Chapter Text
Amy stood at the airport rocking back and forth nervously on her feet. She watched passengers come down the escalator and meet their loved ones. One girl ran down the escalator when she saw the boy she was waiting for. The way she jumped in his arms and he kissed him like no one was watching was sickening. She used to have that.
Amy stood there waiting. The flow of passengers slowly began to trickle down to nothing and Amy wondered if she should’ve even showed up. They hadn’t exactly ended things on the best conditions.
Finally she saw him descending down the elevators, backpack on shoulders. He smiled when he saw her and she smiled back although it didn’t quite meet her eyes. If she was being honest, there was a small part of her that was relieved when she thought maybe she missed him and Charles had picked him up. “Hey.” He said when he reached her.
“Hi.” She said continuing to sway back and forth. “How was Seattle?”
“Nice.” Jake said as the two of them started to walk towards baggage claim. “It rained a lot, but I expected that. I’ll probably have to back here in a week or two, there were a couple of loose ends that just need to be tied up before the trial.”
“Oh.” Amy said. The two of them stood in silence while they watched the bags circle on the carousel. All around them other people were talking to their loved ones who they clearly missed. That wasn’t exactly the case for Jake and Amy.
Finally Jake grabbed his bag and the two of them were able to head out of the airport and back to where Amy had parked the car. “So, how have you been?” Jake asked her as she drove away from the airport.
“Okay.” She said. “Been a little busy at the precinct but nothing more than usual.”
“That’s good.” Jake said. Amy pursed her lips together to keep from saying something that she would regret in an hour. “Any good new cases or nine nine drama?”
“No.” Amy said. “Boyle is throwing you a welcome back party tomorrow night at Shaw’s bar. He’s pretty excited that you’re back. I think he missed you.” It wasn’t that long ago that she would’ve added that she missed him too, but like she said, that wasn’t the case anymore.
“That doesn't surprise me.” Jake said. “Gosh New York traffic is so much worse than Seattle.”
“It’s not nearly as big.” Amy said.
“True.” Jake added before the pair were out of things to talk about. Eventually they made it back to their apartment. Amy offered to carry his backpack but he was stubborn and refused. Inside the house Jake noticed that it was far more clean then when he had left. Walking in the living room was like standing there two months ago. The night before he left as they screamed their hearts out at each other. He looked around and noticed several of the pictures flipped upside down. “Why did you flip all the pictures of her?” He asked flipping one backup to its upright position.
Amy shrugged once. “I just didn’t want to look at them. I swore that I was going to put them up right in the morning, but then never did.”
“Hm.” Jake said walking back to the bedroom to start and put his stuff up. Amy stayed where she was standing not wanting to follow him into the room. Instead she opted to head to the kitchen and make some tea. She warmed up two mugs before dropping the herbal tea packages in. She left his on the counter and made her way to the couch with hers.
When he came back out he was wearing sweatpants and an old NYPD shirt. Seeing him in it made something in her heart sting. She wished it wasn't considered an 'old' shirt. “There’s a mug on the counter for you.”
“Okay.” Jake said. “Thanks.” he grabbed the mug and made his way towards the couch sitting down next to her. He sat down leaving a fair amount of room between the two of them. There was a moment of silence where neither one of them said anything. Then Jake asked what they were both dying to know. “Can you tell me where we stand?”
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“Oh come on Ames.” Jake said taking another sip of his tea and sighing. He set the mug down on the coffee table before looking at her. Like really looking at her, since the first time he got off the plane. He was still struck with awe at how beautiful she was with zero effort. “Don’t play stupid. You and I both know that things were not great when I left, and to be honest they don’t seem any better now.”
“I don’t know.” Amy said. “Things were just hard.”
“But we’re better now?” Jake asked.
Amy was silent for a minute or so before speaking. “I don't know." She repeated. "Do you think we’re better?” Her voice was hoarse and sounded like they had been yelling at each other for fifty years.
“I don’t know.” Jake replied honestly. “Everything just feels so off. I don’t feel like myself anymore and you don’t seem like yourself.
Amy nodded once looking to the corner of where the living room rug meet the hardwood floor. She hoped he wouldn’t notice the way tears were starting to form in the corner of her eyes. Tonight seemed like one of those nights where he was going to care that she was crying. Unlike the night that he left where it seemed like he couldn’t give a damn. “I'm going to go to bed.” She said.
