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Lena was frustrated.
Under normal circumstances, her work or the company or some boorish mansplaining douchebag was responsible but the crux of her frustration lay with the one person she desperately needed it to not be.
Supergirl.
And Lena was very aware at this very moment that she was referring to Kara as Supergirl because like it or not, it did actually feel like she was having the same discussion with two different people (which was in and of itself an exasperating experience). Ultimately, it wasn’t about the end goal.
It was how to get there.
Turns out when you discover that your meager Earth transmissions actually did contact an alien race (and that alien happens to be Kryptonian) there is still the matter of alliances, allegiances, and pride.
Kara Zor-El was not the doe eyed young girl giggling at how strange English sounded or how absurd it must have been to discover life outside her galaxy on such a weak transmission. She was a woman of two worlds, someone who had blended those two lives into a very complex being.
Supergirl wanted to do whatever it took to save humanity from all manners of evil.
Kara wanted to expose the underbelly of crime in a way that Supergirl could not.
Both of them were fiercely protective of their loved ones. So much so, Lena felt more alone in these last few weeks than she had in a very long time. Supergirl was a constant presence because being a ‘protector’ was in the job description. It wasn’t that Kara cared for her any less, but she had certainly receded into the background.
Lena’s penthouse had a nice view of the city and the night sky was littered with light pollution making it very hard to appreciate the stars.
She had spent so much time looking for something, anything to give her a shred of happiness. And maybe she had found that in Kara, but since the day she had really met Kara (and what she wore under those cardigans) Lena was still seeking for something to fill a void that she feared never would be complete.
******
Kara was exhausted.
And for an alien with super strength, speed and endurance it really meant something to say she was tired and actually feel it. In her bones and muscles there was this phantom ache. Alex had suggested that maybe it wasn’t a physical failing. She was stressed, overworked and carrying the weight of an exposed secret that should have been liberating. It wasn’t.
And Kara didn’t like stress. Cat Grant was a walking ball of stress. Winn talking Earth science too quickly? Stress. J’onn putting her through needless drills to test out new weaponry on the really slow crime days and then complaining when she would accidently break them? Stress.
Lena Luthor now knowing she was Supergirl? It should have put her heart and mind at ease. When Lena thanked her then hugged her tight, Kara just felt deep down that this was what it really meant to feel and be lucky.
But she didn’t necessarily feel lucky anymore. Lena was an easy target for wayward schemes which often required the assistance of Supergirl to rectify. Lena was good at positing her potential for ‘dark side’ tendencies while simultaneously expressing a vulnerability that some of the most openly sensitive people would never be able to achieve. Kara was that shoulder to lean on.
It occurred to her a few days after really introducing herself to Lena that she didn’t know how to do both. Being Supergirl was easy. Somehow, Kara Danvers became less so.
Maybe once upon a time the two of them had searched and found a deep connection with limited knowledge of what life really entailed, but in this moment their lives and motives were not as aligned as Kara would have hoped. A childish fantasy for an instantaneous and satisfying discovery of another soul like hers had simply vanished and was replaced with the here and now.
She and Lena were very different. Their view of Earth and its potential to be a symbol of good in this galaxy (and the next) couldn’t be any further apart. Kara sought peace through acceptance. Lena sought peace through a need for survival.
Kara’s apartment was too quiet, so she was listlessly floating as close to the stars as she could fly. She shut her eyes and concentrated. She trained her ears until she found what she was searching for.
Lena’s heartbeat.
******
Days stretched into nights and nights into days. Weeks. National City was being constantly tested and Supergirl was there to meet each challenge. It just so happened that one particular incident saw Lena face to face with a thug and a knife.
He was demanding her gold watch (which honestly, she could give two shits about and could easily replace, but it was the principle, you see) and she resisted him. When he advanced, she would retreat. The park was empty given the time of night and if her insomnia had just left her alone, she might have stayed in and avoided this whole mess.
The back of her knees hit a bench and she fell to the ground. He took advantage of the opening, lunged. She shut her eyes but heard a sickening crunch rather than the swish of a blade slicing through the air.
His knife had bent along with his wrist as it hit Supergirl square in the chest. It never ceased to amaze her just how fast Kara could move or how she even knew that Lena was in trouble.
