Chapter Text
Sleepless nights are the worst. They bother you with useless words and fantasies, spinning around in your head until you actually feel dizzy. And when your eyelids finally get heavier that one image pops up in your head and you're wide awake again. I get irritated because of it, even more so at school when I'm pissed enough already but can't really react because my entire body feels groggy and my movements are sloppy. Every word coming out of my mouth is lazy, so I tend to just growl these days. When approaching my classroom, my body becomes more and more tense, another thing that confuses me since that only started happening recently. My thoughts are stuck on that idiots face and his stupid freckles and that seriously oblivious smile that doesn't seem to understand anything happening around him. He would usually flinch a bit when he'd see me, the memories of our childhood playing in his eyes like a recording. Memories of the things I said and the times we screamed at each other. And of course the reflection of myself, which I hated and loved to see in his green eyes. But on that day he looked up with a slightly surprised look, he started approaching me, wrapped his arms around my neck and the reflection was closer than ever. I hated it because I could see all my flaws in these rare moments, but I also loved it because I knew that in that moment there was nothing else he could see. He started pulling me down, our faces coming closer and his soft lips almost touching mine. Almost.
"Shit." Bakugos hands were pressing against his floor, he was staring at the ceiling and then slowly looked at his bed which he fell out of. For a few seconds his mind was blank, confused with what just happened, then the memory of his dream started replaying in his head and he forced himself to get up quickly. Still tired and slightly panicked he started walking to the bathroom, his steps were aggressive thuds and he was somehow aware that his mom would wake up and beat him up if he'd keep that up, but he was busy with other things. As soon as he got to the sink he started splashing cold water in his face and sighed. His face was flushed and his heart wouldn't calm down. Was he going crazy? Did he lose his mind? These dreams were haunting him like nightmares that didn't want to stop and, ashamed as he was to admit it, he always wished he could finish them at least once. But the fact that he didn't want to admit that, not even to himself, made him have this short-tempered reaction. For a while he stared at the mirror in front of him, it was the same person he'd always see, yet something changed and it was nothing he could see on his body or in his expression. It was just this feeling of something he could probably understand if he wanted to, but he forced himself to look away by any means possible. But because of that this face kept appearing in front of him, even at 3am in the mirror of his bathroom, just like he saw him in his dreams. He turned around right away, walked past his tired looking father who was trying to say something and threw himself on his bed again, nuzzling his face into his pillow just so he wouldn't have to see anything anymore. That night he didn't get any more sleep, instead he exhausted himself even more by surpressing all the thoughts and feelings he didn't want to have.
Looking at him from where he was, even though they were barely a few meters away from each other, it felt like there were worlds between them. It might just be the hallway of the school he went to everyday, so it wasn't anything special, but Uraraka and Iida were surrounding him as always and he looked genuinely happy. It was already a long time ago, middle school. But he could still remember the expressions he would have everyday clearly, he used to hate him so much but he could remember them so well. He felt silly for remembering or even thinking about it, after all that idiot he was looking at was so happy go lucky, he must already be over it. It pissed him off. Bakugo just wanted to know where the line was that he had to cross to get there, even if he would be hated for going there, he wanted to. "Hey, you okay?" Startled by Kirishimas voice he turned around to look at him and wanted to look away right away, because of that worried expression. "You look terrible. Have you been sleeping properly? Or are you sick?" Instead of answering he started gazing in the direction of the group of three again. "...How would you cross a line you're not supposed to cross?" He mumbled, since his voice was usually loud he was surprised that his friend even heard him. "Huh? What do you mean?" The boy with red hair leaned in a bit closer, like that would make him understand Bakugos words better. He didn't understand himself, but his body started moving after barely finishing his sentence. "I guess I mean something like that." With quick steps he got closer to Izuku, his heart started beating in an unbelievable speed, getting quicker with every step the took. He grabbed him by his wrist, seeing his face for just a second before he leaned down and pressed his lips against the others. They were much softer than he expected, sending a shiver down his body and he had to press against Deku to make sure he wouldn't escape. It felt like all the complicated feelings inside him and between them, usually a tangled mess that he didn't bother touching, disappeared for a second. But as soon as he let go of him so many more of them appeared in an instant. His cheek was burning, he kept his eyes closed to keep the feelings of shame and guilt trapped inside him for a second. And he honestly regretted opening them again. The background was blurry, all he could see was Deku, which made it more painful because he didn't have anything to distract himself with. He had to focus on the shock, the anger, his still trembling hand. The slap he just received didn't even bother him, looking at everything unfolding in front him. For the first time he felt like they opened up, like all their feelings were out there in the open and it was strange.