Chapter Text
Theo loves writing, he does. He remember the first thing in wrote in the 5th grade when he was 10 years old. It started as simple poems before moving onto angstier poems and then lyrics. Eventually he found his way to fanfiction. He doesn’t often like to talk about those first few years of writing fanfiction. They weren’t exactly his best years. He barely knew how to write dialogue at all. It was horrible. But all that writing back then definitely helped him grow and learn. Even now, 12 years later, he’s still learning and growing. It’s something he never wants to stop doing. He doesn’t want to reach a point of stagnation where he’s just standing still. It’s better to always be trying new things and developing his craft.
Unfortunately people might not always appreciate his need to diverge. He tries to tell himself he’s writing for himself and none of that matters but he still can’t help but be glued to his screen always wondering if someone is going to read what he’s writing. Rare pairs are important and deserve love and appreciation too damn it.
Theo had been in a few fandoms before getting into Adolescent Lycans and had read plenty of fanfiction, especially Merthur fanfiction. They were in love and deserved better, okay? It wasn’t until he got into Adolescent Lycans and started shipping Stean that he really felt the need to start writing. At first he started out slow, just a fic every few months. Then something happened and he started writing almost every day and it became an addiction. Even then it wasn’t so bad. He only had one fic going at a time.
Then came Leddy. That had been an accident. For a while Theo hadn’t been interested in Leo at all and he couldn’t stand Teddy. Mostly because Stuart was one of his favorite characters and Theo could never forgive Teddy for all the shit he pulled. But then something happened. Teddy went away and then he came back and of course he had to have the redemption arcs of all redemption arcs. Which is Theo’s ultimate weakness. Never mind the fact that he had obvious chemistry with Leo.
Theo was surprised with how well his first Leddy fic went over. All of the comments are positive, and it’s more than he’s gotten on any fic he’s done in such a short amount of time. So he keeps writing. He notices that a lot of his readers from the first fic followed him over and continue to do so over the next few fics. At one point he starts a back and forth of yelling compliments with MrMischief. It’s fun and he finds himself looking forward to the lighthearted banter.
On his fifth fic in the fandom there’s one that gives him pause. It’s the longest comment he’s ever gotten on anything. Ever. It’s a comment from someone called Dunbear2001. They spend the whole comment gushing about what they like about the fic and Theo can’t help but smile while reading it. He always smiles when he reads comments but something about this one seems different. Then it just keeps happening.
The Leddy fandom is the first time he actively interacts with other writers. He finds he likes it. Which is why when he gets invited to join the Leddy discord he does so immediately. On there he finds a whole community of people that are there for the same reason he is, because they love the show and this ship. Some of his favorite fanfiction authors are on there and at first it’s a little daunting, but as he gets to know them he finds out how amazing they are and how easy it is to talk to them.
One of those people on the discord is Dunbear2001. When Theo first sees them on there his heart does a funny flip. Theo finds himself wanting to know more about this person. He just doesn’t want to look like a creep. So he sticks back. He keeps writing and talking to Dunbear and the others, including MrMischief who is also part of the discord.
He’s not the least bit embarrassed when he gets his best friend Parrish, who is also a fan of Leddy, to join the discord. It’s only for that reason and nothing to do with Dunbear. Not at all. Then something happens. Dunbear posts a link to their Tumblr. Theo immediately jumps at the opportunity to learn more about this mystery person who he’s been talking to these past few months.
Except the first thing he sees on Dunbear’s Tumblr is a recent picture of them. Theo’s eyes widen as he takes in the dirty blonde hair, the bright blue eyes, and happy smile on his face. Theo scrolls back up, now desperate to put a name to a face. There it is, sitting at the top of the page for all to see. Liam. His name is Liam.
Theo isn’t sure why it’s important. He just likes talking to Liam, that’s all. So of course he wants to know his name. Just like he wanted to know MrMischief’s name was Stiles and LycanDoWhateverIWant’s name is Derek and Freezerburn’s name is Isaac. It’s important to know who he’s talking to. That’s all it is. He doesn’t care what Parrish says. It’s nothing.
