Work Text:
memories, taehyung realized, are a lot like photo albums— glimpses into a life that can no longer be lived; stolen moments of happiness that can no longer be recovered; sights of a lover that can no longer be loved; feelings that can no longer be felt.
he’s always been interested in beautiful things— things that are both pleasing to the eye and warming to the soul. in lieu of this, taehyung fills photo book after photo book with pictures of jimin, the only thing that’s worth remembering.
jimin takes the sun, and these memories with him when he leaves. the sky was partly cloudy the day he left and, in some twisted romantic way, taehyung thinks that has to do with the way it only partly settled at first. he thought that maybe jimin needed some space. and so that’s what taehyung gave him.
he’d give jimin anything and everything he’d ever want and need.
but it became apparent, after three days of partly cloudy skies, after three days of silence in his apartment and on his phone, that jimin was gone and he wasn’t coming back. and it tore taehyung apart. that day, it was raining, a direct opposition to taehyung’s emotions. for he didn’t cry, for he wasn’t sad. he wasn’t anything, really.
the fragments of him were laid askew in the hollow auditorium of his chest, infected with the disease of heartbreak, shown as careless as the performance taehyung forced himself to perform. because while jimin was gone, but that didn’t mean his responsibilities left too.
anyone could see that taehyung wasn’t okay (—he was giving a performance after all). but it was only when the day had settled in for bed and the lights had come on that taehyung realizes his auditorium was empty, for no one cared to see this pathetic one man show).
——
MONTH TWO
month two is the hardest. taehyung isn’t sure if it’s because of the fact that the number days really hit him, or because he had done, quite literally, nothing with his life.
the entirety of his existence seemed to have bled into one giant day, something taehyung thinks is never ending in the way he seems to sludge through everything and nothing all at once.
though that doesn’t stop his friends from being concerned, the trepidation that accompanies the constant hovering from yoongi and from hoseok is dreadful but taehyung cannot find it inside himself to care.
god he wants to care.
the sight of a heartbroken yoongi as taehyung closes the door in his face is something he never wants to see again. his cheeks were flushed from the cold February air, lower lip trembling as he stares at the younger with a gaze so forlorn, so hurt but so fucking fond it took everything in taehyung not to open the door and pull yoongi inside. it was only when he was inches from the door did he realize that the thought of touch made him want to vomit, and with a bleeding heart, the only thing he could do was rest his head against the front door and hope that his best friend still loves him tomorrow morning.
he ignores yoongi’s and hoseok’s texts too many times to count, ignores hoseok’s phone calls. he hides at work, which is, technically speaking, at a small studio less than a mile away from his apartment.
being the senior editor at a prominent art magazine for upcoming creators never seemed to make taehyung anything but excited for work. as the days drag on, however, he can’t bring himself to smile when he goes from the editing department, to the publishers, from the publishers to the studio to work on next week’s magazine, and finally to the shell of a home he cannot find.
by the third month, it seems that hoseok has had enough. he isn’t like yoongi. yoongi who’s always been softer when it came to taehyung, not afraid to show bias towards the younger. yoongi, who hasn’t forced taehyung to do anything or to say anything. yoongi, who has been using the spare key when taehyung’s at work to come in every three days and clean his apartment, buy him groceries, do his laundry, take care of him without saying anything or asking for anything.
and he thinks hoseok’s anger is justified, given that taehyung hasn’t even texted the eldest to give his thanks, or at all, really.
it should be worth noting that it’s true, what's said about hoseok being like the sun⏤ illuminating the world but also, in a way, letting it burn.
getting too close to the elder at his worst moments is like asking for death.
hoseok manages to corner taehyung one day after work, he stands outside of taehyung’s building. taehyung doesn’t know how long he’s been standing there but it’s after dark and the feeling of his hyung waiting in the cold for him sends a feeling of warmth surging through him.
a cigarette burns in his mouth, a hand is buried in the pocket of his jacket, the other wrapped around the cancer stick. his head is downturned, the waves of his dyed auburn hair shield a bit of his face but taehyung can see the way his eyebrows are scrunched in thought, or frustration.
taehyung stops in front of the elder, lets out a sigh as hoseok raises his gaze. and he’s never really been scared of his hyung, not when hoseok always seems to be smiling and laughing and exuding an aura of adoration for everyone he meets.
he forgets that he hasn’t seen every side to jung hoseok. and the only ones who have are the ones who don’t give him what he needs when he needs it.
when hoseok looks at taehyung, he sees how terrified he should be.
he puts out the cigarette, stomps on it before grabbing taehyung by the scruff of his jacket. one hand curls around the back of his head, the action unnoticed by taehyung.
a yelp escapes the youngers lips before hoseok walks them backwards and slams him against the brick wall of the complex. when he leans in, his breath is a mixture of faded toothpaste and nicotine, taehyung tries not to wince.
“when will you stop hurting him?” he asks, tone betraying his actions. his eyes are filled with frustration and concern and taehyung wishes it would just stop. he doesn’t want to see the way they look at him because concern is often mixed with pity and he doesn’t need or want pity.
“hurting who?” hoseok laughs bitterly, he looks away, jaw clenched in anger. he clicks his tongue in distaste before looking at the younger again.
“wow, you really are stupid. i thought you were just oblivious, but—”
“what the fuck? you’re not making any fucking sense,” hoseok presses him harder against the wall, and he catches the elder wince a little before he seethes,
“watch your fucking mouth, yeah? you seem to have forgotten whose being held up by their fucking neck… i’m talking about yoongi, you prick. when will you stop hurting yoongi?” there’s something in the way hoseok says that sentence, the way he doesn’t use honorifics for the elder that makes something in taehyung’s gut curl.