Lena shifted off to the side and caught the look Kara was giving him. One of disbelief as he reached for another weapon tucked into his back pocket.
“Really?” she said, her hands on her hips. The attacker thought better of it. He crumbled to the ground as apparently the pain from his broken limb seemed to be registering. Kara gave him a stern look and felt satisfied he wouldn’t move. She held out her hand and said, “Are you okay, Ms. Luthor?”
Lena saw a weariness in Kara’s eyes she wasn’t sure she had seen before. She gripped onto Kara’s hand and was easily pulled back into a standing position. “I’m fine, Supergirl.”
“Good,” the hero said, finally gracing Lena with a shy smile. “I’ll be right back.”
In an instant, Supergirl scooped up the man and flew away.
Not even thirty seconds later, Lena felt a gust of air at her back and behind her was Kara Danvers, adjusting her glasses and smiling as if she didn’t just deposit Lena’s would be attacker somewhere. Whatever fatigue Lena had seen was gone or maybe hidden behind those glasses.
“How do you do that?” Lena said, humored.
Kara looked confused. “What?”
“Change into …. you in less than a minute.”
“Super speed?” Kara said with a shrug. Lena raised an eyebrow which prompted Kara to confess, “Practice. Lots and lots of practice. And next to no make-up.”
Lena seemed to like that answer better. “So, what happened to…?”
Kara smiled bashfully. “Um, I took him to the ER. Told the staff to call the police. I think he was on something? He didn’t really seem to understand his wrist was broken.”
Lena chuckled quietly, then offered her arm to Kara. “Walk me home?”
“Happily.”
******
Kara had never really been inside Lena’s penthouse. She had stood on the balcony once as Supergirl (before Lena knew).
It was open and clean. The furniture modern and sleek. Definitely took a page out of Flip or Flop (the original and not those knockoffs) with its greyscale theme and sharp edges. But it was big for one person. Probably emptier than it needed to be.
“Tea?” Lena asked.
Kara was going to say she should probably head home. But that had been her go to response to everything this past month and despite her initial high and then subsequent low at what telling her secret to Lena actually meant, it occurred to her that she missed her friend deeply.
“Don’t skimp on the sugar,” Kara finally said.
“I guess you’ll want something to eat as well. Snickerdoodles?”
Lena knew she had just sealed the deal at the lighted up expression on Kara’s face.
******
Kara’s apartment was a complete disaster. A loft was a much more confined space. And Kara’s was littered with discarded clothes and empty take out containers on the counter and several different issues of The Daily Planet strewn about on every available surface. Kara showed no qualms regarding her admiration of Clark Kent.
“Sorry about the mess,” Kara said, shutting the door after they entered.
In a matter of seconds, Lena saw many of the newspapers vanish. The trash in the kitchen was deposited in the can under the sink. The couch was cleared of clothes or unnecessary pillows and blankets. Kara slid to a stop in socked feet (at some point losing her shoes) and smiled at Lena. “Thirsty?”
“Water. And Kara it wasn’t necessary that you attempt to clean for me.”
Her tone was obviously teasing but Kara narrowed her eyes anyway as she retrieved water from her fridge (at normal speed). “Attempt?”
“Super speed or not, it’s still kind of a mess.”
The normally cheerful Kryptonian pouted.
******
Kara was pretty good at holding her breath for long periods of time. But as Lena removed her glasses for the second time in as many months and with little protest from Kara herself, she was doing just that. She was simply not breathing and her lungs were burning as if she was in danger of passing out at any moment.
“I like this Kara,” Lena said softly.
Finally, she exhaled. “How can you like her when I barely even know her?”
Lena leaned forward, very much in Kara’s space, almost cheek to cheek. The brunette’s arm wrapped around to the back of her head to gently tug at the hair tie securing the blond locks into a loose ponytail. Her hair fell messily to her shoulders as Lena pulled away again and Kara released another lungful of air she didn’t realize she had been holding.
******
Being friends with Lena Luthor meant the world to her.
******
Having Kara Danvers in her life was much preferable to being without.
******
Her penthouse was quiet.
Lena had considered another late-night walk, but after making that decision the last time and subsequently attracting the attention of Supergirl, she was wary and then ultimately disappointed in her slight fear at potentially being assaulted. Also, she wanted Kara to see her without having to save her. A presumptuous thought but not an unreasonable one.
