Archive of Our Own ^beta

He watched him from afar, inside the safety of his bedroom. The blonde across his window was pacing about his room, passing by the little rectangular window again and again. It was a mesmerizing sight to our protagonist, who watched with half-lidded eyes.

It’s six in the evening on a tuesday. It was like any ordinary day, the faint shouting that he can hear from across his window something he was used to. Everything was normal as it usually is.

For the time being, Karkat Vantas sat around his desk, idly watching his friend on the other side, Dave Strider, argue with his girlfriend, Jade Harley, on the phone once again. He knows he’s supposed to be doing his history homework right now, but that was the last thing on his mind right now. At the moment, all Karkat could really think about how stupid this whole situation was.

Jade Harley is your typical happy go lucky girl whose enthusiasm is almost contagious to everyone she made contact with. All except a black haired, grey eyed, teenager. You see, this dark-haired protagonist of ours has a crush on his longtime childhood best friend. And even the perfect glossy black hair, bright emerald eyes, and stunning smile of Harley’s couldn’t get any of Karkat’s affections.

Of course, a simple explanation for this would be the fact that he was gay. Girls were not on his radar.

But sadly, Dave was.

His very much straight friend who makes so many gay jokes you’d think he was one too. But no. He was dating one of the most popular girls around. He was the guy every other guy wanted to be.

He was was cool, good looking, funny, a huge flirt, suave, an extrovert, and amazing at sports (and almost every other thing he puts his mind to) despite his lack of an interest in the activity. He was who every guy wants to be in high school. To Karkat, he was his dream guy.

Not for the reasons above.

The Dave he knew was actually very clumsy, hilariously so, has his own awkward moments (practically only reserved for Karkat’s eyes only), serious about his dreams and his music, with a humour he can easily build a banter with. He knows all of his secrets and wishes, his history and his hardships - he experienced them all alongside him after all. And although he worked hard to keep his image of this cool, untouchable, aloof, person, Karkat loved the guy behind the all the facade, walls of insincerity, and shades.

He loved Dave Strider.

But Dave only ever loved him as a friend.

A particularly loud slam was heard by the ebony haired boy who perked up, snapped out of his reverie from staring at the other side of the window. He watched Dave come into view of the window again, taking a seat at the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Karkat flipped to the back of his notebook and began to write.

Once he was finished, he knocks on his window, loud enough to catch the blonde’s attention, making him look up and meet Karkat’s eyes for a moment. “How’s your phone?” Was the words written on the notebook as he held it up to his window for the other to read.

There was that small, tired smile of his that managed to always get Karkat’s heart beating a bit faster than it’s supposed to. He stood up from his bed and disappeared into the left corner of the window. There was some shuffling, but soon, Strider comes back into view, holding his own notebook and a marker in hand.

He takes his seat back on his bed. “Cracked.” Was all it said on the blonde’s notebook.

“That’s the fourth time this month!” Karkat gave the other boy a deadpanned look, lips pursed into a line and eyebrows slightly weaved together into a frown.

This pulls a laugh from Dave. Karkat could feel his heart stop for a moment, watching with bated breath as the blonde’s smile reached his eyes, crinkling with silent happiness. “I know, I know. Bro wouldn’t mind anyways, we can just get it fixed again.”

“So what?? You’re just going to get it fixed everytime this happens?”

“This won’t happen again, I promise.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “You said that the last four times.”

“Whoops.” The blonde smiled in a way that showed all of his teeth and it’s such an unguarded look for Dave, he realized that his heart was clenching at the sight once again. The ache in his arms to just wrap the other boy in a hug was unbearable, leaving him almost breathless.

“So, what was it about this time?”

“What do you mean?” He screwed up his face into one of confusion. Dave was really good at faking his emotions and controlling how his expression looked to others. He always only showed what he wanted other people to see. But Karkat has learned Strider’s language a long time ago to know that the blonde was trying to act dumb about the entire thing. He sighed and ripped the page, crushing it into a ball before throwing it into the bin beside his desk. He began to write again.

“Don’t ‘what do you mean’ me, Strider. That song’s popularity is long dead.” He lifted his notebook, lingering for a moment to let the other read it. Dave smiled at the end and Karkat takes it as a sign that he’s finished reading. “Tell me what you guys were arguing about this time.”

Dave visibly sighs, looking at his own notebook for a long while. He waited patiently for the other to answer.

“It’s something stupid. You don’t want to hear it.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. And I know you want someone to talk to about it. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Well… Fine.” He wrote. Then, he takes a while to write. “We were supposed to go to the dog park to walk Bec together this afternoon.” He started, giving you time to read out what he’s written. “But I totally forgot about it because I was too caught up in my music at the time. So she called me, which I’m sure you saw,” pause to move to the next page to write some more, “And chewed me out for apparently ‘not caring about her enough to remember’ when I honestly didn’t mean to get so absorbed in my music to forget.”

Karkat grimaced. “Didn’t the two of you already have this same argument not long ago?”

He shared the same sentiment and grimaced as well, letting out another sigh. “Yeah. She doesn’t understand that sometimes, I want to do things that don’t always involve her.”

“She doesn’t really understand your taste in music either, right?”

“Nah. At first, she was totally all over it, but now…” His shoulders seem to slump and the black haired boy could feel anger swell up in his chest. “She thinks I should prioritize her more over my music.” That anger only seemed to grow into a full on bonfire inside the short teenager.

“That’s unfair of her.” He simply wrote and the boy on the other side nodded.

“I know, right? I told her that she was being selfish and said then she brings up past events where I fucked up and had both agreed don’t matter anymore. Apparently, it still does.” He screwed up his face for a moment as he raised up his notebook for Karkat to read.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

There was a lull in the conversation where Karkat didn’t know what else to say. He debated whether or not to ask the question on his mind or not since it might just upset Dave even more. But before he could decide, Dave knocks on his window to catch his attention from looking down on his own notebook in thought.

“I think I’m gonna go to sleep.” He has written, a half smile on his face. It didn’t reach his eyes this time.

“Alright.” Karkat wrote. “Good night and sweet dreams, fuckass.”

“You too, dipshit.” He watched Dave’s bedroom lights shut off and his window curtains close. With a sigh, he throws his notebook back on the desk. He doesn’t know how long he stares at the books on his desk, untouched.

She pats him on the head whilst he buried his whole face in his arms. “Kanayaaaaaa.” He whined and she continued to pat and play with his black strands. “What do I do?”

She sighed dramatically. “I don’t know, Karkat. It’s best if you simply let it run its course and wait until they’re broken up. I don’t want you to be the type to get between people while they’re in a relationship. Those types of people are assholes.” She spoke, her voice having that distinct motherly tone to it. Like it almost always does.

“But I am a fucking asshole?” The dark-haired teenager countered, lifting his head from its hiding spot to glare at the other table with his other friends.

He has plenty of friends, enough to fill two cafeteria tables. At the moment, he’s currently sitting between Kanaya and Sollux, who was resolutely ignoring his whining in favour of chatting with his girlfriend, Aradia. Nepeta, Feferi and Equius were also at the table, chatting away on their own along with Tavros, John and Vriska in their own little section of the table.

“You’re not that type of asshole,” Kanaya said with such conviction, Karkat felt guilt run up his spine for even considering trying schemes to further break up the other two.

He tilted his head to stare at the other table where Dave and the others were. He scowled at the sight of the two of them, a sick feeling pooling in the pit of his stomach. It’s Thursday and after only a full day of avoiding talking to each other, Jade finally cracked and apologized and now, they’re all lovey-dovey once again, with Dave’s arm around the dark-haired girl’s shoulders, as if nothing happened at all.

“How do you know that?” He grumbled, watching the two talk and laugh and chat away despite the growing discomfort he felt all over his body. Kanaya followed his gaze before turning her attention back to Karkat. Then, she frowns.

“Because I know you, Karkat.” She stated simply, shifting in her seat to cover the black haired boy’s view of the two lovebirds. He huffs at this and continued to bury his head in his arms, effectively shutting out the world. “And I know you’d rather beat yourself up about it than really do anyone any harm at all.”

Well… She was right. Even though he considered putting even more tension to their already… Tumultuous relationship, he’s never really gone through with the plans he fantasized about in his head.

“Kanaya, I really hate this.” He groaned, reaching a hand up to ruffle and pull at his hair in frustration. Kanaya slaps his hands away and began to readjust his hair back to its original state. Which wasn’t much, Karkat’s hair was almost always an untamable jet black bird’s nest.

“I know.” She said soothingly, sympathy clear in her voice. “I know. But think about it this way; if their relationship really is as rocky as you see it to be, it won’t be long before you have your chance with him.”

He silently stewed in his own misery. “What if I never had the chance, to begin with?” He muttered to himself, but apparently still audible enough for the lipstick lesbian to hear.

“How would you ever know that if you’ve never tried?” She said as if she read that straight off of an inspirational quote from some hipster wannabe blog on Tumblr. Actually, he’s sure those exact words are plastered on some fancy nature background somewhere on the internet.

He lifted his face enough to face the girl again. “Are you seriously suggesting for me to confess my feelings to him and possibly ruin years of our friendship in one single blow? Even if this does eventually blow over, and he’s single again?”

Kanaya raised an inquisitive, perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “Do you really think he values your friendship so little that he’d end things just because of your crush?”

