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"... You need someone to go to Career Day with you?"
"Well, technically, no," Peter relented. At Tony's unimpressed stare, he immediately amended, "I mean, it's not totally life or death if you can't go. Is what I mean. It's just, all the other kids have people that are going, and, well, I'd bring Aunt May, but–"
"Explosive diarrhea?" Tony put in, very unhelpfully. Peter's ears turned a little red and he gave a slight frown. "Uh, gross, Mr. Stark, no. More like, the other end."
Both of them wrinkled their noses at Peter's word choice. Quickly, he explained, "Explosive vomiting. We've been getting takeout for a week because she can't cook. Well, she can't cook anyway, but this is more takeout than usual."
Tony nodded. "So..."
"So," Peter continued, "I was just wondering if you could come instead. Again, you don't have to, it's just, it'd be really nice to fit in with all the other kids."
Tony gave him a somewhat sympathetic nod. Peter continued slowly, "Y'know, finally feel like a part of the class. Not be a complete social outcast; maybe make some new friends, become–"
"Kid, I see your guilt trip and I first off, nice try, but totally unnecessary. I'll go."
"Really?!" Peter exclaimed before he clammed up again, "I mean, cool, thanks. You sure you aren't busy?"
"What day was this again?"
"Next Friday."
"Oh, yeah totally free." Tony laughed, "Nothing on that day at all."
Pepper stepped down the stairs. "Nothing on that day except three very important meetings that we absolutely need you to be there for and that tiny little unimportant speech you're going to make for the president, right, honey?"
"Oh, yeah, none of those sound particularly pressing to me," Tony said, mostly to Peter, who he stuck his arm around before turning his attention back to Pepper, "You can handle all of those. Right, honey?"
"Unfortunately," Pepper simpered, pressing a kiss to Tony's cheek, "No."
Tony wrapped his other arm around Pepper's waist, who was now paying mind to the youngest. "Sorry, Peter."
"No, no, it's okay." Peter replied, only letting a little bit of his disappointment slip into his voice, covering it up with a gentle smile.
"I can go." called another female voice. The three jumped, turning towards its owner. Natasha gave a wave, not bothering to look up from her phone. "Hi."
"How long have you been there?" Tony asked.
"Only a few minutes." Natasha lied. Tony gave her a disbelieving stare.
She checked her watch. "A few hours."
"Huh. I thought that I smelled something..." Tony trailed off, motioning to the room and audibly sniffing, "Smith-y? Are you sure your name's Natasha? Not... Jane?"
"Mr. Stark, how have you watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith but not Two Weeks Notice?"
Natasha sighed loudly as Pepper lowered her voice and whispered, scandalized. "You've never seen Two Weeks Notice?"
Natasha ignored them, looking to Peter, who had the sudden inane thought to wonder if he was allowed eye contact with the Black Widow.
"I mean, you can pick someone else if you want, but sounds like your family's busy, Tony's really busy– don't give me that look, Pepper, shut him up– and the Avengers are either out of state or busy making out with each other. I could go join them, but Clint is still trying to bribe me into biting him, thanks for that idea Peter, and Bucky wants to figure out the internet so I'm avoiding both of them right now."
"The internet ships you with Steve, you could kiss him." Peter piped up.
"Is that you letting me down gently or a legitimate suggestion?"
Peter mulled it over for a moment. "More of the second one but not really either."
Natasha hummed. "So I'll see you next Friday?"
Peter momentarily paused as his mind slowly caught up to the rest of the world. Black Widow wanted to go to Career Day with him. Black Widow wanted to go to Career Day with him.
Peter tried holding back his smile (and failed) when he replied, "Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great."
