Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Once is a chance.

Twice is a coincidence.

Thrice, however, is either a habit, a calamity, a blessing, or a relentless pursuit of Fate.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

On November of their third year is where their story begins—

And where it also ends.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It’s raining.

Renjun sits at his favourite spot in the café, a place just to the side and against the brick wall, somewhere he can see everything that’s happening the café; from the patrons entering and leaving, to the movement of the two employees getting and making the orders, the people who sit around idly doing whatever they need to do —he can see all of it.

It distracts him, but not enough.

Renjun had always known this would be inevitable. That the conversation they were about to have is inevitable. He knew from the moment he heard what happened with Xuxi and Mark, he knew it wasn’t something they could avoid, no matter how much they wanted to.

Thoughts of how this could all go have transpired in Renjun’s mind, subconsciously and consciously. It lingers in the back of his mind like a patch of weed in a garden that he couldn’t remove and has now taken over his thoughts.

It’s not only him, Renjun knows that much. He knows that it’s been on Jaemin’s mind, too, with the way he has been acting.

Renjun can’t say he knows Jaemin like the back of his hand, but when it comes to things like this, their thoughts and emotions are never too far from each other.

They are always in sync in their own way.

Renjun would be lying if he said that he didn’t notice the change with Jaemin, or to be more accurate, the way he interacts with him. It’s subtle, yet meaningful change that says a thousand, perhaps even millions, of words that they can both never say in fear.

He sometimes wonders, among those, how many apologies are there?

Renjun sighs. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t notice the way Jaemin started to hug him tighter, the proximity between the two of them lingering a moment or two longer than it used to. Or the way their touches would remain with each other for a heartbeat or two longer than it used to. He noticed the way Jaemin takes longer to hang up on phone calls—the way they would be in silence for a minute without words being exchanged and only a sigh would leave Jaemin’s lips, as if he wants to say something, but he can’t.

As if he never wants to hang up.

Renjun can’t blame him though, not when those calls would leave him with tense shoulders and holding in a bated breath that he would only notice after Jaemin hangs up.

This whole situation felt so silly, so petty, so small—he knows best that there are bigger problems in life than this. The whole world can laugh at them for being this troubled over this and perhaps one day they’ll laugh along with it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t significant. To the both of them.

And the extent of it will perhaps be only known to both of them.

Which is probably why the thought of having this conversation shakes him to his core. The situation itself has lodged something in his throat that had made him unable to speak. His mind keeps running in circles of the things he wants to do, what he needs to do, and what he should do. He doesn’t want to do this—he never would’ve thought he would have to do this. It’s not the conversation that Renjun is scared of, but what will come of it.

But he needs to—for the both of them.

Renjun tries his best to swallow the bubble of anxiousness on his throat, but with each second that passes, the dread in his stomach grows heavier.

He just wants this to pass already.

He hears the familiar chime of the bell resound the café and he freezes. He grips the cup he’s holding tighter, the cup still hot from the freshly made tea he had ordered. His hands feel like it’s burning but he pays it no mind, his thoughts jump from one thing to another—from questioning why the woman beside him is wearing green, why the café always plays instrumentals, why they have indoor plants that aren’t even real, why the table is wood and—

Why did he even end up loving Jaemin?

Jaemin suddenly appears in front of him and just like that, all other thoughts in Renjun’s mind vanish. Jaemin smiles and Renjun remembers why.

It’s not like he never had a choice—he did. Renjun didn’t fall in love with Jaemin—because falling suggests that it’s done accidental, that you are thrusted into it without any warning nor safety pre-cautions. Renjun didn’t have that, he knew what he was signing up for. Jaemin is the last type of person Renjun would ever find himself liking. Jaemin’s too flirtatious, too eye-catching, too giving yet selfish in different ways, too realistic, and too pessimistic about himself.

But also, it’s Jaemin who remembers the trivial things about him, from the drink he orders to his favourite ingredients in his favourite dishes. Jaemin’s the one that goes through the rain just to apologise, the one that agrees to marathon watching with him no matter if the series is something they’ve seen over and over, and the one who supports him and all his ideas and never fails to show it.

Even with the traits that Jaemin had that Renjun disliked, it’s what makes Jaemin him. Renjun wouldn’t have it any other way.

Loving Jaemin is a door filled with warning signs and Renjun decided to walk into it, despite everything.

Renjun sees Jaemin lean closer to him, a hand extending to reach his own—

“Don’t,” Renjun breathes out and Jaemin freezes. Renjun grips the cup impossibly tighter, pursing his lips, and trying to find the words he wants to say. Jaemin, being the way he is, understands him almost instantly.

Renjun glances at Jaemin, a shiver runs down his spine when he sees Jaemin looking at him directly. His eyebrows slightly furrowed and his lips in a thin line. Renjun can see the way Jaemin wants to say something, a look probably mirroring his own.

Jaemin, instead, says, “But why?” He places his hand near Renjun’s own, almost but not touching.

Renjun wants to reach out, to hold his hand and be the idealist that he is—to say that everything will be okay.

That they’d be okay.

But Renjun doesn’t want to lie and give fake comfort when the truth will always remain at the back of their minds. They both know very well what’s happening and what’s going to happen.

Renjun hesitates, as he always does, evading the piercing gaze that Jaemin gives him. He has so many words and things to say yet the moment he sees Jaemin it all flew away.

“This is your life,” Renjun starts, sighing in frustration at how he’s unable to form words. Maybe if he didn’t love Jaemin as much as he did, perhaps it would’ve been easier. “I,” Renjun trails, “I don’t want to be the reason why you might end up making an impulsive decision.” Renjun glances at Jaemin and he knew then that looking at him was a mistake.

Jaemin looks at his eyes filled with something that Renjun doesn’t want to acknowledge—that if he does, it’ll only hurt more for him. Jaemin doesn’t look at him sadly, not even in a pleading way. He just looks at Renjun with glossed over eyes, making him feel a pang in his chest rather than the dull ache that had been sitting there for a long while now.

Renjun wants to plead Jaemin to say something, but at the same time, he knows that the moment Jaemin says something, they’ll end up in a loop of false promises that both of them knew wouldn't follow through.

“But—“

“But nothing.” Renjun shoots him down.

He hates seeing Jaemin like this, but as much as he hates that, Renjun knows that the moment Jaemin says something stupid like being together despite his parents’ opposition, he might as well agree to it in a heartbeat.

So no, he won’t let Jaemin say anything.

Renjun brings his cup to his lips, sipping his usual order of Jasmine tea.

It’s bitter.

Renjun, for the first time, hates it. It tastes a lot more bitter than usual. Renjun wants something sweet, something that reminds him of Jaemin and not that of himself. He puts down the cup and sighs.

“I want you to walk where you’re meant to go.”

Somewhere safe, somewhere comfortable—somewhere I know you’ll succeed and have a great future in, a life where you won’t keep making risks , is left unsaid.

Jaemin is silent, eyes down-casted. He doesn’t say anything, but despite this, Renjun can hear the gears turning in Jaemin’s mind. The café is full and it’s filled with different sounds, but right now, all Renjun can feel and hear is Jaemin.

Renjun blanks out, not knowing what to think, not knowing if he wants Jaemin to say something or not. All he can think about is wanting for the night to come so they can lay down in bed and have each other in their arms as the lights are dimmed and feel each other’s warmth, knowing that they’ll be okay for the moment.

Though, Renjun doubts if they’ll ever go back to that after this—this could turn out differently after and the mere thought of Jaemin, even as his closest friend, leaving pains him.

Slowly, Jaemin’s eyes meet his, “Will you be there?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper, if Renjun wasn’t paying attention, he would’ve missed it.

Almost as if he doesn’t want to ask—or rather, he doesn’t want Renjun to answer.

Renjun has always been right with his questions—the question isn’t “What if he doesn’t like you?” but rather “What if he does?”.

Yes , Renjun wants to answer, I want to .

But he can’t, so he stays silent. He doesn’t trust his voice to not quiver when he slowly sighs, releasing the bated breath he didn’t know he was keeping. He bites his lip and looks away, unable to look at Jaemin more than this. His hands quiver and he desperately wants Jaemin to close the gap and hold his hand while whispering reassurances no matter how false they are.

But even Jaemin, the one who is always so sure of himself, can’t.

A minute or two passes and Jaemin releases a shaky breath. He silently nods and Renjun knows that Jaemin understands.

A moment passes by in silence, Renjun could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, he can’t focus on anything else but Jaemin.

If Jaemin were to drop a needle, Renjun feels like he would be able to hear the echo of it in his ears—just because it’s Jaemin.

And because it’s Jaemin, Renjun remembers it all too well the moment Jaemin entered his life—it wasn’t unforgettable, per se, but Jaemin himself is unforgettable. Perhaps that’s why he remembers it.

It isn’t even the action of leaving that hurts—Renjun knows Jaemin will just be around the campus, he knows where Jaemin is currently residing. It isn’t that—it’s the memories that are tied so tightly within the creases of their friendship, the fact that they spent so much time they have together for the past years that everything, for Renjun, is just tied to Jaemin’s existence—to their memories of each other.

Letting go of Jaemin will probably haunt—as does drifting away from someone you treasure—but Renjun can’t seem to bring himself to regret any of this. The things that he felt with Jaemin, the experiences he has gotten, it all wouldn’t have been possible if it were not for Jaemin entering his life.

Perhaps it’s because it’s between the two of them—all these overwhelming emotions and feelings—is what makes Renjun hold it so close, not wanting to let go of it quite yet. It’s because it’s his, it's Jaemin’s. It’s theirs and theirs alone.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It didn’t happen quickly; it happened slow, step-by-step, leaving them on edge.

It was careful and protected but not calculated.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Renjun takes a sip from his cup, savouring the ever so slightly sweet taste of his favourite warm tea. He hums in satisfaction. He glances around the café, tapping his fingers on the table. The café isn’t as crowded as it usually would be on a weekday, but there are enough people around for Renjun to choose from to observe and watch.

People watching as he’d call it. An activity that he does when he has nothing better to do other than sit and stare at people doing their own mundane things.

Xuxi calls it boring and Renjun can’t really deny that—it can be boring for others, there are so many things he could rather do other than sit in one place. But perhaps it’s just an artist thing, too. To observe daily life the way it is, observing movements the proportions and features of others, how a body would look like from a different angle—it’s for art, really. In order to replicate life, one must romanticise the mundane things in life and find beauty in them.

Renjun places his cup down and takes his pencil in hand as he tries to find the perfect subject for today’s study.

