Work Text:
“Hey, I got your message...the one about the Manchester flat? I hadn’t ever really thought about it, but...it’s fine with me that you think we should sell. You’re right that we never use it anymore. I’m not going to lie, though. I love that flat. She treated us well, didn’t she? I guess with the house and flat both in London, and then home, we probably don’t need to keep it, just for the sake of keeping it. It’ll always be ours, though, yeah? I mean, it’s always been our place and I hope whoever lives there after us feels the kind of love we fell into there. Anyway, don’t mean to get sappy about it.
I get that you don’t have much time to come clean out what little remains there. No worries at all, my love. I’ll take care of it. I’ll just pack it all up and have it sent to London. We’ll deal with it all there later, when we both have time to do it together. It’ll just be easier for us. Well, maybe easier for you. But you know I’m happy to do it. Maybe I’ll call my sister to come help and make a proper day out of it.
I’m sorry I missed your call, by the way. It’s been...busy here. I’m excited for you to hear the new stuff. Not to sound conceited, but I think it’s pretty great. The writing and recording has been kind of a frenzy. I wish I had a better word than exciting, but that’s what this whole process has been.
Speaking of excited, I’m excited to just hear your voice in real-time again, too. I’m...can I just say I miss you? Is that allowed? I know we said we said there’s no point in saying it because we can’t change the time apart. But I just really fucking miss you. Aside from being at the studio, everything has just been so dull without you. Even our house seems darker without your laughter to brighten it up. I hate that we...it just feels like it’s been too long. I feel my skin in a constant state of goose pimples, just waiting for your touch again. I don’t know why I just turned into Jane Austen there, but it’s true. My skin misses your skin and I’m either weak enough or strong enough to say it. Either way...
I need you to come back to me. I need to find a way to get to you. I’m losing sleep on a nightly basis. I wake up in fits when I reach over to touch you and you’re not there and I can never get back to sleep after that. I don’t even know where days start and end anymore. I keep staring at the calendar thinking more days have passed than what have. I know we said this was just a month. But it’s two weeks too long. I’m in agony. Okay, maybe I’m just being dramatic. I know. But I just don’t think we thought this through very well. It’s like...it used to be easier to be separated for awhile. But all these years later and it’s like I don’t know how to keep going after we say goodbye. Now, when I say goodbye to you, it’s like I can’t breathe until we get to say hello again. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath and I just want to exhale.
Oh before I forget, since it’s Niall’s birthday in a week, I sent him a care package from both us. I guess I should have checked with you before you I did, but it was my insomnia and poor impulse control. Even if you did send him something, I suppose it’s only fair since there are two of us and one of him, and you know he goes all out.
Anyway, I guess that’s it. I’m sorry for the rambling nature of this message. Not just length but also the scattered content. I guess that’s just how it is for me right now. Thoughts bounce around like ping pong balls and I am not the one holding the paddle.
Let’s... let’s not do this again for this long. Like ever. I know it’s impossible to promise that. But we need to find a way. Can’t have skin missing skin again, now can we?
So. Yeah. Sorry. Back to the point. I’ll head to Manchester this weekend and get a start on the boxes. I hope to get them all packed up so they’ll be waiting for you when you get home. Can’t wait until then.
Miss you lots, love you more.
Always.”