Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They had given him a choice that wasn’t much of a choice at all, and when he had chosen, they had thought the matter settled and washed their hands of it.

He couldn't say he regretted it, on the simple ground that all alternatives were equally terrible. That's what he told himself anyway, when he cursed himself for deciding to stay and live in his family house, instead of moving to another one in the Uchiha district, or being set up somewhere in town in a ninja-intended flat.

Living here was awful, but he wasn't so naïve as to think that being anywhere else would make anything better. Living in another house would have been awful and living in a nondescript, foreign flat would have been awful too.

Maybe it was just living that was awful.

But Sasuke sure had elected to face a specific kind of struggle by keeping to his old room in his old house. Well, they weren't old. He had been out of it and bundled up in the hospital for barely a week, as much to recover from the whole ordeal as, he suspected, to give the forensics and cleaning crews the time to wipe away all traces of The Night, to remove bodies and scrape off the blood.

He could still smell it anyway. Could still see it everywhere.

A week, and upon coming back everything had felt foreign to him. Weeks had passed since then, and nothing felt even marginally better.

He laid awake in his bed at night, staring at the ceiling, and listening, in his old room, from his old life. He hoped to catch the faintest noise of activity, traces of the sounds that had carried him off to sleep his entire life. His parents moving around the house, the neighbors chatting up in their front porch, the dull sound of shuriken hitting woods from some late training session.

Late-night pacing or writing from the next room over, the bedroom of…

In an apartment in town the silence wouldn’t have been a problem, but he would have been assaulted by foreign sounds, and it wouldn’t have been any better. He listened and listened, but there was nothing. Barely the crack of trees, the wind rustling the leaves. Nothing human.

He was all alone.

And that night he just couldn’t bear it anymore.

It wasn’t different from any other nights, except this time, he got out of bed. He put his neatly folded clothes back on. He had overheard a classmate today whisper to his friend how lucky Sasuke was that his mother wasn’t here to berate him into cleaning his room anymore. He had wanted to punch him in the face, but he had just glared and left the room.

They were absolute tools and he hated them all, but he didn’t have enough resentment in him to do something about it.

He didn’t have much of anything at all. Not for them, anyway.

He desperately wanted to get out of the Uchiha district. He had thought about going back on his decision and taking them up on their offer of a flat, but he had quickly dismissed the idea. Mostly because he was convinced it wouldn't change a thing, and he would soon want to move again. Also because letting go of the house, of that last tenuous link to his clan and family, he couldn't even consider it.

And maybe because he had made a choice and he intended to stick to it, not go back on it and make a scene now. He could stand by his choice. He could get through this.

It was just for tonight. Tonight, he needed to get out.

He avoided the busiest streets. Late as it was, they were emptying out anyway, but he didn’t want to risk running into anybody. Because he was. Running. He couldn’t seem to stop. Maybe if he ran fast enough, far enough, maybe he could outrun himself. Leave it all behind.

A nice thought, but one that was cut short by him slamming full force into someone his height, knocking them both down on their ass.

“Hey! Can’t you be more careful?”

As his luck would have it, it was Naruto.

.

On some intellectual level, Naruto knew that the way he lived was not normal.

Or that it wasn't the way any of his classmates lived anyway. The crushing loneliness, the lack of love and support, he had caught on early on, but over the years he had come to understand just how much deeper that difference ran.

Case in point, he was tiredly dragging groceries back to his lonely flat, something he was sure none of them had ever had to do.

He had spent the last of his monthly allowance at the grocery store – they did good promotions on Wednesday, just before closing, since they didn't open on Thursday. It was a busy time, which meant more side looks and comments thrown at him, but also that the shopkeepers were too busy to make a scene or watch his every move. Since he was short on money, he had wanted to take advantage of the promotion as much as he could, but that meant buying more than he could actually carry on his own, and the owner had refused to give him an extra bag to even out his load. Technically, he knew he could ask the old man for more, but the Hokage always looked so disappointed when he did, that Naruto had failed yet again to balance out his budget.

Another thing his classmates didn’t have to worry about. There had been a time when it was the masked ninja gravitating around him that took care of filling up his fridge, but after one too many misses and things he had no idea what to do with cluttering his kitchen, he had decided he would be better off taking care of it himself. Even if it meant suffering the trips on his own.

He didn’t really care. Or well, he had learned not to. He if had started caring about those things, he would have been angry all the time, and being angry was tiring and unpleasant. So he just tried not to think about it. But tonight he was tired, and he had stepped into a puddle and put mud all over his shoes, and he knew for a fact he wouldn’t get to eat Ichiraku’s ramen for at least another week and would have to make do until then with what he had bought, and he was finding it hard not to get angry.

So when someone slammed into him, making him tumble backward and let go of his precious hoard, he didn't even try to see who it was before he snapped.

“Hey! Can’t you be more careful?”

And as his (bad) his luck would have it, it was Sasuke.

.

“Sorry,” Sasuke said, getting back on his feet. His clothes were all dirty now, streaked with mud, and he would have to wash it on his own, something he hadn’t quite get a grasp on yet. His mood worsened, if it was possible, but he felt more angry than sad. Naruto was good for that, at least. Sasuke preferred anger. Anger, he knew how to let it out. “Don’t talk to me like that, idiot, I didn’t see you.”

“Well you…”

Sasuke was almost looking forward to a screaming match with the stupid blond. That would distract him for sure. He was easy to rile up. Easy to hurt. It didn’t settle anything in Sasuke, but at least he wasn’t the only one then. Expect Naruto cut his retort short when his eyes landed on the scattered items around him.

Only then did Sasuke noticed that he had been carrying some sort of groceries and that most of it were now muddy, spilled, or broken.

“Look at what you’ve done you… you…”

Sasuke was struck speechless, because it wasn’t anger he saw in Naruto’s face and heard in his voice. The boy was still on the floor, rummaging through his purchases with complete despair as he tried to salvage what he could.

“I spent all the money I had left on this… I don’t have anything left at home! Why’d you do that?”

Sasuke was going to protest, to defend himself, because he hadn’t done it on purpose, it wasn’t his fault. But Naruto wasn’t even looking at him. He was clutching a box of crushed eggs in his hands, head down and voice cracking.

The next second, it was gone.

Sasuke almost got whiplashed as he looked at the other boy quickly stuffing everything back in the bags and standing up again. His face was hardened and Sasuke even thought he was going to smile, which he found abhorrent for some reason. Thankfully, even Naruto couldn’t quite manage it at the moment.

“I have to go,” he said simply, fists closed hard around the bags, face pinched with determination. Once again, it could have been anger, but it wasn’t.

Naruto, he realized, was just trying very hard not to cry.

It was an expression he had often seen on the boy's face. His lips tightly closed, brows furrowed, eyes ablaze. Looking like rage, but that wasn't it, at all. He was most likely biting the inside of his mouth, digging his nails into his palms. Anything to distract himself, anything so that he could fool the others into thinking he was holding it together, anything not to cry in front of witnesses, not to show them any weakness they could grab on.

Sasuke had seen this expression often. On Naruto’s face, and on his.

He was vaguely aware of Naruto being an orphan and living alone, but he didn’t care before The Night, and he cared even less after. He had never wondered what that entailed exactly.

Looking at the ruined goods in the battered bags, Sasuke felt something stir inside of him, something that had made itself scarce lately, something he hadn’t realized had been missing until now.

It was feelings, but they weren’t for him. They weren’t his anger and his pain, his hatred and his despair. They were for Naruto. Guilt and concern, maybe even empathy for a pain stranger to his own.

It felt like running away from himself and into someone else. Someone who probably wanted to run too.

Naruto stepped around him and started to walk away, and suddenly, Sasuke couldn’t bear it.

“Wait!”

It sounded too loud and too commanding in the sleepy silence of the empty street. Naruto looked back with a frown after a short hesitation.

“What?”

.

Naruto just wanted to run home, hide under his covers and sleep for a hundred years. Why had he yelled at Sasuke like that? What if he told the others at the Academy, or reported him to the teachers? Naruto didn’t need to get into any more trouble than he already was.

He needed to get out of there. He couldn’t cry, not in front of Sasuke. Sasuke would mock him. He would bring it to the others. No one had ever seen Naruto cry, ever, and no one ever would. No one would ever see how they could get him down. He smiled, that’s what he did. He refused to let them know, let them see.

He hurried off, willing to put distance between them as fast as he could.

“Wait!”

Still, he couldn’t help but pause.

It just sounded very strange, Sasuke’s voice just then. Unfamiliar.

“What?” he asked warily, curious despite himself. Sasuke looked at a loss for word. He hesitated, but he didn’t look away when he answered.

“I’ll buy your things back.”

And Naruto, shell-shocked and confused, could only answer “the shop is closed now.”

Sasuke huffed out a frustrated sound.

“Not right now! Just… I’ll do it.”

He looked earnest, determined. Naruto couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, but he wasn’t about to say that.

“Okay. I… Okay.”

There was an awkward silence where they both shifted on their feet, trying to find the right way to put an end to that whole meeting. What broke the silence wasn’t any of their voices though – it was Naruto’s stomach, traitorous as ever, which growled loudly, cramping around empty air.

Naruto hadn’t eaten anything all day.

He blushed in embarrassment, mortified. His hopes that the other boy hadn't heard it were crushed upon seeing the look on his face, surprised and perplexed. But before Naruto could make a quick exit, Sasuke spurted out even more nonsense.

“Let’s go eat something.”

This time Naruto was sure he was having him on.

“What’re you talking about?”

Nothing about this made any sense.

“You said… you said you had nothing to eat. I didn’t… eat. Either. So let’s… let’s get… something.”

“You… have money?”

“Yes.”

It just occurred to Naruto then that it was very odd for Sasuke to be out alone so late, and so far from his home.

Not much was known about what had happened to the Uchiha clan. Not much by the civilians, anyway. Naruto had taken up the habit of lurking around the jonins and the Hokage office at the Tower. Since everyone was quick to dismiss and ignore him, it meant he could actually get a good ear in sometimes.

Sasuke’s entire clan and family had been slaughtered by his own brother. As far as he knew, his motivations weren’t very clear.

Naruto had never had any family. He had never had anyone who had loved him and hadn’t loved anyone either. So he could only imagine, with great difficulty, what Sasuke was going through. Sometimes he thought maybe the old man cared about him, but he was too dismissive, too absent for it to really hold, to be of any value. The nicest people in his life were Teuchi and his daughter at Ichiraku, and Iruka-sensei, but they weren’t his family. Yet just picturing Iruka or even one of the other teachers going crazy and killing off his classmates was enough to give Naruto nightmares, and he didn’t love any of them, nor did they love him.

What he could imagine was all kind of terrible.

And Sasuke was on his own now. Just like him. Alone, with money to get by and sort himself out.

They were the same.

“…Ichiraku’s still open,” Naruto said cautiously, taking a step forward. He was sure Sasuke was going to pull the rug under his feet at any time, but the boy just scrunched up his nose in confusion.

“The ramen stand?”

“Yeah. It’s not far.”

“Hm. Alright.”

For a moment none of them moved, they just stared at each other, confusingly aware that this was all very odd, that something was happening right now and that they didn’t get it.

It was Sasuke’s stomach which interrupted them this time, and it was so incongruous, so mundane coming from his perfect, stoic classmate, that Naruto couldn’t help a light giggle to escape him.

“Let’s go!” he said cheerfully, even if he wasn’t really feeling it. He was good at it, after all this time, but for once it wasn’t to protect himself from the hostility around him.

It was nice to see Sasuke relax, if only slightly, fall into step with him. It had to be the weirdest thing that had ever happened to Naruto, but it wasn’t a bad weird, for now anyway. So he decided to just roll with it, as he was prone to do.

.

The thought of finding himself alone again had just been too terrifying for Sasuke to let it happen without a fight.

He almost felt bad, because he was using Naruto in a way. But then again, it was his fault the boy’s errand was for naught, and he had been raised with manners, even if no one was here to enforce them anymore… He clenched his fist remembering about the two boys from earlier.

