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8:03 A.M.
Gavin woke up by himself for the first time in years. This day was going to be hard without Conan by his side. Gavin rubbed away the sleep from his eyes. Though Conan was long gone by now, there was still the traces of his warmth on the right side of the bed. Sun cracked through the blinds shining blocks of light across the bed as Gavin rolled over to Conan’s side of the bed and tried to imagine that he was there, still sleeping and snoring softly. Gavin hated that Conan had just left without saying goodbye, but they both knew that it was necessary. They both knew that if Conan were there when he woke up, Gavin would’ve spent most of the morning showing him just how happy he was now and they both would’ve been very behind on their schedules. It took a lot of pouting just for Gavin to convince Conan to sleep in the same bed last night when the original plan was for him to leave last night. But he knew that Conan was secretly glad Gavin had convinced him since neither of them slept well on their own anymore. Gavin closed his eyes to block out the sun that was blinding him, he was too lazy to get up and fix the shades. Not before long the beautiful silence was disturbed by the squeak of his bedroom door being opened.
“Good, you’re up. How do you feel, little brother?” Elijah said, still wearing his pajama pants and a tank top. He leaned against the door frame as he lazily sipped his coffee.
“I don’t know, kinda hungry.”
“There’s breakfast.”
“ You made breakfast?” Gavin said quirking his eyebrows in disbelief. Elijah never did much of anything, he had Chloe doing everything for him.
“Of course not. Conan made breakfast before he left.”
Gavin sighed in relief, as much as he loved his brother, he did not trust his cooking skills. “I love that man.”
“I’m starting to fall in love with him too. Even Chloe’s pancakes are not this good, I might have to leave her for Conan.”
“You’d be lost without her and you know it.”
Elijah hummed in agreement. “Whatever, it’s time to get up. Hurry up and eat, you have an appointment.”
“You make it sound like I’m going to the dentist and not getting married.”
Elijah shrugged, “It sounds like the same painful thing to me.”
Gavin shook his head and laid back down on the bed as Elijah closed the door behind him. Memories blinked into Gavin’s mind as he closed his eyes. Even with Elijah’s stupid comments about marriage, he was glad he was here. If it weren’t for Conan, Elijah wouldn’t be here at all, they still wouldn’t be talking and pretending that the other didn’t exist. It was all thanks to Conan’s devious planning. He set them both up, using some kind of parent trap technique by writing a letter to Gavin and pretending it was from Elijah, and sending a letter to Elijah and pretending it was from Gavin. It made things very confusing when they both showed up at the coffee shop later that week thinking that the other had been the one to initiate the correspondence between them. When the truth came out though, Elijah was pissed, but it only made Gavin love Conan that much more. Conan’s family was so important to him, and though he knew things were rocky between Gavin and his family, he also knew how much Gavin wished he could change it, but was too much of a coward to do it on his own. And what Conan had done had worked. They had already reconnected by the time that they had found out what had really happened and it led to Gavin asking Elijah to be his best man later on.
Ever since Conan had come back into his life, things started to fall into place. He was finally accepted in the Detroit Police Department as a beat cop just a few days after seeing him in that coffee shop, Elijah came back into his life, and Conan had helped him find his mother’s parents. It turns out they weren’t as horrible as his mother had told him, or maybe they’d changed in the wake of their daughter’s suicide. But they were proud of him, and proud of his mother too for raising him and inspiring him to be the person that he was today. Even though they couldn’t exactly tell his mother how proud they were of her, they visited her grave instead for every holiday to bring her gardenias, her favorite flower. Of course, his Nana and Papa absolutely adored Conan and immediately welcomed him into their family, they insisted that he come along every Sunday afternoon for their weekly dinner.
Conan just seemed to have that effect on people, everyone loved him, and it wasn’t without reason.
---
Ever since Gavin had met him, Simon had an immense hatred for everyone. He didn’t know his exact age, but he had already been at least two years old when Gavin first saw him on the balcony of Gavin’s apartment six years ago. Simon’s white fur was dirty with mud and knotted and tangled in places, so thin that Gavin could see his bones. But his eyes, bright and blue and fierce, showed that he wasn’t weak.
Gavin had rushed out to the store down the road to buy cat food and scooped it into a bowl, checking every few seconds to make sure the cat was still there. He went to the balcony and sat in the metal chair and watched as the cat ate the food and left as soon as he was done. Gavin almost felt disappointed, but it didn’t last very long when the cat showed up again later that night. Gavin wasted no time in feeding him and watched the cat eat. When he went to pet him, he hissed in a warning but continued eating. Gavin only smiled and sat in his chair and smoked and watched the sunset, thinking about similar fierce blue eyes.
Slowly he worked the cat, which he had named Simon for no particular reason, to eating dry cat food. He came around in the mornings and at night and ate while Gavin smoked. He hadn’t dared touch him since he had hissed at him, but Gavin talked to him instead.
Gavin told him about the boy with the beautiful blue eyes and the smile that was so infectious that you couldn’t help but smile back, and he let himself think that maybe Simon understood what he was saying. He talked about their days when they were young and stupid when they thought it was them against the entire world. He talked about how when he was holding his hand, Gavin felt like he was finally free. He told their story to Simon who only watched him with his fierce eyes as Gavin sobbed. After a month of doing this, Gavin woke up in the evening after falling asleep on the metal chair with something warm and fluffy around his neck. When he opened his eyes, watchful blue eyes were staring at him. That was the day that Simon became his.
Over the years he adopted four other cats. Sherlock, a ragdoll cat, who’s favorite place to perch was on top of the bookshelf and watch over everything. A Birman cat who’s black hair was so fluffy that it was almost spiky that Gavin had named him Phoenix. Orca, a tuxedo cat who was fat and liked to eat Gavin’s food on the counter if he left it unattended for more than two minutes. And Luna, a gray tortoiseshell cat that was very affectionate and would nuzzle Gavin’s hand if he wasn’t petting her.
Maybe five cats was a little too much, and he was one step away from becoming a crazy old cat lady at just the age of twenty-two, but the cats had found him, in a way. He found Orca abandoned in a box, thin and close to death. How could he leave her? His friend who worked at the shelter had begged Gavin to take in Sherlock and Luna otherwise they were going to be put down. And, well, how could Gavin refuse? Phoenix had followed him while he was walking home from the store one day and mewled at the door until Gavin let him in. They were his family, and he loved them more than his biological one, but Simon was his first cat. Every night when Gavin was watching TV, Simon would sit behind his neck and almost seemed to watch the TV with him.
Whenever he had someone over, Simon made it clear that he did not like them. He always hissed at them whenever they got near and would disappear until they were gone. And then he threw a fit for the next few days and wouldn’t sit with Gavin.
When Conan came over for the first time, Simon rubbed against Conan’s leg and purred. It was like they already knew each other, and Gavin wondered if maybe Simon really was listening all those years ago when he told him all his memories that he had of Conan.
---
9:52 A.M.
Conan paced in his dressing room, surely burning a hole into the deep red carpet. He still hadn’t bothered getting dressed, and even as Connor chided him, he couldn’t stop.