--
to: Ned Leeds
from: Peter Parker
(7:25) city slinger: guess who I'm going to career day with
(7:28) guy in the chair: TONY STARK
(7:28) city slinger: surprise surprise
(7:28) city slinger: no
(7:29) guy in the chair: what
(7:29) guy in the chair: is may going
(7:29) guy in the chair: is she done projectile vomiting
(7:29) city slinger: also no
(7:30) city slinger: guess again
(7:30) guy in the chair: ugh no too much work
(7:30) city slinger: neeeddddddddd
(7:31) guy in the chair: idk I was gonna guess the least cool avenger but they're all cool
(7:31) city slinger: I'm offended
(7:31) guy in the chair: :)
(7:33) city slinger: ew smiley faces and also it's bLACK WIDOW
(7:34) guy in the chair: what
(7:34) city slinger: Natasha!!! Black Widow!!!!!
(7:35) guy in the chair: I bet she'd be disappointed by your exessive amounts of exclamation points
(7:35) guy in the chair: *excessive
(7:35) city slinger: why aren't you more excited about THE black widow coming to our school
(7:36) guy in the chair: bc I'm thinking about how flash is gonna shit his pants and at first it was gratifying but now it's grossing me out
(7:36) city slinger: ew ew ew
(7:36) city slinger: why did you do that to me
(7:36) guy in the chair: :)
(7:36) city slinger: stop it tony stark would disapprove of your emoticons
(7:36) guy in the chair: :(
(7:37) city slinger: I'm leaving bye
(7:37) guy in the chair: wait peter no
(7:44) guy in the chair: :(((
--
"Wait, were you serious last night?" Ned asked, closing his locker.
"Yeah, I'm totally serious." Peter replied.
"How serious?"
"Super serious. Like, 100% serious."
"That's really serious." Ned said in fake-awe. Peter gave him a smug smile. "I know, right?"
"Hey, losers." MJ greeted kindly, catching up with them.
"Hey, MJ." they chimed in unison.
"Who do you guys have coming for Career Day?"
"I have my mom." Ned proudly said. "She's a doctor."
MJ took a bite of her apple. "I approve of women taking on male-dominated careers and trying to make it despite knowing that they will ultimately be more challenged and have various disadvantages compared to their male counterparts."
"Thanks?"
"You're welcome." she replied, without missing a beat. "What about you, is May still occupying your bathrooms?"
"Uh, yeah, she is."
"Cool. Who are you bringing?"
Peter mentally paused. He supposed that she would find out anyway, but... "Who are you bringing?"
"My mom. She's a firefighter."
"Strong moms club!" Ned grinned, holding his hand out for a high five. MJ obliged.
Ned caught Peter's eye and revised, "Plus May, an equally cool aunt!"
Peter laughed and gave him a high five as well.
"So back to the subject," MJ said, squinting her eyes because she meant business. "Who are you bringing?"
"Peter's bringing Black Widow." Ned blurted out. Peter sighed. It didn't really matter; Natasha was going to show up on Friday anyway.
"Coolness," MJ said with a surprising air of casualty. "She's my favorite Avenger."
"Really?" Peter asked.
"Yeah, she's the only woman on the original team, plus, she could probably fight in heels. I don't think the Hulk or Captain America could fight in heels."
"Maybe Tony Stark could." Ned wondered aloud. They thought it over as Peter immediately turned as red as the Iron Man suits.
"Plausible." MJ agreed, finishing her apple and tossing it away. She turned back to Peter. "So do you think Black Widow could sign my feminist poster?"
"MJ..." Ned said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Are you... a fangirl?"
Peter and Ned fake gasped. MJ scowled as the boys tried their best not to giggle.
"Shut up."
--
"Peter is not getting on your motorcycle."
"It's a perfectly safe method of transportation. I've been riding it for years."
"Natasha, no."
"Mr. Stark, I could totally ride on Natasha's super cool bike–"
"Peter, no." Tony glared as Natasha glared just as hard and said, "I'm just going to pretend you did not just call my Red Star a bike."
"In that case, I'm good with a car as well." Peter adjusted. Pause. "Sorry, Natasha."
"Uh, question," Tony interjected, "Why does she get to be Natasha while I'm still at Mr. Stark? Did I miss some bonding time? Do we need to watch Star Wars for the twelfth time?"
