café. It was mid-October. Leaves ranging from orange to reddish brown start to stray along the streets and quite soon enough, Seongwu finds his self being late to class because apparently, he goes on for a good 20 minutes just playing around and stepping on the crispy, stumbled leaves as if he were a 5-year-old playing in the snow. He loved the sound of it, by Seongwu’s defense. As it reminded him of how he always loved Autumn as a child for the very same reason.
“Right, right. I was kidding. I’m just sayin’, the last time you had a blind date didn’t go so well.” He says with a naughty smile on his face.
“Can you like, be a good friend to me and not remind of that night? God. It was a fucking nightmare.” Minhyun rolls his eyes as he said these words as if the bitterness of that night hasn’t faded from his mouth.
“Right.” Seongwu still laughs but manages to keep it from Minhyun. He did seem angry – and Seongwu didn’t like it no matter how amusing it was. “I kinda miss dating, you know? It’s been months since I’ve been to one.. But tell me if your date goes well?” he takes a sip of his drink and looks by the window.
“Didn’t you just go on a date last week?” Minhyun wanted to ask about Daniel, but he didn’t think Seongwu was ever ready to talk about relationships after he broke down. He couldn’t find a good timing, either way.
“Yeah.” Seongwu says, trying to fake a smile.
“So?”
“I mean, it was okay. You know that kind of satisfaction you get when a date really goes well? I couldn’t find that – with anyone I’ve dated after Daniel. I figured, if I wanted to go on a date, I want to do it with someone I know well. Someone who knows what we’re doing. Not just someone I know I’ll never see again after.”
Minhyun keeps his face tilted down as his eyes shift from the menu to Seongwu. “Why don’t I take you tonight instead?”
“I’m sorry?” he just laughs at Minhyun, not even bothering to look at him and ride along with his jokes.
“No, I’m serious. I’ll take you out instead. It’s been so long since we actually hang out, you know. And hey, I still owe you a lot for covering up for me when I lost my dad’s watch,” he laughs at the memory.
“What about your date, though?”
“I’ll just tell my friend to set her up with someone else. So?”
“Hmm. Whatever you say, big head,” he tries not to smile too much. The past few months have been really hectic for Seongwu that he has been neglecting his social life. Besides, this was Minhyun he was going out with.
Before Seongwu realizes it, Minhyun quickly closes his book and carries his bag, “See you tonight,”
“Minhyun.” He says softly. “This means a lot.”
Minhyun smiles and before he finally leaves Seongwu in the table,
“.. oh, and wear a suit.”
As caring and affection they were with each other, Seongwu and Minhyun always saw each other as friends and no more than that. It never really occurred to one of them that it could be more than friendship. What with all their busy schedules – they only meet when they have free time and in the dorm. There were times that one would go home without the other. Albeit, it wasn’t something that hindered their friendship. Without saying anything, they both knew that despite all the friends they’ve met in the university – they only have each other to rely on at the end of the day.
The clock strikes 7:00 pm. Seongwu, being late to everything all the time, looks at the mirror as he fumbles to finish his tie quickly before Minhyun comes to pick him up (despite the fact that they literally live in the same apartment). For some reason, Seongwu always had that navy blue tuxedo sitting in his closet. He only used it once for a university night right before he met Daniel. Atleast, he thought to his self, it wouldn’t hurt as much as if he had worn it the day he and Daniel met.
Minhyun knocks on the door and Seongwu, feeling proud of his self for being just in time, opens it for him. When Seongwu opens the door, they both leave each other in awe. For an awkward second there, they scan each other; head to toe.
“Don’t we literally live on the same apartment?” Seongwu asks, shaking his head.
Minhyun brushes the question off. “Ready for tonight?” he asks instead with his hands on both his pockets.
He wore a very dark black suit with his hair down. He looked different that night, Seongwu thought. But good.
“Pretty much. I feel like I’m on a real date.”
“Hey, this is a real date.” He insists. One hand on his pocket, he clears up his throat, fixes his tie with his other hand, and paces the room slowly. He stops in the middle of the living room and deliberately judges the place as if he hasn’t lived there for the past 3 years.
