Work Text:
He realises it after a really awkward conversation with Namjoon-hyung about personal space and alone-time for couples. Like, how sometimes couples want time just for themselves and how somebody, even a good friend, could misunderstand the intentions you have. Like there is a difference between skinship with friends and skinship between lovers.
Taehyung knows exactly who Namjoon is talking about. He IS pretty close to Yoongi and Hoseok. But he never thought he acts different with them than the other members of their group of friends.
He just likes skinship and cuddling. It’s his way of showing his love and that he cares. And yes, he demands it more often from Hoseok and Yoongi. But it just feels different between them. When he sees them close, without him he always gets this really cold squeezing feeling in his chest. It‘s only perfect when he’s between them.
But now that he thinks about it he never got that feeling with Namjoon and Jin. Of course he also likes cuddling with them too. Like with all the others. But he never get‘s this wholesome feeling of belonging with them.
After the extensive monologue from Namjoon he ponders about his past actions a lot. He never thought he could be a danger to their relationship. The thought alone makes his heart throb painfully. He never wanted that. Yoongi and Hoseok love each other so much. Even though they have their differences, maybe even more than a normal couple, they make it work so beautifully. Everybody with eyes in their head can see that they love each other to the moon and back. Scratch that! To Pluto and back!
So the last thing Taehyung wants is to destroy this wonderful relationship. So he does the only thing he knows to do, to rescue it. He is never going to get between them again. He stops touching them. He stops looking at them. He stops hanging out with them. He avoids them. He even asks Jungkook to save him a seat, away from Hoseok or Yoongi, when he is late again.
The first time Teahyung avoids the free space right beside them they just look confused. But after the second and third time, where one time they even leave space between them, just enough that Taehyung would be able to squeeze into, they seem to just accept it.
They stop saving him his seat. Like nothing is wrong. Like it was always supposed to be like this. Without Taehyung.
They talk more with each other. Quiet conversations that seem intimate. They go home earlier and more often than everybody else. Probably to get that couple time Namjoon was talking about.
But everytime Taehyung avoids them, sees them together, feels this want to hug, and cuddle and get between them, and doesn‘t act on it, he builds a layer of ice around his heart. The ice grows and grows with every interaction. Until he can’t feel anything anymore besides the coldness.
After a week or two Jungkook starts to feel the coldness too.
He says things like: „You don’t smile that often anymore, is everything okay?“ or „You look pale, do you eat enough?“
And Taehyung always answers with lies, while smiling his signature boxy smile. But then Jungkook gets this look in his eyes. Like he knows Tae's lying, but he is not angry or disappointed. He gets sad and quiet like he himself is to blame that Taehyung lies.
Taehyung starts to hate himself even more for that. So now, for everytime he has to tell Jungkook another lie, it also adds a layer of that cold unforgiving ice. But he just can‘t tell Jungkook anything. Even though he’s his best friend. If he does, it would destroy Hoseok and Yoongi’s relationship.
Because he knows what he feels isn’t jealousy. It’s love. He loves both of them. Everytime Hoseok smiles at Yoongi, and everytime Yoongi grumbles something vaguely insulting back because he‘s embarrassed, Tae's heart swells with love.
But he can‘t love them. Because they already have each other. Realationships aren‘t supposed to be between 3 people for a reason. One would always feel left out.
Even between friends ist hard to manage a good balanced friendship with three people. And just because he can love two people romantically, doesn‘t mean they can too. So he has to keep his distance. Keep building his Castle of Ice that became his heart.
One day, when they all meet up in a cafe to hang out, Jin follows him into the bathroom, and corners him there.
„Taehyung you can‘t go on like this.“, he accuses the brunette.
„What? I don‘t know what you‘re talking about.“ Taehyung tries to avoid the conversation.
„Don‘t think I don‘t see what you‘re doing. You‘re avoiding Hoseok and Yoongi like the black death. I don‘t know what got into you, but it‘s not healthy. Not only do you destroy yourself like this, but Hoseok and Yoongi too. Both of them don‘t know what they did wrong, for you to treat them like this. You are hurting them. I can‘t ignore this anymore.“ Jin rants.