“i don’t mean to hurt him,”
“well, you are. you’re destroying him when the only thing yoongi has done is take care of you, he’s been a good friend and a good hyung but you’re treating him like shit and i’m so fucking tired of him coming to me sobbing about you blowing him off and begging to stay the night because he doesn’t want to be alone. get your shit together. you’re fucking over an amazing person for who? for an asshole who didn’t see what he had? jimin left, taehyung. okay? and that isn’t on you.”
“the fuck do you mean it isn’t on me?” taehyung bites, head snapping up and eyes watering. “of course it’s on me! i am the reason he left, do you understand me?”
“can you control his emotions?” hoseok demands, grip tightening though his hands tremble at the action. he glowers at taehyung with sharp eyes as he seethes through gritted teeth, “do you know what he was feeling? were you in his head, telling him what to do? no, you cannot and no, you were not. his actions are on him, okay? i’m sorry to say this taehyung, but once he even thought about leaving, once the idea even crossed his mind, he was gone. there wasn’t anything you could have done that could have made him stay. do you understand me?”
taehyung looks away, silence falling over the two of them. he thinks about it, finds the logic in hoseok's words. but when taehyung finally opens his mouth to speak, he’s a bit surprised at what comes out.
“are you and hyung…”
“are me and yoongi what?”
well, no going back now.
“dating?” he sees the way hoseok’s face turns bright red, an extra shade from the pink tinted cold cheeks. he looks away, a frown settling on his features.
“no. we’re not.” he finally whispers and taehyung hates that he falls in love with his answer, even though it’s obvious his hyung has feelings for the eldest.
“but you want to, right?” taehyung offers. hoseok sighs, shakes his head and mumbles something incoherent under his breath.
“it’s not that simple, taehyung. yoongi… he’s been in love with someone else for the majority of his life.”
taehyung hates the way that makes him feel, he gets this unexpected feeling, a small twinge of hurt and he doesn’t know why⏤ he wants to know why.
why didn’t yoongi tell him? they’ve been friends forever, since fucking middle school. he’s been in love with someone since then?
taehyung sighs, he just hopes yoongi doesn’t get hurt. he deserves better than that.
“you’d probably make him much happier,” hoseok laughs at that, more like a hurt gargle than anything else. he lets go of taehyung and takes a stepback.
he doesn’t say anything for a while, neither of them do. the younger is about to offer poor advice when hoseok suddenly raises his gaze, fixing taehyung with something hard and fierce that burns in his eyes.
“don’t let him go, taehyung. don’t push him away, please. yoongi shouldn’t have to go through this again.” taehyung looks at him with furrowed eyebrows.
“w-what do you mean, ‘again’?”
hoseok sighs, opening his mouth to explain before his watch beeps. he curses under his breath, pulling out his phone.
“i have a race tonight, i have to go. just—just call yoongi, okay? please,”
taehyung nods hesitantly, bidding the elder goodbye before he turns around and heads into his building.
—
yoongi lets out a little sound of surprise when he opens the door to taehyung’s and doesn’t find a mess.
really, the only thing remotely dirty is the kitchen, and it’s filled with containers of food. upon closer inspection, yoongi realizes there’s something written on them. a blue little sticky note says, in taehyung’s writing,
i’m sorry i’ve been a shitty friend, i really, really appreciate what you do for me, hyung. i made you lunch cause i know you come a little after noon, if you’d like to stay and wait for me to get off at 3:30 we could go have dinner. if not, i understand. thank you, again.
i love you hyung.
x tae tae
—
yoongi, obviously, waits. he waits for taehyung like he’s done the majority of his life. he thinks he’d wait some more, if he had to. he doesn’t have much to do, seeing as taehyung has cleaned his apartment and washed his clothes. if yoongi’s being honest, he’s bored.
he hadn’t brought his laptop so he couldn’t work on his book. he decides that taehyung wouldn’t mind yoongi borrowing one of his books to read. yoongi’s fingers skim the bookshelf, and he blinks in surprise at seeing his latest release tucked in with all the other books.
he takes out the book, smiling a little at the cover, this one is very new, actually, like, a week new. before yoongi could frown at the fact that this is the only novel of his that taehyung owns, he remembers that taehyung separates his books by genre and then by author’s first name.
‘Seesaw’ is more like a novella, if he’s being honest. yoongi has never liked the entire concept of novels always having some sort of romance in them, and in lieu of this, he’s been playing with concepts that involve self-love more than anything else.
he smiles a little when he flips the novella open to page 87 and is greeted with one of his favorite lines,
‘“And It was only when I looked back that I’d realized you were no longer a part of me but apart from me.”’
a small smile curves his lips, nodding in satisfaction before returning the book to its place. he lets out a small laugh seeing ‘ The Book Thief ’ next to his own, for taehyung organizes all american authors by first name and korean by last. he settles for it anyways, pulling out the work and settling on the couch to start.
he’s never read it, anyways.
