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There are very few things in the world that leave Tony Stark with a feeling of uncertainty; it's something he prides himself on—being sure of everything, knowing projected outcomes and risks, of not needing to worry whether or not something will or won't work. He's lucky that his brain is wired in such a way, lucky that most things can be easily figured out.
Becoming a father, however, is one of those things that no matter what he does, he's still uncertain about it. He's read the books cover-to-cover, some of them he's even read twice. He's taken the classes, even the ones that he allows Pepper to all but drag him to because he wants to make her happy while also making sure he does this whole parenting thing right and not turn out like his father. And yet, even after all of the classes and books and podcasts and integrating his own personal inventions into the baby-proofing of the tower, he's still uncertain of what parenting is going to be like and whether or not he'll be any good at it.
Tony likes numbers and science and calculations because they're solid and transparent. Babies are the exact opposite. They're full of surprises and don't follow strict patterns and they rapidly change every single day. Babies aren't something he can manipulate and tweak down in his workshop like the suits. If he’s honest with himself, babies are scary and being a parent is even scarier.
When he looks at Peter and Gwen with Lucy, they make it look easy. Peter is what Tony would call a cool dad. He has no problem strapping a baby carrier to his chest and settling the little girl in it while he hangs out in R&D while Gwen and Pepper go out and do God only knows what. He can distinguish between all of Lucy’s cries and he swears it’s not because of his super hearing (Tony isn’t convinced) and he’s mastered swaddling her one handed (a trick he likes to show off to the other Avengers). Peter makes parenting look effortless and when Tony asks him for pointers, Peter does what he can, but he usually ends up shrugging and tells him that he'll figure it out once he becomes a dad himself.
It's not something you can study for, Tony. You kind of know this stuff already, like it's hardwired in your brain. Once you have a baby, it's like you automatically figure it all out. It’s hard to explain, but I promise I’m not making it up, Peter always says.
Tony doesn't believe him, so he goes back to the books and begins reading them again.
—
Prepping for a new baby hasn't been all bad. In fact, Tony's enjoyed most of it. But the thing he's enjoying the most right now is finally being done with the seven week lamaze class Pepper signed them up for.
She'd always be mad at him by the time each class session was over because he was always far too squirrelly for her liking, only half paying attention to what the instructors were saying as he unsuccessfully tried to respond to text messages and emails on his phone without Pepper catching him in the act. A swift elbow to the ribs from Pepper and the occasional pinch to the arm was usually enough to get Tony to focus his attention for a little while. He tried his best to pay attention during the super important parts though, like the times when the instructor would have everyone sit on a mat, the expectant moms settled between their birthing partners’ legs, as they practiced different types of breathing and relaxation techniques.
That kind of thing he needs to know. But the rest? He can just wing it. He's the king of winging it.
Their last class, however, was much different. It required no arm pinching or elbows to Tony’s ribs from Pepper which was a little surprising considering how hard she had to fight him that morning to put down the damn screwdrivers and get cleaned up for their class. There weren’t any new breathing techniques to demonstrate or new tips on how to help progress labor naturally. What Tony had thought was going to be a typical 75-minute class ended up being a 75-minute session of viewing of birthing videos that made this whole becoming-a-dad thing entirely too real.
He's known from the beginning that they're expecting a baby. He's watched as Pepper's body has gone through a crazy transformation, has watched her take on the "glow" everyone claims expectant mothers have. But it's never felt quite this real before, not even once he could feel the little jabs from their daughter's tiny hands and feet when he'd place his hands on Pepper's belly. It's slowly started to sink in over the last few weeks, especially now that Pepper is grumpy and always too hot and complains about her back and ankles (even though he tells her at least twice a day to stop wearing heels, that she'd be much more comfortable in a pair of flats).
He doesn’t try to talk much on their way back to the tower after their class ends and Pepper doesn't press him because she’s scheduled to call and talk with the interim CEO at Stark to check in on a few projects. Even while she’s chatting as if she didn’t just sit through an hour and fifteen minutes of real-life examples of what she’s about to experience herself in just a few short weeks, Tony is still struggling to process what exactly he’d just watched.
It’s shocking, yes, but part of it is also the fact that this all seems real to him now, like someone doused him with ice cold water without any warning. Pepper is better at handling stress and sudden “shock-to-the-system” type moments than he is and he’s a bit envious of her for it, With her due date being in just three weeks and four days away (though they were told at Pepper's last doctor's appointment not to plan on making until then), Tony is starting to panic. But only slightly—or so he tells himself on a regular basis.
He presses his first two fingers to the spot in the middle of his forehead and exhales through his nose as Happy pulls the car up to the front of the tower. His fingers are itching to go create something, one of his quirky coping mechanisms that help him decompress, but he knows that mentally he’s too wired to get any meaningful work done so he needs to send his body into endorphin overdrive. He hates that he always has to be moving, always building or creating or destroying something with his hands to feel any sense of calm because it also makes him anxious. This juxtaposed state he's stuck in is normal for him, but every so often he wishes it wasn't his normal.
