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The bathroom light flickered. Josuke stared at himself in the mirror. He always acted very confident in his appearance when he was in public, but now he was alone. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and removed his clothes. When he forced himself to open them, Okuyasu's words from earlier echoed in his head.
'No offense or anything, man, but your nephew is kind of a fox.'
He'd been so shocked he'd almost spat out his drink.
'What? J-jotaro? You seriously think he's-'
'Hell yeah. He's so big and strong, he could probably throw me across a room! And that jawline, are you kidding me? He's so....so...'
Josuke pressed his forehead against the mirror miserably.
'manly'
He looked at his face. The smooth, soft cheeks. The full lashes, the plump lips. They would've all been desirable traits, if he'd been a girl.
Would Okuyasu think I was pretty if he saw me as a girl?
.....Does Okuyasu already see me as a girl?
He already knew that lots of people did. He shuddered to think of how often he'd been beaten up in middle school, before he'd stopped being afraid to use Crazy D in public.
His eyes drifted lower. He lifted his breasts, trying to move them upward and inwards. His chest was tired from wearing his binder all day at school, but he still felt an urge to put it back on. He sighed and reminded himself that that wouldn't be healthy, letting his breasts drop back to their natural hanging position.
What did Jotaro's chest look like, he wondered. Likely strong, and muscular, and hairy.
'no offense but your nephew is kind of a fox'
All of his friends knew, of course. Everyone sort of knew. Morioh was a small town, and try as he might, Josuke was hardly passing. Most people were respectful or afraid or disinterested enough to not bring it up. Josuke thanked God every fucking day that he didn't have to go to gym class anymore, just thinking about the changing rooms made him cringe. A few people were stupid enough to give him hell for it, but now he was brave and tough enough to teach them a lesson. His friends were all supportive, though.
At least on the surface.
How do they really view me?
......Does Okuyasu think I'm.....a freak?
Shit. Why had he thought that into existence. Shit. It was too late now, his head was already screaming.
Freakfreakfreakfreakfreakfreakfreakfreak-
His fists hit the mirror without warning. Once he'd started, he found that he couldn't stop himself. Once his knuckles were bleeding, full of broken glass, he stopped to catch his breath. Crazy D immediately set to work, repairing the shattered mirror, shards of glass pulling themselves from Josuke's skin to rejoin the smooth surface.
He sighed bitterly, throwing on a soft old T shirt. His eyes lingered on his curvy hips and thick thighs. Jotaro is so sturdily built, Josuke couldn't imagine a single part of him being soft.
'your nephew is a fox'
He pulled on some old sweatpants and turned off the lights on his way out.
He'd seen enough.
"Sweetie, what's wrong? You've hardly touched your dinner."
He sighed. "Mom, did you ever, uh..." he faltered, unsure if himself.
"What did you like about dad?"
She looked surprised, but indulged him nonetheless. "Well, a lot of things, I suppose. He was strong as an ox, that definitely caught my eye. A beast of a man, really, so gruff and rugged." She smiled wistfully.
'a fox'
"But it was more than that, of course. It was his confidence, I think, that won me over in the end. He'd give me these intense looks and smile like he knew that he was the biggest catch in Japan. I guess I was just inclined to believe him."
"Did he....did he ever like, make you feel kinda bad about yourself without meaning to?"
Her sad smile returned. "I'm sure he didn't mean to make me feel bad when he left, but I've always been smart enough to know what that meant. I wasn't....I wasnt enough to keep him here."
Anger filled Josuke's heart. "Well he was an idiot, mom. You're enough for anybody."
She smiled and looked back down to her plate.
"So are you gonna tell me what happened to your hands or what?"
Curse you, Crazy D.
He lowered them beneath the table self consciously.
"I just uh, scraped 'em up a bit, that's all."
"Just like you got scratched up by that cat last week, huh? He really did a number on your arms, Josuke."
When he looked up to face his mother, her expression threatened to break his heart.
