Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“There’s something wrong with your brother,” said the Valkyrie.

Thor felt a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You’ve only just noticed?”

They were sitting in the mess hall of the Statesman, the tables around them primarily deserted. Once Korg and Miek had gotten the kitchens in order, Loki had organized a schedule throughout the day to keep mealtimes scattered and the passengers from having to crawl over each other to eat. This meant that the mess hall was almost constantly occupied – except for the graveyard shift, when all but the skeleton crew on duty typically found themselves asleep. It made it an ideal time for the newly installed king of Asgard to find a quiet moment to grab a drink with a friend.

Of course, when the Valkyrie had asked him to join her in the mess hall after their late-night meeting had finally adjourned, Thor had assumed she’d had no particular reason to want to talk to him. They were on their second round – well, it was Thor’s second round; the Valkyrie had a tendency to line up multiple drinks at once, which made keeping track somewhat tricky – and the conversation up to this point had been as innocuous as it was inconsequential. Which, Thor had to admit, had been overwhelmingly pleasant. It was nice – glorious, in fact – to be talking about anything other than a problem.

Or so he’d thought. “I don’t mean it like that,” said the Valkyrie, staring absently down at her two half-filled mugs, one in each hand. “I mean there’s something – different, about him. Not in a good way. He’s not himself.”

Thor frowned at that. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno, exactly. He’s been … moody, lately. On edge. He snaps at people; acts like he doesn’t have any patience for anyone anymore. Keeps to himself more, too.” The Valkyrie shook her head, took a swig from the mug in her right hand, then looked up at him. “When we first got on the ship, he seemed … hells, there’s no other word for it. He seemed happy. Not saying he and I were best mates all of a sudden, but he was even pleasant enough company. Now, though – everything’s off. He’s off.”

Thor considered this for a moment, trying to ignore the growing feeling of unease in the pit of his stomach. Surely there was nothing to truly feel uneasy about. Loki was no longer the man he had been; he’d more than proven that. On the other hand, this line of conversation was not exactly comforting. “Maybe he’s just –”

“Haven’t you noticed?” she interrupted him, and to her credit, the words came out not accusatory, but merely curious. “He spends more time with you than with anyone else on the ship.”

Thor took a moment to consider this. Had he noticed? What she said was true; Loki spent most of his day at Thor’s side. So, for that matter, did Heimdall and the Valkyrie herself. Thor may’ve become king, but surrounding himself with a council of advisors who were, for all intents and purposes, a council of fellow leaders had seemed like the wisest – and least pig-headed – way to rule. And so Thor was rarely alone, rarely without Loki alongside him.

And in the past week or so, Thor supposed he had noticed that Loki had been … quieter. A little more subdued. Not quite as ready with a quip or a grin. Thor had chalked it up to how busy they’d been, how many problems of a practical and mechanical nature they’d had to find a solution for – how tired they all were. Thor had noticed the change because he’d missed it, missed the gentle teasing and high good humor that had been radiating from his brother ever since Loki had shown up home once more. They’d all lost so much in an instant, and had so much to surmount on their slow pilgrimage to Earth. Thor hadn’t realized how much he’d been relying on his newly-whole brother to cheer him until that energy and light had dimmed slightly.

But Loki was not on board to be Thor’s personal morale officer. Thor knew his brother had returned as much for their people as he had for Thor – that Loki had even, in some ways, returned for himself. And if Loki’s energies and enthusiasm were flagging as much as any of them, it hadn’t resulted in him shirking any of his duties or loyalties.

Or so Thor had thought. “I think Loki’s making an effort around me,” said Thor slowly. “He’s never been impatient with me, or on edge. Quieter, maybe, but not –”

“He snapped at Hulk yesterday,” said the Valkyrie, and for the first time, there was a faint hint of anger in her face. “Accused him of being too stupid to be able to help out with anything, let alone something as sophisticated as maintenance work. It wasn’t just cruel, it was wrong – Hulk saved us a lot of hassle by bending that access hatch back into shape. Would’ve taken us half a dozen hours of work if we’d had to replace it.” Her face softened just slightly. “When the big guy damn near started crying, Loki apologized – but still.”