Theo admits that at some point he gets a little bit of a crush on Derek. It’s not his fault that the guy is ridiculously attractive. And smart. And one of the best writers in the fandom. And he has a way of keeping Theo on his toes. The same could be said about Stiles though. And Isaac. Why does this damn fandom have to have so many attractive and amazing people in it? It’s not fair.
What’s worse is that Derek and Stiles both live a town over from Theo. It would be all too easy to get in his truck and drive the 15 minutes to see them. That is, if they were actually interested in meeting him.
It’s not until Theo is sitting on the discord one Friday night, complaining about how he has nothing to do and considering just opening up a bottle of whiskey when it happens. He gets a message in his group chat with Stiles and Derek from Stiles telling him to just pack an overnight bag and come over. Theo is hesitant at first, but then he quickly agrees. It beats anything else he had planned.
Except then Theo gets to the house Stiles sent him the address to and is met with the sight of a very shirtless Derek opening the door. Theo’s eyes widen as he tries not to stare at Derek’s chest and makes himself look up at Derek’s face. Derek just shakes his head and tells him to come in.
Theo looks around as he follows Derek into the house, noting that they’re the only ones that seem to be there, “Where’s Stiles?”
“He’s going to be late. He had to help his Dad with something.” Derek tells him, falling back onto the couch with more grace than someone should be allowed to.
Theo nods and sits down next to Derek. At first it’s awkward, neither one knowing what to say. Then Theo remembers something he’d been meaning to talk to Derek about. He turns to him, feeling the same excitement he’d had before when he’d thought of it.
“So I had an idea,” Theo says.
“Of course you did,” Derek turns to him, his lips twitching up into an amused smile. “What is it?”
“Well I was sort of thinking about killing Harvey,” Theo says, slowly so he can gauge Derek’s reaction.
“Oh thank god,” Derek breathes. “So was I. I’m so tired of being told who I can and can’t kill.”
“Right?” Theo says, getting more animated as he talks. “It’s ridiculous! It’s our writing. We should be able to write what we want. And if that means killing Harvey, so be it.”
They both turn when there’s a groan from the entryway to see Stiles standing there. He rolls his eyes and he walks into the room, “I was hoping to walk in on you two making out. I should have known better. Of course you would spiral. This is not acceptable.”
“Why would we be making out?” Theo asks, trying not to show just how much he likes the idea.
“Because you’re both hot and clearly attracted to each other,” Stiles shrugs.
“He’s not wrong,” Derek says.
“No,” Theo says, eyes moving over to Derek to find him already watching him. “He’s definitely not wrong.”
“Jesus,” Stiles mutters. “I can literally feel the tension here. It’s stifling.”
“What about you?” Theo asks, chancing a glance his way.
“Oh I definitely wouldn’t mind joining in,” Stiles tells them, “but I’m going to need this,” he gestures between Theo and Derek, “resolved first.”
Theo looks back to see Derek’s face a lot closer than before. Theo takes a deep breath, trying not to squirm under Derek’s gaze. “This isn’t a joke, is it?”
“Of course it's not,” Derek tells him, letting his fingers trail lightly across Theo’s palm. “It’s also completely up to you. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
“It doesn’t?”
He feels relieved when Derek shakes his head. He likes Derek and Stiles but he’s not sure if he’s ready for anything serious. He has his eyes set elsewhere but right now that doesn’t seem possible. Distance is a bitch. But he knows he’s definitely interested in whatever this is. And it is an option.
“Okay,” Theo whispers, leaning in closer to Derek.
He can almost feel Derek’s answering smile against his lips, “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Theo says. “I’m interested in this if you are.”
Derek grins wider, hooking an arm around Theo’s waist and pulling him into his lap, “Oh I’m definitely interested.”
The first brush of lips is soft, just a gentle exploration. Almost like a hello. Then Theo shifts closer and moves his hands up to grip Derek’s hair. Derek groans, his mouth opening under his and Theo can’t resist slipping his tongue inside the warm cavern and exploring. It becomes more heated after that. All Theo can do is hold on.
Theo feels the couch dip next to him and breaks away. His eyes meet Stiles’ darker ones as Derek’s lips move down to his neck. Theo reaches out, his hand finding Stiles’ as he tries to pull him closer.
