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Of course, the sky has to turn into a gloomy, dark one in contrast to the bright and cheery one earlier. Of course, the pitter patter of the rain has to begin right just as he starts leaving the building, drops of the incoming downpour hitting and leaving marks on the pavement. And of course, it has to be his unlucky day that he had no umbrella with him. There’s none of his blue compact umbrella or even the attention-grabbing multicolored one in the side pocket of his blue knapsack.
For Seokjin, someone who despises the rain a lot, nothing can get any worse than this: the rain starting slowly with a light drizzle, having no umbrella for him to use, and him having to run and seek shelter in one of the nearby sheds until the rain comes to a halt.
All he can do, as soon as he reaches the nearest waiting shed and the downpour starts, is sigh and grumble about the weather.
“Why is it even raining? What is this weather? It’s supposed to be summer!” he begins to complain to himself as soon as he realizes his misfortune. He isn’t wrong, though. It was in the middle of July, with him just taking a few advanced classes for the summer term. It was the season where everything is supposed to be bright, merry, and refreshing despite the scorching heat of the sun putting the temperatures at an all-time high. It’s better than having to witness dark, heavy clouds, inhale the petrichor wafting its way to one’s senses, and have drops of precipitation make everything drenched.
But obviously, Seokjin’s dramatic outcries and grievances are heard and paid attention to by no one. And to make things more miserable for him, a flash of lightning hits somewhere, followed by a loud clap of thunder as if to taunt his situation.
“Well, I guess,” he lets out a defeated sigh for the umpteenth time, “I am going to be stuck here for some time, then.”
He plugs in his earphones to his almost dying phone, trying to keep himself occupied with some of his playlists. He doesn’t even dare to remove it from airplane mode, knowing receiving reception will drain his remaining 10% faster, which will leave him with nothing to do until the rain stops.
He is leaning on one of the shed’s posts, no idea how much time has passed since he was stuck in his temporary refuge, eyes closed as he listens to the music when he hears it above the song that was playing. He cannot be mistaken. It’s a laugh of a man. A wonderful one at that. But how could one man even have fun in this gloomy state of the atmosphere?
He unplugs his earphones and turns to face the sound, but the man in question seemed to have gotten ahead of him.
Dressed in a white shirt that now clings to his body due to the wetness, and his purple hair drenched and dripping on his forehead is a man with donning a dimpled smile at him.
“Hi!” the stranger waves at him, the smile still not wavering off of his (pretty) face. “Are you okay?”
Seokjin feels a bit abashed and awkward, but he manages to croak out a reply. “Hey. Sort of yes, sort of no. I’m not soaked in the rain, so that’s a good thing. But I do not have an umbrella so I have no choice but to deal with this matter in this forlorn waiting shed until the rainfall stops.”
“The rain isn’t bad, though. Oh, and I’m Namjoon by the way,” the man introduces, his hands stretched out, waiting for his own to shake it.
“Seokjin,” he replies, shaking the hand. It’s cold, probably from being under the rain for quite some time, judging from the way his clothes are all dripping. “You know you can stay and share this shed with me. I don’t own it or whatever.”
It makes Namjoon laugh, which in turn has Seokjin’s heart doing somersaults and all the butterflies be released into his stomach and make him feel a tingly sensation. “Just like I said, the rain is not that bad.”
Seokjin looks past Namjoon, where the rain is still pouring in torrents. There still are occasional flashes of lightning, but the rumble of thunder that follows isn’t that loud and strong compared to a while ago. The surroundings have become darker due to the night quickly approaching.
“Ah, do you not like the rain, then?”
He gets his thoughts cut when Namjoon speaks again. “I mean…” he starts, the vowel being dragged until it fades into nothing as he scratches the back of his neck. He feels awful having to admit it to someone who seems to enjoy every drop of water falling from the clouds. “It just makes me feel, something. I really cannot find myself to place what exactly it is, but there’s something about rainy days. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I take no offense to it,” Namjoon reassures him as he moves to sit cross-legged on the sidewalk and face Seokjin. “We all have preferences.”
