Chapter Text
“Lance? Lance!? Did you just go AFK on me? Really? You’d better literally be asleep, or I'll knock you out myself.” Pidge hisses as her dwarf tank takes damage from all sides. She nudges her Player 2’s leg with her elbow, regretting it instantly when that moment of distraction costs her dwarf his life. The game over screen taunts her with a mocking tone, but there isn’t much she can do in this particular dungeon when it’s just her, so she shuts everything down.
“Quiznak,” she spits, turning to look up at her self-proclaimed DPS pro. This noodle had the nerve to pass out with the controller still sitting in his palms. “Thanks for the support, man.”
Still miffed, she drags herself to her feet to put the gaming setup back under the bed. The dim amber glow of the night lights embedded into the Garrison walls makes everything look soft and warm. A certain handsome sleeping face keeps drawing her eyes in for longer than she’d like. Even Lance’s sharp features look nice and smooth right now. ‘Soft boy... Being asleep and also on Earth with his family sleeping a few hundred feet away probably have a lot to do with that serene look gracing his features,’ Pidge ruminates, shaking her head to ward away thoughts of how cute her best friend is. ‘Not now, Katie. You’ve got bigger things to worry about than crushes. Like Sendak. Now that’s a real problem.’
“Right. No time for crushes.” Pidge pulls a spare blanket over Lance, whispering the mantra again a few more times for good measure.
“Why not..? Crushes... Are nice.” A raspy voice slurs, sending Pidge flying across the room like a cat faced with a cucumber.
“You asshole! You’re awake? Were you listening?” She waits. No answer. “What, asleep again? That’s convenient. Reeeal convenient, Lance.”
Slowly, she hazards a return to her bed, sitting beside the lanky giant in her bed. He’s definitely sleeping. ‘Okay. Bigger problems do exist. But also. He’s sleeping like a log. I should get these feelings out of my system now rather than later. After all, my mental health needs to be in tip-top shape to keep poring through those Castle of Lions files, and if I'm distracted with thoughts of this dork, I'll never get any work done. It's brilliant. I won't even leave a paper trail behind like this!’
"Okay, Lance." Pidge rubs her palms together, then regrets it because they're all sweaty. Wonderful. "Can. Can you call me Katie, just once?"
‘Oh geez, my voice cracked. What am I, twelve? Also that was a stupid thing to start off with, you absolute prokaryote,' Pidge chastises herself, but her mental dialogue ceases instantly when she sees the corner of Lance’s lip twitch a bit.
"Who's Katie? That's a cute name."
'I'm never letting him call me Katie while he's conscious. Ever. I will spontaneously combust. I will die.' Pidge wheezes, clutching her chest with one hand and tugging at the collar of her t-shirt with the other. "Hey Lance,” She leans in, her voice lower than a whisper, “I think you’re pretty cool.”
“Thanks, Princess. I think you’re pretty and cool, yourself.” He breathes; a bit of a furrow between his brows betraying his otherwise tranquil features. Pidge’s own brows furrow together as she hugs her knees and sighs. ‘This was a bad idea. But will I stop? Probably not.’
“So despite everything that happened with Lotor, you still have a thing for Allura, don’t you?” She digs her nails into her thighs, but they’re too short to do any damage, and too dull to snap her out of her disappointment. A bitter laugh slips past her lips. “If that makes you a hopeless idiot, then what does that make me? I've been here longer than she has. Granted, I didn't actually figure out what I was feeling until a bit too late, but.. Am I an even worse idiot for still holding onto hope when there was obviously never any to begin with?”
“Better hope than despair. I don’t want to see that bear again. He can smell fear.”
“You know what else he can smell? Sore losers like you and me. Hear that? That's his laugh. Upupupu. ”
“Not the bear.. He’s a bastard...” Lance curls up, his back now to Pidge. “Don’t worry, though.. If he finds us, I’ll protect you..”
Pidge scoffs. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.” Bile rises in her throat, but she reminds herself that she has to see this through now. She can't do it later. Living in times like this means you never know when you'll have another chance. She can't waste this opportunity. "...What do you even see me as, anyway? Am I some punk little sibling to you? A fellow prankster? A bro? Some weird gremlin? Or am I Friend B? Am I Pidge, or am I Katie? Sometimes even I don't know how to act around you. I don't know what you expect of me."
"Human or dancer.."
"What do you want me to be, Lance?"
"You can be anything when you grow up.. Don't let your dreams be dreams.."
"Easier said than done, dweeb." Amber eyes look to the postcard of a sunset she's kept nearby for years, prompting her to grab it without thinking. The edges have dulled and the ink along the border is faded; both results of holding the paper too many times. "A billion sunsets happen every day," she reminisces. "But this one's always been your favorite one, hasn't it, Lance?"
"I miss the beach. But the bear's there, too. Lurking." Lance mumbles into her pillow, wrapping an arm around it and holding it close.
'God, I wish that was me.' Pidge sighs, sticking the postcard back up on the wall. "I wish I was a sunset."
Pidge closes her eyes and sees the blue-clad paladin lunge at Ezor with a vicious look in his eyes. His “Don’t you touch her!” still rings in her ears. Her stomach gets all weirdly atwitter whenever she thinks about it. She swallows thickly and keeps talking.
"Is... Is Allura really still your favorite sunset?"
"Warm.."
“I mean, I get it. She literally brought you back to life with that OP Altean magic, didn’t she?” Pidge struggles to keep her voice monotonous. “Like, she even quiznaking put Shiro’s soul into a new body. I.. I feel like I owe her so much for saving the lives of two of the people most precious to me. Even I acknowledge that I probably would've been useless in those situations... But I don't want to let her have you right now. Or ever. You shouldn't have to be her second choice.” Her voice cracks a bit as she continues.
"I'm afraid you're going to end up hurt, Lance. I'm not the best at reading people, but even I can see she hasn't gotten over Lotor's betrayal." Small shaking fists grip the bed sheets. Her knuckles are white. "It hit us all hard, but it hit her hardest. You should know that better than anyone. So why do you still look like you're looking at a sunset when you're smiling at her? It isn't fair, and I'm not being fair, and I hate feeling like this and I hate you for it. Take those rose-tinted glasses off."
"The rose rabbit's friendly. The bear is the mean one."
“Then again, she's got more good qualities than bad, so I guess you wouldn't care as long as she gave you the illusion of a fighting chance, huh? Aside from being magical, she’s pretty, she’s strong, she’s smart, she’s a real leader, she’s talented, and even I’d probably want to date her if she were a little younger, and also if I wasn’t already totally in l-love with the original pilot of the Blue Lion.”
“Love…”
Pidge blushes furiously up to her ears. Hearing a sleeping Lance say the “L”-word and "Katie" are good enough memories to last a lifetime in the daydream bank, despite the emotional pain and turmoil she had to go through to get here. “...A-Anyway, I think I’m pretty cool, too. I've saved your butt once or twice, too. I think I’m fun to be around, that I’m pretty smart, and that I’m strong, and maybe not as drop-dead gorgeous as the princess, but I’m not horrible to look at, right? And we like the same video games! I… I think I’m worth your attention. Don’t you?” She wipes her eyes before tears have the chance to fully form, breathing in one more shaky breath before exhaling, feeling all the tension in her flow out in one fluid motion.
"Anyway, this was a good talk. Let's not do that again, okay?" When she turns, it is to be greeted with a wonderful sight. Her pillow is getting drooled on.
“...Nice. I have a crush on a real smooth guy here.”