Chapter Text
Lance would have to admit that he was jealous of Hunk for once. In all his time knowing him, he’s never been jealous because they were basically one person sharing a life. They did everything together as best friends do. They’d cried through Marvel movies; they’d binged all of Star Trek together (from older TV to newer movies); they’d fought over Mario Kart many times but stayed friends.
In the third grade when he found himself a girlfriend in the lunchroom, Hunk congratulated them and offered up his cupcake for the two of them to split. The awkward 6th grade dance when they both got into huge trouble for unplugging electronics here and there, including the DJ’s set which made the room go pitch black and all this kids freaked out and ran. Lance eventually managed to convince the principal to only give him punishment because Hunk didn’t want his parents upset with him and he dragged him into it anyway...
All those times when they visited the other’s houses and it got to the point Lance’s mom called Hunk her ‘4th son’ and Hunk’s moms called him their second son… yeah it was a little bit of a mess. During the holidays the Garretts and McClains always came together to throw wonderful parties (and with three moms all coming together in the kitchen with cultured treats it was more or less a feast.) So either of them could solidly say that they were basically brothers. But still, they had the highest respect for each other and wouldn’t ever wish to steal the other’s life.
That wasn’t the case now as Lance's fingers hovered over the blue ‘Go’ button on his IPhone’s keypad. He hated the fact he couldn’t just continue his search, but as he’d rested his head back on the pillows while craning his neck at an odd angle so his eyes could drift along the popcorn ceiling he’d grown to know so well at times like this when he fought the urge to cry, he was overwhelmed with jealousy for what Hunk had. It prevented him from searching the internet because it was just too unfair. Did he really have to sink this low? He could keep trying to meet someone in his Graphics class like he’d dreamed of.
Lance certainly wasn’t a picky person but apparently, it was too much to ask for someone who wasn’t a jerk or self-absorbed (which he often times found falling into the same category.) He only had three simple requirements for his lover. 1, be a decent, respectful person, with a somewhat similar moral compass. 2, look appealing WITH him (he didn’t care how someone looked, he just wanted to look good together.) 3, Enjoy memes. It was that simple. But for some reason, any kind of requirements were too many.
This entire thing started because Hunk met this girl in the engineering department during a late night of hastily finished projects done at the very last second. She had to go through Lance to get to Hunk though because no matter how expertly practised and super effective the trademark Garrett puppy dog eyes were, they were no match for a best friend who had to approve of all potential love interests before things could go any further.
But she passed with ease. When Hunk brought Shay to dinner for the three of them so Lance could meet her, he was skeptical about feeling like a third wheel. It actually turned out that she was super kind and relatively soft spoken. That was when Lance saw the burning fire of passion in her eyes, one that he figured could only be for getting his approval because no doubt that Hunk spilled the beans about the whole dinner thing.
By the end of the night, he was in stitches from expertly timed jokes and sarcastic comments. Yeah, Shay blended in with them perfectly and since then Hunk and her had been dating. They still got along, but because of the close-knit family their friendship ran, both Hunk’s parents and his own constantly bugged him about finding someone like “Hunk did.” He still had another month until he had to visit family right? He could keep trying to meet someone at school, couldn’t he?
No, he knew all the people in his graphics and fashion classes, plus all the people on his swim team and Lance could certainly say he wasn’t impressed. He knew all the baristas at little cafe on campus and nobody there impressed him either (and besides there was some sort of weird “you pay my salary and tip well so I always make sure to have your latte ready every morning” relationship going on with every single person there.)
Finally, Lance looked down at his phone again, with Hunk’s words echoing to him “You could always try a dating site as a last resort.” He confirmed his search and off to the races it was. Within seconds he had links to probably 100 dating sites. Each of them no doubt swearing that they'd be the site to find his forever match. Considering that Lance was a broke college student and hated the idea in the first place, he could pretty easily eliminate any sites that required him to pay which (pretty shamefully) took it down about half.
The rest he alternated between looking at reviews and contemplating if the dating site shame was any better than the shame of his family nagging him.
3 o’s in and 2 energy drink-coffee amalgamations later and he found something that piqued his interest. The blue underlined words (word?) simply said ‘Memengle’ and the description of the site in a simple phrase was ‘Meet the meme of your dreams.’ With another sip of his drink, he clicked muttering, “Ah, what the hell...” under his breath with a shrug.
It wasn’t paid as far as he could tell. A display of both old and new memes cycled through behind the big lettered ‘Memengle’ name. As he scrolled down, the about was displayed. ‘Memengle is a dating site for meme lovers who don’t want to hassle with the chances of meeting someone who can’t take a fucking joke.’
Okay, call Lance intrigued, he chuckled about the sheer passive-aggressive aura the text gave. Down a little further and it gave the generic ‘Log In or Sign Up’ boxes. Considering this was the first one he actually found himself even slightly amused with, he clicked to sign up. it was simple enough; e-mail, name, age, gender, username, password, confirm password.
Lance got stuck on the username because that was the first thing you’d see besides maybe ‘Lance’ and ’20.’ He chose to go with a combination of his favourite colour and a nickname that Hunk had given him a little while back. ‘BlueSharpShooter’
As soon as he sent in the confirmation that those were the details that he was satisfied with using, it gave him the options to set up a profile. He’d gotten to this stage a few times but they always asked questions like ‘what’s your dream date?;’ ‘what’s your dream vacation?’ et cetera. This however only had three input boxes. A bio, sexuality, and a checklist of memes. He entered in the first two and scrolled down the (surprisingly) very long meme list. When he reached the bottom, he was met with a button titled ‘Check All’.
