Work Text:
When the clock on her console struck 1800 hours, Kira immediately glanced towards the Captain’s office: the door was still closed. She silently thanked the Prophets.
She had crossed the room and was almost at the turbolift when the dreaded, cloying voice came from across Ops. She stopped in her tracks.
“Major, I was hoping I could speak with you.”
Kira clenched her fists and turned, drawing strength for the fact that, even with Ops deserted, Dukat wouldn’t dare pushing her boundaries too much when there was only a door between him and the Captain.
“What is it that you want, Dukat?”
His smile made her skin crawl even as he walked across Ops. “Such hostility. I was only hoping to talk about borrowing one of your engineers for a minor repair on my ship.”
“Fine, but make it brief. I am expected elsewhere.”
“Oh? And what could be so important to be such in a hurry?” Dukat asked, obviously convinced that he was doing Kira a favor by allowing her to be in his presence.
Kira restrained a smile, knowing exactly how to knock that smug look off Dukat’s face. “A date with Commander Dax, if you must know. And I really don’t want to be late.”
Kira savored the next few second of dumbstruck silence like she had single-handedly carried out a successful raid against a Cardassian outpost.
Jadzia laughed until the were tears in her eyes when Kira told her about the whole scene, which was just as rewarding. Kira couldn’t stop smiling herself; she had only needed to leave out the detail that it was just one of their weekly visits to the holosuites.
“I wish I’d been there,” Jadzia said while running up the spiral staircase in Quark’s, “Dukat remaining speechless happens with the same frequency as—astronomical phenomenons.”
“Unfortunately I didn’t shut him up for long, he made sure to be as long-winded as usual,” Kira retorted from below her.
“Another reason I’m sorry I missed it. Maybe if I had been there to glare at him he would’ve let you go sooner.”
“Dukat, caring about something beside himself? I doubt it. And I’m sorry I was so late.”
Jadzia turned towards her, flashing a grin. “You’ve already apologized enough! Let’s get going before we run out of time.”
Kira returned the smile, though she could only wonder what Jadzia had cooked up this time — their visits to the holosuites had had mixed results until now. But as much as Jadzia never seemed to run out of ideas or holosuite programs, Kira was always willing to try one more time.
“Got stood up, Major?”
Kira didn’t bother hiding the eye-roll as Quark approached her in the bar. “Like you don’t know Jadzia and I use the holosuite on the same day, at the same time every week.” Kira had been waiting for her on an uncomfortable barstool for more than half an hour, and she was even less inclined to listen to Quark than her usual.
“Little aggressive, are we?” Quark shook his head, then leaned in over the counter. “Trouble in paradise?”
“Oh shut up, Quark.”
Quark shrugged, resuming to clean glasses with a rag. “The turbolifts have been acting up all day. Maybe Jadzia is stuck in the habitat ring.”
Kira stared at the Ferengi in front of her. “Isn’t there a Rule of Acquisition against volunteering information for free?”
“More than one actually, but consider this a gesture of goodwill.”
“I’m not about to put a good word for you with Odo any time soon, you know.”
“Odo?” Quark let out a half-laugh. “Who’s talking about Odo? This is about Jadzia.”
“Jadzia?”
“Despite what you might think, Major,” he said, pointing at her with the rag, “I care about her wellbeing.”
“Does she owe you that much money?” Kira deadpanned, but before Quark could reply with another outrageous claim the subject of their discussion appeared at the entrance of the bar.
Jadzia was a sight to behold, a far cry from her usual collected self. Her hair was on her face, having escaped from her hairclip almost entirely; her uniform was grimy and there was a large tear on the left sleeve. She was also out breath, like she had run to get to the Promenade.
“What happened to you?” Kira said, getting up from her stool to meet Jadzia halfway across the bar.
Jadzia managed a smile despite her state. “I crawled into a lot of conduits.”
Kira guided her onto the stool she had been sitting in before Jadzia’s arrival, and Quark silently provided a glass of something chilled, which Jadzia downed in a just few gulps.
“That bad, uh,” he commented.
Jadzia nodded. “I didn’t know how long the turbolifts were going to remain stuck, and I didn’t want to risk losing all our holosuite time. But I think I overestimated how well I know the station. It’s a labyrinth down there, and some of those conduits are filthy,” she said, emphasizing the adjective. As though compensating for the thought, she unclipped her hair and started to tidy them up with her hands.
