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The TARDIS was quiet.
He sat in the jump seat, feet up on the console, staring at the ceiling. He knew that, swirling in the vortex as they were, now was the perfect time for repairs, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
He was alone.
Of course he was alone. It was his own fault. He’d pushed everyone away, left them all behind. Had done terrible things and now he was paying for it.
He wondered where he should go. What he should do. He didn’t have an answer.
Well, if he was honest, all he wanted to do was go back. Change it all. Keep them all from leaving him. Keep himself from leaving them. Keep Donna from her fate. Keep Rose…
Rose.
Oh, how he missed her.
He had always missed her. He hadn’t thought he could miss her more than he had in the intervening years between Canary Warf and the Crucible. But now, he knew he was wrong.
Oh, he knew he’d done the right thing… sort of. He couldn’t have kept himself in the same universe and he knew she would be good for him. He knew he, the Time Lord, could never give her what she wanted. He knew it was the only sensible thing to do.
But he knew it was wrong. Somehow, knowing she was happy with… himself, in another universe, was wrong.
She should be here. With him. In the TARDIS. She should be here.
But she wasn’t.
…
Hours or days or minutes passed. The Doctor wasn’t paying attention.
Finally, he pulled himself up. He really should stop moping about.
However, when he stood in front of the console, all he could do was lean his hands against it and drop his head.
What was he doing? This was ridiculous.
He huffed, frustrated, wondering how he could get himself out of this unproductive, very un-Time Lord like slump.
Then, he had an idea.
It was insane. Totally preposterous. But it was all he had, so he might as well give it a go.
He glanced up to the time rotor and cocked an eyebrow. “What do you think, Old Girl?” He asked the time ship. “Shall we try it?”
There was no answer, of course. The ship wasn’t in the habit of answering him these days. If a ship could be annoyed, presumably at his current behaviour, that was what she was. But that was ridiculous.
“Yes,” he muttered to himself. It was the only way. He’d find her. He’d go to her. He’d get her back.
And he’d fail.
He’d fail because there was no way through the void to her universe. There was no way to get her back. And he’d see that once and for all and be forced to move on.
Yes, this was the way to go. This was what he needed to do.
…
He tried everything he could think of.
And he did fail. As he knew he would. But it didn’t help him move on. No, the perfectly conceived plan had backfired. Because it had kind of got his hopes up just a little. And now it all came crashing down again.
Stupid idea.
He sat now in a huff on the jump seat. “What was I thinking, eh?” he asked his ship absently, “Why did I think this was a good idea? Why didn’t you stop me? You could have, you know. Or you could have helped. I wish it was as simple as turning to you and saying ‘Please, TARDIS, take me to Rose?’ and then we’d be—.”
The Doctor stopped, stunned, as the rotor began to churn and levers started flipping themselves.
Mouth opening and closing like a fish, he managed to squeak indignantly. “Well, really!”
When the TARDIS came to a stop, the Doctor could barely contain himself long enough to bound to the doors and throw them wide.
What he saw was not a London full of zeppelins or even a desolate beach in Norway.
No. What he saw… was a nebula. A nebula in deep space, in his own universe, which was where he was. He wasn’t with Rose at all.
Stupid to think it would be that easy.
“What’s this then?” He asked, shutting the doors and turning away. “Why’ve you brought me here? Rose isn’t here.”
A green light on the console was flashing. He frowned and moved towards it.
The light, it turned out, was a button. And, well, a flashing light really does suggest one should push said button, doesn’t it?
So, he pushed it.
And, instantly, felt his mind being dragged away from him, into the console. Into the TARDIS’s heart.
He was flooded with gold; an undulating ball of time energy. This shouldn’t be possible. But it didn’t stop there.
A bright, golden thread stretched away from the heart and he could feel himself being pulled along it.
And there she was.
…
Rose.
Rose. Just standing there, right in front of him. Looking at him, an unreadable expression on her face.
No, wait, not looking at him; looking through him!
“Rose,” He began.
She didn’t even twitch. She hadn’t heard him. He tried again.
“Rose! Can you hear me? Can you see me? I’m right here!”
Nothing.
He studied her.
She looked more grown up, somehow, though she was clearly no older. Her hair was pinned in a no-nonsense knot behind her head. Her makeup was minimal and she wore a white flowy blouse, beige slacks and pointy nude stilettoes.
She looked like she’d just stepped out of the office.
Rose in an office, that was an odd thought.
She stood with her arms wrapped protectively around herself, leaning against what was presumably her car. She stared at whatever was behind him with what he thought was a little apprehension.