The café is arguably the best place to have art studies. There’s just something about it that Renjun loves. From the slow jazz music and the bossa nova instrumental they play in the background to the rich scent of roasted coffee beans, Renjun adores it all. The atmosphere is relaxing and has a sense of calm that Renjun can bask himself in.

Not to mention that it can be populated enough to help him when he has a bad case of art block—such as the situation he’s in.

It’s been three weeks since Renjun had been inspired and motivated enough to draw something. Three weeks of him staring at his paper that is only filled with different kinds of lines—an attempt to try and create something despite not knowing what; and three weeks of him going to different places to people watch, to get some inspiration—or anything, really. He has gotten to the point that staring at brick walls and studying their structure and elements has been much more interesting than looking at his own sketchbook. Walking around the city, as dangerous as it is for someone like him who’s new to the area and has a poor sense of direction, has done him nothing good, yet.

Renjun sighs.

He has already rambled on and on about this frustration he has to Xuxi, an old friend turned dormmate, as much as he could. The gnawing frustration inside him keeps eating him up, wanting to do nothing but produce something so he wouldn’t feel as much of a failure as he already does. Xuxi has told him to relax—that it's summer vacation and Renjun should relax as much as he already can before he gets sleepless nights as he did in his first year.

But of course, Renjun wouldn’t be himself if he wasn’t stubborn.

As they were binge-watching Brooklyn Nine-nine one night, he had opened the topic up again. At this point, Xuxi only kept on nodding, an automated response that Renjun doesn’t mind—he’s frustrated at himself too, repeating his frustrations over and over with no end in sight.

That’s when Xuxi had suggested for him to find a muse of some sort.

“A muse?” Renjun had questioned incredulously, looking at Xuxi as if he had grown a second head, “Like what? Rose to Jack?” He scoffs, though he doesn’t deny the possibility of having one being of help to his situation.

Xuxi shrugged, “Yeah, my boyfriend uses his friends as his muse when he needs to write something for his creative writing,” He explained, “It might work for you.”

Renjun stared at him, “And where will I get friends?” He lifted a brow as he watched Xuxi get a bar of snickers from the table.

Xuxi opened it, humming, “You’ve been here for two months and the only people you know is Mark and I,” He stated, “You’re bound to meet someone soon.” He looked at him pointedly before biting onto his snickers bar.

Renjun stared at him, “You do realise that no one is here in the dorms but the two of us, right?”

Xuxi nodded, “Yeah?”

Renjun squinted at him, “How do you expect me to meet someone when it’s only the two of us here?” He groaned, “This sucks, I shouldn’t have moved in this early.”

“Well, you can just go outside and explore,” Xuxi suggested, “There’s a café nearby that Mark likes going to, wouldn’t hurt to try.”

Renjun only sighed.

Thinking back to that memory now, he shouldn’t have doubted a piece of advice from someone who’s close to another creative person such as himself. He probably needed the time out, being cooped up inside an unfamiliar place perhaps has made himself feel disconnected from his surroundings. For the time he went outside, he has done nothing but still life drawings—which is a feat itself, considering that Renjun couldn’t even do that in his dorm. Though it isn’t an illustration that came from him, it's practice—it’s still something.

Renjun notes to himself to thank Xuxi for the suggestion—even though he might’ve forgotten about it already.

His phone suddenly lights from where it’s placed on the table. Xuxi’s name appears across the screen.

Speak of the devil and he shall come, it seems.

Renjun picks it up, “What did you do this time?” He says in lieu of a greeting, far too many incidents have happened in the past that has taught him to greet Xuxi more appropriately.

“Renjun!” Xuxi greets, “Hello to you too!”

“What happened this time around?” Renjun asks, scribbling on his sketchpad.

“Can’t I call you ‘cause I miss you?” Xuxi asks.

“Xuxi…” Renjun trails, feeling a headache coming already.

“Okay, okay!” Xuxi sighs, feeling defeated, “I have a favour to ask but promise me you won’t get angry?”

Renjun hums, “Depends on what kind of favour, I might be able to reassure you that I won’t get angry but nothing gets past Sicheng.”

“Well,” Xuxi clears his throat, “Can you come to a party with me?”

Renjun nods, realising that Xuxi won’t see it, he hums in acknowledgement, “And?”

“What do you mean ‘and’?”

“What’s the catch?” Renjun rolls his eyes, “You wouldn’t be asking me this if you know there’s one aspect that I wouldn’t like.”

“You see, it’s a freshmen party—“

“—and you have to have a freshman with you to enter, is that it?” Renjun finishes.

“Ah! I knew you’d understand!” Xuxi praises him, Renjun tries to hide his smile. “So can you?”

“Let me think about it,” He replies, “When is it?”

Xuxi lets out a burst of nervous laughter, “Renjun, my bestest best friend, the only one I trust in this household that only contains the two of us—“

“Xuxi.”

“It’s tonight,” He states.

“Tonight?” Renjun asks, surprised. He leans back on the backrest of the char, looking at the café. “Why are you telling me this only now?”

“I would’ve told you earlier if I could!” Xuxi explains, “Just come with me, please?”

Renjun sighs.

“You can go and make friends there of people your age—Sicheng would love to hear that development!” Xuxi states. The door’s wind chime resounds throughout the café and Renjun watches as two boys come in—it’s the boys, or rather, one of them that has taken Renjun’s eye.

Renjun remembers the first time he saw them—it’s just a few days after Xuxi had suggested him to go and check the café out. Despite the vague directions and Renjun’s own lack of sense for it, he was able to arrive and check it out, though, considering that Mark’s the one who introduced this to Xuxi, he didn’t doubt the quality of it.

If it was Xuxi, however, that would be another story.

The cafe— Serendipitea , as it’s called, is located in a corner where the road splits in two. It’s a two-storey building with an elevated first floor and the second floor closed off. The walls from each side are made out of glass. Potted bushes are lined up on either side, plants tall enough to hide the foundation of the wall but not enough to conceal the glass walls—or windows.

The inside is furnished with different sizes of beige, wooden tables, plants hanging from the ceiling, a variety of books and tabletop games stored at half-height bookshelves in the middle, acting as a divider placed in a semicircle manner.

It’s not cosy enough for Renjun, but it’s aesthetically pleasing enough for him to want to come back.

He remembers seeing the guy—taller than him, hair pushed back, wearing a suit that gives him a strong presence that makes him fill the room, and honestly? He looked pretty intimidating—cold, even. But when he smiled at the cashier, Renjun couldn’t help finding him cute. He’s quickly reminded of a cat with the way he smiled, eyes turning into crescents.

It was when Renjun kept seeing him in the cafe—on accident, really—did he start to use him as a muse. His sense of style is impeccable and it makes Renjun wonder if he’s some sort of model—or something. Renjun feels a certain artistic satisfaction when sketching him.

“—jun! Renjun!” He hears Xuxi call out to him. Renjun blinks before realising that he just spaced out. “You’re not listening, are you?” Xuxi says, a slight whine in his voice.

Embarrassed, Renjun states instead, “Mark will be there, right?” He eyes the two boys head to their usual seat.

Xuxi’s silent for a moment, “How did you know?”

Renjun scoffs, “You think you can fool me, out of all people?” Renjun prides himself on being the closest to Xuxi—second to Mark, at least. He watches as one of the boys he’s watching goes to the cashier to order.

“Renjun!” Xuxi whines, “Mark just got back and wanted to go and I can’t go without you.”

Renjun sighs to himself, a smile etching itself on his face, “Alright, alright,” He nods, mostly to himself. Xuxi thanks and compliments him on the other line. The two guys got their orders and the one from Renjun’s view smiles. “What time do you need me to head back?”

Without any hesitation, “Can you go back now?” Xuxi says—a little too giddy— “Thanks Renjunnie!” He ends the call before Renjun could even say something.

Sighing to himself, Renjun finishes his drink and fixes his things.

Perhaps his inspiration, wherever it might be, can wait.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Fifteen minutes before having to leave, Renjun finds himself waiting for his hot water from the electric kettle to boil. He wraps an arm around himself as he stares at the kettle as if it’ll magically speed up in boiling if he stared at it. Despite the fact that he’s already wearing an oversized jacket that he “borrowed” from Xuxi, he shivers at the cool temperature of the room. It must be Xuxi’s doing again—fiddling with the air conditioner while he was gone.

“Renjun!” He hears Xuxi call him from the other room, “You done?” Xuxi emerges from the walkway. Renjun eyes him up and down and even just by taking a single glance at it, one can easily tell that he dressed himself up to impress. Knowing Xuxi, he’d never dress up like this when meeting Sicheng or Kun. He can also tell that Xuxi’s nervous with the way he’s fidgeting with his sleeves as if he isn’t sure if he's going to keep it folded by the elbows or not. Renjun’s whole fit pales in comparison.

Xuxi is a whole head taller than Renjun, and with how often he goes to the gym, he’s pretty much the opposite of Renjun’s build. Xuxi has strong shoulders and a muscular form while Renjun has always had a narrower, slimmer form. Renjun had always hated, in a good way of course, how Xuxi would probably look good wearing anything.

Though for tonight, Renjun isn’t really going to be there to try to catch anyone’s eye, unlike Xuxi.

Renjun nods, “You dressed up tonight,” He comments in approval, “Looks good on you.”

Xuxi lights up, eyes widening, “Really?” He looks at himself before looking back at Renjun, “It’s not too much right?”

Renjun scoffs, “It’s a college party—a freshman one at that.” He points out, looking pointedly at Xuxi, “Do you really think anyone’s going to care? They would rather be drinking than judging you for what you wear.”

Xuxi sighs, “It’s not really about that, it’s just…” He trails off.

Renjun lifts an eyebrow at him, “What? Are you nervous about meeting your own boyfriend?”

Xuxi nods slightly, “Kind of, yeah.”

“What are you so nervous about? You’ve been together for a year now, right?” Renjun says. The water in the electric kettle begins to boil.

“A year and a half,” Xuxi corrects him.

“A year and a half,” Renjun repeats, nodding to himself, “What are you so nervous about?”

“I just,” Xuxi sighs, “This is the first time I’m going to see him since he left to go to Canada for the summer vacation,” He explains, “I just,” He tries, “I know it’s stupid but—but what if he found someone better?”

“It’s not stupid,” Renjun states. He hears the electric kettle turn itself off. “But you should trust Mark, too.” He moves to get his tumbler from the cupboard along with his teabag. “There is no way Mark would find someone—much less replace you.” He places the teabag inside the tumbler and carefully pours in the hot water. He lets the tea steep.

“It’s just—after our fight,” Xuxi says.

“The fight that happened before vacations started that you still haven’t told me what it’s about?” Renjun raises a brow.