“If you want, we can go anti-grav sailing another time—”
Jadzia turned to look at Kira, and her half-smile was somehow even brighter with her hair down. “After I went to all this trouble to get here? I’d rather go if you don’t mind. I will be as good as new after breathing some fresh air.”
Kira’s usual remark about the holosuites being a pale imitation of reality died on her tongue as Jadzia proceeded to tie her hair back, still looking at her with a smirk. Kira blinked, scrambling to remember what she was supposed to say, then gave a nod. Jadzia got up, apparently recovered, and offered Kira a hand.
“Shall we?”
From behind her, Quark was shaking his head. Kira took Jadzia’s hand, and from there any thought she had about his strange behavior was relegated to the back of her mind.
“This morning Julian told me something strange,” Jadzia began, breaking the comfortable silence they’d been sharing for the last few minutes.
“When doesn’t he say strange stuff,” Kira commented, eliciting a laugh and a light shove from Jadzia.
They were laying side by side on the planks of their little anti-grav boat, taking a break from sailing. There was nothing to do except observing the fake birds flying on the fake sky, but despite Kira’s usual reservations it was kind of soothing. She couldn’t bring herself to mind being here.
“What did Julian say?” Kira asked, to keep the conversation going.
“I went to meet him at the replimat as usual, but he was just speaking in monosyllables and he had this long face. So I asked him what was wrong.”
“And?”
“And he tells me, ‘Jadzia, do you trust me?’ and when I said yes, of course, he replied ‘then why didn’t you tell me’.”
Kira turned her head to look at Jadzia. “Tell him what?”
Jadzia sighed, then closed her eyes. “I haven’t the faintest idea. He wouldn’t tell me what he meant even after I nagged him all morning, like I had offended him somehow. But I really have no idea what could’ve brought this about.”
“Are you sure you didn’t prank him recently?”
Jadzia looked at her with skepticism. “I’m sure, and besides it was just one time. He made me promise to never lock him out of his quarters again.”
Kira chuckled. It was difficult to forget Julian marching into Ops, in that bulky Viking outfit of his, demanding an explanation.
Jadzia’s amusement didn’t last, however. “Between this and having to crawl all the way to Quark’s, I can’t say it’s been a very good day.”
Kira rolled on her side and propped herself up on her elbow. Jadzia’s face was lined with worry, and her eyes were unfocused. She hesitated for a split second, then reached out to squeeze Jadzia’s shoulder.
“I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”
“I hope you’re right,” Jadzia replied, finally meeting her gaze.
Kira smiled. “Shall we get back to the coast before our holosuite time is over?
Jadzia nodded, smiling in turn.
Kira could tell that something was off as soon as she entered Odo’s office. For one thing, Odo was standing with his arms crossed beside the bulkhead separating the office from the holding cells; secondly, he had clearly seen her come in, but he had made no effort to acknowledge her besides nodding curtly.
The criminal activity review was going to be a fun affair.
“Odo, are you alright?” Kira asked, when the silence stretched on for too long.
He sighed, then sat down behind his desk. Kira copied his movements.
“Here is this week’s report,” Odo grunted, handing her out a PADD.
Kira kept looking at him as she took it, her mouth setting in a thin line. The list on the PADD was very short: she wouldn’t find the cause of Odo’s crabbiness there.
“That’s three charges of theft and four of disorderly conduct. It’s been a quiet week.”
“I suppose the turbolifts malfunctions have kept people from moving around the station too much. Trying to maintain order while the repairs were being conducted has been the biggest challenge.”
“I can imagine. I trust the additional Starfleet personnel I sent you has been helpful?”
“It was satisfactory.”
Kira resisted the urge to toss the PADD on Odo’s desk and demand an explanation, instead carefully laid it on the surface in between them. “Odo, if you have any complaints I’d like to know.”
“I don’t have any complaints, Major.”
“But?”
“But what?”
“You’re in a bad mood, and I’d like to know why,” Kira insisted.
Odo leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. “That’s not part of the criminal activity review.”
“It isn’t, but Odo,” Kira continued, biting back on her exasperation. “That’s what friends do. I thought we agreed on that?” When he didn’t answer, Kira continued, “Please don’t make me beg you for an answer.”