Another pause. He scowled, because she was right, once again. “No, but-" but what? “he doesn’t even know that I’m into… y’know…”

But the raven-haired boy is surprised when it’s Sollux who finally speaks up. Looks like Aradia left to tag along on a walk around campus with Nepeta, Roxy, Calliope, and Jane. “Okay, real talk, KK, becauthe I’m real tired of your thelf impothed pity party.” He snapped, famous lisp clear in his voice. “I’m honethetly really fucking thurprithed that you have tho little faith in thirder. I mean, I get it, he’th a huge douchebag from time to time, but I’ve perthonally theen the way the two of you interact. I really don’t think he’d give two thitth about whether you’re gay or not. You’re hith betht bro firtht before anything elthe. And I know DV enough to know that he theriouthly careth about hith friendth even behind all the blatant bullthit he throwth around in everyone’th faceth. Hell, he didnt give two thitth when John finally came out of the clothet and tharted dating Tavroth.”

He stared at the other male, very aware of the definite dumbfounded expression he’s currently wearing. He’s honestly kind of speechless at the moment.

Kanaya continues to pat his head affectionately. “Sollux is right, Karkat. Sure, he might not be able to return your feelings, but I doubt he’d let your whole friendship go to shit over something like that. Plus, you never know, he might actually be able to despite your assumptions.”

“It’s not assumptions,” Karkat said definitively. “He’s definitely straight. All he’s ever dated are girls and I’ve never once seen him take an interest in the same gender.”

Kanaya levels him a look. “Maybe you can be the exception.”

Karkat’s heart thrums in his chest at the mere suggestion of the idea. It’s a fantasy he’s played over and over in his mind for years now, that somehow, he’d be different from all the others Dave has dated. That he’d be special, because of everything they’ve ever shared with one another.

But it's an unrealistic fantasy all built upon his most desperate thoughts at two in the morning. He’s learned that life is hard and it especially loves fucking him over.

“There’s no way that can ever happen.” He said simply, the finality of his own words making his gut twist in the most uncomfortable of ways.

“You never know until you try.” Kanaya pressed and Karkat rested his chin on his arms once again, letting the sleeves of his sweater hide the lower half of his face.

Sollux lets out an explosive sigh. “Look, all I can contribute to thith clutherfuck of a converthation ith that confeththing your feelingth to him won’t be the end all, be all of your relationthip with him.” He stands up abruptly. “I jutht really hope you can believe in hope for once and thtop being tho pitiable about thith whole thituation. You’re really not ath hopelethth ath you think you are, KK. You’re really not. Have a little more faith in the thadeth toting aththhole.”

And then, just like that, the lisping boy is off, probably to go find his girlfriend and her friends.

He groaned once again before feeling bad, a sick twisting inside his stomach. All he’s done this lunchtime was whine to Kanaya and get told off by Sollux. He hasn’t even asked about Kanaya’s own day. He felt guilt slowly eat him whole, leaving him tired and numb. He popped his head back out, resting his head sideways in his arms and looked to his second best friend of all time.

“How’s Rose, by the way?” Karkat inquired, smiling lightly when Kanaya’s whole expression seemed to brighten up at the simple mention of the girl’s name. She smiled shyly and began to talk.

It was enough of a distraction to take his mind away from his current dilemma.

“Hey, wait up!” He called him from behind, successfully catching his attention. Karkat couldn’t stop the smile that crept up on his face in time as Dave slowed to a stop in front of him. He was grinning and although he felt happy to finally have some time with his best friend, Karkat tried to school his face into a scowl, his default expression on a daily basis. 

“Dave.” He started, trying to keep his scowl but failing miserably.

“Karkat.” He replied, practically grinning from ear to ear, making Karkat’s heart skip a beat.

“You gonna walk with me?”

“Of course. Can’t let a princess walk home all alone unguarded.” Dave said casually, shrugging his shoulders as the ebony haired male punched his shoulder playfully.

“What princess? You mean you?” He countered, sneering at the other. Dave simply laughed, the sound like music to Karkat’s ears. He swallowed hard and looked away before he can be caught for staring at the other too much.

“Please, I’m the knight in shining armour in this goddamn storybook fairy tale.” He retorted. “Plus, your height is perfect for being the princess. Short and cute.”

Karkat would never admit it, but being called cute by the other made his heart tighten in all the worse ways possible and there was a moment of hesitation in between his next words. “Shut the fuck up.” It was a weak response, he knew it, but it doesn’t matter because Dave laughs anyway and to Karkat, that was enough. “So, it’s been a while since it was just the two of us. How are things with Harley?”

Dave does this little secret smile to himself as he adjusts his shades. “We’re going well. She said she was sorry and that she shouldn’t have blown up the way she did before and I accepted her apology. She promised she’d try just as hard for me as I do for her. Plus, I realized that I was being stupid too, so I apologized to her too.” He explained, and his heart aches at the fondness in his voice as the blonde talked about the circular glasses-wearing girl.

“That’s good.” Was all he managed to say, focusing on keeping his tone from being bitter, like how he wants to be whenever Harley was brought up. Which was stupid since he was the one that brought up the topic in the first place. He guessed he was hoping that Dave’s answer would be different from what he expected, but it’s clear how infatuated he was with the emerald-eyed girl. Even if they’re well out of the honeymoon phase of their relationship. The idea that they might be going seriously despite all of the arguments and their ability to make up even after them makes Karkat sick to his stomach. Harley irritated him the most out of all the girlfriends he’s had in the past. But maybe that was due to the fact that almost all of Dave’s past relationships had been flings, and his relationship with Jade is the longest one he’s had so far. The chance that he might actually lose Dave for good made him feel like gagging. He swallowed down the bile rising to his throat.

Maybe that was the reason why he’s become so bitter about the whole thing lately, much more so than before.

He hated the shameful heat pooling in his stomach, twisting into an unbearable jealousy as the other continued to talk about the girl fondly, about their talks and their plans and activities, and everything else. He kept his gaze focused on the ground as they walked down the halls and out of the school into the courtyard.

Dave only stops when his phone started to ring and Karkat had to pause with him. He watched silently as the blonde talked to none other than Jade herself, over the phone.

Once he was finished, he put on a sympathetic smile for the black haired male whose heart sank to the soles of his shoes. “Sorry- Jade wants me to meet her at the back of the school for something. I gotta go.” He apologized but Karkat forced himself to smile through the pain anyways.

“It’s fine. I know she’s important,” more important than I’ll ever be to you, “so you should go. We can hang out some other time.” He had said it casually enough that he gives himself a mental high five for that little victory.

Dave smiled gratefully at the other before turning on his heel, still holding the phone to his ear as he talked to Harley on his way to meet her.

Karkat watched for a long while. He watched until Dave made a turn and disappeared behind the school. And even then, he stared at where his best friend had gone off to, unable to tear away his gaze.

Kanaya and Rose had noticed our poor protagonist and decided to approach. But Karkat was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t register the two until Kanaya put a hand on his shoulders. She gave a sad smile to him, and Karkat returned the gesture.

Rose patted his back. “I’m sorry for my brother’s behaviour. I’ll try and talk to Jade about monopolizing his attention. I know it’s a little unfair to all of his other friends, especially you since the two of you had been friends for so long now.” She offered, but Karkat simply shook his head.

“It’s fine.” He muttered, turning away and beginning the walk on his lonely road back home. “I’ll be fine.”

He was not fine. 

Every single moment in Dave’s life was dominated by Jade Harley and he was not okay with this. He wants to sit with his best friend for lunch? Nope! Harley’s right there, hanging around with no signs of leaving. He wants to walk to school with his best friend? Not allowed that either because he apparently already made plans for the whole week to get driven around by Harley to and from school! He set up a hang out date with his best friend and surely this time he gets to have some quality ‘bro time’? Apparent-fucking-ly not either because he cancels the plans last minute because Harley is dragging him elsewhere to hang out!

It was irritating because Harley always came in a package with Dave nowadays. He kind of regrets turning down Rose’s offer to talk to Jade about monopolizing Dave’s time that one time. This was getting ridiculous and he just missed Dave and the talks they would have. The ridiculous jokes, the implausible dreams and scenarios they would dream up of, and laughing their asses off at the stupidest, littlest of all things.

Even his window chat times with Dave has been invaded by the black haired girl. He had been chatting with the blonde when there comes a knock on his bedroom door and Harley comes barging her way in, a surprise visit for Dave.

He remembered his heart sinking for the billionth time when the girl immediately launched herself at his best friend in a heated kiss before being pulled off by Dave himself. He smiled sheepishly at you and writes “sorry” in his notebook before pulling his curtains closed.

The thoughts on what they could be doing behind those curtains, just a few meters’ walk away from him made sleep practically impossible for Karkat.

The next instance of Harley utterly invading every corner of Dave’s life without the blonde’s notice or protest happens during biology class where Jade makes a point of hogging Dave’s time that’s supposed to be spent on doing their lab experiment by flirting.

Karkat has reached his limit at that point. “Why don’t the two of you just get a surgery to be conjoined at the hips together since apparently, Harley here would die the second she’s away from her ‘Davey’.” He had spit out the insult out of nowhere, catching both parties’ attention. He instantly regretted it but rolled his eyes anyway and decided to own it instead of half-assing it. Might as well embrace his assholeish ways.

Jade frowned and pushed herself off of Dave’s desk that she’s been leaning on to cross her arms in a disapproving manner.

