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He doesn’t know when exactly he woke up, or when he came to be, but once he comes to be, he remembers. His first memory is that of a boy talking a mile a minute, mostly babbles and half-finished words and an enthusiasm that can never be unmatched.
His first memory is of warm brown eyes that shift into gold when the sun hits it just right, of skinny arms dragging him everywhere, of a boy whose soul burns in the same wavelength as his soul does, and that’s not right because he’s cold and freezing--
And he’s not. But his first memory is of Anthony Edward Stark wishing for a friend. He doesn’t know it yet but it’s those words that travel across metaphysical fabrics and jerks onto one frozen body and sucks, until he breathes.
Tony Stark wishes for a friend one afternoon. He tells that to his stuffed toy, a gift from his Mamma, a stuffed toy slightly larger than him. It’s a bear dressed in a blue army uniform with a mask on its face, and Tony calls it Bucky, because Jarvis says that was his name.
Tony Stark wishes for a friend and his Bucky-bear twitches. Moves. Breathes.
Tony Stark wishes for a friend and Bucky answers.
Here is what the world knows:
Fate has a way of letting you meet your other half. Soulmates, they call them.
Here is what the world doesn’t know:
For a rare few, the ones who will go about shaping the world, fate goes out of its way to let them meet.
For the rarest of souls, the ones with the potential to shape worlds, fate will do anything to let them meet.
Even if time isn’t on their side.
“I wanna get a cookie,” says Tony, at age three, precocious and infinitely precious. “Let’s get a cookie, Bucky, please.”
“No,” says Bucky.
“You are my most favoritest in the whole world,” replies Tony grandly, eyes wide and pleading. “My favoritest.”
“I know that,” says Bucky. “An’ you’re mine too, but I ain’t riskin’ Ana, Tony.”
“Aww,” pouts Tony. “But cookies.”
“Ain’t helpin’ you.”
Ten minutes later, Captain Tony Stark and his Sergeant James Bucky Bear Barnes embark on a perilous mission with the objective of getting three cookies out of the Jar.
(They succeed. Of course they do. Bucky’s weirdly knowledgeable about sneaking in places.)
Bucky measures his life, if you could call it that, by Tony-years.
Tony is six when Howard hits him. Out of anger or of being drunk, or both, Bucky will never know. He doesn’t care. Tony is six and he’s small, just about Bucky’s height in his stuffed-bear form, and he goes down when Howard strikes him. His expression is a sight Bucky will never ever forget: shock, hurt, and misery all rolled up into one.
Bucky never wants to see it again.
That night, after Tony’s sleeping, Bucky extricates himself from Tony’s bed and noiselessly gets out of their room. The surveillance cameras that Howard set up in his own house doesn’t capture him. It never does - he and Tony has spent several experiments trying to figure out why.
He can touch and move things. But it’s only Tony who can see his expressions, sees the way he crosses his soft arms; only Tony who can hear him, hear his thoughts about technology and computers and science.
Once upon a time, he wished for anyone - other than Tony - to hear him. Jarvis, maybe. Mamma - no, Maria, definitely. But he learns to cope with it. Besides, Tony’s company is the best.
The thing is: he is essentially invisible if he isn’t by Tony’s side. And if he is, people would only see Tony dragging around a too-big Bucky-bear, lifeless and limp.
So that night, he sneaks into Howard’s office and opens his safe. He drags out a confidential file and doesn’t bother reading it, only turning it around and slotting it in Howard’s typewriter, using Howard’s ink, and types:
Today is a mistake you should never repeat.
He seals it in an envelope and stamps on Howard’s insignia, too.
It’s simple and straightforward. Howard will know what it means. Howard will also know what it means that Bucky uses all of Howard’s tools in his very secured home.
Bucky leaves the letter by Howard’s bedside.
It takes Bucky five letters before Howard gives up on catching who the culprit is. The cameras never catch anything nor do the motion detectors. The man even stays up late at night and he blinks once, and the letter’s there.
Howard distances himself from Tony, furious at being unable to apprehend his son’s protector and unwillingly terrified.
Tony’s sad eyes follow Howard’s figure, lingering, and Bucky sighs.
That night, he leaves another message.
Appreciate who you have and I will leave you alone.
Sometimes he gets these flashes of living in a smaller, much smaller apartment. A family of four, no, five. Faceless people but the scent of pumpkin pie drafting from the kitchen imprints itself on Bucky’s mind. It hurts.
Sometimes the flashes give him a faint impression a skinny boy with blue eyes, and a huge boy with the same eyes, and it hurts just as much as the smell of pumpkin pie does.