It makes Seokjin smile, the warm and tingly emotion creeping back in his insides. He’s pretty sure there’s a faint shade of pink making way to his cheeks now, but he’s also confident that the dim lights from the lamps on the street wouldn’t be enough for Namjoon to spot it.
Or not.
Because at that exact moment, the lamp installed in the shed gets turned on, to which he instinctively moves his hand to cover his face.
“You’re bad at hiding that blush, you know? Your ears are really red, too,” Namjoon chuckles as he points it out.
Of course, the ultimate betrayal has to be the uncontrollable reddening of his ears whenever he feels embarrassed. And, of course, Namjoon had to have sharp eyes and a keen sense of observation not notice it.
“Stop that,” Seokjin counters, voice muffled because of his hands. He really couldn’t handle any more teasing as it would only make his ears redder and further fuel his embarrassment.
Namjoon just responds with a laugh, which he slowly stops when he realizes it really does make Seokjin feel more flustered. “Alright, I’m going to stop. Stop covering your face. I am not going to laugh again, I promise.”
Seokjin follows, putting his shaky hands back to his lap, but he still does not look in the direction where Namjoon is. He really feels too bashful that an awkward silence starts to envelop them, only the sound of the rain hitting the roof and the pavement being heard.
“Why do you like the rain?” Seokjin asks softly, trying to ease the awkwardness in the small shed. “I mean, there must be something, right?”
“Can’t a person like something just because they do?” Namjoon answers with a question, which gets him a stuttered ‘oh’ from the other. “But to answer that, just like you, something about the rain makes me feel unexplainable stuff. Like, for everytime it rains, it makes me want to get myself on my feet and do something.”
“That’s nice, I guess,” Seokjin comments, moving so that he’s hugging his knees closer to his chest now.
They’re back into having the silence join them as soon as the whole conversation dies down that Seokjin decides to hum a melody he has in his head as he waits for the rain to die down. As if on cue, Namjoon starts humming the exact tune when he does, which surprises them both, but they laugh it off before Namjoon lets Seokjin continue while he looks up at the sky.
“I have to go when the rain ends,” Namjoon supplies.
“Same here, you know. I have to go get myself a cab before it pours again,” Seokjin affirms.
“Will I see you again soon?” Namjoon asks, “And will you give the rain a chance if we do?”
Seokjin only responds with a smile, which the other takes happily. It’s vague, he knows, but the concept of time is vague enough, too.
The rain starts to cease, the intensity going from torrential to moderate to mild to barely a drizzle. And when it finally comes to a stop, the two men set off on their own paths, on opposite directions.
The event finds itself a repeat a week and a half later. Except for this time, Seokjin was only meant to drop by the building quickly to submit a requirement that he really did not bother bringing much except his wallet, his phone, and the deliverable. So when he was set to walk to where he could easily catch a cheaper bus ride, he finds himself stuck under the same shed to seek refuge in when the rain suddenly fell.
He finds himself grumbling, an exasperated look on his face as he mutters profanities at his own luck. He was set on going for the more expensive option of getting himself an Uber when someone calls his name.
“Forgotten or purposely not brought?” Namjoon asks with a smile. He has a hand below his chin while his elbow is propped on one of the railings in the shed. He’s wearing the same thing from when Seokjin and he first met: white shirt, black jeans, grey sneakers. And just like that time, he’s already drenched when Seokjin sees him.
Seokjin sighs, shoulders getting a bit slumped as he sits down and leans his back against the metal post again. “More of the fact that I thought I’ll just spend less than 5 minutes to submit a requirement but I ended up spending half an hour because too many students were flocking around the faculty lounge and I couldn’t get in to insert that damn paper in my professor’s pigeonhole.”
“I don’t think that explains why we’re in the same situation from the first time we met,” Namjoon quirks, an eyebrow raised as he faces the other. He takes his place and sits on the pavement again, like that day.
“I didn’t bother bringing much. Just my wallet and phone and that thing I passed,” Seokjin explains flatly, “So, yeah, here I am.”
