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Ned was pessimistic about love. You couldn't blame him. After all, out of all of the countless crushes he's had on guys in his school throughout the years not even one has liked him back. There was Adrien, Stephen, Marcus, that one kid in history who he couldn't remember the name of and even Flash, of all people. (That one quickly went away after Flash had found out and began bullying him). But he hadn't crushed on them as hard as he crushed on Peter. Not even close. So when he discovered that he had fallen in love with his best friend the same day that he had found out that he was Spider-Man, he wanted to leave the face of the earth and vanish forever. He felt like it wasn't fair- he had just gotten over another crush a couple of weeks ago (and God knows how hard that was). He could do nothing except fight back and conceal his feelings whenever he was with Peter. And that's exactly what he did. He suppressed them deep down, whenever they were laying down in Peter's bed together watching movies, only centimetres apart from touching legs, whenever Peter would change in and out of his Spider-Man suit wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and even whenever Peter would gush about the girls in school who he thought were cute. Ned felt like he was doomed. What did he do for the universe to treat him this way? To keep making him fall in love with people who would never return the same feelings for him? To make him fall in love with someone who would never see him more than a best friend?
He glances at Peter across the school cafeteria, admiring his face and noticing his hazel eyes and ruffled brown hair, his beautiful innocent smile filling every corner of his face. He gets an anxious feeling in his stomach as he remembers that the only reason he's smiling like that is because he's talking to his crush, Liz Allan.
He'd never find a chubby guy like me attractive, especially when he's a 10/10 and has got other options like Liz fucking Allan, the prettiest girl in the entire county - he thinks to himself for the 29th time that day as he looks down, still not letting Peter out of his sight entirely and eats the rest of his lunch, mashed potato with beef. He's waaay out of my league.
He struggles to cut the leathery, hard beef in half as Peter and Liz laugh together from the corner of his eyes. He thinks to himself about how he only ever sees Peter that happy whenever he's with her and it becomes more difficult for him to fight and ignore that horrible feeling inside.
"What's wrong with you this time?" MJ asks in a monotone and annoyed voice, sounding like she doesn't want him to answer.
"Nothing, I- I just feel sick, this beef has to be at least a week old" he lies and fakes a gagging sound, MJ seeing right through it.
"Bullshit. Spill the tea" she says as she smirks, taking a bite from her apple before setting it down on the table along with the book she was reading.
"You're annoying. You know that, right?" He laughs at her.
"Yep" she replies pridefully with a cheeky grin. "So... are you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to make you?" She asks.
"Look, I'm fine, really. Don't worry-"
"Oh believe me, I'm not worried I just want some gossip" she ensures him, cutting him off with exaggerated hand gestures.
This time he could see through her lies as he could identify that caring look in her face, as much as she tried to hide it. They had been friends for a year now since she moved to Midtown High and he had gotten to understand her way more.
"Aww you care for me, you're so sweet. I'm actually so touched" he teases and her entire face immediately goes red.
"Fuck no, you know what forget it" she snaps back and picks her book back up.
Ned laughs but immediately halts when he sees that Peter is coming over to the table with Liz right behind him.
"Shit act normal" he whisper-shouts to MJ. She replies with a look of annoyance and an eye roll, until suddenly a light fills her eyes.
"Waiiiiit, is this what you've been worried about" she whispers back to him as she starts to piece everything together.
"Hey guys" Peter exclaims while grabbing Ned's shoulder in the process. He gets butterflies in his stomach as Peter holds on a second too long.
"So... Liz has invited us to go to her party this Saturday, 5pm. You up for it?" He asks. "And don't worry, I asked Liz if she couldn't invite Flash since we all wanted to have a good time and she was more than happy not to. Turns out she also doesn't like him" he smiles, looking over at Ned. God you're so fucking beautiful - Ned thinks to himself as Peter keeps his eyes on him, waiting for an answer.
"Does anyone really?" Liz adds in and they all laugh together, apart from MJ who has a blank face as she does 99.9% of the time.
Ned finally speaks after the laughter stops. "Yeah MJ and I are definitely going."
She gives him a look and is about to speak before he interrupts her, not giving her a chance to protest. "5pm, right?"
"Mhmm" Liz confirms. Again, Peter is looking at her, this time at her lips and Ned can't help but feel relieved when Liz and Peter finally leave.
"Talk later, okay?" Peter yells out as he looks back to Ned, adding in a wink.
"Talk later!" Ned replies, smiling. Apparently he was smiling too much as MJ noticed.
"You know, I was about to kick you in the balls for saying that I was going without my consent but I feel bad for you. You're in love with him aren't you" she says with a half pitiful, half mischievous grin.
"Wait, wha-" Ned blurts out before MJ orders him to save it.