Stupid, all of them.

He could tell Naruto’s smile was fake, but maybe not entirely. He was genuinely cheered up by the prospect of food, Sasuke believed.

He was on a budget too now, but his funds came from the Uchiha’s fortune, and even with most of it sealed away for now, it was still extensive. He wasn’t handling it anyway. ANBU dropped by every week with some groceries that were slowly filling the kitchen, almost untouched. He ate the same things time after time and stored or threw away the rest – what did they expect him to do with some of it anyway? He had picked up some cooking from his mother, but nothing very fancy. Her cooking books were full of recipes, he knew. He hadn't touched them.

Was Naruto in the same case? He seemed to have to buy his food himself. Could he cook? Sasuke doubted it.

It felt… weird. Wrong. Why was it like this? It was weird, wasn’t it?

“Oh, Naruto! It’s a bit late for you isn’t it? And who is your friend?”

Lost in thoughts, Sasuke hadn't even registered they had entered the brightly lit stand until he was faced with a smiling man behind a wooden counter. There were no other customers, and they both climbed onto the high stools while Naruto chatted happily with the man he seemed to know well.

“I know, I know. Don’t tell Iruka-sensei! This is my… friend, Sasuke.”

Sasuke caught on the hesitation, even it was barely there. He understood – they weren’t friends, he didn’t even know what they were doing right now, but how could they explain that? He didn’t want to.

He waited for the recognition in the eyes of the man and the younger woman helping him. If they realized who he was though, they didn’t let it show.

Sasuke had seen how the villagers treated Naruto and saw nothing of it in that man. He understood why Naruto had brought them here.

“What will it be then boys?”

“The usual!” Naruto shouted happily, and Sasuke marveled at how quickly he had recovered his cheers and good mood, if only superficially.

“And for you?”

Sasuke looked awkwardly around him, unsure of what to do. He had never been there before, had no idea what they served and how it worked.

“Same as him,” he mumbled before he could embarrass himself even more. The man nodded without a comment.

“You’ve never been here?” Naruto exclaimed, incredulous and slightly offended on Sasuke’s behalf. Sasuke’s reluctant confirmation made him bream though. ”Well get ready to be blown away, ‘cause Ichiraku ramen are the best!”

Sasuke wanted to ask him how he could talk to him like that now, where this was coming from. They weren't friends, had never been anything but indifferent or downright hostile toward one another, and yet here they were now, just because Sasuke had offered him some payback for the incident.

Maybe it was just more already, than most were willing to give the blond boy.

Here were those strange feelings again. That were not for him.

“Here it is!” the man exclaimed, putting two steaming bowls in front of them. Naruto cheered and dug in right away, slurping at the noodled loudly, making a mess.

Two girls whispering in a corner of the classroom. “No wonder why he’s so messy. No one ever taught him any better”. The envy in their voice. Sasuke’s anger, but not for himself.

He took up his own chopsticks, stared at his bowl. He was aware that Ichiraku was a popular joint among the population and the ninjas especially, but it wasn’t the kind of place he had ever frequented with his family. They didn’t mix up much with the rest of the village as a general rule, and they had their own food courts in the Uchiha district.

It was almost rebellious, being there right now. But he was the only one who knew it.

He ate.

“It’s good.”

.

The only way to go was forward. Naruto tried to never dwell much on anything. It was too depressing. He held on the rare occasions people were nice to him and tried to forget the many others they weren’t. No matter how the night went from now on, he would cherish that single point in time when Sasuke decided to treat him decently.

He chatted lightly with Teuchi while polishing off his bowl. In many ways, the old chef and his daughter were the people he was closest to in the whole village. The only ones of whom he had no bad memories to forget, for they had always treated him fairly, like any other customers. Maybe even a little more, because on his last birthday, Teuchi had made him a bowl for free, and it was one of the best things that had ever happened to him.

He was glad he got to share that with someone else, even if it was Sasuke. Everyone would benefit from knowing the joy and comfort of eating ramen at Ichiraku.

Only when both their bowls were empty and Ayame started to tidy up for closing did Naruto got nervous again. What if Sasuke decided to prank him and refused to pay?
Naruto didn’t have enough left for even one slice of pork. Teuchi was kind, but he didn’t like freeloaders, and would he believe him, against Sasuke? Adults always believed the other kids.

His concerns were for naught though, because Sasuke pulled out a small but full wallet from his pocket, asking for what he owed for the two bowls. A brief look of surprise crossed Teuchi’s face as he looked at Naruto ducking his head in embarrassment.

“Only one,” the old man said easily. “First bowl here is free for kids.”

Nothing showed on Sasuke’s face as he nodded and paid for one bowl.

Naruto didn’t know if it was a real rule, but he remembered his first time at Ichiraku. He was soaked to the bones but unwilling to go back to his empty apartment, and the light and warmth of the shop, the only one opened in the empty street, had been so tempting, so inviting, he had come closer, just to see. Teuchi had spotted him, but instead of shooing him away, he’d beacon him closer, and put a large bowl in front of him. Naruto had devoured it before realizing it would cost money and he had none, but Teuchi hadn’t let him panic.

“You’re a kid, it’s on the house this time!”

Years of being shunned and scorned later, Naruto could truly appreciate how special it had been, and what a hero Teuchi was. In his eyes, anyway.

They made their goodbyes, Naruto promising to come back as soon as he could, and found themselves back on the dark streets. Naruto's mood had improved by a wild marge, even with his groceries still in a pitiful state. A problem for later.

“Teuchi is very nice. He’ll give you a free bowl on special occasions and even let you keep a tab if you come often enough! The takoyaki stand next to the Academy does that too, but careful ‘cause if you don’t pay up then you’re banned for life. Also that pastry shop there? Their mochis are half priced at the end of the week ‘cause…”

Naruto caught Sasuke staring at him then, with puzzled, inquisitive eyes, and his mouth clicked shut. What was he doing, telling Sasuke this? But he couldn’t help it. He wanted to share, those things that hardly mattered to other but were lifesavers to him.

“I mean… I just know a lot of... Stuff like that. If you want. I know my way around every shop out there. So. Yeah.”

They were walking the village aimlessly, but Naruto was still more or less taking the direction of his flat, and Sasuke seemed content just to follow. An uneasy silence fell over them both, until…

"I'll help with that," Sasuke said abruptly, and he took one of the bags from Naruto's hand and started to walk more purposefully, leaving the blond boy stunned behind him. After a few steps though, he had to turn back.

“Where to?” he asked.

Few actually knew where he lived. The people in the neighborhood did, more or less, but his building was half-empty – he preferred not to think it was because he lived there – and others didn’t care. He had never had anyone over expect the old man and Iruka-sensei, and it was better this way. As cold and bleak as this flat was, it was still a safe haven in the hostility of the village, where he was lonely, sure, but being alone was better than the alternative sometimes.

He hesitated, but he didn't want this night to end. Whatever had possessed Sasuke to act like that, and whatever had possessed himself to go along with it instead of pushing him away, he didn't want to be the one to break it. He had been accused before of being too trustful. After one too many times falling for his classmates' traps, who tricked him into doing dumb or dangerous stuff with the false pretenses of accepting him as a friend, Iruka-sensei had tried as gently as possible to teach him about guarding his heart and being wary of other's intentions.

Naruto simply couldn’t do it. Because he was terrified if he started to act this way, he would miss the one time the offer was genuine. It was a risk he couldn’t take.

He preferred risking getting hurt again (and again), than risk missing out on an actual attempt at friendship.

So he resumed walking and guided Uchiha Sasuke to his home.

.

Sasuke had no idea what he was doing. He had never acted so recklessly in his life, without thinking about the consequences at all. He was moving on instinct, on emotions. It should have made his skin crawl, but he was too exhausted to care.

The prospect of getting back to his empty house, right now, was his worst nightmare, and he was ready to do anything to delay it, just a little. Even if it meant following Naruto around the village for a while.

They entered a district Sasuke knew hosted shinobis almost exclusively. Those buildings were full of clanless genin, chunin and jounin and their families, with few civilians in the mix. He supposed it allowed Naruto some sort of reprieve, since the civilians always treated him the worse. Not to say shinobis didn’t treat him badly too, but at least they tried to be subtle about it, or to just ignore him entirely.

Naruto made it very hard to ignore him though. The opposite of Sasuke, whose dearest wish was to just become invisible to the crowd, so that he would be left in peace, protected from prying, pitying eyes.

There was no one to look at them now. Everything was quiet, empty, even if he thought he caught some movements on the rooftops, probably guards on patrol or returning nins. No one approached them anyway, and Sasuke followed Naruto all the way to a sad looking building, and then up to the last floor and to a battered door decorated with the boy’s signature red spiral.

Naruto unlocked the door, and Sasuke pushed in before the boy could turn him away.

Not just yet, not just yet. He needed more time, just a little. Then he would go back. Just a little more.

.

“Hey!”

Naruto would have grabbed Sasuke to stop him from barging into his home, but his hands were full. He scrambled in after the other boy who had already kicked off his shoes and was marching toward the kitchen.

Seeing Sasuke inside his apartment was jarring and a little terrifying. Naruto had wandered by the Uchiha district before, he knew what their houses looked like. For all intent and purposes, Sasuke was from a rich, distinguished family, and Naruto’s kitchen was filled with dirty dished and empty ramen cup, in addition to being smaller than Sasuke’s closet probably.

The boy didn't comment on anything though. He didn't really look around. He focused on the groceries, trying to gauge what was salvageable and where to put it away. There wasn't much variety. The old man and Iruka kept telling him that he had to eat healthier, like vegetables and stuff, but none had ever bothered to explain to him what exactly he was supposed to do with those. Tomatoes were easy, carrots too, but the other stuff? Cabbages, beans, onions… He had no idea how to cook any of it, and had discovered quickly – by way of trying it out – which he could bite in raw like an apple, and which he could not.

Cooking books could only take him so far, because reading was a hassle and they didn’t really explain anything anyway. He had burnt food, utensils and himself a few times and decided that instant food was a safer bet.

Sasuke probably ate a lot of fancy food, big dinners with lots of plates on the table, and would find his hoard pitiful.

Except Sasuke lived alone now. Just like Naruto.

They finished putting everything away – barely half of it, Naruto had to trash the rest with great regrets – and fell back into tense, awkward immobility and silence. Naruto didn’t know where to go from there. He was getting tired, especially now that his belly was full, but he didn’t know how to send Sasuke away.

Didn’t even know if he wanted to.

There had to be a reason why Sasuke was wandering the street alone in the middle of the night, and none Naruto could think of were particularly good. Besides, it was kinda nice. To have the boy here. To have anyone here, really, but it was Sasuke and it was… It was kinda nice.

And, well. No one was going to call Sasuke back home. No one was waiting for him.

That didn’t mean he’d want to stay either though.

“Well. Thanks. I guess."

Sasuke was frowning as usual, but he looked more confused than angry, or angry because he was confused.

“You don’t… you can leave, now, if you want. I mean I’m not… It’s just… You can.”

Sasuke wasn't looking at him, eyes cast sideways and resolutely fixed on the fridge or something, and Naruto couldn't read him, couldn't guess what he was thinking. He was tensed, but he didn't react to Naruto's words. Didn't even seemed to have heard them. Naruto carried on anyway, never one to know when to stop talking.

“Or not, you know. You could just… Stay. Here. If you want. I don’t… Yeah.”

Flushed in embarrassment, Naruto decided that now was a good time to shut up, if only because he had no idea what to say anymore, and waited.

.

It was ridiculous. It was. Sasuke didn’t even know what he was doing here. He had to go back, to leave. He didn’t need anyone and he certainly didn’t need Naruto. Dead-last, idiot Naruto with his stupid smile and his stupid challenges, so loud and annoying all the time.

With no family, no friends, no clan. What a sordid, horrible common point they had.

“Why would I do that?”