Wondering at that, he looked behind him to see a large, well-kept manor house set amongst lush green gardens.
“What’s this place then?” he said idly, obviously to himself, as Rose was none the wiser to his presence.
He looked back at her, only to see the passenger door open.
Jackie went to stand next to her daughter.
He didn’t like what he saw on her face.
Worry.
“You can do this.” She said, squeezing Rose’s arm.
Rose took a deep breath. She looked at her mother for a long moment, some kind of unspoken conversation passing between them when their eyes locked.
Then, Rose set her shoulders and stepped forward, towards the house.
The Doctor followed.
Jackie did not.
…
They stepped in the front door and up to a reception desk.
The doctor knew instantly, this was some kind of hospital. The walls were whitewashed and everything had that overly clinical feel. He didn’t like it.
“Hi Suzette,” Rose said to the receptionist. “How is he today?”
The Doctor frowned. Who?
“He’s having a good day.” Replied Suzette-The-Receptionist with a smile. “He’s in his room. I’ll buzz you in.”
“Thanks.” Smiled Rose.
She walked around to the right of the desk and up to a glass door. A buzzing sound could be heard and then a click as the door unlocked. Rose pushed through it and walked on, down one hallway and then another, the Doctor in invisible tow. She seemed to know exactly where she was going.
They came at last to a closed white door with a long window in its side. She pushed it open to reveal a pleasant little room with a single bed, a TV, a comfy looking chair and a vase of flowers. And the Doctor saw what he suddenly knew he had expected to see all along.
…
The Doctor, the human one, stood calmly by the window, looking out at the garden beyond.
He turned when he heard her enter. “Hello,” he said with a grin.
“Hello,” said Rose, with a quiet smile. “How are you today, Love?”
“I’m alright.” He replied, smiling easily. “I’m always alright, Rose Tyler.”
A shot of surprise passed over her face. “You remember who I am?”
“Of course I do! I could never forget you, Rose.” He replied, taking a step towards her. “You’re important.”
Rose’s smile seemed sad. She stepped towards him too and they hugged, just briefly.
The human Doctor went back to the window. He muttered to himself, looking down and pulling on the cuff of his shirt. “Though, I don’t quite remember how…” Then his attention reverted to the view outside. “I can see her out there, in the garden. I think I might go and sit with her today.” He said, wistful.
Rose moved to stand next to him, as did the Doctor. He followed their gaze to a brown-haired woman who sat on a bench about a hundred metres away.
They stood quietly for a minute. Then the human Doctor spoke again.
“I love her, you know.” He said, like it was something new. Like he was confiding in her.
But Rose smiled sadly again. “I know, Sweetheart.” She placed a hand on his arm in support.
The Time Lord Doctor was starting to feel sick, apprehension sinking into his bones. What was going on?
“Isn’t she beautiful.” The human Doctor continued. “She’s so kind. I think I should like to talk to her today.”
“That sounds lovely, John.” Said Rose softly.
John. He was John here?
John continued to look out the window, head tilted to the side in thought as he studied the woman outside.
Then his demeanour changed. He turned back to Rose, his eyes suddenly became keen and searching. “Is it time? How is she? Is she ready?”
Rose took a breath and answered in a soothing voice. “Yes, Sweetheart. It’s time. She’s ready.”
“What’s she like?”
“She’s beautiful. Perfect. Just what she should be.”
“Can I see her?”
A pause.
“No John, I’m sorry. You can’t.”
His voice became pleading, a note of desperation seeping in. “Please, one last time…”
Rose shook her head, placing her hand lovingly on his cheek. “I’m sorry Love.”
He seemed to deflate at that. He stepped away from her, then slumped over to the chair and sat heavily. He leaned his head back and looked at Rose.
John finally spoke, breaking the silence. “Is this the last time?”
The Time Lord Doctor looked at Rose and saw real pain flash across her face, before she replaced it with a reassuring smile. “Yes, John. This is the last time. It’ll all be gone after today.”
“I don’t think I want it to go.” He replied, a note of uncertainty in his tone.
“I know you don’t. But you know we have to. It’s for the best. And then you can concentrate on getting better and… and asking Emily out on a date.”
“I know, you’re right… I do wish I could have seen the TARDIS one last time though.”
“I know, Sweetheart.”
The Doctor watched on, thinking hard. John’s memory wasn’t working properly. Rose was about to do something to… What? Fix him? So, he could ask out some woman named Emily… who was presumably the woman on the bench outside. Something niggled at the back of his mind, but he couldn’t quite grasp the thought.