Odo stared at her a little longer, then diverted his eyes and sighed again. “There’s a rumor going around the station. About you.”
“Oh? What kind of rumor?”
“The kind of humanoid rumor I understand the least. Even more annoyingly, I can’t tell if there’s some truth in it.”
“If you tell me, maybe I can clarify it for you.”
Odo leaned on the desk with his forearms, giving her a look he usually reserved for convicted felons. “People are saying that you and Commander Dax are in a romantic relationship.”
“What,” Kira said, blood rushing up to her cheeks and ears. “That’s not—”
Odo smirked, but only briefly. “I see,” he said simply, then leaned back on the chair.
“Odo, please listen to me. That’s just not true,” Kira exclaimed. “Jadzia and I—” she wanted to say that there was nothing between them, but that was not precisely true, either. Considering Kira and Odo’s history, lying wasn’t something Kira could approach lightly.
“Yes?”
Kira hung her head. “I can’t talk about it,” she settled on saying.
“I was right then. There is some truth in that rumor.”
“Would you believe me if I said that it’s a lot more complicated than that?”
“Rumors are rarely accurate. Anyway, since everyone is already convinced that the station’s Science and First Officer are dating, the actual reality between you and Commander Dax is only secondary in their point of view.”
“But at least you know better now.”
“I suppose I do,” Odo grunted. He stared at her for a long time, not unkindly, before speaking again. “I appreciate your honesty. And whatever you’re going through with Dax, I — wish you good luck, Nerys.”
Kira smiled, grateful for Odo’s understanding. If the situation was really as Odo described it, and she had no reason to doubt his word, then she’d have to pay a visit to Jadzia later. For that, Kira would need all the luck she could find on this side of the Celestial Temple.
“Are you aware that the entire station is convinced that we’re in a relationship?” Kira asked upon hearing the doors of Jadzia’s quarters close behind her.
Jadzia was standing close to the porthole, hands tied behind her back. Kira’s question didn’t make her laugh, as Kira had half-expected.
“I am,” she replied.
Kira joined Jadzia beside the porthole. “You knew?” she asked incredulously.
“No, not really, not until this morning anyway. Though it does explain Julian’s behavior.”
“Did something happen this morning?”
Jadzia looked at her for a moment, before returning her attention to the stars outside. “Benjamin gave me the ‘you should think carefully before dating your direct superior’ speech. All very hypothetical, of course, but he must’ve been convinced that I needed to hear it.”
“Oh.” Kira’s mind was blank. “What did you tell him?”
Jadzia closed her eyes and sighed. “I told him what he wanted to hear, that I’d be careful if I found myself in that situation. That I would consider all repercussions, and be discreet. And,” she added, a small, mirthless smile appearing on her lips, “that it wouldn’t be the first time for me anyway.”
“I— I can’t even imagine where everyone got this idea,” Kira blurted out.
Jadzia stared at her for a long time before speaking; her eyes were as hard as gemstones under the grey neon lights of her living quarters. “I think I do. And that you know why as well.”
Kira held her breath. The stars out of the porthole continued on their apparent motion as the station spun on its axis, but time ceased to have any meaning in the space in between her and Jadzia.
“You said you’d rather not talk about what happened at the party,” Jadzia whispered beside her, “but I think that maybe now we should.”
Kira crossed her arms on her chest. There was some lint on the floor, near the sole of her left boot.
“What do you want me to say,” she began, eyes fluttering closed, “that I’m fine with it? Because I’m not.”
“Nerys.” Kira could hardly ignore the pull of her given name, and lifted her eyes to meet Jadzia’s gaze. Her face was clouded, the same expression she had had that day a few weeks before, when Kira had asked Jadzia to not mention the incident again. It had only been there for a moment, and then Jadzia had been back to her usual self; this time was different.
Jadzia continued, voice little more than a murmur. “I realize that it wasn’t the best of circumstances—”
“We were drunk, Jadzia,” Kira interrupted her, shame burning in her chest. “You’re right, people might have seen us then, but I can’t even remember that. All I know is that we just weren’t thinking.”
Jadzia flinched. “I know,” she said, eyes downcast. “And I’m not proud of it either.” She sighed, and squared her shoulder. “But I meant to say that even before we made out that night I thought something was changing between us, and I — I didn’t just let it happen. I wanted it to happen. I was trying to let you know, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if other people had noticed that.”
