Archive of Our Own

It was funny the way time made people realize things. Like who holds an important place in your mind, in your heart. Being so far from the paladins for so long made Keith realize just how important they all were to him. How much he had come to see them all as family.

Coming back, however, had another effect on him entirely. It had been a struggle to understand where he stood with them, especially with the urgency of having to come back and get things done.

Now, with a course set for Earth, he had time to mull it over.

How the hell had Lance become… that?

He wasn’t the same guy who had to be yelled at to know when to stop joking, the one ready to pick petty arguments at the most minimal slight. He was a lot more serious now. A lot quieter. He even looked older. Keith knew he himself had aged his two years, so his change was expected. But Lance’s…. He was a little less round, a little more muscular.

His eyes seemed impossibly bluer? His skin somehow darker, but Keith wasn’t sure how without the sun.

Lance was, to put it frankly, breathtakingly gorgeous. Although, it was in more than just his looks. Keith had seen the way Lance had worked to be supportive of everyone on the team. How he’d made sure everyone kept their spirits up, that everyone was okay. He had a beautiful soul, one that shone so bright it made Keith warm inside just being around him.

Keith could tell everyone was excited to go home. He knew everyone wanted to see their families before regrouping to properly defend their home. In the meantime, Keith wasn’t really sure what to do with all of his emotions.

It wasn’t so much the fact that Lance was a boy that made things confusing. Keith had long ago noted his attraction to guys over girls. What made him feel so panicked was the fact that Lance felt so completely out of his league. He was a total flirt, specifically with girls. Keith didn’t stand a chance.

Maybe it was pathetic, but it made him kind of… bitter. He knew that Lance saw him as a rival, or at least he did before. Now, at best, he saw him as a leader. But did he see him as a friend? Keith hated knowing he might never see him as more than that. To be completely honest, Keith didn’t really feel angry that Lance didn’t like him back. To each their own. If the guy was straight, Keith wasn’t going to try and change that or “fix” that or anything. That was just who Lance was, and that was fine.

What made him angry was that he felt this way about Lance. That Lance, without even trying, had managed to make Keith fall basically head over heels. Because Keith had no fucking clue what to do with those feelings, especially with how often he had to see and talk to Lance. He was going to fuck up eventually.

The rebels had helped the paladins and given them another ship to get to Earth once they’d lost the Castle of Lions. They would be reaching Earth soon. But Keith always found Lance staring out one of the large windows at the galaxy they were travelling through.

Despite his instincts telling him to keep walking, he wanted to hear his voice. Talk to him. Test himself and see if maybe he could manage being a normal person around Lance.

“Hey.”

Lance turned and his eyes widened when he saw Keith. “Oh. Hey, man.” He turned his body like a dancer might- shoulders, then hips, then feet. Until he was facing Keith completely, leaning against the window. “What’s up?”

Keith shook his head and shrugged. “Nothing. You just seem to come out here a lot. What are you… thinking?”

There was a beat of silence and Lance looked out at stars again. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I’m kind of… scared to see my family. I mean not scared, just… nervous. It’s been a long time, and I don’t know how to explain everything that’s happened. Going back to Earth feels… surreal, I guess.”

“They’ll be happy to see you, Lance. Because you’ll be home safe.” Lance nodded, but he didn’t answer.

It was quiet for a bit, and Keith debated leaving so Lance could think in peace. He felt like he was intruding, even though Lance didn’t seem to shut him out. He kept his body turned to Keith, his eyes were just on the stars. And his mind seemed somewhere farther away. Keith wished he knew how to talk to him, to comfort him.

“How are you feeling, by the way? About the Shiro thing?”

Keith felt something in him tighten. “Uh… I don’t really know. I still feel like I’m anxious around him.” Keith grit his teeth as he thought back to the fight. He never in a million years would’ve thought he’d fight against Shiro. Against his brother. The coldness in Shiro’s eyes as he tried to kill Keith still haunted his nightmares. Keith still woke up in a cold sweat because he was reliving it. Even knowing Shiro was okay now, that he was himself.

But for so long, he hadn’t been. It didn’t help that now Shiro always looked a little sad, especially when he looked at Keith. And of course, Keith had to have a permanent scar as a reminder of that day.

“It makes you look like your mom.”

“Huh?” Keith stared at Lance in confusion.