"And I prefer to be called Mistress Romanoff, Red Head of the Century and–"
Natasha ended the title with a spew of long Russian words that Peter didn't understand. "Uh, sorry, Mistre–"
"I don't like it, it sounds way too BDSM. Totally inappropriate. Have you thought of just calling yourself the Red Bitch? Oh wait, that's my name, sorry. Red Bitch #2?"
"Swearing in front of a child; totally inappropriate, Tony. And, you could call me the Original Spider, since it's shorter. If not, you're just going to have to go with Mistress Romanoff, Red Head of the–"
"Tony!" Pepper said with a cry.
"Huh," Tony remarked. "That doesn't sound like the original title."
"Tony, you have to be on a plane to Italy in fifteen minutes!"
"It's my plane, Pep, it can't start without me."
"But the meeting will, we have to go right now."
"I don't know, I'm not really feeling it right now–"
"Tony. Now."
"Sorry guys," Tony grinned as Pepper dragged him away. "Good luck with the Murder-Mistress, kid."
Peter waved. "Can we take the motorcycle?"
"No!" both Pepper and Stark exclaimed, sounding a bit gobsmacked at the mere suggestion. The door slammed.
"We don't have to take my car. I can hotwire one of Tony's cars." Natasha drawled, shrugging on a long brown coat. Peter didn't want to get in trouble for agreeing with her kind of really cool plan so he ignored her.
"So do you actually want me to call you Mistress Romanoff?"
"Just Nat will do. Just don't tell Tony, he's been trying to give me a nickname for years without having me chop off one of his limbs."
--
group chat name: batman is best avenger
to: Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones
(8:32) city slinger: guys I'm in the car with black widow
(8:32) guy in the chair: OMG!!!!
(8:32) guy in the chair: tell her I would kill you for her
(8:32) city slinger: aggressive but okay
(8:34) city slinger: she says she appreciates it
(8:34) Michelle Obama: Tell her I would chop you up into tiny little pieces and bake you into a pie for her
(8:34) city slinger: why do you guys wanna kill me so much
(8:34) guy in the chair: isn't it sort of a thing in order to be a fan of black widow
(8:35) guy in the chair: that you'd have to be willing to kill for her
(8:35) Michelle Obama: Yeah, that's what I heard anyway
(8:36) city slinger: she said thanks and also that I might need new friends
(8:36) city slinger: she also wondered if she needs to investigate you two
(8:36) guy in the chair: I agree with all of the above
(8:36) Michelle Obama: Same
(8:36) city slinger: but if you aren't friends with me then you can't be friends with spiderman and get that clout
(8:37) Michelle Obama: It's okay, we'll be friends with Natasha fucking Romanoff
(8:38) guy in the chair: peter I'm joking ily but also I'm okay with what MJ said
(8:39) city slinger: nat said that she wants you guys to refer to her exclusively as Natasha fucking Romanoff
(8:39) Michelle Obama: Obliged
(8:39) guy in the chair: wait
(8:40) guy in the chair: you have a nickname for the BLACK WIDOW?? peter when you become best friends with an avenger you have to tell me these things
(8:40) city swinger: I'm besties with all of the Avengers ;)
(8:41) guy in the chair: peter what the hell
(8:41) guy in the chair: also is that an emoji I see
(8:42) city swinger: fuck
--
Peter always felt small when he walked through the busy halls of his school. People were always buzzing with conversation, the sound occasionally overwhelming. He always felt disconnected; until he reached Ned or MJ. They call the look on his face before they reach them his Lost/Sad Puppy face, which is somewhat embarrassing, but less embarrassing than if Tony caught word of it. Ordinarily, he just misted through the people, unnoticed and unacknowledged, which was fine by him. He didn't need the extra attention.
Right now though, was the universe making up for all of the attention that he had missed. Students stopped, screeched, gasped, moaned, burst into tears and one person fainted.
Peter found himself turning redder and redder but Natasha didn't even acknowledge them. If Peter had this kind of attention on him all the time like she likely did, he would probably sink into the ground and die.
"Natasha fucking Romanoff!"
Natasha held back a smile. MJ was holding back a smile of her own, but doing a worse job of it. Ned trailed after her anxiously. "I didn't think you would actually do it!"
