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Keith Kogane, by nature, was not much of a talker, so Shiro had learned, over the years, to interpret his silences. Keith had been near-statuesque for the past hour, and the cockpit of the Black Lion was deathly quiet. Even the wolf had begun to whine softly.
Shiro caught its icy blue gaze, and it growled at him. It quieted when Krolia scratched its mane, but it continued to glare in his direction, even after he'd held up his hand in submission.
Honestly, though, Shiro didn't really blame it. He'd seen the scar on Keith's face, both from the Black Lion's consciousness and in life. He'd caught only glimpses of what had happened, but he'd also felt Keith's pain through their bond in the lion. Keith's silence did most of the talking, though. He wasn't angry, just hurt.
And as far as the wolf was concerned, it had been Shiro, not the clone, that had caused the hurting.
Shiro glanced at Krolia, and their eyes met. He tilted his head in Keith's direction, and she nodded wordlessly, lightly putting her hand on his arm.
"Keith, I'm going to let the wolf roam around in the back for a bit," she said.
Keith didn't look back. "Sure."
Krolia clicked her tongue softly, and the wolf followed her out of the cockpit. The doors slid closed behind them, and Shiro cautiously took a step forward. He reached for Keith's shoulder before remembering too late that he didn't have his right hand anymore. Keith caught the movement before Shiro could correct it, though.
"Sorry about the arm."
Anyone that didn't know Keith as well as Shiro did might have thought that he was being sarcastic, bitter, looking to start a fight. Shiro knew that tone, though. That was the tone of a Keith that had just punched another boy for insulting his parents. That was the tone of a Keith who had sat outside the principal's office, bluntly telling Shiro to give up on him. That was the tone of a Keith who felt like no matter what he did, he would never belong. That was the tone of a Keith who had already lost so much that he'd become numb to losing more.
That was also the tone of a Keith whose knuckles Shiro had patched up in his own office later that day.
"You did what you had to." Shiro came over to Keith's other side and gently touched his shoulder. "Keith, I . . . we need to talk about what happened."
"There's nothing to talk about." Keith's voice was growing defensive. "That wasn't you."
"You and I both know that I'm not going to let you off that easy," Shiro said.
Keith's head whipped around. "What do you want me to say, Shiro? We both know that you weren't the one trying to kill me. Lotor or the Galra or someone else was behind it, but we put an end to it, and that's that. Allura brought you back, okay? I don't want to talk about it!"
"So there is something to talk about, then," Shiro said evenly. He wanted to cross his arms, but he wasn't sure how that would work with his stump. "Keith, I'm not letting this go until you do."
A growl escaped through Keith's gritted teeth. "Fine, Shiro, fine! Nothing's gone right since you disappeared, and when I finally found you, it wasn't even you, and I left Voltron in the hands of that — that thing , when I should have stayed instead of running off to the Blade and coming back from the quantum abyss and two years' worth of nightmares to almost getting killed by you-not-you and almost killing you-not-you and finding out that it was true, that you — " Keith's voice broke, and his grip on his lion's controls grew so tight that Shiro heard his wrist pop. "You — you — I couldn't save you — "
"Keith, what happened in the battle with Zarkon was not your fault." Shiro knelt down beside Keith's chair. "Hey, look at me — that wasn't on you."
"You think I haven't been telling myself that?" Keith's jaw tightened. "Shiro, you . . . you were gone, and everyone expected me to step up and do my job when all I wanted was for you to come back and for things to be normal again."
They exchanged a quick glance before Keith amended, "Well, as normal as things could get with us flying magic robotic lions and fighting purple aliens in space."
Shiro allowed a small smile. "Yeah, that's not very normal, is it?"
The controls of the Black Lion were still familiar enough to him that he could switch from manual to auto navigation and gently ease the controls out of Keith's numb grip. Keith slumped back in his chair like a string had been cut, and Shiro could see the small pool that had formed near the lower part of his visor.
Keith tugged his helmet off and rubbed at his eyes with his palms. "You remember the first mission you went on after I met you?"
"Yeah, they made me go to Mars so we could replace the solar batteries on the rovers," Shiro recalled. "Well, they made me go so Sam could do that."