Blue eyes were on him again, soft and serious. Lance touched his own cheek. “Your scar. It makes you look like your mom.” Keith touched his cheek and found himself blushing. How the hell did Lance know he was thinking about it? “We have the real Shiro back. And he has you to thank for that, Keith. You figured it out. You reached him.”

“It’s not your fault, Lance,” he assured softly. “Don’t blame yourself for not figuring it out earlier.”

“But he tried, Keith, and I was too stupid to-”

“Hey!” Lance clamped his mouth shut, and even Keith had to take a moment to come back from snapping at him so loudly in the quiet. He took a frustrated breath through his nose and shook his head. “Don’t… don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re not stupid. What happened with Shiro was hard and confusing. But he reached out to you. Not the others. You still got farther than them. That says a lot.” Lance nodded and returned to staring at the stars. Keith felt like he’d royally fucked this up, so he just said, “I didn’t mean to interrupt your alone time or anything…. So I’ll… go.”

He walked away and after a few more steps, he heard, “Thanks, Keith.”

And goddamn that soft tone of voice and that shy smile Lance gave him when Keith looked back because it made every emotion increase tenfold.

***

After a few days of travelling, the group decided they needed to stop on a nearby planet for resources. They needed food, they needed supplies. Once Pidge ran a data check on the nearest inhabitable planets, they reached the nearest one that was with the coalition and safe. There were safety measures of course, but at the sight of the lions, the blasters and canons deactivated and many of the planet’s inhabitants came out to greet the famous paladins of Voltron.

When Allura and Shiro stepped forward to explain their need for resources, the inhabitants, Keith would learn they were called Fenwurs, insisted on letting them rest for a while. Except rest must have had a different definition there because the next thing Keith knew, a banquet’s worth of food was being prepared and every Fenwur was congregating to the area around the lions.

Things that looked like paper lanterns were strung up and everyone was putting on celebration clothes. They were making a party out of the paladins’ visit.

Each paladin was given a shawl and a wreath to wear on their heads. Countless foods were offered, countless gifts of gratitude, and countless supplies were being left for them. It reminded Keith of an eerie sacrifice he’d read about in history books.

The paladins stayed together, uncertain about all the things being provided.

A Fenwur with a large tray of drinks went up to them and bowed. “Tekiscky,” he said, insisting they take the multicolored drink in thin, stained-glass goblets. “Our finest drink.”

They all took a glass and thanked him for the offer. Coran seemed to have no trouble drinking it, so the rest of them figured they were safe.

Pidge made a face as she drank it then gasped for air. “What is this?” she whispered. “It’s like… I don’t even know!”

“The taste it leaves on my tongue reminds me of alcohol,” Lance said, smacking his lips and cringing.

“Do I want to know how you know that, Lance?” Shiro asked. Lance shrugged.

Hunk promptly spit his back into his goblet, and Allura seemed to settle for taking small sips. She could never refuse a gift, always feeling guilty if she tried ever since the near sacrifice with the Arusians.

Keith admitted, it wasn’t a great taste. A mix of sweet and sour and bitter. Like it wanted to taste like candy, but the aftertaste it left made Keith want to cough it away. He found that if he just drank it continuously it wasn’t so bad and it didn’t give him time to note the aftertaste.

It was not long before Keith realized exactly what kind of drink Tekiscky was. Lance had gotten it pretty close when he said it felt similar to alcohol.

Keith, who thought he’d figured out a way around the gross aftertaste, had already drunk three goblets since they were provided, and they were quickly catching up with him. But this tipsiness, or maybe drunkenness, was different from what Earth’s alcohol caused.

This one didn’t make him forget things. He didn’t feel dizzy or nauseous or an urgent need to piss every ten minutes. He just felt light. Everything around him looked light. The colors were soft and the sounds were gentle but strong and Keith was pretty sure he was babbling nonstop, but he didn’t mind that so much.

He didn’t mind because it was making Lance smile.

The only other paladin who had gotten to his point was Pidge, who was quickly cut off once Shiro realized what the drink did. Meanwhile, Keith was getting a fourth goblet, still talking, but not really sure about what.