“Yes, yes, that one,” Xuxi says, “After that, I don’t think—I just don’t think I deserve him, you know?” Xuxi tries to say.

“I don’t know Xuxi,” Renjun shrugs, “I just think that, if Mark was the one who invited you to come and called you as early as he could as soon as he landed here, I think he missed you as much as you did with him.” He takes the teabag out, tastes his tea—ack! It burns his tongue. He looks at it, scrunching his face.

He definitely shouldn’t have done that.

“I just want to impress him,” Xuxi whines.

“And you will!” Renjun says, sending him a smile and a thumbs-up, “You’re preparing yourself for something that you know won’t happen.” He closes his tumbler and walks up to Xuxi, punching him lightly on the arm. “Let’s go already before you turn into a total sap when we have a party to be at.” He says. Xuxi follows him behind as they exit the apartment.

“Thinking about it,” Renjun suddenly says as soon as they exit their dorm. The building is in complete silence with only their footsteps echoing through the halls. The other students have probably not yet arrived—there’s still a weekend left, and for returning students, that’s still extra rest for them. “Why can’t you go alone? Nobody would notice whether you’re a freshman or not.”

“Well, they might question it,“—Renjun rolls his eyes at this— “And you look like a freshman so it’s a sure better way to get in!”

“So, basically,” Renjun stops walking, “You’re just using me as an entry ticket, is it?” Renjun waves a hand before walking ahead, Xuxi spluttering beside him. “Who’s Mark going to take anyway? Doesn’t he live alone?”

Xuxi shrugs, “He did but I heard a friend of his moved with him,” He says, “I don’t remember his name but it was something like John or Jerome?”

Renjun nods, “I can’t believe you both are dragging two innocent kids into this,” He sighs dramatically, “Ah, young love.” He scrunches his nose.

Xuxi bumps him by his side, “You’re about to officially become a freshman soon, you’re not a kid.”

“Let me be,” Renjun half-whines, “I’m going to be an adult soon and I’m not ready for that.”

“You say that as if it’s a scary thing,” Xuxi chuckles, “Trust me, nothing will change much.”

“Easy for you to say,” Renjun stretches his arms above his head before trying to cover up a yawn, “You have it all figured out.”

“Me?” Xuxi replies, brows furrowed, “I don’t.”

Renjun scoffs, “Even if you don’t, at least you have Mark.” He comments.

It’s honestly cute—what Xuxi has with Mark. When Renjun had first heard the news about their relationship, he was the one who excitedly yelled and just kept jumping around in happiness for the two of them. After years of pining Xuxi had done for Mark—it’s safe to say that they both deserve only the best.

Even a stranger can tell just by looking at them on how much they are too deep into each other; Xuxi has this look of fondness whenever he looks at Mark. When Mark laughs, Xuxi’s smile becomes bigger and brighter—it’s unmissable, unmistakable. Mark, in turn, becomes gigglier and a lot more smiley whenever Xuxi is around.

Renjun would be lying if he said he didn’t envy them.

There’s this thing that Xuxi and Mark unconsciously do—something Renjun can’t quite explain it himself but he knows deep down, he wants something like that for himself.

Like when Mark and Xuxi are in a room together, it’s like they have this own world of theirs—that even if they aren’t even actively speaking to one another, they are inside each other’s worlds wherein no one else can enter, something that they have only for the two of them.

Renjun admits that he has never quite fallen in love to the point that he has wanted to pursue it, so he doesn’t quite understand what Xuxi and Mark has—but maybe that’s the thing. Somewhere inside him, he’s curious to know what it feels like, to experience it himself—to know what falling in love feels like.

The idea itself doesn’t seem so bizarre but the idea that someone can be so committed to something potentially fleeting—something so full of uncertainty—is strange yet so interesting.

Though Renjun supposes, what Xuxi and Mark have is probably not the type of fleeting attraction. Given that Xuxi has liked Mark since the first year of high school and has been pursuing him since their third year, it probably isn’t a fleeting, high school romance.

Renjun hums, “You’ll probably leave me as soon as you see Mark, huh?” He says.

“No!” Xuxi says, a little too defensively, “I mean I’ll try to not to!”

Renjun waves a hand in dismissal, “In return for helping you make out with your boyfriend, you’ll be answering all of our groceries for this month and the next, okay?” He says cheekily, “You’ve been the one paying for our lunch so far, might as well do the whole thing, right?”

“Fine, fine,” Xuxi says, messing with Renjun’s hair, making him whine. “Leave it all to me!”

Renjun snorts, trying to fix his hair back into place, “Rich people,” He mumbles in mock disdain. “What do you think will I be able to do there?” Renjun wonders out loud.

Xuxi shrugs, “Mingle, maybe?” He says, though it sounds more like a question rather than a suggestion, “I’ll ask Mark if he can introduce you to his dormmate once we’re there.”

“That is if you don’t end up jumping on him as soon as you see him,” Renjun mutters.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Renjun’s taken aback when he realises that the party wasn’t going to be held in a dormitory around the area as he pictured it to be.

Xuxi led him into someone’s home, just a few blocks away from their own dormitory. When Renjun asked him about it, Xuxi said that all Mark knew was that the residence it would be held at is owned by alumni from the same university as them. It was meant to be something like an informal acquaintance party for the students of all year levels acquainting themselves with the new freshmen.

It's tradition, Xuxi had said, for a freshman party to happen a week or two before classes start —he mentioned something about peers meeting and unwinding before work started to pile up. Renjun didn’t quite understand it completely, much like Xuxi himself who got the information off of someone. Xuxi mentioned how he didn’t attend last year’s party so he couldn’t give a proper picture for Renjun to expect.

They walk into an opened gate—Renjun can already hear the music inside—and head straight to the door. Xuxi knocks and it doesn’t take long till someone opens the door for them, greeting and thanking them for coming. Renjun greets back despite not catching the guy’s name, cold air hits him as soon as he enters the room.

The party is exactly the kind of party Renjun thought it would be: different blinking, coloured lights illuminate the room as music blasts way louder than it should be. A sea of people are dancing in the living room while others are either talking in hushed tones against the wall, knowing no sense of personal space or whatever, or they’re yelling at the top of their longs despite being a step away from each other.

It’s so predictable. It’s exactly how television shows and movies portrayed house parties to be. Renjun can’t say he’s disappointed or the opposite, it’s just surprising how there are apparently things that are accurate to real life in the media.

Xuxi bumps lightly against his side, motioning for him to follow him. It’s honestly hard to navigate through a dancing crowd that’s filled with drunk teenagers but they manage, somehow. They arrive in front of a room and Renjun watches Xuxi knock on the door before opening it. Inside is a boy laying down on the bed and no one else—which is a surprise, considering how just the outside of this room is filled with people.

“Mark!” Xuxi immediately runs, a smile on his face. Mark is barely halfway to getting up when Xuxi dives into the bed, attacking Mark with a hug. Renjun could only hope that Mark didn’t break any bone.

“Xuxi,” Renjun hears the sound of Mark’s muffled chuckle, “Nice to see you again too.” He says as a hand goes to Xuxi’s hair, patting him.

Xuxi balances himself on his arm, “I missed you so much,” He says, smothering Mark in kisses. Renjun stands by the door awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do—if he should disrupt their moment or not.

It’s sweet, really. He saw how Mark lit up in recognition when he realised that Xuxi was the one who entered, and noticed how softer he sounded when he called Xuxi’s name.

Xuxi doesn’t seem to stop smothering Mark with kisses—much like an overgrown puppy rather than a six feet tall sophomore. Renjun takes the initiative instead—to save them and himself from further embarrassment—and clears his throat. The two glances at him for a moment before a strike of realisation happens and separates from each other—more like Mark pushing Xuxi slightly away and Xuxi whining in protest. Renjun sees the way Mark’s face is tinting red.

“Oh, Renjun,” Mark laughs awkwardly, clearly embarrassed. He stands up, fixing his clothes, “Didn’t see you there.” He smiles apologetically.

“Right, of course,” Renjun nods mockingly, a smile on his face, “It’s nice to see you again Mark,” He waves his hand, “If you guys don’t need me, I’ll be somewhere outside.”

Xuxi looks at him confused, sitting up, “Don’t you want to stay here?”

Renjun looks at him in disbelief, “No Xuxi, I refuse to be in the same room as you guys make out or maybe something more “—Mark splutters—“Don’t even try to deny it,” Renjun says, not letting Mark say a word, “Do you have any idea how many times Xuxi whined about you?” Renjun crosses his arms, a brow lifted. Mark looks at Xuxi who just smiles innocently in return.

“I,” Mark says, almost hesitantly, “I missed you too, Xuxi,” He shyly says, probably embarrassed. A beat and Xuxi is suddenly engulfing him again in a big hug.

Renjun nods to himself, “Right, I need to go,” He says, turning around to the door. He really doesn’t want to see or hear more of that. “I’ll just be in the garden or something,” He says despite knowing Xuxi probably isn’t listening to him.

“Thanks, Renjun,” He hears Mark say, “I’ll remind Xuxi later,” Mark waves before flopping down the bed with Xuxi’s weight.

Renjun exits the room, closing the door behind him. He briefly wonders if he’ll have to go home alone after this but dismisses it as soon as it comes.

For now, he’ll worry about where he could stay.

He looks around. It’s as if the number of people suddenly increased. Renjun could already feel a little bit dizzy with all the other light effects in the room and the number of people just passing by in front of him.

He really can’t see the appeal of it—not yet, at least.

He tries to navigate through the crowd and sees a sliding door by the living room that’s closed off. He heads towards there and sees how few little people are outside. He exits the main room and heads to the backyard.

The backyard isn’t all that tiny. There’s a fairly big, rectangular pool with some people in it. Red cups are littered on the sides on the sides of the pool and on the grass. To the side, there’s a small fire pit set ablaze looking abandoned and was left alone. There were small, wooden benches surrounding it and even a tiny cooler. Renjun decides to head there instead—the chilly breeze of the night making him shiver through his jacket.

He sits on the bench, thinking how great it would be if Kun or Sicheng were to be here—but being alone is fine too. It’s times like these where he wishes he had a friend of the same age as him. He had always been a silent kid—awfully shy throughout his middle school and his first few years in high school. He remembers only breaking out his shell when he pursued his interest in dancing and singing, especially when he had to perform in front of a crowd. Through that, he gained a few friends here and there but he still ultimately hung out with Mark and Xuxi. When Mark and Xuxi graduated, he spent his time developing his art—knowing full well by then that this is something he wanted to pursue further.