For a moment, it was like Kira’s insides had disappeared only to leave a gaping hole inside her chest. She had tried not to think again about the weeks following Jadzia’s zhian’tara; the eye-contact sustained for a moment too long, hands lingering on shoulders when not strictly necessary. The anticipation making Kira lightheaded as she had entered Quark’s bar in time for the party that Julian and Jadzia had thrown to celebrate their promotions.
That night was just blur in her mind, except for a single, crystal clear moment. When she had bumped into Jadzia into a secluded corner on the upper level of the bar, and they were standing so close that Kira could count the spots on Jadzia’s collarbones, left exposed by her purple dress. And then Kira was tasting the black hole on Jadzia’s lips, impossibly sweet in her memory, and her hands were tangled in Jadzia’s hair and she couldn’t tell anymore where Nerys ended and Jadzia began, head swimming for the alcohol and elation mixed in her blood.
And then, back in her quarters, all of it coming crashing down on her.
Kira leaned with her back against the bulkhead in Jadzia’s quarters, and let herself slid down on it until she was sitting on the floor. After a moment, she heard Jadzia joining her there.
“You only need to tell me that you think that it’s a mistake, the two of us together, and I won’t talk about this anymore.”
Jadzia’s eyes were pleading, but her mouth was set in a serious line, full of determination: Kira knew then that she would honor that promise at all costs, like the heroes in one of the poems they used to recite during the stolen school hours in the camp. Although the image of Jadzia dressed in ancient Bajoran garb was kind of compelling, Kira couldn’t bear the idea of throwing away this unnamed connection between them.
Kira brought her legs up to her chest, stubbornly looking at the floor in front of her. “I— don’t think it’s a mistake,” she murmured, then added quickly, “but it’s not simple, either.” Kira paused, struggling to find the right words. “That night after I went back to my quarters I saw the duranja candle that I kept for Antos. It was almost like being in an Orb experience, suddenly there was nothing else in the room; and as I stood there it was reminding me, even if it was unlit, that it hadn’t been that long since Antos was still alive. And despite that I had just returned half-drunk, after making out with you in a dark corner.”
Jadzia’s tentative hand on her shoulder shook her loose from the recollection, like she had been hit with a small electric discharge, and Kira turned towards her.
“I’m sorry,” Jadzia said, her voice gentle. “I hadn’t realized you felt that way.”
Kira shook her head. “I was too ashamed to admit it,” she replied. “Especially because I told you that I was done with mourning.”
“There’s nothing wrong in realizing that you need more time. I know you loved Bareil.”
“I did,” Kira closed her eyes. “Even if it hadn’t been the same between us, after the Kai’s election.”
The tears that had been burning behind her eyelids spilled over, and Kira was powerless to stop a sob from escaping her lips. It was almost like being back in the infirmary that terrible day, when no one had listened to her. Since then she had borne the weight of that loss alone, as she always did.
This time, however, a pair of strong arms enveloped her gently, and Kira leaned into Jadzia’s embrace, still crying.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled eventually.
Jadzia held her tighter. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Kira sniffed, then spoke softly without moving from the comfortable spot on Jadzia’s shoulder. “I don’t know how you do it.”
“Do what?” Jadzia asked, a small smile playing on her lips.
“Wring all this — out of me.”
“I don’t think I did a good job at all this time. I had no idea what you were going through before now.”
Kira let out a watery laugh. “It must’ve been very confusing.”
“I was beginning to wonder if I had gotten so bad at kissing that I made you ran away in horror.”
Kira laughed in earnest then, and Jadzia joined her. Kira wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, then leaned back to sit upright; Jadzia offered no resistance, simply letting her go. Jadzia just watched her calmly, no expectations to be found in her clear eyes.
“You’re not bad at kissing at all,” Kira murmured finally.
Jadzia smirked. “I’m glad to hear you’ve enjoyed yourself.”
Kira smiled again, but only for a moment. There was still something else she needed to say. She took Jadzia’s hands in her own. “Jadzia, maybe you’re right and we’ve been — less subtle than we thought, and that’s why everyone is convinced that we’re already dating.” She paused, and raised her gaze to meet Jadzia’s. “I wanted it to happen too, back then. And I do want to make it a reality. But,” she continued, her voice wavering, “I can’t rush into this, no matter how much part of me wants to.”
