Chapter Text
From: [email protected]
Date: 10/6/18 at 6:47 AM
Subject: Re: Realization
I think every closeted kid can relate to that story, Zero. We all had that favorite celebrity that ‘turned’ us gay.
Although I have to say, even if I’ve never met you face to face, I never took you for an All Might fan. Which is ridiculous, I know, because everyone in the world is an All Might fan, even if they don’t like country music.
My realization story isn’t nearly as exciting as yours, but I think the first time I ever really admitted to myself that I was gay was when I was in middle school (ew puberty, every teenagers worst nightmare.) There was this cute guy in my class and I kept trying to convince myself that it wasn’t gay for me to totally check him out in the locker room and after gym class when he was all hot and sweaty. But then one night I had a dream (not like that- we just went on a date and ended up kissing) and I think then I fully realized that heterosexuals don’t dream about their bros like that.
But I did date one of my best girl friends for like two months. She was cute, and I thought that maybe I was just confused and that dating a girl would make me straight again. But the minute she tried to go in for a kiss, I started to freak out and ran away. Needless to say, we decided to just be friends afterwards and I’m glad because I’d rather awkwardly try to rebuild a friendship for the next few months than have to deal with a petty ex for the rest of my high school days.
Although I have this nagging suspicion that she knows I’m gay, but I’m not about to ask her.
Putting off coming out until I have no choice, y’know?
I think this is probably one of the longest emails I’ve written to you yet, and I would honestly write more about my gay crises, but I have to walk to school and I’m sure you don’t want to read about my eternal crush on Crimson Riot (now you know where I got my name!)
— Red
— —
“I read your email.”
“What?”
“I read your email.” Monoma repeated in an eerily calm tone, like he wasn’t just admitting to breaching Kirishima’s privacy. “The one to GroundZero.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
It had been a normal Monday morning for Kirishma.
He woke up early to go for his morning run like he usually did, came back home to make one of his infamous protein-filled breakfast smoothies before quickly running upstairs to get dressed and do his hair and rushing out the door to hopefully make it to school on time. He’d hung out with his squad (Kaminari, Ashido and Sero, his best bros) before the bell rang and class started, the usual.
He had been blessed with a first period study hall so he could rush to finish all the homework he had forgot about last night, or could finally stop putting it off and study for the Math quiz he had next period, which no matter how hard he tried, he would inevitably failed because hell if he could understand what a definite integral was.
Three weeks in and he was already completely lost in almost all his classes.
It had all been routine, except for when Monoma Neito, who didn’t even have study hall this period, had randomly shown up at Kirishima’s table and compltely shattered the fake walls of security Eijirou had up around himself.
Kirishima stared back at him, dumbfounded. His hand quickly flew down to his pants to make sure his phone was still in his pocket. It was. Then how on earth...
As if he could read his mind, Monoma quickly said
“I used the computer right after you, and you forgot to log out, RedRiot516. Clever username, matches your hair.”
Kirishima grit his teeth, trying to keep his calm, but inside he was panicking.
This really wasn’t how he had wanted to start off his school year, by being outed by some random person he had met only once before because he had been too stupid to remember to sign out of the computer after he was done using it.
He was such an idiot.
“I just wanted to let you know that my friend Tetsutetsu’s bi. In case you know, you wanted to meet another queer kid or something.”
He didn’t.
In fact, he’d be fine never meeting another gay (or half gay- still partly into dudes) person as long as he lived if it meant getting away from whatever this situation was.
“Y’know outing your friends isn’t cool dude, even if it’s to another gay person.” The words felt like sawdust on his tongue as he choked them out.
Kirishima had long since accepted the fact that he was into guys, but he had never come out to anyone out loud before. And never did he dream that the first person he would come out to would be Monoma fucking Neito.
Monoma just simply shrugged.
“Why are you telling me this? Couldn’t you just have closed out instead of going through my stuff?” Kirishima asked nervously. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know the answer at this point.
“It’s pretty obvious you don’t want anyone else to know.” He said it like it wasn’t the most obvious thing in the world.
Of course Kirishima doesn’t.
Coming out would just be one giant problem he didn’t feel like dealing with at the moment. His friends would most likely be fine with it, just start bothering him about crushes and who’s hot or not. Especially Ashido. And he didn’t think his parents would necessarily take it badly and kick him out or something, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be a shit show of awkward questions and nervously avoiding the subject whenever it came up in the future, especially with how strict his grandparents were.
“No one’s going to find out because you aren’t going to tell anyone else right?” The sinking feeling in Kirishima’s stomach only got worse.
The thing is, coming out wouldn’t be a problem for Kirishima. Sure, if everyone found out by reading those emails, it’d be a bit awkward because of how personal and vulnerable he was in the emails, but it won’t be the end of the world. For him. But for Zero, [email protected], this could completely ruin their relationship.
