Chapter Text
There was a slight cool breeze coming from the balcony entrance that caught Jihoon’s attention. For the past hour that he had been awake, he had spent his time lying awake in the comforts of this bed. Despite the nice cool weather that day, which was perfect for a walk, Jihoon didn’t have the energy to leave his bed at all.
What’s the point?
A sigh escapes his lips. It was just another meaningless day within the confinement of his garden. Soonyoung wasn’t coming back.
Jun wasn’t the type to wake up early but there was something about that day that made him get up from bed and go for a walk. The dorm was still silent but he could hear shuffling in the kitchen. As he walked passed the kitchen to leave by the back door, he spots Mingyu's blaring neon orange hair by kitchen counter, where the taller was brewing coffee, again.
“Is it new? It smells different.” Jun approaches the center island where Mingyu was working on, taking a sniff of the aroma the grinded coffee beans released.
“Oh… not really. It’s Jihoon's usual. I only ever get to make this when he's back from his promotions.” Mingyu explains.
“Ah… you don't plan on adding this one on the menu? It smells really nice.”
“I won't. This is specifically for Jihoon only. Besides, we have way too many unique flavors in the menu and only Vernon and I can make them. We don’t need another addition to the menu.” Mingyu sighs. A memory of a confused Vernon in the kitchen flashed into his mind as the other tried to recreate a certain coffee only Mingyu could make.
“You’re right. The café's doing really great anyway so I guess we don’t need new things for now. Anyways, I'll be back for breakfast! I’ll just take a walk.”
Mingyu made a sound of acknowledgment as Jun walk out the back door. As soon as he step into the grass, different events attack him. This was the beauty about the café. Aside from the perks that the staff could live within the dorms provided by the café, it also had a vast garden filled with different kinds of flowers Jihoon planted himself. Jihoon would always bring home flower seeds which he'll cultivate in his garden. Whenever the artist was out promoting his music, he never forgets to call for a professional gardener to tend to his garden which is why people keep coming back. A few weddings had already been held in the garden and each time Jun had to witness one, he was always inspired to work harder if it meant he got to see sights like those often. The “Flower Garden” café served as Jun's second home ever since he left China to pursue music and dance. Almost everyone in the café had the same dream as him.
Another cool breeze blows around him. He takes in a deep breath of the flowers' fragrances and smiles. He really loves the space that Jihoon made for them. As he reaches the center of the vast yard, he turns around to look back at the café building, marveling at how pristine it looked.
“Oh?”
At the balcony of the third floor, Jihoon stood with his arms filled with flowers. Unlike the flowers in the garden, the ones in his arms were torn apart. It wasn’t the usual pink, white and yellow flowers in the garden. The flowers in Jihoon's arms were purple. Jun watched as Jihoon released the flowers, a sudden gust of wind blowing them away up in the air. It was a beautiful sight but Jihoon's face said otherwise.
“Why does he always look so sad?” Jun mumbles to himself as he walks back to the café.
Mingyu was about to put their breakfast on the table when Jihoon’s presence surprises him. Because of the fright, he drops the basket which falls on the floor. Luckily, none of the bread touched the floor so he simply picks the basket up again, trying to calm his pacing heart.
“You scared me.” Mingyu releases a breath he had been holding. “I made you coffee. Are you eating with us?” Jihoon simply nods.
“Where’s the others?”
“Getting ready. They'll be out in a minute to eat and start preparation.”
“Kihyun?”
“… shit. I forgot to wake him up.” Jihoon chuckles at Mingyu.
“It's fine. It’ll wake him up. I know he doesn't wake up on his own. I’ll be right back.” Jihoon says as he takes a right turn to the dorm wing.
The staff greets him as they walk past him to the kitchen. They didn’t see him often due to his promotions being overseas but they all knew who they worked for and they were thankful that it had been Jihoon. He was kinder than his father and it helped strengthen their relationships.
At the end of the hall, one door remained shut. It only meant one thing. Slowly, Jihoon opens the door to find a sleeping Kihyun still wrapped like a burrito. It puts a small smile in Jihoon's lips. Some things never change. Jihoon goes for the curtains to pull them apart, then he sits on the edge of the bed and starts judging Kihyun awake.
“Hey, wake up sleepy head. Why is my head pattisier still asleep? Shouldn’t you be making pastries now?” Kihyun only groans at Jihoon's ramblings. “Wake up hyung!”
“You’re so noisy Jihoonie… ugh.”
“Time to get up.” Jihoon nudges him one last time before standing up.
