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Javier was not a morning person, that was an established fact by now.
He knew it. His cat knew it. And his coach had no other option but to find out as well.
Early morning practices were just plain cruel, and he was glad that the TCC had never changed his scheduled training sessions from his usual noon slot on their charts. Everyone and their mother knew that that slot was destined to Javier Fernández and no one dared to ask for it. The Spanish skater was confident that his seniority over most of the skaters would keep his spot safe till he decided to retire someday.
Meaning: there was not a chance in hell they were messing his schedule.
But this wasn’t the TCC and the gala organizers couldn’t give two shits about seniority or morning moods.
You got up at whatever time they wanted you to, and you didn't complain. And all for some gala routine that nobody ever really memorized and just winged everything on the spot.
Am I even getting paid for this? Do I get more money besides the prize?
He forgot to check if his competition admission form said something like: "In case you somehow get in the podium, it will include morning torture and boring routines to make you want to jump off bridges".
This is what he gets for trusting Brian blindly.
Never trust the Canadians. They seem all nice but once you realize, you are standing on an ice surface at a sinful hour, ready to offer your soul to Thanos.
Given the threatening tone of Brian's call, he found himself on the rink at 9 am, deciding if he should just give up and throw himself onto the ice, and wait for the Zamboni to plow him over, or maybe just buy a bigger coffee and have a heart attack or a seizure, preferably both.
His coach had said this practice was mandatory, and that he couldn't skip it no matter what. This normally translated itself in his head as a "maybe I need to show up".
But he did sound kind of desperate though.
Maybe he thought Yuzuru was going to burn the place to the ground?
Sounded plausible.
And very realistic to be honest.
He swore he had to resist the urge to just call it a day and go back to his best friend: his fucking bed. His warm and welcoming bed.
Okay, time to stop thinking about it, Fernández.
He wasn't alone though, his moronic rink mate was happy as ever sliding around the rink like it was freaking normal to be awake at this hour. Javier should have expected it, Yuzuru Hanyu's brain worked in wondrous ways.
And all of this without a single cup of coffee.
Fucking show off.
Sometimes I hate this guy so much.
That's right, he couldn't just go back to bed and give the little shit the satisfaction, he was going to stay and man-up, because that's what Spanish people do.
Most of the time.
The Japanese skater was so deeply concentrated on fooling around with Misha that didn't even seem to realize Javier was standing there too. Javier felt his eyebrow quirk in annoyance. Why?
Should I just scare him and watch how he's gonna eat some ice? Youtube would love that, just wait till the ShibSibs get here...
Better not.
"Hey Yuzu! Having a good day so far?"
Javier caught a glance of Alex sliding calmly towards the younger Japanese boy. Yuzuru seemed to contemplate for a bit with a pout, as if there were something he couldn't remember, but after a few seconds, he perked up with a gleam in his eye.
"Yeet!" Yuzuru decided.
Javier choked and sputtered.
"Yeet? Oh god... where did you..." he heard Alex start from afar.
"Nathan teach me!" Yuzuru bounced with a triumphant smile, his pointy finger directed at the young American, who's eyes were wide with the accusatory mention of his name.
Alex glowered unbelieving at him. "Nathan! Are you serious? Did you actually ?"
Nathan had only blinked with a small quirk at the corner of his lip, trying to find some sort of excuse to delay the trouble that was creeping steadily towards him.
"Yeet!" Yuzuru squeaked unhelpfully. Nathan gaped. Javier cackled.
"Nathan! Why would you ruin him like that?" Alex shouted in annoyance, stalking scarily towards his junior. Nathan fumbled for a few seconds before taking off away from the threat. "Please! No! Beg!" he screeched as Alex chased after him.
Javier's head whipped back around when the other invited skaters started to flow into the rink, and he was glad for some distraction from the mess happening behind him.
Only when a flash of pink zoomed past him did he notice that apparently, Yuzuru had brought his new costume, some pinkish whitish thing that he probably bribed some crazy seamstress to come up with.