Namjoon just smiles as he looks at the other. “The rain’s lighter today, though. Probably wouldn’t even last long.”
Seokjin hums as a response, an unspoken ‘I hope so’ lingering through it. He knows it’s true. The rain is not falling in torrents, unlike the first time they met, just moderate. He does nothing but stare at the puddles that were starting to form on the street, the downcast sky being reflected on it. Soon, he starts watching Namjoon kick his feet playfully in one puddle that was near where he was, water rippling with every movement.
Silence fills them in. Similar to their previous meeting, it’s just the pitter-patter and the plip-plip-ploop of the rain that accompanies them.
It’s Namjoon who breaks the silence. “At this point, I wonder whether you don’t like having me here, you’re really just bad at starting a conversation, or watching me play in these puddles like a kid is really interesting that you’re choosing it and staying quiet while sitting prettily over there.”
Seokjin gets taken aback by Namjoon’s sudden question that he just has his mouth open for a whole minute before he manages to let out a stammered reply. “I just, well, don’t know what would be good to talk about.”
“Did you get home safe the day we first met?” Namjoon questions the other, this time he runs his hand on the puddle near him, larger ripples formed on the small body of water.
Seokjin smiles, thankful that the other knows how to really cover the awkwardness that had seeped along with the silence earlier, before taking time to reply to the other. “I did. Although it felt weird because I know the sun had just gone down when we parted ways, and the bus ride to the apartment my friends and I share just takes 45 minutes. The clock read quarter to 10 when I arrived, though.”
“That’s…weird.”
“Yeah, they were absolutely worried,” Seokjin affirms. “I showed them my dead phone, and both Hoseok and Yoongi soon shoved a portable battery charger in my way, telling me not to leave without it.”
Namjoon nods. “They sound like nice friends. They care about you a lot.”
“They sure are,” Seokjin beamed, the topic of his friends surely makes him feel light. “Even if they’re overbearing or overprotective at times, they are wonderful buddies. Do you want to talk about yours, Joon?”
Namjoon turns to Seokjin with an eyebrow raised. “Joon?”
Seokjin feels flustered again that all he immediately has his hands on his cheeks. “I thought it was cute to call you that. But if you don’t want it, yeah, well I can get back on calling you Namjoon,” he stammers, avoiding the other’s eyes by looking at his shoes.
“It’s fine. I like it, to be honest,” Namjoon admits, winking at Seokjin. It makes Seokjin groan and covers his flushed face with his hands completely. “And to answer your question about friends, I… I actually– I don’t think have friends anymore.”
Seokjin tilts his head as he looks at the other, urging him to continue through the curious and wondering look in his eyes.
“I ditched them, after some time. I never felt like I did belong to them. They’re always out at night, smoking, drinking, wreaking havoc in frat parties, stuff like that. That wasn’t me. I just left, not bothering on looking back. They never dared to contact me again, though. Probably never even bothered when I made a huge mistake that one night.”
Seokjin’s curiosity peaks up. “A mistake?”
“Yeah,” Namjoon hums, “I regret that dearly. If I could turn back time, I would really have done the most logical thing. But it’s done, and all I can do now is set things straight.”
“Aren’t you being too cryptic?”
Namjoon just chuckles softly. “It’s not the right time, Seokjin.”
“Even if I say you can consider me as a friend now?” Seokjin offers.
Namjoon shakes his head, laughing louder this time. “But hey, since you’re a friend now, this is a chance I would take, but join me?” Namjoon tries for the first time, his hand extended towards Seokjin, inviting him to join him in the pouring rain.
Politely, Seokjin declines him though. “You know how I feel about the rain. Maybe it’ll change, but not exactly right now, Joon.”
Namjoon smiles, “Touché. But it’s fine. I’ll just keep on trying everytime we see each other then.”
Seokjin returns the smile. And silently, for the first time, the silence that follows is not awkward. Rather, it becomes comforting, like a mug of a hot drink on a cold day. The both of them just revel in each other’s presence, until the rain stops, until they both part ways with an uncertainty of meeting again.