He wonders though, what are the possibilities if he worked harder on his social life instead—if he had tried harder on being closer with his peers rather than just kept hanging out with people a year older than him. Would he have someone sitting with him right now? Would he even be sitting here at this moment?

It’s funny, really.

Renjun believes that there’s a cosmic intervention of some sort that brings someone to where they currently are. It could be fate, it could be destiny—it could be whatever people wanted to call it.

But in all honesty, that cosmic intervention sucks.

Either that or Renjun fucked up somewhere along the way—not that he completely minds, really. He loves his older brothers.

Renjun yawns, the boredom of not doing anything nor seeing anything interesting is making him sleepy. He wants to head back to the dorm but he still has to wait for Xuxi’s go signal and who knows how long that’ll take him.  

At this point, he should ask Xuxi something else in addition to their previous agreement.

“Hey,” A deep voice says in an almost playful like tone. It halts Renjun’s wandering thoughts. He looks up and he sees a guy—probably around his age—with his brown hair slicked to the side, looking all messy and tousled up. He’s wearing a black turtleneck and a matching grey checkered pants and suit jacket that isn’t buttoned up. “Have we met before?” He smiles. He reminds Renjun of a Cheshire Cat—with how the sides of his lips are upturned and how nice his teeth are.

Renjun unconsciously tongues his own snaggletooth.

Renjun scoffs, “If that’s how you’re going to start a conversation, it won’t go anywhere.” He says, looking away.

The stranger chuckles to himself, probably from amusement, “Alright, alright, I know I haven’t met you yet,” He sits down next to Renjun, thankfully not too close enough to invade his personal space.

“How are you so sure about that?” Renjun asks.

“I’d remember a face like yours,” Renjun scowls in distaste. “What? That didn’t work?”

“Try again,” Renjun says, a small lopsided grin on his face.

“Alright, alright,” The guy laughs to himself, “I saw you beeline your way out here with that in hand,” He eyes the tumbler Renjun has in hand, “People come here to drink—not to bring one.”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Renjun challenges, a brow raised.

“Nothing at all, I’d do that myself,” The guy replies, “I don’t really drink.”

“Then why are you here?” Renjun asks. He finds a stick on the ground and starts waving it through the fire, playing with it. Despite the chilly night, he finds himself basking in the warmth of the fire with his tea on the other hand.

“I came here with a friend.” He simply says. He feels the guy stare at him. “If you’re going to ask me something, just say it,” He says, looking at the stranger, “It’s better than staring.”

“Sorry,” The guy laughs softly to himself again before settling on smiling. Renjun’s sure that this guy is probably some kind of dental or toothpaste model with the smile he has. “I was just wondering what you’re doing here, seeing how you don’t seem to be interested in drinking with coffee in hand.”

“How are you sure that this is coffee and not some alcoholic drink I snuck in?” Renjun raises a brow.

“So it’s alcohol?” The guy mirrors his expression.

“Tea, but nice try,” Renjun says, “And I also came here with a friend.”

“Oh?” The boy leans into the fire, his arms on his knees, “What happened to him? Where is he?” He looks around.

Renjun shrugs. What happened to Xuxi? Well, he was simply taken by his boyfriend into an empty room. But is he going to say that to a stranger—even though the possibility of him not remembering a single thing from this conversation is zero? Even if he’ll forget about Renjun’s existence after this? Of course not.

“He ditched me.” Renjun settles.

“Oh?” The other comments, a hint of playfulness in his voice.

Renjun purses his lips, putting the stick back beside him. He looks at the glass door of the living room across him, the colourful led lights still as bright as ever. “I mean, not really?” He says after a mini-mental debate. “More like I let him leave me to make out with his boyfriend,” He turns to the guy, “What about you?” He eyes him from head to toe, “What are you doing here? You don’t even look like you’re supposed to be here.”

“Am I not allowed to be here?” The guy raises a brow at Renjun.

Renjun hums, “Not really, I mean I doubt you’d want to be in there,” He motions to the silhouette of the crowd dancing, “But you look too dressed up to be here in the first place,” He comments, “Either you really planned and prepared on attending this party or you’re supposed to be somewhere else.”

From what Renjun had seen and observed so far, too, was that no one was really wearing something as formal or as fancy as this guy is. All of them were in their most comfortable clothing, some even looking like they wore their ugliest to ready themselves on getting shitfaced.

A sane guy who has the most basic common sense would not wear something like that when the possibility to get puked on is high enough to be uncomfortable.

“Well, you’re not entirely wrong,” He replies, “You gotta celebrate for your last day of freedom, you know?” Renjun shrugs. The guy rolls his eyes. “C’mon, don’t you feel the same way even the tiniest bit?” The guy says in disbelief.

Renjun purses his lips in a horizontal line. Is going to uni really that scary? It’s just going to college—and after that, it’s when this so-called freedom comes, just in a different way. Freedom to move out, to earn and spend your own money, to go somewhere, to work in the field you love. It’s surely better than being a powerless kid who has no control over your own life.

It’s another new beginning of sorts.

So no, Renjun doesn’t feel the same way.

But he won’t say that. “It’s just college, not jail.” He decides on saying instead.

The stranger sighs softly, “It’s almost the same thing,” His voice suddenly feels and sounds far away, “It’s like stepping inside a room with the door locking behind you—once you step in, you can’t go back nor go forward. You’re just there, always at the same place and never moving,” He looks at his hands, “Rotting.”

Renjun doesn’t know what to make of it. It sounds far too personal for Renjun to ask about—far too close to a home he isn’t familiar with. He doesn’t quite know what kind of response to give—if there’s even an appropriate one. He has barely known the guy for an hour.

Though, maybe that’s why it’s so easy.

Strangers know nothing more than what someone chooses to show them. Nothing other than what’s said—they don’t and probably will never have the complete picture other than a gist of it. They can’t be biased because they know nothing, they have nothing to base their opinions on other than their own and what’s given to them.

Knowing this boundary, Renjun decides to not ask anything.

Instead, Renjun chooses to raise a brow. “Having troubles with your chosen major?” He decides to ask instead; a general question. Not specific enough to push the other’s personal space, but not too vague to sound insensitive and uncaring—at least Renjun hopes so.

The stranger hums, a change in demeanour as a smile plays on his lips. “Something like that, I guess.”

Renjun nods, “It’s called the quarter-life crisis.”

The guy stares at him for a moment before snorting, “Quarter-life crisis?” He arches a brow, challenging Renjun. 

“It’s the perfect term that encapsulates the existential crisis and loss of direction of someone younger than twenty-five or what society perceives as a full-fledged adult in which you are supposed to be more successful and competent than you already are,” Renjun says.

The guy stares at him. Renjun looks at him pointedly, mirroring the expression. The stranger chuckles before shaking his head in amusement.

“I came to this party to have fun, not to have a crisis talk.”

“Don’t know what you expected when you opened up to a stranger but okay,” Renjun shrugs, “All I’m saying, just do whatever you like doing best and everything will fall into place, I think it’s okay if you don’t know what you like the first time around,” Renjun replies, “The Queen had once said, ‘Nobody’s perfect, I gotta work it, again and again ‘til I get it right’.”

The guy looks at him incredulously, “Isn’t that Hannah Montana?”

Renjun nods, “Yes, the Queen.”

The guy lets out a breath, a smile on his face, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re drunk.”

“And yet you’re still talking to me.” Renjun smiles, shaking his head a little.

“What can I say?” The guy shrugs, “I’m a sucker for cute guys like you and besides, I could say the same to you.”

Renjun stares at him for a moment before scoffing in disbelief, a smile forming on his face. He doesn’t answer as a comfortable silence takes over them, the both of them looking straight ahead at the living room— is that a vomit stain on the glass? —and the heat of the fire warming them up.

“Why don’t you go in? Join the fun?” The guy breaks the silence.

Renjun hums, “I could ask you that myself.”

“I was really just dragged here by my dormmate—he’s supposed to be meeting someone, apparently,” The guy replies, “So it’s not like I wanted to be here, I actually planned on binge-watching some anime my best friend recommended.”

Renjun chuckles, “Regretting it now?” He asks.

“Mhm, I was—did I tell you that someone almost vomited on me? Not once—twice!” The guy sighs exasperatedly, “I was pretty much ready to just walk out and head back, good thing you’re a pretty great guy, so it isn’t all that bad.”

Renjun rolls his eyes at him, deciding to switch the topic, “Wouldn’t it be funny if, by some cosmic intervention, our friends are the one’s meeting?”

The guy shrugs, smiling lazily, “I don’t believe in all that stuff so I can’t really say much.”

“Is your name John? Jerome?” Renjun asks, the guy shakes his head. “Well, it was worth the shot—oh wow.” Renjun breathes out. The fairy lights attached to the tall fences that they didn’t know that existed suddenly lights up, illuminating the backyard.

It would almost look magical if it were not for the sight of someone vomiting in the pool.

Renjun looks away, choosing to look at the stranger whose face is now slightly clearer. His sharp jaw and his gentle side profile. His brown hair is lighter than what Renjun had expected. His face is somewhat familiar—he has probably seen him somewhere. A magazine? A commercial?

Oh well, it’s not like that matters.

Renjun’s phone vibrates from his pocket, he takes it out. 

Xuxi

u can head back now if u want to

thanks for coming w me tonight

Mark says sorry

i owe u

Renjun rolls his eyes at the text—it’s exactly what he has expected. He fixes himself up before standing up.

“You leaving?” The guy asks.

“Yep, finally got the go signal from my friend,” Renjun explains, “See you around?” He says, in lieu of goodbye—out of politeness.

“Yeah, See you,” The guy waves.

And Renjun leaves, already thinking about the film he wants to watch as soon as he gets home.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“ —and the fact that they kept ending up with each other is so surreal, like what are the chances of you meeting the same person over and over again?” Renjun cries, digging onto his bowl of lo mien. “All I’m trying to say,” He says between bites, “That it’s so surreal to love someone so much you decide to forget everything about them because everything is just connected to them.”

“Hey, I’d do that!” Xuxi complains, frowning, “I mean at this point Mark has been with me for a long time now and I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost him even as a friend.” He says.

“What I’m trying to say is,” Renjun presses, “I love how it ended with them semi-getting back together—like all they had to do was talk to resolve their problems!”

“You know,” Xuxi says, after gulping down his drink, “I was really looking forward to watching that movie but now I won’t, thanks for ruining it for me.”

Renjun scoffs, “You’re just afraid of crying because you keep relating everything to Mark.”

Xuxi gives him an accusatory look, “Hey! You don’t even have anyone and yet you still cried!”