Natasha leaned down to Peter. "I like her."
MJ beamed at the compliment before remembering she was supposed to be aloof. Ned seemed to just be going through a stream of holyshitholyshitholyshit in his head, if his starstruck eyes were anything to go by.
"Guys, it's 8:53, we're gonna be late." Peter stressed.
"You think they're gonna get mad at us when Natasha fucking Romanoff is with us?" Ned asked, incredulous.
"You probably shouldn't call me that in front of your parents. Or teachers." Natasha said, raising her eyebrow.
"Who knew you'd disapprove of breaking the rules?" Peter said.
"No, I only disapprove of you three losers breaking the rules. If Tony finds out I got any of you expelled or grounded he'll try to make sure I never lay eyes on any of you in the future."
"Tony Stark could prevent you from doing something?" asked MJ, insulted by the idea.
"I said he'd try, didn't I?" Natasha said, smirking harder. She walked faster. "Pick up the pace, losers."
MJ grinned. "I like her."
--
They were definitely late. Like, five minutes late. 9:02 late. School started at 8:55. The teacher couldn't seem to muster up the courage to reprimand them when Natasha fucking Romanoff was glaring at her.
Ned and MJ still got told off quietly by their moms though, because not even the Black Widow can prevent the wrath of moms.
Everybody's attention was on Natasha, but the Career Day attendees still spoke as if anyone aside from the teacher and Peter was listening.
MJ's mother was just as much of a feminist as MJ, speaking of the hardships of being a woman in a man's world.
Ned's mother was just as sweet and patient as Peter remembered her to be throughout his childhood.
Flash's aunt, Lea, spoke about acting and was much kinder than anyone should plausibly be when they're related to Flash.
As more people spoke, Peter found himself spacing out like everybody else in his class. Sally's mom was up and, to be honest, he wasn't really all that interested in the plumbing business and all of it's ins and outs (literally.)
"Peter," Ms. Atkinson called, before timidly finishing, "And Ms. Romanoff."
Natasha confidently strode up to the front of the class while Peter awkwardly followed. Unlike the others, who had rambled and tried to joke to get the class' attention, Natasha already had Peter's peers' rapt focus. She got right to the point. "My name is Natasha fucking Romanoff."
A little bit too much to the point. Most of the adults in the room looked appalled. Peter burned red, which had become all too often of a thing for him to do.
"And I'm the Black Widow," she said charmingly, "I've saved the world a few times. Any questions?"
Nearly everybody's hands were raised. Some students were drooling.
"Will you thigh choke me?" shouted a student, far louder than necessary. Natasha's eyes narrowed. Peter could see the gears turning in her head. He jabbed her before she could make his peer cry, accidental or not. Natasha sighed. "Next question."
She pointed to a kid with glasses in the third row.
"Are you dating Captain America?"
Natasha squinted her eyes again. "No."
She signalled at another student who had their hand up.
"How many people have you killed?"
"Probably enough to populate a small country, next question."
"How many ways can you kill someone with a pencil?"
"I'd love to find out." Natasha said sweetly, "But so far I've found five."
Ms. Atkinson sighed.
They did manage to get a few good questions in, but not without garnering some others that resulted in Natasha doing Natasha Things and parents being Parental. Ms. Atkinson finally waved them off with a heave of relief. She had grey hairs for a reason.
There were a few other parents and relatives that went up to present as well, but most students were trying to sneak Natasha onto their insta stories. It was hopeless.
Flash, just spent the entirety of the class glaring at the back of Peter's head. What the fuck, Parker.
--
The rest of the day passed in a blur. Flash hadn't really bothered him all day, so that helped with the day's easy-breezy tone.
However, Peter had felt Flash's mopey glare on him a lot, especially while Natasha was by his side. She hadn't left all day, despite her being perfectly capable of doing so since she wasn't needed for his other classes. And yet, every time he exited his class, there she was, leaning against the wall all prim and proper. Despite this, he doubted she actually stayed there, waiting for the bell to ring, just to chaperone him to his next class. He wondered if he should ask, but he knew that Natasha wouldn't do anything actually bad or harmful. Probably. Most likely.
