Chapter Text
Takeshi Shirogane was being hailed as a hero, but he felt nothing like one.
Currently, he felt actually like a failure. Because he had failed to keep the people closest to him safe. If he had been a hero, he wouldn’t be sitting alone in a hospital room, the one person he loved more than any other desperately clinging to life.
If anyone was a hero, it was the person lying unconscious in the bed in front of him. Keith Kogane, the person Shiro loved with his entire being.
The steady beep of the heart monitor was Shiro’s only companion. It had become comforting to him. It was the only thing that was consistent, and was the one thing that reminded Shiro that Keith was still alive.
Shiro was exhausted, but he didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to leave Keith there alone.
It had been over a day since the lions had fallen back to Earth following their battle with the Galra and the Robeast. Shiro had had to stand there and watch helplessly as the lions flew the beast up into the atmosphere, protecting earth from the detonation that would have killed them all. Everything from that moment on felt like such a blur to Shiro. The panic. The fear. Running, as fast as he could, towards the black lion, which had fallen closest to him. Wondering where the others had fallen. Wondering if they were all right, if they were even alive. Forcing his way into the black lion, crying out for Keith and getting no answer. Climbing through to the cockpit and finding Keith slumped over, and the blood and pulling him into his arms-
Shiro took a deep breath. It was too much to think about. He’d be happier if he could forget the sight of Keith, broken and bleeding in his arms.
The other paladins were all rescued. Their friends and family were with them, now. None of them were too badly hurt, thankfully. Mostly they just needed rest, and would be okay in a couple days’ time. Shiro had gone to visit each of them, and they had all cried and hugged him.
Everyone was hugging him, and congratulating him, and thanking him, like he was some sort of huge hero. The Captain of Atlas. Their Savior.
Everyone was there. Everyone except Keith.
Keith hadn’t woken up yet. The doctors said that he’d hit his head pretty bad, and thanks to taking hits in battles he’d already faced, his body was weak. There was a tube in his throat to help him breathe, because he’d been unable to breathe on his own. They weren’t sure what was going to happen to him at this point. Only time would tell. All they could do was wait. They said to keep hopes up, because Keith was young and strong. He could come back from this. He could survive.
He could, or he could not.
Krolia had been contacted and was on her way. Shiro didn’t want to think about her. He knew that Keith and Krolia had grown quite close. He could only imagine how upset- and possibly angry- she would be when she arrived. Would she be angry with Shiro, for not protecting her son?
Shiro had a lot to do. People were looking up to him, expecting him to do and say all the right things. He’d become some sort of leader, the go-to person, not only to the Garrison, but to the universe.
And he didn’t care about any of that. He just wanted Keith to wake up.
Would saving the world matter? Would saving the universe matter, if Keith wasn’t there?
Of course it mattered. Shiro knew that in the grand scheme of things, Keith would have gladly given his life to save the lives of others. Keith was a paladin of Voltron, after all. Shiro would have done the same thing if he’d been in Keith’s shoes. He was unbelievably proud of Keith for his heroism and bravery. He was proud of each of the paladins of Voltron, who had already sacrificed so much to save the universe time and time again.
And Keith had sacrificed so much to save Shiro time and time again.
As many times as it takes.
But Shiro hadn’t been able to save Keith. And now, all he could do was sit there and hold his hand, hoping, begging and praying, that he would open his eyes.
Because if Keith were to die, Shiro wouldn’t know how to live.
How could he live, when half his heart was missing?
How could he live in a world where Keith Kogane was just a memory?
Losing Adam had been hard enough. Shiro had failed him, as well.
But Keith…Keith had grown so much. He had grown and blossomed into a strong, capable, dependable leader. He had gone from a kid with nothing but a broken heart to a man who gave Shiro his heart.
Shiro loved him. Did Keith know it? Had he ever thanked Keith for saving him time and time again? Did he ever tell Keith how much he meant to him?
Iverson stepped into the room. “Shirogane,” he said, his tone careful. “They’re expecting you, to give your speech at the memorial. I know you are exhausted, and worried, but the people out there are counting on you.”
Keith was counting on him, too.
“I don’t want to leave him here alone,” Shiro told Iverson.
Iverson sighed. “Not a problem. Someone has offered to sit with him for you.”
Romelle stepped into the room. She gave Shiro a small, sad smile. “I will stay with him,” she said. “I can talk to him for a while.”
Shiro could tell that she wanted to. He sighed, caving. “All right.” He stood up. His body ached with exhaustion. “Please let me know if anything changes, and I will be back as soon as possible.”
Romelle took his chair. She carefully took Keith’s left hand in both of hers. “I will,” she said, her voice soft as she took in Keith’s appearance.
Shiro had been able to keep his tears at bay, but seeing Romelle look at Keith with such sadness almost broke him.
But he couldn’t break now. He had a speech to do. People were counting on him, after all.