Then a few Fenwurs came and began taking the paladins aside, begging for stories and introductions. Lance was taken away first along with Allura who drifted off to another group. Then Coran went off to dance a funny little thing that looked like a robot chicken. Then Pidge went off, asking about their technology, and fascinating those around her with her incomprehensible tech speak. Hunk had gone after her, to keep an eye on her because the two goblets of Tekiscky she had drunk had affected her faster and stronger than they had Keith.

“You okay?” Keith looked around to figure out where the voice was coming from before he realized it was Shiro who was right next to him. “I think you should lay off the goblets, Keith.”

“I’m fine,” Keith said with a clear voice. “They make everything soft and light and it’s cool. I’m fine. Look I know exactly what I’m doing.” He turned in a circle and walked in a straight line, then stood in front of Shiro and pressed a finger to his own nose. “I feel great!”

“Right. Well, listen-”

Only Keith wasn’t listening. He was distracted by the Fenwur who was batting her eyes at Lance, giggling at whatever stupid joke he was saying and leaning against him with her own goblet in hand. And what was even worse was how ridiculously bright Lance looked to Keith at that moment. His white armor seemed to glow, and he smile was somehow softer, and Keith swore he could count the freckles from this distance.

“-just stay near-”

“I’ll be back in a sec,” he said, not having a single clue what Shiro had been saying as he walked away briskly and toward Lance. “Hey, what’s up over here?” he asked, pointedly walking between Lance and the alien to stand on the other side of Lance.

“Oh,” the Fenwur giggled. “Lance was just telling me about all the adventures-”

“Did he tell you the time he got tied to a tree?” Keith blurted. Lance grimaced and nudged him, but Keith wasn’t stopping.

That fourth goblet was catching up, making him dizzy for sure now, and mixing up his feelings. He was angry with Fenwur, but he was acting angry with Lance, and maybe it was because he was angry with Lance. He flitted place to place, flirting with everyone in front of his eyes and it was so simple for him.

“What do you care?” Lance’s voice snapped. Keith grumbled and realized he’d said aloud.

“I mean, he’s not even good at it,” Keith continued. He leaned forward onto the Fenwur. “Oh, you’ve activated my particle barrier,” he mimicked, making his voice comically lower. A few more Fenwur came closer, listening to Keith with the same glazed look in his eyes, and Keith kept reciting the pick up lines he’d heard from Lance. “And then- and then this one, listen.” He cleared his throat and assumed Lance’s relaxed, nonchalant pose. “I mean I’m like the cool, ninja, sharpshooter.”

The Fenwurs laughed, but not in a way that was malicious. It was like they were simply hearing fun stories of their favorite hero, and they kept clasping Lance on the shoulder, smiling at him like he was the sun, and he sure was shining like one.

It hurt to look at him. Whether that was because Keith could see him glowing, or because of the crestfallen look he was giving Keith, or because looking at him reminded Keith of everything he felt and wished he didn’t, he wasn’t sure.

Lance plastered on a smile and excused himself, leaving Keith to watch as he left and joined up with another group.

God, if Keith just hadn’t had these feelings for him, he wouldn’t have felt this weird, competitive urge to show he wasn’t completely fawning over him every hour of the day. He wouldn’t have even spoken if not for that stupid anger he felt because he liked Lance. Like, really, really liked him. In this state, Keith wasn’t afraid to admit he’d daydreamed about dates and first kisses and cliché gifts and confessions. With a straight boy.

A fucking straight boy.

Keith hated himself for it. But it was easier to say he hated Lance.

He wasn’t really aware of when the fifth- probably fifth, Keith had lost count- goblet got into his hands, but he was still chasing down that aftertaste. The next thing he knew, he was trailing behind Lance, wanting to listen to the stories he told the Fenwurs, wanting to hear how Lance remembered things, even if he couldn’t really remember names that well. He liked watching him talk.

Without really realizing it, Keith had been getting closer and closer until their shoulders brushed, and Lance pulled away, giving him an angry look.

“Why the hell do you keep following me? Wanna embarrass me again?”

“It’s calming to be around you,” Keith blurted before he could really think it in the first place. Lance furrowed his eyebrows and stared at Keith. If he stared much longer, Keith might break. He wished Lance could like him back. He wished Lance would’ve never seen him as a rival and had just been his friend and then maybe Keith could’ve told him by now. It would be easier than fighting his entire being to not fuck up what little relationship he had with Lance. “I don’t get how you just talk to people. It’s annoying.”