Stiles smirks but goes willingly, “Oh so you want some of this Stiles action too?”
“Yeah,” Theo says. He groans when Derek nuzzles into his neck, his beard scratching at the sensitive skin there. He has no doubt his skin is going to be red and raw, but he loves the thought of it.
One of his hands moves up to grab the back of Stiles’ neck while the other holds onto Derek’s shoulder. He’s pleased when Stiles leans in and kisses him. Stiles kisses him with a hunger and desperation that he’s not used to. That paired with the way Derek is still licking and sucking at his neck leaves him feeling dizzy.
Eventually they both pull back and Theo can only watch as their lips meet for a passionate kiss. Something tells Theo this isn’t the first time they’ve been together like this. They move so well together, as if their hands and mouths were always meant to be together.
Stiles’ eyes open and meet his and then he’s reaching out and pulling Theo towards him. Theo goes, letting Stiles direct his face towards his neck. The skin is soft under his lips and so pale. Theo has the urge to mark it. So he does, sucking and biting his way across the skin.
He glances over to see Derek doing the same thing to the other side. When their eyes meet Derek smiles, kissing his way across Stiles’ skin until his nose is brushing against Theo’s. All Theo has to do is tilt his head and then they’re kissing again. Derek kisses him slow and deep, drawing pleased sighs from Theo as Stiles’ hands card through his hair.
“We should go somewhere more comfortable,” Derek mumbles against his lips.
“We should,” Stiles agrees, sounding more than a little breathless.
Theo looks between the two, feeling his nerves skyrocket again. Derek must sense this because he squeezes his hand, giving him a soft smile. “Just to cuddle and make out. There’s more room on my bed. We’re never going to do anything you’re not interested in.”
“Yep because consent is important,” Stiles says.
Theo lets himself be led upstairs to Derek’s room where the three lay cuddled up together, Theo laying between the two, feeling safe and content. They watch movies and trade small kisses until it starts getting late. They get changed for bed and then find themselves back in Derek’s bed where they fall asleep wrapped around each other.
Theo wakes up with a jolt, his mind racing as yet another idea races through his head. He needs to write it down but when he tries to move both Stiles and Derek groan, wrapping their arms tighter around him.
“Go back to sleep,” Stiles mutters. “It’s too early.”
“But I had an idea,” Theo says, “and I need to write it down before I forget it.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Derek sighs, then he shifts a bit until Theo finds a notebook and a pen placed in his hands.
Theo quickly writes, trying to get the idea down but not wanting to spiral too much. It’s easier said than done. His mind is a mess and he knows when it wants something to happen there’s almost no stopping it.
“Please tell me you’re not writing the entire fic out,” Derek says.
“Of course not,” Theo says, continuing to write, “I just need to get all this down.”
“He’s totally writing the whole fic,” Stiles mutters. “Or at least most of it.”
“Like you guys have any room to talk,” Theo says, his hand stilling as his thoughts slow. “You’re both guilty of spiraling. Especially you Derek.”
“You both are the worst,” Stiles says. “I try to bring happiness into the world and you two just want to talk about angst and death.”
“You know last night was the first time we talked about death,” Theo tells him.
“And we all know it’s going to get worse from there,” Stiles says. “Just you wait.”
Theo tries to brush it off. This is just a one-time thing. So far it’s just an idea, nothing more.
When Theo gets home he starts working on yet another chapter of his fic. He’s pretty proud of it, he has to say. When he first started it he had no idea it would become anywhere near what it is now. It also deals with some issues that are pretty personal to him, which is probably why it’s so important to him. He has a story he needs to tell and this is his way of doing that. Though he does admit he can get a bit out of hand when it comes to writing. It’s a bit of an addiction.