It wasn’t that Conan didn’t want to marry Gavin, he’d wanted to marry Gavin since he had shown up in that coffee shop and started to tell him about his cats like they hadn’t just met each other again after seven years. He wasn’t nervous at all. It just that he couldn’t believe it was finally happening. So many things had happened to them, they had both been through so much, and it all led to meeting each other when they were seventeen, only to have that ripped away from them. Conan had lost all hope that he would ever see Gavin again. After all those years of being apart, he didn’t want to see him again just so he could have a relationship with him. While a part of him desperately wanted that, he mostly wanted to be Gavin’s friend. He wanted to argue and bicker over monopoly and read together and look at the stars together and just feel normal again. Because when Conan was with Gavin, he felt normal. He felt like this was where he was supposed to be. He hadn’t felt normal for seven years, not until the moment Gavin walked into the coffee shop and made him feel like his heart was beating again. Conan had planned to just stay his friend and nothing else, of course, things didn’t work out like that.
“Conan, what’s wrong?” Conan finally stopped pacing and turned his attention to his twin, Connor. Connor’s brown eyes were fixated on him, worry etched into his expression as he pulled on his white button-up shirt. Connor was probably worried about him attempting to make a run for it.
“Nothing’s wrong.” And Connor raised his eyebrows in a silent question as Conan smiled brightly at him, tugging off his gray t-shirt and reaching for his own white button-up. No, he was not nervous to marry Gavin. He just wished these few hours would be over until it was time for them to walk down the aisle.
---
“This is so weird,” Gavin chuckled. “Simon doesn’t like anyone this much. Are you sure you’re not hiding catnip in your pocket?”
“I’m positive.” But Conan turned his pockets inside out for proof. He glided his hand across the soft fur of the cat in question that had sat on Conan’s lap as soon as he sat down and Gavin’s couch.
Do you think I should do it? He asked Simon silently.
He’d been debating it ever since he saw Gavin again a few months ago, but this was a considerable risk. Even now, they avoided the subject of the academy, their last month together there, Gavin’s kiss. He didn’t even know if Gavin still felt any attraction for him, but sometimes, he caught Gavin looking at him with that soft look in his eyes that reminded Conan of nights in the garden, their shaking fingers finding each other in the cold. All that was seven years ago. Things were different now. Their conversations were the same, if not more mature, and they so skillfully avoided looking at each other for too long. They avoided sitting too close even though their bodies yearned to be closer. They avoided talking about it, and they avoided thinking about it.
Conan regarded the cat carefully, asking him the silent question again. The cat met his eyes, and Conan fought the urge to look away. It was just a cat, but his piercing blue eyes were so intimidating. Simon broke their gaze first, nuzzling Conan’s hand and stretched himself across his lap. Is that your way of saying I should? Do you approve of me? The cat didn’t move. Of course, it didn’t, Conan would’ve been freaked out if he suddenly started lecturing him about romance. It seemed that this was just something that Conan would have to decide on his own.
Was it worth it? Was Gavin worth Conan putting their friendship on the line, all of it riding on a kiss that happened seven years ago? Albeit, it was a beautiful kiss, it was the kind of kiss that sent fire to blood, made toes curl, the memory of it pressed on his lips for many days afterward.
Was Gavin worth it? Of course, he was. Gavin was always worth it. Conan had spent seven years thinking about Gavin. He rarely left his mind. Some nights when he couldn’t sleep he let himself think about their last moments together. Memories that were too fuzzy and vague for comfort played over and over. The brush of his hand, the warmth of his body as they laid in the same bed. Quiet moments in the garden, moonlight casting a glow on his face. And of course, that kiss, searing hot lips against his own. And then, sobs wracking his chest in the middle of the night, trying to be quiet so Connor wouldn’t hear him in the next room. Hours staring at that little wolf, wasting precious seconds habitually searching for familiar gray eyes in crowds. Unconsciously comparing lover’s lips to his, unknowingly searching for the same heat that he had felt in that kiss, but he never could.
Conan looked at Gavin, who was playing lazily with one of his cats. Orca was her name, Conan remembered. He had a soft smile on his face as he pulled her close to his chest and cuddled her, Orca purring in response. They had spent seven years apart. Conan figured that was a long enough time to wait.
“Gavin, would you like to go on a date with me?”
Gavin’s gray eyes shot up to meet his blue ones, squeezing onto Orca so hard she mewled and raced out of his arms. “Sorry…” He mumbled to her half-heartedly. Conan’s face warmed with each second that passed that Gavin just stared at him.
This might have been a terrible idea. Stupid Simon, you were wrong. Conan bit his lip, chewing on it until he tasted blood. Gavin didn’t say a word, staring at him in such a way that made it impossible for Conan to look away. “Sorry. Disregard my earlier question.”
That seemed to shock Gavin out of his daze. “Wait, what? Oh! W-wait. It’s a yes, I’d love to. Of course, it’s yes.”
Conan couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his lips. “You didn’t say anything for so long.” Conan meant to sound stern, but he only ended up chuckling at himself and his panic.
“Sorry,” Gavin breathed. “I was too busy simultaneously freaking out inside my head and chiding myself for not being the one to ask you first.”
Conan shrugged. “You can ask me out for our second date.”
“Conan, we haven’t even been out on one date, how are you so sure there’s going to be a second?”
“I’m sure.” He leaned forward slowly, Simon scampering off of his lap. He had every intent to finally claim Gavin’s lips in a kiss, but he hesitated, only a breath away from Gavin. As much as he wanted to kiss and ease that hunger for him that had been there for seven years, he didn't want to rush things. He prepared himself to drag himself away before tentative fingers itched up his neck, the cold digits making their way to the back of his neck to play with the strands of hair. Conan was effectively held in place as his eyelids closed automatically as he shuddered at the cold.
Warm lips pressed against his own. There wasn’t a moment of hesitation or awkwardness anymore. The found each other quickly and ultimately, like all they had needed was that one practice kiss seven years ago to get into a perfect rhythm. And Conan found that kissing was a lot better when you didn’t have an audience.
Like all those years ago, electricity soared into his veins, and he shifted closer, his hands finding their place at Gavin’s waist. Gentle movements soon turned into rushed, heated motions, as if they only had a few seconds until they were ripped away from each other. Their lips parted, and they deepened the kiss, shifting closer. Their tongues brushed against each other, and Conan chased after that intoxicating taste that was so undeniably Gavin that he couldn’t force himself away. Gavin’s fingers teased at the base of Conan’s neck, Conan shivering into the kiss. His own fingers pushing underneath Gavin’s shirt and tracing the hot skin he found there, smiling in satisfaction when Gavin made a low noise in his throat.
They pulled away to breathe, Gavin’s warm breath coming across in pants on his face. Conan was reluctant to move away, but he forced himself to. Gavin breathed a laugh as he opened his eyes as gray eyes that had darkened with lust met his own. “Well, if all else fails, at least we know that works,” Gavin said, perhaps trying to lighten the mood. And Gavin just looked so amazing right then, lips red and his face flushed, his shirt hitched halfway up his stomach, that Conan couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward and claiming a short but passionate kiss.
Conan hummed against Gavin’s lips before he pulled away. “Yes, that seems to work very well between us.” Gavin’s lips were still parted, inviting Conan to steal another kiss but he knew if he gave in he doubted that he would ever leave. “I should probably go.”