Zero had no idea who Kirishima was. Their whole relationship was based on anonymity and being able to trust each other because the other person didn’t know who was typing behind the keyboard. Zero could be any other student at Yuuei and that’s what made their relationship work. If Monoma leaked their emails and Zero found out that the mysterious RedRiot516 was actually just Kirishima Eijirou, an average senior who’s most interesting feature was his bright red hair, he might never talk to him again. Being outed, especially like this, would completely ruin their relationship.
GroundZero wasn’t some dumb moron like Kirishima was. He was smart and careful with his words. He would never forget to do something like log out when you use your secret email address on a school computer. Hell, he wouldn’t even use his secret email address on a school computer.
Monoma fidgeted in his seat, avoiding eye contact with Kirishima.
Like he has any reason to be nervous.
“I’m not going to show anyone, relax.”
Kirishima sighed in relief and leaned back in his seat. But then it hit him.
“Show what?”
“See that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” He said more quietly, looking around to make sure they were really alone. They better be. Kirishima could only handle one person knowing biggest his secret at a time. “There’s something I want you to do for me-“
“You took a screenshot, didn’t you?“ Kirishima said in disbelief. The look in Monoma’s eyes was all the answe he needed. “You went through my emails, and took a screenshot.”
“Yeah I did. Don’t worry I told you I wasn’t going to tell anyone.” He said calmly. “Anyways, I know you’re friends with Ashido and I was wondering if you could possibly help me talk to her?”
After hearing that, Kirishima let out a pained laugh. He didn’t know what he found more funny, this ridiculous situation where he had been careless enough to log into his secret email account at school (not his fault the reception here was shit - he just really needed to check if Zero had replied) but Monoma Neito, who was kind of infamous around campus for his larger than life ego and dicky attitude, was now trying to blackmail Kirishima into playing matchmaker for him? Only in his life would some bullshit like this happen.
“You’re seriously trying to blackmail me into helping you hook up with one of my friends?” Kirishima scoffed.
“Oh do you like her as well? Are you bi?” Monoma asked curiously.
“I thought you read the emails, and you’re seriously asking me if I have a crush on my best friend.” Kirishima snapped. He would like to consider himself a pretty nice, easygoing guy who tried to be as polite as possible when talking to others, but he was running out of patience and he just wanted to get out of there.
Monoma nods, like he understands. But he doesn’t understand anything.
“Anyways, are you going to help me?” He asked expectantly.
Kirishima rolled his eyes. “And if I say no, what are you going to do?”
“It’d be unfortunate if everyone in school got an email of these screenshots.”
Monoma Neito was a rude dick who picked fights with almost everyone he considered below him. He constantly bragged about test scores but had failed three classes and never made it into any of the honors classes despite how much he talked himself up. But he had always struck Kirishima as a relatively harmless guys before this. Annoying? Rude to everyone? Really needed to learn to be quiet sometimes? Yes. But a manipulative asshole who would be willing to go through someone’s personal information and use someone’s sexuality as a bargaining chip to get closer to the girl he liked? Never.
Even though he was the ‘victim’ in all of this, Kirishima couldn’t help but be a little impressed by this guy’s complete 180º in character.
“What do you want me to do? Go up to Ashido and tell her: ‘oh go out with this dude! He’s totally not blackmailing me for being gay, he’s just your typical Prince Charming!’ That’ll definitely woo her over.” He couldn’t believe this.
Monoma rolled his eyes. “When you put it that way, it sounds like I’m the worst douche on this planet.” Really bro? What made you think that. “Just like, invite me to hang out with you guys, tell me how to impress her so I can ask her out, y’know?”
No Kirishima didn’t know. He was gay and despite knowing Mina since they were kids, he had no idea how to make such a dirtbag look appealing to someone as sweet as her but he didn’t really have a choice in this didn’t he?
But he doesn’t say anything, just watches Monoma as he stares impatiently back, waiting for a response.
“Listen, I just think we’re stuck in a situation where we could, y’know, help each other out.” Monoma finally broke the awkward silence, starting to get up from his seat. Good. Kirishima had never been so excited to see someone leave in all his 17 years of living.
Before he got up, he handed Kirishima a small slip of paper. His number.
“Once you make up your mind, you can text me and we can start setting some things up okay?”
No. None of this was okay at all and Kirishima hadn’t felt this much hatred for someone in so long.
Taking Kirishima’s silence as some form of agreement, he finally turned around and left Kirishima alone to sink into his chair and replay the conversation that has just happened, wondering how on earth he’d come to helping Monoma Neito of all people out with his love life.
He couldn’t believe he was actually going through with this.
Kirishima grit his teeth. It was going to be a long school year.
— —
Throughout the rest of the school day, the anxious feeling in Kirishima’s gut didn’t go away like he had hoped it would. In fact, it only got worse and worse as the day went on and he still hadn’t contacted Monoma. When the final class bell rung and everyone raced out of the classroom while Kirishima pulled out his phone to check his notifications, he half expected to see seven hundred texts from everyone he had ever known asking him if the oh-so-shocking news about him being into dick was true.
He sighed in relief when he saw that he only had three text notifications, all stupid memes from Denki, and one Instagram follow request from some random bot account. Thank god. He hadn’t shared the emails. Yet.