It sounded harsher than he had intended, and Naruto recoiled. Sasuke had been both dreading and hoping for when the conflictual nature of the other boy would resurface – where it had disappeared to all this time, for it was the first time they had been civil toward each other. Then again, it was also the first time they met outside the classroom and the burden of their classmates’ gaze. Sasuke had a sense Naruto acted out in class to bring attention on himself – something he couldn’t understand, really – but he had never given much thought to how genuine he was in his interactions with the others, and with himself. He knew they didn’t really hate each other. They didn’t know each other nearly enough for that. It was more of a power dynamic than anything else, and it had no reason to exist here.

So Naruto pouted but he didn’t get angry. He just mumbled, “I dunno, just an idea,” hands behind his head in his usual I-don’t-even-care position.

Sasuke couldn't. He had to go home. Even if it was about the last thing he wanted to do. Maybe he could just hang out at one of the parks until school started. He would be dead on his feet the next day, but it was a small inconvenience. He wouldn't be able to sleep at home anyway.

He just couldn’t stay here. It didn’t make sense.

Naruto opened his mouth again before Sasuke could.

“It just would be nice, maybe. To not sleep alone.”

His eyes were downcast and he was biting his lips, like he wanted to punish them for letting that thought slip past. He was rocking on his heels, the picture of discomfort he was trying and failing to hide.

There was no way to know if he was talking about Sasuke or about himself. Sasuke could decide he was talking about himself. That Naruto was the one in desperate need of company. Naruto wasn’t considerate enough to make such a proposal for Sasuke’s sake anyway. Even if he had been less confrontational lately, more inclined to leave Sasuke alone, and on some occasions, to make a nuisance of himself just when Sasuke was getting overwhelmed by the girls crowding him or the boys whispering about him behind his back, effectively distracting them with his antics.

Sasuke didn’t want to think about it, to notice. But he had.

If they didn’t talk about it though, he could just pretend it didn’t exist.

“What, are you scared?”

He wanted to punch himself in the face. He just stood straight and scolded harder, not about to take his words back. This whole thing was too strange, he was desperate to get back on more familiar ground, to set Naruto off and be done with all this. But the blond boy didn’t react like he expected. He didn’t react at all, barely a shrug.

He didn’t deny it. Didn’t say a thing. But the look in his eyes, the way he stared at Sasuke…

Sasuke was used to no one understanding how he was feeling, this was unnerving, to say the least. It felt like Naruto could see everything, right through him, like he was suddenly staring at him with activated Sharingans.

He still looked hurt, and for some reasons Sasuke didn’t like it at all.

“Whatever,” he said, waving a hand. He took the way of what Sasuke assumed to be his bedroom. It was better that way. Sasuke couldn’t just stay. It didn’t make any sense. It was…

“Okay!”

Naruto spun around, eyes wide.

“What?”

“I’ll… I’ll stay.”

For a second Sasuke was terrified that Naruto would take it back, or said he hadn’t meant it. He was already bracing himself for the humiliation.

“Oh. Okay.”

 They were both equally surprised by this outcome.

“Okay.”

.

Never in a million years would have Naruto hoped that Sasuke would actually say yes. And yet, here they were, Naruto in his bed, Sasuke on a dusty futon on the other side of the bedroom, in borrowed sheets and borrowed clothes. He had stood awkwardly in a corner while Naruto bustled around the room, to tidy up a bit, water the plants while refraining from talking to them like he usually did, and set up a decent spot for his classmate. Dead on his feet a few minutes ago, Naruto was now wide awake and restless, thrown off balance by the sheer surrealism of that situation. He could practically feel Sasuke’s tension from across the room.

Eventually though, they both relaxed. Naruto mumbled a “g’night” and turned away from the other boy to face the wall, but he could still feel his presence, hear his regular, if a little fast breathing.

It was someone. Someone else here, alive in this room, by Naruto’s side. Someone that didn’t wish him harm (he hoped). Someone who whispered a “good night” in the silence they shared and that didn’t feel as suffocating as it used to.

Naruto closed his eyes, and for the very first time, he was carried to sleep by the sound of another person’s breathing.

.

Sasuke was convinced he wouldn’t fall asleep. The noises were so foreign, everything was. But amidst all that, there was Naruto, sleep betrayed by the slowing down of his breath, his sudden stillness.

Asleep, but alive.

Sasuke listened, and listened, and then, he slept.

Chapter Text

When he woke up the next morning, Naruto was alone.

He was a bit ashamed of having slept through Sasuke getting up and folding the sheets and futon neatly in a corner, but he was mostly disappointed. He had pointedly avoided thinking about today, about the aftermath of their strange night but the worry was hitting him back full force as he got dressed for school.

He was used to it though. Small kindnesses, meaningful but short-lived. An extra piece at the dango shop. A woman keeping quiet about seeing him hiding from other kids. A flower offered to him same as any other passerby during the Flower Festival. He remembered them all even if they meant so little to them. They meant the world to him, and he remembered, even if they refused to serve him next time, shooed him away from his hiding spot, threw the flower in his face.

He would remember that night, even if Sasuke decided to scorn him today. Remember and treasure it, for it had been very nice, the nicest he had had in a long time.

He made his way to the Academy with even more reluctance than usual, but he reasoned that whatever happened, it couldn’t be much worse than any other day. It would pass, as anything did.

When Naruto stepped into the classroom, he couldn’t help zeroing on Sasuke, already sitting at his desk and surrounded by his court. He wore clean clothes, so he had made the trip back to the Uchiha district before coming to class.

Their eyes met briefly. Sasuke looked away.

It was fine. It was alright. Naruto was used to it. He went to his place, did his best to be even more infuriating than usual, and didn’t glance at Sasuke once. At the end of the day, he had filled it away in the "one-time thing" category and he went to the playground with Choji and Shikamaru. They didn’t really play together as much as they did their own thing in each other’s company. Shikamaru napped, Choji snacked and Naruto climbed the monkey bar. It was nice though. Anything was nicer if he did it with someone else. Even sleeping.

He had to stop thinking about it now. Always forward.

Except when he started to walk back home, after Shikamaru and Choji had left with their parents with a quick goodbye, he ran into Sasuke, again.

He ran into Sasuke standing by a lamppost in his street. Basically, waiting for him.

Huh.

“I told you I’d buy your food back,” Sasuke said by way of a greeting, angry like Naruto had forced him to be there. Which he hadn’t. He had never believed for one second that Sasuke would actually keep his word on it.

“Huh,” he said intelligently. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Let’s go.”

Sasuke was in a terrible mood and Naruto deemed it wise to comply without protesting. If anything, it proved to be a funny experience, to see the shopkeepers torn between scorning at Naruto and cooing at Sasuke. They were greatly confused by the sight of the two of them together, a confusion that ultimately worked to their advantage, because they forgot to be either condescending or insulting. Sasuke said nothing about what Naruto put in the basket, and Naruto pretended he didn’t see him put in his own addition, assuming that he was also buying things for himself. The amount made him sick just to see it, but Sasuke paid without blinking and without a word, and like the previous day, they walked side by side to Naruto’s place.

They put away the groceries in silence. Naruto didn’t comment on the fact that Sasuke was storing his cupboard with things he didn't ask for, or even knew the use of. The boy was almost vibrating with pent-up emotions, and Naruto didn’t know which ones, but he suspected they weren’t very good. It felt like any comment he didn’t like would set him off, and it was too late to fight.

In the end there was only a small bag left, that Sasuke grabbed before turning toward the front door without another word, or look. Naruto opened his mouth to hold him back, say something.

He refrained.

Sasuke put his shoes back on, opened the door. And then he stopped.

“What are you going to eat?”

It was so out of the blue, Naruto wasn’t sure he had understood the question, and he certainly didn’t know how to answer it.

“I don’t know. I’ll heat up some ramen I guess.”

Sasuke sighed heavily. He was gripping at the doorknob hard and looked angry. Furious, even. Naruto didn’t get it.

He jumped out of his skin when Sasuke slammed the door shut, and he needed a few seconds to register that the other boy hadn’t left – he had marched back into the kitchen and was unpacking his own groceries.

“What… What are you doing?”

“Dinner, what does it look like?”

It looked like he was filling up the rice cooker and eating up some water and didn’t look like he was going to explain to Naruto what he was doing.

“Why?”

Sasuke didn’t deign to answer that and kept slicing up vegetables with a lot of fury for such a mundane task. Naruto felt sorry for those poor things.

“Can I help?”

This look, he recognized. It’s the one Sasuke used to make the girls fawning over him flee when he was really fed up with their attention. The one that managed somehow to convey all his annoyance and disdain. Naruto puffed his cheeks, not keen on receiving that kind of looks in his own home.

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not!”

“Because you can’t do anything!”

“You don’t know that!”

“I do!”

“No you don’t!”

“Well I don’t need help so back off!”

“This is my house! You don’t tell me what to do!”

Sasuke stood up from his chair, the knife he was holding clattering on the counter, and he marched to the door once again.

“Don’t leave!”

The tone was as aggressive as their previous exchange and it rang loudly in the thick atmosphere of the room. Sasuke froze, fists clenched and his whole body tensed. Naruto wasn’t sure he even meant it, but the cry had torn itself out of his throat without his permission or will. It sounded too much like an order for Sasuke to let it pass.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he grumbled lowly. He didn’t turn back to the kitchen, but he didn’t move forward either.

“I won’t if you don’t,” Naruto said petulantly, crossing his arms to appear more determined even if Sasuke was facing away from him. He kept the same position as slowly, ever so slowly, Sasuke came back on his steps and went to the stove without looking at him.

.

It was all Naruto’s fault, Sasuke kept telling himself, knowing perfectly well it wasn’t true. It was all Naruto’s fault.

Why did he have to be like that? Why didn’t he kicked out Sasuke as soon as they had been done here? Or even, the day before, prevented him from invading his home? Or accompanying him there, for that matter. Why couldn’t he react like a normal person?

It was his fault if Sasuke was back tonight. He knew Naruto wouldn’t throw him out, and that was enough for the temptation to be too great.

It was Naruto’s fault, because Sasuke had eaten and slept better the previous night than he had in weeks, and he wanted, oh how he wanted to stay away, to forget all about it. But just going back to change clothes in the morning had been hell, and walking out of the Academy earlier, the prospect of going back to his empty house had been enough for his body to stop cooperating. He had stood a long, awkward moment in the middle of the street, unable to make himself go forward.

It was Naruto’s fault because he lived not too far away, and it was too easy to walk there and wait, and to rob him into doing what Sasuke asked of him, and to follow him home. He was just too much of an idiot.

It was Naruto’s fault if Sasuke craved this, the proximity in the small kitchen, the sounds, the warmth. Really. All his fault.

Case in point, Naruto didn’t send him away. Worse, when Sasuke snapped and decided on the spot that spending the night in the woods would be a terrific idea, Naruto stopped him. He probably didn’t want to be alone even if Sasuke was a jerk to him. It was pathetic.

Focused on the sauce eating up on the stove, Sasuke ruminated his dark thoughts, careful not to question his own behavior through all this. He was angry and didn’t know what to do with it, other than taking it out on the people around him. It usually worked, but for some reasons, it tasted bitter in his mouth now, with how silent and broody Naruto was being.

It didn’t last though

“What are you making?”

He was standing at a reasonable distance, craning his neck to see into the pot without getting closer. Curiosity had gotten the better of him, his indignation forgotten already. Was he even able to hold a grudge? His tendency to just wash off any offense was ridiculous.

“Curry,” Sasuke answered through his teeth, because he did have some manners, even if Naruto was skilled at making him forget it, and he was cooking in his flat without proper permission.

“Really?”

Sasuke turned toward the boy, determined to chew him out if he wasn’t on board with that, but Naruto wasn’t skeptical or displeased. He was looking at Sasuke with awe and he crossed the distance he had been carefully maintaining between them in three quick steps.

“You can make curry?” he asked, peering into the pot like it was some kind of treasure.

“…Yes. I can’t make the mix myself but I bought this.”

He agitated the box of curry sauce mix under Naruto’s nose. The boy grabbed it eagerly, scanning it like it would reveal some great secrets.

“That’s so awesome,” Naruto said seriously, stupidly impressed by something so trivial.