“I will too. It’s been a long day.” They got up off the couch together making their way back to the bedroom. Amy smiled slightly at the way he had already hung up all of his clean stuff and put his dirty stuff in the dirty laundry. The old him would’ve left it in his suitcase for weeks.
Amy laid down in bed first turning to face the nightstand. The tears were silently falling down her face as she felt the bed dip down next to her. She wondered if that girl from the airport was snuggling up with her boyfriend or husband. She was probably telling him how much she loved him and missed him.” Goodnight.” She heard Jake say from next to her.
“Goodnight.” She whispered back hoping that he wouldn’t notice the way her voice slightly cracked. “I love you.” She added almost afraid that he wouldn't say it back.
“I love you too.” He whispered back.
-------
“This cabin is so nice.” Amy exclaimed as her and Jake walked into the cruise room. “I can’t believe you were able to get such a good deal on it. So help me God if Doug Judy is on this boat.”
Jake laughed closing the door behind him. “Trust me, I’m not going to let anyone drag me away from you this week. You have my undivided attention for an entire week. Well- They are playing Die Hard as a part of their movie under the star thing. So I guess you’ll lose it for two hours and twelve minutes.”
“Jake we’ve seen that movie a thousand times. We should go and see La La Land instead. I’ve been wanting to see it for so long now.”
“We will see Ames. We will see.” He said as he leaned down to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. “Still can’t believe I got this lucky.” He whispered with his forehead resting against hers.
“That’s what I say every morning that I wake up next to you. Do you want to go check out the buffet? I'm starving.”
“Hell yes.” Jake said. The two of them made their way out of the cabin and down the long hallways of the cruise ship. In the glass elevator Jake turned to her and said “We totally have to make out in this thing at some point.”
“Shut up.” Amy said turning away from him so he couldn’t see the smile on her face. The two of them found a table at the buffet that was by the windows. “This is gorgeous.” Amy said looking out the window. The only thing in sight was the ocean.
“Yeah.” Jake agreed looking only at her. The two of them both got their food before returning to the table. “I can’t believe all of this is free!” Jake exclaimed looking down at his plate that was filled with various kinds of meat.
“Well it’s not, it’s included in the price we paid to be on the boat.” Jake just shrugged his shoulder picking up his fork and starting to tear apart the meat.
“As excited as I am to start at the F.B.I., I have to admit, I’m going to miss the nine nine. Charles was devastated when I told him.”
“I know, because I was there.” Amy said as she started to eat her fish. “Well I’m going to miss being your boss. I was hoping to at least get a couple of years with you after being promoted to sergeant of the detectives. I was just starting to enjoy bossing you around.” She said with a slight smirk.
“You can still do that.” Jake said wiggling his eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”
“I am just going to ignore that.” She said leaning back in her chair. The two spent the rest of lunch talking about what they were going to do for the rest of the day as well as the rest of the cruise.
-----
“We have Charles’s party tonight.” Amy said sitting across the table from Jake while cutting her pancake. It had been a while since she had an actual prepared breakfast. Cooking was Jake’s thing, when he was gone she usually just ordered takeout and sat in front of the tv.
“Okay.” Jake said as he poured a ridiculously amount of maple syrup on his pancake. “I’m sure he’ll be excited to see me.”
“It’s all he’s been talking about.” Amy said. “He missed you a lot.” It was strange to Amy that Charles Boyle missed her husband more than she did. Sure, he was his best friend or whatever, but she was his wife. Shouldn’t she have missed him? It was driving her crazy how little she missed him. She had felt guilty about it the whole time.
“I missed him alot.” Jake said. Amy looked up at the sudden change in Jake’s voice. It was the same tone that had started their argument right before he left. That passive aggressive way that he spoke sometimes.
“Are you gonna shave?” She asked just now noticing the new scruff that was forming under his jaw line. At one point she had loved a little scruff. The way it tickled when he kissed her and how rough it felt under her hands. But now all she could see where the ways it made him look rough around the edges. He didn’t look like the nice sweet boy she had married, he looked like a careless man.
“I don’t know. Should I?” He asked running his hand over it. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but he must have decided not too.
“Yes.” Amy said perhaps too quickly and harshly. She knew what he was going to say and she didn't want to hear it.
“Okay.” Jake said. “I wasn’t sure I was digging it anyways.”
