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It’s a breath of fresh air, not having something as big as a stage show to look forward to when he wakes up. Not that he minds it, not that it’s bad, but the past couple of days had been a lot to pack in with no time to really process it. It had taken him one day to really understand the fact that this part of their tour was done. It shouldn’t feel like a loss, but it was, in a way. Dan didn’t know why he felt sad other than the fact that he did.
He moped a little, secluded himself, trying to make himself as small as he could when it ended, looking over at Phil wondering if he felt it too.
(Of course he did).
There’s still more to look forward to, there’s places that they get to see and new people and experiences to have, but right now, Dan just needed to tend to this feeling. He lost something. Maybe the normality that this part of the world gave him, the bus and the bunks, waking up to the same people and doing crew activities when he and Phil were up to it. Most are leaving soon, bags ready and there will be tears, probably, but not when they can see it.
He gets up early, his body never really sure where he is, Vancouver has been the most stable stop in a while. Phil is still asleep, not ready to wake up and Dan won’t make him. He rests a hand on his shoulder, fingertips touching freckles that look like little stars. He takes a shower, a long one, washing off the previous night and double washing his hair because he can. They have the time.
He goes downstairs and grabs coffee’s for him and Phil with loads of creamer and packets of sugar. He makes Phil a plate of breakfast despite the fact that it’ll be cold when he wakes up but it’s the thought that counts. He can make a new normal out of this spared time that they have here.
*
They do a liveshow later, figuring it’s time to let their audience in on what they’ve been doing the past couple of days. Someone says something about the end of this leg of the tour and Dan tries not to look upset. He isn’t really, it’s just the end of something with the thought of new things on the rise, but it’s not here yet so it’s not tangible enough for him to reach it.
They have plans tonight though. That’s something that Dan can look forward to.
They grab another cup of coffee and Phil tugs the backpack that they carry a little closer feeling the weight of their jackets, camera, and something else that Dan had brought that he wouldn’t show Phil and make their way. They have a list of tourist spots they’ve been told to hit up alongside a food place that’s pretty popular.
Dan thinks that this is one of his favourite parts of downtime in between shows and traveling, being able to spend it with Phil like this being tourists. It’s nice to have this tiny space where they can sit in silence with the other and explore these tiny parts of the world together. Nothing magical has to happen for it to be a special time and that’s something that Dan dreamed about a long time ago before Phil came into his life.
It was one of the reasons why he was so sad about leaving it. These experiences they had would be no more, it’d just be a distant memory and Dan has always been bad at letting things go. He’s been recording things more lately, it’s not so much as a love letter to Phil but more of a time capsule of the things they’ve done together, and maybe one day when he’s ready he’d release it- but for now, it just belongs to him.
Their taxi driver asks where they’re from, Dan says they’re from London. It’s always a fun game of trying to explain what they do without sounding like a douche or something to laugh at. He looks over at Phil who’s staring out a window, a small smile on his face. Dan wants to reach over and hold his hand.
They get to their drop off point, Phil is the first one to say that they should find a map of everything but it’s big. Dan shrugs and says they should just wing it, start walking and hope they end up somewhere with a nice view.
It’s not hard to find.
They’re dodging bike riders and joggers, they have a dog count and give bonus points if it’s a corgi. They make up games as they go along, sing songs that are stuck in their head from whatever Dan is listening to. They don’t talk about home because it’s not something they miss. Home is far away, thousands of miles away, but home was also a tour bus, with its normality and routine and Dan feels some comfort in knowing how often Phil brings the bus up.
He’s not alone in this feeling.
They felt it when they were doing their first tour, this isn’t any different--this sort of loss.
They’re staring at the skyscrapers across the water now.
“It’s hard.” Dan says.
Phil looks over at him for a second, he was in the middle of taking a picture. He puts his phone back in his pocket and he nods.
“It is hard.”
Dan wants to talk more about it, but it hurts.
“It’s not over yet.” Phil says again with a small smile reaching out to touch Dan’s shoulder.
They walk some more.
*
There’s a bench that’s not exactly secluded, but it’s not as populated as the rest of the park. Dan reaches out to grab the backpack they share and takes out the jackets they didn’t need and the camera they barely used and he finds the bottle of wine that he bought last night when he went on a walk. It’s small enough for them to drink, the kind of bottle hat they’d give you on an airplane.
He has two plastic cups that he took from the hotel and he hands one of them to Phil who’s just starting to put it all together.
“I can’t remember the last time I brought wine to the park. I’m pretty sure I was like sixteen or something and had my older friend buy it for me.” Dan says grabbing the wine bottle and unscrewing the cap, thankful that it was a twist off otherwise his plans would be ruined.
“I was the person that bought alcohol for all my younger friends.” Phil laughs, looking out for people on the trail that they’re on.
“Damn, Phil the hookup Lester.” Dan jokes, pouring the red wine evenly into each of their cups.
“What’s this for?” Phil asks, his voice is light, swishing it around in his cup pretending like he knows how to drink wine, but he realizes that he’s drinking it out of a plastic cup from a hotel room, so he stops.
“I don’t know—I was just on my walk yesterday and it was really pretty walk and I was thinking about everything and I impulsive bought wine and forgot about it when I got back and—” he stops, shrugging, “—and this part of the tour is over with. So, wine.”
They clink their glasses, Dan takes a small sip of the wine and it’s not the best thing he’s ever tasted but he’ll remember it anyway.
“It’s quite shit, not gonna lie.” Dan says after another drink, but he’s determined to finish it.
“Yeah, not a red wine kinda guy.” Phil scrunches up his face but does the same.
“There was an effort.” Dan shrugs, drinking the rest of it.
“And I love you for it.” Phil stacks their cups, and puts everything back in the backpack until they can dispose of it.
They continue their walk.
Phil says things like, “When we come back we’ll have to explore this more.” Whether Phil knows it or not, it’s a comfort to Dan.
*
They get two cups of tea before heading back to their hotel that night. They have souvenirs for friends back home in one bag, things for them and their flat in the other.
They’re slowly getting ready for bed, taking breaks to drink a sip of tea and pack what they can. Eventually they reach that point when there’s nothing left to clean up and pack, Dan is the first one to get into bed and scroll on his phone, Phil follows soon after, getting closer to Dan. In a city that’s so big and unknown they have each other. They always have each other.
“Change is scary.” Dan says when Phil turns the lights off.
“It is.” Phil says, pulling Dan close to him. They have the curtains drawn but they can hear the city noise outside and it’s comforting, if they closed their eyes for a minute it’s almost like they’re home.
“Change is also exciting,” Phil adds, his fingers are running through Dan’s curls, it’s one of his favourite things to do and it helps calm Dan down after a long day.
“It is.” Dan yawns, “especially because I got you.” He says it in that kind of voice they do when they’re making fun of each other, they both snort at the remark, but there is truth behind the sentiment.
Phil is the first one to fall asleep and Dan is thinking about time and where it all went, but he eventually falls asleep knowing of where they’ll go next. There will always be things to look forward to, tomorrow it just might be a cup of coffee, but that’s enough for now.