Sasuke’s mother did the mix herself, but of course, she had never written it down anywhere, and they had never managed to get it right, even when doing it with her. So when both their parents were out, they just bought these boxes, some beef, carrots, potatoes… Sasuke had watched the process often enough to know, more or less, what he was doing.

Itachi was eager to learn how to cook. So he could take care of Sasuke when they were on their own, he said, and because he had a strange obsession for focusing on any skill that had nothing to do with the shinobi world. Sasuke thought it was cool, so he had started learning too. It was a good excuse to spend time with his mother and brother.

His hand clenched around the spoon as he was assaulted by memories. They were good memories, warm and bright, but tarnished now, tinged with blood and despair. Sasuke inhaled deeply, which turned out to be a mistake, because the strong smell of curry filled his nostrils and transported him back to his house, back to another life, it seemed, something he doubted had ever existed at all.

Hadn’t Itachi said it was all an act from the start?

Sasuke let go of the spoon and raced to the bathroom to throw up the meager content of his stomach.

.

Naruto didn’t dare to take his eyes away from the pot.

He could hear Sasuke in the bathroom – probably sick over something he ate, as it happened to Naruto all the time – but he couldn’t check up on him. He had to watch the pot.

There were some instructions on the box, but they made little sense to him. He didn’t even know what step Sasuke was on, even if judging from the bits of meat and veggies already in the pot, he supposed it was close to the last ones. He wasn’t confident enough to lower the heat or add anything, so he just stirred dutifully, hoping that Sasuke would feel better soon.

There was no more sound coming out of the bathroom, but no Sasuke either. Naruto didn’t pay much attention to how long the other boy stayed in there, too focused on the food. It didn’t look burnt yet so he kept his hopes up.

Sasuke emerged, eventually.

“Look, I watched over it!” Naruto exclaimed proudly, confident in the fact that dinner wasn’t ruined for now.

Sasuke stared at him with a weird expression on his face. He looked torn between several reactions. He glanced at the door briefly and Naruto faltered, hoping Sasuke wasn’t too sick that he would have to go home. He had no idea how to go from there, he couldn’t finish this up on his own.

“What do we do now?” he asked, hoping it would decide Sasuke to stay. It seemed to work. Sasuke didn’t come back to the stove – he went to sit at the kitchen table – but he wasn’t leaving just yet.

“Pour what’s it the box and stir,” he said, voice muffled because he had buried his head in his arms. Naruto was both pleasantly surprised by Sasuke trusting him with this, and mildly panicked by the responsibility. He opened the box and took out one of the packets.

“Huh… How many packet?”

“Just one.”

“Do I put all of it?”

“Yeah.”

“In one go or like, bit by bit?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“But if…”

“Just pour it in you moron!”

Naruto puffed his cheeks but decided to let it slide this one time. Sasuke was sick, and Naruto was always cranky when he was sick, so he got it.

He dumped the nice smelling powder into the pot and panicked a little when it formed lumps with the water and grease in the pot. Eventually though, it started dissolving into a smooth sauce, the smell getting stronger and more alluring by the minute.

“Is it ready now?” he asked eagerly, his stomach growling.

“No,” Sasuke bit back. “It’s not ready yet.”

It looked ready to Naruto, but he wasn’t really an expert. He stirred some more.

“And now?”

“No.”

“And now?”

“No!”

“When then?”

“When I tell you! Shut up!”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“I have to, since you don’t know anything!”

“Well I’ve never cooked that before! I can’t just guess!”

“So listen to me!”

Okay, that made sense, kind of. Naruto didn’t admit that out loud of course, but he stopped complaining and focused back on the pot. How did Sasuke even know it wasn’t ready? He couldn’t see it from where he was slumped on the table. Was it by the smell? It smelt good.

“It should be good now. Turn off the stove.”

Naruto complied obediently. He jumped when the timer of the rice cooker dinged loudly by his sides– he hadn’t even notice Sasuke had managed to make it work. Naruto didn’t use it much because he never managed to get it right, the rice either too soggy or too hard, but when he scooped some to put in two large bowls, he found it looked alright for once.

He poured curry over the rice, careful not to spill any, grabbed two spoons in a drawer and brought it all on the kitchen table where Sasuke was still sulking. On second thoughts, Naruto also filled to glasses with tap water and even snatched some paper towel from the counter. He arranged it all and, quite proud of him, rested his elbows on the table and stared at Sasuke with a bright smile, waiting for him to straighten up so that they could eat.

As soon as Sasuke’s head lifted up from his arms, Naruto clapped his hands together.

“Thank you for the meal!”

And proceeded to drill into his plate without wasting a second.

The meat was too cooked, hard to chew, and the potatoes and carrots too firm, but Naruto was in heaven. He loved ramen, but instant ramen had nothing on proper ones. And they had nothing on real curry either.

Three minutes later his plate was almost empty and he raised his head, reconnecting with reality, to notice that Sasuke hadn’t moved an inch.

“You’re not eating? It’s going to get cold.”

Sasuke shrugged. He was pale – paler than usual, which made him look like a ghost – and he was biting down on his lower lips, hard.

“Are you still feeling sick? Maybe food will make it better!”

Experience had taught him that it wasn’t the case at all, but he still tried it every time anyway. Even sick, he was still hungry and still wanted to eat. He usually regretted it afterward.

“’m not sick,” Sasuke mumbled. He was eyeing his plate suspiciously, as if it was going to bite him.

“You have to eat then. Eating is important to keep strength and grow up alright,” Naruto recited, having been told often enough. As if he needed any motivation to eat. Truth be told the sentence went “eating properly is important”, but since he wasn’t quite sure what that meant, he didn’t dwell on that detail.

Not for the first time this evening, or in general, Sasuke looked at him like he was a hopeless idiot, with complete disdain. Naruto hated that look. The one that conveyed clearly how much better than him Sasuke considered himself, so much that he didn’t even consider him a blip on his radar, a worthy opponent. Sasuke may have been better than him for a lot of things, but that didn’t mean he had to be so smug about it. Naruto would beat him one day and then he’d get to be the smug one.

He was going to voice that exact thought, but Sasuke’s expression suddenly dissolved as he focused back on his plate. He looked disgusted by it, which didn’t make sense.

"It tastes good you know. I didn't ruin it or poison it or anything," he said defensively. It felt important somehow, that Sasuke ate it too. That they shared this meal, together in Naruto's kitchen.

Sasuke opened his mouth, closed it. He sighed heavily but finally picked up his spoon. He took the smallest bite ever.

“Not bad,” he mumbled reluctantly. He filled his mouth properly next time. Naruto didn’t know why it felt so much like a victory.

They ate in silence, though it was different than usual. Still a little awkward, but not so tense or charged. He didn’t feel the urge to fill it. This was nice too.

Sasuke didn’t finish his plate, only eating about half of it. It made sense if his stomach was upset so Naruto didn’t say anything. It wasn’t really his place either, now that he thought about it. Why that urge to see the other boy fill up? It was just some form of association – Naruto only turned food away when he was particularly upset or depressed. Or very sick.

Sasuke did the dishes with a scowl, when he understood Naruto intended to just dump it all in the sink and leave it for his future self to deal with. He also swept the counter, the stove and the table, all the time frowning like the crumbs and stains had personally offended him. Soon enough though, the kitchen was as clean as it would be without a bleach intervention, and they found themselves once again at a loss for what to do next.

Well, Naruto knew what he wanted to do. To ask. He just had to work up the guts to say it.

He shook his head. It was Sasuke. Naruto wasn’t afraid of him. He didn’t even care what he would say.

“D’you wanna stay?" he grumbled in a low voice without making eye contact. It took Sasuke a stupidly long amount of time to answer.

“…Alright.”

Naruto hadn’t put the futon or the clothes away. They went through the motion same as the previous night. Naruto fell asleep easily, to Sasuke’s breathing and the smell of curry.

Chapter Text

He woke up alone, again. Somehow it was even more disappointing this time around.

The curry had been neatly packed up and stored in the fridge. The futon was folded again, but he couldn’t find the night clothes he had lend to the other boy.

He put some curry in a container for lunch and left for the Academy.

Sasuke was even more withdrawn than usual, if possible. In fact, Naruto had the distinct impression that the boy was going out of his way to keep as much distance between them as possible. Naruto had had half a mind to suggest they shared the curry, since Sasuke had made it after all, but when it became clear Sasuke didn’t want to be approached, he let it go. He ate it cold on the swing, not daring to ask to use the microwave in the teacher’s lounge like some of the kids did, but it was still good.

He didn’t see Sasuke after school that day. The weekend passed, spent roaming the woods around the village and reorganizing his apartment – he liked to do it often, pushing the furniture and moving the plants around, for it made him feel like he had moved to a new place, like things were changing a bit – with no Sasuke in sight.

He slept very poorly.

On Sunday night, despaired at the perspective of yet another few hours of tossing and turning in his bed, he decided to find something else to do, that would hopefully tire him enough that he would fall asleep quickly. He had already trained a lot, and he knew it was a bad idea to try to reach the woods at night. He would be intercepted by a ninja on the way, who was there purely by chance and just happened to get in Naruto’s way. He had stopped questioning it.

His eyes fell on the small pile of smelly clothes sitting in the corner of his bedroom, covered in dirt, dust and blood.

It was as good a distraction as any.

He unearthed his laundry bag from the pile and stuffed his clothes inside before grabbing some detergent and heading for the door.

There were a few laundromats scattered in the nearby streets and Naruto alternated between all of them. Generally speaking, businesses didn’t like having him as a regular, so spacing out his visits was a necessity.

He walked aimlessly for a while, trying to decide which one to visit. He was going more and more often now that he trained regularly and he didn’t want to get banned from any of the closest ones.

That’s what he told himself anyway as he walked further and further away, toward more distant districts.

Like the Uchiha’s. And others too. Not that one in particular.

.

Sasuke wouldn’t go back to Naruto’s place.

He wouldn’t. It was a momentary weakness on his part, a lapse of judgement. He was a shinobi, an Uchiha. He didn’t need the boy’s comfort and presence, he didn’t need anything, or anyone. He could stay in his house like he had said he would and not kill himself from sleep deprivation and starvation. He could endure the silence.

And he would, just, not right now.

He had grabbed the dirty laundry on a whim. He didn’t know where he was going, or if he was going to do anything about it. It was more of an excuse, in case someone wondered why he was out so late.

“Why are ya out so late?”

He ran into Naruto barely three streets away from the entrance to the Uchiha district.

He was immediately on his guard. Even if he had been taking the general direction of Naruto’s place – it was just the district he knew the most, after his own – it felt too great a coincidence to just meet the boy here. For a second he wondered if Naruto was actually looking for him. But then he noticed the bag.

“Same as you I guess,” he answered, grateful to whatever wire in his brains had connected to make him take his laundry with him.

“Oh! We can go together then.”

Naruto seemed to realize how strange an idea it was immediately after voicing it, just like Sasuke. The blond didn’t take it back though.

“Whatever,” Sasuke shrugged. He didn’t know himself if he had agreed or not, but Naruto made the choice for him – he beamed and walked to him, stupidly happy for a kid who was going to wash his clothes.

“Which one did you want to go to?” Naruto asked as they resumed walking.

Sasuke had no idea.

“You choose,” he answered, pretending like he didn’t notice the surprise on Naruto’s face. The boy shrugged, agreeing easily.

“Alright, follow me!”

They walked for a few minutes where Naruto felt the need to explain to Sasuke his very detailed investigation into the laundromat of Konoha. He seemed to have a comprehensive set of criteria to rank them in his book, from opening hours to machine availability, and, something that probably mattered to him the most, how nice the owners were. He had seemingly tried them all. Sasuke had no idea there were that many.

“Say, Sasuke, don’t you have a washing machine at home?”

He tensed, even if there was no teasing or prying in Naruto’s tone, just open curiosity.

“It’s broken,” he said curtly.

The truth was, Sasuke couldn’t figure out how it worked. There were dozens of buttons and at least four different product stashed in the cupboard above it. After shrinking half of his clothes and ruining the colors of the other half, he was reluctant to try again.