It was better than the Dory one for sure but...
That costume should be illegal. It was so weird even by the younger's standards.
What on earth are those arm flaps?
The way the fabric hugs his waist.
And that front cut...
"Jun-Hwan!" He almost yelled, trying to stop going down that road for the thousandth time that week, or day, who really cared anyway, "How are you, buddy?"
Jun-hwan barely dodged Javier's too-excited-for-comfort hug, he just shrugged and gave the older one his best annoyed expression, he wasn't a fan of morning sessions either, and dealing with an overgrown Spanish koala wasn't part of his plans, "You saw me yesterday?"
"Ah yes, but something might have happened while we were apart, you know?"
"I'm 16 and Korean Javi, I don't have much going for me..."
"Oh okay, well I guess-"
"Also, I have no friends, and when I decide to talk to people they just ask me if I know BTS or Exo and then I get sad and then-"
"Okay okay I get it,” Javier now remembered why he didn't dare to start conversations with Jun-Hwan more often, it always ended in some very unmanly tears and very awkward back rubs.
Why am I the only one he comes to with his sob stories? Why can't he go annoy Yuzuru instead?
Ok maybe he's better off with me, the poor kid would be traumatized and sent back to Korea.
Jun-Hwan, however, didn't notice that the Spaniard's attention was no longer on him and suddenly hugged his arm like his life depended on it, as the crying started.
Oh boy.
Where was Brian anyway? Was he expecting him to just take care of this circus all by himself?
I didn't get up for this shit.
"Javi!"
He had almost forgotten about his maniac rink buddy. The idiot just decided that somehow skating at top speed on his direction would actually be a good idea.
Fuck me.
And he actually didn't stop.
He thought the Japanese was going for one of his dramatic moves, but the moron actually seemed ready to launch himself at him. The normal reaction would be to just step away and let Yuzuru crash on someone else or just break his neck on something.
Fake cry a bit and then be free from this pain in the ass forever.
He didn't have to put up with this human monkey every single time they met. This whole "jumping on the unsuspecting-Spanish-dude" thing was getting tiring.
By the time Yuzuru was two feet away from him and still barreling at a concerning pace, Javier found it in him to yell in alarm. He put his plan in action and moved to dodge the smaller, somehow.
Oh shit.
Yuzuru’s arms suddenly reminded him of actual tentacles, by the way they extended to try and grab the Spanish skater mid-escape, but he was a tad late, his airborne body was now heading straight towards Jun-Hwan. The kid looked utterly lost, but that quickly changed when he noticed what was coming from him.
The poor kid.
His life was already miserable enough.
I guess one more time wouldn't hurt me.
Javier was quick to jump back into the scene, dooming Jun-Hwan didn't sound as appealing as before. But by the time he reached Yuzuru, the flying boy was already crashing down onto the ice.
He only had a fraction of a second to react.
Fuck it.
Yuzuru felt someone’s arms slip around his waist, trying to pull him back as he flailed, costume flapping ridiculously in the air. Suddenly, his arms felt restricted and he yanked at them instinctively, earning him a yelp of surprise from behind (it sounded unsuspectingly Spanish) and both he and his victim were plummeting towards the ice.
When Yuzuru raised his head he almost screamed. Something was grabbing his hair.
He looked to his side and his eyes fell upon what must have been a zipper, feeling every ridge dig into his scalp.
Meanwhile, Javier had landed on the ice in a full sprawl with his legs and arms everywhere, all the air knocked out of his lungs, and it didn’t help that Yuzuru landed straight on top of him. The Japanese skater had actually landed with his head somewhere on his middle.
He groaned in pain, and when his vision cleared from the impact, he’d had quite enough with the extra weight on top of him, apparently unwilling to move, “Yuzu,” Javier moaned, “Please please please get off me - I can’t breathe.”