But that didn’t make any sense at all. He should be with Rose! That was the whole point of leaving her in this universe! They were supposed to be together and live the life he couldn’t. They were supposed to be the happily-ever-after. But this? This twisted, broken, whatever this was? This wasn’t right!
Rose moved to stand in front of John’s chair. She brushed a thumb over his temple, smoothing his hair back with care.
John leaned into her hand, closing his eyes.
“I don’t want to go.” He said at last, his voice small and frightened.
“It’s alright, Sweetheart.” Said Rose, “In a minute, it will all be over. And the pain will be gone. And you’ll be ok.”
John nodded.
“Ready?” asked Rose quietly.
John gulped. He opened his eyes and stared at Rose. Finally, he gave an infinitesimal nod.
Rose smoothed his hair once more before moving both of her hands to the sides of his face, her fingers brushing lightly against his temples.
What happened next took the Time Lord’s breath away.
John’s face went slack. His eyes, still open and staring into Rose’s, began to glow. What The Doctor could only assume was the time vortex, swirled there like liquid gold.
Rose leant down and gently pressed her lips to his.
John’s immediate response was to deepen the kiss, and Rose let him, for just a moment.
As they kissed, the vortex swirled brighter and began to leach out of John’s eyes and into Rose’s.
Rose pulled away and the Doctor saw the vortex breathing out of John’s mouth into hers.
And then, it was done.
Rose dropped her hands and stood back.
John was in a bit of a daze. He blinked up at Rose, then shook his head slightly as if to clear it.
He grinned up at her. “Hello.” He said.
Rose tried to smile. It was wobbly. “Hello.” She replied.
“Can I help you?” Asked John.
“No, sorry.” Said Rose. She shook her head too and took another step back. “Wrong room.”
John nodded. “Oh, alright. Nice to meet you.”
Rose nodded quickly and suddenly she was heading for the door.
The Doctor followed.
As the door closed behind them, he took one last look at the oblivious man in the chair and was filled with despair.
He looked to Rose.
She took several quick steps down the hallway, back the way they’d come, and put a hand out to the wall for support.
It was then that he wished, more than anything, he were really there. That he could hold her in his arms and comfort her.
Because Rose was shaking fiercely. She crouched down on her heels, wrapping her arms around her knees and cried.
It was a quiet, quick cry. Only 10 seconds or so. She shook and rocked and made a tiny keening sound that broke the Doctor’s heart.
Then, as suddenly as she had dropped, she stood back up again.
She smoothed her hands down her blouse, patted at her eyes, took a deep breath, and walked quickly back to reception.
When she arrived, a man in a white coat was talking to Suzette-The-Receptionist. They both looked up when she pressed the buzzer to be let out.
The man spoke first. “Suzette told me when you arrived. Is it done?”
Rose nodded. “Yeah, that was the last of it. He won’t remember anything about his life, about me, about Torchwood, about any of us. It’s all gone now.”
The man nodded, sympathetically. “I’ll inform the staff and we’ll start rehabilitation. We’ll take good care of him Rose.”
“I know,” she replied. “Thanks. For everything.”
“You’re more than welcome.” He said.
With that, Rose and the Doctor walked out through the front door, back to her car and her mum.
On seeing her, Jackie did exactly what the Doctor wanted to do, and enfolded her daughter in her arms.
Rose cried in earnest then. Her sobs were loud and painful and her shoulders shook violently as she clung to her mother.
“Oh, Sweetheart, I know. I know.” Whispered Jackie, stroking Rose’s hair. “There now. I know. It’s for the best, Sweetheart, right? That’s what you both said when this started. It was the only way.”
Rose nodded, continuing to cry.
“And he won’t burn now, will he. You saved him.” Said Jackie.
The Doctor’s eyes widened. Of course! John was a Time Lord-human metacrisis! The Doctor had figured, as he was mostly Time Lord, that his mind would be able to cope with a Time Lord consciousness. But, apparently, like Donna, it wasn’t enough. It seemed to have progressed slower, perhaps because he was more Time Lord than human. And The Doctor had no idea how Rose was able to take his memories and, apparently, what was left of the Vortex, out of him.
But it didn’t matter how. Not at this moment. What mattered was that it had to be done.
And now Rose was alone.
Out of nowhere, The Doctor felt a pulling sensation on his skin, like everything was expanding and contracting at the same time. He looked around him and noticed that everything was fading. He looked back to Rose and Jackie.
“No!” He shouted. He wasn’t ready to leave yet. He didn’t want to leave her!
At his shout, everything started to solidify again.