——
MONTH THREE
taehyung has always found it quite odd, how unwilling people are. actually, scratch that, how selfish they are. he realizes this a little later.
it was only when the numbness had left and the anger had settled in that taehyung realized how fucked up jimin was.
jimin, who took and took and gave only when it was convenient. jimin, who left without a word. jimin, who took everything.
jimin, who loved so fiercely , so passionately, but above all, he who loved endlessly .
and in lieu of that,
jimin, who probably never loved taehyung at all.
this thought process isn’t healthy, taehyung realizes, because while jimin was selfish, he was also so terribly kind. jimin was infectious with his laughter, with his existence. he was caring and compassionate and beautiful and daring and confident and jimin was his.
but there are times where taehyung can’t help but wonder if jimin was ever truly that. for a being that spectacular cannot be contained by the hands of love, for jimin is a fire that cannot be quelled and try as taehyung might, he isn’t fireproof.
he finds comfort in the arms of another— whose fingers do not wander, whose voice never fails, whose heart never stops beating. yes, yoongi isn’t much, but he’s still everything.
and even as he heals himself in the arms of his best friend, yoongi does not leave. he keeps a hold on taehyung’s soul, tying an invisible string round the younger’s wrist and tugging whenever taehyung gets a little to deep in that pretty head of his. even though yoongi comes and goes because of work, a part of him always stays in taehyung’s world; his toothbrush next to taehyung’s, sets of his clothes in taehyung’s drawers, his books scattered in his apartment, his smell on taehyung’s pillows, his quiet laughter echoing in taehyung’s mind.
yoongi is always there, even when he’s not. and when he comes back, it’s like he was never gone— he’ll gather taehyung in his arms, whisper that he missed the younger, hopes that he’s okay before asking what he wants for dinner.
and god — it makes taehyung’s heart warm, because this is what he’s wanted.
this goes on for several months, until taehyung’s ex lover is nothing but a bittersweet memory and he loves that.
more and more, he sees the beauty that is min yoongi, the way his nose scrunches at an odd smell or an unexpected compliment, the boisterous sound of his laughter, that absolutely gorgeous smile of his, the way he smells pressed up against taehyung’s body, the tears that fall whenever he sees a sad movie, his love for holding hands, and the way he’s utterly smitten over taehyung as well.
and after four months of confusion and mixed emotions, taehyung could proudly say he was over jimin. he’d sat down with both hoseok and yoongi, a little terrified to speak as he shriveled a bit underneath their heavy gazes.
“i-i think i’m over him- no, i am over him.” taehyung announced, voice velvet-like and his words making yoongi’s blood sing. his lips parted in shock, looking over at hoseok, who narrowed his eyes in scrutinization.
hoseok was quiet for awhile, before taking in a deep breath, when he speaks his voice seems to betray him, heart pounding as he toys with his digits.
“jimin’s seeing someone, taehyung. he has been for some time.”
the truth was, hoseok had no idea whether he was or wasn’t, but if anything it’ll show all of them how taehyung truly.
the younger’s breath hitched, eyes widened for a second before they weakened with something fond and beautiful. his lips curled into something a bit relieved, shoulders tensed and then relaxed as he breathed out a,
“really?... i’m so glad, do you know who it is hyung? i hope jimin-ssi is happy, he deserves it.”
hoseok smiled, let out a breathless chuckle before he mumbled, “I'm really proud of you, taehyung-ah, so, so proud.”
“huh?”
yoongi felt like he couldn’t breathe, a grin of his own forming before he could stop himself.
“he’s not with anyone, it was a test. i think seokie wanted to see how you’d react.”
taehyung let out a surprised chuckle, brushing a hand over his hair. he nips at his lower lip for a moment before sighing,
“thank you, hyungs. really, you’ve helped me a lot.”
and taehyung is right, he’s been doing so so well. after yoongi recommended to him therapy, the younger has been doing rather well. that doesn’t stop him from having bad days but it makes them manageable .
when taehyung tells his therapist he thinks he has feelings for yoongi, he’d smiled knowingly, nodding his head.
“i think you’re the only one who doesn’t know, taehyung-ssi. i know that confessing feelings is terrifying, but look at it this way? if not now, when? don’t spend your life wondering how it could have been, spend it wondering how it could possibly get any better? ”
it’s taehyung who makes the first move. he doesn’t even know how it happens, really. one minute yoongi’s reading on the couch and the next, taehyung is asking yoongi if he can kiss the elder.
yoongi looks up at him through his eyelashes, eyes wide in surprise before the look settles into something… reverent.
he whispers a response, a hushed, “thought you’d never ask,” that sends the younger tripping over his own feet to get the elders lips on his.
and it seems like his world bleeds into black and white.
——
being with yoongi is like being in black and white— it’s simple and it’s easy, living in monochromatic because fuck — taehyung doesn’t have to wonder. with color, everything was ambiguous, and the hues hurt his eyes and wounded his heart.
but yoongi is blunt, he’ll say what he likes and what he doesn’t, he seems to know what taehyung needs before taehyung knows himself.
he takes pictures. he gets as many as he can, even when yoongi’s grumbling for him to stop, and while taehyung knows yoongi is insecure they won’t go anywhere but his heart and his own personal album. he waits for yoongi to fall asleep, waits for slow even breaths to fan over his neck before he replays it all again.
he listens to the film of yoongi’s smile, watches the moonlight of yoongi’s saccharine voice lull taehyung to a wistful dream where his lover surrounds him, holds him, loves him. it’s only when he awakens does taehyung realize that he already has this, that his dream is a reality.
(—he thinks he falls in love with yoongi all over again every morning)
though none of them don’t dare say anything, in fear of the other not feeling the same. to their friends, that thought process is as idiotic as taehyung thinking jimin was too good for him.
but still, yoongi looks at taehyung with an unabashed reverence held in his eyes, it’s something reserved only for taehyung, and he usually fixes the younger with this type of gaze when he thinks no one else is looking. yoongi feels his heart beat out of his chest when taehyung catches him one time, blushing all the way to his ears as yoongi looks away.
taehyung doesn’t forget the look yoongi’s eyes held. it was overwhelming, feeling so loved. even if yoongi loved him, taehyung knew that the elder couldn’t say it. they’d been dating for almost a month, four months since jimin left, and taehyung knows that yoongi loves him.
though that doesn’t stop them from arguing. that doesn’t stop taehyung from feeling jealous and it doesn’t stop yoongi from thinking he’s not good enough for taehyung.
one particular argument seems to threaten to break them, and though they’ve resolved their issues it doesn’t stop taehyung from thinking about it from time to time.