“Yes and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Renjun nods. 

They are currently sitting on the sofa, his legs folded against his chest, eating some Chinese take-outs Xuxi ordered since they both woke up late—Renjun staying up late from watching a movie and Xuxi staying up late doing god knows what. An episode of Brooklyn nine-nine playing on the television, but it’s all just white noise now that they’re talking about the night before.

Xuxi sighs to his side before sticking close to him, a mischievous smile on his face. “So you didn’t meet anyone last night?” He waggles his eyebrows.

“Stop that,” Renjun groans, “I didn’t meet anyone, I was literally just at the garden alone and—wait there was this one guy who—” He says.

“Oooh, tell me more,” Xuxi grins at him, “Got a name? A phone number?” He wags his eyebrows faster.

“No, I wasn’t able to nor did I have any intention to—” Renjun pushes Xuxi’s face away with his elbow, “Stop that,” He groans, “Your brows will fall off.”

“No, they won’t,” Xuxi says, not stopping.

“Then I’ll shave them off.” Renjun looks at him pointedly.

Xuxi slaps a hand on his forehead, “You wouldn’t.” He says in disbelief.

Renjun looks at him pointedly before looking away towards the television. He takes a bite off of the chicken that’s been sitting on his lo mien. “Be thankful I like Mark and Mark likes your eyebrows.”

“Oh, he said that?” Xuxi perks up before taking his bowl from the table again, “Hey, you’re changing the topic!”

“Yeah and it worked,” Renjun smirks.

“C’mon,” Xuxi groans, “Tell me more about this guy you met.”

“There’s nothing to say,” Renjun sighs and turns to look at Xuxi who only looks at him in disbelief, “We just talked for a while like two normal human beings interacting—”

“What did you think of him?” Xuxi interrupts.

Renjun bites the inside of his cheek, thinking of the most appropriate thing to say. The guy was what? Annoying? Irritating? Too friendly? “He’s,” Renjun hums. He points at his can of soda on the table.

“He is?” Xuxi prompts him, handing the can of soda to Renjun.

“Interesting,” Renjun states, though it sounded more like a question. They spoke too little for him to be able to form a concrete opinion—Renjun doubts he’ll ever will.

Xuxi shrugs, “I’ll take that.” A beat, “So what did you think about the party?”

Renjun shrugs, “Good? I guess?” He sips from his soda.

“What does that even mean?” Xuxi looks at him weirdly.

“It means,” Renjun says, giving the can to Xuxi for him to put it back on the table. Xuxi does so. “I don’t have enough reference on what’s considered a good or a bad party,” He explains, “But it is accurate though.”

“Accurate?” Xuxi parrots, taking a bite from his food.

“Yeah, like it’s pretty much the same as the ones from movies and shows, you know? I’m surprised we didn’t get raided by the cops, now that would be accurate.” Renjun says. Xuxi suddenly chokes to his side and Renjun almost panics.

Xuxi is suddenly laughing as he tries his best to drink his soda.

“Did I say something wrong?” Renjun looks at him, confused.

“Do you remember when we were younger and you were asking your sisters to buy you a set of Moomin plushies?”

Renjun eyes him suspiciously, “Yeah?”

“And you didn’t want to get only one because then,” Xuxi laughs, “Then, in your words, ‘they would miss each other when they finally move!’ because you expected them to move like in Toy Story. ”

Renjun punches him by the arm, “You can’t hold that against me, I was young!” He says, “Why are you even asking about the party? You’re not planning on inviting me to one again so soon, are you?”

“Of course not!” Xuxi defends, “I’m just asking because of reasons.” He nods to himself.

“Right, reasons,” Renjun nods, “And those reasons are?”

“Well,” Xuxi says, “I was thinking of hosting a party—”

“Xuxi, we are not hosting a party in here,” Renjun states. Their dorm is barely a quarter of the house they went to yesterday—clearly not meant to party at.

“It’s not going to be something like that!” Xuxi clarifies, “It will just be us, Mark and Jerome—”

“His dormmate, yes I remember,” Renjun nods.

“—And if they are free, Sicheng and Kun too!” Xuxi says excitedly.

“When do you plan to have this party?” Renjun asks, “You do realise that classes will start on Monday, right?” 

“Not soon!” Xuxi says.

Renjun lits a brow, “Then when?”

“When else?” Xuxi proudly says. Renjun stares at him. Xuxi groans, “My birthday!”

“Xuxi,” Renjun says, tilting his head slightly to the side in confusion, “Your birthday isn’t until a few months from now.”

Xuxi nods, “Exactly! We can have more time to plan!” He huffs, “It will be great! Only everyone I like is invited!” 

Renjun suddenly feels shy. Xuxi isn’t exactly the most silent person when it comes to showing affections—for his boyfriend or friends—but it’s still flattering to hear that someone treasures him.

This is one of the reasons why Renjun doesn’t think he needs more friends—Xuxi and the others are already more than enough.

Renjun, knowing that he can’t possibly say no now, resigns. He nods begrudgingly, a sigh coming out of his lips, “Okay,” Xuxi fist pumps the air in excitement, “But,” Renjun says, “We’ll plan it on November.” He says flatly.

Renjun picks up the remote, “Now let me have control over what we’re watching,” He says.

“What do you plan to watch?”

Renjun mumbles under his breath, “Christopher Robin.”

Renjun kicks Xuxi out of the sofa when he hears him mutter about him having an eighth-grader syndrome.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“You know, ranking the best to worst cup noodles would be a great idea,” Donghyuck says, sliding the plastic tray where their cup noodles are onto the table.

“Why would you even want to do that?” Renjun questions, keeping his sketchbook and pens back to his bag and taking one of the cup noodles he asked Donghyuck to purchase for him.

“Not ‘me’ it’s ‘we’,” Donghyuck says, “If we are going to make a video like that, me as the star and you as the editor, of course, we can be internet famous!” Donghyuck huffs, grinning, ”Think about it, ‘Youtuber Lee DongDonghyuck and his editor helping millions of college students save time on choosing the best cup noodles’ written on news sites. ” He sits down across Renjun, “We both have the knowledge from eating nothing but this, we might as well earn something for it and maybe drop college and live our lives as YouTubers until we’re 60!”

“You don’t even like recorded stuff, Mr. live-is-better-than-prerecorded,” Renjun states, blowing the smoke out of his cup.

Donghyuck waves a hand, “Technicalities,” He scoffs before whining, “Eating nothing but this junk all day is awful!” He dramatises.

“They do have other food, you know,” Renjun raises a brow, “You can always just order it.”

Donghyuck gives him a disgusted look, “Are you implying I should order that junk? I’d rather eat this any day!” He says while pouting, harshly mixing the noodles in.

Renjun shakes his head, a smile on his face.

This is their usual weekday. It took Renjun a month to be able to adjust with the schedules and the workload given to him by their professors. Xuxi has told him that the first few weeks—or the first year of college in general—is usually the hardest. Professors would usually test the students and this is proven to be true as Renjun just had finished the other day all the requirements they needed to pass. He slaved off day and night making illustrations and brainstorming ideas. He believes he still suffers from some kind of art block, as frustrating as it sounds, but at least he’s able to produce something so far that his professors are liking.

It’s exhausting, and Renjun didn’t really expect anything less, but he likes it. In its own way.

Somewhere in that time period, he was able to meet Donghyuck—Hyuck for short—it’s when Renjun found himself lost in their department’s building and he bumped into Donghyuck by the auditorium. Donghyuck helped him get to where he was supposed to go for his class.

Renjun still remembers the relief on Donghyuck’s face when he said that he is, in fact, an art major and not a business major before he started to promote their theatre organisation. 

“So, did you hear about the party?” Donghyuck asks between bites.

“There’s another one?” Renjun looks at him incredulously, “The semester just started—who even has the time for that?”

“Not important,” Donghyuck dismisses, almost trying to reassure him, “I assume you don’t know about it so I, your best friend, will tell you all about it.”

“Don’t invite me,” Renjun shoots him down, “I’m not interested.”

“You’re not but I am, and as my best friend, you have to listen to me,” Donghyuck smiles.

Renjun rolls his eyes, “Fine,” He succumbs, “Let’s forget that you have practices coming up for your performance—”

“—a play—”

“—play,” Renjun corrects himself, “That has all of your major subjects in it.” He stresses.

For the whole duration of his friendship with Donghyuck, Renjun knows how hard Donghyuck has been excited to do the play. From the concepts and ideas to the music and choreography, Donghyuck has been actively participating in all of it. They could even hardly hang out after school due to the number of meetings they’ve had since it’s been announced.

Though perhaps that’s all the more reason for Donghyuck to go.

“Exactly, thank you,” Donghyuck emphasizes, mock appreciation, “So there’s this party tonight.” He starts, leaning closer to Renjun.

“Uh-huh,” Renjun prompts, eyeing him as he sips some noodles, looking straight at Donghyuck. Fuck , he internally exclaims when his tongue gets slightly burned.

“And you’ll come with me,” Donghyuck states, a smile on his face.

“I just said that you shouldn’t invite me,” Renjun deadpans. Donghyuck innocently sips some of the soup.

“I’m not inviting you,” Donghyuck states, “I’m ordering you.” He smiles cheekily.

“Then more reason for me to not go,” Renjun replies, rolling his eyes as he drinks a glass of water.

“Renjunnie,” Donghyuck whines, leaning the closest he can with his upper body almost laying down on the table as he looks up at Renjun. “Please? Just accompany me?” He pouts excessively.

Renjun looks at him in disgust, “You’re making me want to pour this on you.” He motions to his cup noodles.

Donghyuck retreats, “It’ll just be for a day!”

Renjun stares at him. It’s not like he has a lot of things planned for the night, and if he’s right, Mark would be coming over tonight too. It really isn’t all that hard making a decision.

“Fine,” Renjun succumbs, “When will it be?”

“We can go by five or six—do you have any curfew?” Donghyuck asks.

Renjun hums in thought before answering, ‘I don’t know and I don’t plan on finding out any time soon.”

Donghyuck nods, “Fair,” He says, “Our dorm does and the dorm manager locks up the door as soon as it passes nine,” He scrunches his nose, “So we won’t be there long unless you plan on staying.”

“No thanks,” Renjun replies, “Will you be drinking?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, “Nah, it’ll be a chore going to class with a hangover.”

“At least you still have enough brain power for that,” Renjun says, a grin on his face.

Donghyuck stares at him, “Oh fuck you.” 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Renjun walks beside a complaining Donghyuck, in which he already tuned out minutes ago. Nodding to what he’s saying. He’s been complaining about how stressful and hard uni has been and how the party “better be amazing ” since he’s sacrificing sleep for this—despite being the one who wanted to go in the first place.

