Work Text:
-
It only takes them three years of dancing around their feelings, but once Jim and Bones finally get together, everything seems to fall neatly into place. For the first few months, all is well. Except for one small thing: every time Bones tries to suggest they switch it up and have him bottom instead of Jim, Jim gets twitchy and seems uneasy. He doesn’t outright refuse to top, but somehow, he always ends up turning the tables mid-encounter and begging Bones to fuck him, saying that he really needs to get fucked hard that night and maybe they could try doing it the other way around the the next time.
Bones doesn’t want to push the issue, but he knows that something is off. Things finally come to a head one night when Bones tells Jim that he wants to be the one getting fucked and he’s not gonna be dissuaded. Jim starts in with his slutty bottom, desperate-to-be-fucked routine.
Jim tugs Bones forward by his shirt with one hand, capturing his lips in a heated, slick kiss. He uses his tongue to masterful effect as his other hand palms Bones’ cock through his jeans. “Gotta have this in me. Want it so bad, Bones,” he groans obscenely. Jim is using every asset he has to distract Bones and steer the encounter in the direction he wants it to go, and, irritated at Jim’s use of sex to manipulate him, Bones snaps.
The older man pushes Jim’s hand away from his crotch and forces himself to step back from the tempting touch. “What the hell, Jim? What’s going on with you?”
Jim freezes for a millisecond before pasting a cocky grin on his face. “Well, I was trying to seduce my boyfriend, so if you want to let me get back to it…”
Jim moves forward, hands going out to wrap around Bones’ hips, but the other man steps back again.
"Stop it, Jim. You can’t use sex to avoid having conversations that you’d rather not have with me. That’s not how relationships work."
Jim sucks in a breath and the skin around his eyes tightens. “Oh, well you would know, right? After all, you’re an expert on healthy relationships.” His smile is cutting as he strikes out. “What with your failed marriage and all.”
Bones’ shoulders tense as Jim’s sarcastic remarks have the desired effect. “Nice, Jim. Act like an asshole all you want, but it’s not gonna make me drop this.”
Jim juts his chin out stubbornly, his eyes bright, fists clenched. “Drop what?” he scoffs.
Bones doesn’t take the bait, doesn’t get angry or back off. “You know what, Jim.” He keeps his voice soft. “Every time I ask you to fuck me, you get weird. And I’d get it if it was the other way around—if you weren’t into bottoming and didn’t want to try it. That I’d understand. I’d even get it if you just weren’t all that into topping and preferred to be the one getting fucked. But this isn’t you preferring topping, it’s you freaking out at the thought of switches places even once.”
Jim visibly shuts down as Bones talks, his face going completely blank. When Bones’ rant is over, Jim treads woodenly toward the dresser, picks up the set of keys he’d dropped their earlier and shoves them in his pocket.
Bones watches warily. “Jim. Where are you going?”
Jim smiles dully, lips thin as he offers a flat, “Hey, if you’re not interested in fucking me, I’m sure it won’t be hard to find somebody who is.”
Now Bones is pissed. “Dammit, Jim! What the hell is going on?”
Jim doesn’t answer, instead stalking towards to door, hellbent on fleeing.
Bones blocks his path, though, refusing to budge, even when Jim tries to shove him aside. He just grabs onto Jim’s wrists, holding him in place as the younger man struggles to free himself, breath growing ragged and frantic as he fails to escape, his cool facade of bland indifference falls away to reveal a something more akin to a cornered animal in its place. Jim is stuck in place, unable to run away, unable to hide, and he just can’t hold it all in any longer.
"Tell me, Jim." Bones pleads, anger quickly dissipating as Jim continues to try to wrestle himself away, his distress now undeniable."Whatever it is, tell me."
And just like that, all the fight drains from Jim’s body in a sudden rush. Breathing heavy, he drops his head.”Just leave it, Bones. Please.”
He sounds tired. Beaten down.
"We gave this thing a shot…It didn’t work out." Jim lifts one shoulder in a weak shrug, but doesn’t look up.
Bones inhales sharply. “What? You’re gonna break up with me? Because of this? Because you don’t wanna fuck me?” He shakes his head. “Jesus, Jim. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If the idea makes you that uncomfortable, I’m not gonna keep pushin’ you on it. I do need to know why, though.”
"Because!" Jim blurts out, eyes blazing as he finally lifts his head. "I don’t want to hurt you!"
Bones blinks. “Hurt me? Why would you hurt me? I’d have you prep me beforehand, obviously.”
Jim’s jaw clenches. “It’d still hurt. It always hurts.”
"It always…." Bones echoes faintly as those words sink in. "Jim….when we….when I…” His heart squeezes painfully. “Darlin’, have I been hurting you?”
Jim frowns and shakes his head. “What? No. Of course not. It always feels good with you.”
Bones releases a breath of relief. “Then why would you think it’d hurt me?” he asks, confused.
"Because. You’ve never had that done to you before," Jim explains, pulling his arms free and then crossing them over his chest. "Look, Bones. It’s not painful for me cause I’ve gotten fucked plenty of times. But it’s not like that at the beginning. For the first few months, it’s…" Jim flinches almost imperceptibly. "It’s just bad, okay?" he mumbles, looking away. "I don’t wanna hurt you like that, Bones. I can’t hurt you like that.”
Bones suddenly feels like he might throw up. “Jim,” he says softly, “It’s not supposed to be like that. Even when you’re new to it.”
Jim huffs in disagreement and gives a stubborn turn of his head. “You’ve never tried it, Bones. You don’t know.”
"And you do." It wasn’t a question.
And that’s when Bones found out about Tarsus IV. About how Jim had traded the only thing he had to bargain with in exchange for meager parcels of food that helped the kids under his care make it through just another day. Bones wanted to find those men who’d taken advantage of a 13 year old boy’s desperation and had taken what they’d wanted from him; those men who'd used with such force and roughness that the man who that boy had become was terrified to let his boyfriend be on the receiving end when they made love, terrified he would cause him the same pain he’d suffered through.
Bones strokes Jim’s sweaty hair as the younger man breaks down, face buried against Bones’ chest as he cries.
Bones is used to fixing things, to healing hurts. But he learned long ago that he usually can’t heal the hurts that he wants to most.
All he can do is hold Jim close and not let go, so that’s exactly what he does.