The lions stood tall behind him as Shiro spoke to the crowd about those they had lost, and moving forward together. He put as much sincerity into his words as he couldn’t, even though his heart felt broken. After the speech was over, everyone was on him. They wanted to shake his hand and hug him and thank him. He put a smile on his face and accepted their kindness, though in his heart it felt undeserved.
Why did they all see him as this wonderful being, this weird ray of hope? It was hard enough to be dealing with everything that had happened, and then to have this added pressure.
Finally he was able to escape from the crowds and found his way back into the hospital ward. As no one had called him for any news on Keith, he decided to take a moment to check in on each of the other paladins. He merely peeked into their rooms, not wanting to disturb them. Lance’s family surrounded him, and he was laughing at his little nephew. Shiro smiled, glad to see Lance looking cheerful. He checked on Pidge next, who was sitting on her bed with Matt, and he was animatedly telling her a story as their parents sat by and watched with amused expressions. Shiro was honestly happy for the Holt family. After everything they had been through, they deserved to be together and happy.
He checked on Hunk next. Hunk’s parents were there with him, as well as Shay, and Hunk was introducing Shay to his parents. His parents looked a little nervous, probably because they hadn’t met many aliens yet. But they were warm and loving people, and they shook Shay’s hand as Hunk beamed.
Lastly, Shiro looked in on Allura. Coran was with her, telling her about Shiro’s speech, her little mice crawling around excitedly. Unfortunately, Shiro did not go unnoticed this time; Allura caught him standing in her door.
“Shiro,” she announced, and Coran stopped talking and looked around at him as well.
“Hey,” Shiro said, stepping into her room. “How are you, Princess?”
She smiled at him, though there was sadness in her smile. “I’m doing well, thank you. I feel very lucky.” She studied him for a moment. “How are you, Shiro? Have you gotten any sleep?”
“Not yet,” he said with a small smile. “I’ve been…I’ve been quite busy. Everything’s been happening so fast, and….” And Keith hadn’t woken up.
Her brows knitted with worry. “You need to rest,” she told him. “You took a lot on in battle. I know you are worried, and everyone has been all over you, but you really need your sleep. You won’t do anyone any good if you push yourself past exhaustion.”
“The Princess is right,” Coran agreed, nodding. “If you are worried about our black paladin, I can assure you that Romelle and I can keep an eye on him while you catch up on your rest.”
Shiro shifted uncomfortably. “I’d rather be there with him, in case….” He woke up?
He died?
“Shiro,” Allura said softly. “Romelle and Coran can sit with him for a few hours. He would want you to get your rest. You know that Keith loves you very much, and he wouldn’t want you pushing yourself for his sake.”
Shiro swallowed against the tightness in his throat. He was exhausted, and he felt like soon he would no longer be able to hold his emotions back. Perhaps a few hours alone wouldn’t hurt.
“All right,” he finally said, his voice sounding higher pitched than it should. “I will go check in on him now, and let Romelle know. Just-just promise me you will come to me, if anything in his condition changes?”
“Of course,” Coran said, placing a hand on Shiro’s shoulder.
“I’m-I’m glad you are feeling well,” Shiro told Allura, backing out of the room. “I promise I’ll come by again soon. Get your rest.”
“Shiro-“ Allura started, but Shiro was already gone, down the hall towards Keith’s room, trying his hardest to hold it together for another few moments.
Romelle was still sitting quietly, holding Keith’s hand when he arrived at his room. “Hello,” she said, turning to him. “There haven’t been any changes. He’s still hanging in there.”
Shiro took a deep breath. “Thank you, Romelle. Are you alright if I go lay down for a little while? Coran said he could switch you, if you want.”
Romelle smiled at him. “I don’t mind sitting with him,” she said, looking back at Keith. “I know I don’t know him as well as all of you, but he is still special to me. He saved me from that…awful place.”
Keith had saved so many people. But none of them could save him.
“Feel free to call for me if anything happens,” Shiro told her. He stepped forward, and placed his hand on Keith’s leg. He wondered if Keith could hear them, feel their touch. Did he know they were there, waiting for him to return?
Shiro swallowed his tears again. He couldn’t hold them back much longer. He left before she responded, and he was running, running until he was in the safety of his own room, shutting the door behind him as he gasped for breath. He slid down to the floor, as the sobs overtook him at last.
Shiro was so tired. He was tired of fighting. He was so tired of getting everything ripped out from under him. He was tired of the people in his life suffering, while he just stood back and watched helplessly.
He climbed into his bed, curling onto his side. He wished Keith was there next to him, with his warm and reassuring smile. Shiro closed his eyes, feeling unbelievably empty inside. He thought sleep would evade him, but it took him under in seconds.
And suddenly, he was outside the Garrison. The sun was out; it felt warm on Shiro’s back. He felt a million times better, like he had gotten a full night’s rest. His body didn’t ache, and he felt like he could breathe again. He was thankful for this dream, for being able to feel like everything was all right.
“Shiro?”
Keith. Keith’s voice, warm and loving and soft. Shiro turned, and there he was, looking at Shiro with a bit of confusion, and perhaps a bit of alarm.
“What- what are you doing here?”