He was also running out of clothes. Hence the trip, that was maybe even going to be successful after all.

After a few more turns – and a lot more laundromat stats and facts – they stepped into a tacky, brightly lit room stuck between a now-closed bakery and a flower shop. It was lined with four washing machines on one side, uncomfortable looking benches on the other. In the back, a teenager looking bored out of his mind was skimming through a dubious magazine. He didn’t raise his head when they greeted him.

“On weekends, it’s the boss’s son that mind the place,” Naruto whispered with an air of conspiracy while loading one of the machines. “As long as you don’t… I dunno, pee on the floor of something, he won’t do anything at all.”

Sasuke wondered if Naruto realized it wasn’t as great a piece of information as he thought. Not for people other than himself. He had to though. Had to know Sasuke wasn’t worried about bringing the ire of any passerby on himself for no reason, even if he had his own reasons for wanting to escape their attention.

Troubled, Sasuke focused on putting his own clothes in the next machine.

“Did you bring any laundry?” Naruto asked. His own machine was all set up and already turning.

“I ran out,” Sasuke lied, embarrassed. Naruto handed him his own packet wordlessly, with just a smile.

Sasuke often wondered if his face hurt at the end of the day from smiling so much.

“Thanks.”

He tried to ignore Naruto’s eyes on him as he opened the compartment on top of the machine. There were instructions tapped on the wall in front of him, but they weren’t very clear. It didn’t say how much he was supposed to put. He didn’t even know what he had in hand.

“The detergent goes here. See? That logo, that’s what it means. This one is for softeners but I never have any. It’s super expensive and I don’t even know what’s it supposed to do…”

Naruto was pointing at the various compartment. Sasuke saw red.

“I don’t need your help,” he snapped, pushing him away. Naruto looked so confused, at a loss as to what had set Sasuke off, and for some reasons it angered him even more.

“Alright. Sorry,” he said with a pout. He didn’t sound sorry at all, and he didn’t look away as Sasuke went back to the task at hand.

“It’s one spoon for a full machine,” Naruto whispered after a while. Sasuke almost crushed the packet in his hand.

“Why don’t you do it if you know so well?”

“I don’t need to! I do know how to do it!”

Sasuke wanted to scream. To rage and hit something, break something. But it wouldn’t change the fact that Naruto did indeed know, and Sasuke didn’t. He felt so bad, needing the help of that stupid blond. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw that the teenager had raised his head just barely in their direction.

Sasuke wanted to be done with the whole thing.

He dutifully put one spoon where Naruto told him too, tuning out his rambling about the various amount needed depending on what he was washing and how dirty it was. Naruto then explained him quickly what all the buttons were for. He was obviously proud he got to teach Sasuke something, even if he actually only knew about half of those settings’ meaning. They chose a temperature and program, and despite his frustration, Sasuke felt weirdly proud hitting the start button.

.

The waiting was the worst part. During the day Naruto would go play at the arcades nearby or try to find something to snack on, but he was warier at night. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes, what were just ugly looks and harsh whispers during the day could turn much more physical in the cover of darkness.

Better stay there. He also wasn’t keen on his clothes disappearing mysteriously as soon as he had his back turned.

Naruto settled on the bench, glad he would at least have some company for once, even if Sasuke was quiet and boring. The other boy didn’t follow though.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to find something to eat.”

Naruto tried to hide his disappointment but figured it was only fair. He didn’t want to spend that much time with the other boy either. What would they even talk about.

“Alright! I’ll watch over our stuff.”

“Hm.”

Sasuke didn’t add anything but didn’t move either. Naruto rose an eyebrow, puzzled. Sasuke was hesitating. Did he not know where to buy food in the neighborhood?

“You can…”

“Do you want anything?”

Naruto’s suggestion died in his throat as he pieced out what Sasuke had just said. He answered without thinking.

“It’s fine, I don’t have any money.”

He had scurried out some leftovers to feed the washing machine, but that left him with barely enough for an onigiri. Sasuke didn’t seem to like that answer. He huffed, annoyed, and turned away without another word. Naruto stuck his tongue at him. This boy had to be the most frustrating person ever. No matter what Naruto said or did, it always angered him and Naruto was unable to understand why. What was it this time? It wasn’t his fault if he was short on money at the end of the month. He had gulped down a cup of ramen earlier tonight – the curry was long gone, despite his effort to make it last as long as possible. He would have lied if he said he wasn’t still hungry, but that wasn’t what Sasuke had asked anyway. And it was none of his business.

Cursing after the Uchiha boy helped him pass some time, but soon enough he found himself bored out of his mind and with nothing to do. He often saw people read at the laundromat, an activity he had no interest in. Books made him sleepy and frustrated, magazines were too complicated, and mangas were too expensive – he had already read the few he had a million time. Reading was a hassle anyway. He was slow and there were many words and signs he didn’t know – it really wasn’t worth the effort when he couldn’t even get half of it.

He was left with daydreaming and promptly lost himself in a fantasy story where he rescued a kidnapped princess from a foreign kingdom and was hailed as a hero for his deeds. He had hundreds of variations of this scenario in his head, where the point was always the same – he was recognized, accepted, and loved.

He was jerked out of his dream world just when Sasuke recognized Naruto was better than him by two women entering the laundromat.

Naruto sunk down on the bench and hunched his shoulders, now regretting the absence of a book or something that would have hidden him from view. It was an automated response at this point. If they didn’t see him…

He rarely had such luck.

He could almost feel it, when people recognized him. He could feel the change in the air, hear how they suddenly got quieter, could picture the look they exchanged. He tried to tune them out, but it always proved difficult, because they didn’t bother being discreet.

Why would they? They didn’t care about hurting him. On the contrary.

A look at their machines told him they only had a few more minutes to go. But he couldn’t leave as long as Sasuke wasn’t back.

“Why do we always have to run into him? It creeps me out…”

“I know. He could at least make himself scarce.”

“Well it’s not like he knows that…”

“Oï, idiot!”

Naruto jumped and nearly tumbled down the bench. Sasuke was standing between the women and him, scowl firmly in place. Naruto forgot all about those old hags to focus on Sasuke, since at least he could talk back to him.

“What did you call me you…”

He was cut by a plastic bag hitting him square in the face.

“What…”

“I bought too much,” was all Sasuke said before going to check on their beeping machines. Puzzled, Naruto pulled out a warm container from the bag.

It contained six gyozas, still fuming.

Naruto raised an incredulous gaze at Sasuke who was busy taking his clothes out and turning his back on him. Naruto looked back down at the food. How many did he buy that he had six extra ones? He knew Sasuke didn’t eat much but.

“I’m not taking care of your things!” Sasuke exclaimed from the other side of the room. Naruto scrambled to his feet to empty the washing machine, stuffing his laundry bag haphazardly. They exited the shop quickly after that. Naruto didn’t miss the dirty look Sasuke cast at the two women.

“We have to hang these out quickly,” Naruto said, wrinkling his nose at the memories of forgotten wet laundry and their moldy smell.

“Right,” Sasuke agreed lowly. And turned away.

“Oh, you…”

Naruto shut his mouth, but not quick enough that Sasuke hadn’t heard the words pouring out on their own accord. He studied Naruto carefully, waiting for him to go on. Naruto swallowed hard.

“You… huh, you could…”

He couldn’t ask. It didn’t make sense before and it still didn’t now. He couldn’t just ask.

“My place is closer!”

Sasuke raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“So what?”

“Well it’s… it’s better to hang the clothes as fast as possible. Or they wrinkle. And smell. And so…”

He trailed off, feeling the heat rising on his face and already berating himself for opening his mouth at all. Sasuke wasn’t going to stand for this much longer. Sooner or later, he was going to wake up and realize that this wasn’t something they were supposed to be doing, that was supposed to happen. They weren’t friends. Naruto didn’t have any friend. Sasuke hated him. Like everyone else.

It was too hard to try to go against that.

But since Sasuke was just a bastard like that, he shrugged without a care in a world, let out a lame “okay”, and walked back to pass Naruto and take the direction of his home. He even had the nerve to drop a “are you coming or what” a few steps down, since Naruto was still rooted in place. He scrambled after him and almost snapped back, but the box of gyozas was still warm in his hand, and he just let it go.

.

There were all those things he had to do now, even if he didn’t want to. Cook, then wash the dishes, clean up the kitchen. Clean up the house, again and again. Do the laundry. Hang the laundry.

His idiot classmates, how could they not think about it? But then again, he hadn’t really either, before. As he had never spared a thought to the fact that Naruto did that all the time. As children, when they heard living alone, they heard “living free”, and not “living like an adult”.

It wasn’t the act of hanging out laundry that he hated. He had done it before, to help out his mother, when she asked.

The thing was that he had to do it. He had to because no one else would. He had to, time after time, forever.

Except this time, it wasn’t so bad.

The logistic was hell. Naruto’s place was very small and they had to get creative in order to hang it all and still be able to walk the apartment. They fought a healthy amount over the best solution but overhaul it was… not so bad.

“These are yours,” Sasuke said, pulling out a faded shirt and shorts out of his pile.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks. You could have just left ‘em y’know.”

Sasuke had been sneaking out of Naruto's place and had given in to the thought of having a valid excuse to come back when he'd grabbed those. He looked away.

“Just be grateful.”

Instead of retorting, Naruto only chuckled.

Afterward they laid on the floor to catch their breath, surrounded by humid shirts and underwear, and what should have been awkward wasn’t. Naruto munched on his gyozas in silence, studiously avoiding looking at Sasuke.

It was nothing anyway. Just a spur of the moment. It didn’t mean anything special.

“What now?” Naruto asked after too short a while, unable that he was to stay still and quiet more than one minute straight. Sasuke huffed, annoyed.

“What what?” he said petulantly, even if he knew what Naruto was asking. He just didn’t want to answer. Naruto was stubborn though, and intent on saying things out loud instead of leaving them unsaid.

“You wanna stay?”

It felt too blunt, compared to the dancing around the issue they had done up until then, but Naruto wasn’t one for subtlety. He asked for what he wanted, regardless of his meager chances of getting it. It would have been kind or admirable, that straightforwardness and tenacity, if it wasn’t so annoying and often pointless, almost sadly so.

Sasuke would have rather just hang around the place until they simply went to bed and didn’t discuss it ever. Instead, he had to actually voice it, and it grated on his nerves.

“What? What did you say? I didn’t get it!”

Sasuke grunted, his temper rising.

“I said “yes” alright?”

Not voicing it also meant Naruto couldn’t really say no.

“Great!”

Voicing it meant never doubting about Naruto’s opinion on the matter. Was he even capable of lying? He would make the worst spy ever.

“And you have your own clothes this time!”

Sasuke grimaced. Was it a jab at the fact that Sasuke had more or less stole Naruto’s pajamas, even if he intended on returning them? Or at his disappearance in the previous morning so that he could go back home to change (and avoid Naruto)?

Sasuke looked at the other boy, smiling like Sasuke’s clothes at the ready was the greatest possible thing, and he decided that Naruto couldn’t hide meanings behind his words. Too stupid.

Too genuine.

The futon was where Sasuke had left it last, despite sitting useless two nights in a row, and that was annoying, because he didn't like Naruto just assuming that Sasuke would come back.

“I was hoping you’d be back.”

Sasuke blinked at him, caught off guard by the other boy answering his internal interrogations. He was scratching the back of his head, faintly red on the face.

He would make the worst spy.

Sasuke wondered if maybe that could be a good thing.

Chapter Text

Naruto woke up to the smell of food.

He enjoyed it for the whole of five seconds before his sleepy mind managed to remind him that it wasn’t normal at all. Even if he couldn’t fathom why anyone would break into his flat to cook breakfast, he still jumped out of bed and raced to the kitchen, determined to tell them off, whoever they were, and not accounting at all into the fact that it could potentially be a dangerous situation.

It wasn’t, anyway, because his mind had somehow forgotten the rather crucial detail that Sasuke had slept there the previous night. But Naruto hadn’t been nursing any hope that the other boy would still be here came morning, so he could be excused for his confusion.