“So, nice place you’ve got? Hmm, sophisticated. And indeed very tidy. You know, they say that the house reflects the owner. Which says pretty good about you,” he winks horribly and fails. He tries to laugh out the embarrassment.
Seongwu cackles at the thought of Minhyun trying to pretend to be another person and flirt (and how cringy he actually is). “As much as I’d like to take credit for your compliments, it’s actually my roommate who did most of the work.”
“Oh, this roommate of yours, eh? Is he handsome?” Minhyun smirks.
“You would say.”
“Pretty hard for you to keep your eyes off of him, no?”
“Nah, I’m good. He isn’t really my type” he jokingly whispers.
“Hey! You’re ruining it for me!”
For the past 4 years, Minhyun has learned something about Seongwu and first dates: he is one elegant man. And so, Minhyun decided to bring him to a restaurant with an environment. Dim lights, jazz music, and most importantly – good food.
“Wow, so I get to see what Hwang Minhyun is like on a date,” Seongwu says. The atmosphere really had something in it that twists their. He couldn’t deny that, and because of it, they couldn’t help but flirt.
“And so I also get to see what Ong Seongwu is like on a date night,” Minhyun hits back. They both laugh at each other. “So tell me, what moves do you have?”
Seongwu clears his throat and straightens up his back.
“It’s pretty simple. It goes like this – it starts with the bottle of champagne.” he pops the bottle - named Laurent-Perrier 1812, as recommended by the chef - open and pours it on their wine glasses.
“You know, I usually wait until the end of the date to kiss you,” he pauses for a bit as he tries to perfect the eye contact and connection with his date. “But, god, you’re so beautiful.” he shakes his head a bit and leans forward that their faces are no more than an inch away from each other. “I don’t think I can wait any longer.”
There was silence in between them. Minhyun was unable to say anything, instead, he just kept their eye contact with Seongwu. For a moment, he thought, it felt real.
“Wow,” Minhyun reclined back to his chair. “As expected, Ong Seongwu of the acting department. For a moment there I was about to lean in and fall for it.”
“So, tell me about your moves too,” Seongwu takes a sip of his champagne.
“It could wait later. Seongwu,” the way he said his name called out Seongwu’s attention. His voice was surprisingly low and.. serious. He became anxious the moment he looked up at Minhyun’s eyes; it was telling something.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Yeah, what is it?” minute by minute, Seongwu was becoming more and more nervous.
“How are you coping up these days?”
Seongwu breathes a sigh of relief. Although this was quite a sensitive topic in his part, it was lighter than what he thought it ought to be. He has been avoiding this question all along. It wasn’t that he didn’t hear what Minhyun was asking (that Minhyun just brushes the question off and changes the topic), or that all he can pick off of his vocabulary are the words I, don’t, and know. Like Minhyun, he was just trying to find a perfect timing that they can discuss the topic – where they were both literally and emotionally in place to finally make up their minds and be mature about it. Perhaps, when the question popped off from Minhyun’s mouth, Seongwu thought it was the perfect moment to talk about it.
“I’m.. okay.” He inhales heavily. “I have you. I have my family. The acting department. I have a lot of papers to finish and stages to rehearse, enough to keep me going for the short run.”
Minhyun nods and leans forward to cup Seongwu’s right hand to his. He was holding it so close to his chest that it was so warm. “Your hands are so warm,” Seongwu said, but Minhyun only nodded, smiling warmly, too.
There’s this saying that goes ‘if someone has cold hands, it means that the person has a warm heart’. But Seongwu disagreed. It was possible, after all, for a person to have warm hands all the while having a warm heart.
“I still think of him from time to time, no. Daniel was a big part of my life.”
But even the biggest parts of our lives leave. Maybe someday he’ll come back, maybe he won’t. But for now, he has his own life to continue and whatever happens, happens.
“Do me a favor,” Minhyun pauses. “and don’t keep it all to yourself. The thought worries me all the time.”
Of course, Minhyun wasn’t oblivious. Maybe Seongwu never noticed, but from time to time, he would check Seongwu in his room. On some nights, he hears him cry. And it keeps him awake the whole night. On other times, he sees Seongwu happily listening to music, or maybe finally resting after a long day. And seeing it makes him sleep better that night.