Making sure to lock his phone and stuff it deep into his pocket so it wouldn’t drop in the busy school hallway, open and ready for some other nosy bastard to go through his private and personal information, he nodded goodbye to Mr. Ishiyama and walked out of the classroom.
Kirishima had barely gotten his locker open when he could hear his friends approaching. Even in a crowded hallway, the ruckus that were Kaminari and Ashido’s loud voices were still distinguishable.
“Hi Kiri!” Ashido cried as the two raced up to his locker, Sero lagging behind.
“Hey man.” Kaminari grinned as he leaned on the lockers next to Kirishima’s. “What’s up?”
Kirishima took in a deep breath and plastered a fake smile on his face. “Hey guys.” He tried to say as cheerfully as he could but it kind of fell flat. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice or at least point it out. Nor did Ashido ask why he winced a bit when she placed her hand on his shoulder.
As if Monoma couldn’t have been satisfied with ruining Kirishima’s life by reading those emails, he also had to make him feel weird around his childhood friend.
“Kirishima you won’t believe what happened,” Ashido started rambling, “Kaminari totally tried to hit on Jirou again and it failed miserably.”
Jirou Kyoka was Kaminari’s crush, much to her dismay. Shorter with dyed purple hair and thick eyeliner, with a wardrobe straight from hot topic hell and guitar skills good enough to go pro, she embodied the definition of a stereotypical goth girlfriend. Most guys had been scared off by her tough girl attitude, but his best friend had been crushing on her for almost two years now, but he hadn’t grown enough balls to do anything more than painfully try to flirt with her during band practice and lunch.
It was downright painful for everyone to watch at this point.
“It didn’t fail miserably, she was blushing!” Kaminari tried to futilely protest.
“Dude, I’m pretty sure her face was flushed from anger.” Sero pointed out. “She’s never going to like you if you keep using those dumb pickup lines.”
“Whatever Sero, I was smooth as hell and you know it!”
Kirishima, despite his pounding heart and the queasy feeling in his stomach, couldn’t help but laugh with Sero at Kaminari’s embarrassed stuttering.
Kirishima slammed his locker shut (finally, he had been able to let out a small part of his frustration out on something) and the group started to walk towards the auditorium.
Ashido took a large sip out of her iconic pink, sparkly coffee cup and looked over at Kirishima. “I didn’t see you at lunch earlier, where were you?”
Dammit. Kirishima had hoped no one would notice his absence. He had spent all his morning classes panicking over the Monoma situation, and by the time lunch rolled around, he felt too physically ill to eat, so he had just skipped lunch and went to the library to just play on phone for thirty minutes.
“Yeah bro, even Bakugo sat down to eat lunch with us today.” Sero said.
Kaminari nodded. “He said something about having to ask you a question, I don’t know.”
Bakugo was one of Kirishima’s friends? Honestly, even he wasn’t sure, but he was one of the few people who could get away with talking to the exasperated blond without getting a punch in the face. Sometimes he’d join Kirishima and ‘his group of brain dead idiots’ for lunch, but most of the time he’d go sit with Camie.
“Oh sorry guys, I completely forgot about the History homework so I went to the library to go work on it!” Kirishima said apologetically, nervously reaching up to rub his neck.
“It’s all good bro, we know how much you struggle in that class.” Sero said teasingly. Kirishima elbowed him gently.
“Hey, I’m getting better!” He tried to protest
“Oh that reminds me, I totally failed that English quiz today.” Ashido groaned. “I completely forgot to study.”
As the conversation veered away from his whereabouts and to the promise that even if one of them failed senior year and got held back that they’d still be friends, Kirishima sighed in relief.
As the conversation about English quizzes and grades dragged on, a small smile started to tug on his lips.
Moments like this, where all that mattered were Kaminari’s (lack of) flirting skills or dumb English tests that everyone had undoubtedly failed, made every other problem in life melt away. Monoma Neito didn’t exist. Things like sexuality and coming out weren’t issues anymore. Gay or straight didn’t matter. It was just Kirishima, his best friends, and whatever dumb ‘problems’ had come up during the school day.
For the first time that day, he felt content.
— —
From: [email protected]
Date: 10/6/18 at 5:23 PM
Subject: Re: Realization
Damn, and here I thought you came up with an original name on your own.
I don’t really know how I came up with mine, to be honest, I was just lying in bed and thought ‘oh, ground zero has a nice ring to it’ and decided to use that. Sounds badass as hell too. Like some superhero’s name.
But crimson riot huh? Yeah I guess I could ‘see’ you as a classic rock kinda guy.
Although I could also see you having some sort of shit taste like country or rap music.
My friend is desperately trying to figure out what my type is so she can set me up on blind dates with some of her friends. She’s tried to already, and let me just say if I wasn’t gay before, going on a date with a fucking goody-two shoes cheerleader definitely made me swing the other way.
I know that if I tell her I’m gay, she’s going to try and set me up with the entire football team.
Middle school was hell. I was trying to forget all about it, thanks for bringing it up again.
— Zero