He does not eat. He does not drink. He does not rest. All Theo does is type. The next word, the next sentence, the next paragraph, until it turns into the next update of his fanfiction. He knows he has readers. The hits count goes up, therefore there must be readers. But the readers do not leave kudos. The readers do not leave comments. Nobody acknowledges his work except for the slow but steady increase in hits. 'I'll show them,' he thinks as he types away furiously at his keyboard. His shoulders are hunched. His eyes are wide, manic. He makes a typo but does not fix it. He no longer cares. 'Nobody wants to comment on my fic? Let's see how they feel now that I've caught a case of The Murderz'
He knows by this point he’s probably lost it a little bit, and maybe Stiles had been right when he said it was only going to get worse. Not that he’ll tell him that. And yeah he might be a little bit spiteful as he’s writing this, but it’s deserving. At least that’s what he tells himself. And he has Derek there spiraling right along with him. It can’t be that bad if Derek supports it, right?
But then he posts the death fic. He sits there, waiting with bated breath to see if people will read it. He started with a smaller pairing, just wanting to test the waters. The first person to read it and comment on it is one of his old readers that he hasn’t heard from in a while. It’s a little surprising, to be honest. But he definitely appreciates it all the same.
He gets a comment from Stiles, calling him a horror and a homewrecker and he loses it. Stiles has made his feelings about Theo and Derek’s death spiraling abundantly clear and to have him comment like that makes his day a little bit.
Then he gets a comment from Liam. Theo wasn’t expecting it. He knows Liam can be picky about what he reads, so to have him read and comment on this particular fic sends a thrill through him. Especially as he reads over the words. He feels a little bad that he apparently made Liam cry and has to laugh when Liam once again calls him Satan, a nickname he’s given to Theo, Derek, and Isaac. Theo never realized how fitting it was until this particular fic and then all the death ideas that started filling his brain afterwards.
Later that night, he’s sitting in his bed, once again writing. He swears sometimes he doesn’t know how to stop. Every time he tries, he feels guilt over how much he has to write and finds himself going right back to one of his docs. As he’s sitting there, debating what to write he notices the little 1 pop up along with Liam’s picture on discord. He smiles and opens the message.
Dunbear2001: It’s late and you’re still online. What’s the deal?
MurderNugget: You know I can’t sleep.
Dunbear2001: You’re writing again aren’t you?
MurderNugget: …maybe.
Dunbear2001: Please tell me it’s not another death fic.
MurderNugget: I would but then I’d be a liar.
Dunbear2001: You really have a problem.
MurderNugget: I’m more than aware.
Dunbear2001: Then why don’t you stop? Write something fluffy and happy? Return to your old ways.
MurderNugget: I’m afraid my old ways are gone Liam.
Dunbear2001: I don’t believe that for a second. You just need someone to bring your fluff back.
MurderNugget: Are you volunteering?
There’s nothing for a few minutes. Theo stares at the screen, his heart pounding in his chest. Why would he even say something like that? Liam’s probably going to think he’s some sort of creep. He’s about to give up and close out of the browser and hide for the rest of the night when he sees Liam start typing. It’s a series of starts and stops before a message finally appears.
Dunbear2001: What does that even mean?
MurderNugget: I don’t know. It sounded good when I said it.
He adds the see no evil monkey emoji for good measure.
Dunbear2001: *eye roll emoji*
Dunbear2001: You’re ridiculous.
MurderNugget: Yet you talk to me anyway.
Dunbear2001: Maybe I just like ridiculous people.
Theo tries not to react to the words. The last thing he needs to do is freak out and say something stupid to Liam. Which is exactly what he does.
MurderNugget: I’d hope so. It’d be a pity if you didn’t like yourself.
Dunbear2001: You’re such an asshole.
Theo just smiles, his head falling back onto the pillow. He sighs when an arm wraps around his waist and a bearded cheek nuzzles into his neck.
“Talking to Liam?” Derek asks.
“Yeah,” Theo says.
“When are you just going to admit that you have feelings for him?” Derek asks. Theo tenses and Derek sighs. “Theo it’s okay. We agreed when we started this it wasn’t anything serious. And I’m not about to stop it if you don’t want to. But I need you to know that whenever you want to, whenever you’re ready to finally let go and accept you want to be with Liam, that it’s okay.”
“I know it is,” Theo tells him. “It’s just not that easy. Liam lives on the other side of the country.”
“I know,” Derek says. “And the long distance would suck. But don’t you think he’s worth it?”
