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Caduceus Clay looks at the saddened faces of his new companions as they stare at the coat on the grave. They have a myriad of expressions going on as each of them went up to say their final goodbyes. He had seen this happen far too many times, and yet each time it still managed to rekindle a small ache in his chest to help them with this event .
Maybe this is why he felt so at home at the temple.
He steps up, much to their surprise, and casts Decomposition, weaving a bit of flowers into the grave. His own little offering to the dearly departed. The blue one (Jester? He still has to get used to the names) claps her hands over her face as a wave of fresh tears spurted. He felt a small tug from below and looked down to see Nott.
“It’s what he would’ve wanted.... Thank you,” her big yellow eyes sometimes portrayed such wisdom that surprised him.
He nods and with a smile says, “You’re welcome.”
They move on.
He starts seeing the first signs of it with the tall and grey one.
He didn’t interact much with Yasha (or is it Pasha? Masha? No he’s fairly certain it’s with a Y), mostly due to the fact that she was quiet after the initial roar she let out in front of the grave.
So, when he sees her gone, he was a bit surprised. He decided not to inquire about it when the others did not seem so stunned about it. It must be a somewhat normal thing then.
He spots Beauregard looking at the distance. She seemed to be holding... a flower?
“Good morning,” he says softly. He hears a small grunt in acknowledgement, but she didn’t turn to look at him.
“You do know that the sunrise is the other way, right?” He comments. Beau snorts this time.
“Yeah... yeah I know,” she looks down and twirls the flower in her hand. Looking at it more closely, Caduceus notices that it looks pressed.
“I take it that’s from your missing friend?”
Beau does a small upturn quirk of her lips, “Sort of... she does that sometimes, you know? We learned that from... from before.”
She looks back up at the distance in the direction Caduceus guesses Yasha must’ve disappeared to.
There was a small pause and she spoke in a soft voice that even to Caduceus, who had not known her for long, seemed out of character for her, “I hope she’ll be back.”
Caduceus studies her for a moment, “Sometimes people need to stay away to fully process grief. But I’ve seen the way she cares about all of you and how all of you care about her. She’ll be back,” he assures.
“Yeah...” Beau pockets the flower.
Caduceus studies her a bit more.
“I don’t want to insinuate anything... but are you two...?” He makes a gesture with his hands and Beau lets out a brief bark of laughter.
“ Ha . No, not really. I wish, right?” She nudges him lightly on the shoulder and then the grin falls into something a bit more fond, “But she is a friend.”
Caduceus nods... and then rubs his shoulder.
Ow.
He is not surprised when he notices that the next obvious signs come from Beau.
As the Mighty Nein (a name he still doesn’t get... aren’t they supposed to have more companions then?) get back into their routine mercenary work, he starts noticing more and more the holes left behind by their recently departed friend. Holes that he knows cannot easily be filled, if not at all.
Beauregard, being who she is, provided to be the most noticeable example of all of them.
It starts with her comments about girls and fights or whenever she loudly proclaims that she ‘absolutely meant’ to do something the way that it happened. Each time that it happens, Caduceus spots the trademark rolling of eyes of both Caleb and Fjord, an unnecessary reassurance or comment from Jester and a small snarky one from Nott. Each time that it happens, there’s a small beat before Beau looks at them again, as if she were waiting for one more thing, where she frowns a bit as if confused and then morphs it back into her usual expression.
Caduceus starts noticing that the more and more that this happens, the longer the frown seems to last. He doesn’t pry though, he wouldn’t want to delve into personal business... until one day that they’re drinking tea together as everybody is setting up for camp.
Beau seems to be staring at her cup instead of drinking it, deep in thought.
“Is there something wrong with the tea?”
She seems startled by his question, her eyes widen as she turns to look at him before shaking her head furiously.
“No, no, this is great,” Caduceus decides not to mention that her flat tone does not exactly set the phrase as a compliment, but he understands her better now.
He looks at her expectantly before she pouts at him and sighs.
“I just... do you ever feel like there’s something in your life so small, but that later when it’s taken away you realize... how used you’ve gotten to it?”