“Excuse me?” Lance exclaimed. “What the hell, Keith?” Keith shrugged.

It was annoying. Why was Lance so at ease with talking to absolute strangers, and Keith couldn’t do it without being fueled by a mood altering substance and something he couldn’t figure out if it was passion or fury? Why couldn’t Keith be more like him, just comfortable with talking? Then maybe he would’ve been able to talk to him about how he felt or at least he’d have been better at hiding it.

“You’re being such an asshole,” Lance muttered. “Leave me alone.”

As he walked away, Keith wanted to scream. Why couldn’t he do this right? He was torn between a childish mindset of why doesn’t he like me, it’s not fair! and a more logical, anxious mindset of, I can’t even talk to him without fumbling, just leave it alone!

It was aggravating and a futile loop to be thinking in.

But if Lance wanted to be left alone, then fine. Keith would do exactly that.

That was his last thought before his body decided to fall asleep.

***

The next time Keith opened his eyes, he was on a cot in a familiar room from the ship the rebels had given them.

“And he rises,” Pidge said. She was sitting on a cot across from him, sitting up but also apparently in no mood to do more than that. “How much did you drink?”

“I can’t remember,” Keith mumbled. “Ew, wh-why is my tongue fuzzy?”

“It’s not fuzzy, it just feels fuzzy. It goes away after about an hour. The ringing in the ears too. But the burping-” Pidge burped under her breath and grimaced. “The burping hasn’t stopped and it tastes horrible.”

Keith sat up and groaned, feeling unlike himself. He wasn’t in pain, he just felt like his body wasn’t his. And that was uncomfortable. Sure enough, he started burping like Pidge, and it was in fact a disgusting experience.

Shortly after the fuzziness went away and the ringing in his ears subsided, Shiro came into the room with trays of food. “How are you guys feeling?”

“Fine,” Keith said through a burp.

“Food,” Pidge said.

Shiro set one tray down for her and she started eating quickly. “The Fenwurs said the components of their drink might have some leftover effects on you because you’re humans.”

“Wish they’d said that when they gave us the drink,” Keith muttered.

Shiro didn’t smile at that, and Keith wondered if he was really about to get lectured on drinking. He and Shiro both knew it wasn’t the first time Keith drank, and frankly this time it wasn’t even his fault. Still, the look Shiro was giving him made Keith want to hide. He hated when Shiro looked disappointed.

“What do you remember from last night?” he asked Keith. Keith shrugged. “I need you to think, Keith.” His voice was low, so Pidge wouldn’t hear, but she was quite enraptured by her food.

Keith frowned and sighed. “I don’t remember. I remember getting dizzy and… talking to some of the Fenwurs. I… think Lance yelled at me.” Keith felt his stomach twist. That’s right. “He told me to leave him alone.”

“Do you remember why?”

Keith groaned and ran his hand through his hair. “What does it matter? He’s never been particularly fond of me, so big deal.”

It wasn’t the answer Shiro wanted. He pursed his lips and shook his head. He stood up and started to leave, turning back when he reached the door. “When you guys feel better, feel free to come out to the common area.” Then he left.

Pidge finished eating and promptly fell back asleep. Keith on the other hand didn’t like how he felt and didn’t feel comfortable enough to fall asleep, so he figured he may as well go train. Maybe then he’d feel like his body was his again.

And it sort of worked. He had something else to focus on, but his movements were a little slower, mostly because of the fact that his limbs were still shaking off the residual results of the drink. His hands started shaking after a while of exerting himself, so he stopped the routine and decided to see if maybe now he was tired enough to go to bed.

He was tired, but he wasn’t sleepy. So he ended up walking around as usual, and kept walking until it was dinnertime. When he got there, he realized it was the first time he’d see Lance since his drunk moments, and he didn’t like the guilt that he felt. It was possibly more that guilt than his pride that kept Keith from talking to him at all. He answered Shiro and Allura, he commented on Hunk and Pidge’s stories, conversed with Coran. But he kept quiet when Lance spoke. Refused to answer the indirects Lance made at him even when the silence stretched into awkwardness.

It was what Lance wanted wasn’t it? To be left alone. For Keith to leave him alone.