Gavin’s eyes flashed with disappointment, but he nodded in agreement. “Simon will miss you.” He said as he rose from the couch with Conan and they walked together towards the front door of his apartment.
“I’ll be back,” Conan confirmed because they both knew that Gavin didn’t really mean that cat. Gavin smiled, and Conan couldn’t resist himself from leaning down and kissing Gavin again. But it was different this time, not nearly as rushed and as heated as before. It was a sweet kiss, gentle but still just as passionate. This kiss was a promise of many more to come. “How does Tuesday night work?” He whispered against Gavin’s lips.
“Huh?” He said, a little bit more dazed than before, as if he hadn’t understood Conan’s question at first. “Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday is good. God, I’m not normally this flustered.”
Conan took that as a compliment and moved away from Gavin to slip on his jacket. “I’ll pick you up at eight.”
Gavin smiled at him before nodding goodbye, but Simon mewled at his leg, and he looked down, finally noticing that cat rubbing against his leg. “Okay, I swear you’re drugging my cats. He doesn’t even like me this much. He hates everyone .”
Conan shrugged. “They say that pets often reflect their owners.”
Gavin chuckled. “I don’t hate everyone . I have certain exceptions.”
“As does Simon, it seems.”
“I guess we have the same taste.”
---
10:26 A.M.
“I’m weirdly nervous. It feels like I shouldn’t be.” Gavin said to Tina. She was busy on her phone, but she looked up as he spoke, her short curls falling into her face.
“What are you worrying about?” Tina said, brushing her hair behind her hair. She looked terrific today, and although she wasn’t a part of the wedding party, she had come early just to sit and talk with him while Elijah was off somewhere. No doubt he was with Chloe. Elijah was a great brother when it counted, but he could get really annoying when spending long periods of time with him. Tina made for a much better company. Her lavender dress bunched around her legs as she sat on the barstool, light purple lace accented the skirt and the bodice, spreading to cover her shoulders. She wore light yellow wedges that he didn’t think would go with the color of her dress but they surprisingly complemented it nicely. Her hair was down for the occasion, and she had finished curling her hair only a few minutes ago, the strands just barely reaching her chin and framing her face.
“Just all the planning and the anticipation is getting to me. I love Conan, but, Jesus, I just want this to be over with. I feel like once I see him, I’ll be fine. Just all the worrying and waiting is making things so much worse.” She raised her eyebrows at him, she knew there was something else, he couldn’t help but sigh as he continued. “I’m worried that being married is going to change things. Like I have to start acting differently or whatever. I know I don’t, and Conan loves me for who I am, but what if this whole marriage thing changes us ?”
“You two have nothing to worry about. You’re so perfect together, I’m almost spiteful.”
“I don’t know if perfect describes us. Perfect .” He spits the word out like it was acid, and he started to button up his white shirt. “Some days we aren’t good with each other. We have fights about the stupidest things. I do a lot of things that piss him off. I think… made for each other is a better phrase.” He said, his voice turning soft as he slowed in his task. “We were in the right place at the right time. We’re two people that are not perfect together but, against all the odds, we work together. We fit, almost like two puzzle pieces, as cheesy and as gross as that sounds. If it was anyone else but Conan, they and I it wouldn’t work. But it is Conan. And he is the love of my life. And against all odds, against all of our perfectly reasonable doubts, we work.”
“What do you mean, against all the odds and doubts?”
“I mean that there were a lot of reasons to stay away. When I saw him again for the first time, I stood outside the front door of the coffee shop for twenty minutes simultaneously trying to talk myself into it and out of it. I almost didn’t do it. But I told myself that I owed it to both of us to at least try. If it went well or not, it didn’t matter. At least we tried. It went so so well, I was terrified of it. So terrified I almost ditched him again. I told myself I would go say goodbye to him and that would be it between us. I had convinced myself that what happened was just a weird coincidence and it was supposed to act as some kind of closure and not the rekindling of a friendship.”
“What convinced you to stay?”
“Connor.”
“His brother?”
“Yes. Connor told me something that erased any doubt I had in my mind.”
“I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me?”
“Nope.” He smirked.
“Fine, but I don’t know what you mean. You guys sound pretty perfect.”
His lips pressed into a firm line as sat at the table next to her and picked at a bowl of pretzels. “Perfect doesn’t describe us. Neither one of us are perfect, and we aren’t always happy with each other. When we get married, it’s not gonna be like some perfect fairy tale ending, because it’s not an ending for us. It’s not a beginning either. It’s kind of our middle, a bridge we have to cross.”
“You’re oddly sentimental today.”
He threw a pretzel at her. “I’m getting married. I think today of all days I get to be sentimental.” He smiled.
“You can get back to your egotistical, coffee addicted, asshole self once you’re back at work.”
He smirked. “I can’t wait.” His smile fell as he stuck a pretzel halfway in his mouth, sucking the salt from it without actually eating it. Although talking to Tina had helped, it only brought his attention to just how imperfect they really were. They didn’t fight a lot, but when they did, it was something terrible. He started to wonder how much of it was the usual couple issues.
“Gavin…” Tina started. He shook his head, he’d been staring into space for a few minutes, and Tina always knew when something was wrong. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. If everything you just told me is true, then you don’t have to worry about anything changing or going wrong with you guys. The fact of the matter is that no matter how many times you fight you always come back together and makeup. If anything changes between you, it’s not gonna be something bad.”
He broke into humor-less laughter, running his hand through his hair. “God, I’m gonna start crying in the middle of the ceremony, aren’t I?”
“It’s pretty likely. But I just know there’s gonna be a good robbery or a good assault and battery case when you get back to work that will make sure to make you feel all manly again.” She said mockingly.
“I’m not gonna cry just to spite you.”
She only rolled her eyes.
---
This was it. Gavin was going to do it. He cracked his neck and knuckles, psyching himself up to just ring the fucking doorbell already and do what he came to do.
He was here to say goodbye.
Gavin knew it was the right thing to say goodbye in person, Conan deserved more than a goodbye text. This would give them closure. So instead of going out to eat as they planned, Gavin would break the news that this would be the last time they would hang out, he would give bullshit excuses, stupid things to say that would hide what he was feeling, and if Conan still wanted to hang out with him afterward than they would. But it would be the last time.
He had to do it. Just get it over with before the night even started. He couldn’t spend the whole night acting like everything was fine and give Conan hope and then shatter that as he dropped him off. Gavin took a deep breath, steeling himself, and pressed the doorbell for a few seconds, hearing it ring through the door. Immediately a dog barked its head off on the other side of the door, and Gavin instinctively took a step back. It wasn’t that he didn’t like dogs, he just didn’t like being jumped on by one.
The door opened, and Gavin smiled as soon as he saw the familiar figure but cocked his head in confusion when he realized it wasn’t Conan. From just a few seconds, Gavin could see that this person was completely different. He moved less robotically, a little clumsily as he banished the dog to a separate area of the house. Gavin’s suspicions were confirmed when he finally showed his face. He looked very similar, but he had deep brown eyes instead of blue, his features were softer, not as jarring as Conan’s were. He was only confused for another few seconds before he remembered that Conan had a fraternal twin.