Amy nodded once finishing eating her pancake on her plate. She got up and put the plate in the dishwasher. “I have to go. Can’t be late.”
“Of course.” Jake said standing from the table. “I should probably be getting ready too.” Amy walked to the door and Jake followed her. “Do you want to drive together or go separately to Charles’s thing?”
“You can pick me up if you want or I can pick you up. Either way.” She said as she grabbed her bag off the hook.
“I’ll pick you up. It'll give me a chance to stop in the nine nine.” Jake said as he followed her to the door. He walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her holding her tightly against him. It took Amy a second to realize what was happening. Once she did she wrapped her arms back around him. It was like being taken back to all those years ago when a simple hug could fix any problem she had. That wasn't the case anymore.
She took a deep breath and wrinkled her nose slightly at the smell. Amy pulled back away from him adjusting her purse on her shoulder. “I should go.”
Jake nodded and watched as she walked out the door. “Ames.” He said and she turned around to look at him. “I missed you.”
Amy looked down at the ground unable to meet her husband’s eyes. “I miss you too.” She said before closing the door behind her walking down the hallway and wiping tears out of her eyes.
------
“Hey Ames?” Jake asked his arms still tightly wrapped around her. Their cabin door to the balcony was open and outside he could hear the ocean. When Amy suggested sleeping with it open, he was hesitant, but it really was nice.
“Hm?” Amy asked her arm slung over his chest. “Round two?”
“Maybe in a second.” Jake said. “You ever think about kids?”
Amy shifted slightly so that she was sitting upright her elbow resting on him. “Kids?” She asked her eyebrows furrowing together in the cutest way Jake had ever seen.
“Yeah.” Jake said. “I know that we talked about it a while ago and decided to wait, but I feel like there’s never going to be a right time.”
“What are you saying?” Amy asked even though she knew exactly what he was asking her. She just needed to hear him say the words out loud.
“I want to have kids sooner rather than later. I think you’ll be captain within two years. If anything I think now when you’re not captain is a good time to start.”
“I have actually been thinking about it.” Amy said.
“Oh yeah?” Jake said.
“Yeah. When I had to watch Emma last week all I could think about was wanting one. I actually got kind of jealous of Maria and Jose. She’s just so sweet. But you’re right, there is no perfect time.”
“So are you saying that we should to do this? Like right now?”
“Woah woah woah, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.” She said laughing. “Let’s just leave it up to fate, if it happens now it happens."
“Ohh I like the way you think Santiago.”
“Unless I’m in the nine nine I think you mean Peralta.” She said with a smirk that Jake then proceed to kiss of her face.
“God, I love you so much”
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Jake sat down in his chair and sighed a breath of relief before feeling guilty. He shouldn’t be relieved that he doesn't have to be around Amy until later tonight. Something about that seemed wrong.
“Hey man! Welcome back.” Noah said sitting down in the desk next to his. “How was Seattle? Not going to lie I was super jealous. I've seen some of the chicks from up there. And woo.” He said making a dramatic motion to wipe his forehead.
Jake laughed feeling slightly awkward. “It was nice. I guess.” Jake said relaxing back in his chair. “I’ve got a lot of paperwork to catch up on though.”
“Sucks right? How was Amy? Was she excited to have you home? Erin is always real excited when I come back if you know what I mean.” Noah winked once at Jake. Jake never liked Noah, he was crude and dirty minded. At least when Charles said something obscene he had no idea he had done it.
“We just took it easy.” Jake said. “Had dinner, caught up on tv, you know the usual.”
“That’s cool I guess.” Noah said. “Erin usually a bit frisky, gives me something to look forward to on the flight home. I feel bad that she always has to wait, but guys are different you know? We have needs that have to be meet.”
“Uh huh. Sure.” Jake said getting up. “I have to go talk to the captain about some paperwork.” He said leaving Noah behind.
“Peralta. Good. I was hoping you were going to come back here.” Captain Wilson said to Jake as he entered the office. “I take it Seattle was good?”
“Yes.” Jake said. “William and I had a good time I guess. We got all the work done.”
“Good.” Wilson said. “As you know you will have to go back out there in a week or so just to finish a couple of little things.”
“Of course.” Jake said leaving the office and closing the door behind him. Luckily Noah was no longer sitting at his desk so Jake was free to head back to his. He started doing his paperwork and smiled briefly when he glanced up and saw the picture of him and Amy on the cruise. He got it framed a couple of days after they got back. It was the first thing that was put on his desk when he started at the F.B.I. Things were simpler back then. Everything was black and white but now all he saw was shades of grey.