The thing that sucked more was that not talking to Lance was actually proving easier in the sense of Keith’s feelings. It was easier to ignore what he felt for Lance if he wasn’t talking to him, or even looking at him. The fact he had to do that at all sucked, but…. At least until they got to Earth, what was the harm?

That night, Keith felt restless, so he started walking around the ship again, hoping to not think too much about what exactly he’d done the night before or how shitty it felt that he wasn’t talking to Lance, and how shitty it felt that it was easy not to talk to him. He tried to think instead of how long it would take to get to Earth and wondering how to set up defenses for the entire Earth if Pidge’s dad hadn’t taken care of that yet.

And of course, eventually, his mind drifted to Shiro and how one arm was gone. Because of Keith. And even though they all knew Shiro didn’t have an arm, it hurt Keith to him actually without it. Without a prosthetic. Without being able to move it, especially when he saw the confused agitation in Shiro’s eyes when he tried to move his stub only to remember there was nothing there anymore.

Keith felt guilty, and he was feeling guilty about a lot of things now. It was swallowing him up, it was suffocating.

“Keith.” The voice made him panic. He wanted to run, to ignore it. He wanted to get away from Lance. Instead, he froze. He froze and stood there with his eyes wide on the floor, his heart beating so fast it made him dizzy.

Lance put a hand on his shoulder to turn him around which made Keith gasp a little too loudly. “What the hell is going on with you?” Lance demanded. Keith stared up at him, figuring that if he couldn’t get away from him, he could at least stand his ground and refuse to talk. “What, you go from trying to make me feel better one night to making fun of me the next?”

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, stepping back as the memories fought their way to the forefront of his mind. Fenwurs giggling around him as Keith blathered on and on about the way Lance flirted, or the way he talked about Allura, or the way he talked himself up. Lance stepped forward with each step Keith took back; he wasn’t going to let Keith go until he had his answers. But Keith didn’t have them.

“Then I figure, okay he was drunk, maybe he’ll apologize!” Lance snapped, his face full of disbelief and frustration. “But no, you wake up and you pretend I don’t exist! Like I was the one making fun of you in front of an entire planet!”

“You do make fun of me!” Keith blurted, latching on to the first thing that would maybe excuse him.

But Lance scowled and crossed his arms, getting impossibly nearer, and it was making Keith nervous. “Yeah. And I direct it to you. Around friends. Not in front of strangers, and not to hurt your feelings.”

Keith scoffed. “Hurt your feelings?”

“Yes, Keith!” Keith’s eyes widened and he held his breath as he stared at Lance. “Yes, it hurt my feelings. Because I thought we were getting closer, I thought…. I thought things were different now. But you made me a joke. I just-” Lance shut his eyes, and when they opened, they were angry, narrowed. Keith hated how cold those beautiful eyes had become. “Tell me why. Why did you do that to me? Why am I such a joke to you?”

Keith gulped and looked between his eyes and tried to make absolute sure he didn’t even glance at his lips. He was so, so close.

Keith didn’t like talking. It would be easier to just lean down and kiss him and let that speak for him. But it would hurt too much when he was pushed away. He didn’t want to kiss Lance against his will.

“Keith?” Lance’s eyebrows were furrowed in uncertain confusion, and Keith realized that the entire time he was thinking about the pros and cons of what kissing him or not kissing him would entail, he had been staring very obviously down at his lips.

Keith clenched his jaw and looked away, shaking his head. “I can’t.”

“You-you can’t?” Lance repeated incredulously. “What the hell does that mean?”

Keith looked at him, straight in the eyes. “I can’t tell you. I don’t know how, and I don’t want to. Just take it all as a compliment and get over it.” Keith shoved past him and made a beeline for his room.

***

Lance hadn’t tried to corner him after that night. In fact, he stayed out of his way. He was quieter and when he was at lunch or dinner, he always looked lost in thought. His eyes would meet Keith’s and they’d both look away immediately like the meeting of their eyes had physically hurt them.

The others talked to Lance to see if he was okay. Keith saw them interact with Lance, and they did just fine. They seemed to have no trouble getting him to smile, to talk. Especially Allura. Lance was nothing but smiles with her.

Keith had no idea how Allura didn’t feel like the luckiest person alive with the way Lance smiled at her. He couldn’t understand how she had fallen for Lotor, the perfect storybook bad guy, but had never even given Lance a chance. Lance who did everything to make her smile, who worked hard every day to get better, who looked at her like she was everything he could ever want. And Keith supposed she was exactly that.