Caduceus nods, “Yes. There was once a time where a squirrel used to come visit me in the Grove until he didn’t. I didn’t do much with him except put out some food but after he didn’t I started to realize how much of my routine revolved around interacting with him.”
Beau stares at him, “A squirrel? What- You know, I’ll ask later.”
She bites her lip as if considering something, “But yeah I guess... I had my own version of a squirrel. A pretty colorful and annoying fucking squirrel.”
She laughs dryly and Caduceus decides to ignore the fact that tears had sprung in her eyes as she rubs at them intensely. He delicately hands her a napkin and she takes it without looking at him and dabs her eyes.
He had a pretty good idea what this was about.
He doesn’t press her, not wanting to force her to open up, and after a small time Beau speaks again, “It wasn’t like... it wasn’t like we were family. I think it was a little too early for that. But if I ever had a brother... He would- he would’ve been a lot like one.”
Caduceus doesn’t say anything, but pours her another cup of tea. She takes it in gratitude and sips it as tears come pouring out of her face silently.
He pats her gently on the shoulder and she grabs his hand in a death grip. (Also ow.) He felt that she needed her own time to process her grief.
After that he notices that she still makes a small pause after her comments, but she doesn’t frown anymore.
Jester was the next one.
The first few weeks that they had been traveling together, she only smiled briefly, and giggled even less. Caduceus was not surprised because of the amount of suffering and torture she had to go through.
Eventually though, a smile seemed to creep back into her face. It was big enough that he almost didn’t notice the signs until they were knee deep in the Menagerie Coast.
At that point, they had been interacting with a handful of tieflings, some of which spoke no Common, only Infernal. Jester, of course, had gladly accepted being the group’s translator. (Although whether or not her translations were completely accurate was still up for debate based on her giggles.)
The Mighty Nein had been sitting at a pub and Beau was eagerly wooing the barmaid... until she spills some of her drink in her excitement. This, of course, had caused Jester to explode in a fit of giggles, the vibrations causing Caduceus to smile as he sat beside her.
He honestly wouldn’t have caught it had he not been hearing the language on almost a regular basis on this side of the world, but for a short bit, and without Jester noticing it, she slips a bit into Infernal and then turns to look a her side expectantly.
Caduceus notices the shift on her face first before noticing what she actually did and, before he could put out a hand to stop her, her smile wobbles and she quickly excuses herself to her room.
After a bit, Caduceus knocks on her door with a fresh pot of tea.
He hears Jester’s shaky voice answer, “Yes?”
“It’s Caduceus, would you mind sharing a bit of tea with me? The others have gotten far too drunk downstairs to appreciate it,” he says gently, making sure his tone conveyed that it would be fine if she declined his offer.
He didn’t hear her answer, but he heard her shuffling footsteps. The door opened to reveal a slightly sniffling Jester. She gave a brief motion with her head to follow him and quickly started setting up a table and two chairs.
He starts preparing the tea as she sits silently on one of the chairs, still sniffling every once in a while. Once he’s done, he hands her a teacup and sits down.
They both sip it quietly, he feels Jester’s sadness in waves but he also feels her gratitude in his companionship. She starts speaking after a moment.
“I thought, for the longest time, that there wouldn’t be many other tieflings outside of Nicodranis. The first few weeks of traveling, it’s what I found to be true. I had heard stories of them being further up north, but that seemed so far away at the time that I wasn’t sure...”
She whips up a box of pastries out of nowhere and offers some to Caduceus, who took it with a small smile. She starts nibbling on one.
“Molly was the first one I saw after a looong while. And he had such a nice skin color on him too! I didn’t notice but I was very happy and relieved when I first met him.”
She gives a small smile and turns to look at the window, “He aaaalways gave the best tips. Horns are not easy to manage at all! And the jewelry? Ugh, so hard to pick sometimes so it doesn’t clash with your skin or eyes or to see if it actually stays on your horns.”
She gives another small smile and turns towards Caduceus, gently stirring her tea.
“He sounds like a very stylish individual,” he comments, recalling the coat he had seen on the post.
“Oh he was fabulous ,” Jester said with a grin. “I think he had the best style of us all! Although I think Caleb and Beau would cringe if they ever let him dress them up!”