/ /
it starts with yoongi forgetting little things, like their lunch dates when yoongi worked during the weekend, like what time taehyung’s classes ended and what time he had to go in for work. every time, taehyung would smile and say it was okay, because he understood that yoongi was busy and he understood that yoongi couldn’t always make it to things in lieu of that.
and as much as yoongi would apologize it seemed like they’d see less and less of each other every day. as a pretty successful writer yoongi could, essentially, work anywhere he saw fit. but he never worked at his house, nor did he work at taehyung’s. in fact, taehyung wasn’t even sure where the elder would go everyday but the texts yoongi would send him that said he missed the younger didn’t do much when yoongi’s replies would be almost 6-7 hours apart.
maybe the thing that made taehyung snap was when yoongi stood him up for their six months. when yoongi walks into his house at eleven pm he’s met with the faded aroma of food, tears and a candle light dinner for two with one plate left on the table.
yoongi squeezes his eyes shut, wincing as he remembered that the two had made plans for taehyung’s birthday and their six month. but god, he could have sworn it was the 29th.
yoongi had just barely finished his present in time, had received the second one in the mail two days prior. he thought he had enough time.
he hurries over to the table to see what taehyung had made because even though it’s his birthday the younger wanted to make something nice for the both of them.
he had wrapped yoongi’s dinner in plastic wrap, on top sat a sticky note with five words scribbled in sloppy writing that betrayed taehyung’s usual composure:
‘guess you’ve made your choice’
yoongi breaks multiple laws on his way to taehyung’s house, angry and hurting and so fucking bitter because he deserves it. he’d promised taehyung he’d die before intentionally hurting him. but yoongi couldn’t spoil it, he had to finish it before giving taehyung the explanation the younger so desperately deserved.
taehyung’s apartment is normally 15 minutes away, and yoongi makes it in 6.
yoongi makes sure he has his laptop with him before he sprints out of his car and punches in the code to the building.
he runs up the stairs, two at a time with his little legs and by the time he makes it to the fourth floor he’s exhausted but yoongi cannot— will not lose the younger. not when he’d waited so long to make taehyung his.
when he reaches taehyung’s apartment he pounds on the door, calling the younger’s name.
“taehyung!” yoongi chants, “please! let me in! i’m so sorry... i didn’t forget, i promise! please!”
yoongi really doesn’t want to use the key taehyung had given him, for if the younger wants him inside then he will answer the door. taehyung is home, though. for yoongi had seen the younger’s car in the parking lot.
but yoongi also didn’t want to continue screaming at almost midnight because taehyung has neighbors and desperate or not, yoongi has to respect that.
“i’m not leaving, i hope you know that, tae! i’ll sleep out here if i have to but i won’t leave! when you want to talk, i’ll be here.”
the silence was deafening, especially on the other side of his love’s door.
yoongi slides down the wall next to taehyung’s front door, lets his head fall back against the wall.
the carpet is somewhat comfortable, but it’s nothing compared to taehyung’s embrace. the younger is probably asleep, warm and cozy in his bed and yoongi would have been envious if he didn’t know he deserved that.
he’d sworn that he wouldn’t be jimin, he wouldn’t hurt his baby. for yoongi was a lot of things but he wasn’t cruel. and he could barely stand the sight of taehyung crying but taehyung because of him? yoongi knew that would have ripped him apart. he felt a lump begin to form in his throat at the thought of it, but yoongi had seen that small tear stain on the note taehyung had left, he’d already been crying.
yoongi shakes his head as a soft sob escapes his lips, cursing himself over and over again because he never wanted this. he never wanted to hurt taehyung but he’d done it anyway.
but, he knew taehyung. he knew them. and yoongi knew they were stronger than this.
right?
yoongi lets out a soft whimper as he thinks of living without taehyung in his arms, without taehyung’s lips on his, his smile that yoongi could feel when he kissed down the elder’s skin, the way he laughed, the way his eyes lit up when he saw something he liked, the way his voice would slip into dialect when he was too tired to function. the way he’d trace patterns on yoongi’s thighs to lull the elder to sleep.
he couldn’t lose it— he wouldn’t lose it. yoongi wouldn’t let taehyung give up. yoongi wouldn’t give up on him— not again.
he lets soft sobs echo in the empty hallway, let his tears drip onto the carpet and when yoongi has tired himself out he closes his eyes and prays that taehyung will still love him in the morning.
taehyung opens the door at seven in the morning, bitterly scoffing at the absence of yoongi who had promised to stay even if taehyung didn’t want him to.
“i’m such an idiot for believing him,” taehyung curses himself, shaking his head as he feels his eyes well with tears. “god, i’m so st—”
“angel?” taehyung freezes, looking to the right to see yoongi blinking sleepily at him. it seems that yoongi remembers what happened and registers where he is because he scurries to his feet to look at taehyung with a gaze that holds so much remorse the younger has to look away.
his clothes are wrinkled, his cheeks red and his eyes puffy but taehyung can’t look at him without that familiar feeling of abandonment filling his senses, so fucking similar to the way he had felt ten months ago but multiplied by 100 because this was yoongi. and his last relationship is so different than that of yoongi’s. it’s evident in the way yoongi is here, he hadn’t left and even though taehyung was pissed he knew yoongi wouldn’t have intentionally forgotten, nor would he have accidentally forgot, not unless he was feeling as overwhelmed as he appeared.