"Yeah." Keith hugged his helmet in his lap, brushing his hair out of his face. "You were gone for a week. It wasn't that long, compared to the Neptune and Kerberos flights, but, you know, I was a kid and I didn't know any better. I never really told anyone, but I used to get scared that you would come back . . . different."
"Different?"
"Look, I'd never really had any friends before you," Keith said. "I just used to think that you'd go to Mars, come back, and not want to be my friend anymore."
"Keith —"
"I know, it's dumb!" Keith wouldn't look at Shiro. "But you being there for me when no one else would — that meant a lot to me, and I couldn't stand to lose that. I mean, you came back and everything was still the same and everything stayed the same. It was like, no matter how far you went, you'd always come back. I mean, you still managed to come back after Kerberos and then Voltron and the Galra and all that crazy stuff happened and you were still here. And then the fight with Zarkon happened. It was hard on all of us, Shiro, and you can't imagine how good it felt to see you again." Keith glanced up, his eyes fragile. "But it wasn't you, and I didn't realize that until it was too late."
Shiro opened his mouth as if he could say something. For once, the words escaped him. How could you answer such a raw confession as that?
When Shiro had first woken up in his new body, the first thing he had seen was Keith, and the first thing he had been struck by was how much Keith had grown. The lost cadet that he'd first vouched for had blossomed into the leader of Voltron that Shiro had always known he could be. But whatever had molded him into the Black Paladin — whether it had been Shiro or the Blade or Krolia or the other paladins or Keith's own instincts — had forced a heavy price on him.
A wounded animal always needs rest and time for healing at some point, and the heart was much more easily wounded than the body.
"Keith, I'm sor —" Shiro didn't have a chance to finish before Keith tossed his helmet aside and flung his arms around Shiro's middle. He buried his face in Shiro's left shoulder, where he knew an arm would be there to hug him back just as tight.
"I thought I was going to die," Keith whispered, sobs racking his body. "I thought I'd killed you."
Shiro put his hand against the back of Keith's head, wishing desperately that he could have his other arm back, if even for a moment, just so he could hug Keith and let him know that everything would be okay. He pressed his cheek into Keith's hair, letting the tears slide like raindrops. "I'm here, Keith. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm here, buddy, I'm here."
Shiro hadn't thought Keith could hug him any tighter, but Keith had always been full of surprises. "Stay, Shiro. Please. Don't go again."
"I won't," Shiro said. "I promise, Keith, I promise."
It was a gentle and long-deserved eternity that they held each other, two friends, two brothers that had both been through too much for the past few years. Shiro hadn't realized how much he'd missed Keith until now, as they cried together in the head of the lion that had chosen both of them to head the team that would save the universe.
But right now, they didn't need to be paladins.
Right now, they could just be Shiro and Keith.
"I love you, Shiro," Keith whispered, his voice muffled, his arms loosening.
"I love you too, Keith," Shiro replied with a small smile.
They pulled away slowly, indigo and brown eyes glistening with the pain they could only share as brothers. Shiro ruffled Keith's hair, and the younger man shied away, a grin chasing away the tears on his face.
"I don't think you've done that since I was, what, twelve?"
"Nah, you were older," Shiro smiled, pulling his hand back. "I'm only seven years older than you, you know."
"Five now, I think." When Shiro looked at him quizzically, Keith shrugged unapologetically. "Time's different in the quantum abyss. I think I turned twenty-one a few months ago."
Two years' worth of nightmares, Keith had said. Shiro cleared his throat. "Quantum abyss?"
"Yeah." Keith tucked his knees to his chest again. "It was some Blade mission that my mom and I went on. Time's all weird there. Every once in a while, there'd be these huge cosmic storms that could show pieces of the past or the future. My mom and me . . . there were some things that neither of us wanted to see."
"Any of this show up?" Shiro waved his hand, gesturing ambiguously.
"I saw the clone a lot," Keith confessed. "I dunno, it was a popular subject, I guess. I told my mom after a couple weeks, and she helped me get ready for the fight. I don't know if I would have survived without her. Other than that, just bits and pieces. The Galra get to Earth, eventually. We get stuck in space at some point." He smiled. "You get a new arm."
"Is it good-looking?"
