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At the third heavy sigh Serizawa looked up from his schoolwork, instinct to comfort Reigen warring with the knowledge that he was held captive by the financial paperwork in front of him and had explained that he just needed to work through it right now. It had been hard enough to convince him to bring it home; he'd still be in the office if not for Serizawa all but dragging him to the train. He could tell Reigen was upset about something, he'd barely been able to finish dinner and was now bouncing one knee with a pencil between his teeth and both hands fisted in his hair. It was strangely heartwarming to see this side of him, no attempts at hiding behind a mask, dressed in his oversized clothes and sitting across from him at the kitchen table. At work he was professional, everything in place behind the armor of his suit and even when he'd been living out of the office the cracks hadn't really started to show until he’d made himself sick. It was a small mark of trust that Reigen allowed Serizawa to see this part of him, messy and undone and imperfect.
Achingly human.
The esper glanced up from his own work to take a look at the papers Reigen was scribbling on. There were lines and lines of numbers and accounts, a lot of crossed out calculations with other numerals written in his loose scrawl around them. It didn't look like he was getting to where he wanted to be and the next noise he made was a low groan, punctuated with a violent crossing out of the whole page. He was rubbing his eyes, obviously tired, but unwilling to let whatever this was go.
“What's wrong?”
“It's nothing, I just.” He sighed, heavy, blinking hard. “I just need to figure this out, it's important.”
“Maybe I can help.”
“No, no I’ve got it.” He yawned, caught off guard by it, and Serizawa tried a different tack.
“Why don't we go to bed?” Reaching over the table he cupped Reigen’s face, running a thumb over the bone of his cheek. “It's been a long day, and it's late.” One pale hand covered his own, squeezing gently as he pulled it away to slot their fingers together.
“You go, I’ll be in soon, after I’ve figured this out.” Standing, he leaned over the table and pressed a kiss to Serizawa’s lips, smiling when they broke apart and settled his forehead against his own.
“I’ll hold you too that.” Another sweet kiss.
“I know.”
A loud thunk woke Serizawa some indefinite amount of time later and he blearily reached out beside him only to encounter cold sheets. When he could focus long enough to see the clock he cursed, it was almost four in the morning and he jumped up, hurrying to the kitchen in time to catch Reigen rubbing the side of his temple. Serizawa could make out a red mark, just beginning to swell.
“What happened?” Gentle fingers tilted his chin to further examine the bump and Reigen batted his hands away as he mumbled.
“It's fine, I fell asleep.” He looked awful, skin paperwhite and so, so tired. Serizawa wanted nothing more than to fold him in his arms and carry him to bed but instead sat beside him, frowning when Reigen shrugged out of his attempt to embrace him.
“Can you at least tell me what has you so upset?” Varied emotions flickered over his face faster than Serizawa could interpret as he stared down at the stack of paper he'd accumulated, each one filled with different numbers. “Please,” he didn't try to touch him again, he could tell the man was strung tight as a bow string, but shifted closer. “Maybe I can help.” Reigen swallowed, eyes lined with shadow darting back and forth over the calculations.
“No matter what I move around or do,” he whispered, tugging at his hair with both hands, more distraught than Serizawa had ever seen before and he forced himself to wait patiently, to give Reigen the time he needed to put together what he didn't want to say. “I, I can't pay you your full wage this month.” Frantic, he looked up at Serizawa, eyes wide and fearfully hollow in his gaunt face. “I’m sorry.” It dawned on Serizawa then and he couldn’t believe he hadn’t connected it all together before.
“You’ve been paying me, all this time, but not yourself.” Reigen hugged his body, looking away, down at the mess in front of him.
“It’s my responsibility as your employer.” Serizawa turned his face back, gently, giving him an option, but he didn't pull away this time.
“You were starving.” Whispered, horrified, heart skipping a beat as he remembered the dizzy spells, how thin the man had been when he finally brought him home, how he couldn't eat a full meal without making himself sick. Even now, he was only starting to regain what he'd lost. All the signs had been there, he’d just been too blind to see them.
God, how could he have missed this?
“It wasn’t that bad.” Firmly, hands frantically joining the fray as he drew away. The open vulnerability was gone, that familiar mask back in place and Serizawa hated it, answering back just as strongly.
“You should have told me.”
“I didn’t want to worry you.” He stood, trying to make space between them, forcing a distance Serizawa wasn't going to accept. “I was handling it.” He followed, he wouldn't try to touch him, not until Reigen gave him permission, but he wasn't leaving him alone, never again. The man gestured weakly, frustrated, but stopped, facing him with a challenge written in his glare.