Caduceus chuckles at that image.
Her smile vanishes a bit, “I didn’t realize how much I missed talking in Infernal. Fjord doesn’t understand it, and he’s the one I’ve spent the most time with. So when Molly first showed up and I muttered something under my breath for the first time, he laughed. And I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”
Tears start flowing down her cheeks, “Or how much I miss it now.”
Caduceus lets his teacup down and moves over to Jester. He opens his arms and she immediately falls to the embrace. She starts weeping openly as he gently strokes her back.
“You could always teach us some,” he said after a beat.
Jester looks up to him, slightly bewildered, before turning her head as if considering it. Then she giggles a bit.
“Caleb would have the funniest accent.”
Caduceus chuckles, “Yeah I bet he would.”
Later on, Jester proceeded to teach everyone select words every now and again. Somehow Caduceus wasn’t surprised that none of them knew the same words with the exception of the word ‘dick’.
Nott is far less obvious about it. The goblin had a certain strength about her and, despite her age, can sometimes be even wiser than the best of them.
He does, however, start noticing something funny when she brings back loot that includes jewelry for the first time.
After a brief mission from the Gentleman, they actually stumbled upon a small bit of jewels. Jester immediately claimed some and Beau begrudgingly grabbed a small green arm bracelet while trying to be sneaky about it. (Caduceus decided to pretend not to notice that she did so. He locked eyes with Caleb who appeared to do the same and they nod at each other in understanding.)
From the distance, he hears Nott do a small triumphant yell and turns around to see her holding this exceedingly gaudy shiny silver bracelet. He could hear Caleb’s wince from afar.
“I don’t know about you guys but this is mine,” holding the bracelet as some kind of trophy.
There is a small silent beat before she opens her eyes and looks at all of them as if making sure that everybody had heard her. Caduceus sees a small blip of... something before her face morphs back into a neutral one.
“Understand? It’s mine.”
Caleb is the one to break the silence, “ Schatz , I don’t think anyone other than you wants the bracelet.”
There are some chuckles around but when Caduceus looks at Nott once more he notices that she looks perplexed, as if she had been expecting somebody to fight her for it.
It happens again at another mission. And then again at another cave.
He finds her one day during camp staring at her collection in confusion.
“Is there something wrong?”
Nott startles a bit, hand leaning down to her crossbow in reaction before realizing it was her companion, and she sighs afterwards.
“I don’t get it,” she mutters.
Caduceus sits down beside her, pouring and handing her a cup of tea that she instinctively takes and spikes with her flask without looking at it.
“You don’t get what?”
“I don’t get why I’m so defensive about these items. It’s like... I know that they don’t suit anybody’s style. So I don’t know why I always have to make sure to-“ she stops for a second as her eyes widen in realization.
She looks down to the rings she had been currently fidgeting with and Caduceus suddenly comes to a realization as well. If he recalls correctly, she has owned those rings since she’s known her.
“ Oh .” The small voice that she says this with makes Caduceus’s heart ache. It’s true that she can be wise, but she is also still very young.
She downs the tea in one gulp and sighs. She doesn’t cry, but Caduceus is not surprised about this at all. He figures she’s cried enough about similar things.
He leans over and pats her head. She flinches at first, but then gradually leans into it.
“Based on what you tell me, I bet he would love the fact that you wear these things in his place.”
She smiles.
The next time that they get loot, she doesn’t ask, she simply struts out wearing a golden crown and Caduceus can’t help but be slightly proud of her.
Fjord is a tricky one to read.
He’s very charming and his general steady presence makes you want to rely on him almost immediately. Caduceus can see why Caleb almost immediately lets him take back the reins as the ‘leader’.
Although, Caduceus doesn’t feel he starts to really get to know him until they start rooming together.
“You don’t really have anything you do before you go to bed, do you?” He asks after a few times this has occurred.
Caduceus looks at him for a second, “What do you mean by that?”
Fjord pauses and then seems to reconsider, “Never mind. Forget I mentioned it. Goodnight, Caduceus.”
Caduceus decides not to mention the fact that Fjord appears to have trouble sleeping that night. But then it happens again. And again. And again.