“yoongi?” taehyung began, watching as yoongi’s eyes light up and he replies with a,
“yes?”
“when was the last time you slept more than four hours?” yoongi pauses, looking away in shame. when almost a minute passes and yoongi doesn’t answer taehyung sighs, opening the door wider for yoongi to come in.
“we’ll talk later, yoongi.” taehyung begins with another sigh. he pushes his hair back with one hand, a nervous habit of his that he picked up from jimin. it’s then yoongi takes notice of the darkness underneath his eyes, indicating another sleepless night that makes yoongi’s heart clench. “right now, im tired and im sad and i want to hold you instead of having to hold that tiger you got me at that fair all those years ago.” yoongi’s expression softens at that before he nods. he keeps quiet the entire time, letting taehyung take his hand and lead him to bed.
after yoongi settles himself in the juncture of taehyung’s neck, he calls the younger’s name.
“tae?”
the younger hums in acknowledgement, stroking the elder’s back as consolation even though yoongi is the one at fault. his love is so kind, so forgiving, so amazing and yoongi knows he won’t ever find this anywhere else , knows he won’t ever be worthy of this and that just makes his eyes prickle with tears.
“I'm sorry. i’m so sorry. i didn’t forget. i’ll show you i didn’t forget. i’ll show you why i was so busy, i-i’ll show you why i-i didn’t come home until late just-just—i wouldn’t forget how important yesterday was. i swear to god, i swear on everything, please, believe me, i-i—”
“i know,” taehyung interrupts, tightening his hold on the blonde, letting his lips touch yoongi’s forehead. “i know, and while it’s not okay, i know i’ll forgive you, yoongi. i know you wouldn’t forget something like that so i was just angry and i was concerned. but mainly angry… it’s just-i’ve-i’ve—” taehyung cut himself off, swallowing the lump in his throat as he averts his gaze. yoongi pulls away just enough to look at taehyung in the eyes, pleading for the younger to continue.
“please, angel?" taehyung smiles at the pet name, thumbing at yoongi’s cheeks as he finally relents, sighing as he stammers out a soft,
“i-i’ve missed you. a lot.” yoongi lets out a quivering breath, pressing his lips to the younger’s softly, letting a few tears fall as he thinks about taehyung crying alone last night, and every night that yoongi wasn’t here to let taehyung pull yoongi in his embrace.
“me too, tae,”
taehyung hums at this, pulling the elder closer to him. yoongi smiles, nestling his head further in the space between his collarbones and his jaw, letting out a sigh of relief. it’s funny how all the tension seemed to melt away from yoongi’s body, bleeding out and evaporating into the air of his room. they lay there for much too long, held in each others arms and as yoongi begins to drift off, he can’t help but think, for the thousandth time, how beautiful taehyung is.
when taehyung awakens, yoongi’s absence is prominent. it leaves a distinguishable feeling in his body, he feels cold. tae sits up, rubbing at his eyes as he glances at his clock. it’s a little past 2 pm. it seems like his body knew that yoongi was gone as the sheets still hold just a little bit of a trace of the elders body heat.
“yoongi?” taehyung calls groggily, rubbing at his eyes sleepily as he throws the blankets off him, shivering at the instant cold air that hits his senses. he hears minimal clatter in the kitchen, he tugs on his tiger slippers (a gift from yoongi), before heading into the kitchen.
he’s met with the sight of breakfast on a set dinner table, eggs benedict for taehyung, pancakes, fresh strawberries and orange juice and—
he’s going to cry.
yoongi hums to himself as he serves a second plate for himself, oblivious to taehyung’s presence. he walks with a little bit of a pep, placing the plate on the table and stepping back to examine his work. he tilts his head to the side in examination, smiling in satisfaction.
his eyes flicker up by chance and he yelps at taehyung’s presence.
“christ, taehyung! you fucking scared me!” yoongi exclaims, clutching at his chest. “i-i didn’t hear you get up,”
“hyung?”
“god i could have dropped the plate and i would have cried because the food looked really good on that—“
“hyung,”
yoongi tilts his head up, a little meek as he asks,
“yeah?”
“you're amazing,”
a blush tints the elders features, a little smile appearing as he averts his gaze to the ground. even if yoongi's shy, he thinks it's so damn breathtaking that taehyung, literally, holds a hand up to his face and squints, saying,
“woah, woah, that sun’s too bright,” yoongi just smiles wider, a small giggle escaping his lips as he playfully shoves the youngers shoulder.
"let's eat? and then i'll show you?"
the gift was a book, a collection of poems, more like.
yoongi looks terrified when he hands it to the younger, he averts his gaze, makes sure that taehyung knows it’s from hesitation and nothing else.
“i—i know i messed up, and i’ve been distant, but i was looking for this. for all these poems i’d written over the years,” his voice is so quiet in the afternoon sun, it seems like the fingers of guilt have all pointed at yoongi with the way tears cloud his voice.
taehyung just breaths out yoongi’s name, a reassurance that he’s not leaving. the younger likes to think it’s enough for yoongi to continue.
“i’ve loved you for so long, tae. as—as long as i can remember. before you and jimin even thought about being together,”
taehyung’s lips part in a shock, and he can only listen in shock. he can’t even think about anything other than yoongi hurting at taehyung’s happiness.