He could.

“You’re still here,” Naruto said by way of greetings, and regretted it immediately after. He had the feeling that Sasuke didn’t like when that kind of things was stated. It was stupid, because he was here indeed, saying it or not didn’t change a thing. But if Sasuke wanted to tell himself that this wasn’t really happening or something, good for him. Naruto didn’t care, because he was here anyway.

Still, if he wanted it to continue, he had to be mindful of that. And he did want it to continue. He didn’t know why and hadn’t really thought about it. He just did.

Sasuke didn’t acknowledge him – it was just like him to manage to get pissed off so early in the morning – so Naruto bypassed him to go to the bathroom. He was curious and eager about the food but resolved to stay quiet on the matter and let Sasuke do his things. The more he managed to make himself scarce, the more he could lure Sasuke into thinking that this wasn’t about sharing a space with Naruto of all people. If they worked hard on it, they could convince Sasuke that he was even alone in there, and then he wouldn’t feel the urge to leave.

Yeah, that was a great plan. Naruto just had to keep his distance. He could do that.

“Wow, is that all for breakfast?”

Okay, maybe he needed some time to adjust.

But he couldn’t be blamed really. Sasuke had made a lot of stuff – rice again, miso soup, some grilled fish. It looked like lunch, except Naruto hadn’t slept that late, and they needed to leave for the Academy soon.

“What do you think it is,” Sasuke deadpanned, sitting at the table and starting to eat like he was alone. There was a spot set up for Naruto though, with chopsticks and all. Naruto sat down, still a bit awed and confused.

“Do you always eat all that in the morning?”

“…Usually. It’s basic. What do you eat for breakfast?”

Naruto focused on his food so he didn’t have to answer. He wasn’t even able to cook a proper dinner, he certainly didn’t make anything that advanced for breakfast either. He ate what he could down on the go, store-bought melon pans or onigiris.

It wasn’t particularly shameful. It’s just, the way Sasuke had said “basic”, it sounded a lot like he meant “normal”. Usual, traditional, obvious.

"Don't you know what breakfast is?" Sasuke pressed on, and the usual note of clean-cut arrogance was there in his voice, the one he had when he made fun of Naruto for not knowing simple theoretical facts or practical exercises.

Naruto almost confessed that this was the first breakfast he shared with anyone in his life ever, but he caught himself in the last moment. Sasuke didn’t need more ammunition to make fun of him.

“No.”

“How?”

“Well, I don’t know! How do you know?”

Naruto gasped, trying to swallow back the words, but it was too late. It was a stupid comeback, he meant it as a jab, but he had brought up the rift between them and each of their scars in one sentence. Sasuke’s expression turned stormy, split between anger and other things that Naruto couldn’t decipher, because he couldn’t recognize any other emotions on that face. The other boy jumped to his feet – Naruto followed, half expecting to have to dodge a punch to the face. Sasuke seemed to consider it, but instead he turned back, grabbed his shoes and stormed off the apartment, slamming the door so hard that the potted plant on the shelf nearby wiggled dangerously.

Naruto found himself alone in the silent flat, still surrounded by hanging clothes, half of which weren’t his own.

That week was off to a great start.

He had time either to water the plant or to fold the clothes. He chose the plants, both because it was more important, and because maybe Sasuke would want to take care of his clothes himself when he came back. He could very well get angry with Naruto for folding them wrong or something. Better not risk it.

Except Sasuke didn’t come back.

He was vindictive and even quieter than usual the whole day, in between kicking Naruto’s ass during training, and disappeared as soon as class was dismissed.

The next day was the same. And the next. On the third day Naruto gave up and took care of the clothes himself, putting them in a neat pile on the futon that was still taking up space in his bedroom. Sasuke would have to come get them eventually, right? Naruto was in possession of more than a half of his wardrobe – he couldn’t have that many spare ones lying around.

But Naruto also had the feeling that Sasuke could be a stubborn bastard if he wanted. Would he go as far as buy new things? He was kind of rich wasn’t he?

Could he be that mad? The thought came, unbinding, as he watched Sasuke’s figure disappear again just as Iruka freed them for the day. Naruto shouldn’t have said that but… was that it then? Had he driven the other boy away already, if they’d even got closer at all? He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. He should know better by now.

It was just like everybody said. Naruto couldn’t have friends. No one wanted to hang out with him. Not Sasuke of all people, and not anyone else either.

He felt the awful burn of tears starting to build up behind his eyes, and sped up toward the exit. He had to go home as fast as he could. He couldn’t cry out there in the open, what if someone saw?

He rushed all the way to his flat. The dam burst as soon as he closed the door safely behind his back, shielding him from the world and its prying eyes.

He cried quietly, as he always did. No sound, no sob, just a constant stream of tears pouring out of his eyes and flooding his face. Just ugly hiccups and a snotty nose, and his hands damp with how they uselessly tried to contain the flow. He resolved to pack up all the clothes and to bring them to Sasuke the next day. He would give them back, and they could both move on and forget all about this. It would be fine. It wasn’t that bad.

.

Naruto intercepted him on his way to the Academy to shove a bag full of his clothes in his arm without a word or a look and promptly ran away.

Sasuke stood like an idiot in the middle of the street with the bag in arms, hesitating between shame and indignation. He had been meaning to go back, he had. He felt bad for storming off – after burning with anger for a few hours. But he was going to go back.

No need now.

Maybe Naruto didn’t actually want him to come back. Maybe he was mad enough at Sasuke for disappearing and avoiding him like the plague. Sasuke couldn’t really blame him, but he had panicked. If felt rude to just go knock at the blonde’s door like nothing had happened, but it felt also rude to not go at all and leave his stuff clutter the small apartment.

Naruto had had enough and had delivered the clothes himself, and Sasuke didn’t have a reason to go back now.

So he wouldn’t. It wasn’t that bad.

.

It was stupid of him not to say anything. He had found himself tongue-tied in front of the Uchiha, and now it felt like they were back to square one.

What Naruto desperately needed was advice. Did he need to apologize? Could he just invite Sasuke over, or was it a bad idea?

He needed advice, but there weren’t that many people he could get it from. In fact, there were two, and for some reasons going to the Sandaime to ask how he could befriend Sasuke again didn’t seem like a good idea either.

That left only Iruka-sensei.

The thing was, Iruka was nice to him – nicer than everyone else at least, and that meant a lot, to him. But Naruto had no idea to what extent exactly. He was as wary as angering Iruka-sensei as he was Sasuke, maybe even more, and walking up to him to demand advice out of the blue would surely do that.

Naruto had a much better plan, and that plan was called “detention”.

“Naruto, stop squirming and focus on your punishment if you don’t want to spend the night here.”

Iruka sounded stern, annoyed, but not as angry as he could have been, considering Naruto had been the one to start the fight that had send both him and Yuzu to the infirmary. The worst thing was, it wasn’t what he had planned to get some time alone with Iruka. He wanted to set up one of his famous pranks – they had the added and non-negligible bonus of making the class laugh at the teacher’s expanse – but Yuzu just had to make a stupid comment about Naruto eating lunch alone because he didn’t have any friend. And it was the truth, and he had heard it a thousand time, but somehow it hurt more today. Maybe because Sasuke was sitting just a few feet away and he hadn’t even raised his head from his lunchbox. And that hurt.

The other boy had gotten detention too – it was nice that Iruka wouldn’t lay all the blame at Naruto’s feet, but it also meant Naruto had to lag on the lines he had to copy, so that Yuzu would leave the teacher’s lounge where they were completing their punishment while Iruka graded some paper. Granted, Naruto didn’t have to fake it much – writing was easier than reading for him, but only marginally. He had been scolded more than once for his sloppy handwriting and awful grammar and phrasing. Another thing to add to the long list of his flaws.

“Iruka-sensei, can I ask you something?”

The man looked up from the test he was busy covering in red and cast a quick look at Naruto’s paper. Apparently satisfied that he had darkened it enough, he nodded.

“What is it?”

“I was wondering if you knew… How to make up with a friend.”

Fortunately, Iruka didn’t ask what friend, or worse, what friend, since Naruto wasn’t supposed to have any. He thought a little about his answer and Naruto was relieved that he was going to answer it seriously instead of waving him off.

“I guess it depends. Why are you fighting? Did you do or say something, did they? Or are you both at fault?”

Naruto thought hard about it. It was a tougher question than it should have been.

"I'm not sure. I think it was something I said… But it's not like he told me."

“Hm hm. So it could be something else entirely. It could even have nothing to do with you.”

“What?”

“How do you know you’re fighting?”

“Well… we don’t hang out anymore, and he won’t talk to me.”

“Have you tried talking to him?”

Naruto opened his mouth to say yes but stopped himself. Had he? It’s not like he could approach Sasuke at school, out there in the open. And he hadn’t chase after him either.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“How do you know? Maybe he thinks you don’t want to talk to him.”

Naruto scoffed. That was absurd. As if Naruto could reject him. Besides, why would Sasuke care about what he wanted?

“This is going to sound very lame to you Naruto, and you’ll probably hear that advice many times throughout your life, but you can’t actually know what’s in people’s head.”

“What? Yes you can. We studied that the other day in class. About intelligence and stuff.”

Iruka looked dumbfounded, maybe because he didn’t think Naruto listened to anything in class. He did though. Or at least, he listened to Iruka’s class.

“Huh, yes, but interrogation and psychological pressuring technics are… not to be used on friends.”

“Oh. Okay”

“What I mean is, no matter what you think you know about your friend and what is going through their mind, you can’t actually know, unless you ask. To make up with someone, you have to talk about it. Apologize if you need to, or forgive, and then see how you can avoid it from happening in the future.”

“But what if he gets even more mad? What if he’s really avoiding me because he doesn't want to be friends anymore? What if I ruined everything? I could make things even worse!”

“Naruto… did you do something terrible to this friend?”

Well, it wasn’t terrible. He didn’t think so anyway. But how could he know?

Besides, he didn’t need to do bad things for people to turn their back on him.

“I… guess not?”

"Then you will be fine. And if he really doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore, he should tell you. You should still talk about it. Even if it’s hard and scary, even if it hurt.”

“Why?”

It seemed better to do it Sasuke’s way and ignore it until it went away.

“You’ll feel better after. I promise. And you’ll regret it if you don’t. You’ll always wonder what if, what could have happened if only you had done it. If only you had been brave enough.”

Naruto’s ears twitched at that. He was no coward, he wasn’t scared. Well, he was a bit, but it didn’t mean he would back out.

“A’right. I’ll do that, if you think it’s best.”

“I do.”

Iruka smiled softly, like he was happy about Naruto agreeing with him, or even proud. Naruto beamed back, feeling better for some reasons. Nothing was solved, but at least he knew what he had to do – if Iruka said it, it had to be true. Beside… He didn’t look annoyed about having to answer Naruto’s questions. He had done it willingly, and Naruto had understood. And Iruka was smiling now.

It was nice.

“Okay, I think we’re done for the night, don’t you think?”

Naruto looked at his half-finished page and nodded vigorously. If Iruka was willing to let him off the hook like that, he wasn’t about to protest. He scrambled off his chair, but the teacher called after him before he could race out of the room.

“Naruto! Next time you need advice, or answers, or if you just need to talk… You don’t need to get detention. You can come to me anytime. I’ll listen, alright? So don’t be scared to ask.”

Naruto stared at Iruka in bewilderment, feeling his cheeks heat up with pleasure and embarrassment. Iruka looked a bit ill at ease too. They brought a hand up at the same time to scratch at the back of their head, and the synchronicity made them laugh.

“I… I will then. Thank you, Iruka-sensei,” Naruto stammered, absurdly flustered.

“You’re welcome. Off you go now, and don’t go to bed too late!”

Naruto nodded and ran off, feeling lighter than he had in days. Cornering Sasuke at school was bound to end in disaster, what with all the prying eyes and wandering ears, but he could try and catch the other boy on his way home after class. And they would talk about things. That sounded like a great plan. He could totally do that.