“Jihoonieeeee stay for a whileeeeee.” Kihyun whines. He gets out of his burrito confinement and opens his arms, waiting for Jihoon to come to him.
“Breakfast is already served hyung. You won't get any portions of you feel dilly dallying like that.”
“I can make ramyun. Just give me my hug.”
Jihoon sighs in defeat. He walks back to Kihyun's bed and hugs him, the older squeezing him tight in his arms as a sign of appreciation.
“It’s been a while since you came home. I missed you, you brat.”
“Promoting takes time okay. There are also gigs, fanmeets and collaborations and they eat up a lot of time these days.” Jihoon explains for the nth time. Kihyun knows very well how erratic his schedule is but for the sake of small talk, Jihoon plays along.
“But you'll be staying longer this time right?”
“A month tops.”
“That’s great! I have something I want you to taste. I've recently made a new recipe to be added in the menu.” Now Kihyun was fully awake. There was fond smile on his lips as he looked at Jihoon's eyes directly. “I want you to be the first one to taste it, okay?”
“Okay. Speaking of recipe, help me make pecan pie today?”
“But isn’t that…” Kihyun’s eyebrows furrow. There was only one person Jihoon made pecan pie for and that person had only brought pain to Jihoon.
“Yeah... Mingyu tells me he comes by often because he likes the coffee we serve and I just know he’ll like to have some Pecan pie once in a while.” Jihoon tears his stare from Kihyun at this point. Talking about “him” was always a sore subject for the younger. Kihyun couldn’t blame him. It hadn’t been that long since the accident.
“Alright. If it makes Jihoonie happy, I’ll help you make that pie. Okay now let’s go get breakfast.”
“What time will you be getting here? I’ve already reserved us a table.” A man tells over the phone. The silver-haired man stood in front of the Flower Garden café, pulling his hair back as sweat started to form in his temple.
“There’s gonna be a special something this afternoon. Jun- the cashier- told me their boss was back so they made this little event for him. The café looks amazing, you should hurry up!” the silver-haired says. He eyes the people inside the café and got his stomach in a twist. There were a lot of people for some reason. Just who is their boss?
“Alright, alright. See you Wonwoo.” The call finally ends.
Just on time, Jun opens the front door to call him in.
“Hoshi, come in! The program is about to start! I really can’t wait for you to meet our boss. He is amazing.” Jun says with a smile on his face.
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”
The both of them enters the premises quietly. There was murmuring amongst the costumers as Kihyun starts the program. Hoshi admired the Flower Garden’s staff. They were all tall and handsome especially their head pattisier and barista. Not only that, they were also skillful in what they do which is why he keeps coming back despite the distance of the café from his home.
“Oh, by the way, we have something special in the secret menu. Only long-time costumers can avail it and I think you’re the first person under the long-time costumers list who’s actually here. Plus, there are only a few who actually knows there’s a secret menu.” at this, Jun sets a small black folder in front of Hoshi.
Hoshi opens it and there were only two options: Pecan pie or Mille-feuille. At the sight of the Pecan pie, Hoshi’s stomach grumbles. He loves Pecan pie and there weren’t a lot of shops or cafes that made them. Lifting his gaze from the menu, he finds Jun grinning at him.
“Pecan pie I assume?” Jun asks despite knowing the answer already.
“Why do you even have to ask?” Hoshi chuckles, returning the menu back to Jun.
“Ey you might want to try something else to pull my leg, something like that. Fun fact: our boss made the Pecan pie so I can definitely boast and say that this will be the best one you’ve ever taste in Korea.”
“I thought your boss was an artist of some sort? He can bake too?” Now Hoshi sees Jun’s boss in a new light. He sounds like a very talented man.
“He has a lot of hobbies I guess? Anyway, he’s childhood friends with Kihyun so I’m not really surprised- oh, here he is! Look!”
“Please, let’s all welcome back, Lee Jihoon!” Kihyun hypes up the crowd by clapping his hands to which the crowd follows suit.
At the applause, a short-man with black hair comes out from the kitchen. He had cat-like eyes that complimented his small face and an honest smile anyone would fall for. Hoshi wasn’t going to lie when his brain told him the man was handsome, the man was definitely his type but aside from the facial features, there wasn’t much for him to like further.
“Good day everyone, I’m Lee Jihoon but I’m pretty sure some of you know me as Woozi.”
At the mention of the name, Hoshi grabs Jun’s wrist, his eyes going wide at the announcement.