Her phone buzzed on the nightstand.
Kara: You’re not sleeping.
Lena: No, I’m not. Are you spying on me?
Kara: Eavesdropping. You should get some rest.
Lena smiled a little at that response.
Lena: Invasive, but your concern is nonetheless appreciated.
Kara: Rao, Lena. I’m sorry. I guess I was just worried. And I can’t help but hear you.
Lena found that last statement interesting. She also finally noted that if Kara was hearing her this late at night then the Kryptonian wasn’t asleep either. Her fingers typed and hit send before she could talk herself out of it.
Lena: Since neither of us are asleep, stop by. I’ll put on some tea.
Kara: Are you sure? I mean, I just basically admitted to stalking you. ;)
Lena: I’m sure. Don’t linger. It doesn’t take long to boil.
Lena actually made it to the kitchen and had the water in the pot before she heard a knock on the door. She set the pot on the burner and then walked to the door to let Kara in.
Kara was there (sans glasses), in an adorable set of flannel pants and a white tank and she smiled sheepishly. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
Soon enough they were sitting on the couch in silence sipping from their mugs and looking out the huge glass windows at the city skyline. Kara sighed deeply. “I can see my apartment from here.”
Lena chuckled. “Through the buildings?”
Kara also laughed. “Well, yes, but what I meant was that it’s practically a straight line. Even if I actually navigated the city streets like a person with no powers, my path would hardly have any turns or detours.”
Lena’s expression turned thoughtful. “I’m not sure I understand the significance.”
“I guess …. it’s comforting to know that if something were to happen to me…. if I couldn’t fly or I couldn’t break my way through walls to reach you, then I could run with the knowledge that I have the most convenient route to get to you.”
Lena tentatively reached over to place a hand on Kara’s knee. She squeezed gently. “You shouldn’t live your life constantly looking for ways to protect me. I don’t want you to. Kara has friends and family that mean the world to her. There is an entire city that needs Supergirl.”
Kara looked at Lena’s hand on her knee. She eventually twined her fingers with Lena’s. “I told you. I can’t help it.” After a moment, Kara said, “Your heartbeat sped up.”
“Stop that,” Lena chided. “And I guess I feel special that you think of me in that way.”
“In what way?” Kara asked, finally looking Lena in the eye.
“You think of me as highly as you do of Alex or Winn or James,” Lena said.
“Of course, I do!” Kara said defiantly. “You’re amazing, Lena.”
Lena was hardly moved. “I don’t have people like you in my life, Kara. I never had anyone like you.”
“But you do have me, Lena.”
“I’m flawed in a way that Supergirl isn’t entirely okay with.”
“Supergirl has flaws too and she doesn’t think of you any differently,” Kara said then grinned. “And can we not talk about me in the third person?”
Their hands were still joined and Lena was entirely okay with it. It seemed that Kara was too. They lapsed into a silence that allowed the tension of the last couple of months to dissipate.
******
“You’re actually quite good at this,” Lena complimented. “Though we are playing on pressboard and the pieces are plastic.”
Kara laughed. “Not everyone is given chess sets made of glass for their birthday. Besides, you wanted to learn more about me; the one that spoke to you from a dying planet. That girl was highly gifted.”
Lena watched Kara counter her previous move with little to no hesitation. Kara was smart but she was hasty. Lena knew that chess was only mastered if one knew how to play for the long haul. Lex had taught her all the best moves, but admittedly, Kara was surprising her with some interesting placements. This wasn’t going to be the cakewalk she initially thought.
“Who taught you?” Lena asked, studying the board.
“Alex,” Kara replied. “I mean, it was fun until I started winning in four moves or less. Then it wasn’t quite as fun for Alex. I ended up having to join the chess team to keep playing.”
“Nerd,” Lena said playfully. She made her next move.
Kara huffed out a laugh. “Takes one to know one, Luthor.”
“You shouldn’t play it down, you know,” Lena said strongly. “You are very smart, Kara. And maybe you do it to give Kara Danvers another layer to hide behind, but I know what it’s like to pretend to be something you’re not. To hold back when all you want to do is run free.”
Kara knew what Lena meant, but she deflected. “Earth science is a bit different from Krypton’s. I wouldn’t say it’s any more advanced. I just can’t read it the way Winn can.”