"The crush you have on your best friend is so obvious" she explains, "even more obvious than his crush on you. You're both idiots" She stands up and walks away leaving Ned alone with his beef.
He looks at her as she walks away as her words ring over and over again in his head. HIS crush on ME? He thinks to himself. She's obviously joking. He's totally in love with Liz, right?- He asks, not knowing exactly who the question was directed to. Deep down, he has a glimmer of hope that Peter liked him back too, but he knows the truth.
Ned feels guilty. He knows that he should be happy and supportive for Peter with his new crush. It's what a best friend should do anyway. But he's physically unable to get rid of that horrible feeling of jealousy whenever he saw Peter gaze in awe of Liz. How he gazes into her eyes like she was the centre of his universe, the way he'd always wanted Peter to look at him. He lets out a sigh and throws his half eaten lunch in the bin as the bell rings for class.
~~
It's Saturday morning. Peter wakes up and he instantly remembers about the party today at Liz's at 5. He groans and wipes the drool from the side of his cheek and comes out of his room, with Ned and Aunt May talking in the sitting room much to his surprise. They look over at him as he enters.
"Well look who finally woke up. I offered to wake you up but Ned insisted on letting you get your beauty sleep" Aunt May sarcastically announces.
"Hey" Ned waves.
"Hey, what are you doing here so early? We don't have to be there till 5." Peter returns.
"Dude, it's nearly four and you did say we should watch Rogue One before we leave right?" Ned asks, confused.
Shit- Peter didn't realise that he had slept for 11 hours. It's what usually happens whenever he comes home from patrolling and scanning the city in the early hours of the morning. "Already? I thought it was at least 8am. Wanna just get ready now and get to Liz's early? Sorry, I woke up late, we'll watch Rogue One together another time, oka-"
"Dude it's fine, relax" Ned cuts in with a laugh. "Don't worry about it. Get ready I'll wait here" He adds on with a smile on his face and looks back to May as they continue their conversation.
Peter walks back into his room while thinking about how he lucky he is to have a best friend like Ned. He seriously doesn't know what he would do without him, what a dull life that would be. He takes a quick shower and puts on a random sweater from his closet and pairs it with some slim fit jeans. Finally, he walks out of his room.
"Ready?" He asks Ned.
"Ready."
They walk to Liz's house together. Ned is eagerly talking about how enthusiastic he is for the day ahead and he's so busy talking that he doesn't notice Peter staring at him admirably, not listening to what he's even saying. Peter thinks about how cute is when he's excited about something and there was something about it that made Peter want to protect him at all costs. It made him feel something in his stomach at times but he never really thought about why. He stares in reverently at Ned's dark brown eyes that light up whenever he talks passionately about something. Cute, Peter thinks to himself.
"What?" Ned asks, looking over at him in confusion.
Shit, did I say that out loud? He panics.
"Uh, I said I agree" he replies quickly. God I hope that works.
"You weren't even listening to me, were you?" Ned asks and Peter goes red.
"What? No I was. You were saying how... excited... you... were, right?" he manages to say.
"Yeah you definitely weren't listening" Ned says, nudging Peter's arm playfully. The both of them let out a laugh.
Damn, he's probably thinking about Liz again right now- Ned assumes.
They finally get to the house and Liz welcomes them with open arms.
"You guys are early! But not as early as MJ!" Liz screams out while giggling, a little too loud.
Is she really drunk? Already?
"The two lovebirds are finally here" MJ screams from the kitchen. She's laying on the floor with a bottle of vodka in her hand.
"Yeah, you're both definitely drunk" Ned laughs, both shocked and amused.
"Yeah no shit" Peter and MJ manage to miraculously say together at the same time.
Peter loved MJ a lot more when she was intoxicated. She was funnier, more outgoing and nicer even, which kind of scared both him and Ned. One time she even cried while expressing how much she appreciated and loved them - a scene the both of them would never live down. They made sure that she would never, ever forget about it.
A couple of hours later, and more people arrive. The house is louder and Ned has to shout for Liz's cousin, Wally to hear him.
"So then Flash was all like, WHEN I SAY PENIS YOU SAY PARKER, PENIS And before everyone else could reply Peter punched him in the face. He's been too scared to look at him since then. It was so hilarious, right Peter?" Ned looks over at him for confirmation as Wally laughs at Ned's story.
"Dude no way, that's awesome. He totally got what he deserved." Wally says out loud.
"Yeah I did that" Peter admits proudly. He never really fought back when Flash was bullying him. But that day, he had had enough. He was done with the teasing and the snide remarks about his best friend's weight and he just snapped. He didn't think of what he was doing until after it all happened. He definitely felt guilty at first but he also felt proud when Ned hyped him up for the entire week after. Peter looks around to find Liz and walks over to her across the room when he finds her, leaving Ned behind. He's proud of him that he's making more friends. Ned moved out of his shell a year ago and he's been more outgoing ever since. I guess he doesn't need me- he thinks, smiling.