He hurried home while rehearsing various speeches and things to say. Maybe he’d have to take notes. Distracted, he opened the front door without even fishing his key out.

“I’m home everyone!” he called to the plants as he always did. “How was your day? Mine was…”

He didn’t know what came first – the realization that he had, indeed, opened his door without his key, or the realization that Sasuke was sitting at his kitchen table. His brain helpfully linked the two.

“How did you get in,” he said, too dumbstruck to make it a proper question.

“It was unlocked.”

“No it wasn’t.”

"Well it was after I picked the lock", Sasuke admitted, looking sideways with a faint, barely visible blush. Sighing in annoyance, Naruto grabbed the spare key hanging on a nail near the front door – he’d never find anyone to entrust it to – and tossed it at the other boy. Sasuke was so out of it he almost missed it.

“Here. Please don’t pick the lock again.”

Sasuke’s eyes jumped from Naruto to the key in his hand, like there was some great mystery here to be solved. Naruto’s attempt at looking casual and relaxed failed miserably as he rocked on the heels on his foot, hands buried deep in his pocket and eyes darting around the room, as he took the full measure of what he had just offered.

“I thought… I thought you didn’t want me to come here anymore,” Sasuke said after a while.

“What? Why?”

"You brought me my clothes back! I thought it meant you didn't want me to pick them up."

“You didn’t! I thought you’d never come back, I wasn’t going to keep them!”

Naruto was starting to see what Iruka meant with that talking thing.

“I… was missing a shirt,” Sasuke said after a while. “I figured maybe it was still here.”

Would Sasuke be angry to learn that Naruto had kept it on purpose, betting on that exact scenario? Sasuke didn’t like to meet expectations, but it seemed like he’d hoped himself, that it was indeed an intentional move on Naruto’s part. Oh, this was way too convoluted for him.

“I wanted to have an excuse. So that you’d come back maybe.”

It was embarrassing to admit it, but it was easier that way. When things were said, no doubt remained. Or well, they weren’t supposed to. They still managed to cling on somehow. It was very annoying.

"I did want it. For you to come back here. I still do. I want… I wish…"

The problem was that Sasuke treated words like they were projectile weapons thrown at him. He either tried to dodge, block, or throw them back, and that made it a bit hard to talk about things. Or even to be heard.

Naruto didn’t want him to get angry and leave again.

“I don’t like people mocking me because I don’t know stuff,” Naruto added. Sasuke threw him a confused look.

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like this talking thing. But I asked Iruka-sensei and he said we had to if we wanted to make up. He’s a teacher so he’s right about that sort of things. Also he’s nice so he wouldn’t lie. So… I don’t like that. I know it’s stupid that I didn’t know about the breakfast thing but… Yeah. I don’t like being made fun of. It’s not cool.”

There was an awkward pause where Naruto thought Sasuke would pick up what he was supposed to do next, but he didn’t. So Naruto had to spell it out for him.

“I think you should… say. Something.”

For the longest time, Sasuke just stared at his hands. He got up and Naruto thought he was going to leave, never to be seen again, but he just stood awkwardly near the table, eyes glued to his feet now. He looked up to the door, to the sink, even to the light hanging on the ceiling, everywhere expect Naruto’s face.

“You’re right,” he finally dropped after an eternity. Naruto was starting to zone out a bit. He blinked back into the moment.

“’Bout what?”

“The talking. I don’t like it but… my… my… mom. She said that too. That you need to talk to people if you want to understand them, and for them to understand you. That you can’t just guess away.”

It was the first time Naruto had heard Sasuke reference his family in any way. It looked like pulling a tooth, but Sasuke stayed resolved even as his voice broke a little.

“Alright. So does that mean you want to… huh… stay? Stay here? Sometimes?”

There, he had said it. That was the real question. The Big Thing.

“How… how many is sometimes?” Sasuke asked, more insecure than Naruto had ever seen from him.

"How many as you want," he said in a rush, overeager, taking a few steps toward the other boy. "I mean it."

“Even if it’s all the time?”

It was said with defiance, like a challenge or an insult, and yet Sasuke couldn’t meet his eyes for the whole of two seconds before his cheek heated up and he looked away again. The anger was back on his face. Naruto thought he recognized the one Sasuke aimed at himself, the one that meant he was unhappy about what he had just let slip past his lips.

“Even then,” Naruto said with as much conviction as he could muster. How could he make Sasuke understand how okay he was with it? That it was, right about now, the single thing he wanted the most in the entire world? Because it was, it really was. He had always hated the loneliness and the silent, always longed for someone to fill the void surrounding him, but it was wishful thinking that didn’t have any form or substance. Now though, he knew what it really was, to have a living person asleep next to him, to share the meals and the most boring tasks, how it made them bearable suddenly, enjoyable even. He never wanted to go without it. Even if it was with Sasuke.

Or maybe specifically because it was Sasuke. Who needed it just as bad. Who Naruto felt closer to than anyone else. Who Naruto liked, despite everything.

“We’ll see about that,” Sasuke said grumpily.

“Okay! Are you staying the night then?”

Sasuke glared at him – that was more familiar territory and Naruto was kind of glad to go back to it, even if once again it was unclear what Sasuke was displeased about this time.

“If it’s okay with you,” Sasuke mumbled. Naruto beamed, not even bothering to answer.

Chapter Text

He’d say that to be provocative – even if he was quickly learning it was useless, with how earnest Naruto was – but he couldn’t actually spend all his time at the blonde’s place. They would get sick of each other he was sure, Naruto would want to kick him out at one point or another. And it was absurd anyway. Sasuke had his own place to live, his own life to lead, his own objectives to work toward, and he couldn’t upend it all just because Naruto’s bedroom was the only place so far since the Night where he’d gotten some quality sleep, or any sleep at all.

That being said, practicality dictated that Sasuke brought some of his stuff over to Naruto’s, since even if he was only spending about half of his free time there, he couldn’t keep borrowing the other boy’s clothes. They didn’t fit him anyway, were in a deplorable state, and were all horrendous colors. It was only logical, really.

Sasuke made good use of his key mostly to bring things in while Naruto was out. It would have been too embarrassing to do it in front of the blonde, especially because Sasuke knew he would get that awed expression, he would smile hard enough to break his face, and Sasuke couldn’t handle that most of the time.

He was oddly touched that Naruto respected that. Sasuke came in one day with a small bag filled with clothes and found out one of the shelves had been cleared in the cupboard in Naruto’s bedroom, but the blonde didn’t mention anything.

The flat was a bit cramped for two. None of them ever made any mention of it. Sasuke’s house, with its many rooms and its big garden, was more of a prison that this tiny place would ever be. As time passed, he began to go there less and less, and the less he went, the less he wanted to go. The stillness and silence, which had been somewhat manageable before, he couldn’t stand them now compared to the liveliness of Naruto’s place. It’s not like there was anyone to call him out on it, to judge him.

No one cared, not about him, and he was starting to realize, not about Naruto either.

So he emptied his room, piece by piece and careful not to dwell too much on it.

“Always forward,” Naruto said.

It was absurd how much he liked to live in Naruto’s space, to bump into him at every turn, to hear him no matter where he was in the apartment. Even on the rare occasions when Sasuke was in and Naruto wasn’t, it was hard to feel alone with Naruto’s presence bleeding in every object, every wall, and with his small army of potted plants, of which the blonde took care with great skills and devotion. There was also the district, buzzing with activity around the building, which was soothing when he thought it would drive him nuts. Sasuke liked to sit on the small balcony, legs dangling between the bars, and watch the people go by, the trees rustle gently in the wind.

Alive and living. Stranger to his pain.

Their first real fight came about three weeks in. He would have bet on sooner.

“I told you I didn’t need your money!”

Sasuke threw his arm in the air, fed up with this whole discussion they were having for the millionth time, at least. He wasn’t always accompanying Naruto to do grocery shopping, but when he did it always ended up the same way. By them arguing about who would pay.

Sasuke didn’t get it. Naruto was tight on money, like, real tight. Even tighter now that Sasuke shared most of his dinners. Sasuke made a point to bring by as much food as he could from his own pantry or his own grocery shopping, but the baseline resources were still from Naruto’s own trips. Sasuke had the money, Naruto didn’t, and they shared anyway, so Sasuke really didn’t get how this was an issue every. Damn. Time.

“Just for this once would you just shut up and take it? I told you I wanted to pay!”

“And I told you I didn’t want you to!”

“Why? We live together!”

Naruto opened his mouth, but his voice stayed stuck inside his throat. His eyes were shining, welling up. Sasuke knew what was coming next.

It was their turn at the cash register and they had drawn enough attention as it was, even if they had kept a low tone, so Sasuke slapped a few bills on the counter and bagged their items as fast as he could while Naruto started sniffling in his sleeves. He always did, when he was overwhelmed, and he hated crying in front of people. And Sasuke hated when he cried and he hated also when he swallowed back tears because he didn’t want people to see.

The first time, he’d cry in front of one of his plants, dead despite all his cares, and he’d look so horrified that Sasuke had seen, that he would mock him or use it against him, and Sasuke had had to put into proper words how he didn’t care that Naruto was a crybaby and that it would stay between them. Seeing how cheerful Naruto was all the time, Sasuke would have never guessed Naruto was such a crier, but he supposed it was actually linked somehow.

After all, Naruto was pretty miserable, generally speaking.

He grabbed the blonde’s hand and expulsed the both of them from the shop and into the flat. Closing the door always allowed them both to breathe easier. The outside world was trying, but this was their sanctuary.

“Tell me what is wrong,” Sasuke said in his best stern voice, trying to emulate his mother. He could never lie to her like he could to his father. She gave him the urge to confess, every time.

Sasuke stared at Naruto hard, waiting for the other boy’s resolve to break and for him to start spilling. He would. He wasn’t good at keeping things inside.

True to himself, when he opened his mouth this time, there was no stopping the flow.

“I don’t want to owe you. I’ll be in your debt if you pay and then you’ll ask me to pay you back and I won’t be able to. Also I don’t want to change everything and get used to it ‘cause then you’ll be gone and I’ll have to go back. Also I don’t want you to stay ‘cause you think I need it, and I don’t want you to think I want you to stay ‘cause I need it. Also the old man always told me that it was bad that I couldn’t manage the money on my own and if I need yours too that means he was right and I’m too stupid to budget. Also I don’t get why you’d want to share ‘cause people are supposed not to want to spend their money ever so I find it weird and suspicious. And also you said… you said we live together but you never… You never said that. You’re… you’re like a guest. Guest don’t pay for stuff. And also…”

He frowned, thinking.

“I guess that’s all.”

Alright. That was a lot. Sasuke had blurted it out like a moron. “We live together”. Like it was that obvious, ha. He racked his brain for a proper answer, hating that they were now in for another talking session.

“…I didn’t say but I… I’m here all the time. We share the food, we share the chores. I don’t care about spending it, I have plenty, and it’s normal that I’d pitch in, alright? Even if I was just a guest, if I’m around that much, it’s just very rude not to help. I’m…”

Sasuke had never felt this before. This feeling that words had to be said, that there was no way around them. That they could heal or hurt, that they would be decisive to their entire future. He had to say it to Naruto. That he was staying. That he was indeed living here for all intent and purposes, even if he wanted to deny it, even if he refused to acknowledge it.

It was enough for him to know and not say it. But it wasn’t for Naruto. Naruto didn’t know.

If Sasuke didn’t tell, he never would.

He knew he was panicking. He couldn’t help but wrung his hands together, twisting his fingers painfully. He had thought about this over and over but he had been going in circles, without ever coming to a conclusion about anything. The simple fact that he craved this was layered by levels upon levels of objections, arguments, self-recrimination, pride and anger, trying to beat into him how this was not possible, this was not how things were supposed to be.

He should have been able to resist the temptation. He had things to do, objectives to reach, goals to accomplish, and this would not help.

But there was one thing that weighed in, in front of all that.

It wasn’t just for him.

Naruto looked happier, when Sasuke was around.