“What’s your problem, Karkat? Don’t think I’m so stupid that I don’t notice you glaring at me every chance you get.” She countered, fixing you a glare of her own. Like he’d be intimidated by that.

Dave simply sat by, his own arms crossed. He looked like he was interested in what Karkat has got to say to interject just yet.

“The only thing missing to complete my thoughts on you having a single brain cell in that empty head of yours is if you were blonde. Oh wait, you being blonde would be an insult to Rose, who’s actually smart and has half a brain not to mack on her girlfriend during class time when we’re supposed to be doing actual school work!” He is absolutely owning being an asshole right now. These are things he’d been vehemently keeping down for ages now but it’s all coming up bubbling to the surface like an ugly pimple on the nose.

She looked shocked and at a loss for words at what he had said, and for a moment, Karkat basks in his ability to offend the girl but one glance at Dave, all of his smugness comes crashing down all around him.

Everyone’s eyes were on them now and just his luck! The teacher was out of the classroom! Maybe that was for the best. He’d be sent to the principal’s office as soon as he’d uttered those words in the first place.

“What is your actual problem, Karkat? Are you jealous? Seriously ?” The girl even had the gall to look amused at her own apparent sudden realization of your true feelings. “Because just so you know, that’s really stupid because Dave’s-”

“Don’t you fucking finish that sentence Harley. I’m fucking warning you right now.” Now it’s the girl’s turn to smile like she’s got the upper hand. Which… She sort of does.

“He’s not-”

Before Harley could finish her words, Karkat had literally stood up from his seat and slapped the girl from across the table. Dave looks utterly shocked before he stands up and moved to Jade’s side who simply kept her face sideways from the blow, looking completely floored by the sudden assault.

And all of Karkat’s insides felt like it was just stabbed multiple times when Dave fixed a glare to him, one of actual hatred. He’s seen all of Dave’s facial expressions before and he knows each one well and he hates this look on his face. “What the fucking hell, Karkat?” His voice, so monotonous and lacking any emotion behind them made those feelings even worse.

“What happened here?” The teacher comes around to your desks, concerned. Thank fuck! Your luck just couldn’t get any worse, could it? Because life just loves fucking over Karkat Vantas’ life endlessly!

He saw Jade smile for a split second before turning to the teacher, a hand on her reddening cheek, with a look of hurt. “He slapped me!” She accused and even the teacher fixed a stern, disapproving glare at Karkat. He could feel his stomach drop to his feet, feeling his throat dry up and close off, feel his own tears threatening to spill.

“I didn’t mean to-!”

“Mister Vantas. Office, now.” The teacher commanded and he gave up trying to explain himself. Adults tend to have this idea that anything that comes out of a teenager’s mouth is ‘talking back’ when they’ve made up their mind that the teen was guilty.

This was the worst day ever.

And it continued to be the worst day ever. Getting home, he was immediately assaulted by his father, asking questions about why he had apparently hit a girl and how that was not how he raised his son. He had gone on to explain what happened but left out the part about why he had done and said those things in the first place, citing simply that the girl annoyed him, which was close to truth enough to the dark haired teen. 

Still, his father was not so forgiving and grounded him, making sure to take away all of his devices. Karkat was miserable.

Even more so at the sight of the closed curtain across his bedroom window.

He resigned himself to his bed and thought about the events of today. He could remember the hateful look on Dave’s face and he could feel that same dread descend upon his entire being. One that made his shoulders shake and warm clear tears streak across his face.

He curled up into a fetal position on his bed, holding himself, arms wrapped around trembling shoulders as he thought about all the ways he fucked up. He hated crying, but he couldn’t help it this time, they ran down his face in streams, seemingly unending. His breath came in short successions, and soon enough, it became hard to breathe altogether as he spiralled further and further into self-loathing.

And this time, Dave wasn’t around to calm him down like the last time he had cried this hard.

They were five and six respectively. He was older than Dave by a year and relished in the fact that he was taller than the other boy. The two boys often got themselves into all sorts of trouble and this day was no exception.

The dark haired boy had gotten the bright idea to climb a tree that late afternoon, just after they were let out of school. The two always walked home together, an inseparable pair.

“Come climb up with me! The view up here is amazing! I wonder if all the adults see the world this way. I feel fucking powerful being up here.” Karkat had called out to his friend who stood idly around at the bottom of the tree, his expressionless facade breaking to show his indecision to join his friend up the old tree in their school’s playground.

Both were in no hurry to get home just yet.

“Uh, I don’t think it’s very safe to be climbing up there, Karkat. You should come down before a teacher sees us and scolds us for climbing.” He had responded to Karkat’s calls almost timidly. Even then, Karkat’s heart swelled at the endearing nature of his friend. But it would be years before he could put a name to those feelings.

He had rolled his eyes at the time. “Oh come fucking on! I thought the great and mighty knight Strider wasn’t afraid of any challenge that crosses his path!” He had taunted, grinning from ear to ear. “Wait, don’t tell me, are you afraid of heights, Dave?”

Karkat had laughed but the silent response of Dave only confirmed his accusations, despite the blank expression on the boy’s face. The blonde was afraid of heights. Karkat laughed even louder.

He really didn’t think he’d ever find something Dave would ever be afraid of. They constantly had contests, who can eat the grossest thing they can imagine, who can run faster than the other, who can sneak down at five in the morning to grab extra chips from the pantry during sleepovers without getting caught. And of course, there was always a prize at the end.

Most of the time, Karkat lost. Dave had literally put a fucking worm in his mouth; sure he didn’t eat it, but the sheer ballsy move was enough for Karkat to agree that Dave won that round. Dave had been faster than him too, having practiced strifing with his Bro that required him to be fast. Dave was the one to sneak downstairs to grab them extra chips because Karkat couldn’t do it on his own as he was afraid of the dark during that age. Especially over at the Strider’s, where lil Cal could be lurking anywhere around the house, ready to send Karkat screaming all the way back to Dave’s room.

He relished the fact that he finally had something to lord over Strider’s head.

“Stop laughing! I’m serious, we might get in trouble if you stay up there any longer!” Dave protested, but Karkat simply waved a dismissive hand. At this age, Dave was adverse to swearing, but Karkat already had a sailor’s mouth, even back then. He guessed he was just born with it.

“Since when was the great Dave Strider afraid of getting caught? Remember that time I dared you to put gum in Vriska’s hair? You got caught but I’m definitely sure you had a shit eating grin on your face as you got personally walked to the principal’s office by the teacher!” He continued to taunt the blonde who stared in determined defiance at his friend up on the tree.

“I said I don’t wanna. Just come down from there, I wanna go home now.” Dave had said with a pout, crossing his arms. He climbed down half way from his current perch on the tree and offered his hand out to Strider.

“I promise I’ll help you up and I won’t let you fall.” He said, genuine smile turning into a wicked smirk. “Princess.”

Dave was about to protest further, something about never calling him princess ever again when the dark-haired boy began to lose his balance on his perch on the weak branch.

Karkat fell to the grassy floor beneath with a loud thwump. The blonde had put his shades up on his head at the time and stared in horror for a moment at his fallen friend before rushing to his side, immediately looking to see if any damage was done to the ebony haired boy.

Much as he tried, Karkat ended up crying that day. He bawled his eyes out, shoulders shaking, sobs being croaked from his mouth. Dave wasn’t sure if Karkat had sustained a concussion or not but the bruising purple around the other boy’s ankle was enough to tell him that Karkat had sustained a sprained ankle, at most.

That day, Dave had carried the older one back home by giving him a piggyback ride to avoid having Karkat walk and injure himself further.

“You’re fat and heavy,” Dave complained.

“You’re short and skinny.” Karkat had retorted, albeit with little spite in his voice as he was still sniffling from crying so much. “You’re a fucking stupid twig, Strider.”

“But I’m your ‘fucking stupid twig’.” Karkat smiled, hearing the smirk in Dave’s voice.

And on they went home, bantering like the two idiots that they were.

He was fourteen and his best friend was thirteen. He was now shorter by a few centimetres than his best friend and he loathed it every time it was brought to attention. This is the story of when Karkat Vantas first fell in love with Dave Strider. 

It was a typical Tuesday night, one of the rare occasions where Karkat had actually finished his homework before midnight and had enough time to walk over to his best friend’s home and hang out with him. Bro had easily let him in, as he had practically become a second guardian to Karkat.

The two were reminiscing about their childhood when Karkat brings up the old memory when he had sprained his ankle after falling down from a tree. The dark haired male smiled slyly over at his best friend. “You still scared of heights, Strider?”

The blonde had scoffed from his current position in front of his turntables, pausing his activities and putting down his headset to return the sly smirk that was thrown his way. “I’m not your prissy little princess anymore, Vantas. Of course, I’m not scared of heights anymore. I’ve grown. In more ways than one.” He was shadeless that night, finding no reason to hide his expressions, or eyes, from the person who’s seen all of him before already. And using that to his advantage, the blonde had waggled his eyebrows suggestively, all for the sake of his joke.

“Ugh, you’re fucking disgusting, Dave.” Karkat had complained, grabbing a pillow from the bed he’s currently chilling in to throw it at the blonde, who ducks gracefully out of the way of the assaulting bag of fluff. Although he felt the fluttery feelings inside his chest at Dave’s insinuation, he didn’t know what to call these feelings yet.