Yuzuru grumbled unhappily, and he let out a breath, feeling some of the weight being relieved off him, but his thrill was cut short when he felt the front of his pants lift off from his crotch too and Yuzuru let out a cry of pain before flopping back down, smashing Javier into the ice yet again, but not before crushing his balls in the process.
“Yuzuru!” Javier barked.
"Kuso..I stuck!”
What does he mean stuck?
Javier’s patience was long thinning and decided to take matters into his own hands, moving them both to try to push himself up from the ground.
He finally took a moment to analyze his situation, but the last thing he expected was for his limbs to be bound in several expertly random knots amidst Yuzuru’s ridiculous arm flaps, only one of his legs spared from the tangle. What once were flappy pink pieces of sheer fabric was now a mess twisted and knotted in all different directions.
Javier tried to turn over, so he could get a better view of the problem, but almost as soon as he shifted, another loud yell burst from Yuzuru, who squawked in pain, yapping aggressively for him to quit it. Javier stopped, letting out a fuming breath that was anything but patient, and when one of the two spoke again, Yuzuru’s wavering voice emerged.
“I think my hair is stuck to your…boy.....part…”
Javier rolled his eyes.
Why isn't anyone helping?
“Fuck this,” taking in consideration Yuzuru's hair still stuck to his crotch he stopped trying to get him off him and instead began to yank angrily at the damned fabric that kept him captive. Upon noticing the Spaniard trying to destroy his beloved costume, Yuzuru started squirming and screaming but the other chose to ignore him, focusing on the task at hand.
It was a lost cause.
And then he felt a full set of teeth sink into his right arm.
What the-
Javier roared at the pain that shot from the bite and when the set of teeth finally unclamped themselves, the sensation was replaced by Yuzuru’s still screaming voice in his ears. This time he tried to make sense of it.
“Stop! You… you! Rip costume! Stop!” The pitch of his tirade was enough to shatter Javi’s eardrums.
“Well, what else are we supposed to do, genius?” Javier retorted angrily.
This is all his fucking fault.
By the time Yuzuru spoke again, his voice had shrunken so much Javier could barely hear it.
“Javi…” Yuzuru meekly whispered, gesturing with his hand to something behind them.
Javier looked up, only to understand exactly what Yuzuru must have been referring to.
They were surrounded by their fellow skaters, staring mouth open at the mess that they had ended up in the middle of the ice. The silence was awkward, but the bursting laughter that came seconds felt worse.
He already knew Yuzuru’s entire face was probably red with embarrassment, and his might as well have been too, if he wasn’t too busy glaring at the skaters who approached him.
All around them, questions and jokes started to rain.
“Dude, what the hell?"
"What exactly did you do, to get tangled up like that?"
"How is Yuzuru’s head stuck on your crotch, that is just so not spicy man.”
"Javi that's the right way to do things, ya know?"
"You are really jumping a couple of steps hein?"
Javier’s glare met their smiling eyes and he poured as much annoyance into the gaze as possible. He quickly spotted a familiar face between the group of laughing hyenas.
“Nam, stop being an asshole and help.”
The younger sputtered with laughter. “Nah bro, I think you two are just fine the way you are.”
His honking laughter only managed to annoy Javier even further as he tried his best to look pleadingly up at someone, anyone. He turned to Nathan who had Shoma and Boyang on by his side, they had apparently trailed behind his useless friend to see what was going on.
The American skater was chuckling heavily with one hand over his eyes, curls bouncing as his full form shook with laughter; so much that he clung onto to Boyang’s arms to keep himself upright.
Not that it was helping much because the said skater was laughing with a similar intensity.
Clearly, none of the two was in a suitable condition to help them, so his eyes flickered to Shoma, which was a bit of a lost effort, as the boy’s face was fully flushed, his wide eyes staring at his senior's embarrassing current situation.
I'm surrounded by idiots.
Useless, all of them.
