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"What are you doing?" Deku asked, shifting away from Kacchan as the other boy tried to get closer.
"I'm - I was - nevermind," Kacchan said, looking away and scooching back to his original placement. Fuck. He never backed down from this kind of stuff. But he was nervous. Real nervous. He'd slept in the same bed with Deku before, as kids and as teenagers. But that was because it was easier to share a bed or to help with nightmares, not . . . this.
They'd been dating a week. All displays of affection felt extremely important and personal. Everyone probably knew they were dating, most of them probably thought so before they even really were, but it still felt like a big deal. Getting a little closer on the couch or holding hands felt like it had a lot more weight.
They hadn't kissed yet. Deku had suggested they sleep in the same bed; he said he'd been struggling with nightmares again and having Kacchan there always helped. Now that they were there, though, it seemed neither could sleep. Kacchan couldn't figure out if that was what Deku wanted or if they were here to do something of an intimate variety. If Deku did want that, it would just be a kiss, wouldn't it? Or two, maybe. God, Kacchan was nervous. If it was anything more than that, with the way his hands were sweating, he swore he'd explode the bed.
He didn't know how he would explain that.
"It's hot in here," Kacchan muttered, pulling the blankets off the top half of his body.
Deku practically giggled, which was . . . Okay, Deku certainly laughed and smiled and had a generally cheerful demeanour, but Kacchan was positive he hadn't heard a giggle out of this guy since they were kids. Did he even giggle when they were kids? He was putting a lot more thought into this than he should have been, wasn't he? "You're always hot. You're lucky to be so hot-natured with the way your quirk works, if you were more prone to cold you might not have been apt to become a hero since it'd be so hard to use it. Maybe you could still do it, if you always wore lots of layers or something. That'd be kind of bad for other practical purposes, though, so it might cancel itself out. Wait, maybe not, there's a lot of people that have thick hero costumes that seem to be doing fine with it. Pretend I didn't say that."
"I don't even know what you're ranting about. You started muttering; I can barely hear you."
"Guess that works in my favor this time. Is there something on my face?"
Kacchan looked away, cheeks burning. "No, you're fine." He didn't know what was worse: that Deku seemed to genuinely not know what he was trying to do or that Kacchan was struggling so much with it. Other people just kissed, didn't they? Some people started dating by kissing. Some people even kissed without dating. Why was this such a big deal. Why was he letting it be such a big deal. He could fight villains and insult his fellow students and show off with no problem, but he was turning into a nervous mess by a kiss. He wouldn't believe it if it wasn't happening to him right now.
This was a terrible idea. He should just leave or something. Deku had started talking about something else again. Kacchan had no idea what the topic was, even though he was listening and trying to figure it out now.
If Deku was really having nightmares he couldn't leave. That would be the shittiest thing he could do, as a boyfriend and even pre-boyfriend as a friend and cuddle partner. It was a level of shitty he had not been on, ever, as Deku had never asked at a point when Kacchan would have said no. It didn't seem like he was helping much now, if they couldn't sleep then there was no nightmares to worry about, but they'd get even less sleep than with the nightmares.
They probably weren't sleeping because Kacchan couldn't relax and it was affecting Deku as well. It was so stupid. They'd slept in the same bed how many times before? And far closer together. This was nothing. He shouldn't have even blinked over this.
"Are you okay?" Deku's voice suddenly burst through Kacchan's thoughts and he realized he must have said it multiple times with the look he was getting. He was just making it worse. There was no returning from the hole he'd dug himself.
"I'm fine."
Deku looked like he didn't really believe him, but he hmmed his acknowledgement and curled into the covers. He was quiet. Probably trying harder to go to sleep and not talk.
Kacchan saw the opportunity and it wasn't going to slide past him. Deku wasn't facing him outright, but turned towards him a little. He didn't move this time when the other edged forward. That could only mean good things. He leaned forward, closing his eyes, hoping he'd aligned their mouths right. He felt his nose brush against Deku's, then it was gone and he heard the harsh sound of laughter.
Kacchan pushed himself up and away, opening his eyes and staring at Deku in horror for a few terrible, terrible seconds before he realized that was Deku's nervous laugh. Thank fuck he knew what that sounded like. It didn't feel great, but it was far better than the feeling he'd have if he thought it was a genuine laugh.
"I'm sorry," Deku said after quietening down. "I'm just - I'm kind of scared, I guess. I'm sorry."
Kacchan breathed out a sigh and laid himself back down. "It's okay. I'm scared, too. I should have done it different."
"I think I'd have done that no matter how you did it. I'm very nervous. I really did just mean for us to sleep, you know. Not that I'm opposed! Just that, it seems like it's going to be an ordeal, and we have school tomorrow."
"Thank Christ," Kacchan muttered, and both boys relaxed for the first time since they entered the room. "It's hard to stay all worked up like that."
"I really didn't think you would take it that way," Deku admitted.
"But that's what people do, isn't it? They kiss and stuff like it's nothing. We're big boys. Shouldn't be a big deal. It's kind of silly."
"I don't think it's silly. If we think it's a big deal, then it is a big deal. We're the only ones here."
"I guess . . . I guess that makes sense. It still feels silly, though."
"That's just because you're embarrassed," Deku said. Kacchan gently hit his hand against his arm, because it was true, but he didn't have to just say it like that.
They managed to fall asleep not long after, which definitely had a lot to do with the fact that they weren't talking to each other and were actually trying to sleep. At least they were only a little tired when the next day came around.