"No! No-no, mom, this was different. I....I already told you, I'm not gonna...." They both knew what had really happened, but Josuke found the lie more comfortable than the truth. "I'm not gonna just mess with random critters anymore, alright? Promise." He tried to give her a reassuring smile.
"Josuke, sweetie." She placed a hand on top of his, careful not to brush his injured knuckles.
She opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but then hesitated and seemed to think better of it.
"What do you say we go shopping tomorrow? You can get a brand new outfit, I'll even let you pick out some shoes, okay?"
Josuke smiled weakly. Tomoko knew that having nice, masculine clothes that fit him well made him feel better about his appearance. The two of them often had issues talking about his dysphoria, but she still found ways to let him know that she supported him wholeheartedly.
"Th-thanks, mom."
A loud knock at the door disrupted the moment.
"Who on earth could that be?" Tomoko asked no one in particular as she stood to answer the door.
"Okuyasu! It's always so nice to see you, dear!"
Josuke's heart stopped.
'no offense, dude'
"Oi! Josuke, the cat learned the coolest new trick! You've gotta-"
He froze when he entered the dining room. Ugh. No matter how many times Okuyasu had seen him in lounge wear, he always ended up staring at Josuke's chest, at least for a moment.
'fox'
He coughed awkwardly. "Uh, sorry bro. I didn't mean to interrupt or nothin'."
He sighed, trying to remind himself that none of this was really Okuyasu's fault. It was easy to let himself give frustrated, but at the end of the day, all he'd done was compliment another guy.
Another guy who had everything he didn't have.
Just like every single fucking guy in Morioh.
"It's fine, man. Tell you what, give me a sec to change, and we'll go hang out at your place for a while. Okay?"
Okuyasu smiled and nodded happily, no idea that anything was at all amiss.
He sighed. Truth was, the thing Okuyasu had said hurt a lot, but it wasn't just because of his body issues. Josuke had started crushing on his best friend ages ago. Felt bad, hearing him say that he was attracted to someone that Josuke could never really look like.
His mom followed him upstairs and caught him on his way out of his bedroom.
"Josuke, before you go, I just wanted to remind you, well....You know that you're my son, and I love you, right? I wouldn't change a damn thing about you if I could, except maybe....maybe I'd make it all hurt less. I love you so much, Josuke. I....if I had the choice between a miserable, depressed daughter, and a son who's on his way to doing better and feeling good about himself, I'd pick the son every time, no hesitation. Alright?"
Josuke felt tears welling up in his eyes. He wasn't really one for talking directly about his feelings, so having his mother say all of that at once was, kind of a lot.
"Oh honey, don't cry."
He smiled. "Relax mom, it's a good cry. Maybe instead of getting me more shoes tomorrow, I could help you pick out some stuff. You never do anything nice for yourself," He glanced at the stairs, feeling both nervous and excited to be alone with Okuyasu this evening. "I promise I wont stay out too late, okay? Love you."
They'd inevitably ended up back at Josuke's later that night. There just wasn't a lot to do at Okuyasu's. Well, Josuke could think of a lot of things he'd like to do there, actually, but there was nothing PG rated to do.
They were sitting on the floor together, playing video games. Okuyasu died yet again and tossed down his controller in frustration. Josuke continued on with out him, until he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.
He paused the game and turned to Okuyasu, suddenly furious.
"Why are you always fucking doing that, bro?!"
"Doin' what?" Okuyasu asked, defensive.
"Staring at my tits! I catch you doing it all the fucking time! You never seen any before or something?"
"J-josuke-"
Josuke felt the anger and shame rising in his chest.
"Like, do you think it's fuckin' funny? 'Oh, Haha, here comes Josuke, she's not in her FUCKING boy costume for once' right? 'She's not FUCKING pretending for five minutes so let's all take a real good look at what's reallllly going on'! 'I know everyone else in this fucking town gets to live their God damn lives but let's take a pause to stare at the fucking FREAK'-"
His voice cracked and faded out. He realized suddenly how loudly he'd been yelling, the sound had undoubtedly echoed through the house. He made a silent prayer that his mom wouldn't come downstairs. He really couldn't deal with that.