Just when he thought things couldn't get worse, Javier cursed inwardly when he spotted Alex waving his arms frantically as Maia scrambled to extract their vlogging camera from its bag on the side of the rink.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Javier would have pitied himself further, but he felt his friend's head press into him as if calling for his attention back.
“Ow Yuzu, what the fuck?”
Yuzu glared up at Javi’s face, complexion still red as he dug his skates into the ice and tried to pull the taller up with him, giving Javier no choice but to get up as well, the smaller now bent forward and his head still on his zipper, "Do you want stay here? No one help us! I need Brian get you off me!” he emphasized as he took another aggressive drag towards the side of the rink.
His head dug impossibly hard into Javier’s crotch, as he pushed their entangled form across the ice, and the Spanish skater yelled in pain at his balls getting squished. Figuring it would be better to start helping or risk getting his sensitive parts hit again, he ignored the pain and tried to skate along.
“This is all your fault!”
Yuzuru stomped his skates angrily on the ice. “You dodge hug! Make me stuck and now I get hair ripped and costume ruined!” he wailed. Javier tried desperately to ignore the choking laughter echoing through the rink.
When the Japanese managed to reach the edge of the rink, he smashed Javier into the boards making him howl again, another burst of laughter resounding from their allegedly friends.
God, I hate them.
He wanted to direct his icy glare to the Shib’s godforsaken camera and release his well held back profanities, but he couldn’t find it in himself to ruin his career just yet.
I'm sure there will be better opportunities in the future.
When Javier finally managed to look at himself again, he noticed he wasn’t standing.
It was more towards hanging off of Yuzuru’s stupid costume with one of his skates barely touching the ice, but he couldn’t complain much when he saw Yuzuru’s state.
Sure, he was skating all well with his two feet, but he was practically folded in a half, his entire torso bending backwards, and head stuck on Javier’s crotch, where his hair had tied unforgiving knots on the zipper of his trousers.
Thank god for Yuzuru’s flexibility.
Javier’s relief was short-lived as he heard Yuzuru’s pain-filled whimper and wheeze of breath; he was obviously having trouble breathing with his new position. The skaters had been kind enough to open a path for them to exit from the rink but Javier made an extra effort to throw an icy-enough-for-two (Yuzuru wasn’t really in a position where he could give his own) glare at every smiling eye in the rink as he hopped on his free leg to propel them forward, Yuzuru’s grounded skates helping them slide off from the ice, as they reached the exit of the rink.
When Javier finally summoned the courage to face a floor they wouldn’t just be able to glide on, he pushed the two of them off the ice and the change in friction almost had Yuzuru tumbling over, almost bringing Javier down too.
By the middle of his pants.
“Ngh! I kick you if I could!" Yuzuru half-wheezed, half-wailed.
What have I done in my past life to deserve this?
After a slim escape from the horrific predicament, they had established a rhythm Javier was quite proud of; they were advancing quickly forward with Yuzuru’s two legs doing the walking and Javier’s single limb hopping after him, he chose to ignore the fact that Yuzuru grunted in pain with every skip Javier took, his hair being yanked up and down along with the rest of Javi’s body as he hopped.
Almost there.
Halfway down the hallway, Yuzuru had started to slow down considerably and soon, he had stopped, upper body practically dropping, the exertion of having to walk with his body folded backwards, unable to straighten himself up, became too much to handle.
Javier’s eyes widened when Yuzuru started panting heavily, simply unable to continue as his breathing got more and more frantic and his entire form shook with effort in holding himself on the uncomfortable position.
Goddamn it, hold on.
He let out a moan of discomfort, and the taller found himself so worried that he decided to kneel down with so Yuzuru lay back, resulting on him falling head first onto his lap.
The smaller practically flopped down as soon as he could, body still shaking from the exertion.
He looked visibly spent, and Javier felt his insides flip all over the place. They needed help. Fast.
It had gotten pretty obvious that the two were in no position to move any further, Javier cursed, trying to drag them across the floor with his single leg, but not two feet later, he gave it up.