“I believe you,” said Thor. His voice was grim. Things were dire indeed if Loki was setting off on the Hulk, of all people. “I’ll – I’ll talk to him.”

“Thank you,” said the Valkyrie, looking relieved. She raised both mugs in a toast to him, and just before putting the left one to her lips, Thor heard her mumble, “Lots of luck to you.”

Thor smiled a bit, but couldn’t deny another lurch in the pit of his stomach. He had a feeling he’d need a bit of luck.

And then, of course, he simply didn’t do it.

Thor was relatively certain this wasn’t cowardice on his part. He had reached an understanding about his relationship with his brother, when Thor was sitting in the squalor of the Sakaar dungeons while Loki’s illusion took it in turns to offer sympathy and bait him. Thor loved his brother – even needed him – but he could make Loki do nothing. The only way to reach Loki was to let Loki reach out to him first.

And it had worked. Loki had stopped running away – from his family, from his people, from himself – the moment he had stopped being chased. He’d changed; he had, as Thor had told him he could, become more. Something wasn’t quite right now, something was clearly bothering him; but Thor was certain it was not plans for planetary domination or annihilation. (Loki had apparently reached a right healthy point where he’d only annihilate planets at his brother’s specific request.) Loki had earned himself space; Thor was content to wait and let his brother come to him when he was ready to speak about whatever was bothering him.

But then – to no real surprise – Loki forced his hand.

Lots of luck to you, the Valkyrie had said. Thor found himself wondering if perhaps the time had come to make his own luck.

“Loki?”

“What?” Loki hadn’t quite swallowed down the irritability that had been rising in his throat, and the single word came out harsher than he’d intended. He was curled up against the corner of his bunk, a book tucked into the crook of one arm. He’d retired early that evening, hoping to get in some much-needed reading before his eyes grew too heavy to keep open.

No rest for the weary, apparently. The door to his tiny cabin opened slowly, and his brother’s head popped around the side. “Mind if I come in?”

Yes, very much. He swallowed that down more quickly, and was able to force himself to smile. “Something I can help you with?”

He saw a fleeting expression cross Thor’s face – too quickly to register the emotion behind it, but it wasn’t hard to guess.

Oh, dear. His brother wanted to talk to him.

Thor slid the door shut behind him, then leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest. Rematch with the Valkyrie, take a hammer to the face, fall through the half-wit sorcerer’s vortex … It took Loki a moment to realize his brain was itemizing things he’d rather do than have this conversation.

Loki lowered his book a fraction, but kept it open and at the ready, hoping that perhaps Thor might take the hint. “I’d offer you a place to sit, but I’m afraid I’m fresh out of chairs. Or places to put them.”

A half-smile pulled at the corners of Thor’s mouth. “I’m all right, Brother.” He hesitated, trying to find the right words, but Loki could see the thought written plainly on his face: Are you?

“And I'm as well as can be expected,” said Loki. “As are we all.” The words came out rather tightly. “Was that all you wanted?”

Thor looked at him steadily. Not with disappointment, not with judgement – but simply with a quiet consideration. And quite suddenly, Loki felt a wave of disappointment wash through his chest. Not at Thor, but at himself. It was an old feeling, one he hadn’t experienced since returning home to Asgard, and he was rather chagrined to feel it again.

Loki sat up on the edge of the bed, gently closing the book and cradling it between his palms. It was one of the very few from his personal collection that he’d happened to have tucked away in a pocket dimension, and which therefore had not gone up in the flames of Ragnarok. It was a comfort, in a time when comforts were few and far between. “This is about this afternoon, I take it?” His tone didn’t quite make it a question. “I’ll tell you in advance – whatever you’ve come to say to me, I’ve no doubt you’re right.”

He had least had the undeniable amusement of watching this statement bring his brother up short. “I’m – what did you say?”