He was about to say hello when Gavin heard yelling from inside and he could make out Conan’s calming voice from inside too. His eyebrows quirked in confusion as he heard glass shattering from inside and Conan’s twin seemed to shrink at the noise. He quickly shut the door behind him as he stepped outside to join Gavin.
“Uhh, hi. Sorry, it seems like you’re busy. I can come back later.” He twisted on his heel to walk away, but he only made a few steps when the twin’s voice halted him.
“You’re Gavin, aren’t you?” He turned around, slowly nodding. “I’m Connor.”
“Right, yeah, he talked about you a little bit.” That was seven years ago, but Gavin still remembered most things, if not almost everything that happened with Conan. Everything important at least. He blinked his eyes a few times as if that would erase the memories he had tried so hard to forget. Memories that were only painful at this point. “We were supposed to hang out, but I think I’m just gonna go.”
“Wait!” He took a step back at Connor’s abruptness. “If you just wait a few minutes I’m sure he’ll be out soon.”
Gavin’s heart started to pound, and he wasn’t sure if he dared to do it anymore. Not the leaving or the apologizing, it was seeing Conan again that scared the shit out of him. It was seeing those eyes that seemed to paralyze him that caused his hands to shake and his palms to sweat. Then there was that tiny bit hope he felt with Conan, that hope that made Gavin think he could indeed be happy. It was a horrible feeling, and he didn’t want to experience it any longer. Especially when he surely didn’t deserve it. “No...no. I think it’s better if I leave now… before this gets worse for either one of us.”
“No, trust me, it won’t make anything worse for Conan. Nothing can make it worse for him.”
Intrigued, Gavin met Connor’s eyes. “What do you mean?”
“I’m sure he’s told you about our alcoholic dad, and how he takes care of him.” Gavin nodded, not feeling the need to speak any words, he wasn’t sure if they would come out without any stutters. Connor sat on the concrete steps, patting the space next to him. Gavin sat down reluctantly, the cold stone already biting through his jeans. “It’s gotten worse. And it’s harder for him now that he doesn’t have the academy to go to. He keeps getting fired from jobs because he’s late to work all the time, and he refuses to let me share the burden.”
“I’m sorry.” Gavin didn’t know what else to say.
“He always comes home looking drained, he works himself too hard, and he can’t even sleep properly. I hear him wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares. It’s like he can’t get a break. And then two days ago…” Connor trailed off as if searching for words to say. “He came back… different. Not necessarily happy, just like pleasantly surprised. I caught him smiling and staring at the window far more frequently. I finally got him to tell me what was happening this morning. About how he saw you again.”
Gavin felt like was being stabbed in the chest, he didn’t know it had been that bad for Conan. Conan deserved to be able to smile and not have people think it was weird or out of the ordinary. Conan deserved a fucking break. Conan deserved to be happy. Conan deserved someone better than Gavin. He was more trouble than he was worth.
“Thank you for being here.” Gavin’s breath caught in his throat. He turned to face Connor, who had been staring at the ground like him for this whole time, he was now looking at Gavin with a smile that was so sincere that Gavin surely didn’t deserve it. “It means a lot to him to know that you’re back and talking to him after being away for so long.”
“He didn’t even miss me,” Gavin spoke softly as if he spoke too loud he’d shatter the cool facade he’d placed over himself. He should have never left Conan all those years ago. He should have never gone into the coffee shop. He should have never shown up to his house. Gavin should've just stayed away.
“When Conan came back, he was the happiest I’ve ever seen him in years. That was the first day. And then suddenly he was sad. All the time. He didn’t really show it, but I could always tell. He’s my twin , I know him. He carried around something in his pocket and took it out when he thought no one was looking. He’d stare at it, or run his fingers over it for comfort. I don’t know what it was, but I think you do.” He knew what it was. Of course, he knew what it was. He’d seen him playing with it at the cafe. The little wolf Gavin had given him seven years ago on the morning they left the academy. “I think he left a huge piece of himself at the academy. I think that was you.”
“What…” Gavin said dumbly. His mind was racing. His knee bobbed up and down, matching the pace of his thoughts. He couldn’t believe that Conan had carried it around all these years, the same way Gavin had carried around Never Let Me Go . Even now, it was stuffed in his coat pocket, worn and torn from years of reading and re-reading and stained with old tears.
“He always wants to take care of other people. Take care of me, take care of our dad, probably take care of you too. But he needs someone to take care of him.”
Gavin couldn’t believe he had shown up here ready to tell Conan that this was the last time they’d seen each other. He was such a fucking dumbass. He ran his hands through his hair, pulling on the strands until his scalp burned. He wasn’t going to leave now. Gavin promised himself that he wouldn’t be the one that hurt Conan ever again.
The door creaked behind him, and Gavin shot to his feet, shoving his hands in his pocket and trying to look like he wasn’t on the verge of tears. Conan was dressed in black dress pants with a black turtleneck that didn’t cover his neck entirely. He pulled on a slate gray duffle coat and smiled at Conan, the unusually chilly autumn air already bringing pink to his cheeks. As soon as he saw him, his heart seemed to calm back to its normal rhythm.
Gavin cleared his throat. “So I was thinking Olive Garden, cause I am really in the mood for some of those breadsticks, but if you have another place in mind, then we can go there.”
Conan shook his head, “I love the fettucini alfredo there.”
“Good,” He smiled at Connor who was making his way inside.
“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting long. I just had to finish some things up.”
“No, you’re brother kept me company. I can see why you talked about him so much at the academy.” He froze, the words falling out of his lips so naturally, he hadn’t even thought about it. They’d been carefully dodging the subject of the academy up until now, only focusing on meaningless things like Gavin’s new position at the Detroit Police Department or the new book Conan was reading. He didn’t know why they had held back, perhaps it was that the time brought back a lot of painful memories with his father or it had something to do with a kiss that left Gavin unsatisfied and confused for years. There was really no question to it, Gavin knew it was the latter. Every part of Gavin wanted to roll into a ball and die, but he pushed through. “God… the academy. I remember everything that happened. I feel like if I didn’t go there when I did, I’d be in the street shooting heroin through my eyeballs.”
Conan chuckled as they arrived at Gavin’s car. “No, you’d be fine.”
“I think you’re overestimating my mental state. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I… might not even be alive.”
They got situated in the car before Conan made a response. “I’m glad I was able to help you, somewhat.”
“Somewhat? Conan, you were everything.” He faced Conan and even though his heart pounded in his chest and his face burned as he kept looking at those depthless blue eyes. “You are everything.”
Conan didn’t respond, and Gavin quickly turned away, ready to turn the car on, but Conan grabbed his wrist, and Gavin hoped that Conan couldn’t feel how dangerously fast his pulse was. “Thank you,” Conan said quietly, and Gavin dared to meet his eyes, and his fingers slid down his wrist to intertwine their fingers, sparking old memories in Gavin’s mind. Breathing suddenly became a lot harder to do.“Thank you… for coming back. I almost expected you to convince yourself that you needed to stay away. I’m glad you surprised me.”
Gavin sucked in a breath, how did Conan know that that was what he was planning to do? Of course, he did, it was Conan. Even after seven years, he still knew Gavin better than anyone else did. “I’m always gonna come back.”