But, The Doctor noticed immediately, he was somewhere else.
He was standing in front of Rose again, only she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and had a big duffle bag over one shoulder.
Jackie, Pete and a little blonde boy, who could only be Tony Tyler, stood opposite her. They were clearly in the middle of a goodbye.
“I wish you didn’t have to go.” Said Jackie.
“You know I can’t be here, Mum. Not with him so close and me unable to see him.” Said Rose.
Jackie nodded and embraced her daughter.
Pete put his hand on Rose’s shoulder. “Be safe, alright? Look after yourself.”
Rose smiled a little and hugged him too.
“Bye Rosie.” Said Tony. He hugged her fiercely around her middle, and Rose looked like she might be about to break.
“I’ll see you soon, yeah? Don’t you worry. I’ll be back before you know it.” She said to him.
He nodded and let go.
Rose smiled once more at them all, somewhat shakily, and walked past The Doctor.
He turned and saw the TARDIS. It looked just the same as ever, right down to the chip in the paint next to the handle.
Rose went inside and he followed.
She looked out once more and gave a small wave to her family before shutting the door.
She put down her bag on the jump seat and patted the console lovingly.
“Time to fly, hey Girl?”
The Doctor watched, utterly amazed, as she began to pilot the time ship; flipping switches, turning nobs and pushing all the right buttons. She clearly knew what she was doing.
As the time rotor whooshed into life, The Doctor felt the same pulling sensation on his skin. The scene faded, replaced with a new one.
…
He stood in a kitchen with Rose and Jackie.
He didn’t know how much time had passed, because Rose looked the same. But Jackie looked a lot older. Odd. Maybe she’d skipped years by accident when she came home, like he had all those years ago.
“And Tony’s only got one exam left.” Jackie was saying. “He’s almost through. Then he’ll officially be a Torchwood officer. We’re so proud of him. He’s worked so hard for it and he really is excellent. Just like his sister. It’s going to be such a big step for him. And with bub number two on the way, he’s going to be incredibly busy.”
Rose smiled. “That’s good. I’m glad it’s all going so well for him.” She said, “He’s going to be great. I know it.”
There was a short silence.
At last, Rose looked down, smile gone. “How is he?”
Jackie pursed her lips sadly. “He’s good I think. I haven’t checked in on him myself in a while…”
“Yourself?” Rose’s eyes widened. “You haven’t been talking to him, have you? Any of you? You know even the slightest hint of a memory from before can bring it all back!”
“I know, Sweetheart!” placated Jackie, a little impatient. “You’ve told us enough times! We don’t go near him. Well, Tony does sometimes, but only as a friendly face down the pub. And he would never remember him, as he was only little the last time he saw him as, you know, him.”
Rose frowned. “Yeah, but Tony’s my brother. He could see a look or a feature or something that sets it all off. Tony really shouldn’t be talking to him. Only Torchwood people who’ve never met him before should have anything to do with him now. And only rarely at that. We need to let him be.”
Jackie nodded. “You’re right, I know. I’ll tell Tony not to go anymore.”
…
The scene faded, replaced with yet another one.
Rose looked the same. Still.
The man standing next to her and the TARDIS on the hill, looked familiar.
Tony, the Doctor realised, when he saw the man smile. He looked like Pete, but not quite. He was in his fifties at least.
They were looking down the hill.
The Doctor followed their line of sight to a playground where a man was pushing a little girl on a swing.
John.
He was old, at least in his seventies by now, relatively speaking. But it was undeniably him.
Tony and Rose had been speaking quietly.
“How’s Julie and the kids?” Rose asked.
“Their good. Molly’s fed up with uni, ready to get into the workforce. And Charlie’s knee-deep in his latest experiment. Chip off the old block, that one. Just like Dad. Least he can put it to good use. Already said that the Torchwood tech department’s where he wants to end up. Course he’s got to finish high school first, and that’s a bit iffy given his attendance record. For such a bright spark, he’s got a few priorities to straighten out.”
Rose smiled, but stayed silent.
“You going to come for Christmas this year?”
Rose shook her head. “No, I have to get going. I’ve dawdled enough as it is.”
Tony’s eyes shot to hers, alarmed. “That’s it then?”
Rose smiled again, a little sadder. “Mum and Dad are gone now. And you’re ok, living your life. I need to go.” She looked down at John and the little girl. “And he’s ok… living his life too, day after day. The one adventure I can never have.” She gave a bitter little laugh.
They were silent a moment.
“Is that his granddaughter?” Rose finally asked.
“Yeah.” Said Tony, a little choked up.