“He’s Woozi?!” Jun only smirked. He knew his friend was a fan of the artist.
“Yes. He’s Woozi.”
“You never told me you worked for Woozi! You don’t know how much this makes me happy! I’ve been trying to get to meet him for the past year but he’s always out of the country!” Hoshi couldn’t believe what he was hearing and seeing. Right in front of him, inside his favorite café, was the artist he had been following for a year now. What were the odds that he’d meet this legendary artist on such a day?
“You know, he actually owns this café and lives at the 3rd floor. He told us he’ll be resting for a month, I can totally introduce you guys and you guys can collaborate or something. Aren’t I smart?” Jun know he’s pushing it but sometimes, he just doesn’t realize it.
“Please introduce us.” Hoshi begs.
“Later. You have no plans after this, right?”
“Well, I was planning to work on my choreo for a solo but I can do that any time.”
“Okay. Then stay for the afternoon. I’ll ask Jihoon.”
Hoshi gave the biggest smile as Jun walked away to serve his order. Amidst the crowd that afternoon, Hoshi only saw one person and it was Woozi. He kept his gaze in front, noting how Woozi’s eyes crinkle when he smiles or laughs and how his teeth looked like small fangs, it was endearing. What surprised him the most was that fact that Woozi could do a mean set of Aegyo, which the artist claims he hates doing but still executing it cutely. Hoshi was head-over-heels about Woozi immediately that the introduction Jun promised made him giddy.
And for a moment, they caught sight of one another.
Hoshi smiled at him brightly while Jihoon... he looked shocked.
What was he doing here?
In all honesty, Jihoon didn’t expect him to be there that early. According to Mingyu, “he” only comes during night or 5pm onwards so seeing him amongst the crowd unsettled him. There was a constricting pain that ran through his ribs, the roots of the flower inside of him tightening alongside with the pain his heart was trying to endure. How long has it been since he saw that face? That face that he used to wake up to only to find it amongst the crowd today. It hurt. He wanted to throw up.
Holding at his chest, Jihoon got off his stool and made his way to the comfort room, shocking everyone who saw. Each step brought a wave of pain through his chest as the roots of his disease tightened around his lungs. He let out a groan as he entered a cubicle, clutching tighter at his jacket as he began to heave, hot tears prickling his eyes.
No no no no no no. I already threw up this morning!
A sob escapes his lips as the scent of flowers overwhelm him. He hated the feeling of being stuffed inside especially in his lungs, it made breathing harder. He heaved again, this time, a bulb of purple petals escaping his lips as they cascade down the toilet bowl.
Fucking Anemones.
Another heave came again, this time it shook his whole body with how many petals were spilling from his lips. The tears came too, almost drowning him along with the petals stuffing his airways, Jihoon feels like he was going to pass out from the pain his chest and head were givin him. He heaved again, vomiting more petals than he did that morning, ugly sobs accompanying the petals falling. It was unfair, really unfair, but Jihoon didn’t want it any other way. It was either suffer like this or forget the best time of his life. So he chose this road instead, living with the pain of being forgotten.
Kihyun had no idea what just happened. Everyone who was left were shocked with Jihoon's sudden disappearance that they started to murmur amongst them. Just then, Kihyun gets a glance at silver hair. It couldn’t be…
At the edge of the crowd, at the furthest table was Kwon Soonyoung, shocked like everybody else. With that information, Kihyun apologizes to everyone and follows Jihoon to the comfort room. The beating of his heart and the anxiety he felt didn’t help Kihyun calm down as he made his way to the comfort room. The worry he felt only amplified when he hears sobbing as he took a few steps in the deserted premise. At the first cubicle, he finds Jihoon sitting against the cubicle wall, trying to calm himself down.
“Hey, you okay?” Kihyun reaches a hand out to wipe a stray tear away. Jihoon just shakes his head before his face scrunches again as a new batch of tears run down his face.
“He’s there.” His voice cracks. Kihyun wasn’t sure what broke his heart more. The fact that Jihoon was crying in a cubicle or the fact that Soonyoung has no idea who Jihoon is.
“I saw. It surprised me also.” Kihyun sighs. This kind of situation rarely happens and the last time it did, it had been a long time ago so now he was struggling to find the words to use.
“Why can’t I just forget about him? He's done a marvelous job forgetting about me do why can’t I?” out frustration, Jihoon grabs at his hair and takes in a deep breath. “I know it’s not his fault but it’s been a year… he should have remembered something by now?”