“and i wrote so many things about you, some of them were so so… empty. and i realized when i starting looking through all the old notebooks that… maybe we were destined to… be together. you know? because… i-i realized how bad i felt for being happy for you, you know? i was so happy for you… and i was so sad when he left, and i realized that the majority of the novels i’d put out were about you and i realized the ‘Mom, He Breaks My Heart...’ series is about you. and i wrote four books about you without even realizing it. and i wanted to, knowingly, write something for you. a-and i guess this is it,”
taehyung looks down at the book in his hands, the cover is designed with a fading scene of someone standing amongst a field of sunflowers, the colors smudging and fading upwards to the colors of a sunset. taehyung feels a sense of familiarity in the sunflowers, in the figure that stands surrounded by yellow. he squints, brings the book a little closer and gasps at the startling realization.
“i-isn’t that—“
“yeah, that’s you.”
taehyung looks up at the elder with eyes that glisten with diamonds, smile fuzzy around the edges as he brings yoongi in and presses their lips together.
“yoongi, baby, i— fuck,” he laughs wetly, looking at the book and back up at the elder and down at the book again.
yoongi requests, a little bashfully, that he doesn’t read it in front of him. he looks so tiny while saying it, terrified to see taehyung’s reaction.
the younger complies to his request, holding the book to his chest and promising to read it that night.
he does. and he falls in love again and again with every word yoongi writes. the way he describes taehyung brings tears to his eyes, some dripping onto the page.
'in the midst of your pain, i swear i had never felt such an urge to love someone,
to pick up the pieces of your heart
and put them back in place.
though i’d keep a little fragment off, for it is only through the cracks that the light can shine through.'
'i hope one day you see yourself in the same spotlight
as the rest of the world.
that you notice the eyes that never stray from your form
the second you enter a room.
i hope you come to adore yourself and all your flaws.
and i am sorry that he could not understand
and comprehend
the fucking treasure he held in his grasp,
that he didn’t spend every waking moment
thinking about the sea of diamonds
that glisten in your eyes,
or the echo of your laughter
in the honey morning.
but if you allow me,
i swear to god i will spend
the rest of my life trying to make you see correctly.
the scenery that unfolds with you in my life.
needless to say, taehyung calls yoongi in tears that don’t seem to stop, even when yoongi does all he can to soothe the younger.
“i’m coming over, little one.”
maybe that’s when they decide they might as well move in together.
/ /
their arguments never last long, because yoongi just holds taehyung’s hand afterwards. they don’t even say anything, he’ll sit with the younger, hand clutched tightly in his.
a reassurance— a promise . they’ll be okay.
they always are.
//
when jimin comes back, his hand is held in the palm of a tall man whose skin is the color of light caramel, whose smile is warming, whose dimples are so deep it’s no wonder jimin has found a home in the embrace of this man.
he finds out his name is namjoon, and he makes jimin glow. taehyung sees the two at his regular bookstore more than a year after the breakup. the pair are sitting at a table together and the first thing taehyung notices is that jimin’s the fucking sun. he stares at the man across from him as if he’s the only person worth shining for and it makes taehyung’s heart clench, but it doesn’t hurt .
yoongi notices jimin’s presence the same time jimin notices taehyung’s. the elder’s hand drops to grab taehyung’s, almost dropping his laptop case that he’d brought to do some work while taehyung planned to study and find a new novel to indulge.
and it should break his heart, the way jimin’s expression… falls. it sinks into something that is so sad, so full of guilt and pain. but all it does is give taehyung a reason to stay, to talk to him, to let jimin know it’s okay. that he’s okay.
taehyung smiles at jimin, soft and genuine while he squeezes yoongi’s hand. another promise.
“s’okay, yoongi,” taehyung murmurs as the elder glares at jimin. the two order their drinks at the cafe built in before sitting down on a loveseat that’s not too far, but not too close from the pair. they’re sat in front of the two, although taehyung doesn’t look at them too much.
yoongi doesn’t take his malice filled gaze off jimin, anger bubbles at the surface of his heart, threatens to take over, to yell at Jimin, to scream how stupid he is for leaving someone like taehyung. but at the same time he so desperately wants to thank the younger for being blind, because it gave him this. and he knows he won’t ever let it go. he stays like this, trapped inside his own thoughts until taehyung finally says something.
“yoongi,” taehyung starts, squeezing the elders hand to get his attention. “hyungie, please, look at me.”
yoongi complies, pretty eyes blinking away to settle into taehyung’s own warm galaxies. the youngers mouth twitches into a smile, chest aching from how fucking beautiful yoongi is. he brings a gentle hand up to cup yoongi’s cheek, the elders eyes widen at the fondness the gesture holds, cheeks warming as he loses himself in taehyung.
the younger leans in, slotting their lips together in a kiss so tender yoongi almost cries at how loved it makes him feel. even if the angle is a little awkward, yoongi can feel everything taehyung does, and nothing is pain.
and oh my god, yoongi loves him .
he doesn’t expect taehyung to say it when they pull away. he whispers “i love you,” into yoongi’s mouth, carves it into his skin with ink visible only to the two of them. it’s soft and it’s warm and he’s warm and it’s the first time either of them have said it and yoongi feels like he can cry from happiness.
they didn’t feel the need to say it prior to this, even after almost eight months. they knew. but it was still so beautiful to hear.
“i love you, yoongi. and i’m yours, yeah?” yoongi nods, blinking back tears as he says it back, over and over again in the close proximity of their mouths.
“i love you too,”
i love you. i love you. i love you.
yoongi knows taehyung will talk to jimin, he knows taehyung will make sure jimin has no unresolved emotions because that’s what they deserve but before yoongi can even begin to overthink everything, taehyung pulls on that little string tied round yoongi’s soul, brings him back to reality with reassurance.