They only planned to stay for an hour or so, given that after lunch, as if their professors seemed to have heard about their plans, they decided to dump paperwork on them—making Donghyuck develop a foul mood. In frustration, he kept texting Renjun in class, going off on how awful his professor is which just made Renjun turn off his phone.

They are on the way anyways—no use on going back now, not when they are both dressed.

Following the directions that were given to Donghyuck, they soon both find themselves in a loft. It’s pretty minimalistic from what Renjun can see so far. There’s a balcony on the other side of the room, stairs to the side that leads to a viewable second floor—which seems to be the bedroom judging from the people laying there. 

The whole room is dark and filled with different kinds of red, purple, and blue party lights. The party, from what Renjun could tell, is much tamer than the last one Renjun had been into. Definitely fewer in the number of guests too. There are still some people dancing idly to the music playing, but most people seem to be lounging around with a drink in hand.

“Do you think any of our seniors will be here?” Donghyuck asks as they wade through the bodies dancing and idling, muttering ‘excuse me’s that they know wouldn’t be heard.

Renjun shrugs, “Beats me, you’re the one who got invited in the first place.” He shudders when he hears a distant sound of vomiting.

“Oh, oh,” Donghyuck exclaims, tapping Renjun by the arm as he points at the fridge, “We can get drinks there.”

“I thought we weren’t going to drink?” Renjun questions, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Listen,” Donghyuck says, “I’m not going to stay here and not at least leech off of the party, besides, who said they won’t have any soda or two?” They walk towards the fridge, Donghyuck grins wider at the different options they have. “Oh someone was prepared- prepared .” He grabs a can and throws one towards Renjun who almost drops it. He takes another one for himself and opens it.

Renjun follows Donghyuck in navigating the place, stopping once or twice when Donghyuck recognises someone from the crowd and making small chatter. It never really quite occurred to Renjun on how much people Donghyuck knows, though he shouldn’t be at all surprising considering Donghyuck’s personality. Donghyuck has a charm where he attracts people like magnets, it’s no question how being a performing arts major suits him well.

They soon find an empty spot in the couch where both of them fits. Cans of beer are scattered on the floor and table with some falling and spilling its contents. There are also crumbs and plastic bags of chips lying around. Donghyuck takes the bag of Cheetos from the table before sitting down. Donghyuck wordlessly asks him if he wants some, Renjun shakes his head.

“You know,” Donghyuck says. Renjun turns to look at him and sees Donghyuck watching the people in front of them doing their own thing, “This is the first party I’ve ever been to.”

“Wait—party in general or a party filled with wild hormonal teens?” Renjun asks, a look of confusion and surprise on his face.

Donghyuck glances at him, “The latter.”

“Ah.” Renjun nods, “Any particular reason why?”

“I’ve always been to parties—just not like this,” He motions to the scenery in front of them, “The one’s I’ve been at are usually more uptight.”

“You mean those fancy ones where you wear formal clothes and spend most of the time waiting for your parents to come back from socialising?”

Donghyuck eyes him strangely, “How’d you know?” He looks at him suspiciously before biting onto a Cheeto.

Renjun sighs, “I’ve been to those once or twice,” He explains, “My family runs a museum back home, so it’s only inevitable to be invited to those.”

“Is that why you chose to major in arts?” Donghyuck asks.

Renjun shakes his head, “Nope,” He says, popping the p, “I’ve always liked doing art-related stuff since I was younger, though I can’t say for sure that’s it’s entirely unrelated.”

Donghyuck nods in understanding, “I feel the same way but there are times where I think about if this is what I actually want, you know?” He says, “I like what I’m doing but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about the possibilities if I chose another major.”

Renjun waits for Donghyuck to say more and when he doesn’t, Renjun turns to look at him. Donghyuck’s eyes are downturned to the floor, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

Renjun waits.

“It’s stupid—”

“It’s not,” Renjun stops him. “It’s not stupid to think that or get lost in the grand scheme of things.”

Donghyuck gives him a weak smile before sighing, “I actually have friends,” He purses his lip, “I’m not sure if I could call them that since we only saw each other during those fancy parties,” A lazy smile appears on his face before chuckling to himself, “We hated being there—and maybe that’s why we got along so well,” He says, “I haven’t been able to keep in touch with them properly, it’s not like we were close with one another,” Renjun nods at the information, “The last time I heard something about them is that they’re taking the majors their parents had told them to take since we were younger and that isn’t all that scary or anything but,” Donghyuck sighs, “When I think about the time we all talked about our aspirations in the future, I’m the only one who followed through.”

Donghyuck looks at Renjun, “We’re one of the lucky ones who can follow our own dreams while others can’t.”

Renjun bites the inside of his cheek, not knowing what to say.

He knows that best, as well. He remembers Xuxi talking about his own dreams—about wanting to be a  game developer. He has talked about stories he wanted to create and show. He looked so passionate about it then, which is why Renjun was confused when he found out Xuxi took up something business-related. Though, of course, it was something they already saw coming.

Renjun’s about to say something when he hears someone yell Donghyuck’s name over the loud music. His head snaps to the direction of where the voice is coming from.

“Oh, that’s my senior,” Donghyuck says, patting Renjun on the back, “I’ll talk to him for a sec, is that okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Renjun questions.

“Your tiny ass might get lost among the crowd,” Donghyuck says with an exaggerated sad pout on his face.

“Fuck you,” Renjun scoffs, rolling his eyes before kicking him by the shin, “Just go already, it’s not like you’re going to leave me here.”

“Fuck you too,” Donghyuck gives him a flying kiss. Renjun returns with a disgusted look, sticking out his tongue. “See you later!” Donghyuck waves.

Renjun sighs, wondering what he’d ever done to always find himself alone. Deciding that it would be better to leave the crowdedness of the area, Renjun headed straight through the balcony.

The cold air hits him as soon as he steps outside. He mentally thanks his past self for going prepared—wearing a fashionable yet warm jacket this time. The sky is cloudier this time around, the moon and stars hidden amongst the clouds. The lights from the houses and street lights seem to illuminate the place, substituting the stars in the sky.

To the far left of the balcony, he notices a familiar figure leaning against the railing, probably staring at the view of houses beneath them. Renjun copies him, leaning onto the railings with both of his arms. He hears someone enter from behind him, he watches the newcomer whisper something to the figure before leaving, albeit in a hurry.

“Hey,” Renjun slightly jumps at the sound of the voice coming from his side. He sees the same face from the party before this. He has a cheeky smile on his lips and a playful glint in his eyes. His hair is swept to the side, lighter in colour than he remembers, and he’s wearing a much more casual of an attire compared to last time—a pink and white colour block sweatshirt and ripped jeans.

Renjun nods in acknowledgement, he grins cheekily. “Not-Jerome, right?”

The guy snorts, “Yep, that’s me,” He says, leaning his back against the railing, his elbows supporting him. “Got ditched?”

Renjun scoffs, “Really? that’s the thing you decide to ask me?” He chuckles to himself, looking at the view.

“Would you rather have me ask for your number?” The guy says, a hint of playfulness in his tone.

“I’d rather you not ask me anything at all,” Renjun gives him a lazy smile.

The guy smiles at him, “And yet you’re still here talking to me.”

“It’s because one,” Renjun lifts up a finger,” I’m not rude and two,” He lifts another, “You’re a bad conversationalist so I’m helping you.”

The guy leans closer, his cheeky smile widening, “If I’m so bad at starting conversations, then how are you still continuing the conversation with me?” He says with a shit-eating grin, “You actually like talking to me, don’t you?”

Renjun scrunches his nose at him, “Keep dreaming.”

“Oh? Now you want me to dream of you?” The guy says, leaning back away and yet the grin stays. “Are you sure you’re not the one flirting with me?”

“Why would I want to flirt with you?” Renjun raises a brow.

The guy puts both of his hands on his face, “Because I’m cute?”

Renjun looks at him in disgust, “Keep doing that and I might punch you in the face.”

The guy laughs, going back to his previous position. “So, what brings you here this time? I reckon you’re not fond of parties such as this.” He motions to the party inside.

“I went with a friend again and he ended up meeting a senior of his so now I’m just waiting for him to come back,” Renjun explains, “You? You don’t look as dressed up as you were the last time.”

“Keeping tabs on me, are we?” The guy winks at him, making Renjun roll his eyes. “My friend’s the one who’s holding the party, though since he just left I guess I’m the one responsible for it now.”

Renjun chuckles, “Good luck with cleaning up tomorrow morning, this will be a tough one.”

The guy scrunches his nose in distaste, “Don’t remind me, I have classes by seven tomorrow.”

“You’re definitely going to need all the luck then,” Renjun says. He glances at the guy, something was different about him but he couldn’t quite pinpoint what. “Did you change your hair colour?”

The guy lifts a hand up at his hair, tousling it a bit, looking at it before looking at Renjun, “How’d you know?”

Renjun stares at his hair before taking a few strands of hair into his fingers, looking at it, “It looks richer in colour compared to last time—your hair had a different shade of brown then.” He retreats his hand.

The guy chuckles, “Yeah, my stylist thought it would be a great time to change it up a bit.”

“A stylist?” Renjun asks in astonishment, “You actually have one? What are you? Some kind of model or something?”

The guy shrugs dismissively, “Something like that,” He says, “You should’ve seen my friend, he got his hair bleached to the lightest shade.”

“That sure sounds like a great way to get bald easily,” Renjun scoffs, “Is that why you also have a piercing too?” He asks, extending his hand to touch the dangling silver, cross-shaped earring. 

Renjun stares at it, looking at it with great interest. The earring is really pretty despite being simple and it compliments the guy’s profile well. Realising what he’s doing, Renjun immediately takes his hand away, “Sorry, was that too much?”

The guy looks at him for a moment. A beat.

He laughs, putting a hand over the lower side of his face to hide his mouth as he eyes Renjun,  “It’s fine, it’s fine,” He reassures.

“Why are you laughing? Did I do something?” Renjun asks, confused.

“Yeah, you did,” The guy removes his hand, smiling cheekily, “You’re being too cute.”

Renjun feels heat creep up his face, “Shut up.” He says, punching the guy by the arm.

The guy chuckles for a few more before answering, “Yeah, I recently got it,” He says, “You know, I wouldn’t have thought you would be the type to go to parties like this..”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Renjun raises a brow, challenging him.

“You look like a good boy,” The guy says with no hesitation, whatsoever. “It’s because you’re short,” Renjun smacks his arm, again, “Short but terrible,” He corrects himself. “You look like the type of person who would still drink milk at that age.”