“You love me either way.” He taunted in a sing-song voice, unaware of the way Karkat’s heart beats faster than normal at the words. Another toss of a pillow, this time though, Dave caught it and threw it back, landing perfectly on Karkat’s face.

“Oh my god, Dave. I’m gonna make you regret every word that comes out of your mouth right now.” The ebony haired teen had whined, pulling the pillow away from his face and sitting up on the bed.

“Really now? How you gonna do that, Kitkat?” Karkat bristled at the nickname, putting a hand on his face and dragging it down in an attempt to hide the growing flush that travelled from his neck up to his cheeks and all the way to his ears at the teasing nickname. He acted like he hated them, but in truth, he loved the way those words fell out of Dave’s mouth.

“If you’re not afraid of heights anymore, I dare you to go out the window with me and lay down on your roof.” He dared the other, smirking smugly once he’s gotten a hold of himself again.

Dave seemed hesitant at first, before putting on determined expression. “Deal.” He said, standing up from the office chair and made a beeline for the window.

“Fuck yes,” Karkat mumbled victoriously under his breath, slipping out from the blonde’s bed to follow him out as he opened his window and took the protective screen off, laying it down on his bedroom’s carpeted floor.

“Ladies first.” Dave did a little bow before gesturing to the opened window, a smirk playing on his lips. “ Ow. ” He groaned when Karkat slapped him in the upside for hinting at the fact that he was a ‘lady’.

“To save you some dignity, not like you have any left in my eyes, by the way, I’ll go first to catch you when you eventually come out there and almost kill yourself because you were too busy freaking the fuck out about heights that you totally forget to balance yourself,” Karkat stated in a matter-of-factly tone as he lifted his legs up and pulled himself out the window.

He carefully eased himself into the tiles of the roof, making sure that he’s got a good balance before letting go of the window ledge to walk over to a fairly flat surface of the rooftop. He slowly sat himself down, back leaning against the slow downward incline before looking over to the window and watching as Dave mirrored his moves, taking a seat beside Karkat.

Dave seemed fidgety, taking cursory glances downwards constantly and Karkat laughed. “You filthy fucking liar. Being high up still makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t it?”

The red-eyed blonde shifted his attention from his position on the roof to glare at the other. “Shut the fuck up. I’m totally chill right now. The chillest person right now. Shit’s so chill it’s colder than Antarctica. Shit’s so fucking cold it could stop global warming right here, right now.”

Karkat simply rolled his eyes at his best friend’s rambles and grabbed his hand. Dave raised a questioning eyebrow at the other but the dark haired teen simply raised his arm to point at the sky. “Instead of focusing so much on trying not to fall, because you won’t, just relax and do some star gazing.”

Dave was quiet for a while, but did as instructed and stopped moving so much from his spot in favour of staring at the night sky. Neither really knew much about constellations or astronomy, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t admire the stars nonetheless.

“This is so gay.” Dave piped up after a while, but when Karkat glanced over at his friend, he found that the blonde had an unguarded smile on his face. Karkat’s chest was filled with warmth and he was all too keenly aware of the hand in his own all of a sudden.

“Shut the hell up, Strider.” He decided to say, glad that the blonde’s eyes didn’t wander over to him. His whole face was on fire and he was focusing so hard on having his hand not to sweat because that would just make things all awkward and disgusting.

And he did. Shut up, for a while.

Just the two of them, staring at the fortunately cloudless night sky, listening to crickets hum and chirp in the distance.

“One day,” Dave started, catching Karkat’s attention once more. He turned to give him his full attention while the other continued to stare up at the sky. “I’m gonna get out of here and book a ticket to Los Angeles.”

Karkat hummed in response. “I know. You keep telling me that you’ll be ‘the raddest fucking DJ in all the states. All of them’.”

Dave chuckled and turned his head to stare back at the dark-haired teenager. “You’re coming with me, right?” He inquired so casually like this was something he’d always assumed. The other was caught off guard by the question since it’s the first time he was added into the equation.

“What?” He said dumbly, staring wide-eyed at the blonde. Dave simply chuckled, bringing his other arm up to rest on his forehead. “You want me to come with you?”

“Yeah, man. I mean, you’re my best friend in the whole fucking world. Hell, we used to take hella naked baths together when we were three. Pretty sure that solidifies our bro-ship enough.” He rambled on before stopping, frowning slightly. “Unless of course, you don’t want to, which is totally chill and okay, by the way. You can have your own plans and dreams to pursue, but I’d be hella sad. But it’d be okay. As long as you’re happy and shit. Y’know?”

It’s Karkat’s turn to frown. He shifted to scoot closer to the other male, until their shoulders are just barely brushing together, hands still clasped around each other. He turned his attention back to the sky as he spoke. “I mean. I haven’t really thought as far ahead as you as to what I’d like to do for the future. I guess it’d be okay if I tagged along with you and shit. I’m sure I can find something to do in Los Angeles.”

Karkat was surprised when Dave intertwines their fingers together. He was even more surprised when his heart ached in the most frustrating way. “Hell yeah, man. We’re gonna make this happen.” The blonde murmured quietly, his grin widening just a fraction more. “We can get an apartment together and be hella chill roommates.”

“I’d be a terrible roommate, honestly.” He simply stated, opting to ignore the tangling of his intestines on the inside. “I can’t cook for shit. Probably burn the apartment down at some point. Then we’d be really royally screwed and be in a lot of debt on top of all the student loans we’re definitely gonna have. We’d probably end up on the streets somewhere like gross hobos. Yeah, I’d be a real shitty roommate. You sure you still want me around, Strider?”

Dave simply laughed at his rambling. “Pretty sure I’d do the exact same thing, dude. It’s chill, we can share a cardboard box together and huddle for warmth when it rains and shit.”

Karkat turned to look at Dave once again, suddenly acutely aware of his features. The glitter in his red eyes as it reflected the bright stars above them. The smoothness of his skin so much so that it’s almost unfair to all the pubescent teenagers out there. His fair hair that shined almost silver under the moon’s dim glow. His long lashes that cast shadows along his cheeks as he blinked. His lips, slightly chapped but he was sure would feel soft nonetheless.

Karkat swallowed thickly, looking away. “Yeah.” He muttered. “I’ll follow wherever you decide to go.”

That Tuesday night was when he realized it.

He was deeply in love with his best friend.

Karkat did not go to school the following day.

He had told his father that his stomach was acting up and that he doesn’t think he can go to school. His father, being the way he is and the fact that Karkat almost has a perfect attendance, let him stay home for the day.

So, all day, he moped around his room and felt bad about himself. With his laptop confiscated, he couldn’t watch his usual romcoms. So instead, he drowned himself in his romance novels, all of which he’s already read multiple times before. He’s been meaning to go to the library or the bookstore lately, but just hadn’t found the time. It didn’t help him at all though, as he read about couples and their flourishing love lives he wished he had. The ache always intensified at every romantic scene, making his problems so painfully clear in his head. He’s always had a penchant for torturing himself.

His mind always crawled back to sweeping blonde hair, red behind opaque black, and knowing smirks.

That was what he did for a solid eight hours. Cocooned in his bed with the lights off and only using the light from the lamp on his bedside cabinet. He didn’t plan on getting up any time soon. He might not even get up tomorrow morning and continue faking a stomach ache just so he can avoid facing what he knows he will have to face sooner rather than later.

That is until he hears little clinks against his window.

His heart lurched inside his chest. He knew what that meant.

He planned on ignoring the hell out of it though, but the noises were insistent enough to the point that he couldn’t focus on his novel anymore, reading the same line over and over again. With a growl, he finally tossed his book off to the side, just beside his lamp, and got up on his feet.

Blanket still wrapped around his shoulders, he begrudgingly pulled his curtains open and stared at the blonde douchebag across his window. The other had opened his window to throw rocks at Karkat’s window in order to catch his attention.

The blonde in question pulled his shades off at the sight of the dark-haired male and hooked them on the neck of his shirt. He reached downwards, out of view from Karkat’s perspective, and pulled out a notebook.

With a tired sigh, Karkat did the same, shuffling over to his desk to grab a spare notebook before sitting himself down on his desk chair. He waited for the blonde to finish writing.

“You okay?” He asked bold letters made by a sharpie on the notebook. Karkat scowled, making his answer already known. So, the blonde went back to writing again, revising his words. “What happened to you?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Take a wild fucking guess.”

Dave sighed dramatically, making sure that Karkat saw it. “It’s about Jade, right?”

Again, with the eyeroll. “Obviously.”

“Alright then.” He wrote. “What exactly is your problem with her?”

“Take another wild fucking guess.”

Dave huffed, writing in his notebook for a while. Karkat watched as the blonde continually ripped off the sheet of paper and throw it behind him only to write on the page again before repeating the process. Finally, “Karkat, tell me what’s wrong.” Pause. “You’re not usually this hostile.”

Karkat bit his lip, feeling guilt creep up his neck and down his spine. He stared at his own notebook, wondering how exactly to answer Dave’s questions.

“I don’t like Jade.” He decided to write instead, looking away as he held up his notebook. He was afraid to see the other’s expression.

“Why?” Was the simple response from Dave. He didn’t look mad or anything, simply confused.

“She keeps hogging you.” He wrote his next words, hesitant to let the other know of his true feelings. “You don’t spend time with me anymore. Or anyone else.”