“i’m yours, yoongi. just like you’re mine, i’m yours.”
yoongi nods in agreement, mouth quivering as he takes a deep breath to steady his emotions.
“yours.” he eventually whispers back. taehyung smiles at him, before gesturing to yoongi that he lean against him. yoongi complies, shutting his laptop and putting it away before settling his head on taehyung’s shoulder as the younger pulls out his book to read.
it’s quiet for a little while, yoongi feigning sleep on taehyung’s shoulder. he even slips his hands between his own legs to play the part. he’s waiting.
jimin approaches maybe ten minutes later. yoongi doesn’t have to look at him to know that he’s nervous, that his hands are held in front of him, that his eyes are casted down, that his cheeks are tinted pink.
“t-taehyung-ah?” his voice holds a higher pitch, something that really only happens when he’s overwhelmed. yoongi feels taehyung’s surprise, his fingers stop creating patterns on yoongi’s thigh for just a moment before he starts again. when he speaks, yoongi loves the way he feels taehyung’s voice, like a message that his tae is still here.
“hello, jimin-ssi. how are you? you look well,” taehyung replies, his tongue feels a little heavy in his mouth but he knew he had to talk to jimin sooner or later. he’s just glad he’s not alone as he talks to his ex.
“wow— i-i’m good, i-i’m really good, i just-” jimin cuts himself off, looks away as he bites his lip. taehyung sees tears well in his eyes and smiles, although it’s not with bitterness.
“jimin-ssi,” taehyung says before jimin can continue, he looks up at the elder, nods his head in silent understanding and he hopes his eyes convey the authenticity of his words as he says, “i know. i forgive you. i know that was what you needed, and it hurt, yes. but it gave me yoongi and it gave me.. me,” taehyung looks to the dark-haired beauty resting his pretty eyes on taehyung’s shoulder, and he looks back at jimin, “and-and it gave you your lover as well,”
jimin looks at him with wide eyes filled with surprise and he looks almost…guilty.
“h-how did you-”
“i always wished you’d look at me like you look at him,” taehyung explains, no trace of malice hidden in his words as he looks at the man seated not too far, he watches with curious eyes and taehyung has to smile at the way the man’s eyes flicker to jimin and his entire demeanor melts into something so fucking soft.
“what’s his name?” taehyung asks after a moment. jimin blushes, toying with his fingers as he smiles to himself.
“namjoon,”
“he’s really handsome,” taehyung notes, eyes wandering to the man- namjoon— again. the younger isn’t lying, he really, really is. “wow,”
“hey,” jimin chastises in a slightly angled voice, his blush deepens as he realizes how quickly he reacted and taehyung watches with a fond smile as jimin says, “yeah, you’re right. joonie’s… amazing.”
taehyung hums in approval, lets his eyes wander to his yoongi, and his smile widens as yoongi shifts, scooting closer and whining taehyung’s name as he makes himself comfortable again.
“i never thought you and yoongi-ssi would end up together,” jimin voices softly, “but the two of you— gosh you’re so cute,”
taehyung grins at that, never one to turn down a compliment.
“yeah,” he echoes, hand coming up to stroke yoongi’s hair, “me neither, but- here we are.”
it’s silent, for a couple moments, before jimin speaks again.
“tae?”
“yeah?”
“...i’m happy.”
a pause. a breath. a memory made.
“that’s all i’ve ever wanted you to be.”
with a fuzzy smile, jimin shyly gives taehyung his new number. he suggests that the four of them hang out, and even though the idea would be absurd anywhere else, taehyung agrees.
jimin presses a chaste kiss on taehyung’s forehead and whispers,
“take care of yoongi, he’s been in love with you since before we were in high school.”
and even though jimin could die, he presses another on yoongi’s hair, mumbles,
“take care of your taehyungie, don’t let him go, yeah? i hope you’ll forgive me,”
yoongi gives it up upon hearing those words. he opens his eyes at that, taking in jimin’s fond gaze that slips into something so fucking terrified. yoongi finds that his eyes swell with tears as he sits up and throws his arms around the younger, feeling so fucking bitter but also waves of relief to know that his dongsaeng is okay. jimin lets out a small sound of surprise, but hugs his hyung back nonetheless.
“i already forgave you,” yoongi mumbles in the junction between jimin’s neck and his earlobe. “and yeah, I pinky promise, you brat.” jimin lets out a laugh, squeezes the elder before pulling away and saying he has to go back to namjoon.
“i—would you—i mean,” jimin stammers out, shifts on his feet uncomfortably, and taehyung gives him a fond look of understanding before nodding his head.
“i’d love to meet him, jimin-ssi.”
jimin looks surprised for a moment, then relieved. he flushes a little, a small giggle slipping out of his lips from nervous habit. he mutters out a little, “oh ,” and scurries to retrieve his lover.