With a fluid movement, Jadzia intertwined her fingers with Kira’s. “We can be as slow as we like,” she uttered in a husky tone, eyes dancing.
“And no more alcohol when we’re together,” Kira added, trying to keep her voice stern.
Jadzia’s smile only got bigger. “You won’t get any objections from me. I’d like to be able to remember better the next time I make out with you.”
“Are you saying the first time was unmemorable?” Kira asked with an eyebrow raised.
“On the contrary,” Jadzia replied, a look on her face that made Kira’s heart skip a beat. “I’ve been thinking about little else for weeks.”
Kira’s blush was answer enough to that.
“So — we have an understanding?” Kira asked, hesitantly.
Jadzia nodded. “Just tell me what would you be comfortable doing.”
“How about an actual date, for starters,” she replied after moment. “Not in the holosuite,” she rushed to point out, making Jadzia laugh.
“Sounds great to me,” Jadzia replied, still smiling, and squeezed Kira’s hand lightly.
Jadzia was telling her about Lela Dax meeting a Vulcan for the first time when Chief O’Brien, glass of ale in hand, approached their table in Quark’s.
“Major, Commander. I’m sorry to interrupt, but have you seen Julian?”
“I don’t think he’s arrived yet, Chief,” Jadzia replied. “Is he late for your dart game?”
O’Brien sighed. “He’s probably just been held up in the infirmary. I’ll wait.”
Jadzia shot a look at Kira, who only smiled, then addressed the Chief again. “You could join us while Julian gets here.”
“No no,” O’Brien gestured with a hand, “I wouldn’t want to intrude.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “Actually, Commander, I owe you an apology. I was the one who told Julian about you and Major Kira. I thought he already knew but he didn’t and, well. I know he was disappointed. I’m really sorry about this.”
Kira and Jadzia exchanged an incredulous look.
“It’s okay, Julian and I have talked things over,” Jadzia replied, clearly biting back her mirth.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“But Chief,” Kira couldn’t stop herself from asking, “How did you know that Jadzia and I were dating?”
O’Brien gave her a look, eyebrows raised, before answering. “Well I thought it was pretty obvious. And after you told Dukat that you had a date with the Commander I just put two and two together.”
“When I told Dukat — oh no,” Kira exclaimed, hiding her face in her hands. “Please tell me I’m dreaming.”
Jadzia laughed then, and when Kira had the courage to open her eyes again she found O’Brien looking between them, completely dumbfounded by their reactions.
“Chief, I thought there was no one else in Ops that evening,” she explained.
“I was repairing a relay under the main engineering station, I thought you’d seen me.” He paused. “I wasn’t supposed to hear that, was I?”
“Not really,” Kira said through her teeth.
“You were trying to get Dukat off your back. Of course. I’m really sorry, Major.” He sighed. “I was just — you know, we were all wondering. About you two. I guess I got a little ahead of myself.”
“It’s okay.” Kira smiled despite herself and then, keeping her eyes on Jadzia, she added: “It all turned out fine in the end.”
When the Chief left them a few minutes later, a very apologetic Bashir in tow, Kira covered her face with her hands again.
“I can’t believe it was Chief O’Brien to start the rumor, of all people!” she groaned.
Jadzia let out a snicker. “He isn’t generally the gossiping type,” she commented with an eyebrow raised. “But that’s probably why everyone else just took his word as the truth.”
“And— it was all because of Dukat! This is my worst nightmare,” Kira continued, curling her fingers into fists on the surface of the table.
“Well, it got us to talk,” Jadzia observed, then took a sip from her tarkalean tea.
“That’s even worse. I don’t want to think that I owe him something, especially not if it’s about — us.”
Jadzia reached out to cover Kira’s hand with her own. “We don’t owe him anything. I’m sure we would have found another opportunity to clear things out anyway. I’m just glad we did sooner rather than later, that’s all.”
Kira turned her hand palm-side up, intertwining her fingers with Jadzia’s. “I’m glad too.”
Perhaps what had brought them together was only a series of lucky coincidences, but the weight of Jadzia’s hand in her own was enough to reassure Kira that what they had couldn’t be more real.
“We were talking about Lela meeting this Vulcan woman,” Kira said.
Jadzia grinned, and resumed her tale.