For some reason, he trusts Namjoon, even with just two times of meeting each other, and their preferences and opinion on the rain differing greatly. He trusts him, and he already has his heart warming up to the other easily.
The meetings, however, happen more regularly. The almost weekly bases of meet-ups quickly manage to turn into a daily one. Namjoon teases Seokjin about doing it on purpose now and Seokjin doesn’t even bother to deny the accusations.
The atmosphere of every meeting starts changing, too. From a usually awkward interaction where it’s just Namjoon who does the whole moving forward thing, it soon blooms into a more casual and comfortable one. They talk about the most random of things, like what Seokjin has done the whole day, what are their majors, just everything under the sun that they could talk about. Seokjin soon has himself warming and opening up various topics to talk about, too.
Still, there are times when the both of them just sing songs they both love. Sometimes it's just them humming tunes they remember. Some other moments, they put Seokjin’s playlists on speaker and have the sound of the rain accompany whatever song blares.
Every meeting is undeniably similar to the other ones, with Namjoon always trying his luck in asking Seokjin to join him in the rain. Seokjin always declines, but with every meeting that had passed, he starts to move away from the post he usually has his back lean on to being so near Namjoon.
But that one certain meeting was what Namjoon will always consider exceptional. It was the end of Seokjin’s summer term and he was about to go on a week break before coming back for the registration period for the regular semester.
“I want to try,” Seokjin starts softly, his knees hugged close to his chest while he picks on his shoes. It makes Namjoon stop the tune he was humming.
“Hmm?” he hums in confusion, tone obviously asking a clarification from the other on what he meant with his statement.
“Rain. Maybe it’s time I let go, I guess,” Seokjin explains while pointing at the lonely street. It was raining, like their other meetings. It was not too heavy and not too light. It was something the both of them consider as a calming and soothing type of rain: nothing too disturbing and nothing too bland.
Seokjin’s explanation has Namjoon whip his head in his direction so fast. “You’re serious, right? I don’t even have to ask you to join me, right?” Namjoon clarifies as he pushes himself to stand up.
Seokjin just laughs, nodding. He can see how giddy and happy Namjoon is with the whole thing that he takes no hesitation in taking the hand Namjoon offers for him to take. Namjoon hands are cold. He thinks it’s from the being under the rain and they’re tightly holding his that he decides to shrug it off.
One, two, three drops. Three drops and counting. He feels every drop of rain on his skin and only after a while, Seokjin slowly opens his eyes as more drops of rain soon soak him up. He looks up at the downcast sky, dark clouds covering the vast and spacious sky.
“How does it feel?” Namjoon asks him, still not letting go of his hand, as if when he does Seokjin would run back to the shed. He intertwines their fingers together and locks them together, not wanting the other to go anywhere at that moment.
Seokjin looks at him with the fondest expression on his face. “Warm? It’s weird, it’s rain, so it has to be cold or cool, but the first thing I have in mind is warm. Like there’s something really warm and lovely about the rain that I sort of understand why you like getting drenched in it.”
Namjoon laughs. Namjoon laughs because Seokjin is really out here, getting himself drenched with him, and they are holding hands in that lonely street. He laughs because Seokjin is really with him under the pouring rain, in his wet and now dark grey shirt.
And he laughs that same laugh Seokjin heard from him during the first time they met that Seokjin was not able to help it but move closer to him and kiss his nose.
“H-hey,” Namjoon says, bashful and blushing when he realizes what Seokjin has done. By reflex he pulls his hand away, immediately putting one on his nape, just like when he does when he’s shy.
Seokjin feels equally flustered at himself as well. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it I guess. But you were cute and I liked your laugh so much, I’m sorry.”
Namjoon stammers as he reaches for Seokjin’s hand again. “You don’t have to. I–, well, I actually liked it. I was just, you know, surprised. I was caught off-guard.”
Seokjin hides his face in his hands again, this time, not out of embarrassment, but because, like the first time, the butterflies are all fluttery and warm in his insides.
