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Even woke up to a bright light blinding him-fuck-Isak must have forgotten to pull the curtains last night. He groans and rubs the sleep from his eyes, then streches his arms, his hands instinctively looking for his boyfriend under the duvet. He pouts when his arms land on a pile of covers, and no Isak. He sighs and finally opens his eyes.
Something seems…off. This isn’t the ceilling from his and Isak’s apartament, and he is too close to it, which means he is sitting on a bunk bed. He gets up and looks around, then realisation hits him- this is his old room from his parents’ house. How did he get here? He doesn’t remeber coming home the previous night. This is strange. Was he having an episode? He sometimes comes here when he’s down. But was it so bad that he doesn’t even remeber anything? He isn’t feeling manic though, nor depressed. He gets up, puts a white t-shirt on and a pair of comfy sweatpants and goes straight to the kitchen. He meets his mother there who is humming to the tune of some pop-song on the radio and making breakfast. ‘Oh it’s Gabrielle.’ He thinks and smiles, of course, he shares his love for her music with his mom.
“Hi, good morning” Even greets, voice hoarse as he just woke up and still feels quite confused about his surroundings.
His mother turns around a bit startled.
“Oh Good morning sweetie, she replies grinning, "Didn’t see you there. I made pancakes and tea, come on, take a sit.” She then approaches him and hugs him tightly “Happy birthday dear” she whispers in his ear, making him giggle and presses a soft kiss to his forehead.
“Thanks mom, for the breakfast and everything. But I’m sorry, I should go, Isak is probably worried, umm” he scratches his head nervously, how does he say this without worrying her “How did I get here anyway, I don’t remember coming home last night”
His mom looks at him with wide eyes “Even what are you talking about? Who is Isak? You were here last night, watching movies with Sonja, she left after you fell asleep. Oh and she said she’s coming over later by the way, I heard she has a surprise for you.”
“Wh-what” he asks dumfounded. Sonja?! What?! Ok now he is confused, did he land in a parllel universe, one like those Isak used to talk about, because if so, how can he get back? “What do you mean who is Isak? My boyfriend?? He came to see you multiple times??”
“Are you cheating on Sonja?”
“No!”Tehnically I was for a bit,“we broke up ages ago mom!”
“If breaking up to you means making out for an hour instead of watching a movie like you two did last night I don’t know what to say”
He made out with Sonja?? Did he get drunk and high and cheated on Isak?? Is this why he can’t remeber anything? Shit shit
“Honey are you ok?” his mom asks worriedly
Even snaps back to reality, suddenly realising that he has been awfully quiet and staring into space for the past few minutes.
“Yeah yeah sorry”
“Are you sure? Did you take your meds?” she presses, brows knitted in concern.
“I’m not having a fucking episode mom” he snaps angrily, immediately regretting his unecessary outburst.
“Watch your language, no reason to be so rude, I’m just worried about you”
“I know sorry, I just um…had a very interesting dream last night you know? And it felt extremly real” His mom looks unconvinced “I uhh” he looks around trying to look for an excuse “I am going back to my room to check on something” he turns around, leaving the kitchen and his mom in a daze.
He closes the door and leans on it, what in the word is happening. He wants to laugh because the situation is simply absurd. Is this a prank? Is his mom trying to make some kind of joke? He pulls his phone from the plug in to try and text Isak. He looks at “M” searching for Mannen i mit liv, but there’s no contact with such name. Did he change it? He looks for Isak, baby, kjaereste but nothing comes up. Shit. His number is not there. Just what is going on. He checks and there’s also no texts or calls to Isak, only to Sonja, his parents, Mikael and Elias. What the fuck, did he go back in time, but no, the date on his phone states clearly, february 12, 2018.
“Even?” His mom knocks on the door, “are you still going to work? You’re going to be late, but it’s fine if you don’t want to go, it’s your birthday after all.”
“No, no I’m going, just a minute!” he decides that he needs to go out and find out what the hell is going on. He gets dressed quickly and goes out after kissing his mother goodbye.
He looks at his watch: 9:30. He wants to go to their apartament but Isak should be at scool right now, so he goes to Nissen. He bounces on his feet all the ride in the train, as his phone buzzes with texts from Sonja and the boys, but he ignores them all, sighing in frustration.
Finally he arrives at Nissen and looks around. He can’t really go in since he graduated and is no longer a student here, but he waits at the gate, just like he does sometimes when coming to pick Isak up and surprise him. Students are all over the schoolyard, laughing and chatting. He looks around hoping to see golden curls or a snapback or anything, realy. Where are you? He is starting to really miss his baby. In the end he doesn’t see him, but luckily he spots Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi in a corner and approaches them.