Taking a deep breath, he screamed at the top of his lungs. “Brian! BRIAN!”
A round of laughter from back at the rink. “SHUT UP!” Javier screamed.
His outburst had only invited more of the jeering noises.
This is really not a good time, you morons.
Minutes later, he sighed in relief as his coach burst from the doors across the hall, fear etched in his expression.
When they met each other’s gazes, the concern melted straight off of Brian’s face, an annoyed one taking over. He stalked angrily towards his students.
“What the fuck, Javi? What did you do?”
“This is not what it looks like! And why is this automatically my fault!?” Brian raised an eyebrow at him, and a choked gasp fought its way into his hearing.
He looked down at the still wheezing Yuzuru, now with tears leaking out of his eyes. Brian hurriedly assisted Yuzu with the handy inhaler he always kept in his pocket, but not without glaring at Javier the entire time. Javier didn’t think it was fair at all, but there would be time later to explain.
Just please make him breathe.
Yuzuru’s breaths had evened out slowly, and Brian sighed loudly to exemplify his irritation as if it wasn’t visible enough. The coach helped lift Yuzuru’s body while guiding Javier closely behind. The Spaniard hopping frantically after his rink-mate.
“Brian, why does this happen? Why Javi’s pants want my hair?” he sobbed.
Brian smiled, but his face showed anything but amusement, he still tried to lift the current mood besides their situation, “I think I have an idea. Javi’s pants want to make me a damn wig to replace all the hair you’re making me lose!”
Javier would have snorted out loud, but he thought it was better to just stay silent. Yuzuru was finally breathing normally again, and they would get out of this whole mess.
I don't want to find out how this night can end up even worse.
By the time they had reached the locker room, Yuzuru had melted into a puddle back on the floor, Javier forced to kneel down beside him. Brian immediately got to work, unwinding and untying the angry knots that bound Yuzuru’s hair to Javier’s pants. Brian reached for his zipper, and the skater panicked.
“Hey hey hey what are you-”
“What do you want me to do?” Brian barked, the other shut up immediately at the prospect of angering their savior further.
It must have been an hour before Brian had finally managed to get Yuzuru’s hair out of its tangled state, and Javier’s arms earned their freedom a while after. The knot on his foot was especially harsh, and Javier could see Brian’s face redden as he fumbled with the cloth that refused to give in.
To say Javier was frustrated, tired and annoyed at all of this would be an understatement, and in a momentary flash of red, he yanked his leg away from Yuzuru, hearing the fabric tear, and in the same moment, triumphant bells could be heard in his head as he stood, brushing himself off contently.
Yes!
“Finally! My poor pierna…” Javier practically sang.
He swore he heard the birds chirping and the wind blowing at his hair the way it would, at the top of a grassy hill, but a whimper cut the vision off.
What-
Javier looked back down at Yuzuru, who was holding his torn costume with wide, watery eyes. His whole form had begun to shake, and when the quaking couldn’t get any more desperate, Yuzuru opened his mouth and let out a loud, miserable wail.
Uh oh...
Maybe that wasn't the best move.
Javier looked innocently up at Brian, who was staring at the scene incredulously. He began to fabricate the beautiful excuse that he had lost his balance, that his leg “just went down on its own”, but before the younger could even begin his tirade, Brian was already storming out of the room.
“I’m not fucking dealing with this too, I’m out”, was the last thing they both heard before he slammed the door behind him. The skater gaped at the door, betrayed, for a few seconds before he was reminded again of Yuzuru’s sorry state by another loud yowl that pierced through the air.
Javier scrambled back to his side, rubbing his back hurriedly while freaking out inside.
Oh shit.
What should I do?
Another drowning sob. It made Javier feel miserable.
Please stop crying, or I'll start crying too.
He jumped into action, his fried brain giving out on him, instinct taking over. He scooted closer to Yuzuru, taking him into his arms, and babbling frantically as his hand stroked through the pulled hair in a way that was more of a ruffle, anything but comforting.