“Hey!” Renjun says, “It’s a great source of calcium and I’m still growing—”

“—I’m pretty sure you stop growing at the age of eighteen or earlier—”

“—and I’ll grow old and have the ability to still dance while your bones would probably be creaking already.” Renjun huffs.

The guy grins at him, “Wanna grow old together to find out if that’s true?”

Renjun stares at him for a moment, “I fell into your trap, didn’t I?”

The guy smiles wider, “You walked right into it!”

Renjun tries his best to frown but it doesn’t stop the smile from forming on his face, “Where did your friend go anyways? Why’d he decide to hold a party if he would be leaving soon anyway?” 

“He doesn’t even like parties either,” The guy says, “He’s an idiot like that.”

Renjun smiles, “Now I see why the both of you are friends,” He says, ‘You’re an idiot too.”

“I hope you mean the good kind,” The guy says.

Renjun scrunches his nose, looking at the guy up and down — as if judging him. “I don’t think so.”

“And yet you’re still here.” The guy replies smirking with an eyebrow raised. Amusement twinking in his eyes.

Renjun juts his tongue out, “Not like I have a choice,” He says, Renjun feels his phone vibrate from his pocket. He scoops it out and sees Donghyuck’s texts displayed on the screen. “Actually, I think  I do.”

DongDonghyuck

i know i said ur gonna get lost but?!??!!??!

R

En

Ju

N 

!!!!!

u’re so short i cant even see u

where are u???

Can we pls leave now??? U would NOT want to see what i just saw

UNLESS ure goin home w someone,,,,,,eye emoji

Renjun scoffs internally, replying a quick fuck you take that back and ill see you outside . Once it sends, Renjun sighs softly to himself.

“Guess I do have a choice,” Renjun says. The guy raises a brow.

“Your friend looking for you?” He says, “I wouldn’t be able to see you either.”

Renjun scoffs, “You’re only a few inches taller than I am.” The guy smiles.

“The point still stands,” He says.

“Bye,” Renjun says, almost sing-a-song like. He slides the door open—someone probably closed it when he wasn’t paying attention—and the song choice makes him scrunch his nose.

No wonder people were grinding against one another.

“Hey,” The guy calls out making Renjun turn around, “What’s your name?”

Renjun raises a brow, “Why should I tell you?”

“We already met twice, it wouldn’t hurt to know your name.” The guy smiles.

“It might, actually,” Renjun crosses his arms, “Ever heard of ‘Stranger Danger’?”

The guy mirrors him and crosses his arms, a sardonic smile on his face, “Yes, but ever heard of ‘Strangers are just friends who you haven’t met yet’?” 

Renjun scoffs, “Well, have you ever watched Berlin Syndrome? She gets kidnapped by someone she met once.” Renjun deadpans.

The guy rolls his eyes, “Ever watched 500 days of summer?”

“Who hasn’t?” Renjun looks at him in disbelief.

“Exactly,” the guy says, ”Strangers might be blessings in disguise you know.” He winks, making Renjun cringe internally.

“You do realise that didn’t end well for them, right?”

The guy waves a hand dismissively, “Technicalities.”

Renjun stares at him, a small smile playing on his face, “Fine,” He fives in. The stranger lights up, “But only,” Renjun emphasises, “If we see each other again.”

The guy rolls his eyes again, Renjun convinced he probably has an eye problem of some sort. “Fine.” He smiles, lazily waving with a hand.

With that, Renjun turns around and leaves to meet Donghyuck. He zooms past the crowd, not paying attention to most of them until he sees Donghyuck who’s standing by the door fiddling with his phone. Donghyuck seems to have felt his presence and nods at him before opening the door and leading Renjun outside the loft. 

“I have never seen so many sweaty bodies grinding against each other at the same time,” Donghyuck exclaims as soon as they’re out, “I think I might have to cleanse my mind after that.”

“You should’ve gone out of the balcony, it was pretty chill there,” Renjun says, “The view was kinda nice too.”

Dnghyuck scrunches his nose, “I would’ve but I couldn’t,” He says, “I was practically introduced to a lot of seniors and alumnus of the theatre club, they have high expectations for me,” He yawns, “That was exhausting on its own.”

“Is that what he called you for?” Renjun questions instead, yawning behind his hand.

“Something about a writer needing to talk to a theatre student as a reference for his story? Or something,” Donghyuck shrugs, not caring much, “I honestly don’t want to, but Johnny said that the writer guy—”

“Writer guy? Seriously?” Renjun gives him an incredulous look, “Can’t even remember his name?”

“There was a lot of them in the group okay!” Donghyuck huffs, rolling his eyes, “That’s not even important,” Donghyuck dismisses, ”The important thing is, the guy will give me free meals every time we meet up.” Donghyuck crosses his arms, almost proudly.

“And that’s why you accepted, am I right?” Renjun clarifies, though he already knows the answer.

Donghyuck scoffs, “Of course!” He says in a ‘duh’ tone, rolling his eyes. “Who says no to free food?”

Renjun scrunches his nose, “Yeah yeah,” He says. Suddenly his eyes widen, an idea struck him. “Do you think you can do my homework—”

“No,” Donghyuck deadpans, “I don’t want to and besides,” He shoves his hands inside the pocket of his jacket, “You’d only order Chinese takeout.”

“That’s only a bonus!” Renjun smiles brightly, unbothered.

“Oh really now?” Donghyuck eyes him almost warily, unconvinced.

Renjun smiles sweetly yet mockingly, “The real prize is being able to hang out with me!” Donghyuck groans, bumping him by the shoulders—a little too hard that Renjun almost trips. Renjun glares at him, bumping him back.

“Why would I want to see your face more than I already do?” He says in mock distaste, huffing, “What about you?” He questions, “What took you so long?”

Renjun hums, “I was talking to someone.”

“Oh?” Donghyuck says, intrigued. He leans closer to Renjun, wagging his eyebrows, “Who is this ‘someone’?”

Renjun pushes Donghyuck’s face away, “No one of importance,” He says, “He only kept me entertained as you frolicked with others.”

“Entertained?” Donghyuck’s eyes widen in surprise. Renjun practically sees Donghyuck’s ears perk up, “What could possibly keep someone like you entertained enough to ignore me?” He asks dramatically in woe.

Renjun rolls his eyes at Donghyuck, shrugging, “Something interesting.”

Donghyuck nods slowly, listening intently, “And that is…?”

Renjun sticks out his tongue, “As if I’d ever tell you.” He says before pinching Donghyuck by the cheek and running away.

“Renjun!” Donghyuck calls out, “Come back here!”

Renjun drowns his calls with laughter.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The next time Renjun sees him is after three months since they met the last time. 

In those three months, Renjun has finally adapted pretty well with the life in university, developing a proper monotonous schedule that works for him—most of the time, at least. He’s still having troubles with sleeping at the right schedule, workload differs day-to-day after all, but he’s getting a hang of it.

There was even a time, once or twice, that he and Donghyuck fell asleep halfway through eating—after sleepless nights of doing projects together.

With the cold winter days approaching fast, it comes with the term-end examinations that everyone dreads. Donghyuck and he are no exceptions. In between Donghyuck helping a literature student for his creative writing—a guy named Minhyung, if his memory serves him correct—and Renjun with his own drawing classes, they are left to their own accord. They’d call each other, leaving each other on speaker for when they have to do stuff for classes they both have, or if they just need someone to stop them from falling asleep.

Thankfully, Renjun was able to pass by through the exams in a breeze—he’s not confident that he’s going to ace them, but it wasn’t as hard as he expected it to be. Donghyuck, on the other hand, had to take the exams a day earlier in preparation for his scheduled vacation for the holidays.

That’s how Renjun finds himself in a party, again , with both Xuxi and Mark dragging him around this time. He didn’t quite protest anymore as he sees this as an opportunity to celebrate the temporary freedom he has from the workload and to finally let go of the anxiousness he felt for the exams.

The moment they entered—which was already somewhat late into the night—people were already dancing and singing along to different Christmas carols. In hindsight, he should’ve expected the Christmas songs to be playing but he didn’t really want to imagine people grinding against each other as Santa baby plays.

Xuxi had already dragged Mark into the dance floor to dance with him—not without asking Renjun if he’s fine with being alone for the meantime. Renjun had only replied that it has happened far too often so there’s nothing to worry about.

Renjun doesn’t mind much being alone, though he did wish that Donghyuck would be there to help him pass time and to hear some juicy gossip, the party itself seems to be fun to watch so he finds himself a chair, watching the people dance with each other—mostly as couples, Xuxi and Mark are no exceptions.

Besides, at least there’s free food here—he won’t have to cook or wash the dishes, so it’s pretty much a win-win situation.

He hears someone drag a chair beside him before sitting down, he looks to his side and—

Of course .

Of course, it’s the same guy he has met. Renjun can’t quite say that he didn’t think of the possibility of them to actually meet this time around but it seemed far too much of a reach as he has never seen the guy around the campus, anyways. This is a surprise and Renjun doesn’t quite know if it’s a welcomed one or not so far.

“Fancy meeting you here,” The guy smiles smugly, Renjun already has the urge to slap it off of his face.

Renjun clicks his tongue playfully, “I’d rather not. How’d you even find me?”

He smiles cheekily, “I like how you assume that I was looking for you.”

“You wouldn’t find me if you weren’t,” Renjun replies, “You can’t find something if you weren’t looking for them.” He points out.

The guy shrugs, still keeping the smile on his face bright, “I’d say it’s fate.” He waggles his eyebrows.

Renjun mockingly puts a disgusted expression, “Again, I’d rather not,” He says, “What brings you here this time?”

“My friend left for China, so now I’m stuck here,” The guy replies.

“Must be nice,” Renjun comments under his breath.

The guy seems to hear it, “What? Getting stuck here?” He raises a brow.

Renjun rolls his eyes at him, “No,” He says, “Going to China, I mean. I could care less about you.”

The guy feigns hurt, “You care more about my friend who you’ve never spoken to than me whom you’ve met twice?”

“I was actually caring more about the action, but sure, I care more about your friend,” Renjun says, a smile playing on his face, “And we didn’t meet—those are called encounters, can be classified as unwanted if I deem it so.”

“ ‘Can be’ ,” The guy echoes, “That means you haven’t done it yet.” He waggles his eyebrows cheekily at Renjun.

“That ‘can be’ is about to turn ‘will be’ pretty soon if you don’t stop,” Renjun says, smiling his best sweet smile.