Loki couldn’t quite keep the smile from tugging at the side of his mouth. “I’m not going to be saying that twice, so if you missed it the first time, more’s the pity for you. But my point is –” The amusement faded as the wash of disappointment came back. “I-I was wrong to speak to Vor so. Especially in front of the Council like that. She was only trying to help.” He couldn’t quite seem to help but add, with a note of frustration in his voice, “It’s just that pessimism is the very last thing we need around this ship right about now.”

“She’s just a bit overly cautious. Trying to watch out for us all. Though I see your point.” Thor smiled, then said hesitantly, “It’s just –”

“I-know I-know I-know.” Loki nearly growled with frustration. “I can’t snap at people. Ever. They take it too much to heart – even when they shouldn’t. And she shouldn’t’ve. I really barely said two words to her.”

“She was crying, Loki.”

Loki shifted uncomfortably. “I … damn. I didn’t mean to do that. Didn’t mean for her to take it that personally.”

“You’re a leader here,” Thor pointed out. He pushed away from the wall, then sat on the edge of the bunk by Loki’s side. “And more. When they call you the Savior of Asgard now – they mean it. You are a hero, Brother. The people have come to look up to you. What you say carries true weight, even if you don’t mean it to.”

Loki sighed, then rested his chin in his hand. “I am sorry. I’ll find her and – and apologize.”

“Thank you,” said Thor, a note of cautious relief in his voice. Loki gave him a mock-glare.

“So I guess,” said Loki, trying to keep his voice light, “that I’ll just have to go back to antagonizing you when I need to let off a little steam.”

“Sounds about right.” Thor smiled, and while the smile reached his eyes this time, there was something odd about it that Loki could not put his finger on. Loki had just drawn a breath to ask him if there was something else, when Thor said, “Got a bit of a surprise for you.”

“Oh?” The word came out more tiredly than he meant it to.

“We’re two days’ travel from our next stop.”

Loki looked at Thor blankly. “We don’t have a stop scheduled in two days’ time. There isn’t even anything on the route in the next two days to stop at.”

Thor waved a hand airily. “We made a bit of a course correction.”

“What?” Loki snapped to his feet. “Brother, we can’t keep getting sidetracked by every roadside attraction. I know we occasionally need to stock up on supplies, but we have to keep that weighed against how much time we can afford to lose, especially as we’re running out of anything to trade. Besides –”

“I didn’t tell you where we’re going.”

“That’s beside the point!” When Thor continued to look at him, Loki gave a slight snort and leaned back against the wall, arms folded across his chest, mimicking his brother’s earlier pose. “All right, fine. What’s the destination so fantastic that it merits interrupting our course and delaying our trip?”

“We,” Thor grinned, “are going to Nonesuch.”

Loki stared at him.

“It’s not just about a pit stop, of course; you’re right that we can’t afford many of those. But one of the gladiators, Kassyndra; she’s from Nonesuch and is eager to get back home.” His brother, blast him, was grinning more broadly, knowing fully well he’d struck a chord. “And, I’m sure, we can pick up a few of those supplies you said we should be trying to do without while we’re there.”

Loki was still momentarily speechless. Then he coughed, attempting to appear aloof. “I don’t see why you’d think I’d be excited about dropping by that backwater planet.”

“Oh, yes,” said Thor solemnly. “The foremost center of magic and mysticism, this side of the galaxies and the Nine Realms. Can’t imagine why I’d think someone like you might find it an intriguing place to visit.”

Loki barely heard him. Nonesuch. They were going to Nonesuch. They’d only been there once before, centuries ago, and he hadn’t even had time to enjoy it. He could feel the corners of his mouth twitching, as he tried in vain to hold back the thrill of excitement rising in his chest.

“… Well, damn,” said Loki at last, finally allowing himself a reluctant but no-less-genuine smile. “If the course has already been laid in –”

“It has.”

“ – then I suppose there’s nothing I can do but quietly go along for the ride.”

“Quietly go along for the ride?” Thor snorted, but his good eye gleamed with amusement. “That, Brother, will indeed be the day.”