“Halla boys” Normally he would clap Jonas and Mahdi on the back and hug Magnus but he is getting restless. “Where’s Isak?”
All three exchange glances and look as if Even was a complete stranger and also out of his mind.
“Sorry man” Jonas goes, "I don’t know anybody with the name of Isak. Gutter? Do you?" Magnus and Mahdi shake their heads.
Even wants to laugh.What, you’re his friends, our friends, what.
“Haha really funny guys, you got me there. Nice prank and everything, well thought, I must admit, you even convinced my mother to join and you went through my phone too? What the hell?”
The boys continue to look at each other in complete confusion, but then Magnus chimes in : “Listen buddy, you’re Even, right?
What the fuck why are you pretending that you don’t know me. He nods, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"You graduated last year, correct?”
“Y-yeah” What
“I heard about you, not that I wanted to, rumours, you know how it is”
“Just what are you talking about,” he replies exasperated, his heart pounding like crazy because something is very, very wrong.
“It’s ok, you know, my mother is bipolar too. I know how it is. Is there somebody we could call, your parents or a friend or something?” He licks his lips glancing down at Even’s phone.
“What?? I know that you know about my bipolar, I’m not fucking manic, why does everybody think so?” He says raising his voice suddenly.
“Chill dude” Jonas says looking around.
“I can’t fucking chill Jonas, I really, really don’t understand what is going on. I fell asleep last night, and he was there next to me and we were cuddling after a make out session and, and…we were supposed to celebrate my birthday today, but this morning I woke up in my parents’ house and apparently nobody knows who he is as if he fucking vanished or was simply a product of my imaginaton, not my boyfriend of more than a fucking year, as if I haven’t been living with him for months and you’re his friends, what the fuck, Jonas, he’s been your friend since forever just…what is happening?”
He’s crying now, he’s in full histerics and he’s making a scene at Nissen and everyone is staring at him. Oh god. Good job Even now they surely won’t believe you when you say you’re not manic.
“I’m sorry man, but we really don’t know an Isak and you should lower your voice, come on, we’ll take you home where do you li-”
Mahdi wants to say but Even’s not listening anymore, he runs and runs until he falls to his knees on the street. Sonja finds him there Oh great exactly who I needed, he thinks bitterly.
“Even! Even! what on earth are you doing?! Why aren’t you at work? She is shouting but he just keeps sobbing.
"Hey calm down, calm down it’s okay. I’m here” she crouches and tries to pull him in a hug but he just pushes her away.
“Go away Sonja we’re not dating anymore, no reason for you to babysit me like you used to.” He replies but his voice is low and hoarse and he’s so, so tired.
“Even what are you talking about, we never broke up, come on let’s go home”
Yes already heard that one from mom, thank you very much. He must have somehow landed in a parallel universe because this is the only explanantion that makes sense. How do I get back how do I get back-
“Even!” she tries again but he just gets up and runs again, completely ignoring Sonja’s pleads, he runs and runs until he bumps into Mikael.
“Happy birthday bro” he exclaims grinning but then his smile dissapears when he sees his red puffy eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Mik you have to believe me, you know Isak, right? He punched you in the face the first time he saw you but then you got along quite well, you know how much I love him, please help me find him because everyone is acting like I’m out of my mind and he doesn’t exist” “Please please please” He’s crying again.
“I-I am sorry Ev, I have no idea who you are talking about”
Now Even really wants to fucking scream.
Sonja is approaching, looking extremly concerned and Magnus, Mahdi and Jonas are there too and it’s suddenly too much. He closes his eyes and cries and cries and suddenly…suddenly when he opens his eyes again he is back in their bedroom and Isak is next to him sleeping soundly, looking angelic but drooling a little, sleeping without a care in the world.
It. was. a dream. oh my god. It was a dream. but it felt so real, so so real. Even shakes him awake because he really needs him right now, needs to look into those green eyes that always make him feel grounded. Isak blinks awake and he must have noticed that something is wrong because he sits up immediately and looks at Even worriedly.
Oh I missed you baby
“Even what’s wrong?”
But Even can’t speak, he can’t do anything. He just lunges himself at Isak and pulls him close, holding him so, so tight, as if this was the last time they would see each other.
“Bad dream baby?” Isak asks, hugging him back with just as much force.
Even just buries himself in the crook, breathes him in and sighs tiredly.
“The worst. A fucking nightmare”