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The collision of confusion, dread, and white-hot panic as Ash’s body ejects itself from his mattress has never been an uncommon occurrence for the teen--not with the violent life he's led. Tonight seemed to be no different. Soaked in a pool of his own sweat and tears beginning to swirl at the brims of his emerald eyes, Ash brings a clammy hand to his burning face; attempting desperately to settle quaking nerves.
Still half-consumed in a nightmare induced daze, Ash does the one thing he knows has been scientifically proven to instinctively calm his fears a hundred percent of the time. Eiji had promised him he wouldn’t leave, therefore, even if Ash was forced to live in such a hellish state, he could at least count on one person always being right by his side. During bittersweet occasions where two average boys have a rare chance to converse intimately, he’d sometimes even delude himself into thinking he too could fly the same way Eiji had that fateful day. It was during those tender moments where he could just be himself--Aslan Jade Callenreese. These thoughts, however, always managed to dissipate not long after arriving--lasting only while the spell of Eiji’s soothing presence remained in effect. Foolishly, Aslan believed in such potential until Ash Lynx ’s gritty world consisting of nothing but the pungent odor of gunpowder and fresh blood dragged him back unwillingly into its rotten abode.
The young gang boss gapes helplessly into the direction of Eiji’s bed, where white sheets were turned back and skewered by sluggish impatience. The usual rise and fall of his friend’s chest as he sleeps soundlessly were absent as well. Ash's heart instantly drops into the pit of his stomach, thudding painfully as his feet react before his high functioning brain can even process it. He hastily throws the bedroom door wide open, stomping wildly throughout the apartment.
“Eiji?”
Living room. Nope.
“Eiji?!”
Bathroom. Also unoccupied.
“This isn't funny man, where are you?”
He isn’t out on the patio either, only receiving a smack of bitter night air in return. Swinging the glass door shut, Ash frantically scuttles back inside and runs a drenched palm through his locks. This can’t be happening. He’s somewhere in this building.
Swallowing the terror rising inside his throat, Ash winces in discomfort; just now realizing how raspy it feels. Then, as if zombified, he stumbles into the kitchen in order to quench a demanding need for water.
“Ash? What are you doing awake?”
Looking up from a half-empty glass of milk is Eiji, the light of the open refrigerator illuminating his baggy gray T-shirt and dark tufts of bed-ridden hair with a soft glow.
“Ash, what is wrong? Are you alright?” The doe-eyed boy shoots up from a wooden chair he’s seated at with a sharp creak when his companion fails to respond. Swiftly padding over to the seemingly paralyzed teen, Eiji’s own befuddlement spreads rapidly.
“Ash, it is me! Please say something.”
“Eiji…” Ash struggles to choke out before his legs wobble under an overriding wave of relief. Like a marionette doll being severed from its strings, all tension in his form falters causing him to collapse into his beloved’s comforting arms.
“A-Ash?”
“I thought I lost you.” Ash mumbles against the other’s chest, gripping at Eiji’s shirt similar to a sobbing toddler clinging to his mother. Eiji says nothing, gently cradling the seventeen-year old’s head in his warm hands which encourages the former to go on.
“Had this...terrible dream we were back at Dino’s estate, reliving the same night Yut-Lung’s guys blackmailed Shorter and brought you there. Instead of injecting just him with Banana Fish they drugged you as well, told me to choose which one of you I’d rather let die in peace...In the end, I still chose to shoot Shorter with that single round Arthur gave me.” Ash slowly recounts the events from his morbid subconscious, speech crackling throughout.
“Why is that?” Eiji questions sincerely.
“I-I don’t know for sure but I think it’s because I couldn’t stand the thought of you being gone. Even if you were technically already gone from the moment they exposed you to that horrible shit. At least I could have you, a chance to fix you as long as you were still alive...even if it meant seeing you suffer for years the same way Griff did…”
Shame was potent in the boy’s cadence as he finishes his gruesome confessional. Eiji knew full well that this guilt must’ve been racking his friend’s soul for God knows how long, eating away at any shred of confidence like a parasite. How cruel the world is for forcing to him carry this amount of immense weight. The young Japanese ruminates to himself while resisting the urge to cry.
“Selfish aren’t I? Knowing how much pain you’ll be in and refusing to let you go, even now--”
“How many times do I tell you to stop speaking this way? You saved me, remember?” For the first time, Ash looks up at Eiji in distress, deciding to disregard the tears pouring from his green orbs.
“You saved me, Ash, countless times. Too many to count now.” Eiji retorts, trying to assuage Ash’s self-doubt.
“If I forced you to go back to Japan like I originally planned, I wouldn’t have to keep saving you. That’s the point. Look at me Eiji, you can’t even get a fucking drink without me having a mental breakdown about it!” The hoarseness of Ash’s words become more evident as his volume steadily increases. “When I woke up to that empty bed staring at me, my first thought was that it wasn’t just a nightmare because it’s completely possible in my world!”
At this point he has lost all sense of composure, relapsing back into the raven-haired boy’s arms and beginning to shake like a leaf in the dead of winter.
“Ash. Ash, listen to me. I am going to bring you to the bedroom, is that okay?” Whispering gingerly into his ear, Eiji waits for the other boy’s approval, only getting up once he nods his head. Allowing Ash to lean on his shoulder, Eiji patiently leads his companion into bed and proceeds to wrap him in a new blanket from their closet.
“Stay put, I will be right back” Adopting a stern motherly-like tone, Eiji commands the ‘ruthless’ lynx to obey, leaving him to his own devices momentarily. About two minutes later Eiji returns as promised, holding out a warm mug to the lonesome blond who, in turn, peers curiously into its contents.
“Seriously, warm milk? What am I? An infant?” The blond’s lips pull into a small sarcastic smile.
“I think you are with your face so red and puffy!” Eiji counters and grins sneeringly at the American’s usual sass. Taking a spot next to him on the bed, Eiji stares down into his own cup after Ash takes a sip despite his bickering.
“Ash, I hope you know that I never blame you for what happened. It is my choice to stay here as well, because I care about you deeply.” Turning to face him fully, Eiji continues.
“No matter what happens, I swear on my life I will not abandon you. Do you know why?” Scooting closer, he wraps a loose arm around Ash’s waist, prompting him to snuggle into the crook of Eiji’s neck.
“Forever.” Ash echoes.
“That’s right. I’d stay forever.”