“are you okay with meeting him, love?” yoongi asks in a whisper while jimin’s bending down to whisper in namjoon’s ear, yoongi toying with the younger’s fingers. “you don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”
“i know i don’t,” taehyung scoffs, feigning offense before pressing a soft kiss to yoongi’s forehead. “i’ve always wanted jimin to be happy… and if it’s not with me, then i want to meet the person who gives jimin what i used to dream of giving him.... he was my first love, yoongi. I'm only able to love you because of him.
yoongi marvels at taehyung’s words, feeling himself sink into taehyung’s spell because this is the man he fell in love with. this man who is so fucking kind, this man who single handedly tore down all of yoongi’s walls and made him look at the scenery of the world in front of him.
he’d been loving taehyung for as long as he could remember, though he’d kept his feelings away from his best friend when he was with jimin, knowing that while yoongi’s emotions were important, they weren’t important enough to hurt taehyung’s life
yoongi knows who taehyung would have picked, and he’s knows it wouldn’t have been him.
he toys with the younger’s fingers, feeling the pulse underneath his wrist, yoongi feels taehyung shudder when yoongi slides their palms together, feeling the warmth of his honey skin. they share a smile before yoongi looks down and intertwines their fingers, pressing a chaste kiss at their linked fingers.
the act is so intimate taehyung wants to cry at the look yoongi gives him, warm and fond and one that screams, ‘i want to spend the rest of my life with you.'
the elder sees a small figure pulling the hand of a tall man and pulls away. before taehyung can protest, he sees yoongi leaning forward, crossing one leg over the older and his right hand cupping his face. yoongi tilts his head to the side, brown eyes examining the foreign mans face, taking on that impassive look as his eyes take in every inch of jimin’s lover.
taehyung has to hide his smile, knowing what yoongi is doing is the same thing he’d done do hoseok’s boyfriend, jungkook, when he’d introduced the younger.
he’s testing namjoon.
namjoon looks painfully awkward approaching the two, though it looks like jimin’s hand keeps the taller grounded.
“h-hello,” namjoon greets, bending his waist into a 90 degree bow, “my name is kim namjoon, i’ve heard so much from jimin about you, taehyung-ah… thank you so much for giving me the honor to love my jimin-ah.” taehyung grins, rises to his feet, and bows as well.
“it’s lovely to meet you, namjoon-ssi, thank you for loving him well, ” taehyung smiles, before turning to the side, genuine adoration glimmering in his eyes as he offers a hand to yoongi before pulling him to his feet. “this is my boyfriend, min yoong.” yoongi nods in acknowledgment, bowing swiftly before straightening his back.
namjoon looks at yoongi with wide eyes, a baffled expression taking over his features as he stares at the elder.
“joonie?” jimin asks, poking the taller man’s cheek (—taehyung does not squeal internally when he sees the way jimin’s finger makes an indent in namjoon’s squishy cheek)
‘they share the same chubby cheeks jesus fucki—’
“yoongi, as-as in, m-min yoongi— as in— oh gosh, i think i need to sit down.” halfway through, yoongi seems to understand, the elder shakes his head with a soft chuckle.
“so you’ve read my books, huh?”
“every single one of them!” namjoon answers immediately, eyes taking in yoongi’s analytical sweeps. the elder hasn’t given up that blank expression though his gaze seem to be a little brighter than when they met
jimin snorts, “I guess i forgot to tell you that, joonie,” he looks at yoongi with a giddy expression, a soft giggle escaping his lips, “on our first date, we went to that little coffee shop, y’know, the one that’s a five minute walk from the river and—”
jimin suddenly cuts himself off, looking at taehyung with a gaze that suggests he shouldn’t have said something because that was their place, that was where they fell in love.
taehyung finds that his heart warms at the thought of jimin beginning a new love in the same place theirs began.
they look at each other, eyes soft and caring and it seems that jimin understands, because he always does. he clears his throat, blinks back tears before continuing,
“when i asked him what his favorite book is, he proudly proclaimed everything by min yoongi was his favorite book. he’d been with you since your debut novel. i swear, hyung, joonie spent 25 minutes talking about the symbolism in every novel you write and how you effortlessly weave every central theme into something more when taken out and placed next to the other novels—”
"fuck, baby please—this is so embarrassing oh my god,”
yoongi blinks, a little surprised. taehyung watches his ears turn a little red as he tries to fight that blush that’s spreading across his cheeks. he clears his throat, nodding his approval.
“thank you for supporting me, namjoon-ah,” yoongi muses with a small smile, though his eyes darken a little at his next words. “take care of jimin-ah, don’t make me hurt you. don’t hurt him.”
“i can’t promise i won’t hurt him,” namjoon begins, but yoongi gives him a smile, one that indicates he knows exactly what he’s thinking. taehyung looks at jimin with wide eyes, their expressions match one another. “i will do my best, sunbaenim, but i cannot promise i will not hurt him, i can promise i will never intentionally cause him pain.”
that’s a line from one of yoongi’s novels, ‘Mom, I Think…’ in the the series he’d, unknowingly, written for taehyung.
yoongi nods his approval. they exchange numbers, namjoon still a little starstruck. jimin has to pry the elder from yoongi’s side when they have to leave, and yoongi has to laugh at namjoon’s display of adoration.
“don’t be a stranger, minjoon.” yoongi calls as they begin to walk away, he’d come up with the name five minutes after meeting and he’s sure it gave namjoon a heart attack though he just waves enthusiastically.
“i’m so happy,” he hears taehyung whisper next to him, and yoongi is astounded by the way his voice sounds, hushed and quiet, the timbre of his voice contrasting with the dulcet drip of his words. yoongi looks at him, sees the universe unfold in his eyes as he gazes back with something that promises there’s nowhere else— no one else he’d rather be with.
yoongi smiles as well, though it turns a little fuzzy around the edges as his throat closes with emotion. taehyung’s smile gets even fonder, if that’s possible. he wraps a hand around the nape of the elders neck, pulling yoongi in to drink from the pap of life, kiss his boyfriend’s lips, and discover that the only thing a photograph promises is that it can only get better if you let it get better.
he thinks he sees jimin out of the corner of his eye before his eyes flutter close to kiss yoongi, he’s holding namjoon's hand but his eyes are wide in something that can only be described as euphoria.
and taehyung can only wonder how it could get any better than this.