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Patrick had honestly no idea how this happened, but here he was, reciting a very dumb and very fake-looking/sounding ritual for summoning demons. His friends were, no doubt, terrible influences.
“This is not going to work.” He declared for the fifteenth time as Brendon prompted him to continue with a hand sign.
“Not if you keep interrupting the enchantment, dude, c’mon, say the thing.”
Patrick rolled his eyes but continued whatsoever, “Skidaddle, skidoodle, bibbidy-bobbidy-boo, the power of Christ sure as hell don’t compel you!”
“You’re not doing it right Patrick, it says here..” Ryan pointed at a part of the text “Asterisk, on a hip-hop beat or it won’t work, asterisk.”
“Yes, thank you very much, I can read.” Stump replied, rolling his eyes (bis) as Brendon started beatboxing terribly.
“Skidaddle, skidoodle” “boom-clap-boom-boom-clap” “Bibbidy-bobbidy-boo, the power of Christ.. sure as hell.. don’t compel you.”
Unsurprisingly AF, nothing happened, so they all decided to call it a night, leaving the Doritos scattered in a pentagram on the floor and going to sleep.
This sleepover thing was possibly the greatest shit ever invented.
Patrick woke up, which wasn’t weird per say, luckily, but what did appear to be real fuckin’ weird is that the Doritos were nowhere to be seen. After a bit of thinking, he supposed Brendon had probably picked them up to eat them in the middle of the night and went on with his morning, hair all messed up as he walked into the kitchen-- Or at least tried to, seeing as something solid was blocking the doorway.
Rubbing his eyes, sort of pissed off, he groaned “Brendon, get out of my way.”
“And who might that Brendon gentleman be?” An otherworldly voice spoke, it was deeper than your adoration for fall out boy, reader. It literally sounded like thirty middle aged metalheads making their best guttural screams at the same time.
“An annoying bit-- Holy shit, who the hell are you?!” Patrick replied, jumping back (LITERALLY) as he saw that the individual standing in front of him – could you even call that an individual?-- had some sort of grey smoke surrounding their whole body and their silhouette was so dark it seemed to absorb light like a black hole.
“I, dearest mortal, am the demon you summoned yesterday!” The creature announced, claws somehow appearing out of their light-absorbing hands and pointing them towards Patrick.
The human backed away, pinching his arm to make sure this was a dream-- it wasn’t. God, he’s gonna die, he’s gonna die…
“ I am here for your soul.” It said, sending a shiver down Patrick’s spine out of sheer terror. He was too young to die, god, please..
The shape quickly shifted into what looked like an emo teen with badly self-cut bangs and tons of eyeliner, Dorito powder on his chin. “But I need to make a deal with you first though, LOLZOR.” He said, his voice now much more pleasant to listen to, actually sounding just like he looked.
Patrick’s heart was still beating a hundred miles an hour in his chest and he honestly did not know how to react. “You do know guyliner isn’t cool anymore, right? Like, that’s so 2005.” He said, his voice still shaky as he pointed at the other male’s eyes.
“You know I could kill you with a snap of my fingers, right?”
Patrick crossed his arms, his face clearly stating ‘ I’m not buying your bullshit.’ “Yeah but what’s the point, you want my soul not my life.”
The demon chuckled, throwing finger guns at the blond. “Eh, smart boy, aren’t you. I’m demon #2467618682, yes, that’s a keysmash, no, Satan does not love us very much, no, I’m not a robot (no, I will not read whatever you just wrote to prove it), oh and-- My name may be #2467618682, but you can call me anytime.” D emo n winked, though it was more of a blink since he shut both eyes doing it. “OH, OH HERE, this is my number.” He said, putting the sheet with the ritual in Patrick’s hands.
“Pete’s shorter, I’m calling you that. You are hella annoying for a demon. Can’t you just fuck off?” Patrick asked, trying to walk into the kitchen to drink his fucking coffee, but the other guy kept getting in the way.
“Do you know how long it takes to come allllllll the way from hell, up to the surface of the earth. C’moooooon, it’s just your soul, ask for anything!”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
“I am trading my soul for you leaving me the fuck alone.”
And just like that, the demon had vanished and the human added one more regret to his list of things he regretted.