After the fourth or fifth time that this happens when they room together, Caduceus decides to voice his concerns. “Are you having trouble sleeping?”
Fjord seems surprised by the question, “... I haven’t been having those weird saltwater dreams the others have been telling you about.”
“Those weird what ?”
Fjord sighs, “Never mind. Maybe I just got something on my mind. I’ll figure it out.”
It happens again. And again. A brief idea dawns on Caduceus after the seventh time.
“Did your friend used to do a routine before he slept?” He asked the question out of the blue one night, which is probably why Fjord seemed startled.
“Well, he had these swords and he used to pray over them... he also had a frankly ridiculous amount of jewelry that he had to take off.”
Caduceus nods, “Ahh... do you perchance think you’ll sleep better if I take longer?”
“Oh no!” Fjord looked almost alarmed that he would consider it, “It was loud and distracting when trying to go to sleep and...”
A brief something passes over his face before he masked it once again, “... Never mind. You don’t really have to do that. I’m fine, I assure you.”
It’s not fine. It happens again. And again.
Caduceus decides it's time to bring the real deal: he talks to Jester.
“Ahhh, yes Molly did do that...Fjord used to complain about it a lot,” she said once he mentions the issue to her.
“Do you think you can maybe talk to him about what’s wrong?” Caduceus asks.
Jester mulls it over, “Yeah, he is getting crankier the less sleep he’s getting. It’s not suuuper noticeable but he’s been snappier than usual to Beau. And there’s a little bit more tension than usual with Caleb.”
She leans in to whisper to him, “I think they got into another argument again.”
Caduceus couldn’t help smile at the fact that she acted as if it were a big secret. She leans back with her hands on her hips.
“I’ll talk to him!”
Caduceus later spots them heading to a small clearing during camp. Not too far away and always in sight. He feels that the Shepherds didn’t just steal away something valuable, but also a sense of security during camp.
After that it stops happening for a little while, until it happens again. And with that Caduceus decides it's time for him to step in.
Fjord walks in one day to Caduceus pouring himself a cup of tea and sitting on his bed. He raises an eyebrow at it but doesn’t say anything until he was sitting on his bed.
“Is that going to take long?” He asks.
Caduceus smiles at him, “Well I personally like sipping my tea instead of just drinking it. Would you care for some? These new leaves are amazing!”
Fjord considers it before shrugging and extending his hand. Caduceus couldn’t help grinning as he handed him a cup.
After that, Fjord said nothing whenever Caduceus brought tea, just as Caduceus said nothing when Fjord actually slept well after they started doing this.
They were well into a month into them doing this when Fjord actually acknowledges it.
“Hey Caduceus?”
“Yes?”
“... Thank you.”
Caduceus smiles and sips his tea.
Caleb was easily the hardest one for Caduceus to notice any change. The wizard is an expert in hiding his own feelings, whether from himself or for others Caduceus isn’t quite sure.
He also seems to wear despair like a coat. Caduceus wasn’t sure how to tackle the puzzle that was Caleb in a way that wouldn’t make the wizard clam up. And so, he let it be for a bit.
It started when Caduceus notices the small things, like his gestures. One time they were in the main market area of Zadash and Nott had scampered off with Jester, leaving the rest of them to rummage around the market.
There was a point where Caleb seemed to spot something and then start to cast a spell before stopping midway. He seemed confused about something, as he frowned at the distance and then seemed to retreat into a side street to cast his spell. It seemed to Caduceus that he had been expecting something to happen as he cast the spell, and then it didn’t. But to be fair this didn’t really raise any bells in his head, so he let the matter drop.
He notices something similar during a battle one time when they’re fighting these nasty trolls.
Usually Beau manages to keep Caleb safeguarded in case he got too close to the action, but she moved after seeing that Jester was having some trouble with her own target.
Unfortunately, Caduceus notices the enemy too late for him to stop it from attacking Caleb who turned around in surprise as the club slammed into his shoulder, but not before he safely reduced the damage with his Shield.
Caduceus couldn’t not think about the surprised and flummoxed face that Caleb had made before the attack... almost as if he had expected somebody else to have his back at the moment and then he unconsciously clutched at something around his neck.