Conan squeezed his hand in response, Gavin hesitantly squeezed back. Maybe they were only brought together by a set of fucked up coincidences, but they were still brought together for some reason. Gavin just had to believe that that reason was a good thing and ignore what his anxieties were telling him. He would just have to look at Conan more often now because it seemed that all those anxieties fell away whenever he did. Gavin found that he didn’t have a problem with that, Conan was nice to look at.
---
1:50 P.M.
Gavin flattened the collar of his shirt over his jacket one last time, fussing with it for what felt like the twentieth time in the previous five minutes. “Calm down, Gavin,” Tina said, appearing next to him. “You look great. Pink’s a good color on you.”
He rolled his eyes, the only section of pink in his clothing was his pocket square, and it’s wasn’t even pink. “It’s Indian Red.” He corrected her gently, a soft smile on his face, remembering the many times Conan had insisted that it was indeed Indian Red and not pink. He’d gotten slapped upside the head with magazines many different times for making the same joke over and over again. Gavin had only chuckled and kissed his fiance’s cheek, loving the blush that came to his freckled cheeks.
“Sure it is,” She patted his shoulder placatingly and picked up her bag from the table. “I should probably go, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Bye, Tina.”
He bent down to accommodate her height as she kissed him on the cheek. “Knock ‘em dead, killer.”
Elijah appeared at his side a few moments later, as if sensing that fact that Gavin was alone and Elijah needed to fill the silence. Gavin fiddled with his coat sleeves again, they always slid out of place whenever he moved. “I’m being honest when I say that I never thought this day would come.”
Gavin rolled his eyes and was about to come up with a sarcastic response when he saw Elijah’s serious face. “I’m really proud of you. I thought for a while there that you were going to become bitter and alone like Dad was, like he expected you to. I’m proud that you proved him wrong. I’m proud that you’re strong enough that he didn’t corrupt you. I’m just proud.”
Gavin blinked away tears as his brother clapped him on the back so casually. “Let’s get going, we don’t want you to be late for your big moment.”
Gavin’s stomach clenched with nerves as he left his dressing room with Elijah. “You have the rings?”
“Yes.”
“You’ll make sure Nana and Papa get to the hall on time?”
“Yes.”
“You’ll make sure that the caterer knows where to put the food?”
“Gavin, yes . Chloe and I have it all handled so you don’t have to worry about things.” Gavin raised his eyebrow at him and watched as Elijah sighed in defeat. “Alright, so Chloe has it all handled. But I did help.” Gavin raised his eyebrow even higher. “Okay, fine. I was just moral support.”
“That’s more like it.” Gavin smiled for a moment but it quickly faded, he was already getting nervous again. He wrung his hands as he walked down the hallway. It was moments like these when Gavin missed Simon the most. Simon always cuddled up to him when he was upset, making Gavin feel a million times better. He wasn’t here anymore, and Conan had tried his best to hold Gavin when he was unsettled, and it did help, but it wasn’t the same as Simon.
Conan. Where was Conan now?
Oh.
Gavin turned the corner and saw him. His heart seemed to stop and start all on his own again, hammering thunder inside his chest. Just like the first time he saw him again almost three years ago. Conan was in a similar suit jacket to his. While Gavin’s outfit was more laid back with the collared shirt being left so open that it revealed his collarbones and the beginnings of his chest hair, Conan had instead opted to wear a vest that was in the same Indian Red color as Gavin’s pocket square, with a simple black tie underneath it. All of Gavin’s anxieties melted away once he saw Conan since he couldn’t stop thinking about how fucking gorgeous he looked. He strode down the hallway much faster than he usually would have. Conan heard his footsteps and turned to face him, a bright smile on his face. Gavin gently gripped Conan’s face and pulled him down for a kiss, relishing in the way Conan melted into it the same way he had, his arms going to wrap around Gavin’s waist.
They broke away and rested their foreheads against each other, their smiles seemingly unbreakable. “It’s so weird to finally be here,” Gavin whispered.
“I know. Finally .” He smiled earnestly at him, dimples appearing on his cheeks. They kissed one last time before Romanza started playing. “That’s our cue.”
Gavin raised his eyebrows, his heart pounding in his chest. He hadn’t even noticed Connor and Elijah go in yet. But he nodded, and took Conan’s hand, threading their fingers together. The doors opened for them as they walked down the aisle, hand in hand, side by side.
---
Gavin didn’t even notice that Simon was sick, that was the worst part. Conan had been the one to point out that he wasn’t eating his food, and he was vomiting more and more. He was the one that noticed that Simon was moving slower than usual. Conan had tried to make him feel better by making excuses for him. It wasn’t Gavin’s fault he didn’t notice, things had been so gradual. Conan only noticed because he wasn’t around every day. It didn’t help though. Nothing helped.
Simon was his first friend when he’d moved. He’d always been there for Gavin, whether it be curling up behind his neck or lurking in a different room when Gavin had a guest over. He was still there for him when things went downhill. When the nights got too lonely, and he couldn’t sleep or eat or do anything, Simon was the first one to show up by his side and nuzzle his cheek. And when it mattered most, Gavin couldn’t even do the same.
Conan was there by his side as they waited for the vet to come out and meet them and bring good news. He was there when she told them that there was nothing she could do, it was just old age. And then when Simon couldn’t jump on the couch anymore, Conan was there when she suggested that it was time.
Gavin didn’t believe it at first. Simon was strong. He had survived for years in streets living off trash and dead rats. He had survived all those years. He would survive this. Then Gavin saw just how miserable Simon was. At that moment he pulled Simon to his chest, and for once, Simon didn’t resist. Maybe he was too tired to.
Conan had been there by his side when they sat in the examination room. Simon was quiet, he barely stirred. Maybe he knew what was coming as much as Gavin did, although he tried to deny it. But when she picked up the needle, Gavin couldn’t stop himself from stopping her. “Wait… can you please just give us a moment alone,” She nodded and left the room without another word.
Gavin knelt on the ground by the table and got eye level with him. Simon’s bright blue eyes stared back, just as ominous and fierce as the day he had come into Gavin’s life. Conan joined his side a moment later, taking Gavin’s hand his and kissing his knuckles and Gavin absentmindedly stroked Simon’s fur with his other hand. “I’m so sorry this is happening, Gav.”
“He was kind of old when he came along. I was expecting it. But not this soon. I thought there would be more time. He’s been there since the beginning. He was there for everything. I was so alone before he came along, and now that he’s going to be just gone…” Gavin’s voice broke on the last word, and he blinked away tears.
Conan wrapped his arm around him then and pulled him close, and Gavin nestled his head on Conan’s chest. “I know it’s hard. I’m sorry you have to go through this. But, listen, you’re not gonna be alone anymore. I’m here. I love you, and we’re gonna make it through this together. I’m not leaving your side.”
“I just wish there was something else we could do, just a little more time with him.”
“He’s in pain, Gav. He’s ready to go.”
