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jimin realizes the toxicity of his own mind when yoongi’s gaze becomes unnerving. it seems like such a meager incident to cause such a great epiphany, but he’s been friends with yoongi since before he could walk; 23 years old— almost 24 years old and feeling anxious around his best friend? that’s not….normal.
yoongi, the boy who’s seen jimin at his best; grinning so wide his cheeks hurt, tears brimming in his eyes from laughter that pulls at his stomach until he’s doubled over and out of breath; he’s seen jimin covered in sweat from dance practice but still eager to practice more, “gotta get better, hyung! gotta be better than hobi-hyung!”
yoongi has seen the duality of jimin, seen those same innocent eyes overflowing with tears and hatred for himself as he sobs in yoongi’s shoulder, the same words almost always spilling from his lips.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t do anything. I hate it, I hate myself. I hate me, I hate me, I hate-” it’s around the same time yoongi will say the words he always says whenever jimin isn’t at his best.
jimin knows it’s annoying. but he can’t help it.
“nothing. there’s nothing wrong with you, jiminie.” yoongi will mutter in that soft voice as he strokes the youngers back with tears of his own beginning to gather at the corners of his eyes. “you’re human, you’re amazing, you’re trying so hard to be someone that people can be proud to know but you already have people who’re so proud of you. you make me so proud.. i’m so proud of you jimin-a,you’re the best friend I could ever have.”
his demeanor is always stern but his eyes give away any trace of malice. his love for jimin has never been doubted, not now and not ever.
the eve of jimin’s 24th birthday is spent with his demons. he knows his hyungs and his dongsaengs are worried about him but his mind just won’t stop racing and he feels likes he drowning and they’re staying in Busan anyways so treading to the beach seems like a good idea.
he expresses his desire to be alone, tells the other 6 that’s he’s okay but he just needs to see something that’s louder than his thoughts; a sight that’s as uneasy as jimin’s mental health.
he sees their concerned gases but pays them no mind, feigning whatever smile he can before he’s gone. He finds himself walking on the shoreline of Busan’s beach less than half an hour later, staring at the fine line in the horizon in which the sun meets the water. really, jimin stops at a particular sight, a small smile quirks onto his lips;
“where does the sky begin and the sea end?”
the water’s beginning to pool around jimin’s ankles, the tide turning as well as the coils in his mind. it’s odd how standing alone in the face of such an indestructible force can be...grounding.
jimin looks out at the sea, the expanse of ocean glimmering with the sunrays, dazzling with just a little bit of light, a little bit of warmth; love.
jimin’s realization is sudden, eyes widening and breath hitching as he ties everything in the universe back to one emotion; love. it’s odd how just one meager thought makes the world a little more beautiful and jimin’s smile’s just a little brighter.
it’s not long afterwards that he begins to see love in everything. platonic or romantic or both.
he sees it in taehyung’s boxy smiles, in the way he’ll go up to jin-hyung when he’s upset and do some tae-tae magic to cheer him up.
he sees it in the way yoongi smiles fondly at namjoon after they’ve returned from the studio; sees love in hobi-hyung’s existence; in jeongguk’s high pitched laugh; in namjoon-hyung’s dimples.
jimin slowly begins to see love in himself; he catches glimpses of it when he begins to accept a little more food; when he forces himself to takes more frequent breaks; when he lets yoongi-hyung love him jimin can’t stop the thought— doesn’t want to think anything else when yoongi-hyung showers him in praise, in soft kisses, gentle caresses, in adoring words.
‘this is what you deserve,’
“no.” yoongi never fails to correct him in that same honey voice as his lips ghost over jimin’s own. a gummy smile never fails to spread across his mouth and he never fails to whisper against his lover’s mouth, “you deserve more.”