Realization seemed to dawn the blonde’s features. “Oh.” Was all he said for a long while as each of them avoided eye contact with one another. “Well, she’s my girlfriend, of course, she’d want to spend time with me.”

Karkat’s features darkened, bitterness winning out of his guilt.

“Does that mean she gets to have all of your time, leaving none for the rest of us?” Pause to write on another sheet of paper. “The two of you aren’t even that compatible with each other.”

“Karkat…” Dave sighed once again, writing on his paper, but Karkat beat him to it.

“No. Stop. Let me finish.” Karkat held up the notebook, going to the lengths of even pointing at it as if Dave needed guidance to see it. “First of all, she doesn’t like your music and wants you to choose her over it. Which I don’t fucking like because I know how much your music means to you. You shouldn’t be given an ultimatum on something like that. Second of all, you fight like every other day about little things like your humour which she doesn’t get sometimes and apparently deems as inappropriate. Or when so much as miss a call from her or don’t text back immediately, always accusing you of ‘not caring enough’. And for fuck’s sake, she keeps making you feel guilty over everything because she’s apparently always right. And you believe it. Thirdly, she’s easily jealous, even to Rose who’s your fucking cousin. I don’t think she’s good to you, Dave. She’s restricting you too much.”

Dave simply sat, shell-shocked with wide eyes by what Karkat had written. He was quick to write back. “She’s not like that, Karkat.”

“What the ever loving fuck do you mean, Strider?” He frowned, crossing his arms after showing his words.

“I’m the one that keeps fucking things up. She’s right about most of those things, my jokes are too offensive or inappropriate and it’s only right for me to give her attention when she wants it. She said something about my turntables not going anywhere but she might. I was angry at first, but then I realized how right she was. I’ve got to get my priorities straight, my music can wait-”

It was clear that he had something more to say but Karkat stops him. “Stop, stop. Are you fucking telling me she threatened to break up with you? When?”

Dave bit his lip, clearly uncomfortable about the topic. “Last Tuesday, when I forgot about our date.”

Karkat was absolutely furious now. “That’s unfair to you, Dave! Don’t you see it? She can’t take advantage of you like that!”

Dave visibly huffed. “She’s not as bad as you’re making her out to be! Why are you so hung up on this??”

The dark haired teen has had enough of this. He stood up, letting his blanket fall off his shoulders. He slammed his notebook on his desk before marching up to his window and opening it. Dave warily stood up himself and approached his already opened window.

Because I love you. “Because I fucking miss you, you big fucking piece of maggot festering shitstain!”

Dave stood there, mouth slightly agape because he honestly did not expect that. Karkat was the type to bottle up his feelings until he bursts, just like this. He should’ve seen it coming, but with Jade taking up most of his time and attention, he had completely overlooked Karkat’s terrible state. Honestly, he should’ve seen this coming.

“I fucking miss you, okay? I miss talking to you, I miss your dumbass winded rambling about the stupidest shit ever, I miss your stupid jokes, hell, I even miss your stupid fucking nicknames.” He paused, realizing tears were welling up in his eyes. But once he’s started, he couldn’t stop the words from flowing out of his mouth. And his tears followed suit. “I fucking miss eating lunch with you and the way you’d stupidly stick fries up your nose like a dumbass just to cheer me up when I’m down because of the pressures of our classes. I miss going out for coffee every other Sunday and making fun of the hipsters at Starbucks. I miss you joining me to the library or bookstore and making fun of the covers on every book I pick up. I miss watching movies with you on my couch when we should be sleeping. And yes, that even your shitty action films. I miss our stupid games, like how you’d terribly describe one of my romcoms and I’d have to guess which fucking movie you’re talking about and it turns out that you’re a filthy fucking cheater and you’re actually talking about a film I’ve never even watched. I miss sitting outside on your roof and just staring at the sky and talking about everything that’s bothering us like angsty teenagers in a terrible fanfiction. I miss our times together. I just. I fucking miss you. ”

The blonde continued to stare, red eyes wide as saucers at the heartfelt word vomit. Once his thoughts finally caught up to him though, he began shuffling around his room. “Wait there. I’m coming over.” Dave simply stated, before rushing out of his bedroom door.

Karkat simply continued to cry, wiping furiously at his eyes, trying to get his sobbing to stop, but it was futile.

Soon enough though, he heard the doorbell ring. He heard his father tell him that he was in his bedroom. Heard the fast, deliberate footsteps up the stairs. And then, finally, his door was thrown wide open.

Dave was panting slightly, still in what Karkat assumed was the clothes he wore to school. In a flash, Karkat was wrapped up in the blonde’s arms, holding him tightly. The contact simply made the teen cry even harder, hands clinging to the other’s shirt tightly.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The blonde had muttered repeatedly, rubbing soothing circles around Karkat’s back. The two of them stayed like that for who knows how long until Karkat finally calmed down.

Even then though, they simply migrated to Karkat’s bed, where he shamelessly snuggled up to his best friend after Dave had asked if he could stay the night.

They stayed tangled up together, talking until one of them fell asleep and the other soon followed in suit.

He could hear shouting from the other side of his window once again. It was Saturday on an afternoon and for once in his life, Karkat was doing his homework instead of putting it off until Sunday night. 

The two were fighting again.

But soon enough, they finally finish their argument when it goes silent in Dave’s bedroom. Karkat peaked out his window from his desk who Dave immediately notices. The blonde gave a half-hearted wave, lips curled up into a sheepish grin. Karkat waved back.

He was about to go back to his math equations when Dave suddenly takes out his notebook, keeping Karkat’s attention on him.

“Wanna hang out today?” He asked, and Karkat’s heart did a backflip. He grinned widely and nodded.

Then, he frowned. He reached for his own notebook. “What about Harley?”

Dave shrugged. “It’s fine. I sorted things out. Plus, it’s about time we had a proper bro outing again. Wanna go to Starbucks and make fun of hipsters writing shitty fanfiction about gay men while sipping frappuccinos?”

“Hell fucking yeah.”

The two had been laughing their asses off after getting kicked out of Starbucks for public disturbance when they had tripped a particularly assholeish, snobby hipster and sent his coffee flying to another innocent customer. Well, maybe not they. It was mostly Dave doing the mischief. 

They were still laughing on their way home when Dave had to stop abruptly, his phone ringing inside the pocket of his jeans. Karkat was doubled over in the sidewalk, clutching his stomach as he tried to get his breathing under control while Dave picked up the call.

“Hello?” Dave said, trying to get the laughter out of his voice but failed miserably. But his eye reaching smile quickly disappeared which got Karkat easily worried about who was on the other side of the phone. But he already had a pretty good guess on who it is.

“Yeah, I’m with Karkat.” He replied, voice slipping back into one of blankness.

There was a long pause of silence. Then, “what?” Dave had said rather dumbly. There was another stretch of silence in which Karkat took as the other person talking lengthily.

Dave’s stone cold expression was unnerving Karkat.

And then, suddenly, Dave pulled the phone from his ear and dropped the call without ever replying to whatever the person had said. His expression stayed blank. Karkat swallowed thickly.

“You okay?” He questioned, hesitantly putting a hand on his best friend’s shoulder. Thankfully, the blonde didn’t shrug him off and seemed to lean into it instead.

“Yeah,” Dave mumbled, staring at the crack in the concrete sidewalk. He casually shoved his hands into his jean pockets, trying to look nonchalant. “It was Jade.”

Karkat’s chest swelled at the thought of what had just gone down before guilt ate him whole for even being happy about it when his best friend was clearly not okay with it. Dave tended to shut down his own emotions when upset, completely disregarding them and denying anything he might’ve felt, acting like everything was okay and ‘chill’.

“What did she say?” Karkat had asked anyway, already anticipating the answer.

“She broke up with me.” There it was. Karkat’s insides twisted in that anxious way it does and a swinging pendulum began to move, trying to decide how he should feel about this sudden occurrence.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could muster, feeling numb and empty on the inside instead, unable to be fully happy at his best friend’s sudden change of relationship status, or guilty about being happy about it in the first place.

Dave easily recovered from his state of utter shutdown and smiled over at the dark haired male. “S’fine. Wanna go over to my house and watch some movies? I’ll even suffer through your shitty romantic comedies.”

Karkat frowned at that, keeping a firm hand on Dave’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?” He offered.

But Dave had shrugged him off, continuing to ramble instead. “I can even go through a marathon loop of Titanic for you right now dude. Anything’s open to consideration right now, I’m feeling adventurous. In terms of movie selection, I mean. We could even pop some wicked popcorn. I think there’s even leftover cake in the fridge right now, a present from Jake, made of course by the one and only super talented Jane, to my bro for his-”

Karkat cuts him off, pulling on his shoulder to get the blonde to face him when he had started to walk the path back to their homes. “Dave, I know you need to talk about this. I’m here for you.”

Dave continued to shrug off Karkat’s hand on his shoulder and turned around to glare at the dark haired teen. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” He insisted.

“Dave, please. You can’t shut down like this again-”

“I can do what I fucking want, Karkat!” He snapped, taking a step forward while the other took a step back instinctively.

The blonde, realizing what he had done, backed down, retreating in on himself, arms crossed in a way that made him look smaller than he actually is. He ducked his head, looking away from Karkat, unable to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Karkat stood there for a moment, caught a little off guard by the sudden outburst. Then, he moved forward to wrap his arms loosely around his best friend. “It’s okay.” He assured, patting his back. Dave easily let go and snaked his arms around the other.

