Chapter Text
“So,” said Annie. “Vampires are real.”
“Yes,” said the doctor, almost casually.
“Vampires.”
“Right.”
“Vampires, like from —”
The doctor turned away from the microscope, frowning. “Listen,” he interrupted. “I know what you’re about to say, and it’s the equivalent, for us, of ‘your last name is Barracuda? Like the fish?’. Just so you know.”
Annie fidgeted. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s just kind of — a lot to take in, I guess.”
“No doubt.” He returned to the examination. “God, I remember my first day.”
Last week, Annie had been helping organize the washing of oily seabirds, with the zeal that only the promise of paying off student loan interest can bring about. Then there’d been an incident, spoken of only by management in hushed voices, and suddenly they’d informed her of her transfer to J Department. And now, today, she was watching vampire corpse parts bake under UV lamps.
I knew those yearly budget breakdown graphs were fake, she thought, as her brain continued straining to process the enormous flood of new information. The Speedwagon Foundation wasn’t fooling anyone when they said less than ten percent went to administrative costs, even without considering this crazy J Department crap. I mean, how do you quantify “equipment for monitoring the undead”, anyway?
At her previous job, there’d been a little donation jar to benefit the SPWF on the counter. Annie wondered how much of the proceeds had gone towards…whatever was going on here. Making sure dead vampires didn’t reanimate and escape. Whatever.
“The thing to do is just take it all in stride,” said the scientist. “If you let yourself get hung up on how bizarre everything in the world is, you’ll never get anything done.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Annie admitted.
“I mean, between the vampires and double vampires, the evil dog, and the magical orangutan ghost boat…”
Annie smiled forcefully and reminded herself that J Department got great dental.