------
“Hey babe!” Amy shouted as he walked into the door. “How was the first day at the bureau?” She asked him with a wide smile on her face. He walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her waist laying down and pressing a chaste kiss on her lips.
“It was amazing.” He said stepping back to see what she was making. The chicken looked better than usual and way more fancy than he knew she could make. “Did Charles make this?”
“Damn it! Busted.” Amy said with a smile. Jake laughed as he sat down at the dinner table. Amy grabbed two plates and the chicken following him over there. “So tell me all about it.”
“Well, the captain is nice, he’s no Holt, but he’s still nice. I don’t have to wear a tie.”
“Of course that’s the part you would be most excited about.”
“You know it.” Jake said biting into the chicken. “This is really good.” Amy nodded in agreement. “The guy whose desk mine is next to kind of sucks. He’s like really gross.”
“Like how? Hygiene wise?”
“No. like dirty minded.”
That made Amy audibly laugh. “Says the guy who still makes sex tape jokes.”
“Those are good jokes! They’re tasteful.” Amy shook her head at him trying not to laugh. “But this guy, I swear he’s got his own Me Too movement coming. He’s that gross Ames. When I put down a picture of you, he told me you were hot and he would totally hit that. He even asked me for your number. When I told him you were my wife he just shrugged his shoulders.”
“Ew.” Amy said. “He sounds vulture level terrible.”
“Wouldn’t be surprised if they were related.” Jake said laughing slightly. “But luckily he’s not my partner. William, my partner, seems great. Really hardworking and dedicated. Honestly he reminds me a little bit of you when we first met. Maybe in seven years I’ll be kissing him in an evidence locker.”
“Ha ha.” Amy said. “So you had a pretty good day.”
“Yeah. I did. I think that I’m going to like it there. But enough about me, how was your day?”
“Well it was weird not seeing you there.” She said with a sad smile. “Charles came dressed in black again. Luckily Gina was there to make fun of him. But he definitely misses you. He's like a puppy dog whose owner left him to go on vacation. The only case I got was a B & E that was pretty open and shut. So it was a pretty good day I guess.”
“That’s cool.” Jake said. “I do miss seeing you through at work. It just feels strange.”
“Yeah.” Amy agreed. “But it’s okay. We’ve always got each other at home.” Jake smiled warmly at her and she her heart fluttered the same way it did all those years ago when he kissed her as Johnny and Dora.
-----
Walking into the nine was like walking into a time machine. Except the time machine had royally fucked up and everything was wrong. It was like being in the right room at the wrong table. Amy was sitting in the Captain’s office. It had been almost two years now and he still wasn’t used to seeing her sitting in there. Terry didn’t work in that building anymore and Rosa and Charles were both out. He imagined that they were already at the party. There were a couple of new detectives who smiled and nodded at him as he made his way towards the office.
He knocked once the door before opening it. She smiled slightly at him before finishing up her phone call and hanging up the phone. “You ready?” He asked.
“Yeah.” She said standing up and grabbing a couple of things out of her office. “I’m going to go change real quick. I can meet you back in the bullpen.”
“Okay.” Jake said following her out of the office. His old desk was empty so he sat down there. The wave of nostalgia that took over him made him want to vomit. It felt just like yesterday that he was sitting here pouring himself over some case trying to ignore the way he felt about the girl sitting across from him. He honestly believed that if he were to look up right now he would see her siting there looking at her computer and typing away on her keyboard.
“Ready?” She asked him startling him slightly. He turned in his chair and let his mouth fall slightly open when he looked at her. It was the first time in a long time that he had seen her all dressed up. Her hair was down from the usual ponytail, it framed her face nicely and all he could think about was the way he knew it felt between his fingers. She was only wearing jeans and a blouse but he still couldn’t deny the way his heart beat faster. “Jake.” She said when he didn’t say anything back.
“Yeah. I’m ready.” He said getting up. The two of them walked to the elevator and stood in silence while waiting for it. Once they got on Jake turned to her. “How was your day?” He asked.
“Good.” Amy responded. “Busy but good. How was yours?”
“Same.” Jake said rocking back and forth on his heels until the elevator door opened. They made their way to his car, Amy getting into passenger seat. “I still think that you need to go back to driving a car.” She said now sitting in the passenger seat of his Suv.