—
One moment Pepper is next to him as they walk into the tower together, her phone still glued to her ear, and the next she’s gone, whisked away to what Tony can only assume is her office.
She’s just as guilty as I am when it comes to not being able to sit still and let work alone, he thinks to himself as he steps onto the elevator. He stops only briefly to change his clothes before making his way to the gym that's nestled deep beneath the tower where he hopes after a nice, long run that he'll be able to focus a little more and maybe make a few upgrades to his latest suit.
Things have been eerily quiet the last week at the tower with most of the Avengers off handling some sort of destruction half way across the world. Tony misses it, misses the adrenaline pumping through his veins, but not as much as he'd miss Pepper and her soft voice and vanilla smelling skin if Steve and the others would actually let him tag along with them. He's thankful for small favors from his friends, even if he doesn't quite want to admit it.
The quiet he's gotten used to over the past week is shattered the moment he pushes open the doors to the gym. Thor is off in the corner bench pressing more weight than Tony thought possible. He blinks and clears his throat, unaware that the Avengers had returned home. While he was grateful to know everyone seemed to survive unscathed from the looks of things and the fact that there were no briefings in his email, there was a sinking feeling that he wouldn't be getting in the quiet run he'd been hoping for.
Thor benches a few more rounds before he notices Tony, though when he does, he immediately finishes the last rep and settles the bar back into place so he can sit up.
“Stark!" he bellows, wiping his palms on his thighs as he stands. "Good to see you! How is Pepper and the little one?"
"They're both good," he replies. "Pep didn't tell me you guys were back."
“We arrived earlier than Rogers had estimated and just finished debriefing Fury a short while ago. You look... perplexed. Is everything okay, Stark?”
Tony takes in a sharp breath and looks around the room, taking care to avoid any unnecessary eye contact with Thor before scrubbing a hand over his face.
“I’m processing,” he says slowly, bringing his water bottle to his mouth and pulling the stopper open with his teeth, using it as an excuse to not elaborate on what he means.
“Processing...?"
Tony is quiet for several long moments. He doesn't usually get vocal about these kinds of things with his fellow Avengers. Discussing it with Pepper, sure; if it wasn't for her listening to him fret around and telling him to breathe, that things will be fine, he would've went crazy much earlier in her pregnancy—once the newness wore off and the very sudden realization that he would be responsible for a tiny human being hit him.
“You know how Pep likes to drag me to these various baby classes... today was our last day for the Lamaze class she’d signed us up for and it uh, it was eye opening to say the least.”
“Lamaze? Is that the breathing one with the videos? Jane made me go to all kinds of classes with her. Very interesting.”
Tony looks up and over at Thor, surprised that he’s familiar with such a practice. He imagines Jane explained it and the benefits of the class to him and he happily attended with her because Thor is very unlike Tony when it comes to winging things.
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
“Ah, yes. I remember those days quite vividly, especially the final class. I believe Jane was the one to recommend the specific class she and I attended to Miss Potts.”
This information comes as no surprise to Tony, but he figures if it was helpful for Thor who had less than stellar parenting as well, it would be a benefit to him as well. Last time he’d checked, Howard never made “Father of the Year,” so Tony could use all the help he could get, even if it was in the form of annoying baby classes and an Asgardian god giving him tips.
“It wasn’t an awful class, I guess. Pepper probably could’ve strangled me a few times during it, but I made it out alive.”
“So what has you wound so tightly today, Stark?” Thor asks thoughtfully as Tony sits down on the edge of a nearby treadmill.
It’s hard to put into words what Tony wants to say. The feelings are there, and so are the words, but he’s not sure how to make sense of them and put them in a way Thor can make sense of. He pinches the bridge or his nose between his thumb and index finger as he lets out a slow breath.
“Just everything?” He says finally, though it comes out more like a question because even Tony isn’t sure if that’s the right answer. “Obviously I know Pepper and I are having a baby. I’ve felt her kick and have heard her heartbeat and seen her scrunched little face on a 3D ultrasound. Hell, I carry a copy of that photo in my wallet. I know she’s there, growing a little more each day, and I'm excited for her to be here, don't get me wrong, but it wasn’t until this class today that made it all seem real, you know? Honestly, I think it was the birthing videos that got to me. They put things in perspective.”
Thor is chucking and for a moment Tony wonders why he even bothers opening up. To himself, he sounds ridiculous, becoming anxious over something hundreds of thousands of people do every day—parent their children. Pepper would tell him that it’s healthy to talk to people, but he’s yet to be convinced that it’s not just a bunch of shit.
“Look,” Thor begins, standing up to move next to Tony. “It’s getting real now, I understand how you’re feeling. Before you know it, you’ll be in a labor room—which let me tell you, isn’t much fun—and then it’s off to delivery and suddenly you have this small child to look after for the rest of her life. It’s an intense process, not just for Pepper, but for you as well. And I’m telling you, you can watch as many videos as you can get your hands on and you can learn as many breathing techniques that you want, but Pepper is still going to hate you and you’re going to just have to take it.”
Tony’s brows furrow at this.
“What do you mean she’s going to hate me?”