“It’s okay cariño, te amo, te amo, don’t cry please!” The words spilled out of his mouth, Javier was so far from giving a damn about being discovered, and dear God he just wanted Yuzuru to stop crying.
He didn’t know if he had a hidden talent for comforting or if Yuzuru was insane, but the sobbing was cut off almost immediately, and Javier’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The older looked at Yuzuru’s face, who’s gaze was now fixed unmoving on him; red, puffy eyes barely quivering anymore as he looked at his rink-mate with a shocked expression.
“What?” Javier asked in a small voice. Yuzuru blinked once, twice.
“Wh-what you say? T-te amo?”
Javier gulped.
He fucked up.
Try to get away from this one now, you idiot.
He laughed, and even to his own ears, it sounded as fake as his constant murderous thoughts towards his training mate.
“Ahhh… yes! I said 'te amo' and it means 'stop fucking crying' in Spanish I didn’t know you were interested in my lang-”
“Javi lie...I know what it means…” Yuzuru tipped his head, having long forgotten his ripped costume, and his eyes were filled to something that reminded the Spaniard of...hope?
Fuck. Me.
“Oh, you do? Really impressive! But I said 'cariño' afterward and that means just kid-”
Not a chance.
“I know what that means too," the smaller cut in, his expression having completely changed and seemed to dare him to keep lying.
“Goddamn it, since when do you understand Spanish?” Javier roared. Yuzuru flinched slightly, mouth opening and closing with no words coming out. The older sighed heavily, putting his head in his hands. This was getting out of hand really fast.
Why did I wonder how could this day get any worse?
“I learn because I want tell you...... something…” Yuzuru squeaked shyly, "and learn only these words for later..."
Javier’s head snapped up to look incredulously at his rink-mate, whose knees were now drawn up so high that only his shy eyes peeked out.
Inside his head, things finally connected.
He actually learned these words? For me?
He stared into the wide orbs before tentatively reaching forward to cup Yuzuru’s cheek.
“R-really?” he only got a shy nod in response.
Wait, what? How...?
“Well… in that case, te amo?” Javier’s face felt like it was on fire.
After everything....?
Yuzuru practically glowed, his smiling face rising out from its little den in his knees (like the sun rising from the hills, Javi thought), arms extending to throw themselves around the Spaniard's still completely unbelieving state.
“Te amo! Te amo! Honto ni te amo!” he squealed frantically into his chest.
Díos, why didn't I rip one of his costumes earlier?
Javier smiled, letting his own arms wrap around Yuzuru’s excitedly quivering form.
“I know what that means…I really love you too.”
Yuzuru extracted himself from the hug only to rub his nose against Javier’s before planting a chaste kiss on his lips. The older’s cheeks flared, looking back at Yuzuru’s questioning face before returning the favor, earning a delighted giggle. The smaller pulled Javier back into his arms, humming contently.
Until they both almost jumped out of their skins, at the loud bang on the door.
“Are you done yet, Jesus Christ...” Brian’s loud voice boomed through the room.
“Yeah! Everything is fine!” the Spaniard shouted back.
Everything was more than fine.
He pecked Yuzuru’s lips one last time before standing, offering a hand to hoist Yuzuru up with him.
“Come on cariño, let’s get back to the rink.”
Yuzuru smiled, linking his hands with Javier, and together, they made their way to the door.
"I'm sorry about your costume, I really didn't mean to ruin it", the taller one whispered, looking truly regretful.
But I still would rip a thousand more costumes of yours, if it meant finally having you like this.
"Don't matter, costume not important," looking at the taller's blinking expression, he stood on his toe picks and let his forehead rest against Javier's, "I have Javi."
-
At the gala
"You know, Javi is going to have to take off his pants...and Yuzu has a ripped costume..."
"I fail to see your point Alex?"
"I just mean...should we wait for them, at all?"
Nam's honking laughter echoed through the room.