Gavin nodded. He knew Conan was right. He pulled away from Conan and stood, calling in the vet again. Conan gripped onto his hand just as tightly when she gripped onto Simon’s leg and stuck in the needle. Gavin scratched behind Simon’s ears the whole time, even when his bright blue eyes closed. Gavin closed his eyes and leaned against Conan as he heard Simon exhale for the last time.
Two months later they sat in the apartment that was now decorated with Conan’s things as well, they opened the cardboard box. Gavin pulled out the glass object, it resting heavily in his palm. The glass was jet black with specks of silver inside making it look like a starry night sky. Simon’s paw print was pressed on the glass with his name engraved beneath it. Gavin stood to set it on the top shelf of the bookshelf, Simon’s favorite place besides behind Gavin’s neck. Conan wrapped his arms around Gavin’s waist from behind and set his chin on Gavin’s shoulder, Gavin automatically leaned back into his embrace. Their apartment felt weird without Simon there, but Gavin was starting to feel better at least. He knew that at least Simon wasn’t in pain anymore, and that’s what really mattered to him.
Conan kissed his neck sweetly and pulled him closer, Gavin knew that Conan missed Simon almost as much as he did. He wasn’t sure what else would be in store for them, but Gavin knew as long as they dealt with it together they would be okay. As long as they were together, they could get through anything.
---
2:04 P.M.
Conan clasped onto Gavin’s hand, and they walked together down the aisle, the classical music playing through the speakers as their family stood and watched eagerly. Conan could see everyone, his and Gavin’s closest co-workers, Conan’s little cousins and old family friends. Gavin’s grandparents standing in the front row next to Chloe and Tina. There wasn’t a lot of people here since they didn’t feel the need to invite people they hadn’t spoken to in five years, but all the important people were here.
There, at the end of the aisle was his father. He had almost cried when he and Gavin had asked him to officiate, and Conan pretended not to see how he was almost crying now. As hard and as gruff that his dad seemed to be, he was actually a big softie. At least, he was for his sons.
If it wasn’t for Gavin, his dad might not even be here. He squeezed his partner’s hand tighter as they made it to the end of the aisle, the music lulled to a stop, and everyone took their seats. His stomach doing somersaults as he turned to face Gavin and joined hands with him.
Hank cleared his throat and gave Conan a small smile. “Welcome, everyone. We’re here today to share with Conan Anderson and Gavin Reed an important moment in their lives. In their time together, they have seen their love, and their understanding of each other grow, and now they have decided to live out the rest of their lives as one.” Conan couldn’t help but smile, he knew for sure that his dad had gotten that from the internet somewhere.
Hank cleared his throat again. “Excuse me for deviating from what I have memorized,” Conan shot a quick look of panic at Gavin, but Gavin only smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “For those of you who didn’t watch Conan grow up, you should know that he was a very quiet kid. He never misbehaved, if he did, it was to protect someone else. My son, he’s always taken care of people, and has never really taken care of himself in return.” He felt a blush rise to his cheeks, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to have Hank do this. “I don’t remember Conan ever truly being happy. And that’s probably my fault. But then he met Gavin. When Gavin came around, Conan finally started to smile again like he did when he was a little kid and he thought it was a good idea to ride down the stairs in a little wooden cart.” Conan did his best not to grimace. He had chipped his front tooth during that little experiment. “Gavin’s a good man. He’s honest, a little stubborn and very kind. I’m glad that he’s officially joining our family, even though in my mind he’s been a part of the family basically since Conan introduced him to me. My point is, there have never been two people that are more meant for each other than Gavin and Conan are, and you all have no idea how proud I am to be standing here today officiating their wedding.”
Conan broke away from Gavin to give Hank a quick hug. Hank surprised him when he held on tightly and whispered that he was proud of them both.
A little bleary-eyed, Conan stepped away from his father and joined hands with Gavin again. “Anyways,” Hank continued. “Let’s get started with the vows, shall we?”
---
It was a cold day. Freezing, but Conan could barely feel it as they stepped outside the rehabilitation center. Gavin followed him without a word as Conan walked in the opposite direction of the parking lot and headed for the small lake by a cluster of trees adjacent to the center. He found a bench by the lake and sat down on it, Gavin joining him a moment later.
It was harder than he thought, checking his father into rehab. He’d needed to go for years, but Conan had never really pushed. He didn’t want to admit that there was something wrong with his father. He wanted to believe for a long time that Hank was the way he was because he chose to be. He never saw it as an addiction, like something his father had no real control over. He had been stuck holding a silent grudge against his father for years, blaming him for making Conan take care of him because he didn’t want to face the truth.
When Gavin first suggested rehab to Conan, Conan had told him to stay out of it. Then when Gavin found Conan cleaning up broken glass from a beer bottle, he suggested it again. He refused for a long time. Even when Connor suggested it, Conan either said it wasn’t an option, or he ignored it entirely.
He didn’t know exactly when he changed his mind. He thought it was some time after Gavin lost his cat and before he saw Hank sobbing on the bathroom floor. Tears pooled in his eyes at the memory of his father who had always seemed so strong, looking so helpless. His first concern had been money, he couldn’t afford the cost, he and Connor could barely afford the rent of the house. When he told Gavin, Gavin insisted on paying.
“Please, let me do it.”
“Gav, I can’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering.”
“How do you even have the money for that?”
“Well, my dad left half his money to Elijah and half to me. I never used it. I didn’t want to have to depend on him for shit. So I saved it, and it’s been sitting in the bank ever since he died in that car crash. If I’m gonna use it for something, I want it to be for this.”
“You should save it, I’ll figure it out somehow. I’ll sell the house.”
“No. Please, don’t do that. That’s your childhood home. That’s where all your memories are.”
“Gavin, why do you want to do this for us?”
“Because I like your dad, and he deserves to get better. Because Connor would be eternally grateful to me and make me his amazing cupcakes whenever I ask.” He cocked a grin, but it faded into a sincere smile as he took Conan’s hands in his, seemingly unable to meet Conan’s eyes. “Because Hank is the closest thing I’ll ever have to a loving father, and I want him to get better too.” He moved his gaze up to meet Conan’s eyes. “Because you’re my partner and I love you, I want to be there for you. I want to help you with things like this, cause we are partners. We handle the burden together.”
That was the moment Conan knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Gavin, in their dingy apartment that was completely covered in cat hair.
He didn’t know what he was feeling at that moment. He was mostly sad because he knew that Hank had to go to a rehab center because he was too old to try and detox by himself. But he also so grateful that Gavin was here for it all, holding his hand while he signed the papers and carrying Hank’s duffle bag of clothes. “Thank you for coming with me. I would’ve asked Connor, but he’s working. I don’t mean to burden you, but I needed someone with me today.”
“Don’t thank me, and please don’t ever think you’re burdening me. I’m your partner, we do this together. You’ve always been there for me when I needed it. You’re the reason why I am who I am today. The least I can do it return the favor. And besides, I like Hank. He makes me feel like I’m part of the family too.”
“You are part of the family,” Conan said, shoving his freezing hands in his pockets.
He heard Gavin inhale quickly, when he looked at him, his normally gray eyes had turned into a wild ice blue. His warm breath came out in clouds that fanned over Conan’s face. Gavin took one of Conan’s freezing hands in his, taking it out of the pocket. Gavin’s hand was surprisingly warm, spreading the heat to his fingers. “Fuck… okay. Conan? Will you… marry me?”