They stood like that for a little while. Karkat relished the contact. Rarely did the two of them ever get touchy, much less in this way, since it was ‘ gay as hell ’. This only ever happened when either of them really needed the physical evidence of someone caring.

“Let’s talk about it back in my bedroom, okay?” Dave finally sighed. Karkat nodded, and let go but before his hand can fully fall beside his body, Dave caught his wrist and casually held his hand.

Karkat’s breath got caught in his throat for a moment, making him make a wheezing noise. Dave laughed.

Do you know the things you do to me? He thought absent-mindedly. Why do you do things like this? It’s torture.

They walked home, hand in hand.

They made it back to the Strider’s place in less than ten minutes. Karkat had greeted Dave’s Bro in passing, and soon enough, both were sitting across from one another on the bed with Karkat near the foot of the bed while Dave leaned against the headboard. 

“So.” Karkat started, eyes wandering around the room despite having seen it a million times before. “What exactly happened? What did she say?”

“She broke up with me.” The blonde reiterated. “She said something about me not putting enough importance on our relationship or something.”

Karkat scowled at that. “What the fuck does that even mean? You’ve been attached to her on the hip for the past two months, what more could she fucking want from you? You definitely prioritized her over all your other friends.”

Dave smiled guiltily at the other, who simply huffed and crossed his arms. “Yeah, I know. Sorry about that again, by the way.”

“So, is that all the reason she broke up with you?” He pressed. Dave sighed.

“She said cancelling the plans we had last minute for some bro time was apparently the last straw. She got mad at me for missing our date.”

“Why the hell would she be mad over missing another one stupid date? Don’t you guys already go on so many of those already? What’s so important about this one?”

Dave seemed to flush lightly, the blush so very obvious on his pale white as a ghost skin. “Uh…” He said eloquently. “It was a dinner date with her parents at her home.”

That caught Karkat off guard once more. Meeting the parents already? He thought, the same ache he’s become so familiar with rose from the pit of his stomach up to his chest. They were that serious already? They’ve only been dating for about six to seven months. Even Karkat thought that was moving a little too fast.

But the more pressing thought in his mind, one that overpowered the aching feeling in his chest, was the fact that Dave had cancelled on something so important for Karkat. But of course, the fluttery feeling only lasted a single moment before the guilt of being the cause for their break up, even accidentally, came crashing down on Karkat’s consciousness. He looked at anywhere but Dave, worrying his lower lip.

Dave immediately picked up on his friend’s silent cues and perked up, reaching over to put a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “Hey, hey, no. Whatever you’re thinking right now is bullshit, Karkat. It’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” He muttered, twiddling his thumbs on his lap. “I’m the one who pointed out all the ugly parts in your relationship and not even a week later, she breaks up with you. Because of me.”

Dave frowned. “It’s not your fault, okay? I made the decision to hang out with you today. And if she can’t respect the fact that I need to do some things without her, then it’s her loss. You were right. I should’ve seen it.” He said reassuringly and Karkat smiled sadly back at his friend. He knew Dave blames himself- something he was always quick to do, another similarity between the two of you -, and that he’s really torn up about the break up. But he also knew that the blonde wouldn’t cry about it. At least, not openly in front of another person. The only time Karkat has seen Dave cry was when they were just little shits doing stupid shit at the play park.

So for now, Karkat let Dave’s wall stand between the two of them. He didn’t need to see his friend completely break apart, especially when he knows anything he says at that time wouldn’t help, no matter how much he wants them to.

“Alright.” He agreed. Even if they both know that both of them were lying and neither was okay.

“Good.” Dave said with a small smile in return.

Dave Strider was okay. Or at least, he acted like it for the sake of his image. But Karkat has known Dave practically his entire life and he knew the little cues and slight changes to Dave’s expressions, posture, and general behaviour. The blonde was still trying to cope with the recent ending of his seven-month long relationship with Jade Harley. 

They hung out a lot more often and had late night note chats with each other when both couldn’t find it in them to sleep. Karkat liked having his friend back, although it was always mixed with a little bit of guilt because he considers himself the reason for the two’s falling out in the first place. But Dave is always there to remind him that he isn’t, and despite all his efforts, Karkat can’t get rid of the guilt inside his core. So he puts up a front that he’s forgiven himself, even though he hasn’t, much like Dave puts up a front of being over the relationship already despite being not okay with it all yet.

But both never mentioned knowing about each other’s facade and simply continued their friendship from where they left off of.

Jade has been avoiding Dave and Dave has been avoiding Jade. This was an obvious fact since the black-haired girl was rarely seen nowadays, almost always hanging around Aradia, Feferi, and Nepeta. Karkat has only ever caught passing glimpses of the glasses-wearing girl.

Everything went back to normal.

Except when it didn’t.

It was a Saturday night and Karkat hasn’t seen Dave all day at all. But he had shrugged it off as simple as being the Strider had things to do elsewhere that didn’t involve him. Which he was perfectly fine with.

But he started to wonder when it was past four in the afternoon and he still hasn’t heard from Dave. Usually, they’d have at least some contact, like seeing each other through their bedroom windows or passing a text or two to one another, but it’s been radio silence on Dave’s end. He hasn’t even seen the blonde in his bedroom, where he’d usually be on a weekend like this.

He had even come over to the Strider home and asked his Bro where Dave was, but all he knew was that his brother went out fairly early in the morning but never explicitly made it known where he was going. He wasn’t all that worried though.

So, he went back to his home and decided not to worry. Dave could take care of himself.

As he was re-entering his home, his father comes up to him, having come from the kitchen. “Wait, wait, don’t take off your shoes yet.” He had called out, wiping his hands on his apron. Karkat’s father liked to cook and was almost always in the kitchen. An imprint his mom had left on him before she died.

“What?” He questioned, but stopped undoing his shoes as asked. His father fishes around his pocket before producing his wallet and scouring through it for some cash.

“I need you to go out before the convenience store closes.” He stated, handing Karkat a couple of dollars and a list of things to buy. “Can you go fetch me a few ingredients for tonight’s dinner?”

Karkat groaned, putting his hand to his face and dragging it down slowly. “Seriously? Why can’t you get Kankri to do it?” He whined while his father pouted.

“C’mon, Karkat. You’re already all dressed up and ready to go, do you really want to bother your brother now?” He asked, trying to guilt trip the younger one.

Guilt trip failed. “Yes.” He simply stated. ”Yes, in fact, I do want to disturb his peace and quiet since I apparently can’t have mine.” But although he said this, he snatched the money and note from his father’s hands and headed out the door.

“Thanks, Karkat.” His father called out to him one last time before Karkat slams the door behind him.

The convenience store wasn’t all that far away. He walked the long route on his way there, deciding that a walk would be nice and there was some scenery he liked seeing around the small town he lived in.

It didn’t take very long for him to get the things he needed but when he was finished, he noticed that the sunset was blocked by dark, heavy looking rain clouds. He then remembers reading that it’s supposed to rain starting from tonight all the way through morning from the weather app on his phone. And since he only remembered then, that meant he didn’t actually bring an umbrella with him to the trip.

So this time, Karkat decided to take the shortcut home. But much to his dismay, it started pouring down on him halfway through his journey.

At first, it was just a light sprinkle, and Karkat thought he could make it home before it really comes pouring down, but with his shit luck, it didn’t take long for the rain to come on full force on him.

By this time, the street lamps had turned on during his walk as night descended on him. He had tied the plastic bag closed to make sure the items he bought from the store stays dry.

Karkat walked miserably home, not bothering to wipe away the hair that stuck to his face and obscured a bit of his vision. He was cold and lightly shivering, but he didn’t run, having accepted his terrible fate. Again, he seemed to like to stew in his own misery. His clothes clung to his form in the most uncomfortable ways and Karkat was generally in a shitty mood.

The walk seemed longer than it really was, but once he came upon a small playground, his mood lightened up a bit. It was a landmark that told him that home was close.

He would’ve passed it without a second thought, but his eye caught a dark figure in the rain. The street lamps didn’t go far enough to light up the park so he had no idea who was standing around an empty park, in the pouring rain. His pulse quickened for a second, thinking that it might be some serial killer and he was about to die with no one to hear his screams over the loud sound of rain hitting the asphalt.

He purposely slowed his walking to make sure he wouldn’t be caught off guard if the figure did decide to attack, but he fully stopped when he got close enough to see a tuft of blonde hair against ghostly white skin, aviators reflecting the light off of the street lamps.

Without thinking, he dropped his plastic bag of goods and found his feet taking him closer to the figure of one Dave Strider.

The blonde was standing by the swing set. The dark haired teen stopped once he got close enough to be at arm's length.

For a long while, the two simply stared at one another. Disbelief on Karkat’s face while indifference on Dave’s. Wisps of white air moved past their lips, the temperature difference was enough for it to manifest itself.

Karkat was the first to break the silence.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He questioned, tone hoarse and gruff, but loud and clear, cutting through the sounds of pouring rain.

“Jade said she’d meet me here.” He answered simply, hands in his pockets. Karkat could see the little droplets rolling down the blonde’s glasses. He could even see his own reflection staring at the other with wide eyes.

“What for?” He continued his query, unaware of the hands that are balled up into fists at his sides. His voice came out forced. Karkat winced at his own words.