“You’ve seen the videos! Birth is a painful experience, or so Jane’s said. I don’t know, really, this is just what she's told me. All I do know is she yelled at me a lot and cried between short little naps. She was very grouchy while she was in labor and delivered a few low blows at my expense whenever she felt a rather nasty contraction-thing come on. She blamed me, mostly. You know, for putting her in such a situation. But the moment she had James lying on her chest, she didn't hate me anymore. In fact, she cried and apologized for her behavior for nearly fifteen minutes."
“Of course I know labor and delivery is going to be painful for Pepper—,”
“—and your hand if she holds it—,” Thor interjects.
“—but she’s good at pain management. Besides, she has those breathing techniques down better than our instructor.”
"You'd be surprised at how much pain having a baby causes. If she says she wants an epidural, make sure she gets one. You'll thank me later. And be sure to keep plenty of ice chips handy. Pregnant women love ice chips. Really though, you’re going to be fine, Stark. You always take such good care of Pepper. She’s lucky to have you with her. Just make sure she’s comfortable and has everything she needs or wants. Jane liked it if I rubbed her back while she tried to sleep. Try that if you’d like.”
There’s a thoughtful look on Tony’s face as he gives Thor a smile. “I feel like I should be writing all of this down so I don't forget any of this. Got anymore tips for me, Point Break? I can use all the help I can get.”
A loud, rumbling laugh emits from Thor's throat as he shakes his head. “Ah, Stark, you are quite the character. You Midgardians love to take and share photos, I’ve come to realize. And it would be a lie if I said I had not also grown accustomed to photography and the memories photos hold. So I say take plenty of photos. And do the breathing exercises with Miss Potts even if you feel ridiculous. I will tell you, however, I was not prepared at all for the actual birth of my son. It was loud and bright and there were so many people there to help assist, though I would not be surprised if some snuck in because of who Jane and I are... but they were all very professional. It was a very emotional time for Jane and I but it was so cool getting to experience such a thing. And when they finally had him cleaned up and swaddled tightly in a blanket, they put this small human in my arms and it was the best feeling in the entire world. I've never experienced anything quite like it”
“This sounds like a very emotional experience that will have me screwed up for days, I'll probably need therapy. How the hell do you process all of this? You can’t tell me becoming a father wasn’t terrifying. I’m already worried enough as it is, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like once she’s actually here.”
Thor looks thoughtful for a moment and nods in agreement, clapping Tony on the shoulder. “It is a scary thing, becoming a father. You will want to make sure everything is perfect, that you are perfect and that you do everything perfect. The best advice I can give you once your daughter makes her grand entrance is to not be afraid of making mistakes because you will. You just have to have enough faith in yourself that you can and will fix them. It is a learning experience, one that never ends. James teaches me new things each day, especially about myself."
“Right,” Tony scoffs. There’s a bitter taste in his mouth and he can feel everything he hates growing up with Howard as a father clawing its way up his throat, threatening to suffocate him. Even though he's gone over this with Pepper time and time again where she promises him he'll be better than Howard ever could be, he wonders how in the hell he won't end up just like his father, angry and consumed with creating things that are bigger and better, wonders if he'll end up just like Howard, pushing his legacy on his daughter even if she doesn't want it.
It doesn't happen often, but there are times where an all consuming feeling comes over Tony and he questions whether or not he's meant to be a father, if he's meant to actually be this happy. He's already tempted fate too many times by securing Pepper in his life, even after all of the rough patches where she nearly slipped away. It's hard to imagine a universe that already likes to see him fall, giving him two of the most important things he can't live without.
Thor regards Tony thoughtfully for several moments as he considers what to say next. The pain and uncertainty is clear in Tony's eyes, the look something Thor is all too familiar with himself. He's been here, in this exact same position, wondering and debating on whether or not he was wired to be a father or if his paternal instincts were just as faulty as his late father's, may the gods rest his soul.
"You may think you will end up like your father, but you won't," he says, not giving Tony enough time to interject. "You love Pepper and she loves you and the both of you have been nothing short of ecstatic at the prospect of becoming parents. We've all watched you turn into this new version of yourself over these last few months, a version of yourself who is more kind and thoughtful than ever before. I do not remember the last time I saw you reading something other than a parenting book, you take Pepper to all of her appointments, and you make sure to always show off new ultrasound pictures whenever you get the chance. You will be a spectacular father, I have no doubt."
Thor pauses and rests his hand back on Tony's shoulder before giving it a little squeeze.
“You are part Howard, yes, but you are also part Maria. Take the good parts of both of them and become the best father you can be. It will be hard learning to navigate becoming a parent, but I have much faith in you, Stark. As do the rest of us. We will do all that we can for you and Pepper. Just be sure to take time and enjoy these last few weeks because once that little miracle of yours arrives, your world will be forever changed."
"She is a miracle, isn't she? Now all I have to do is work on making another miracle happen."
"Oh? And what might that be, if you don't mind me asking?" Thor says, raising a brow in curiosity.
There’s a grin on Tony’s face that wasn’t there just moments before, an expression nearly bursting with excitement and giddiness. “Making an honest woman out of Pepper. You know, if she’ll have me.”