“But that doesn’t make sense! See here, one of the results show that --”
“That’s only one reaction, Tones, only one an’ you know how --”
“But it’s one and we gotta --”
“If you put this with that then --”
“Now you’re the one not making sense, Bucky, so --”
“Tony?” Maria’s voice cuts in the room and they both shift their attention to the door. “Talking with Bucky again?”
“Yeah, he’s being stubborn,” says Tony.
“You’re the stubborn one,” retorts Bucky. Tony doesn’t show any outward reaction but Bucky feels pettiness rolling off of him.
“I’m sure he is,” agrees Maria. “But while he’s being stubborn, get dressed, okay?”
“Why?”
“Because the Stones and van Dynes are coming, love. I laid out your outfit on your bed.”
Tony sulks. “I don’t wanna.”
“It’s your chance to make friends, Tony,” says Maria. Bucky wants to protest - he’s Tony’s friend and he doesn’t need anyone else. Tony, from the looks on it, thinks the same way. “I know you’re shy but Tiberius Stone is around your age, as well as Janet.”
“‘M not shy,” says Tony.
“I’m sure they’ll like you,” says Maria.
Famous last words.
Tiberius and Tony get along well. For the first time in his life, he’s hanging out with someone his age and a living human being. Janet sniffed but she’s with them, and they all explore the mansion.
Until they reach Tony’s room and finds Bucky there, sitting on Tony’s bed, dressed spiffily in his usual army-like uniform.
“You still sleep with a teddy bear?” says Ty, words just shy of mocking. “Aww, baby Tony Stark!”
“Bucky’s my friend,” defends Tony instantly.
“Aww,” coos Ty again. He doesn’t say anything but he does eye Bucky derisively.
Later, Tony excuses himself to go to the facilities and comes back with Janet and Ty arguing, Ty holding something in one hand and a scissor on the other.
Janet turns to him and says, “I tried to stop him!”
Tony’s about to ask ‘what?’ when he sees the something in Ty’s hand is actually Bucky. Or, at least, Bucky’s torso.
His Bucky-bear’s been cut in two halves. In that very moment, Tony swears he could feel everything falling silent except for the beat of his heart, a steady thrum of dub, dub, dub, going faster and faster.
And suddenly he’s hitting Ty, and Ty’s hitting him back, and Janet’s pulling Ty’s hair, too.
The scissors cuts Tony’s hand but that pain doesn’t register. His mind, for once, is blank. All he knows is that BUCKY’S GONE and that-- that is unforgivable.
The next moments are a blur. Jarvis and his parents and the Stones and the van Dynes come, separating them. Ty accuses Tony of hurting him first but Janet tells the whole story, saying Ty broke Tony’s stuff and look, Tony’s bleeding, they gotta patch him up first.
Later, after the Stones have left, Janet approaches Tony and says, “I have a doll my mama gave me. Her name’s Hope.”
“He was Bucky,” replies Tony.
“I know,” says Janet. “And you’re Tony. You should call me Jan.”
Tony starts calling her Jan. He feels like he should be happy, because he’s made a friend, but he just lost one. The best one he’d ever had.
Since the beginning, Tony had Bucky. Bucky’s his just as much as Tony is Bucky’s.
Now Bucky’s gone and Tony feels hopelessly, helplessly alone.
Bucky wakes up.
He doesn’t know where he is. The last thing he remembers happening to him is that Tiberius jerk grabbing him and shredding him. He knew there was something smarmy about that kid.
He gets up and finds himself face to face with.. well, with him. Another Bucky-bear.
Bucky looks around and realizes he’s in a room filled with more Bucky-bears. Not one of them is moving except for him.
With horror, he realizes he wakes up in a toy store.
Why is he in a toy store?
More importantly, How far is this toy store from the mansion?
Bucky knocks on Tony’s window after three days of travelling. He’s battered and dirty, dust from the road and from other people clinging to his fur, but he’s smiling.
Tony’s face, when he sees Bucky, lights up and it is the best damn sight Bucky’s ever seen.
“You came back!” whisper-yells Tony. He grabs Bucky and pulls him in a tight hug. “You’re alive and you’re home and you came back, Bucky.”
Bucky hugs him back, stuffed bear arms wrapping around Tony. He’s a teddy bear and because of that, he gives the best hugs.
“For you, Tony, I’ll always come back.”
(Somewhere, the Asset dreams.
It has been dreaming for eight years now. It should have reported the deviant patterns noted, but for a reason yet unknown, it doesn’t.
It will continue to dream for nine more years until it is waken up and assigned a mission it will fail.
But that’s a story for another day.)