“We can't really be sure Jihoon… the accident was a terrible one. He lost a good portion of his memories even during his college days and-“
“But he remembers Wonwoo. He remembers his first love but the not the person he married?” Jihoon's voice cracks at the end. His breath hitches as he takes a shaky breath in, demanding his heart to calm down from the pain that was spreading like wild fire inside his chest. It was painful. Different degrees of pain. The kind of pain where his heart was too tired, his mind was too muddled and his body was destroying itself.
Kihyun couldn’t say anything further. He didn’t know the pain his friend was and is going through. He knew what happened, he was there in the hospital holding Jihoon’s hand but despite that, he wasn’t much of a help even now when he knew his friend was breaking down. He simply held Jihoon's hand again, opting to sit next to Jihoon's shaking body.
“Sometimes I wonder… Does he keep our ring? Did he sold it off? Or did he give it to Wonwoo to dispose if it?” all the options squeezed Jihoon's heart. It was difficult being oblivious of these things. Knowing might give him a peace of mind but no one ever talks to him about the elephant in the room. He was always facing his problems alone and at this point, he didn’t know what to do anymore. “It hasn’t even been a week…” His breath hitches. “I thought… I thought I can face him without feeling the pain like this. I thought I could do better after the months I spent abroad. I thought… I thought things would have improved by now, that maybe.. I’d have the opportunity to fix whatever was broken.” Jihoon lets out a tired sigh. He stares at a spot as his body goes limp, exhaustion taking over his being.
“Jihoon, if anything else, none of it was your fault okay? It was just some… twisted prank of fate for Soonyoung to be caught amidst all of that. The car accident wasn’t your fault, the storm, the incoming truck, none of it was your fault. It might sound like it came from some kdrama but this is reality Jihoon, roads become slippery, people lose control. You couldn’t have caused all of those.” Kihyun tries to explain his thoughts but even he found the words jumbled in his mind. “I mean… I don’t know either. I’m just as confused as you are but I know for a fact you don’t deserve this at all. You’ve worked so hard for yourself, you should find happiness for yourself too.”
There was a momentary silence between them as both males sat on the cold tiled floor of the comfort room.
Jihoon thought about what lead to the accident a year ago. As much as Kihyun’s words sounded nice, he knew why Soonyoung drove off that day. It was because of him and ever since that faithful day, Jihoon could never forgive himself for being selfish; selfish for wanting space from the other, selfish for thinking about their future together, and selfish for considering his career for a moment. If he hadn’t left that day to Seoul for that meeting, if he had just stayed at home with Soonyoung, then he wouldn’t had to ask his husband to pick him up amidst the harsh storm that came to Korea but he was foolish enough to believe that Soonyoung would make it alright. Jihoon was foolish enough to gamble with fate that Soonyoung would get through the storm because he had always erased Jihoon’s fears and proving that he can reach Jihoon was the ultimate proof of his love for the other. Now this was the consequence of that risk. He suffered day in and day out. There was a flower breeding inside of him, taking his life slowly, inflicting pain whenever he thought about the love he had lost or more like… the love that was left inside of him.
The disease was only curable through death or surgery. Jihoon didn’t want to forget the love that blossomed inside of his heart. He didn’t want to forget the days he had spent with the man he married. He didn’t want to forget the words that were given to him during the times he doubted himself. He didn’t want to forget the caring touches, the small favors, the smiles, the laughter, everything that reminded him of Kwon Soonyoung. Even if it hurt every damn time to breath, even if it exhausted him to the point of passing out, even if it meant vomiting flowers every morning, Jihoon was going to wait no matter what. He didn’t want to forget their moments together. He didn’t want to forget the time Soonyoung surprised him and took him driving, oblivious of their destination, yet finding every moment of it meaningful. He didn’t want to forget the first time they kissed under the sun, under the stars, under the neon lights of the club. He didn’t want to forget any of those. The pain stays. It had always stayed but so did the love he had desperately clung into. It was his only saving grace.
“All better now?” Kihyun brings Jihoon out of his trance. The shorter nods his head, pulling himself up and patting the dust from his pants.
“Let’s go back.”
Hoshi looks around nervously as Kihyun and Woozi disappear to the comfort room. He looks for Jun who was standing still by the pastry display, worried looks being exchanged from the staff. From the corner of his eye, the head barista was staring holes into him and Hoshi couldn’t shake the feeling that he had seen those eyes before.