Hot tears started to stream down his face, the fury being replaced with shame and guilt.
Okuyasu was staring at the ground, knees curled to his chest like a child who'd been scolded. Now that Josuke's anger was subsiding, he noticed that Okuyasu was crying as well.
He spoke softly, not looking up. "I've never thought you were a freak, Josuke. I look because, well, I know nobody else really gets to see you....like this. I know it makes you feel better about your looks and all, but there's no way in hell that binder thingy is comfortable. Surprised you can breathe in the damn thing. But when it's just us, you take it off. You let yourself be comfortable, ya know? I always kinda felt proud, figured we must be pretty close if you let me see you like that. I thought- I thought it meant you knew that I saw you as a guy whether you had it on or not. I'm sorry, Josuke. I'm so fucking sorry."
He turned to look Josuke in the eyes now, tears streaming down his face and dripping off his chin.
"I could never think you were a freak, Josuke. Never, okay? I'm. so. fucking. sorry."
Josuke found himself at a loss for words. He scooted closer to his best friend and folded him up into a tight hug. Okuyasu returned the embrace.
"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. There's just a lot on my mind and I can't stop thinkin' about how you were talking about Jotaro at school today-"
"Aw, Josuke, is that what was eatin' at you all day? Why the hell do you care what I think about Jotaro?"
Josuke sniffled and stared at the ground, suddenly blushing.
"Well, I....I guess, hearing you talk about how hot it was that Jotaro is so like, manly and strong and all....it just kinda made me feel like...."
Was he really about to do this? Right now? While they were both crying in their pajamas?
"Oku...would you ever date someone....like me?"
A quiet tension filled the air. Josuke was still avoiding his friend's gaze, but he could feel eyes on him.
"Would I date someone like you, or would i date you?"
Josuke met his eyes now, his face heating up even more. Okuyasu was looking at him in this sweet, gentle way that made him feel so safe. His heart melted.
"Cuz I....I guess I'd settle for somebody like you, but I'd rather date you, honestly."
Okuyasu was blushing deeply. Josuke felt his stomach flip over and his heart rise into his mouth.
"Y-yeah?" He cautiously reached for Oku's hand, and was pleased when his friend squeezed his hand gently.
"Yeah, you kidding me? You're the most handsome guy in Morioh, and everybody knows it."
Josuke kissed his cheek shyly. "Thanks for saying that, dude. Sometimes I just need to hear it from you."
They curled up on the couch to watch a movie, both a bit mentally exhausted from the the eventful evening.
"So do you think I'm a fox then, Oku?" He asked with a sleepy smile.
"A fuckin' what?"
"You caled Jotaro a fox earlier."
"I did? Jesus that's embarrassing."
He shrugged, tightening his grip around Oku's waist. Turns out Josuke liked being the big spoon, now that he'd tried it.
"I kinda liked it."
"Well then yes, you're a total fox, babe. Foxiest guy I've ever laid eyes on."
"I'm 'babe' now, too, eh?" He said with a smirk.
Okuyasu laughed. "Shut up, man."
"No, no! It's not 'shut up, man' anymore! It's 'shut up, babe' now!"
"If you keep teasing me, I'll never call you 'babe' again, how's that sound?"
They were both lauging now. "Fine, fine. But I get to call you pumpkin."
Okuyasu sighed, feigning annoyance, and placed a hand on top of Josuke's, threading their fingers together. Josuke hissed a bit when Oku's palm brushed the wounded knuckles. When he noticed, Okuyasu didn't even ask, he just softly kissed his hands and whispered little platitudes to him.
"You're my favorite guy, you know that?"
Josuke was starting to fall asleep. He was every type of tired after today, and Okuyasu was bringing him to a new level of comfort.
He managed to mumble out a "My fav'rite guy, too." Before he drifted off.