It made him ridiculously jealous and that much more bitter, even if it wasn’t his place. He could handle Allura on her own, and Lance wasn’t talking to him anyway, but seeing them both together always made Keith have to leave the room and be on his own.

It was juvenile, especially in the midst of the war, but… it hurt too much. Somehow it hurt more that they weren’t even together. She was just what Lance wanted, and a reminder that what Lance wanted wasn’t Keith.

One night, after the others had taken to playing games to pass the time and they were all laughing to the point where even Keith had to laugh as an onlooker only to feel a twist in his gut because the guilt insisted he didn’t deserve to laugh with them, he decided to look out at the stars where Lance had been about a week or two before. He sat there and thought of the paladins’ laughter as they played rounds of freeze tag and never have I ever and rock paper scissors. He thought of how wonderful it looked for Lance to be happy. It made Keith happy.

And it made him sad too. Because Keith knew he had no idea how to be someone to make Lance happy. He just knew how to horribly misconstrue his feelings until they came off as hate rather than… whatever it was Keith felt.

He sat there, staring at the stars, wondering how he could possibly fix things, when he heard the light footsteps of someone passing by. Except instead of leaving, the footsteps, the presence, got closer and the person sat down beside him. Lance.

He didn’t talk. Neither of them did. They sat there staring at the stars for a long time before Lance even moved. He only moved to look over at Keith. It terrified him, but Keith eventually mirrored him. Again, they didn’t talk. Just sat there, staring at each other.

After a while, once Keith had taken to simply admiring his features in the starlight instead of panicking and waiting for a fight, Lance spoke.

“I think I figured some stuff out. I don’t know if it’s all right, but… I’m gonna need you to talk to me too so I know if I’m right.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows and shifted his legs to keep them from falling asleep. “Can we do that? Just talk?”

Keith shrugged. “Sure.”

“You have to be honest. Like totally honest. This is just sleepover 101.” Keith frowned and looked at Lance. He was joking with Keith? “I’ll be completely, totally honest if you are.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Keith whispered.

Lance turned his body toward him. “See, you’re already doing it!” He said it so proudly, Keith couldn’t help but smile. Then he erased the smile because he didn’t want Lance to be able to make him smile. Lance waited a moment before his voice got soft again and it made Keith melt a little. “Why don’t you think it’s a good idea to be honest?”

“Because… that’s putting a lot on the line,” he said.

“Our friendship is already on the line.”

Keith didn’t say anything to that. Lance was right. Whether Keith told him the truth or just let it die a secret, their friendship was now very much on the line thanks to Tekiscky. Besides, he didn’t think Lance would be so horrible as to hold his feelings against him. Maybe they could still figure out how to be friends in spite of them.

Keith didn’t have much to lose anymore.

He kept his body facing the stars because it was easier than facing Lance. “I actually think your one-liners are cute.” He gulped and kept his eyes steady on a series of stars twinkling in multiple colors. “And how you’re so confident about who you want to be. When I was making fun of you… it was supposed to be more of a compliment. But I was mad and I was all messy in my head because of the drink and I… just spoke.”

“Why were you mad…?”

Keith clenched his jaw and curled his fingers. “That Fenwur was all giggly with you and… it just bugged me.” Keith took a deep breath and gulped. “Guess I got jealous.”

Lance didn’t say anything, and Keith was too scared to look at him. Here he was confessing his sexuality and his feelings to the person they pertained to. It was horrifying.

“D-do you… like me?” Lance asked softly. Keith felt his breaths stop, he couldn’t even swallow. His entire body was hot and he was… he was scared. “Keith.” Lance touched his hand and Keith gasped, flinching away from the touch. “Keith, you don’t have to be scared of me,” Lance said, reaching out, but not touching him. “Talk to me.”

Keith’s breaths were short and shallow. He slowly turned to look at Lance who was looking at him with pretty blue eyes that sparkled with the reflection of stars. He was so beautiful it wasn’t fair.