Sometime later, when something similar happens, Caduceus decides to ask him about it.
“What is that necklace you have around your neck?” He asks him as he hands him a cup of tea.
He had never seen Caleb lose color in his face so fast as he looked almost panicked at the question, “ Was ?”
An interesting reaction... “The heart shaped one?” Caduceus clarifies.
The man blinked and then almost seemed to relax at the clarification. Caduceus frowned a bit, but he assumed that was a question for another day.
“Oh... well it is... a gift of some sorts I guess,” Caleb says after taking a brief sip of tea. He seemed to be trying to find words to explain it.
Caduceus gives him a long stare and raises an eyebrow, “A lover perhaps?”
Caleb almost spits out his tea as he turned bright, bright red, almost matching his hair. Caduceus his his smile behind his teacup to spare Caleb the embarrassment that he was amused to his reaction.
“ What ? Um- no that’s no- no . NO. This is- um,” Caleb ran a hand through his face as he sighed. His hand gingerly clasped the necklace to show it to Caduceus.
“Mollymauk used to wear this.”
“Oh?”
“ Ja . Beauregard seemed to think that it would suit me the most since... well let’s face it, I’m the squishiest one around here.”
Caduceus chuckles lightly, “This is true.”
“ Ja . Well... I can’t really opt for a design preference so...” and then he gestures towards the heart that seemed so out of place in his usual outfit.
Caduceus thought for a second, “You know, it’s almost as if he’s protecting you through it.”
Caleb blinks again as if considering his words before looking at the distance and taking another sip of his tea, “I suppose he is... it’s funny. I didn’t use to notice it before.”
“Notice what before?” Caduceus asks.
“That he used to do that a lot . He used to pester me about finding magic items and then finding some overwhelmingly ridiculous way to distract others about it,” there was an unconscious gentle smile in Caleb’s face, but Caduceus felt that if he commented on it that it would disappear instantly.
“He also used to get too close to danger for my sake... for all our sakes really. He was an idiot.”
His smile vanishes as quick as it came and Caduceus almost found that he got a glimpse of what the man could be before settling back into his coat of sadness.
“Well, I guess we’re all kind of idiots. Maybe that’s why we’re still together,” he finishes with another sip of his tea.
Caduceus takes a long look at him as they drink their tea in silence and for the first time since meeting him puts a little note in his head to watch the wizard. He seemed to be carrying too many ghosts on his shoulders.
After months and months of travel, Yasha manages to come back. The group is ecstatic .
They decide to break out some wine from Beau’s family caskets that they had been saving for a special location and they relax a bit into the night. Caduceus doesn’t really get a chance to speak with her until the next morning when he sees her at camp while he’s making breakfast. The rest of the group come out in different states of hungover and they all wordlessly take the offered tea that Caduceus hands to each one of them.
Yasha doesn’t do so. And he’s slightly surprised that he didn’t see her come out of a tent. He spots her looking at the sunrise in the distance.
“Here you go,” he says as he hands her a teacup.
She looks surprised at the gesture, and then gently takes the cup as if she were afraid she would break it.
“Thank you... you’re Caduceus, right? I think I’ve only met you once before...” she trails off slightly awkwardly, as if she suddenly remembered the reason why they didn’t interact much. Then, her expression seemed somber.
Caduceus takes note of her. She used to seem like such an imposing figure when they had initially found her and right now she was hunched over the teacup. He couldn’t help but notice that she seemed skinnier than when he originally met her and that her eyes seemed to have an even darker rim by lack of sleep.
He sits down beside her instead of going by his duty to serve the others breakfast, making a small gesture to Beau who seemed to pass by supposedly unnoticed. He sips his tea.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” he says after a beat. He felt like out of all of them, she was probably the one affected the most.
There was a slight stiffening of her limbs before she slumped forward again. It was as if she had recalled for a brief moment the anger and sadness that she had felt in the instance she found out and then looked simply tired of it all.
“Me too,” she said softly.
Caduceus looked to the sunset once more, “You know we visited him again a little while ago. We had a mission at the Run so we stopped by. The coat still is there, thank the gods. And I stopped to make some fresh flowers grow again.”