“She said she wanted to get back together with me and that she’d meet me here.” He answered simply, voice lacking any tone or emotion at all. Karkat could feel anger surge inside his stomach. Did she really make him wait for her all day in this damn spot? And did Dave seriously stay in this one damn spot, not questioning why she hasn’t arrived all this time later? What was wrong with both of these people? Were they incapable of simple common sense?

“She’s not coming, is she?” Dave suddenly says, bringing Karkat back to reality. The blonde’s voice was soft and was said in a way that told the other that he already knew the answer to his own question. A sad smile graced the blonde’s lips.

Karkat didn’t know what to say. So he said nothing at all.

Instead, he reached forward and wrapped his arms around the other’s shoulders, pulling him close against himself. Dave’s arms easily slid around his own waist, burying his face into the wet heap of hair of the dark-haired teenager.

They stayed like that for a long while, comfortable with each other’s warmth and neither wanting to part first.

But they eventually had to, albeit after some time has passed. Karkat stared at his own reflection in the cool kid’s glasses and slowly reached up to wrap his fingers around the stem, carefully sliding them off like he had many times before.

Then, he was staring into bright, bright lava-like eyes, orbs seemingly glowing in the darkness around them.

Karkat took his time studying his face. The curve of his jaw. The shape of his lips. The smoothness of his skin as he ran his fingers through them. His bright blonde hair sticking and framing his face so beautifully that it should be impossible. His body heat that warmed every place they touched. His perfect eyes that Karkat has learned to read so well after all these years together.

It hurt his heart to see Dave’s eyes look so tired.

It was wordless. He thought that alarms would ring in his ears, that metaphorical trumpets would sound inside his imagination when it happened, but it was quiet. The sound of the rain becoming background noise between the two of them.

He thought that it would be passionate, full of heat and hands and excitement. But it was warm, like being covered in a thick blanket to battle the cold on a winter’s day, hot chocolate in hand. It was soft, with much caution, tentative movements and unsure hands.

He thought it would be just like one of his romcoms.

It was better than that.

Kissing Dave Strider was better than anything he had ever experienced before.

He didn’t know or how, but he managed to get his fingers lost in the tuft of blonde hair while one hand rested on the nape of his neck, keeping them close together. The blonde’s hands were on the small of his back and on his cheek, guiding the kiss.

It was soft and warm and tasted of stale rainwater as it continued to pour all around them. His movements were languid, slow and deliberate as if he planned to memorize the shape of the dark haired teen’s lips with his own. He took charge of the kiss, licking and nipping while the other let out little sighs in between kisses.

It was chaste, both too nervous to venture further just yet.

Neither knew how long the kiss went, but they had to break apart eventually. Karkat stared wide-eyed at the other, brows creasing in worry that it might’ve just been a mistake- a mistake in the heat of the moment because neither was really sure who had initiated it in the first place. They had both leaned in and met halfway.

But the way the other smiled so fondly at him, an expression that was made especially for him. He never looked at Jade or all his other girlfriends the way he looked at Karkat at that moment. It made Karkat’s chest swell with overwhelming happiness, tears started to actually form in the corners of his eyes. He laughed quietly as the other caressed his cheek with his thumb, holding him close.

The two of them walked home, hand in hand, neither saying a word.

Their first stop was Karkat’s house. The dark haired male had rung the doorbell even though he had his keys on him to open the door. But he had no plans of staying home, so he might as well not dirty their floor with rainwater by going inside.

His father opened the door and he had wordlessly handed him the plastic bag containing all of the ingredients he needed. His father raised an inquisitive eyebrow, clearly noticing the two’s intertwined fingers but didn’t bother to bring it up.

“I’ll be staying over at the Strider’s.” He had stated simply and his father gave a stern nod.

“Alright. I’ll see you in the morning then.” His father smiled at him warmly, and Karkat had returned the gesture. “You better take care of my son, Strider.”

He watched the blonde’s lips quirk up into a smile. “Always, mister Vantas.”

Then, they were off to the Strider residence.

Bro had given them an raised eyebrow but didn’t question them further either after Dave had repeated the fact that Karkat was going to be staying over at their house.

They never once let go of each other on the way up to Dave’s bedroom.

“You can have my clothes to change into.” Dave casually said once he’s closed the door behind the two of them. Then, he crossed his room to his closet all while he pulled his shirt over his head.

It’s not the first time that they’ve undressed in front of each other all the way until all they had on was their boxers. But something felt different about this time, and Karkat couldn’t help but stare at every movement of Dave’s, heat rising to his cheeks. He stood by the door, frozen.

Dave takes notice of this as he threw his wet t-shirt into his laundry basket and smiled, reaching a hand up to stifle his silent laughter. “Do you plan on standing there the whole night, Vantas?”

Karkat swallowed thickly and averted his eyes as he slowly approached the other and began to take his shirt off too. His brain had stopped functioning properly and he wasn’t able to return a proper retort back.

Both of them undressed, both sneaking glances at the other’s body before getting caught by one another and promptly looking away. Karkat’s heart was hammering in his chest, threatening to burst right out of his ribcage. It was embarrassing how shy they’d suddenly become of one another, suddenly so aware of each other’s bodies, noticing things they previously hadn’t.

To Karkat, he marvelled at how slender the blonde’s figure really was, but with enough muscle from so many strifes with his Bro.

Once the both of them were finally free of their sticky, wet clothes, Dave had handed the other a towel to dry off with along with clothes to change into. Karkat took these things and wordlessly entered the adjoining bathroom in Dave’s room.

He dried himself off but got stuck at the second part of the procedure; actually changing into the clothes. His face was burning at this point as he stared at the extra pair of boxers Dave was lending him. Again, not the first time they’ve shared something like this. Dave used to always make fun of his crab themed underwear when he slept over at Karkat’s house. But something felt so different from then to now.

He’s only now realizing how fucking intimate this whole thing was, something he’d always previously brushed off as natural since they’ve been doing it since they were little toddlers.

He looked at his reflection and frowned at the current red state of his face. Then, he physically slapped both of his cheeks to snap him out of such thoughts and forced his body to just do it and change into the clean clothing.

Once he was all dressed up, he lingered for a moment, staring at himself in Strider’s clothes. It was in it’s usual red theme with blackbirds sprouting up from one side and decorating the rest of the shirt. He denied how much he liked being in Dave’s clothing and denied even more that it’s because of the fresh apple scent he always seemed to carry around him, clinging to his clothes.

Karkat only left the bathroom once he stopped from blushing so goddamn hard. Dave was on his bed in his respective pyjamas, fingers drumming along his thigh and looking lost in thought. But he quickly perked up when he heard the click of the bathroom door opening and closing and saw the dark haired teen, bringing a smile to his face.

“It’s not too big on you, is it?” The blonde inquired as the other approached him on the bed. Karkat fidgeted with the hem of the shirt, still avoiding looking at Dave.

“‘S fine.” He said simply, standing in front of the other awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Dave’s eyes softened at the shy behaviour of his best friend. “Hey… Look at me?”

Karkat licked his lips but eventually did lift his gaze from the wooden floor to piercing scarlet red eyes. Dave grinned toothily at the other and Karkat forgot how to breathe for a moment. Then, the blonde grabbed the other’s wrist and pulled him down, effectively getting the raven-haired teen stumbling onto his lap. Karkat curses how fast his face flooded with heat at the sudden closeness.

The two shifted into a more comfortable position, but Karkat opted to stay seated on the other’s lap. He twiddled with his fingers, keeping his eyes down as Dave laughed. Karkat scowled, cheeks still flushed. “What’s so fucking funny, fuckass?”

Dave casually slid his arms around his waist, still chuckling lightly. “Are you nervous?” He replied with a question of his own, getting an eye roll from Karkat. Of fucking course he was, he was still unsure where exactly they stood now, but he couldn't help but be happy and giddy nonetheless.

“What do you fucking think, Strider?” He had snarked instead.

“There’s no need to be. We’re still friends, right?” Karkat’s heart stopped suddenly, feeling a cold chill run down his spine like he just had ice cubes shoved down the back of his shirt.

Right. Friends.

He tried to keep his expression neutral, simply nodding weakly and trying to get up and off of Dave’s lap. Fuck. He’s such a fucking fool, he had just made things awkward between them now. But the blonde simply pulled him back down, keeping him grounded on his lap. Dave rolled his eyes, a smile still playing on his lips. “Karkat, you’re such a fucking dumbass.” He casually commented.

Karkat’s brows furrowed at that, arms crossed. “What the ever loving fuck do you mean, Strider?”

Dave’s smile simply turned smug and Karkat’s insides twisted uncomfortably in response. “Did you really think we can’t be friends and lovers at the same time?”

Oh.

Oh.

The dark haired teen’s heart stopped once more, for a completely different reason this time. His breath hitched and he stared, frozen and wide-eyed. Fuck. He’s such a flirt he can’t even fathom how Strider is capable of being so smooth right now.

This was something entirely new to him, as Dave had never acted like this around him. And Karkat was at an utter loss for how to properly react.

Apparently, he didn’t have to think about it for too long though, as Dave acts before he could even think of what to do. The blonde, with his shit eating smirk, had pulled him down into a kiss.

Once this registered in Karkat’s mind, he was quick and eager to return the kiss, wrapping his arms around the other’s neck.