“Of course he is,” Theo says, his voice firm. “But he might not even be interested. And even if he is there’s no way in knowing if he’d be okay with something long distance.”
“There is a way of knowing,” Derek tells him. “It’s called using your words.”
Theo groans, hiding his face in the arm Derek has under his head. “Words are hard.”
He can feel Derek’s smile against his throat, “Obviously. If they weren’t everyone would be experts at writing and speaking.”
“Fair enough,” Theo says. He turns in Derek’s arms until he’s facing him. “I know you’re right but I’m not ready yet.”
Derek nods and leans in, placing a soft kiss to his lips. “Whenever you are, you just have to tell us. We’ll understand.”
“Tell us what?” Stiles asks, walking into the room with a tray of drinks. “That he’s ready to pull his head out of his ass and admit that he’s in love with Liam?”
Theo makes an indignant squawk as he attempts to sit up in bed, “I’m not in love with him! We’ve only been talking a few months! And that’s not…”
Derek sighs and pulls him back down, “Relax. He was just messing with you.”
Stiles smirks and grabs one of the mugs, handing it to Theo, “Maybe a little bit. Now drink up buttercup, you don’t want you hot chocolate to get cold.”
Theo moves until he’s sitting up with his back against the pillows and takes a drink of the hot chocolate. He closes his eyes as the warm liquid fills his mouth. Stiles always makes the best hot chocolate.
He looks to his left to see Stiles on Derek’s other side, teasing Derek with a marshmallow before dropping it into his mouth. Theo smiles as he takes another sip of his drink. There has to be something more there, whether they’ve admitted it or not.
Theo curls into Derek’s side when Derek pulls him closer, sipping his drink as Stiles pulls up Star Wars. Eventually Stiles falls asleep watching the movie. Theo can hear his quiet snores. He looks over to see Derek carding a hand through his hair, a soft smile on his face.
“How long?” Theo asks.
Derek’s eyes snap in his direction. Theo watches as a storm of emotions cross his face before settling on resignation. “A few years.”
“Does he know?”
Derek shakes his head, “No. At least not that I know of.”
“Then why not tell him?” Theo asks. “I mean it’s obvious you love him. And he must feel the same way…”
“He doesn’t,” Derek says. “Sure, he’s fine with the physical stuff but I heard him saying before this even started that he doesn’t do relationships and that emotions are messy. If I told him it would just ruin things. I’d rather have him in my life like this then tell him and risk losing him.”
“Yeah,” Theo says, his eyes moving to where the movie is still playing. Thoughts of Liam flash through his mind. “I get that.”
“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Derek says.
Theo’s gaze moves back to Derek, “it doesn’t have to for you either.”
“Maybe not,” Derek says, “but for now I’m happy with what we have. It’s nice.”
Theo chuckles, “When did our lives become some sort of angsty pining fanfiction?”
Derek’s lips twitch up into a smile, “Who the hell knows.”
Theo’s eyes move down to Stiles, checking that he’s still asleep before he moves closer to Derek, making sure to keep his voice low, “Speaking of angsty fanfiction…”
“I love how you left out the pining,” Derek says.
Theo shrugs, “Well there will be pining, just for someone to not be dead.”
Theo can see Derek is fighting the urge to smile, one he quickly loses, “That’s… okay. You might as well just tell me.”
And Theo does. He talks quietly, telling Derek all about the latest fic he’s working on. At some point they slip out of bed and head into the living room where Theo grabs his laptop and pulls the fic up. Together they sit there, shoulder to shoulder as they work on their fics, occasionally talking and exchanging ideas, every now and then a few kisses.
Writing angst and death becomes an addiction. He has people telling him to stop but he can’t. He just keeps spiraling and dragging Derek along with him, all the while Isaac and Stiles are giving him eyes and letting him know their disapproval. Liam does too. But it feels different coming from him. Sometimes he’s sure it’s just him messing around. Theo isn’t sure if it would matter if it wasn’t. He’s far too gone done this path for it to matter. Long gone are the days where he only wrote fluffy one shots. He did his time with that. Now it’s time for something else. The readers are scarce anyway. He might as well write what he feels like. And if that’s death and misery, then so be it.