„You don‘t know anything!“ Teahyung snaps all of a sudden, „it‘s better this way! It's better their feelings are a little hurt than…“, he stops, can‘t even voice the thoughts out loud.
Then he mumbles, with his head low and his eyes on the ground. „It‘s better than the alternative.“
Jin doesn‘t look convinced. „But why can‘t it be like before? Everything was good!“
„No, it wasn‘t! It already startet, I already felt it. I just wasn‘t aware of it. I almost noticed it to late!“
„But what weren‘t you aware of?“, Jin asks desparate.
Teahyung looks away. „I can‘t tell you.“
With those words he turns around and leaves the bathroom and the cafe. He doesn‘t believe he‘s able to sit with his friends after that conversation like nothing is wrong.
On his way home he feels tears starting to roll down his face. He angrily tries to wipe them away, but new ones stream almost as soon as he wipes the old ones away.
He too wishes that everthing coud be like before, like Jin said. But it just wasn‘t that easy anymore he feels terrible knowing that he hurts them too. But it has to be this way. He‘s doing this for them.
He wished his feelings would just go away. Then he would be able to make them happy, like they deserve.
There is also the option to just go. Run away, to another town, start a new life, and never see them again. But he knows he isn‘t able to do that. This is the best way.
Like this he can at least look at them beeing happy together. He also doesn‘t want to loose his other friends. So he has to go on and keep his feelings for himself. For Hoseok and Yoongi, but also for himself.
A few days later they meet up again. This time in the shared flat of Jin and Namjoon. Nobody tries to talk to him about his sudden change of behaviour after Jin. He probably told them how it went after Taehyung fled the cafe.
Everything was like it was supposed to be, until Yoongi spoke up.
„So yeah, just so you know, and there aren‘t any misunderstandings, Hoseok and I aren‘t together anymore.“, he announces with a straight face.
„Yeah, but were still friends, and everything is good between us. We talked a lot about this. Don‘t worry.“ Hoseok adds with a small embarrassed smile.
Like everything is okay. Like Teahyungs whole world didn‘t just collapse. With one single sentence, that keeps ringing in his head „…aren‘t together anymore…“
He couldn‘t believe it. Tears start forming in the corner of his eyes, and soon flow down his face. It feels like his Ice-cold heart was burning now. It hurt.
Jungkook notices Taehyungs tears first. „Tae! What‘s wrong?“, he shouts shocked.
All of a sudden there were six sets of worried eyes on him. But he could only stare at Yoongi and Hoseok, and the only thing that comes out of his mouth is „But I love you!“
After that Hoseok jumps to his feet, startling everybody, and grabs Taehyungs arm. He proceeds to pull him between Yoongi and himself.
The place that he craved for, for weeks. Like it's natural, he puts his arms around Taehyung, who can‘t resist curling into Hoseoks hug, and buries his head in his chest. Yoongi then drapes himself over his back without hesistation.
And there it is again. The feeling he was longing for. That he denied himself, they give to him without a second thought. He feels whole again. And he starts to feel all the ice around his heart melt, and he cries the melted ice out, like tears.
Half an hour later they demand an explanation. And Taehyung does. He let‘s out all his feelings, that he kept for himself. The Love, the longing, the heartbreak, the lonliness, everything.
And after Taehyung has nothing more to say, they don‘t abandon him, they start to tell him their side of the story. That Yoongi and Hoseok always had differences, but Teahyung was always there, to mediate between them. And that without them they fought more often, harder, than ever before.
The reconciliation, was more difficult. And that they both thought the other one did something to Teahyung. For him to hate them.
Everytime they talked quietly among themselfes, it was about Taehyung, and everytime they went home first, they had a huge fight, they didn‘t want to have in front of their friends. What Taehyung saw as them not needing him, and beeing happier without him, was actually them needing him more than ever.
After all the tears were cried and all things were said, Taehyung was happy. He was together with the two most wonderful people on the world, and they loved him too.