This was different from before. There’s more intent this time, lips chasing after one another, barely able to breathe in between. Then, they slowly found a rhythm to work with, actions becoming less erratic and needy and more slow and insistent.

The dark haired teen’s heart skipped when the other had licked his lips and tentatively slipped his tongue into his mouth. He couldn’t suppress the shudder that goes through him, feeling up the soft foreign texture in his mouth. Dave moved expertly (of course he would, he's had a lot of practice), while Karkat simply tried to follow his actions, completely unsure of his every movement.

They took their time getting used to the feeling of one another, Karkat’s fingers getting lost into Dave’s blonde hair. While the blonde’s hands stayed securely around his waist, thumb brushing at the skin under his shirt and just above the hemline of the sweats he was wearing.

When they’ve finally separated, though kept their faces close to one another, the two were breathless, both breathing heavily.

It was overwhelming, the swelling feeling and warmth Karkat felt in his chest. The intensity of all of his emotions was almost too much to handle and although he laughed at the sheer impossibility of this whole situation, tears spilled from his eyes.

They were quiet beads of water rolling down his cheeks, but when the other hand cupped his cheeks with such gentle care and asked what was wrong with such a soft voice, he couldn’t help the flood that breaks through the cracks. He buried his face into the crook of Dave’s neck and let himself fall apart in the warm embrace he was being given. He clung to the other as his life depended on it, sobs wracking his body and shaking his shoulders. All while he stroked his hair, held him close, and hummed quietly into his ear.

“I don’t wanna wake up.” He hiccuped, convinced that he must be dreaming up all of this. After processing everything that had just happened, he decided that everything just went too perfectly for this to be reality. But the arms he was enveloped in simply held him tighter, pulling him so close not even a sheet of the thinnest paper in the world could ever get between the two of them.

“Karkat.” The way his name fell from his lips only brought on renewed tears to his eyes. He says it with such care, it feels like an icicle was piercing his heart and twisting painfully. “You’re not dreaming.”

But he simply continued to cry, probably soaking the blonde’s shirt. “Y’know, I probably should’ve noticed how you felt sooner.” Dave was mumbling, running his fingers up and down Karkat’s back in an attempt to calm him down. “I’m so fucking stupid. I ran around like a fucking idiot, never noticing that everything I’ve ever needed was already right beside me.”

Slowly, slowly, he got ahold of his breathing. “I’m sorry, Kittykat.” He murmured, nuzzling along the dark haired teen’s neck affectionately. “I’m sorry.”

Karkat finally stopped crying and simply sniffled, a pleasant buzz going through his body. The two of them stayed that way for however long before Dave finally slowly laid the other down the bed to rest while he stood up and crossed the room to turn off the light switch. Then, he comes back and turns on the little night light at the end of his bed, bathing the room in soft ambers.

The night light had been for Karkat, all the way back when they were just little kids. Since he was afraid of the dark, Dave got him a night light for his sixth birthday. A stupid little thing shaped into an orange crab. They first used it when Karkat decided he wanted to stay over at Strider’s house for his birthday, and it’s stayed there since then, for whenever the crabby little guy came back over again. He eventually outgrew it, but Dave kept it in his room. A reminder that Karkat would always come back again.

The memory brings a smile to Karkat’s features. Dave joined him on the bed, pulling the covers over the two of them before wrapping his arms around his best friend once more. “G’night.” He kissed the top of his head as the raven-haired boy snuggled closer to him.

“Good night.”

Sunday came and went. The two of them spent most of the day together, doing what they usually did on lazy weekends. They played video games (it mostly consisted of Dave constantly kicking Karkat’s ass in every game they played), went to the library to assist Karkat with his books, and went out for ice cream, getting sprinkles on top of theirs like they always did even back when they were just dumb kids. “You can never be too old for sprinkles, bro,” is what Dave had said. 

Then, they parted ways and Karkat went back home that afternoon, a pleasant warmth coursing through his veins. All until he realized he still hadn’t finished his homework that was due that Monday. Dave had taunted him about not doing his homework through the window since he apparently already finished his that Friday.

Monday finally came and Karkat was still nervous about going at all, even if Dave was walking to school with him like they always did in previous years. They hadn’t explicitly talked about what they were now, aside from the confirmation on Saturday from Strider that yes, he wanted to be with Karkat in that way, while also keeping their friendship. He wasn’t sure how Dave would act around him when it came to finally appear in school. He knew the blonde always liked keeping his image of a ‘cool dude’, and he thought that he would want to hide their relationship to uphold that reputation of his.

They had held hands all the way to school, and Karkat was pleasantly surprised when Dave continued to hold his hand as they entered the school. He didn’t call it into attention though and simply went along with it as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

The two had met up with their friends like they always did in the mornings, and the first to notice his intertwined hands with Strider had been, of course, Rose Lalonde herself. The blonde girl had smiled knowingly at the two of them and whispered the news to Kanaya who was less subtle about her enthusiasm about his new relationship status.

Both blondes danced around the idea that the two of them were dating, trading snide remarks and snarky comments while Kanaya had pulled the dark-haired male aside to walk down the hallways to talk before the bell rang.

She had talked animatedly and excitedly to Karkat, asking so many questions and wanting all of the details. And the dark haired male was more than eager to recount the details to her like a pathetic Japanese school girl in a shoujo anime, although he did it bashfully, the fluttering feelings inside his chest overtaking him completely. But he couldn’t resist reliving those wonderful moments as he talked about them to the green-eyed girl.

When the bell did finally ring, Kanaya had pulled him into a crushing hug. “Congratulations, Karkat. I’m really happy for you.” She had whispered into his ear and kissed his forehead before hurrying off to her own classes.

Karkat left for his own classes, a stupid smile plastered on his face. Even his other friends who had the same classes as him had noted his weirdly positive behaviour, but he simply waved them away dismissively, being purposefully vague about what’s got him in such a good mood in the first place.

In the few classes he did have with Dave, he found that he couldn’t focus, eyes always wandering back to him. And with Dave’s posture and seating position (slanted slightly to the side facing him), he could tell that the same could be said for the blonde.

When lunch finally did come, the two of them had splintered off from their usual group, leaving them with questions at the tip of their tongues.

The two of them had decided to eat outside, on the grass in the sloping hill behind their school. Dave had popped his shades above his head despite the sun shining down on hard on them. Then, he smiled at the other and patted the area closest to him, telling Karkat to near him. He obliged, of course, and sat on the grass, their legs almost touching.

“Hey. I have something I want to ask you.” Dave had spoken up, and the other turned his head, giving him his full attention while he idly bit on his sandwich. Dave looked at him from the corner of his eye. “How long have you liked me?”

Karkat almost spits out his food but managed to swallow it down with much effort. He was pulling at the grass beneath him with his other hand, watching the green blades break apart easily. “Um… I… I- uh- I don’t really know when it started.” He swallowed thickly again, trying to get the words out despite the burning sensation he could feel all over his body. “I do know that it’s been a while. Like, um… Years…”

He refused to look at the blonde. But the other simply put his hands on his waist and pulled him flush against his body. Karkat squeaked in surprise. “ Fuck, man.” Dave muttered, a hint of laughter in his tone. “I feel even more of an asshole for never noticing. It was probably hell for you.”

Karkat finally looked up. Dave was looking out to the other students milling about the fields too, lips pursed into a thin line. He looked guilty and it felt like a cold stab at Karkat’s insides. He shouldn’t feel happy about this, but he is. Because finally, finally, he’s paying attention to him now.

He elbowed the blonde in the stomach hard, rolling his eyes while the other wheezed, falling on his back. “Fuck yeah, it was hell.” Karkat casually stated. “It was hell, seeing your arms around someone else, watching you be so blissfully happy, oblivious to my feelings. But you know what made it even worse? The little gestures of affection you did give me kept me hoping for something totally fucking impossible, and not knowing just what you fucking do to me because we were friends. Best friends. I swear, I would’ve died of heartache long ago if that was even possible.” He continued to elaborate on, watching Dave’s expression turn even guiltier. Then, the dark haired teen smiled.

“But you know what? It was totally fucking worth it. I would’ve continued to suffer as long as you were happy. Because that’s how much to mean to me, Dave. I didn’t want to risk our friendship because of my selfish want to have you to myself.” Dave stared at him with wide eyes and Karkat found it hard to keep eye contact after just admitting feelings he’d been suppressing for years.

Dave didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to.

Cause he kissed him long and hard after that little speech, conveying what words can’t.

Word about their relationship spread like wildfire and after school, practically everyone knew. But thankfully, their friends didn’t probe too much about what’s happening between the two of them.

The two of them had gone home together too.

They had spent the whole afternoon doing what they usually did, only now, it was a little different.

Little gestures of affection in between all of their activities. Light lingering touches to one another, crooked shy smiles, long silent stares. And sure, they kissed every now and then, both chaste little butterfly kisses and long heated passion filled ones. But whenever they were caught by his Bro, they’d get a face full of smuppet ass thrown at them along with wise words of wisdom about how they should use protection.

Everything was still the same as before. It just got better. Like an upgrade to a premium membership where they were able to have access to things they’ve never had before, and everything was in 1080p HD quality.

But nothing had changed between the two of them. They were still the same little shits seventeen years ago, doing idiotic dumbass things like they usually did.

Together.

And Karkat has a feeling they will be, for a long while.