“I kind of hate you,” Keith croaked. Lance flinched and pulled his hand back. “Because it’s so easy for you to talk. Because you… you made it so easy to fall for you. But I know you don’t like me, and that’s okay! That’s fine. It just… also sucks.” He scowled and put his chin on his knees. “I really wish Allura liked you as much as you like her because you deserve that. And even though it’d hurt, you’d be happy. I’m so sorry I made fun of you and stopped talking to you and… I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how to keep myself from telling you everything. I didn’t want to tell you, I didn’t want you to feel weird. I didn’t want us to be weird.”

“How old were you?” Keith frowned and looked over at Lance. He’d laid himself bare, had let all this truth spill, and Lance… asked a random question? “When you knew you liked guys?”

“Uh. I don’t know. Twelve, I think? Wh-why?”

Lance stared at Keith and took a deep breath that made his shoulders rise and let it out on a trill. “Was it scary? Figuring it out?”

“Um. Not really. I just… it was just something I noticed. I wasn’t really one for friends, and I didn’t have family until Shiro took me in, so…. There wasn’t anyone to tell. When I was with Shiro, he would ask if anyone caught my eyes, but I wasn’t looking for anyone. I just figured it was also fine because Shiro was with his partner, so….”

“Hm. Adam, right?” Keith nodded. “I don’t think I ever really saw it as… an option. The concept… it was cool, and I was happy for people. I thought Shiro was really brave, being the best of the best and happy with Adam. But it wasn’t….” Lance shrugged. “It’s different from liking girls. People can say it’s not, but it is. You gotta fight through all that surface crap that makes you pass it off as envy or admiration or annoyance before you realize… hey, I might… like him.” Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m just saying… it’s easy to know when I like a girl, it’s not scary to notice or admit or act on. With a guy… I’ve always tried to play it off. Claiming I wanted to be the guy not be with him. Claiming I just wished I looked like him. Or saying I just thought the guy was an asshole. Or… saying he’s my number one rival.”

Keith’s head jerked up in shock and he stared at Lance in utter shock. “What?”

Lance took another deep breath. “I was angry with you when you left. I was kind of angry when you came back. God, you just pranced back in like nothing mattered! Like it wasn’t a big difference to be with you, then without you, and now with you again. And I…. I missed you. A lot. I figured it was because we’re friends, or we were starting to be. But then… you came to talk to me, and you were so nice and… I got butterflies. And yeah, I get that with Allura, but there was no dancing around it this time. No way to pass it off as hunger or exhaustion or nervousness for a battle. Just you looking at me and me… wanting you to look at me like that all the time.”

“You’re… you’re saying…. You’re saying you like me?” Keith stammered incredulously.

Lance laughed and groaned, putting his face in his hands for a moment before he looked up at Keith again. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. And it just took a while to know for sure because I kept trying to think it was something else. Then you went and made fun of me and it hurt way more than I wanted it to. And then you stopped talking to me and I would see you, and… it hurt so much.”

Keith looked away ashamedly and wished he had never taken that stupid drink. “Then why are you talking to me now?”

Lance smiled and reached for his hand again. This time, Keith let him. It made a million bolts of electricity course through his body, and he wished he could lace their fingers together instead of just having Lance’s rest on his. “Your reaction the other day. When I tried talking to you. It kind of clued me in. So I thought about it, and then I came to terms with myself. And I figured we should talk about it.”

Keith stared at Lance and looked down at their hands. “But you like Allura.”

“Yeah. I did. I think… I clung onto that a little longer than I should’ve because that made sense. But I’ve been thinking these last few days and….” He shrugged. “I think I accepted my place as Allura’s friend a long time ago. I’m not… I’m not saying you and me should date right now or anything. I just… want you to know that I like you too. And I don’t like how much you’ve been staying away.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t- It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with you, I just… these feelings are so much, and they’re so confusing, that I- it was easier to just stay away, and…. Fuck. I’m so sorry for the things I said on that planet, Lance. I… I promise you, you’re not a joke to me. Not at all. I don’t know how to even start apologizing for all of-”

Lance laughed and cut him off by threading his fingers with Keith’s. “How about I just take it as a compliment now that I know why you were acting so weird? Can’t resist the McClain charm.” Keith snorted and rolled his eyes, but he smiled at Lance. “And we can start over…. Yeah?”

“That would be nice,” Keith whispered. “So… to be clear- I like you and… you like me… romantically?”