“Do it again,” Namjoon asks, gently pulling Seokjin closer.
And Seokjin does not deny him and kisses him on his nose again, in the rain. Right when Seokjin was about to move away, Namjoon pulls him close again to kiss him. This time, it’s on his lips.
“I’m actually curious on where you go when the rain stops and we both head our own ways,” Seokjin opens up as he stretches his arm to feel the rain. He just came from enrolling in his classes for the next semester and prayed for rain to come.
“You shouldn’t know,” Namjoon replies laughingly. “But no, in all seriousness, don’t follow me when I leave.”
“That does not help on making me less curious, though,” Seokjin admits, a pout set on his face. “In fact, it makes me– oh my god, Namjoon!”
Namjoon just laughs, holding the other’s head close to his chest as they both get drenched under the rain after he pulled the other to him. “You talk too much. Let’s just hold each other close. I like this.”
“Shut up, you absolute dweeb,” Seokjin retorts as he slaps the other’s chest. It did not carry any harm in any way, but Namjoon still moves back, moves his hand to his chest, faking an injury. Seokjin moves away from him, not even helping him, which makes Namjoon look at him in a very unreadable expression. What follows isn’t anything he expects, as Namjoon suddenly runs towards him, giving him no time to run away, so the other’s arms are soon wrapped around his waist before he’s turned around and given a kiss on his lips.
“Sorry. No, scratch that. I’m not even sorry for doing that,” Namjoon says fondly as he smiles at the other who’s booping his nose.
Seokjin just shrugs. “Wouldn’t even complain if I get random kisses,” he says with a smug grin on his lips. “Not even if they’re from cold lips like yours. But with all honesty, can we stop meeting in the rain? I actually worry you getting sick because every time we meet, it’s raining and you’re drenched as fuck.”
Namjoon was about to say something in reply but he notices the rain starting to cease, the moderate rainfall quickly falling into a drizzle. It makes him let go of Seokjin, who has this confused look on his face.
“Are you leaving again? Namjoon, what really is the deal with the rain? You always leave when it’s about to stop as if you’re scared of something happening if you do n’t get away before the last drop falls,” Seokjin voices out his worry, but this time it’s laced with frustration. He just wants an explanation. He just needs an answer, because at that moment, he just has too many questions flooding his mind.
“Seokjin…” Namjoon starts, but Seokjin is quick to cut him off.
“Is a simple answer that hard to give?”
Namjoon has a pained and pleading expression painted on his facial feature as he looks up. But the skies seem not to heed any of his silent prayers as the drizzle slowly starts to fade away.
“I’m sorry.”
Those were the last words Seokjin hears before Namjoon heads to the path he usually takes. But Seokjin has enough of Namjoon always has to leave; of them just meeting when it rains. He wants to hold Namjoon’s hand when the sun shines or the storms rage or when the wind blows. He wants to be held close to Namjoon when the thunders roar too loud, or when the lights turn off when the lightning hits an electric post. He wants those. He wants to do those with Namjoon, so he does what Namjoon always told him not to do: follow him.
And maybe, Seokjin regrets it. When he wakes up and survives everything, he would probably regret it. Because the last thing he remembers is Namjoon quickly turning around when he realizes he followed him, but as quick that happens, a car passes by that road that is barely taken. With the slippery road brought about by the rain, all Seokjin remembers is Namjoon screaming “Seokjin, no!” along with the screeching of the tires.
He doesn’t know how many times he has rolled over the pavement. Everything is blurry and there’s a pounding pain on his head, his breathing growing harder every minute that passes by. He hears Namjoon’s whispers on him holding on, on him holding it out for him. The pain he feels is too much that he starts not knowing what’s real and what isn’t. But right before his eyelids give out on him, and the world turns black, the last vision he sees was Namjoon crying.
Opening his eyes again was tedious, trying to move was a more difficult one, he realizes. As soon as he gets his eyes to open, he quickly shuts them with how bright everything is.
“Hoseok, turn the light dimmer,” he hears Yoongi whisper scream at one of their other friends. Hoseok. Yoongi. Wait.