“Science in its most basic form is the same across any planet,” Lena said, finally moving her knight. “Both of our societies made advancements long before there were computers or crystals to help speed up the process. What we know of the elements and the basic building blocks of life are all the same.”
Again, Kara made a quick move. It wasn’t a bad one, necessarily. But it wasn’t the best one.
Lena slid her rook into place and said smugly, “Check.” She watched Kara frown as it became clear all legal moves left exposed her King to capture. Lena had to sigh happily as she said, “You know, I was on my school’s chess team as well.”
Kara flicked her eyes upward, catching Lena’s. “You were?”
“Yeah,” Lena said nonchalantly. “I won the district championship three years in a row. After having taken a year off.” She flashed Kara a bright, gleaming smile. “How about you?”
“Came in second my senior year,” Kara admitted grudgingly. “And I will totally wipe that shit eating grin off your face in the next game.”
“Language, Kara,” Lena chastised playfully, resetting her pieces. “Was Kara Zor-El this competitive?”
Kara smiled, this time her face cheerful and eyes glazed in nostalgia. “No, not really. She was curious and adventurous. Book smart, not street smart. Now Kara Danvers, she grew up with Alex Danvers.”
“Enough said.”
******
The distance between Earth and Krypton was no match for the distance between herself and Kara right now.
Lena was staring up at Kara as the hero struggled to hold two halves of a C130 aircraft. One half held dangerous chemicals that dissolved in water. The other half contained herself. And it was all dangling dangerously low to the water beneath them.
Lena yelled to save the city. She probably didn’t have to yell. Kara would have heard her think it. It really wasn’t a question. Lena would sacrifice herself to keep anyone else from dying. And for all her speed, Kara could not secure one side of the plane to return for the other. Lena had accepted her fate in all this. Her penance.
“Climb Lena!”
Lena hesitated. She wasn’t worth this.
“Climb!”
She felt it then. As she would imagine Kara would when the yellow sun re-energized her cells after a tough fight. She felt a surge to live. It was her one shot. Her only shot. So, she kept her eyes on Kara as she forced herself to move. She heard that phrase from the not so distant past over and over and over.
Don’t be afraid.
“You have to jump! Now!”
It was less of a jump and more of a desperate grab of Kara’s wrist and release of the netting in the plane. Lena watched the plane crash into the water. She felt Kara’s strong grip on her arm as she moved as quickly as she could to a safe place to drop the plane and themselves. And when her feet hit the very solid and very immovable ground, she molded herself into Kara and she felt the embrace returned twofold.
“You did it,” Kara whispered hoarsely. Lena could feel Kara holding back, trying not to squeeze too tightly. She could hear tears in her voice. “I couldn’t lose you. I couldn’t . . . “
Lena cut off that sentence when she pulled back enough to hold Kara’s face in her hands and kissed her decisively on the lips. And Kara returned it with a desperation that Lena felt just as strongly roiling around in her gut. And then the kiss was over. They stood there just clinging to each other. One praying to a sun god in gratitude and the other just prayerful.
“It was Edge,” Kara stated, a tone laced with venom. Lena knew she wasn’t asking and she knew what Kara wanted to do about it. And Lord knows that sorry excuse of man certainly deserved the wrath of an angry Kryptonian but even a fate like that wasn’t worth the time or the energy. It wouldn’t help them in this moment. To see Kara reacting in a way that was all too much like a Luthor tugged at her heart.
“Don’t,” Lena begged, tightening her grip on Kara. “Don’t. Just take me home.” She could feel Kara wanting to pull away, wanting to fly away and track down Edge and do God knows what to him. So, she repeated defiantly, “Don’t, Kara. You always tell me ‘don’t be afraid’ and I know you’re scared right now and I need you to just…I just want to go home.”
Kara finally snapped out of her angry daze. She met Lena’s eyes and while the anger and fear simmered, the compassionate Kara Danvers was returning. “Okay. Okay, we can go. I’ll take you home.”
Lena was scooped up bridal style and flown upward to the heavens in much the same manner she had seen countless times in The Daily Planet. Superman flying in the sky with Lois in his arms. At the time she couldn’t understand how an entire city could romanticize such a thing.
Now she knew.
And she never wanted to go back.