“What’s her name?”
“Susan.”
Rose blanched. “Susan?”
Tony nodded, not noticing Rose’s distress. But the Doctor did. He knew as well as Rose that a granddaughter called Susan could be a wisp of a memory.
However, Tony allayed their fears. “Named after his daughter’s husband’s mum, he said.” Tony smiled. “He was so chuffed when she was born. Nobody expected Lottie to have another kid. And then poof! Here comes Susan. She’s a little spitfire apparently. Gives her teacher’s hell. Smart as anything too.”
“I still don’t like you being so close to him, Tony.” Rose admonished.
Tony laughed. “I bin meeting him at the pub for over twenty years, Rose. If I was going to trigger a memory, I think I would have by now. Besides I know you want all the details I can get.”
Rose huffed.
The wind picked up and Tony tucked his jacket tighter around himself.
Rose didn’t appear to notice the chill.
“So,” Said Tony at last. “You’re really going to find a way through?”
Rose nodded. “I’ve figured it out; done all the calculations. Took me three hundred and thirty-two years, but I’ve finally done it. All it needs is a two-way connection, and his TARDIS can provide that. There’s only a 0.00002 percent chance that the crossing will do any damage to either of the universes and it’ll be minor enough to repair itself if that happens.”
The Doctor gasped.
She was coming back to him? That was what they meant, right? That was what they were talking about. She was going to try to get back to him! How!? When!? Oh, Rassilon, she was coming back!
And, sorry, did she say three hundred and thirty-two years? What!?
Tony was nodding, his mouth a thin line. The Doctor tuned back in.
“You keep my TARDIS safe, yeah?” Rose was saying. “It can’t come with me, as much as I wish it could. It’ll die without me.” Rose paused, a faraway look in her eyes, before continuing on. “So, let it just gather dust, yeah? And don’t harvest it. Humans aren’t meant to have this kind of technology for a good… well… ever.”
“Yeah. I know. We’ll do what’s right.”
Rose turned then, hugging her brother fiercely.
“I’ll miss you Kid.” She said ferociously. “You keep having a fantastic life! I love you.”
“I love you too.” Murmured Tony into her hair.
With one last glance down the hill, Rose finally stepped away and up to the TARDIS door. She pushed it open and stepped inside.
“I’ll leave it in your garage, yeah?” She said, turning back to her brother.
Tony nodded, again.
“Love you.” Rose said, one last time, ready to begin the journey home.
The Doctor felt the pull. Only this time he didn’t materialise in a new place to watch over Rose’s life. He found himself speeding back along the golden thread into his own universe, into his TARDIS and back into his own head.
He stood, hand on the green button, as if nothing had happened.
Was it a dream? Was it even possible? Was she really coming back to him?
He ran a hand through his hair to the nape of his neck, looking around the console room.
It was then that he spotted Ood Sigma standing near the police box doors.
…
It didn’t happen immediately. Rose didn’t just appear back in his life and change everything.
No.
Instead, he regenerated. Twice. Got married… a few times. He got a hell of a lot older. And he continued to find new companions, and lose them.
He never stopped thinking about her. Hoping that she just hadn’t made it yet. That she was still on her way. That their timelines just hadn’t converged again yet, because it wasn’t the right time.
He resolutely ignored the little voice in his head that suggested she might not have made it.
He resisted the urge to press the green button again. If his companions ever noticed just how often he’d stare at it, they didn’t bring it up.
Then, one day, after visiting the birth of a star, he heard her.
“Blimey, that was a ride!”
He swung around, eyes wide with disbelief and hope. God, so much hope.
She stood next to the console, next to the green button, and ginned.
“Rose.” He breathed, reverently, taking a step forward.
“Hello Doctor.”
He took another step. “You’re here. You’re really here. You made it through.”
She smiled. “Yeah.” Then her eyes raked up and down his latest body.
The Doctor stopped, suddenly nervous.
“You’ve changed again, I see.” She said, her gaze thoughtful.
“Twice, actually.” He replied.
Rose scrunched up her nose. “You mean I missed one? Damn. Would I have liked it?”
“Yes, probably.”
She smiled again. “This one’s not bad.” She said, taking a step away from the console, towards him. “Distinguished.”
He preened.
“And a little bit mad.”
He stopped preening and pouted.
“But I don’t mind a little bit of madness. We’re all mad here.” She grinned her tongue touched grin. Oh, how he’d missed that grin.
With that, he took three quick strides to her side and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, lifting her and spinning her round.
He may not normally hug in this body, but Rose was the exception. And he would never let her go again.