“W-what?” he manages to croak out in a hoarse voice. Everything is confusing that he wants to ask a lot of things. How did Hoseok and Yoongi know? Why are they here? What is going on?
“Let me get the doctor real quick,” Yoongi tells him.
He just hums, the confusion still strong. Everything does not add up. Namjoon was the last person he was with, so where is he?
When the medical professionals go in, they check a lot of his vitals first. He quietly goes through them, nothing much being asked except if anything aches at a certain part. He wasn’t feeling any pain, at all, which was weird.
“Where’s Joon?” he asks, the question directed at two of his friends while the doctors and the nurses were having a discussion on the side.
Yoongi and Hoseok only look at each other, their eyebrows scrunched. ‘Who’s Joon?”
“He was the last guy I was with,” he explains, stuttering a bit.
“What was the last thing you remember?” the doctor approaches him again.
Seokjin retells them everything, about how he was about to follow Namjoon but a car hit him while he was crossing. He doesn’t miss out the part that Namjoon was the last person he saw and heard before he most likely had lost consciousness.
“Is that really what you remember?” Yoongi asks him.
Seokjin nods, completely confused as to why everyone else in the room is looking at him indifferently.
“Seokjin, if I ask you about the images you have last seen before the car had hit you, will it be similar to any of these?” Hoseok questions him as he hands his phone. There’s an article open on a news site. He scrolls through the series of photos there.
“They…are,” he admits, voice lowering into a whisper as he observes each photo as if every detail of the accident vividly playing in his mind.
“Check the date of that article,” a doctor suggests.
He follows, and it leaves his mouth agape in shock. He isn’t even focused on the month and date. He’s staring in shock at the year. 2015. A whole three years ago. This article was dated three years back but the images are so similar to what he remembers.
The other doctor explains everything, which leaves Seokjin more confused. “You weren’t hit, Seokjin. You were crossing the street, a car almost does hit you. But it doesn’t happen. The driver brought you here, shaking uncontrollably, sobbing that we had to sedate you for you to calm down.”
“But… wha- what happened? I remember it clearly.”
“You’ve suffered from memory loss from this accident. You’re thinking it was an accident recently, but it seems like something triggered you that day for you to remember almost everything vividly,” says the other doctor.
Seokjin is just staring at them in shock, as if not believing a word they have been telling him. Then, a voice at the back of his head tells him to read the article. And what he reads completely makes him break down.
Teen driver found dead in drunk driving crash (dated: August 24, 2015)
A teenager was found dead after crashing a car in the university compounds of KNU last August 22, Saturday.
Local university police said, they would have charged the 19-year-old, whose record was found to be Kim Namjoon, vehicular manslaughter with gross negligence while intoxicated and two counts of DUI causing great bodily injury after hitting one pedestrian.
Kim was found dead inside his upturned car, while the pedestrian was said to be in critical condition.
He scrolls past the rest of the article, trying to find if there was an update on the man Namjoon had hit. He browses through old comments until he sees someone link one.
It wasn’t technically an update, just the same story, except it bears more details on the victim. And what he sees makes tears uncontrollably fall from his eyes.
The family of the victim, who was named Kim Seokjin, also a KNU student, confirms that he is out of critical condition.
He pushes away the phone, not even bothering to continue reading the whole article anymore. He can’t take it. Everything was vivid because everything turned out to be a memory resurfacing.
And to add to that: Namjoon. He can’t believe it. He now understands. He now understands why he has always felt something with the rain. He now understands why Namjoon only shows up when it rains and he has to leave when it ends – because he was never alive, to begin with. He co-existed with the rain, trying to correct the mistake he once admitted to doing: the damage he has caused on Seokjin.
His cries become louder, becoming wails of despair when he realizes that the last thing he remembers Namjoon telling him, back before he lost it all suddenly made sense.
“I’m sorry. I fucked it up, again. I only wanted to set things right for you. I’m sorry. I love you, Seokjin. I really do, but…I guess it’s really just until here for the both of us. Please hold on, for me.”