Lance nodded, smiling playfully with eyes that made Keith feel like he was swimming in the stars. His eyes were so… so gorgeously blue. Keith couldn’t remember the last time he saw an ocean, but he thought Lance’s eyes were pretty close.

“So what now?” he whispered.

Lance shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

Keith bit his lip and shifted to face Lance. “Can I… try something?” He let go of his lip and let his eyes flicker down to Lance’s, leaving no room for confusion.

Lance chuckled nervously. “Um…. Yeah. But… I’ve never… kissed a guy before.”

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” Keith admitted. “So I might be bad at it.”

Lance smiled and shook his head almost imperceptibly. Keith shifted forward, hesitant. Lance’s ocean blue eyes skimmed his face, and he slowly tilted his chin forward. Keith could feel Lance’s breaths on his lips, shaky and hot. Keith licked his lips, then felt Lance’s nose bump with his own gently.

They smiled nervously, and then finally, they closed the space. It was electrifying to feel Lance’s lips on his own. They were soft, warm, and gentle. Keith pulled back slightly and smiled when he saw Lance smiling. He smiled wider when Lance’s hand went up to his cheek, the one with a scar, and he leaned in again, their lips brushing teasingly before coming together again. Lance’s lips parted only slightly, enough to capture Keith’s bottom lip between his own and press a little harder against him.

Keith burst into laughter and nudged his nose against Lance, reminded himself he could run his hand through his hair now, so he did. “This is strange, isn’t it?” Keith said against his lips. “Kissing you. You kissing me.”

“A little. Can I try something else?” Lance asked. Keith nodded, and Lance’s tongue darted out to swipe along Keith’s lip, taking Keith by surprise. “It’s been a while, but… trust me, yeah?”

Keith gulped and leaned into him. Lance kissed him as he had before but this time, Keith felt when Lance parted his lips and his tongue tried to get between Keith’s own. Taking the cue, Keith parted his lip and took a sharp breath when he felt Lance’s tongue slip into his mouth. His heartbeat was pounding like crazy in his ears.

“You okay?” Lance asked nervously, pulling back at the gasp Keith made. Keith nodded and leaned back in, trying to mirror Lance in his kiss. Lance chuckled and tilted Keith’s face with his hand. “Relax. Don’t be so stiff. We can take it easy.” Keith nodded and shut his eyes, feeling Lance’s teeth bit his lip, followed by a swipe of his tongue, and then the tug of Lance sucking gently before letting go and dipping back into Keith’s mouth.

Keith moaned and let his own tongue roam, tasting Lance’s mouth, and trying the same thing with his lip. He bit and tugged lightly, and Lance hummed against him. Keith buried his hands in his hair and tilted his head the other way to kiss him more, to kiss him better.

He wasn’t sure if he was any good at this. But he liked how Lance felt, how Lance tasted. And Lance seemed to be enjoying it just as much, his fingers digging into the nape of his neck to bring him in.

When they finally broke apart, Keith looked at Lance, pleased to see how cloudy his eyes were. “You’re a fast learner, Samurai.” Keith chuckled and bit his lip, looking at the stars. “Hey. Do you think… when all of this war is over, and everything’s calm on Earth… do you want to go on a date with me?”

Keith’s eyes widened. “A date?” Lance nodded. “Y-yeah. Yeah, that’d be nice….” His smile fell a bit. “What do we do until then?” He didn’t want to just kiss Lance for fun at night, but remain friends that had a date in the future. But he didn’t think he could manage not being able to kiss Lance after having finally done it.

Lance kissed his cheek, which took Keith by surprise. He turned his head to look at him and felt his heart melt at the little smile on his face. “I… Well… do you… want to…?”

Keith raised his eyebrows and waited, filled with endearment as Lance turned redder by the second. “Be your boyfriend?”

Lance gulped and smiled sheepishly. “I might be bad at it. But yeah.”

Keith smiled and wondered if this was real. This gorgeous, wonderful, incredible guy… liked him back! And he wanted to take him on dates and be his boyfriend and… hold his hand and kiss him. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. “I would. Very much. I’m assuming you’d want to be mine?” Lance nodded, smiling dorkily. “Could you kiss me again?”

Lance’s smiled that gorgeous smile and leaned into Keith again, making every worry and fear melt away between petal-soft lips and gentle hands.