“I would have understood.”
“It wasn't your job to understand.” It was flippant and aimed to hurt but Serizawa didn't rise to his bait, he wouldn't let Reigen manipulate this by falling so easily into reacting to his lashing out. Again he forced himself to keep his hands down at his sides even when everything in him screamed to reach out.
“I would have been able to help.”
“I didn’t want it!” Reigen turned from him, hands quiet and still as he pressed the heels of both palms to his forehead, breathing: “I didn’t want you to leave.” Dropping his arms to hang loose, Reigen’s shoulders sagged under an invisible weight. “The rest I could manage.” Somehow his voice became even softer and Serizawa had to strain to hear it. “I wouldn’t have been able to handle that.”
“I would never have left.” Even as the words tumbled out of his mouth he knew Reigen didn't believe him, couldn't afford to trust them. They hung in the air, the frenetic energy of before completely gone leaving only defeat in its wake. They stood like that for several long moments, the sole sound the buzz of the kitchen lights, an immeasurable distance between them though they were mere inches apart.
“It was a chance I couldn’t take.” There was more to be said, but tears were welling in Reigen’s eyes even as he angrily dashed them away with rough palms and it was time to end it for tonight. They wouldn’t get any farther with things as they were right now.
“Okay.” Gently, while stepping into his space, leaving an opening if he needed to take it. “I understand.” And he did, wished so badly things had been different, but could see why he'd felt so trapped, like the only thing he had were his appearances. Serizawa telegraphed his movements, kept them slow and broad, making sure Reigen wouldn't be surprised as he reached for his shoulders. He was exhausted and overwrought, shaking from it, so stiff Serizawa had to close the remaining distance. As soon as he made contact Reigen sobbed once, clamping a hand tightly over his mouth, wrapping the other around his waist, fingers twisted, white knuckled, into the sleep shirt like it was the only thing keeping him together. “Okay, okay, shhh.” Serizawa tucked Reigen’s head under his chin, keeping one palm on his nape while the other ran firmly up and down his back. When he still didn't relax the esper pressed his lips against his auburn hair, murmuring, “I’m not going anywhere.” Suddenly, instead of clutching himself Reigen was grabbing desperately at Serizawa, burying his hot face in his pajama shirt and holding fistfulls of it at his back. It was too tight really but he wasn't about to move.
Reigen didn't cry, not anymore, but was instead trembling hard, fit to shake apart, and when his knees gave out it took Serizawa to slow his descent to the floor. Holding him in his lap he tried to get a good look at his face but he wouldn't move, only clung harder, breath laboring under his palm. He’d never seen this happen to Reigen before but he'd experienced it, and knew there was really not much to do but wait it out, try and talk him down if he could, so Serizawa spoke low and quiet, punctuating sentences with soft kisses on any exposed skin he could reach. He described his plans for the weekend, how he intended to take Reigen out (it was going to be a surprise), when they would go see the cherry blossoms now that spring was coming (we should invite everyone and have a picnic), if he thought it made sense to buy another jacket (you’ve practically worn mine out, ‘Taka), nonsense that he knew the man in his arms was only partially picking up. In time the shuddering eased and he felt the fierce grip relax into something closer to an embrace and the next kiss he carefully placed was in between two heavily blinking eyes.
“Hey there.” A blush traveled up Reigen’s neck and Serizawa watched it settle high in his face before it disappeared into his chest again. “I know.” He soothed, petting back his hair and brushing his lips along the shell of one red ear. The heaviness in Reigen’s body increased and when his arms fell away Serizawa decided he'd had enough floor for the both of them and stood, swinging the other man up into his arms when it became clear he wasn't going to be walking anywhere.
“I can figure this out.” One last pleading whisper against his neck.
“I know you can,” Serizawa spoke quietly into the space between them. “But you don't have to.” He held his conman even closer before laying him on the bed, crawling in beside and tugging the blankets over them both. Pressing their foreheads together he ignored the weak sunlight filling the room and the knowledge that they both had work far too soon. “You're worth so much more to me, ‘Taka.” He kissed away the tears until Reigen couldn't keep his eyes open anymore and Serizawa kept watch until the moment he finally gave in and relaxed into the mattress.
Serizawa brushed bangs damp with sweat from this stressful night away from his forehead, softly placing his lips against the bruise at his temple before tucking him close, so deeply asleep now that he was warm and pliant in his hold. He tangled their legs together and it was like they were one body, indistinguishable in the dim glow of dawn. In this moment, calm and quiet, Serizawa whispered his promises.