Conan could only stare at him in shock.
“I know this may be kind of a bad time, but I want to spend the rest of my life returning the favor to you. You’re my best friend, my family, my partner. You, Conan, you’re the only one for me. You always have been. Since we were seventeen.” He laughed a little when Conan still could not find the words to respond. “Yes, sorry, wrong time. I see that now. So you can take your time and-”
“Yes.” Conan breathed.
“Yes? Was that a yes or am I hallucinating?”
“Yes,” Conan said firmly and pulled Gavin in for a kiss. When they pulled away, Conan intertwined their fingers. “You’re the only one for me too. Always. Of course, it’s a yes.”
Tears dusted Conan’s eyes for a different reason now. Happiness.
---
2:13 P.M.
Gavin went first, glancing at a piece of paper in his pocket before shoving it back into his pocket after deciding he didn’t need it. He retook Conan’s hands, rubbing the back of his hands with his thumb. “I know people always say that on this day, they give their life or their heart or hand or whatever to their spouse, but I don’t have to. My hand has been yours to hold since we were seventeen. My life has been yours to share since we were twenty-four.” He paused to press a kiss to Conan’s knuckles. Then he pressed Conan’s palm to his chest, where he knew Conan could feel his heart beating rapidly. “My heart has always been yours. If I know how to love, it is because you taught me how.
“We almost didn’t make it here, because I almost let go. So, today, I promise to never let you go. Even if everything around us is trying to rip us apart, I’ll only hold on tighter. Because by your side is where I was always meant to be.”
He watched as Conan blinked away tears and wiped away the few that escaped, he watched Conan clear his throat, and stare at him with his intense blue eyes that he would happily drown in. “I don’t need you to promise me that you’ll be faithful or honest. I don’t need you to tell me that you’ll support me and care for me. I don’t need you to promise me these things because you have always done these things, and I have never doubted that you won’t. Some days, you doubt yourself. But today I promise to never doubt you, and I promise to help carry whatever burden you may have. Because as partners, we carry it together.”
Gavin held it together, blinking back the few tears. But he wasn’t prepared for Conan to take a step forward and whisper words that were only meant for him. “I promise to always see you when others don’t. I promise to remind you every day that you are completely breathtaking.” It was those words and the feeling of nostalgia that broke Gavin, causing the tears he had held in to fall freely down his cheeks. Conan only smiled and wiped them away with his thumb.
Gavin stepped forward as Conan took a step back, pulling him in for a chaste kiss. “Sorry...I just had to.” Gavin whispered, knowing that Conan would remember. Indeed he did, as a blush crept up his cheeks.
“May we see the rings?” Hank asked after they had stepped away from each other. Elijah handed him Conan’s ring, and Connor gave him Gavin’s ring. They were simple tungsten wedding rings, neither of them wanted anything flashy.
Hank nodded to Gavin and Gavin took Conan’s left hand. “I, Gavin Reed, give you, Conan Anderson, this ring as a symbol of our love and respect for each other.” The band slid easily onto Conan’s finger.
Gavin couldn't stop his hand from trembling as Conan took his left hand gently in his, making eye contact as he spoke the words softly. “I, Conan Anderson, give you, Gavin Reed, this ring as a symbol of our love and respect for each other.” The silver ring slid onto Gavin’s finger, and Gavin felt like it should have been there his whole life.
“With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss your husband.”
Gavin didn’t wait a single second, he took a step forward met Conan’s lips in a kiss, the cheering and applause fading into the background.
---
6:27 P.M.
“I’m tired, and we haven’t even entered the hall yet.” Gavin sighed, leaning his head against Conan’s shoulder as they waited for the DJ to introduce them.
“We’ll get some coffee in you soon. To be honest, I’m surprised you're still conscious. It’s been hours since you had your last cup.”
“Yes, be proud of me.”
“Oh, trust me, I am.” They were silent for a moment as they stole another kiss from each other in the dimly lit hallway.
“Am I supposed to feel different?” Gavin asked, thumbing the metal band on his finger.
“What do you mean?”
“Is there supposed to be some big change in us now that we’re married?”
“My hand feels different with the ring on it, calling you my husband feels strange on my tongue. But I don’t feel a huge change. I’m no deeper in love with you than I was yesterday, perhaps it’s because it’s not possible.”
They took another moment to share a kiss, the DJ was late with announcing them. “This is almost like a formality. A huge party expensive party to appease family members. I feel like I’ve been married to you for a while now.”
“Agreed. I feel like I’ve been married to you since the day I called you my partner.”
“So, a month after we started dating.”
“That sounds about right. We’ve been waiting for each other for years. As you said, your heart has always been mine. Well, mine has always been yours as well. I think it has been yours since the day you opened up to me and showed me your scars in that tiny dorm room.”
The DJ took that moment to announce them as newly-weds before Gavin could take the chance to pull Conan into the nearest room and show him exactly what else there was of Gavin that was Conan’s to hold. And it wasn’t his hand.
Gavin resisted the urge and followed Conan into the room. Neither of them had seen it yet, and they took a moment to appreciate the fantastic job that Chloe had done. Fairy lights stretched across the ceiling. Each round table had a large tree extending from the middle of it, Edison bulbs hanging from the bare branches, it reminded Gavin of those winter nights when they would walk in the garden of the academy and hold hands. Indian Red napkins wrapped around the silverware and were held together by a silver ring that matched the metal of their wedding bands. The head table where the wedding party would be sitting was decorated much like the others, and he could see Connor, Elijah, and Chloe sitting together and talking. Their cake was set up in the corner next to the gift table, and Chloe had set up a poster with their initials for the guests to sign. Chloe had done an excellent job, it indeed was beautiful. He took Conan by the hand to the table. After hours of picture taking and only being able to snack on pretzels, Gavin was really hungry.
---
When the DJ announced that it was time to cut the cake, Gavin was already standing, holding his hand out for Conan to take. It was exquisite, buttercream frosting with piped swirls decorated across the three tiers. A strip of black fondant adorned the bottom of each level, each piece accented with light pink roses and small leaves.
They carefully cut the cake the way they had practiced, and he kept in mind the promise they had made to each other, and he resisted the urge to smash the cake in Gavin’s face as they linked arms to feed it to each other. He saw Gavin’s smirk and groaned just as the cake made contact with his cheek, miraculously not falling on his suit. He glared at Gavin, who only shrugged as if to say What? Did you really expect me not to do it? Conan couldn’t stay mad for long but planned to take his revenge later.
Conan was good at a lot of things. His photographic memory helped out a lot of course, but some of it, like his talent with math, was just natural.