He reaches into his pack at his side, where he usually keeps his tea leaves and then grabs a small parcel. He could tell Yasha was eyeing him curiously so he unravels it to reveal snapdragons.
“These are my personal favorite to grow. And they can flourish well in the area.” He says while handing her the flower, “Beau says you like collecting flowers.”
Yasha looks at it, gingerly takes it and cradles it in her big hands. She gently starts crying as she kisses the snapdragons and reaches to her side to grab a book to place it inside. Caduceus notes that there are many flowers stuck between the pages and makes a note to ask her about it later.
She’s still crying as she holds the book to her chest and Caduceus pretends to keep looking forward to give her her moment. She sniffles and rubs the tears from her eyes.
“I’m not sure what to do anymore,” she said through this. “I can’t kill the one who did this to him. I can’t bring him back . I can’t do anything to fill this hole he left behind.”
She sets the book down and puts her head between her hands, “He’s my best friend. He’s the first one that told me it was ok to be me. He-“
She stops when Caduceus puts his hands around hers and gently takes them away from her face. He squeezes them and still holds them on her lap.
“Some people leave holes in us that can never be filled by others. Nor should you attempt to fill it, like a scar that left a permanent mark in your body. But like all scars, they heal.”
She finally looks up at him and he realizes that she has a rather beautiful set of mismatched eyes.
“ How will it heal?” She whispers.
“With time,” he replies, “It’s not an easy thing to get over. But death is not necessarily a bad thing. It sometimes also comes with a new beginning.”
He gestures towards the rest of the Nein. Nott and Beau were loudly talking over how great the food was with Fjord glaring at them because of their noise. Jester was laughing at his face while Caleb quietly nurses his drink as he reads his latest book addition. Yasha looks at them for a moment.
“He got you a place to come back to. Filled with people that love and worry about you when you’re gone. Not a lot of people have that,” he continues softly.
She cries a little bit harder at that, the tears falling gently on her cheeks. She squeezes his hands though, as if thanking him for talking to her.
They stay like this for a while before joining the rest of the group.
Later, they all end up having a lazy morning as they sip their tea. Caduceus stands up to refill everybody’s cup.
“Hey Yasha,” Nott glances at her nervously, “you’re not leaving soon are you?”
The circle quiets, as if everybody was dreading the answer and then Yasha smiles a little and shakes her head.
“I don’t think so... not for a while at least. I have to make sure to protect the friends I have left.”
She doesn’t even finish her sentence before she has an armful of Jester and Nott with tears in their eyes.
“That’s good. Never leave!” Nott all but yelled at her.
“Yeah Yasha we miss you sooo much when you do!” Jester comments.
Both Fjord and Caleb smile at the scene. Both also seem to refuse to acknowledge the fact that they had tears in their eyes as well.
Caduceus hears a small cry coming from Beau’s direction. And saw that she was trying to hold back tears as well. She was smiling fully, something that Caduceus has never seen in her face since he met her.
He fills the last cup and returns back to his to take a sip... only to find it empty. He looks down in confusion. He could’ve sworn that he filled his up first...
He spots a slight shimmer between the tea leaves and he squints to get a better look at it. He moves some leaves around with his fingers to uncover two little charms: one of a sun and one of a moon laying in the middle.
He raises an eyebrow. Usually he makes sure to fully strain his leaves when making tea. So how did-
A small shiver erupts in his back, almost as if somebody gave a small chuckle beside him, soft and happy and sad all at the same time.
He looks around for the source only to find none and he turns back down at the charms. He smiles. He’s not quite sure why, but he feels as if they were emanating feelings of gratitude and he pockets them for good luck.
He feels like somehow he got some sort of approval to be in this group, like the passing of a torch. Caduceus Clay smiles at the Mighty Nein and he pats the charms in his pocket.
Fear not Mollymauk Tealeaf. Your friends are in good hands with each other, not just with me .
A sense of peace almost seems to overwhelm him and, while the Mighty Nein might never fully heal from losing their most colorful member, they’ll keep moving and leave places better than before.