Keith shrugged. "I only saw it once, and that was in passing. As far as arms go, I think it's okay. I think you'll like it."
"I'll take your word for it." Shiro nodded. "There's something important we need to talk about, though."
Keith cocked his head. "Yeah?"
"You're finally old enough to drink." Shiro lightly punched Keith's shoulder. "When we get to Earth, I'm taking you to a bar, and we are going to have something ten billion times better than Coran's nunville."
One corner of Keith's mouth curved upwards, and a soft laugh escaped his lips. "Just so you know, Adam let me have my first beer while you were on Kerberos, so you'll have to come up with something else."
"Adam did what?"
"Yep, we went up to the roof." Keith seemed to be enjoying Shiro's shock. "We both missed you, and we decided that was good enough to break the rules."
"Adam," Shiro repeated. "The one with the glasses and an extra teabag in his back pocket? The one who tutored you in vector analysis?"
"Same one who learned how to cook so he wouldn't have to deal with your ramen addiction and setting the kitchen on fire that one time you were trying to make cereal," Keith confirmed.
"Okay, to be fair, it was just the smoke alarm."
"How the hell do you set off a smoke alarm making cereal ?"
"Exactly!" Shiro protested. "It was absolutely not my fault, but of course Adam didn't believe me because I was in the kitchen alone and quote-unquote unsupervised. "
"Why the hell would he ever leave you alone in the kitchen?" Keith said incredulously. "Does he have a death wish?"
"Guess we'll find out." Shiro's voice grew thick. He'd always held on to hope, but now that hope had a chance to be real. That hope had a chance to be broken. He'd always imagined coming back to Earth and Adam and their apartment and their imaginary cat and microwave ramen and late-night kisses over coffee and tea and sleeping in on weekends and running in the mornings. But now, there was a chance that all that would be gone.
Keith must have seen something in his eyes, because he said, "He still loves you, Shiro."
Shiro rested his head against the console. "I hope."
"He does." Keith insisted. "Look, your relationship was complicated because you didn't have much time together. Now that we're going back for good, you guys can have all the time you want."
Shiro laughed hollowly. "When did you become a relationship counselor?"
"I'm just saying things how I see them," Keith said. "Adam's thing was that he wanted to spend however much time you had left with you, not on Earth while you went off into space. He was worried for you. Now that you're, I guess, better, maybe things will be different."
"Yeah, the Galra weren't too happy when I passed out after my first gladiator match," Shiro recalled, glancing at his stump. "I guess I owe them that." He sighed. "You didn't see Earth much in the quantum abyss, right?"
"If you're asking about Adam, no." Keith shook his head. "I didn't see him. But that doesn't have to mean anything. He'll be more than happy to see you again. I mean, I know I was, and what you and Adam have is so much bigger. I actually, uh, used to be a little jealous of you guys, the fact that you had each other like that. But then I got a wolf, so . . ." Keith's sentence trailed off into a smile.
"Yeah, yeah, I got a wolf ," Shiro mimicked. "You just wait, once we get back to Earth and after we make sure everything's okay, I'm going to get a real cat."
"Good luck with that," Keith laughed. "Adam told me he's a dog person."
"What? No way!" Shiro grinned. "What else did he tell you while I was off in space?"
"He can tell you himself," Keith replied, his eyes soft. "When we get back."
"When we get back," Shiro repeated. "God, the things I'm gonna do when we get back."
"My bike better be in one piece or so help me —"
"Yeah, didn't we leave it in the middle of the desert when we went after the Blue Lion?"
"Yes! Exactly!" Keith threw his hands up. "Who knows what happened to her after Lance sat on her left wing and Hunk bent the rudder when he sat on it and the pedals felt loose after the dive and I haven't had a chance to replace —"
"Jeez, Keith, you're making me think of my own bike," Shiro laughed.
"Hey, yours is sitting in a well-maintained garage with engineers and technicians and the Galaxy Garrison attending her every need." Keith crossed his arms. "Mine is in the middle of the quiznaking desert!"
Shiro nodded in mock contemplation. "Yeah, okay, you have it worse." He noticed the light smile on the Keith's face and touched his shoulder. "Good talk?"
Keith put his own hand over Shiro's. "Good talk."