The guy holds his hands up in surrender, “Fine, I give” He says, his smile not leaving his face. Renjun vaguely wonders if this guy ever stops smiling—it seems like his normal expression at this point. The guy chuckles to himself before asking, “Why were you envious of my friend? You wanna go to China as well?”

Renjun nods, “Considering that’s where I lived, of course, I’d want to go back home.”

“Oh?” The guy says, “You’re Chinese?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?” Renjun raises a brow.

“No,” The guy says, “You don’t sound like it—and besides,” He looks at Renjun pointedly, “I don’t even know your name.”

“Oh,” Renjun exclaims. He has totally forgotten about that fact.

“Oh,” The guy echoes, “Maybe if you told me your name the last time then maybe it would’ve helped.” 

Renjun groans, “Fine,” He says, “What’s your name?”

“Why me?” The guy raises a brow.

“You’re the one who wants to know my name, so it’s only natural for you to tell me your name first,” Renjun says, “I never said I wanted to know yours anyway.” He grins cheekily.

The guy smiles at him in disbelief before shaking his head, “Alright,” He says, “My name’s Jaemin,” He extends a hand, “Na Jaemin.”

Renjun takes his hand, shaking it, “Huang Renjun.”

“You know, Renjun,” The guy—Jaemin, says, “You can also call me your soulmate.”

Renjun chokes on air, “Why would you even say that?”

“C’mon,” Jaemin says, grinning, “Don’t you think it’s fitting? We meet for three times without planning—and out of all people, we end up talking to one another.” He says, ”Sounds pretty soulmate-y to me.”

Renjun looks at him in disgust—or at least he tried to, he can’t help the smile on his face appear, “I want a refund.”

Jaemin is about to reply when Renjun hears someone call his name.

His head looks back at the dance floor and sees Xuxi grinning wide at him with Mark trailing shortly behind him. The closer Xuxi gets, the more obvious that he’s looking between Renjun and Jaemin as if he’s trying to solve a puzzle.

“Your friend?” Xuxi asks.

“Never.”

“Yep!”

Renjun looks at Jaemin at the same time Jaemin looks back at him. Renjun glares and Jaemin’s smiles only cheekier as if he has proven his point.

“See?” Jaemin says, “I told you we’re soulmates.” Renjun kicks his leg by reflex. Jaemin winces slightly but a smile is still plastered on his face. It makes him look weird.

Actually, scratch that. He’s already plenty of weird.

“Jaemin,” Mark suddenly says, “I didn’t know you guys knew each other.” He says, pointing at him and Jaemin. “Nor did I think you’d be here.”

Jaemin shrugs, “Jeno had to leave for his flight sooner than expected.”

“Couldn’t even drop by to say goodbye?” Mark questions.

“We tried looking for you, actually,” Jaemin replies, “But we couldn’t find you—I assume you were with your boyfriend here, I assume?” He motions towards Xuxi before wiggling his eyebrows at Mark, whose ears tinted red.

“Uh right,” Mark nods, mostly to himself, “Yeah, um,” He says, looking back and forth between Jaemin and Xuxi. “Jaemin this is Xuxi,” He says, motioning to Xuxi. Jaemin stands up, extending his hand—he suddenly looks so much more formal, much more business-like in his stance. He doesn’t resemble the same laid back guy Renjun was just talking to a few minutes ago. Xuxi returns the hand and he’s so much more easy-going—they are total contrast.

Renjun bites the inside of his cheek.

“I didn’t know you knew Renjun though,” Mark comments, looking curiously at the both of them.

“We’re friends!” Jaemin says, pulling Renjun by the shoulders with his arm.

“No,” Renjun says, escaping from Jaemin’s hold, “We’re not.” He glares at Jaemin, “We’re acquaintances.” Jaemin whines, Renjun ignores him. “What about you guys?” He questions Mark.

“Jaemin and I? We live in the same dorm,” Mark says before glancing at Xuxi, “Didn’t you tell him?”

Xuxi shrugs, “I remember telling him that back then.”

Renjun furrows his brows in confusion, trying to remember when Xuxi had mentioned it. Was it—It can’t be, right?

Renjun frowns, “Xuxi!” He whines, “You said Mark’s roommate is named Jerome—that’s completely different from Jaemin.”

“Oh?” Xuxi exclaims before nodding to himself, “Oops?” He smiles apologetically.

Somehow this makes Mark chuckle and fondly laugh at Xuxi. His hands go to Xuxi’s hair and patting him, almost like a puppy. “It’s alright, Xuxi.” He says, smiling. His smile looks so fondly that Renjun is almost disgusted at how sweet it is. Not to mention the way Xuxi also grinned at Mark, proud of himself for making Mark chuckle despite the clumsy mistake he made.

It’s so sickeningly sweet that their intimacy would’ve made Renjun look away if he wasn’t so used to it.

He hears Jaemin fake a cough, “Guys, we’re still here,” He glances at Renjun, “With a kid too.”

Renjun elbows him by the arm. The guy winces. Ha.

“Fucker,” Renjun mutters under his breathe.

Jaemin chuckles, “You bet I am.” Renjun looks at him, only to see Jaemin looking back. Jaemin winks.

Renjun steps on his foot with no regrets. Jaemin winces and it fills Renjun with satisfaction.

Either choosing to ignore them and their antics or simply just not paying attention to them, an embarrassed Mark steps away from a whining Xuxi before he brightens up with an idea in mind, “Ah!” He exclaims, “Why don’t we spend Christmas together?” He smiles brightly. Xuxi, who’s by his side automatically brightens up—almost comically, in the most Xuxi way possible—and looks at Renjun expectantly.

“You’re going to stay during the holidays?” Renjun asks Xuxi in confusion, “Won’t you be going back?”

Xuxi shrugs before putting an arm around Mark’s shoulders, “Nah, I already told them that I have to babysit you for the holidays—”

“—More like I’m babysitting you,” Renjun grumbles. Jaemin snickers beside him .

“— But ,” Xuxi emphasises, ignoring Renjun’s comment, ”If I can spend the holidays with Mark then that would be better!” He tightens the arm around Mark, pulling the guy closer to him.

“Not to ruin your party, but I’ll be there too.” Renjun deadpans.

“A plus!” Xuxi exclaims happily.

Jaemin fake coughs, “I would be there too,” He glances at Mark who just shrugs in response.

“Who says we can’t celebrate together?” Xuxi speaks for Mark, clearly sold on the idea, “The both of you are friends, and Mark and I are boyfriends, so we can celebrate together!” He proudly exclaims, Renjun sees the way Mark’s face turns beet red when Xuxi mentioned ‘boyfriends ’ and wonders how Mark hasn’t burnt to ashes yet.

“Well, whatever, I’m in.” Jaemin smiles, Xuxi immediately pulls him into the secret college dude handshake that somehow everyone knows besides Renjun. Jaemin looks at him almost expectantly, “What about you?”

Somehow, behind Jaemin, Renjun can see the way Xuxi and Mark look at him—almost asking him to say yes with their eyes. It’s not like Renjun has anything specifically planned to do for the day—in fact, he only planned on calling his parents and eat cup noodles while binge-watching on some cartoon or musicals (that Donghyuck had recommended)

Besides that, Renjun doesn’t really know if he wants to spend time with someone who he barely knows—because whether he likes it or not, Xuxi and Mark would probably be in their own world again which leaves Renjun with Jaemin who he—almost quite literally—knows nothing about. Renjun’s not quite sure yet if he’s ready to give up the comfort of their dorm to the possibility of uncomfortable awkwardness that he might experience.

Because talking to someone in a party is one thing compared to talking to someone whom he has no other choice but to talk to.

But also, making his friends happy by just agreeing simply—and getting to spend the holiday with them is also another thing.

Sighing, “Alright,” He agrees. He almost saw Xuxi and Mark jump in excitement. “But,” He looks at Xuxi, “You’ll be in charge of the groceries.”

“Yeah, sure!” Xuxi nods, he hugs Renjun with one arm and Renjun rolls his eyes.

“Yeah yeah,” Renjun says, ”I’m the bestest friend you ever have, yes.” He nods, but Xuxi is already by Mark’s side, excitedly planning (though Renjun doubts any of them would actually push through).

Renjun glances at Jaemin who only has a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye that gives Renjun an irresistible urge to smack him.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Remind me why exactly I’m here with you?” Renjun says as he looks at the ocean of people right in front of him. The supermarket is usually packed already as it is but it’s even more so today—on Christmas eve. The lines for the counters are so long that he can’t even tell where it ends.

“Because Mark didn’t realise that we already ran out of the other ingredients needed for his dishes and Lucas had already left the market when he realised,” Jaemin replies, taking a basket from the stacked ones next to the door—there’s only three more left. Renjun follows him behind.

Renjun gets the urge to just leave him there and runaway, “Yes I caught that part, but I don’t understand why I have to come with you.” He says as he tries to catch up to Jaemin amongst the people they pass by who have carts and baskets with them, making it hard to pass through the aisles.

Jaemin smiles cheekily, “Aww, didn’t you want to see me?” 

Renjun gives him a disgusted look, “Fuck off, I’d rather still be on my bed, thank you very much.” He says as he imagines the softness of his bed and the warmth of his blanket that could still be enveloping his body at this hour.

Jaemin chuckles, “You would’ve already been preparing to go anyways,” He pauses next to the assortment of spices, looking for something.

Looking at how the shelves are almost empty save for a countable number of products left. Christmas shopping is truly a blessing for the capitalists and a menace to civilians like them. “Wrong, I’d still be on my bed if you didn’t come and get me.” He takes a can to observe, putting it back as soon as he notices a nasty dent. “How’d you even know where I was anyway?”

"Lucas told me, how else would I know?" He replies, putting some cans inside the basket.

Renjun follows Jaemin closely behind, idly touching the rails of the shelves as they pass by. “Yeah, but wouldn’t you have to check if I was at home? You don’t even have my number.”

“But I have Lucas’,” Jaemin points out, “He said that the possibility of you leaving would be really low since your best friend is out of town so it was worth a shot anyway.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, “Of course it’s Xuxi who would rat me out.”

"He has good intentions," Jaemin hums.

"Never said he didn't," Renjun sighs, "I just wish that he would at least tell me first rather than not telling me at all."

Jaemin nods, "Yeah, I get that." He says, then after a while, "Some things are best said earlier rather than waiting for it to bubble up and explode." Renjun could only nod dumbly, not quite knowing what to say to that. Thankfully, Jaemin taps him by the elbow before he reaches into his pocket to get his phone. He hands it to Renjun, "Can you check if we have everything they listed? I'm not sure if I'll have the patience to go back if we missed anything."