MJ laughs as she recalls the moment but her smile disappears suddenly when she looks towards the front door. "Speaking of the devil" she says discreetly and the three of them turn their heads to where she was looking.
Flash is standing there. He had arrived uninvited.
Ned doesn't really pay attention to him and instead finds himself staring back at Peter every few seconds who's talking to Liz. Unbeknownst to him, Flash sees this and takes advantage of the moment.
"Sorry Ned, I know it hurts but Peter's taken. He's not into that gay shit" Flash says giggling.
Ned quickly panics and wonders whether Flash knows about his crush on Peter or if he's just teasing him as usual.
"Shut the fuck up Flash" MJ retaliates to defend her friend.
"Oh come on, you even said it yourself MJ, that the crush he has on his best friend is so obvious, right?" He cuts back, laughing. "I was eavesdropping on your conversation in the cafeteria a few days ago. That's how I found out that there was gonna be a party today. But anyway, I wonder what Peter will think when he finds out that you like him. His face is gonna be priceless, like yours is right now" Flash laughs. "But he's probably gonna puke. I mean who wouldn't freak out if a 200 pound beast had a crush on them? I did. Remember 8th Grade?"
Ned doesn't pay attention to what he's saying. All he knows is that Flash knows about his secret. He knows. Fuck. Ned feels dizzy and he feels like vomiting. What if Flash tells the whole school? What would Peter think?
MJ walks up to Flash. Her tone is a lot quieter and deadlier this time. It definitely isn't one Flash has ever heard before. She grabs him by the collar of his shirt. "Why the fuck are you even here? You weren't invited dipshit. I suggest you leave, before I shove this bottle of vodka so far up your ass that you won't ever be able to get rid of the smell of alcohol in your breath"
Flash looks like he's about to say another one of his signature snide remarks, but decides to hold it in and walks out with an embarrassed face.
"Dickhead" MJ says and turns to look at Ned. But the boy isn't there anymore. She shrugs and decides to give him space, taking another sip from her drink.
Ned walks upstairs and out into the large balcony by the master bedroom. He needs some air. He's struggling to think. Fuck, he feels so many emotions there and then. He's angry, at the world, who clearly hates him so much and wants him to suffer and at Flash, who, knowing him would have no hesitation in sharing his secret. He would undoubtedly out him and reveal his crush on Peter to the world. But what he was feeling most was fear, fear that that his parents would kick him out of the house when they'd find out he was gay, it was inevitable by how quickly word gets around, fear that the bullying was going to get even worse than it already was at school. But he could handle these things. He could move schools, hell he could even find a shelter to sleep in if his parents do decide to kick him out into the streets. There was one thing however that he wouldn't be able to handle, that Peter would be uncomfortable and would stop being his friend. That he would leave him, alone, all by himself. He doesn't know what life would be like without his best friend. All he's ever known is Peter. The thought of Peter leaving him shatters his soul and breaks his heart. He's panicking and struggling to breathe, face hot from the tears running down his cheeks.
He holds on tighter to his jacket and takes a seat on the bench as his breaths hang like vapour in the chilly air. He tells himself to breath normally, the same way he had encouraged Peter to inhale and exhale when he was hysterical the night that his uncle died. In, and out. In, and out.
He looks at the city below and gazes in awe of the skyline in the distance. He can't help but notice how peaceful and insignificant everything seems from afar, how small his problems seem compared to the skyscrapers that rip through the clouds. He recognises the song playing on the speakers and hums along to it.
I found myself dreaming, in silver and gold
He sighs and looks up to the moon, thinking that perhaps he was over exaggerating. Maybe Peter wouldn't mind him being gay. Maybe he'd be supportive even. Maybe his parents would accept him and that Flash wouldn't tell the school his secret.
Like a scene from a movie that every broken heart knows
He's now tapping his feet to the rhythm of the song and takes another sip of his drink, still ice cold thanks to the chilly autumn weather.
We were walking on moonlight, when you pulled me close
He's deep in thought, so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't notice Peter walk out into the balcony behind him.
Split second and you disappeared and then I was so alone
"How did I know I'd find you here" Peter says and lets out a light chuckle. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah... just thinking" Ned replies, face still pointed towards the moon.
Peter walks up beside him and Ned puts on a small smile. He observes Peter's brown eyes and his brown hair, shining as the moonlight hits off against them. He looks so tiny and innocent under the moon, like he's just another regular teenage boy. He could almost forget that he fights off criminals and aliens from time to time. They say nothing. Silence. The only sounds are the leaves swaying in the wind on the tree on the road below, and the song blasting from the speakers, muffled in the distance.