Lance hit it without hesitation. Unbeknownst to him, after checking the memes you like, a pop-up with memes the partner couldn’t like would appear, but checking all memes meant there wasn’t a single kinda that Lance hated. His profile was finally set up, and asked to download an app. It took him to the app store, he downloaded it, logged in, and chose to explore.
There were three pages. Messages, profile, and memes. He clicked memes and on his screen appeared an explore page that he could compare to Instagram’s, but instead of posts from all different things, it was just all memes. For the first time in trying all this dating site crap, he smiled and tapped on the first one.
Matt honestly couldn’t believe his eyes when his phone showed the notification of ‘You’ve got a match!’ “Hey Shiro,” Matt floated his phone in front of his face, “look at this.” Shiro scanned it over before turning to him with an eyebrow raised.
“Okay, and?” Matt retracted his phone and continued looking at it.
“Ever since I created that app so I could find someone who actually likes memes, not a single person has matched. I’ve stalked the user database to see how many people signed up and it was at least like 100 people a month ago, but not a single person.”
“So send a message if this is so rare. You don’t wanna miss the chance do you?” He opened the app and looked to actually see if it was real. But right there in messages ‘BlueSharpShooter’ and in grey text ‘Send this person a message!’ Matt opened it and smiled. This was real. Someone who checked all memes in the like category. Someone who he might be able to get along with. Matt had to make a good impression right? This was his only chance and if he screwed this up he might as well die alone or spend the rest of his life flirting without a real goal.
McMattyMeme: Hello~
McMattyMeme: Wanna know what my shirt’s made out of?
BlueSharpShooter: Boyfriend material.
BlueSharpShooter: I’ve tried that line a million times…
BlueSharpShooter: Pro tip
BlueSharpShooter: Don’t use it around moms, they have a psychic knowledge of the exact breakdown of your shirt
BlueSharpShooter: and they can and will shut you down and ruin your chances or flirting more than resorting to pick-up lines already do.
McMattyMeme: Uhhh thanks
McMattyMeme: That was kinda specific
BlueSharpShooter: It has happened twice to me
BlueSharpShooter: I am a well versed member of the pickup line community and I’ve made my share of mistakes.
McMattyMeme: that’s a constant mood
Matt was cursing himself for being so informal… but at the same time this person was just easy to talk to. They weren’t appalled by Matt’s crappy pick-up line choice, they just joked about it. That’s why Matt was most excited. He hadn’t scared away the match and the other person liked pickup lines. Shiro could clearly see Matt’s dumb smile adorning his face, Matt didn’t try to hide it at all. He wasn’t the type of person to hide his smiles.
“Something good happen?” Shiro asked, half joking.
“Dude…” Matt barely whispered out.
“Bro? You okay, bro?” Shiro responded to Matt’s one word nonsense. Matt just nodded his head yes while clutching his chest. Shiro knew he was joking and attempting to look like an anime character (as he too often did.) “Seriously though, what’s got you so happy? I know you got a match but most people don’t overreact like that.”
“Shiro, I overreact at literally everything. Remember the first time I met Allura? That time Pidge invented a robot and I called you screaming about how she’s so talented? I’m like, king of overreacting kingdom at this point.” Matt shot an annoyed glare his way, leaning forward off the wall they were currently settled on.
“I’m not going to say that you’re wrong because I honestly can’t.” Shiro shrugged and continued to swipe down on his phone. Matt wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking at but based the on the fact he would double-tap the screen every so often he was probably stalking a tag on Instagram. He turned back to his own phone, but instead of typing another message he looked at the profile.
His name was Lance, he was 20. He hadn’t uploaded a profile picture yet, but then again he probably only signed up a little bit ago and hadn’t picked one yet. It crossed Matt’s mind, very briefly, that he could be getting catfished, but he was a hopeful person and dismissed the thought right away. At least for now he wouldn’t try to be a pessimist. His brain wouldn’t win today.
“Shiro! Matt!” Both of them looked up at their names.
“Oh, hey ‘lura. Took you long enough.” She stuck her tongue out at the brunette.
“Well, sorry I actually want to survive this school year with a good grade.”
Shiro quirked a brow at her, “Allura you have better grades than either of us, yet you’re still trying to get extra credit?”
“Yeah, yeah. No need to mock me for it. My highschool habits still haven’t worn off after 4 years.” Allura planted herself in front of the two boys with a huff. After Matt was done with the initial greeting, he went back to smiling.
“What’s up with him?” She pointed her thumb in Matt’s direction, looking at Shiro expectantly.
“He’s had success with his little dating site.”
“Hey, I am right here you guys! And may I remind you that it was your drunken dare to make that ‘little dating site.’ Let a man be happy in peace.” Allura and Shiro both shared a knowing look. The look that meant they’d probably hear about this on a weekly basis at the very least. The look that meant that Matt was probably going to be asking them often about pick-up lines to use on the poor unlucky soul receiving his affections.
“Matt, as a professional in being your friend, I’m obligated to tell you that neither Shiro or I will let you be happy in peace for as long as you live. Those are the rules of friendship.” Allura leaned forward, touched her finger to his nose in a way that had some sort of malicious intent hidden deep behind it.
“Yeah, I know, but I can hope.”