That was just a fact, and Naruto had spelled it out too. Sasuke didn’t get why it mattered so much, but it did. If he backed out now, if he put an end to this, he would be miserable for sure, but Naruto would be too. And that, for some reasons, was unacceptable.

He wouldn’t be the reason for Naruto’s pain. He wouldn’t.

“I… I…”

He could do this. It was just words.

“I…”

Oh no, he couldn’t. How could he chase after this? What was the point? To feel less alone? To be happy? It wasn’t possible and he had no right to it.

How could he be happy here, when all his family was gone?

Besides, he had no idea to know how long this would last. Would that be wrenched away too?

Would he come back to the flat one day to find Naruto soaked in his own blood, lifeless and eternally still, while above him towered a well-known silhouette that couldn’t be who he thought it was, and yet…

Sasuke’s breathe was punched out of him and that’s when the panic truly settled in.

“Sasuke? Sasuke!”

Nowhere was safe, not for Naruto and not for himself. Living alone had the undeniable advantage that there was no one left to lose, no one left to bring him that kind of pain when they inevitably died. He’d spare Naruto that pain too, if his brother ever decided to come back finish the job. 

Now that the image has come, unbidden, to his mind, he couldn’t unsee it – blood, death, despair. His parents in the middle of the training room, the doors of which were still sealed and would likely remain so forever.

Sasuke had to get out of here. It was a terrible idea. The moment he settled in, the moment he felt like things could get better, like he could get through this, it would all be ripped away. He couldn’t risk it. He wouldn’t be able to handle it this time.

He wasn’t even handling it for the previous time anyway.

All the doctors and the nurses at the hospital and even the Hokage had told him he needed to talk about what had happened, that he needed to get help. There was no way he’d be able to do that. Talk about it? To say what? To walk them through the Night, explain it to them? He could barely comprehend it himself.

He needed to get out of here. It was his first instinct every time. Run away and hide alone, and maybe he’d finally disappear, maybe it would all stop.

Except there was something holding him back. Not something, someone. Arms around his shoulders, warmth, blonde hair in his face. A voice in his ears.

“Don’t run. Please, don’t run. It’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be fine. Calm down okay? It’s fine. It doesn’t matter, forget about it. Forget about it. It’s gonna be fine.”

But it wasn’t. It wasn’t fine, nothing was, and Naruto wasn’t either and Sasuke knew this, and Naruto wouldn’t handle Sasuke’s disappearance any better than Sasuke would his, Naruto was a liar because he smiled all the time and he was always sad and it was all so unfair. Why did it have to be so hard. What had they done, the both of them, to deserve this.

“It’s fine Sasuke. It doesn’t matter, if you don’t want to.”

“But I do.”

The raspy, broken voice that tore itself out of Sasuke’s throat startled the both of them. Naruto drew back a little, enough to settle on his knees in front of Sasuke, who had slid down to the cold floor, his legs giving out under him.

“I do want to,” he said again. “I don’t… want to… want to. But I do.”

Naruto nodded seriously like this made any sense at all.

“I’m just…”

He could say it. He had come this far, what was one more confession?

“I’m scared,” he said in a breathless exhale. He half expected the world to come crashing around him from the sheer magnitude of that revelation. He couldn’t believe he had managed to say it out loud.

Naruto didn’t ask “scared of what?”. Maybe he could sense there was no way Sasuke would be able to articulate it. Instead he nodded again, receiving the words, taking them in.

“It’s alright. Whatever it is that scares you, I’ll protect you from it.”

And Sasuke should have laughed. Really, he should have mocked him, tell him he was wrong, that he couldn’t, because what was the dead last going to do against his brother, against grief, against death itself?

Sasuke didn’t laugh though. Naruto was solemn, not joking in the slightest.

“You don’t have to be scared,” Naruto insisted. “You don’t have to be sad or unhappy either.”

And he wasn’t saying that he didn’t have any reason to. He was saying that it wasn’t his fate. That he could wish for something else.

That he could even get it.

Sasuke had felt miserable staying away from Naruto’s place after the whole laundry debacle. There was a lot of things that made him feel miserable and most of them he had no control over. But some of them, he did. He didn’t have to suffer that much. Not if he knew there was something he could do about it.

He would just have to make sure he could protect it this time. No one would take it from him.

“Don’t be stupid. I’ll protect you.”

.

Sasuke’s breathing was getting back under control, so Naruto’s was too. He’d made a tremendous effort not to panic as well, because he’d figured one of them had to stay calm if they were going to get through this.

The surprise had helped. He had been too busy being shocked to give in to his own panic when he’d seen the colors leave Sasuke’s face as he crumpled to the ground. He didn’t know if he had helped at all, he’d just done the first thing that came to his mind – hugging and reassuring. Sasuke hadn’t complained so he guessed it was alright.

He would have to remember that for next time, although he dearly hoped he would never see Sasuke in that state again.

Maybe he would though. Because Sasuke was staying.

Naruto couldn’t not smile at that.

“Alright,” he said, getting back to his feet, eager to lift that dreadful mood. “Let’s eat.”

.

“We’re going to need rules,” Sasuke declared once they had made quick work of two cups of instant noodles. He had to admit, it wasn’t nearly as bad as he had expected, even if compared to Ichiraku, it was vastly disappointing. But they were too tired to get into making proper dinner. Sasuke felt drained by the day’s events even if hadn’t done much of anything. He never used to be so exhausted Before. Feelings were a nightmare.

“Rules?” Naruto asked around a mouthful of moshi. Sasuke thought he was trying to break the record of how many moshi someone could stuff into their mouth, but no, apparently he always ate them like that.

“Yes, rules, if we’re going to do… this” – Sasuke couldn’t put words on it, it was too scary and irrelevant anyway – “we need to establish rules.”

“Like what?”

“Well first of all, please don’t talk with your mouth full,” Sasuke said with a disgusted face.

Naruto had the good taste to look apologetic as he chewed on the remaining moshi –he had gone through the entire box in one go.

“Right. Okay. Rules. Rules are fine.”

He seemed wholly unconvinced.

“It’s just… to establish boundaries. Sharing a space can be challenging and putting up rules beforehand can help us avoid certain issues.”

“Can you not talking all fancy be a rule?”

Sasuke huffed, offended.

“No!”

“But I didn’t get that!”

“That’s because you’re stupid!”

Sasuke saw Naruto’s expression crumble and oh. Oh, he’d never noticed that. Well he’d never paid attention to it, never cared. But the hurt was there, plain as day, as Naruto frowned and pinched his lips.

“I want a rule that says you don’t say I’m stupid,” he mumbled. Sasuke swallowed a harsh answer. He had to put in an effort too. They both had. They weren’t dumb kids anymore, they had to take care of themselves because no one else would, and so they had to be mature about it.

“Okay. I’m sorry about that.”

The look on Naruto’s face was priceless and a little rewarding. He got his cheers back immediately, and Sasuke decided that yes, that was a good rule.

“Okay, what else?” Naruto asked, excited. Sasuke was starting to be too. This whole thing felt like an adventure, like the hours spent planning a game before actually getting to play it. Oftentimes they didn’t because the rules took too long, but Sasuke didn’t care because it was his favorite part anyway.

He pushed far down the reminder that none of his playmates growing up would ever play with him again. He’d never had many friends outside the clan.

“Do you have something to write on? We should take notes.”

“I swear I knew you were going to say that,” Naruto said with a laugh. He ran to the bedroom and came back with ink, a brush, and a blank scroll. It should have been a little weird how they managed to change mood so fast, how they could shake away the sorrow to go back to easier feelings. Sasuke supposed that’s what happened when you weren't alone with your thoughts, when you had someone to get you out of your own head.

“Alright let’s do this,” Sasuke said determinedly as he wrote “R U L E S” in careful strokes at the beginning of the paper. Naruto looked impressed, Sasuke noticed smugly. He was quite proud of his calligraphy.

“No saying I’m stupid, or dumb, or an idiot, or a burden, or an incompetent fool, or that I’m never going to amount to anything, or never going to learn the simplest stuff, or that I’m a waste of time and space,” Naruto said in a rush, eyeing the paper like he wanted to make sure Sasuke put all of that in. Sasuke was about to protest – he had never said half of those things and would never dream of it. They had their issues but he wasn’t that mean. Expect looking at Naruto’s serious face he could tell he wasn’t talking hypothetical in the slightest.

“I’ll put “no being mean or insulting,” is that okay with you?”

“Okay! And it goes both ways. I'll never say those stuff to you either."

He seemed to find basic decency to be a huge fit and it stirred the anger in Sasuke’s chest for some reasons. These days he didn’t notice much because he was basically angry at everything, but still. This was new.

“Also… no mocking because I don’t know stuff or… or because I… talk to the plants,” Naruto said with a faint blush. So much had happened in a short time, Sasuke had forgotten about that.

“No mocking,” he summarized. “Next up. No talking about my family.”

He focused on his strokes not to meet Naruto’s eyes. Naruto hummed but after a thoughtful pause, he said, “promise. Not as long as you don’t want to.”

Sasuke snorted – he would never want to ever.

“And we take turn to do the dishes.”

“Alright. But let’s do laundry together ‘kay? And shopping too. It’s boring otherwise.”

“Fine. But we only eat instant ramen once a week.”

“What? Why?”

“Because it sucks that’s why!”

“Hey! No saying ramen sucks!”

“Yes saying because it does!”

Naruto took a breath to answer, but instead he let out a wet snort. He tried to keep it in, only for more to follow, until he broke down laughing.

To his complete and utter shock, Sasuke followed.

He had to put the brush down so that he wouldn’t spread ink everywhere as he doubled up laughing. Every time they tried to calm down their eyes would meet and they’d dissolved back into giggling at their stupid faces.

Sasuke didn’t remember the last time he’d actually laugh like that. His cheek hurts and his eyes watered. It felt incredible.

“Okay, twice a week,” Naruto managed to say after several minutes. “But if we go to Ichiraku then no instant ramen for the whole week.”

“Deal,” Sasuke snickered, and made a show of writing it all down.

“Speaking of which. No arguing every time I want to pay for things. We share the cost. Fine by you?”

Naruto pondered it for a while instead of protesting immediately, which was a huge improvement.

“Fine,” he said eventually. “But no buying something for me if I say no.”

Sasuke could already think of ways of bending that one on the base of “I bought too much for myself” and the like, but he dutifully wrote it down.

They got a couple more rules in regarding chores, even if they were both pretty hazy on how and how frequently they were supposed to do certain things. They decided they’d figure it out on the spot – and add as many rules as needed.

“Another thing,” Naruto said as Sasuke was writing down the bit about taking out the trash. “It would be nice if you said beforehand. If you’re going to stay, or leave, if you’re eating here or not. Just so… just so I know.”

Sasuke remembered all too well the bitter disappointment of rushing home to see his brother, only to find out he was gone, not to return until hours later, if at all. His father and brother would always say “I don’t know”, if Sasuke asked whether they would be here for dinner or not. It drove his mother crazy too. And no matter how often it was, he still hoped, and was still sad, every time.

“Okay,” he said solemnly.

They had planned to hang the Rules somewhere, but there were too many of them, so they just rolled the scroll carefully and propped it on the shelf next to the front door, after they had both put on their signature. It felt official like this, settled and real in a way that meant it wouldn’t crumble suddenly in front of their eyes. They had even work the “must talk about things” rule in. This wouldn’t just disappear overnight. It was real.

The futon was still out. Sasuke unrolled it in what he was already thinking as his corner of the bedroom, and he wanted to mock Naruto for his stupid smile that wouldn’t leave his face, but they had said no mocking, and he was smiling too. A little, barely there smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“G’night Sasuke,” Naruto mumbled into his pillow. “’m glad you’re here.”

Sasuke envied Naruto for being able to say such things so easily. To know about his feelings and just speak them out.

Maybe he could learn. If only so that he could give the same reassurance, the same warmth to Naruto that the one his words spread inside him. Determined to start working on it right now, he took a deep breath.

“Me too,” he whispered back.

Naruto was already asleep. Sasuke snorted but promptly followed. It was okay. He would find the courage to say it again.