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
"You're a terrible liar" He takes a seat beside Ned. "Hey, I know when something's up with you. Talk to me" Peter pleads.
"Flash... is all Ned manages. His heart begins to pump faster. "It's nothing. Seriously" His voice slightly cracks at the last word and he can feel more tears in his eyes. But he holds them in. He has to.
"Flash? He's here? What did he do? The little shit, I'll hurt him" Peter yells.
"No, Peter. It's just, Flash threatened to out me to the school. He threatened to tell everyone that I'm gay and that I like you" Ned says so quietly that Peter has to lean in closer. Ned is fidgeting his hands, something he does whenever he's worried.
Peter clenches his fists. Ned doesn't deserve any of this. He was the smartest, kindest person he knew. "Why the hell would he do that? Man I'm gonna punch him so hard that-"
"No, Peter it's fine. Don't punch him. And he wasn't even lying Peter... I.... I do like you" Ned gulps. He doesn't have the courage to look Peter in the eyes so he looks back towards the buzzing city below, arms rested against the railings. He focuses on the glowing lights. At the blaring engines of the motorcycles below on the streets and the cars trying to reach their destination. He focuses on the highway that disappears into the distance. "And not just 'like' you as a friend. I'm in love with you and I've been feeling this way since the day we first met. And I know that you'll never see me more than a friend, and that you like Liz, and she likes you back, and that's fine. I can live with that. I can. Flash was right. No one would fall in love with a 200 pound beast anyway." He laughs. "But please, just... just don't freak out and stop being my friend. I don't ever want this to change our relationship, and I, I don't know what I'd do without you and I'm not gonna act weird I swear, and I was panicking cause I know my parents will eventually find out from other people and they're not the most gay-friendly people out there and fuck you're probably freaking out right now, and... shit I'm so stupid, jesus christ... fuck-"
Peter grabs Ned's hand into his own to shut him up, his other, finding a spot on Ned's cheek. "Hey, it's okay Ned, it's okay. Hey, breathe for me okay?"
Peter has that concerned look in his eyes, similar to the look that Aunt May always had when he came home with bruises and cuts after a long day of patrolling. But this look was different. Ned can't quite figure out how exactly, but Peter's looking at him in a way that has only ever been reserved for Liz. That gaze. That look he'd give her whenever she told him a joke and he'd look into her eyes with admiration. That same look he had when she accepted his offer to homecoming and he couldn't believe that she had actually said yes. Only this time, it wasn't for Liz. It was for his best friend, Ned fucking Leeds. The boy who he spent his childhood pulling all-nighters to build Legos and watch Star Wars with, the boy who held him in his arms and let him cry there when Uncle Ben died, not caring that his shirt was drenched from his tears, the boy who took care of him and tended to his injuries whenever he came back from patrol all bruised up, who came over every single year when it was the death anniversary of his uncle to cheer him up, cause he knew that he was always down at that particular day. He'd been so stupid. How could he have been blind all this time? All this time he had been trying to go after Liz when his best friend was right in front of him all along, suffering in silence probably.
Without thinking, he presses his own lips against Ned's, and they kiss gently.
Ned pulls back after a few seconds. "You don't have to do this just because you feel bad for me, Peter, it's okay" he says quietly. His cheeks are red and he's frowning. He definitely didn't expect his first kiss to be a goddamned pity kiss from Peter Parker.
"I'm not doing this cause I feel sorry for you, I... like you too" Peter gives Ned a smile to show that he was serious. "I'm bi, and I always thought you were cute. But I thought it was normal, I didn't really think about it. And I don't give two shits if you're 'fat', Ned. You're the most beautiful, funniest and kindest person I fucking know. Besides, that means there's more of you that I get to cuddle" This time Peter's cheeks turn red.
Ned can't believe what's happening right now. He's dumbfounded and in a loss for words. Did he really just hear his best friend say that he liked him too?
"Do you wanna kiss again?" Peter asks nervously.
Ned nods and before he can reply, Peter's arms are wrapped around his body in a tight hug and their lips find their way back to each other again.
The second kiss is a million times better than the first. This time, Ned can savour the moment. Peter's soft lips feel exactly like how he always thought they would. Ned's worries about Flash, his parents and the entire school finding out immediately vanishes as he is held tightly in Peter's strong arms.
After pulling out, Ned rests his head against the other boy's chest and they stand there for a while in silence, holding each other. The song finally ends.
So I'm gonna love you
He feels Peter's hot breath tickling against his neck as he attempts to say something.
"Come to prom with me"