“Eh. I like it. It’s more roomy.”
“I guess.” Amy said looking out the window at the passing scenery.
“I am going to have to go back to Seattle in a week. But I’ll only be gone for a week or so this time, not two months.”
“Okay.” Amy said not even turning to look at him. “That’s going to crush Charles.”
“Yeah.” Jake agreed parking the car at Shaw’s. Amy got out of the car and made her way over to him. She laced her fingers into his and he gave a small gentle squeeze as they walked into the bar.
“There they are!” Charles exclaimed throwing his arms around Jake. Amy dropped his hand as she made her way over to the bar to order a drink. Jake swore that his hand was on fire and he wanted nothing more than to burn it again and again. “I missed you buddy.” Charles said as he hugged Jake even harder.
Jake returned the hug although noticeably less effective than Boyle. “I missed you too.”
“Give him some space Boyle. What did we tell you?” Jake could hear Gina shout and almost instantly Charles let go. Amy came back over handing Jake a beer which he accepted gratefully.
“How was Seattle? Was it dope?” Rosa asked him taking a swig of her own beer.
“It was.” Jake said. The group made their way to the back of the bar grabbing a table in a dimly lit corner. Boyle ended up sitting next to Jake white Amy was across from him.
“Did you guys go to Space Needle?” Gina asked.
“We did. William wanted to go. I thought I would be able to handle the heights, but as it turns out I could not. The glass floor was just too much for me.”
“Glass ceilings scare the shit out of me.” Terry siad. “I won’t let my girls anywhere near them. I feel like they can break so easily.”
Jake shrugged his shoulders. “I just didn’t like looking down and seeing how high up we really were. William loved it though. He’s a big fan of skydiving.”
“Did you miss Amy?” Charles asked Jake. “You guys have been separated way too much. It should be a crime to separate America’s dream couple.”
“I did.” Jake said. He wasn’t lying he did miss her, just not so much while he was in Seattle. If he was being honest it was kind of nice to get away for a little bit. After the fight they had before he left, some distance was definitely needed. The way she had cried at his words chewed away at his heart while he was in the gate at the airport. But then on the plane he remembered how little she cared about his feelings as she screamed all those awful things to him. “Thought about her all the time.” he added outloud to the group.
“What about you?” Charles asked towards Amy. “If Genevine had left me for two months I would’ve lost my mind.”
“Yeah.” Amy said finishing off her drink. “I’m going to go grab another beer real quick.” She said before getting up and walking towards the general direction of the bar. Jake watched her go until he couldn't see her anymore. He then turned his attention to his group of friends who had started talking about some case. After several minutes when she hadn’t come back, he excused himself to go check on her.
It didn't take long for Jake to spot her siting alone at the bar. She was staring down into her drink while stirring it with the straw. Jake sat down next to her and she glanced up. When she realized it was him she rolled her eyes and looked back down at her drink. “Ames?” He asked gently. “What’s wrong?”
“I don't know.” Amy answered. “I didn’t miss you when you were gone, and I’m guessing that you didn’t miss me.” Jake flagged down the bartender and ordered himself a drink. “I mean what are we doing Jake?”
Now it was his turn to not know the answer. “I don’t know. Everything just feels so foreign and I can’t pinpoint the exact moment that it did. It’s like I woke up in some alternative universe. Like it’s the darkest timeline or something.”
Amy snorted. “Tell me about it.”
“What do you want to do?” Jake asked.
“Drink.” Amy said taking a drink of her drink. “I just want everything to go back to normal.” She said although she wasn’t exactly even sure what was normal anymore.
“I don’t know if everything can go back to normal.” Jake said. “We both have very different jobs now, things have changed. We don’t work together anymore.”
“When I got promoted to be a sergeant you said that things didn’t have to change. You said that you always knew I would be your boss.”
“Amy.” Jake said. “You’re not my boss anymore, and it never bothered me that you were. In fact I thought it was kind of hot.” He couldn’t help but notice the way she smiled slightly down into her drink. “I don’t know what changed, but something did. And honestly I don't think it's all on the jobs. I think something changed within us."
Amy nodded. Deep down inside she knew exactly when everything had changed but she refused to admit that. She had felt them pulling apart ever since and right now things seem to be at a pinnacle. “I think that we should see a marriage counselor.”