Taking a deep breath, Hoshi stands up from his table and walks to where Jun was glued in. He taps his friend on the shoulder until Jun turns around and takes a shaky breath in.
“Sorry about that… I just got nervous all of a sudden.” Jun confesses.
Soon enough, music played from the stereos to remove the tension that was created. Hoshi looked around as the costumes murmuring died down. It was then that Kihyun and Woozi decided to come back. There was a short applause before Kihyun spoke.
“Sorry about that everyone. It seems like our dear Jihoonie isn't feeling really good.” There was a collective sigh amongst the crowd. “But the program would still continue! Starting with our very own Seungkwan…”
Hoshi moves his eyes to Jihoon who was standing next to Kihyun, a hand holding the taller's sleeve. He certainly looks sick with his eyes red as if he had been crying. There were also beads of sweat on his temple which clarified the statement earlier. Despite the circumstances, Hoshi was glad he had laid eyes on his favorite artist.
It was at that moment, Wonwoo appeared.
From the cashier, Mingyu kept his eyes trained at the other. They made eye contact, Wonwoo breaking it off first. There was an unspoken awkwardness between them and all Mingyu could do was sigh. How did they become strangers again?
“Hoshi!” Wonwoo calls the other, swinging his arm around the other's waist. “You weren’t answering your phone so I went in.”
“Oh Wonwoo! Sorry about that. Some things just happened.” At that, he looks back at the make shift stage where Kihyun and Jihoon were standing at the side, Jihoon looking upset. Wonwoo follows where Hoshi was looking and he didn’t like what he saw. “Did you know, Lee Jihoon owns this place? I can’t believe it!”
“I know.” As they talk, Hoshi leads them back to his table where Jun was putting down Hoshi's order for them both. Wonwoo smiles at Jun as he retreats back to the kitchen to fetch more orders.
“Wait what, you know Lee Jihoon?” Hoshi’s shocked face doesn't go unnoticed. Wonwoo knew this day would eventually come.
They were married after all. Wonwoo sighs.
“We studied in the same university… He was a Music Composition major, we were in the Theatre Arts with you majoring in Choreography while I minored in Music Composition.” There was no lying to that. Wonwoo then proceeded to point at the Head Barista, at Mingyu and sighs. “He was there too. He was a Tourism student if I remember correctly.” Which he actually does. The two were close during their college days.
“How come I don’t… oh, OH.” Hoshi puts a hand on his temple as he rest back in disbelief. “They’re part of the memory I lost.”
“Not that it matters Soonyoung… you weren’t close with them anyway.” Lies. You were very in love with Jihoon then.
“Is that why he's always been staring at me all these months? It’s because he knew me?” Hoshi couldn’t believe what he was just realizing. So he knew these people from college days and he couldn’t even remember a single one of them aside from Wonwoo? What a miracle that he got to remember his love.
“I guess so.” Wonwoo shrugs. He then takes notice of Soonyoung's order. Pecan pie. Soonyoung notices and it puts a big smile on his face.
“Jun told me Jihoon made it! It looks awesome. I can’t wait to try it.”
“Yeah… Jihoon has a knack for experimenting.”
Wonwoo watches as his boyfriend take a bite of his food. Soonyoung groans in delight, praising the flavor of Jihoon's creation. Of course Soonyoung would love it. Jihoon perfected the recipe to suit Soonyoung's taste. Of course Soonyoung was going to rave about it, he couldn’t make these things even if Soonyoung begged him to. At the corner of his peripherals vision, Wonwoo sees orange hair. It was Mingyu standing amidst Kihyun and Jihoon. The three of them were in the middle of a discussion when Jihoon accidentally glances towards Wonwoo's direction. Jihoon stops talking, his brows creasing as he looked away, hand on stomach. He pushes past Mingyu and Kihyun and disappears. Mingyu follows where Jihoon was looking at, surprise etched on his face but was soon replaced by annoyance.
Sorry. Wonwoo says to himself.
Mingyu excuses himself from Kihyun and retreats to the kitchen.
Wonwoo knew what those looks were for. No one wanted him there. His mere presence was the reason why things weren’t the same as before but he couldn’t blame himself for the results that happened. It wasn’t like he wanted all of it to happen, it just did. Nonetheless, he was in a place he liked and Wonwoo wouldn’t change any of it.
Even if the flowers outside bloomed so beautifully, nothing could ever change the ugliness Wonwoo felt inside as he looked at Soonyoung's smiling face.
He betrayed Mingyu.
He betrayed his best friend the most.
He betrayed Lee Jihoon.