Dancing, however, he was not a natural at. Still, he stood with Gavin alone on the dance floor. Once the music started, he let Gavin take the lead, guiding him across the floor. Conan couldn't move his gaze from his feet, trying to make sure he didn’t step on Gavin’s toes. When Gavin started singing along softly to the chorus, Conan lost all focus and tilted his head up to meet Gavin’s eyes. “You’re one of the few things that I’m sure of...You’re one of the few things that I know already I could build my world of…”
They had chosen this song together, but it didn’t sound the same as when the words were being whispered into Conan’s ear by Gavin, his husband. “One of the few things that I’m sure of… And I want you to unravel me…” Conan soon forgot about the world as their positioned shifted, moving from the traditional waltz pose into something more intimate. “Come closer...come closer…” Gavin sang as Conan pulled Gavin against his chest, his arms encircling his waist like they had many times before and Gavin reaching his arms around Conan’s neck to play with his hair. They moved in slow circles in the dance floor, barely keeping up with the beat of the song. “Come closer… Come closer…”
“I love you,” Conan said right before their lips met. Conan was so entranced by Gavin that he almost didn’t notice when the music stopped. In Conan’s mind, he could still hear Gavin’s low voice in his ear. He would have to ask Gavin to sing for him more.
---
12:38 A.M.
“I didn’t think it would be possible to be this tired,” Gavin said, leaning his head against Conan’s shoulder as they stepped outside into the chilly spring air.
Conan didn’t respond, and Gavin lifted his head up to look at him properly. “What is it?” He asked.
“I was thinking,” Conan began, “What if we opened up our house to foster kids? I keep thinking about how you must have felt when you were only eight years old, and you had to leave the only home you’ve ever known and go and live with a guy you barely knew. He didn’t treat you right, and I know that some kids have to deal with that. We have that extra bedroom, and another one we use for an office, but we don’t really use it. It was just an idea.” Conan finished his rambling and took in a deep breath, looking at Gavin expectantly.
“I think it’s a great idea,” Gavin said, his fatigue forgotten as he looked into Conan’s eyes. He knew it was, as soon as Conan mentioned it he knew it was the next step for them.
“You do?” Conan asked, a smile breaking out across his lips.
“Yes.” They were definitely not ready for a baby, not anytime soon. But Gavin’s heart felt full at the idea of caring for a child that was just as lost as he used to be, of earning that child’s trust. He felt elated only at the thought. He knew it would take work, that relationships and gaining confidence didn’t happen naturally, but Gavin wanted to put in the work.
Conan beamed as their lips met in yet another kiss, this one filled with promises and hopes for the future. For once, Gavin thought that the word perfect was the only word to describe that moment.
---
Five years later…
“Daddy! Papa!” Their little girl yelled as a warning before she jumped into their waiting arms.
“Happy birthday, Cece,” Conan said, pulling her out of the hug to kiss her forehead. Her bright blue eyes shown with happiness, and they looked so much like Conan’s that Gavin swore that she had inherited them from him, never mind the fact that she wasn’t biologically related to them.
“We’re going today, right?” She asked as Gavin took her backpack from her shoulders and waved goodbye to her teacher.
“Yep, we’re going to go home and change, and we’ll meet Grandpa and everyone else at the courthouse,” Conan confirmed as she walked between them, holding one of their hands in each of hers as they walked to the car.
Cecelia gave them a huge grin, one he didn’t think he’d ever see two years ago, but a lot had happened since she came to them. She was so shy back then and preferred to hide behind her mess of curly brown hair instead of making eye contact. She rarely left her room and didn’t want to eat most days. She wasn’t the first kid to stay at their home, and she wouldn’t be the last, and while she was shy like the others, there was something different about her. Gavin didn’t know if she was ever going to be able to trust them, but they didn’t give up her. He and Conan did their best to be consistent for her, tried not to be too overbearing or too aloof, they wanted to be someone she could depend on.
Slowly but surely, she opened up to them. It started with her not darting to her room immediately after school. She instead would sit on the couch with Gavin in silence while he read his book, which he eventually began reading out loud to her. She sat on the kitchen counter and watched Conan cook, helping him out whenever she could. She played with Phoenix and Orca and started asking for Conan for help with her math homework. And then suddenly once she began talking about something she was excited about, she never really seemed to stop. But she never annoyed Gavin or Conan, they were just glad she seemed to be happy with them. His heart had pounded when she finally started calling the house her home. And the first time she smiled, at one of Gavin’s corny jokes no less, it seemed to light up his world. From the first moment she smiled, Gavin knew she was meant to be theirs.
He felt a weird sort of pride in his chest for her whenever she made a new friend at school or got a good grade on a project that he knew she had worked really hard on. He even came to her horrible school play and recorded it too. He had a great video of her dancing around in the lamb costume Chloe had made for her. He somehow always found the right words to say when she was upset and knew precisely what kind of stickers to get her as a present for when she aced a math test. He found himself instinctively knowing what type of chicken nuggets to buy at the grocery store, and how to quietly discipline her when she begged him for a chocolate bar in the middle of the checkout line.
She even had Elijah wrapped around her finger, and he’d made her animals that were just like Gavin’s. He learned how to braid her curly hair, and now he could sit still for hours on end just coloring with her. He found himself not even being annoyed when she woke them up early Christmas morning because she looked so adorable with her hair all messed up and sitting in her pajamas as she demolished the wrapping paper. Every day, when he came home from work, she sat by the windowsill and watched him walk up to the front door, and then launched onto his back from the arm of the couch. Gavin always caught her, spinning her around with her giggles filling his ears. He found himself doing whatever he could to make her smile since he remembered a time when she wouldn’t even look at them.
When they asked what she wanted for her tenth birthday, and she responded with an adoption, well, they had no objection to that.
Gavin and Conan changed into their formal wear and smiled when Cecelia came out of her room in her new dress. It was covered with pink and red roses and accented with a little black belt and a maroon cardigan. She sat still while Gavin french braided her hair and she raced out to the car as soon as they were done, just as excited and impatient as they were.
They wasted no time in getting to the courtroom, meeting and hugging with their closest family and friends while they waited to be called in. The judge was a nice old man who had signed their paper without a moment of hesitation, and then just like that, Cecelia was theirs. Her giggles filled his ears as he and Conan knelt to the ground and embraced her, and Gavin found himself not caring when her curls tickled his face. He only pulled her tighter against him and Conan, and they pressed kisses to the top of her head.
He remembered the first time she had tentatively called him her Papa almost a year ago. He’d answered to the name without even realizing she hadn’t called him Gavin. He at first expected to be weirded out at being this little girl’s father, or at least to feel some sort of doubt, but no fear or worry came. It just felt right. It felt even better when she called Conan her Daddy later that night, and he saw the happy tears in Conan’s eyes. He couldn’t recall ever being this happy in his life. After years of feeling out of place, Gavin had found a home with Conan, and then with his Cecelia.
She pulled out of their hug and gave him one of her biggest smiles, dimples flashing and showing off her missing teeth. He met Conan’s eyes from over the top of her head, both their eyes shining with unshed tears of happiness. Their hands clasped together, their fingers intertwining and wedding bands shining next to each other. For the first time in his life, Gavin thanked his father. He had been the one to send him to that boarding school fifteen years ago where he had met the love of his life and made Cecelia become a possibility.
Gavin had never expected when he was seventeen and angry all the time that he would be a father to this beautiful little girl who had gone through so much pain in her life. He never imagined that when he was seventeen that he’d marry the boy that changed everything for him. He’d never expected to watch he and that boy grow older, their hair turning grayer as the years went by and crinkles formed by his eyes because he had been smiling too much .
When he was seventeen, he’d never expected that he’d have a family .