At 3:05, the final bell rang and students hurried out of their classes, slinging their backpacks over their shoulders or rushing to their lockers.
By the time Peter got to his, Ned was still making his way through the halls from English. Peter shoved his books into his locker, keeping only his Spanish binder and science textbook to complete his homework later.
"Hey, Penis!"
Peter inwardly groaned and slammed his locker shut as Flash appeared over his shoulder.
"How'd you get an Avenger to come to Career Day with you?"
Peter spun his lock back to zero, steadfastly ignoring the boy behind him.
"I thought you were riding on Iron Man's dick, what happened to that?"
Flash followed behind him like an annoying little shadow as Peter dodged the crowds and stalked over to the doors. He had really been looking forward to talking to Ned after school.
"Does Tony Stark know you're cheating on him?" Flash asked, reaching his hand out to Peter's shoulder. He saw it from a mile away, but he let Flash stop him and spin him around. Flash did his best to stare him down, his face set in an angry scowl.
"C'mon Penis, how the fuck did you get the hottest Avenger to come to school with you?"
Peter found himself wishing that Ned was there beside him. Everything was easier if Ned was with him.
Something else happened instead.
"I appreciate the compliment, but I've been told that it's disrespectful to swear in a school setting," Natasha tilted her head, "I didn't agree before, but. I'm reconsidering."
Flash immediately went at least three shades paler. Natasha stuck her hands into her coat pockets as he continued to stare. She raised her eyebrows. "So. What are you still doing here?"
He tucked tail and hurried away.
Natasha rested her arm on Peter's shoulder, letting her fingers run through his curls casually. "Tony doesn't know about him."
That wasn't a question.
"Well, I mean..." Peter swallowed, struggling to come up with a way to ensure she wouldn't tell him.
"I'm not going to tell him," Natasha reassured and Peter let out a sigh of relief– "But I will."
Never mind about that sigh of relief.
"He bothers you, you text me," Natasha said, "I don't care if all he does is look at you funny, you're texting me about it."
"I don't have your number." Peter mumbled. Natasha dug her hand into the pocket of his jeans and took out his beat-up phone. She looked at him, unimpressed. "You need a new phone. You have an internship with Tony Stark, you dork."
Peter gave a weak laugh as she punched in her number.
"If he bothers you a little too much for my liking, I'm going to tell Tony." Natasha stated. Peter groaned.
"And, don't even think about not telling me stuff," Natasha said, reading his mind, "I will find out about it."
She leaned in real close. "I'm Natasha fucking Romanoff."
Peter nodded, awed and afraid all at once.
"Badass." gaped Ned. MJ stood beside him, looking impressed.
"You two give me your phone numbers too, I don't trust Peter to tell me the big things. Or the small things. Or anything."
Peter looked like he was about to protest, but Ned and MJ both whipped their heads to him and said in unison, "She's right."
Peter sighed. She was right.
She put her number into their phones too.
"If I get any unknown calls or texts after this, I'm removing your right to call me Natasha fucking Romanoff."
They all nodded with starry eyes.
"Peter, you're coming with me, I'm your ride. You have two minutes."
She turned and left.
The three friends just stared at each other for the first half of the first minute. Peter was still minutely freaking out, Ned was definitely freaking out and MJ may be freaking in? She looked chill as ever, so it was hard to tell.
"Dude!" Ned said in a hushed tone despite still being very loud. "That was so cool!"
"It was pretty awesome." MJ agreed.
"I'm still not happy about having to text her all the time now, but..." Peter trailed off, staring at Nat in Mr. Stark's Audi. A smile tugged at his lips. "I like her."
((seconds later, Ned exclaims "Same!" very loudly.))
((they return to Tony's safely, and he's only mildly annoyed when he sees them pulling up in his car.))
((MJ didn't get her poster signed, but it's the perfect excuse to make Peter let them come over to the compound later.))
((and if Flash receives a passive aggressive note with angry faces drawn on it and a warning to leave Peter alone, that was none of Natasha's business.))