“I won’t.”
“Anymore?”
“I promise.”
Minhyun squeezes his hand in a reassuringly.
“Is this your move?” Seongwu shifts his gaze from his date’s eyes to their intertwined hands.
“What is?”
“This.” This time, he led their hands up to show it to the owner of the hands holding his so delicately.
“Oh. Well, I guess it could be.” The way he said this made Seongwu laugh. Oftentimes, Minhyun was the bigger person with all his maturity. But seeing Minhyun do something so clueless-ly makes him look so small.
“Come on, just answer!” Seongwu with his smile wide carelessly throws his coat to the couch. He then goes to the refrigerator and opens a can of coke.
“That’s unfair! You can’t ask that,” Minhyun snorts back.
“Come on, if Jisung, Jaehwan, and Woojin had a fight, who would you bet on losing for $50?”
“Well, we all know how strong Woojin’s built is, and you know Jisung’s been working out,”
“And Jaehwan?”
“Jeez, Seongwu,” he shakes his head looking at Seongwu. “Jaehwan is a good guy.”
“Then there you have it!” He pops his arms wide open as if to celebrate Minhyun’s defeat.
It’s been the best night Seongwu and Minhyun had in months. The dinner, the date, the conversations and the laughters in between. It felt.. right.
“I never knew I could enjoy a date so much,” Minhyun says, as he sits on the couch and rests his arms wide open to occupy the whole space.
“Well, that’s ‘cause you’ve never been on a date with me.” Seongwu smirks. He knew so well how to play with words.
Minhyun stares at him for a long time, unknowingly, smiling. He was unable to think of anything or say anything, because admittedly, it was true. He’s never had a better date than tonight because he’s never been on a date with Seongwu. “Huh,” was all he could say.
“So tell me, what are Ong Seongwu’s end-of-the-night moves?” Minhyun asks.
“Do you really want me to show you?”
Minhyun nods.
“Then you might want to come over here,” Seongwu flirtingly said, stepping slowly to him as Minhyun also goes over to him, complying to his words.
“Usually, by the door before we bid our goodbyes, I slowly move forward to his body.” They were already so close to each other but Seongwu steps more, that they were now sharing each other’s heat.
“Then, I inch my face towards his.” Seongwu’s face was now only separated by a few centimeters away from Minhyun’s. Inhale, exhale. They can feel each other breathing.
His eyes go over from Minhyun’s lips to his eyes. Slowly, intently, deeply. He cups Minhyun’s face, his thumb caressing his lips. He leans in more, breathing more deeply. They were now so close – it was as if they were.. one.
“So tell me, what are Hwang Minhyun’s end-of-the-night moves?” he asks without moving from their place. But Minhyun just stands there firm, static in time. He keeps surprising him. It was as though his words hit him back, because this was actually a real date – although, a little more than what he schemed it to be. But it just felt so right. He snapped back to reality.
“Do you really want to see it?” he was now whispering. His voice was so low, no one would even know they were there. “But it seemed like you were getting ahead of me already.” he broke their eye contact for the first time and shifted his gaze toward ong’s three constellation mole. “You looked beautiful tonight.” Now he was staring so deeply at Seongwu’s lips, cupping his jaws with his warm harm hands. Minhyun breathes deeply, and finally, he leans his forehead forward to his, his nose bridge touching his.
They stay stuck in that position for a few seconds. Frozen. And there. They memorize each other the way they were at the exact moment – no, they commit each other’s images to their memory. For the first time that night, Minhyun finally admits something to his self. Ong Seongwu, whom he has been living with for the past 3 years. He looked different that night, like it was the first time he saw his face. No. It was the first time he saw him on a different angle. On a different light. He was a different person that night.
Seongwu finally breaks the moment.
He moved a few steps back. “You surely are something, Mr. Hwang.” Still staring at Minhyun’s eyes. “I almost fell for that.” He smirks. But Minhyun stays quiet.
“This has been my best night.” Seongwu continues and finally goes back to his room.
But Minhyun just stayed motionless at that position. Heart struck. Wordless.
“Me too,” he says to himself.